Mass Effect 3.5B: Taste the Rainbow (Story and Ending Discussion; Spoilers!)

[Calemyr]

22) The Katamari Prince comes up and rolls all the Reapers, Allied Fleets, Earth, Citadel and the entire Sol System in his quest to make the biggest ball of Katamari ever.

22a) The resulting stellar object ends up with a enormous size but a negative mass, because the ending not just lacks substance, but negates the substance that precedes it. This tragedy is so disheartening that it is what sends the King of the Cosmos on his original bender, resulting in the destruction of the galaxy... but also the creation of a fun and wacky franchise of games.

[TheLaughingMan]

23) As soon as The Catalyst shows up, the Citadel locks itself airtight. The Catalyst then heals Shepard's wounds using uhhhh nanomachines, and soon afterward the dazed and confused Shepard is met with a holographic representation of Harbringer, who is firing up a Fifties-Dad style laugh. Harbringer then jovially explains that all of the events in the games were a part of the Reapers' secret and sacred test to see if Shepard was worthy of being Taskmaster's babysitter, as they had grown tired of the little guy's wailing about the nature of reality and were beginning to miss the intergalactic nightlife. Shepard responds to this with confused babbling as The Catalyst hugs its new daddy/mommy, overjoyed that someone might actually care what it says. Harbringer gives Shepard a list of emergency numbers and the Reapers wave goodbye, leaving the galaxy in peace and Shepard trapped forever.

The End!

EDIT: Sorry for the brief triple post there. Technology and my own incompetence conspired against me.

[Derthric]

24) Shepard listens to the Catalyst then shakes her head and says "Genociding boys don't get to pick how it ends" picks him up and puts him in a corner for a 'time out'. He finally breaks down and Shepard promises that if he learned his lesson the vid feeds from Shaira's can be turned back on and she'll get him some ice cream as long as he promises not to reap ever again.

25) The Scooby gang crashes into the Citadel in the Mystery Machine and pull the mask off the catalyst to reveal it was Corporal Jenkins this whole time. He just wanted to make people on Eden Prime think he was a hero but it all spun out of control. But it could have worked if it wasn't for that meddling Spectre and her Turian too.

I'll play along Aotrs.

As Shepard meekly debates with Starchild about the merits of the choices laid out before him, he receives a tweet on his status update. Using his molten cell phone, Shepard reads:

"@CmdrShep

QQ Sheprd srsly at least u dont get turned into a worm to save the galaxy!

#LetoAtredeis"

And there is a reason I stopped reading those books too. Golden path my foot.

[Luzahn]

And there is a reason I stopped reading those books too. Golden path my foot.

I found it really hard to take his arguments seriously having read Foundation previously. Setting up all of that galactic discord to ensure a couple thousand years of peace seemed irrelevant compared to Asimov's scale.

[Wraith]

It occurs to me there is a distinct lack of Silly in this thread, and we could all (me included) do with lightening it up a touch in between our arguments...

Honestly, within the same vein I'm quite surprised that there doesn't seem to be a meme created about how often Commander Shepherd just plain falls off'f things in ME3.

I mean, seriously.... By the time I'd reached the Geth Dreadnought I'd seen the guy land on his head more times than I can remember. He did it on Mars, he did it on Rannoch, and a few more besides. Dude's just careless

[GloatingSwine]

That right there is why I won't be buying any more Bioware games until they've received good reviews. Any developer that could have their priorities that messed up doesn't deserve day 1 purchasing.

The problem with this logic is that Bioware games will inevitably receive glowing reviews. If they shat in a box and released it as a game at least one reviewer would give the smell 10/10.

[masterjoda99]

24) After Harbinger's beam strikes shepard down, he wakes up in an STG Operating room on Sur'Kesh. It turns out that all the events of Mass Effect 2 & 3 were all a coma-dream while the Salarians, not Cerberus rebuilt Shepard. And the lead scientist of the project is one Doctor Mordin Solus...after all, someone else might've gotten it wrong.

[Joran]

I found it really hard to take his arguments seriously having read Foundation previously. Setting up all of that galactic discord to ensure a couple thousand years of peace seemed irrelevant compared to Asimov's scale.

I've read and enjoyed both. Going on a slight derail here:

Spoiler

Show

The way I interpreted Dune (at least books 1-4) was the Golden Path of Humanity required an Atreides to become a sandworm to guide the galaxy for two thousand years. Paul wasn't willing to do it, so the burden fell to his son.

The main problem with the Dune universe is the impact of prophets on the Universe. One guy, Paul Atreides, managed to cause an entire global wide revolution/jihad that killed billions, because he could glimpse into the future.

The Golden Path that the Atreides ended up pursing was one that freed humanity from being a slave to the future-seeing prophets. Thanks to the genetic breeding over his two thousand year reign, Leto created a line of humans that were invisible to the future vision. The end, mankind is saved from the shackles of precognition. (I have no idea what was happening in books 5-6 and I refuse to read anything by the son).

For Hari Seldon, Asimov revisited Foundation a couple decades after he wrote the first trilogy and I got thoroughly confused because the Seldon Plan ended abruptly in year 500 and then robots entered the mix. The first trilogy was pretty awesome though.

For those who didn't read either book, be glad we don't have to wait decades before we get a conclusion.

[Luzahn]

I've read and enjoyed both. Going on a slight derail here:

Spoiler

Show

The way I interpreted Dune (at least books 1-4) was the Golden Path of Humanity required an Atreides to become a sandworm to guide the galaxy for two thousand years. Paul wasn't willing to do it, so the burden fell to his son.

The main problem with the Dune universe is the impact of prophets on the Universe. One guy, Paul Atreides, managed to cause an entire global wide revolution/jihad that killed billions, because he could glimpse into the future.

The Golden Path that the Atreides ended up pursing was one that freed humanity from being a slave to the future-seeing prophets. Thanks to the genetic breeding over his two thousand year reign, Leto created a line of humans that were invisible to the future vision. The end, mankind is saved from the shackles of precognition. (I have no idea what was happening in books 5-6 and I refuse to read anything by the son).

For Hari Seldon, Asimov revisited Foundation a couple decades after he wrote the first trilogy and I got thoroughly confused because the Seldon Plan ended up ending abruptly in year 500 and then robots entered the mix. The first trilogy was pretty awesome though.

For those who didn't read either book, be glad we don't have to wait decades before we get a conclusion.

Hmm. Now that I think about it, the options of Trevise seem to correspond pretty well conceptually to Mass Effect's endings.

He was given the option by a moon robot to choose: Another empire ruled like the first, which would eventually collapse into the same sort of anarchy, only to be rebuilt again, the option to allow the all-knowing psychics to rule as a oligarchy, breaking the imperial cycle, or to unite every human in the galaxy into one peacefully coexisting hive mind. At least it's portrayed as a necessary evil there.

I knew there was a reason I innately despised Synthesis...

[Aotrs Commander]

13 through 18

Bwahahahaha!

19. As #10, but Optimus insists on sacrificing his life to save the galaxy. After hours of spirited debate with Shepard and the Reapers convincing him that this is, in fact, entirely unnecessary, Optimus concedes...

...then when everyone lets their guard down, Optimus runs to the Crucible to martyr himself, jumping into the beam and inadvertently picking Synthesis.

And then everyone was an Autobot.

Except the Krogan, who were Dinobots. (Because, C'mon, Wrex is totally like Grimlock. (Well, comics Grimlock any road.))

Also Bwahahahahaha!

25) The Scooby gang crashes into the Citadel in the Mystery Machine and pull the mask off the catalyst to reveal it was Corporal Jenkins this whole time. He just wanted to make people on Eden Prime think he was a hero but it all spun out of control. But it could have worked if it wasn't for that meddling Spectre and her Turian too.

Bwahahahaha!

Also, that explains sooo much! "Shields failed" my boney arse! Clever, Jenkins, clever!

And showing great minds think alike, before I'd even seen the ending one of my hypothetical ending was similar, only it was Harbinger and Turian Senator Sparatus...

27: Just as Shepard is about to choose, Mordin bursts in! He was found by the Krogan in the ruins, a Salarian barely alive. They had the technology to rebuilt him. Stronger, faster, better than he was before. Mordin Solus is the Six Billion Credit Salarian!

He beats the Reapers to a pulp in slow motion while making chchchchchchch sounds as Shepard and the Catalyst gape in astoundment.

28: Just as Shepard is about to choose, monkeys!

[Serenity]

#29: Shepard listens to the Star Child's screed, then demands: "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?" He proceeds to turn his fist into a drill and punch right through the Star Child, causing all the Reapers to die as he spontaneously manifests star-shaped sunglasses.

[Artanis]

"@CmdrShep

QQ Sheprd srsly at least u dont get turned into a worm to save the galaxy!

#LetoAtredeis"

Can I sig this? Please please please please please? *puppy eyes*

[Trazoi]

#30: Big twist at the end is that Anderson turns out to be behind the Reapers. Shepard can choose to rule at his side or engage in an epic Paragon/Renegade interrupt fist fight for control of the galaxy.

[polity4life]

Can I sig this? Please please please please please? *puppy eyes*

You have my blessing. Go forth and be merry.

[Derthric]

#31 At the last second the real chosen one appears. Anakin Skywalker, only its the 9 year old idiot version(as opposed to the older whiney idiot version). And he challenges the Catalyst to a Pod-Race. Catalyst looses and Watto takes the Catalyst as a new slave. Meanwhile Shep just stands there and says "needs more dewbacks and random droids in the background"

#32 Just before Shepard chooses Slim Pickens comes in riding reverse on an A-Bomb and destroys the world.

#33 Shepard suddenly remembers that Javik said that Protheans were Ticklish and leaps on the Prothean-Reaper and tickles away forcing it to fire randomly. The casualties are high on both sides but eventually only the one reaper remains and it cries uncle.

#34 Shepard just stares at the Catalyst starting a staring contest. The Catalyst blinks first and loses, because his appearance was too human. Shepard then calls Triple Dog Dare for the Catalyst to tell the reapers to play hide and seek in dark space. Once they are gone, Shepard kills the Catalyst with his Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle with the thing that tells time in the stock.

[ShinyRocks]

#35 Just as Shepard is about to decide, Emily Wong crashes a shuttlecraft into the Starkid. She hops out, pushes the Destroy button, and then slaps Shepard in the face, saying 'You OWE me an interview!'

#36 Just as Shepard is about to decide, Gianna Parasini turns up and arrests the Starkid for using technology that was banned under intergalactic convention. She says, 'Damn, I love taking down these sparkling collar criminals,' gives Shepard a peck on the cheek and says 'This is worth more than a beer, right?' and wanders off.

[polity4life]

#37. What was thought to be the Crucible was instead a clever ruse put together by Hackett. It turns out that the Crucible plans found on Mars were actually only architectural schematics to add prime real estate housing to the Citadel for the upper crust of the galaxy. He played the galaxy with false leads and information, making even The Illusive Man believe that the Crucible was indeed the crux to the galactic counter-offensive.

The real super weapon, devised this cycle, was being made in the Krogan DMZ...

...enter the Thresher maw Cannon.

Upon arrival, everyone on earth puts on sun glasses and lights up a cigar.

[Psyren]

*pops in*

So apparently Tricia Helfer (aka EDI) has confirmed additional voice work for Extended Cut. I'm stoked.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

*pops out*

[Avilan the Grey]

*pops in*

So apparently Tricia Helfer (aka EDI) has confirmed additional voice work for Extended Cut. I'm stoked.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

*pops out*

On the other hand: Jenifer Hale has confirmed Shepard has no extra lines.

[Zevox]

On the other hand: Jenifer Hale has confirmed Shepard has no extra lines.

Wut?

How exactly can they do an extended cut of the ending without giving Shepard any extra lines? Are they not touching anything before her death or something?

Zevox

[Grif]

*pops in*

So apparently Tricia Helfer (aka EDI) has confirmed additional voice work for Extended Cut. I'm stoked.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.

*pops out*

Who wants to bet now that they're getting EDI to narrate the ending now?

[chiasaur11]

On the other hand: Jenifer Hale has confirmed Shepard has no extra lines.

Eh?

Where'd you get that?

Heard something about no extra lines yet earlier, but nothing about never. Catch something I missed?

[Avilan the Grey]

Wut?

How exactly can they do an extended cut of the ending without giving Shepard any extra lines? Are they not touching anything before her death or something?

Zevox

Eh?

Where'd you get that?

Heard something about no extra lines yet earlier, but nothing about never. Catch something I missed?

I don't have the link, but she did an interview sometime last week where she was insistant that there were no extra lines for Shepard.

I guess all the extra lines are to clear up / give closure to the other characters (like WHY Joker flies off, and what happened to other characters).

Remember, this is not a CHANGED ending, it is an EXPANDED ending. Bioware never said they were changing anything, just explaining and giving closure.

[Psyren]

I don't have the link, but she did an interview sometime last week where she was insistant that there were no extra lines for Shepard.

The only Hale interview I saw was right after EC was announced, not last week. She did mention no new lines then, but Gamble subsequently tweeted "all that is in the works." Got a link?

I will assume that Shep will have more to say unless proven otherwise.

[Avilan the Grey]

The only Hale interview I saw was right after EC was announced, not last week. She did mention no new lines then, but Gamble subsequently tweeted "all that is in the works." Got a link?

I will assume that Shep will have more to say unless proven otherwise.

I am trying to find the link, but it is difficult since I am at work. I admit I don't know if the interview was last week, but the ARTICLE about it was last week. I just can't remember what website it was from...

[Trazoi]

Remember, this is not a CHANGED ending, it is an EXPANDED ending. Bioware never said they were changing anything, just explaining and giving closure.

It's why I'm going to skip the ending DLC unless I hear it's particularly good. If it's merely EDI explaining how she marries Joker and eventually gives birth to Buzz Aldrin, I can get by with watching it on YouTube.

[Derthric]

On the other hand: Jenifer Hale has confirmed Shepard has no extra lines.

I remember there being an article about a month ago with Hale saying she had not yet been contacted about any work. But that was at the beginning of April just after they announced the EC. However I know Bioware has said she and Meer are contracted for DLC on ME and for her even more work for TOR. So both are on their speed dial.

[Avilan the Grey]

It's why I'm going to skip the ending DLC unless I hear it's particularly good. If it's merely EDI explaining how she marries Joker and eventually gives birth to Buzz Aldrin, I can get by with watching it on YouTube.

It is FREE, you know.
Personally I am doing the opposite; I refuse to start playing the game before the DLC is installed .

[Psyren]

Potential DLC spoiler warning:



So apparently Admiral Xen had a pretty crazy quest that was cut from the game (or is yet to be added, via DLC etc.) She conducts AI experiments to try and develop an AI-eating virus to fight the reapers, using Geth remnants if they were destroyed or live Geth if you secured peace. Because AI research is still illegal, you would have have to give her Spectre authorization to trigger it.

The problem is that after she starts, she apparently goes overboard, experimenting on other things with Reaper tech including the Citadel itself. You are then forced to apprehend or kill her, and if the Geth survived there is a chance she will heavily harm their war asset with her virus in what appears to be a bid to retake control of them.

What's really interesting is some of the dialogue she apparently has with Tali, including a saucy line about her "induction filter getting popped" that I could easily hear coming from Space Morrigan.

Interested to hear any thoughts.

[Trazoi]

It is FREE, you know.

It costs time. If it's only going to embellish the post-game sequences rather than fix the larger problems, it isn't worth it. (Edit: For me anyway, YMMV.)

And if it's only going to be superficial, I'm not that sure why they're bothering with the DLC. It might even do more damage. While I appreciate better closure for the game, my issue with the whole thing is that Bioware has apparently forgotten how to tell a game story. If they do the same thing again and Casey Hudson says it's all fixed, it's only going to make that issue worse. If Bioware doesn't know what it did wrong, they're going to keep doing it in their next games.

Personally I am doing the opposite; I refuse to start playing the game before the DLC is installed .

If you haven't played the game yet or are planning a replay though, this is sensible.