Personal Woes and Advice 2

[Chen]

and that's how they ended up on Judge Judy

Hey I definitely didn't recommend anything illegal. Plus at least it would be closure. Everyone knows you don't mess with Judge Judy :P

[TaiLiu]

So I had an exam today. I've got meds from the doctor for anxiety, been with accessability talking about stuff.

Panic attack.

Getting more stuff sorted.

I hate everything. @!$£ all that is academia related. Can't wait until I finish and go into the world of work proper.

That sounds vexing. I hope everything goes by quickly for you!

[Skeppio]

Why do I even bother getting out of bed each day? It's always the same; loneliness, boredom, unproductiveness, bitterness and tiredness. I'm going to spend my life alone, by this point, it's an inescapable fact (I have tried literally every possible location, method and resource I can to meet people and have gotten nothing. It's inescapable, I'm going to die alone). No-one's willing to hire me, so I have no job. They only want young staff that they don't have to pay full wage to. Despite that I could work far better than the worthless runts they hire. And with that, I have no motivation to do anything at all. Why bother? It's not gonna help get me out of this lonely pit. I've tried, and all my efforts led to failure.

[Mx.Silver]

Why do I even bother getting out of bed each day? It's always the same; loneliness, boredom, unproductiveness, bitterness and tiredness. I'm going to spend my life alone, by this point, it's an inescapable fact (I have tried literally every possible location, method and resource I can to meet people and have gotten nothing. It's inescapable, I'm going to die alone). No-one's willing to hire me, so I have no job. They only want young staff that they don't have to pay full wage to. Despite that I could work far better than the worthless runts they hire. And with that, I have no motivation to do anything at all. Why bother? It's not gonna help get me out of this lonely pit. I've tried, and all my efforts led to failure.

Yeah, loneliness is kind of a bastard at times. Still, if worst comes to worst, there's still the internet.

In regards to motivation, lack of productivity etc. one thing that can help is routine. Drawing up a daily or weekly planner to follow can help a bit, at the least it gives you something to occupy some of your time.
On the jobs side of things, is there something you'd specifically want to be doing if you could, or is it just a case of finding something that pays?

Yeah, it's not much in the way of advice, sorry. I just don't really like leaving things at "I hope things get better" (not that I don't hope that, just that it feels a bit empty to say).

[Sholos]

How does one escape the feeling that you're completely worthless, pathetic, that nothing you do or are is of any value to anyone, and that the world would be a better place without you in it?

[HalfTangible]

How does one escape the feeling that you're completely worthless, pathetic, that nothing you do or are is of any value to anyone, and that the world would be a better place without you in it?

I asked the world why I should live my life for its sake when I have a life I want to lead. I then told it it could go jump off of a cliff and I would live in the world that thought me worthless whether it liked it or not. Didn't work.

Oddly enough, I then went swimming two days in a row and THAT seems to have worked for a while

...If you find a more permanent solution, let me know.

---

Does anyone have a solution for hearing your heart tell you (repeatedly) that you're in love? Despite the fact that the person in question is out of your reach (roughly) 51 weeks out of the year, is pretty enough that she's definitely dating someone more readily available, and you meet her under circumstances that are too happy-go-lucky for you to actually know a damn thing about her? Because when you've sworn off of relationships this feeling is even more miserable

[Grinner]

How does one escape the feeling that you're completely worthless, pathetic, that nothing you do or are is of any value to anyone, and that the world would be a better place without you in it?

Now why do you say that?

Does anyone have a solution for hearing your heart tell you (repeatedly) that you're in love? Despite the fact that the person in question is out of your reach (roughly) 51 weeks out of the year, is pretty enough that she's definitely dating someone more readily available, and you meet her under circumstances that are too happy-go-lucky for you to actually know a damn thing about her? Because when you've sworn off of relationships this feeling is even more miserable

Cry. Just sob till it hurts.

Catharsis. It works.

[theangelJean]

How does one escape the feeling that you're completely worthless, pathetic, that nothing you do or are is of any value to anyone, and that the world would be a better place without you in it?

I'm not sure what kind of situation you're in. I do know that when I had feelings like that, they weren't actually true. I had anxiety and depression, and depression makes your feelings and thoughts lie to you. Luckily I had psychiatric help in the form of a good counsellor and eventually I was able to see it.

Either way, if you are having feelings like that over a reasonable period of time, whether or not they are objectively "true", I would still suggest you seek professional help. Counselling can give you a better grip on what you want your thoughts and feelings to be, and medication is sometimes helpful as well (it certainly helped me). It can sometimes get harder before it gets easier, but if you don't let that put you off, it can definitely be worth it.

Oddly enough, I then went swimming two days in a row and THAT seems to have worked for a while

...If you find a more permanent solution, let me know.

Physical activity of any sort can definitely help :) It's proven! Also, taking your mind off things.

Does anyone have a solution for hearing your heart tell you (repeatedly) that you're in love? Despite the fact that the person in question is out of your reach (roughly) 51 weeks out of the year, is pretty enough that she's definitely dating someone more readily available, and you meet her under circumstances that are too happy-go-lucky for you to actually know a damn thing about her? Because when you've sworn off of relationships this feeling is even more miserable

It's definitely tough, having feelings like that. Can't speak for everyone, but I've been there. Can't claim to have a "solution" either, but having mostly got over it, I can suggest two things that helped:

1) I had someone challenge me as to what it was about me that was producing feelings like these, and what it was that I wanted. That is not to say that the feelings are wrong, they just are feelings, but they can also be based in other normal feelings, like loneliness or a desire for connection with people. And when it came down to it, I didn't actually "want" a romantic relationship with this person I was infatuated with, because it would have been against my personal ethics (they were unavailable). What I wanted was someone to talk to, and the process of thinking that through helped me to realise that there were other ways of fulfilling my need for personal connection. Now, it sounds like you've thought about it in the past and decided you don't actually want a relationship. Is that still true? If so, is there something else that would make you happier, like spending more time with other friends? Or if you do find you've changed your mind, is there something you want to do about it in general (not necessarily to do with her)?

2) The other thing that helped a lot was taking my focus off this other person as much as possible. Once I'd decided that I didn't want a relationship, well, that didn't make the feelings and thoughts go away, even though they weren't actually useful. I had to actively focus on other things - like my family and other relationships, and other activities - and all of that made me realise how unimportant that other person was to my life. "Knowing" you can live without them is one thing, but actually going out and living will help it sink in, and makes everything easier. So go swimming, take up any number of other activities you enjoy, focus on work, whatever makes you happy.

Hope this helps.

[Sholos]

Now why do you say that?

Because I can't see anything about myself that makes me a worthwhile person. Certainly everyone around me would much rather spend time with others than me. I can't attract any positive attention, I can't hold friendships, let alone a relationship, and I literally do nothing of any worth. Heck, even my own family has largely abandoned me. I don't talk with my own siblings. My brother just recently started up a relationship, and I can't bring myself to be happy for him at all. I feel completely isolated from everyone and everything and feel completely helpless to change it as any time I do try to do something, it ends up backfiring horribly.

[Chen]

Because I can't see anything about myself that makes me a worthwhile person. Certainly everyone around me would much rather spend time with others than me. I can't attract any positive attention, I can't hold friendships, let alone a relationship, and I literally do nothing of any worth. Heck, even my own family has largely abandoned me. I don't talk with my own siblings. My brother just recently started up a relationship, and I can't bring myself to be happy for him at all. I feel completely isolated from everyone and everything and feel completely helpless to change it as any time I do try to do something, it ends up backfiring horribly.

Definitely sounds like depression. I'll echo the comment of a poster above and say professional therapy is probably your best bet.

[Sholos]

Which would be great if I wasn't poor and uninsured. However, since I am both it looks like I'm going to go untreated for the time being.

[theangelJean]

That makes it slightly harder, but not impossible. I don't live with the US health system, but I don't like what I hear of it. However, free counselling sevices do exist. Your profile location says you're at a university - is that still the case? Most universities have a free counselling service for students and I'm guessing there are some for staff as well. If not, well I don't know exactly where you are, but a google search for "free counselling [your area]" should come up with at least some results. The service may be limited (in Australia you get a set number of sessions) but it's probably better than nothing, right? At least it might give you a chance to talk through your feelings and get a fresh perspective. And if they are really worried about you, I think they can refer you on to medical help (not sure how it works in the US though).

If you really can't find anything free that's face-to-face I'm sure there are also telephone helplines available (I only know the Australian ones sorry) although I don't know the exact extent of the kind of help they can give - it depends on the training of the person at the other end. But hey, talking to a random nice person on the end of the phone might help you as well. They're not just for desperate people who are about to do something harmful, they are there for anyone who needs someone to talk to, and you certainly won't be wasting their time.

[Grinner]

To echo the advice already given, it sounds like you have some unfair expectations of yourself. Why must you feel happy for your brother? Really, you just need to talk to someone about it to sort out these feelings.

[MonkeyBusiness]

Sholos:

I am sorry you are feeling so low. You appear to attend UVA - great school, by the way - which has excellent health services for students. If you pay the "comprehensive fee" as part of your tuition, this service is prepaid and entirely free:

http://www.virginia.edu/studenthealth/caps/faqs.html

If you you are not sure if you have comprehensive coverage, make an appointment anyway. They can find out for you. And if you don't they can work something out. They do not want you to suffer.


Let us know how it goes.

-Monkey

[Sholos]

Ah, yeah, I should probably change that. I did attend there, and graduated about a year ago. I tried going to CAPS in my last year, but the person they assigned me to was not helpful at all, and now that I'm out I can't really do anything with Student Health.

And, don't normal people feel happy about something like their brother finding someone? All I can feel is unhappy and that it just highlights my complete lack of ability to attract anyone. He's had this girl hanging around for something like 2 years now and all he had to do was decide that he wanted to date. Meanwhile I'm sitting around being apparently completely worthless.

[Skeppio]

And, don't normal people feel happy about something like their brother finding someone? All I can feel is unhappy and that it just highlights my complete lack of ability to attract anyone. He's had this girl hanging around for something like 2 years now and all he had to do was decide that he wanted to date. Meanwhile I'm sitting around being apparently completely worthless.

I dunno, sounds normal to me. In fact, I'm glad someone else understands those feelings, since I go through them every day. A combination of jealousy, fury and self-loathing and disappointment that others can just click their fingers and get everything they desire, while I throw all the effort I can, and never see a single fruit from my labours. And no-one seems to understand or care that it infuriates me.

So at the very least, you're not alone.

[Sholos]

I dunno, sounds normal to me. In fact, I'm glad someone else understands those feelings, since I go through them every day. A combination of jealousy, fury and self-loathing and disappointment that others can just click their fingers and get everything they desire, while I throw all the effort I can, and never see a single fruit from my labours. And no-one seems to understand or care that it infuriates me.

So at the very least, you're not alone.

That does make me feel marginally better. *hugs*

[Skeppio]

Yeah, loneliness is kind of a bastard at times. Still, if worst comes to worst, there's still the internet.

No, there isn't. I can never meet anyone from the Internet in person. And they're almost never anything like what they are online. I've never met someone in person who was even one percent as open, friendly, accepting and caring as they were online. Not even once.

And no-one I have ever met in person has ever:
-Been accepting and open as I am, or open enough to accept me. (Even when they say "You can tell me anything" it means "anything except absolutely anything you, Skeppio, have chosen to keep secret during the time I have known you". And therefore; one less friend, because they now hate me).
-Reacted to physical contact with anything less than pure hatred. (I'm a very physical person. I love nothing more than hugs and cuddling up with another person, a desire that absolutely no-one in this entire country seems to share. Seriously, it's like they'll dissolve if they're so much as touched by another human. A whole nation of prudish morons. )
-Shared any interests I have knowledge about or can entertain them with. (I like hearing others talk about their interests, but if you don't like anything that I do, you're probably going to find me very boring. And as nearly no-one shares said interests enough to actually enjoy being around me, that makes life difficult and dreary).
-Finds me attractive or at least pleasant to be around. (I'm not saying that out of vanity, I'm saying it out of sadness that people constantly reject me the instant I'm not perfect, or what they consider flawless. Yes, I have a quick temper and I am horribly shy. I have my reasons for these behaviours, and I've worked towards fixing them for years, damnit! Surely one chance is not too much to ask. I'm not perfect and neither are you. Stop thinking you are).
I'm not saying "WHY SHOULD I EVER HAVE TO CHANGE?", but there's only so much I can change before I'm no longer me. And that's never enough for anyone else I've met.

In regards to motivation, lack of productivity etc. one thing that can help is routine. Drawing up a daily or weekly planner to follow can help a bit, at the least it gives you something to occupy some of your time.

Ok:
Sunday: Nothing
Monday: Nothing
Tuesday: Nothing
Wednesday: Nothing
Thursday: Nothing
Friday: Nothing
Saturday: Nothing

Simple enough. Seriously, I have nothing to do with my life as it is. Planning out that nothing isn't a big step or help.

On the jobs side of things, is there something you'd specifically want to be doing if you could, or is it just a case of finding something that pays?

If it doesn't pay, it's not a job. So for the most part, I don't care what kind of job it is, as long as it means money. Problem is, absolutely no-one is both looking for a worker with qualifications i can fulfill and is willing to hire adults over teens (At least in my state, people under a certain age don't have to be paid full-wage, which is why companies hire incompetent worthless juniors over me, someone with age, experience, good references and is eager to work diligently).

I know I'm answering this late, but it goes with a nasty realization I had recently: The only person I'd really stand much of a chance with....is a clone of myself. I wish that didn't sound so bloody arrogant, but a clone would share my love of hugs and physical affection, as well as being someone I could talk to and keep interested for ages (the clone would have my memories, but also as its own entity would form its own new ideas and thoughts). Yet it would also share my disdain for being bossed around, it'd know what I hate, what calms me down and makes me feel better, and we'd both understand each other. We'd disagree (hell, i argue with my own thoughts and re-think them all the time), but I'd at least know how far is too far with them and they'd know the same for me.

[Haluesen]

@Skeppio, Sholos, and anyone else who reads this that feels alone and frustrated with the world;

I don't usually speak up on behalf of helping others, I often feel like I don't have the right words. But it is terrible that you are in a situation like this, and I've felt similar before though how similar I cannot say, since I don't fully know your lives, but I feel like I should at least try to say something here. Now that I have a rambling intro done...

I would say first that I agree with others here, that professional help may be the best thing with thoughts like loneliness, worthlessness, and such. But I personally do not know where the line is between sadness at life's circumstances and honest true depression. I say try to look at yourself, think if you have ever had thoughts like these before in your life, and judge for yourself whether you really need help. It can sometimes be hard to accept, but if it helps you out of the hole you find yourself trapped in, then it is at least worth a try.

More solid advice from me is to just push on through the sorrow and pain and doubt. I had a time where for a few months everything around me seemed to be falling apart. No home, no close friends, no job possibilities, no one seeming willing to help. I am better now than I was then but it took a complete change of situation to make it happen. But the important thing that I saw then was to just find something, anything, that motivates you and let it push you on through your bad thoughts. Doubts and worries are the worst things for a person to bear, and you need to find some way to at least push them to the back of your mind. Some motivations I've seen are things like don't let the sadness in your heart beat you, have the urge to fight against the way people in the world seem to be, or if you feel like you have nothing then use the thoughts of having nothing to lose or something to prove to yourself to keep trying anyway. The important thing is to keep trying, and odds are something will work out. It takes time, it takes effort, but it can be done. I've seen friends push through their sadness/depression to find something to go for in life, and I've done it myself when it seemed like the world was just going to swallow me and spit me out without a care.

But there are people who do care and you do have a place in the world, no one is minor or simply replaceable. If you don't feel like there is anyone around you to show that to you, then look for more friends, compatriots, someone. I know it has been said a lot but I cannot stress it enough: you are not worthless, and you are not alone.

That's just from my views and experiences and is the best words I can give, but I do have one other things I can say. I may just be some random guy on the internet speaking up, but I see how good people suffer in this world and it is just a horrible thing, and I do want to help. If at any time you just want someone to talk to, about problems or just to generally speak, or to make a friend, I am available to contact. I am on this site so frequently that getting ahold of me is pretty easy. I don't want to seem like I know anything. I just want to help be a friend, to anyone in need.

[WarKitty]

I just feel like I keep getting into situations where there's no "acceptable" solution. The roommate stuff is a good example - I feel like the ONLY solutions I could be at all happy with are either her moving out or her agreeing that she was wrong. Anything else causes intense anxiety and feeling like I'm being threatened or controlled. And that's just an example of how I feel all the time. I guess...I just feel like I'm constantly in situations where there are only bad options, or any option I have available is hugely stressful and threatening and I just CAN'T accept it, I just HAVE to have this other option.

[Chen]

I just feel like I keep getting into situations where there's no "acceptable" solution. The roommate stuff is a good example - I feel like the ONLY solutions I could be at all happy with are either her moving out or her agreeing that she was wrong. Anything else causes intense anxiety and feeling like I'm being threatened or controlled. And that's just an example of how I feel all the time. I guess...I just feel like I'm constantly in situations where there are only bad options, or any option I have available is hugely stressful and threatening and I just CAN'T accept it, I just HAVE to have this other option.

The sad reality is that there are "no win" situations in life. You need to take the least bad solution and go with it sometimes. Constantly searching for a "better" solution while suffering the whole time tends to be worse than going with a "bad" solution but at least mitigating some of the suffering in that manner.

[atomicpenguin]

Dear Skeppio,

First of all, in regards to you problems finding a job, I don't really have any help for you there. I can only tell you that things are just as bad for me in the United States right now and offer solidarity. We'll get through it.

With regards to finding people who share your interests, what are your interests? Do these interests have a physical place for them (a gaming store for a gaming hobby, for example). If they do then, rather than trying to find people who align with your interests, maybe you could frequent those places because other people like you are going to do the same.

Lastly, I don't want to alarm you but, having read the actual textbook, what you've described is pretty much a textbook case of clinical depression. Now I'm not leaping to conclusions or judging anything, but it may be worth your time to talk to a therapist or a counselor about what you've described here. Even if you are perfectly mentally healthy, it would probably be good for you to talk with someone trained in helping people through problems like this. I can't promise that you'll get what you need from it, but it might open some options up for you and it at least couldn't hurt.

Hoping this advice helps,
atomicpenguin

[HalfTangible]

So last night, Dad and I got into... I want to say 'a fight' but it wasn't vocal enough for that... conflict over my apparent lack of a job. Despite the fact that I'd told him I was looking at an online writing job that actually paid pretty well. I got him and mom off my back by pointing out I'd sent a query letter (something they already knew) and . And apparently they don't want my work at this time.

Which would be fine except Dad's gonna be smug and dickish about it like it means anything.

[dehro]

I'm going to be even worse than he is and ask you the following:
is that the only application (or equivalent term thereoff) that you have sent?
if yes... that's.. really bad. almost to the point of warranting the definition of "laughable effort".
you should be sending out queries and applications by the dozen, pretty much every day (each one of them well targeted and reasoned)
if that's not all you did and if you have indeed tried more avenues and sent more applications..why not share that with your parents too? showing you're really busy looking should earn you their sympathy.

[WarKitty]

The sad reality is that there are "no win" situations in life. You need to take the least bad solution and go with it sometimes. Constantly searching for a "better" solution while suffering the whole time tends to be worse than going with a "bad" solution but at least mitigating some of the suffering in that manner.

I get that, but...I sort of feel like there's no point to keeping going with a bad solution all the time. I feel like constantly accepting bad solutions is constantly keeping me in a state of anxiety and hurt. I understand what life is like, but I can't accept it.

I almost feel like there's some sort of giant target on me. I'm tired of accepting bad solutions. It hurts, and it seems like whenever I get my hands on anything I might care about or value I'm forced to give it up, because what I want is never in the allowed solution category.

[HalfTangible]

I'm going to be even worse than he is and ask you the following:
is that the only application (or equivalent term thereoff) that you have sent?
if yes... that's.. really bad. almost to the point of warranting the definition of "laughable effort".
you should be sending out queries and applications by the dozen, pretty much every day (each one of them well targeted and reasoned)
if that's not all you did and if you have indeed tried more avenues and sent more applications..why not share that with your parents too? showing you're really busy looking should earn you their sympathy.

It's the only writing application i've sent... mostly because I'm still looking for others to send. But I've also sent out dozens of job applications to various stores and locations around here. That they already know about.

[Chen]

I get that, but...I sort of feel like there's no point to keeping going with a bad solution all the time. I feel like constantly accepting bad solutions is constantly keeping me in a state of anxiety and hurt. I understand what life is like, but I can't accept it.

I almost feel like there's some sort of giant target on me. I'm tired of accepting bad solutions. It hurts, and it seems like whenever I get my hands on anything I might care about or value I'm forced to give it up, because what I want is never in the allowed solution category.

You've said that other options are either impossible or you're unable to do them or whatnot. The only alternative than to taking the doable but bad solution, is to do a re-assessment of the solutions you find "impossible". Very little is actually impossible. For example, monetary restrictions (usually the most common) have ways of being mitigated. Some people a very averse to lending (loans or credit cards etc). And its right to be wary of something like this because they CAN lead to fairly disastrous financial consequences. That said being miserable for the next 5 years because you're stuck in a situation that a little bit of money would help resolve is also a great way for a disastrous future.

I'm not saying money is the solution to your particular problem. I'm saying re-assessing your limitations may be necessary to try and obtain a better end result. People have a lot of preconceived notions about things being bad or risky and the like. Re-assessing these types of notions may end up showing you that those preconceived "bad" things are not as bad as the bad solutions you keep getting forced into accepting.

[The Rose Dragon]

So I hate grad school.

I especially hate it when teachers hand out term papers instead of having midterms, and even more especially when they do so the day before the finals start.

Since I'm probably gonna fail all my classes this semester and have to retake them next year, none of which I particularly wanted to take, and none of which really taught me anything above undergrad level, I feel like I wasted this semester, which only helped because I got to avoid getting conscripted or dying of boredom.

I'm hoping next year will be better, with classes I actually want to take and lab work.

[WarKitty]

You've said that other options are either impossible or you're unable to do them or whatnot. The only alternative than to taking the doable but bad solution, is to do a re-assessment of the solutions you find "impossible". Very little is actually impossible. For example, monetary restrictions (usually the most common) have ways of being mitigated. Some people a very averse to lending (loans or credit cards etc). And its right to be wary of something like this because they CAN lead to fairly disastrous financial consequences. That said being miserable for the next 5 years because you're stuck in a situation that a little bit of money would help resolve is also a great way for a disastrous future.

I'm not saying money is the solution to your particular problem. I'm saying re-assessing your limitations may be necessary to try and obtain a better end result. People have a lot of preconceived notions about things being bad or risky and the like. Re-assessing these types of notions may end up showing you that those preconceived "bad" things are not as bad as the bad solutions you keep getting forced into accepting.

Thing is...it's not one situation. It's just my sort of general feeling about the world. Like the thing with my roommate - I just feel like one other person being terrible can essentially ruin my life at home. I start to get comfortable and settled in a place, the landlord's nice, it starts to feel like home...and my roommate goes NUTS and starts making my life miserable, and my options are to either hide in my own home or pack up and move on short notice and try to settle in somewhere else wherever I can find mid-summer (not easy). I'm miserable either way. I have to go back to work soon, even though I'm not ready and I'm not strong enough to really be holding a job, because I can't keep borrowing money forever - which means taking more soul-destroying medication just so I can function enough to earn money at a job I don't want. I need medical treatment but don't have a servicable insurance option, so I have to either skip treatment or rely on my parents and put up with my mother's harassment. Those are the sort of choices that life offers.

It just feels to me like there's really only two roles in life - bully and victim. And I really don't want to be a bully. I don't. But I feel like I'm living in a world of bullies, and that if I'm not out there and aggressive enough all the time I might as well have a giant "hurt me" sign taped to my back.

[Chen]

Thing is...it's not one situation. It's just my sort of general feeling about the world. Like the thing with my roommate - I just feel like one other person being terrible can essentially ruin my life at home. I start to get comfortable and settled in a place, the landlord's nice, it starts to feel like home...and my roommate goes NUTS and starts making my life miserable, and my options are to either hide in my own home or pack up and move on short notice and try to settle in somewhere else wherever I can find mid-summer (not easy). I'm miserable either way. I have to go back to work soon, even though I'm not ready and I'm not strong enough to really be holding a job, because I can't keep borrowing money forever - which means taking more soul-destroying medication just so I can function enough to earn money at a job I don't want. I need medical treatment but don't have a servicable insurance option, so I have to either skip treatment or rely on my parents and put up with my mother's harassment. Those are the sort of choices that life offers.

It just feels to me like there's really only two roles in life - bully and victim. And I really don't want to be a bully. I don't. But I feel like I'm living in a world of bullies, and that if I'm not out there and aggressive enough all the time I might as well have a giant "hurt me" sign taped to my back.

When you're getting walked on it certainly can feel that way. That said the point of my previous post was that you are limiting your current options in a way that makes it seem like you only have bad decisions. For the roommate example there are other options than moving or living with it (which are the only two you've mentioned). Off the top of my head there would be forcing HER to move out (presumably with the help of your other roommate). Another option is actually giving in to her demands. Clearly not a great one, but something to consider especially if its not for too much longer.

I don't know the details of your work/medication situation and the like but it SOUNDS like a situation where you'd be eligible for disability (at least here in Canada). You may have already looked at that and it may not work, but if not its something to consider.

Overall, I can understand a lot of this is also just ranting which is fine and probably fairly cathartic anyways. As trite as it sounds things don't always have to be terrible. Good things do happen. If nothing else trying to focus on what good things you do have (however small) can make things look less bleak which can certainly help your overall outlook towards life.