More Funny D&D Stories

[Myrc88]

My DM is Evil
Playing in a custom setting, I made the mistake of entering a shop with the intent to stock up on supplies.
This place was called Bob's Emporium.
I left not only with my rope, chalk and oil, but about 50-80 extra pounds of things I really didn't want or need.
The extra things:
Gnomish firefly lamp
8 tree beds
Foldable saw
Bug ointment
Bug nets
Several large water skins
And way more variety of chalk than necessary.
My party has made me promise to never enter anything called emporium alone ever again.
However, it only cost me 50 gold.
I hate my DM's salesman NPCs.

[AGCIAS]

This is my story. Our rouge rolls a one on pick pockets at first level. DM describes it thusly:

"You approach your mark stealthily. You tap her on the shoulder and say "excuse me, where is your purse? I plan to steal it."

Very good, Elandris, very good.

One from a friend, a 1st Edition D&D round-robin game he had played in for five years. One of the DMs was very good but really liked one particular player who played a hobbit thief/bard who would enter a room as the party attacked, hide, come out at the end of the fight and pocket any treasure he could get away with. Because of his friendship with the one DM, he got a lot of cool loot and away with most of his garbage. The DM was good enough that the other players put up with this … for a time. Finally, the other players and one of the DMs got together to rid the world of this menace. They decided that, given the hobbit’s proclivity for entering a room and immediately hiding behind a tapestry or furniture, they would have a tapestry beside a door with no wall behind it, leading into a pit. 100 feet down the pit were a series of hair-thin mithril wires running across the pit. 50 feet below that, another set of wires at 90 degrees to the first, and so on and so on. I think there may have been a pit of acid at the bottom. They called it the hobbimatic. Everyone spent a lot of time working everything out to the last detail. Two rooms into the dungeon the hobbit was killed and the hobbimatic went unused.

[TeChameleon]

In games we worked perfectly together but we, I will admit, sometimes had a tendency to overplan.

... if your group ever tries Shadowrun, I want to hear what happens

[Easyfutco]

This is the game i like the most of all that i have tried.
Thank you very much, for the game, for being active with the community, for trying to solve the bugs, for the blog updates, for everything.

Hey there,
i'm not a fan of big words so i'll keep it short and simple:
Thank you for making such a lovely game!
Thank you for countless hours of pure gaming fun!
Thank you for making it so very customizable via mod support!
Thank you for not pushing things too fast!
Well, thank you and keep up the fantastic work!

http://goo.gl/2xgUbu
http://goo.gl/U6ZHNM
http://goo.gl/lvR4Rj

[enderlord99]

This is the game i like the most of all that i have tried.
Thank you very much, for the game, for being active with the community, for trying to solve the bugs, for the blog updates, for everything.

Hey there,
i'm not a fan of big words so i'll keep it short and simple:
Thank you for making such a lovely game!
Thank you for countless hours of pure gaming fun!
Thank you for making it so very customizable via mod support!
Thank you for not pushing things too fast!
Well, thank you and keep up the fantastic work!

http://goo.gl/2xgUbu
http://goo.gl/U6ZHNM
http://goo.gl/lvR4Rj

...Who are you talking to?

[dehro]

I smell

[AGCIAS]

... if your group ever tries Shadowrun, I want to hear what happens

Shadowrun didn’t come out until years later, but we did have some fun with Traveller, a SF RPG. The computers for the spaceships were several tons, to let you know what the tech was like. Since the game computers were less powerful than even then period computers, we made up a lot of our own tech, some of which were predecessors of things in Shadowrun.

[AGCIAS]

I noticed someone else here had played Chivalry & Sorcery. They, and several other RPGs, rushed to get out before AD&D, and thus had many … typos. In C&S failing a spell roll might result in magical backlash that could turn you into a “frong.” OD&D wasn’t exempt from this; it gave a “% in liar” for monsters. Not to be outdone (in slavishly imitating D&D) Arduin Grimoire gave its monsters “% liar.” In many ways AG was a very good, imaginative game (rotten game system, though). It ran to 100th level when most games went to 20th and even suggested ending the campaign when the players got to 15th. It had great monsters, such as kill kittens – cute, furry black land-going piranhas with the appearance of kitties – many of which I have stolen over the years. Of course OD&D magic swords might have the power to “detect meal and what kind.” It was meant to be “metal” and we played it that way but there were many jokes about “You detect roast beef” and “There seems to be a hamburger around the bend in the tunnel.”

RuneQuest (1st Ed.) was another of THOSE games. It would take 3 hours for a knowledgeable player to create a character (Space Opera ran more like 4 or 5). And if you think D&D crit misses are bad…. I once cut off my arm with a halberd. The DM said that I hit the ground, the blade impaled itself and I fell on it. I suggested, rather, that the blade hit a rock, the end of the halberd snapped off and, spinning like a scythe, flew up in the air and came down, slicing off my arm.

[goto124]

OD&D magic swords might have the power to “detect meal and what kind.” It was meant to be “metal” and we played it that way but there were many jokes about “You detect roast beef” and “There seems to be a hamburger around the bend in the tunnel.”

No no, play it as written :D

[AGCIAS]

No no, play it as written :D

A magic sword with this ability only came up once and while, knowing that group, there had to be humor involved, I only remember someone suggesting using it one time to see what a tavern was serving for lunch.

Still, isn't playing it as written a little too much of a gimme? A little too easy?

[Hyena]

Okay, this isn't a DnD story - but still, it's from a game, so listen up.

So, me and a couple of friends decided to play Mutants and Masterminds. One DM, three players - nice and simple. One guy created a magical supersonic Iron Man in the ancient greek armor, the gal created a mind controlling fey. Me? I've created the Jackal - a non-superpowered guy, who managed to battle with supernatural threats with help of a bulletproof vest, a gas mask, a pistol, C4 and a lot of balls. The Jackal was a pretty funny character to play with - for example, he had the power of off-screen teleportation - but only as long as there was an air vent nearby. Once he encountered a locked door on the way to the boss - so he planted explosives and blew it up. The resulting explosion turned out to be so strong that it accidentally vaporized the demon on the other side. But most importantly, he was a total **** to everyone encountered - and it was hilarious. The PC hated him and chewed him out on his reckless behaviour, the group OOCly nicknamed him "The Worst Superhero Ever" - I've thought that the reason for it was his unpleasant behaviour, but the truth turned out to be much more amusing.
So, after a couple of month of regular sessions, we were fighting some nazis. Psychic blast waves were flying, punches were thrown, Jackal managed to shoot a couple of guys. Afterwards, I decided to interrogate one of them.

"You can't." - the DM said. - "You killed him."
I was dumbfounded for a second. "How?"
"You shot him in the head. He's dead."

I was silent for a full minute before bursting out laughing. You see, the gun the Jackal used all this time? It was a stun gun - a glorified tazer, a completely non-lethal weapon, and it was written so on my character sheet. The DM, however, apparently never paid a lot of attention to it - so every time I've declared that I shoot someone, he (and the rest of the party) assumed that I pump a mook full of lead and leave him to bleed out, like some kind of Punisher character. After so many sessions, the Jackal must have stacked up a horrifying body count - which is why the police, superhero guild and the PCs utterly hated him.
My next character used fists as his weapons.

[darkscizor]

In a campaign I DMed for 5e a while ago-

Early on-

Druid (in an island setting): Can I get anything for offering someone to a shark god as a virgin sacrifice?


Later, the same druid tries to sell the party's fighter to a nobleman as a sex slave. She (now I'm talking about the fighter) almost attacked the group, but decided to go with things and let the group save her. The party sells her for 50gp, leaves, and never comes back.

Me: Well, at least no one will be able to sacrifice her to a shark god or anything...

[Hyena]

Wow, your players are douches.

[AGCIAS]

After so many sessions, the Jackal must have stacked up a horrifying body count - which is why the police, superhero guild and the PCs utterly hated him.

My wife burst into laughter when I read that to her. She almost fell out of her seat. Which would have been far less terrifying if she hadn't been driving.

[AGCIAS]

Another early AD&D story from a friend. A newly minted 5th level magic-user (wizard) cast her first, and last, fireball five minutes into the dungeon. I got the impression that the player was a newbie. The DM mentioned that she saw a (normal-size) spider scurrying across the floor in the midst of the party. She was arachnophobic. The MU cast fireball at the spider and no one made their saves – except the spider. I guess the force of the fireball blew it out of range.

[rs2excelsior]

Current game going on, I'm playing as a Hobgoblin paladin of St. Cuthbert (D&D 3.5).

So, we run into a patrol of shapeshifters, part of an army that's invading Kobold lands--a werewolf, a wereboar, a wererat, and two regular wolves. The party tries to talk to them, and things go south. Combat begins when I throw a dagger at the werewolf.

So the wolves charge me, and one of them manages to trip me. The other party members are dealing with them, so I decide to go after the werewolf. Rather than standing up, I tell the DM I want to grab the werewolf, wrestle him to the ground, and headbutt him.I barely manage the Dex roll to beat his reflex save, so I quite literally have a werewolf by the tail. I bring him down and manage to smack my head into his, which the DM rules is 1d4+1.5*STR damage.

Next turn, the werewolf doesn't try and get up, he instead bites down on my arm. I detect evil on him and yeah, he's seriously evil. I lost my glaive, and it wouldn't do any good in close quarters like this, and I can't draw my mace with his jaws around my arm. So I have only one other option--I Smite Evil with my face, making another headbutt attack, while shouting a traditional war cry of paladins of St. Cuthbert--"Have a cudgel to the face, moron!"

My Holy Headbutt Attack managed to do 11 damage and got the werewolf to release my arm.

[AGCIAS]

When I was in college, we ran three to five games a week (yes, none of us had any sex lives). It wasn’t uncommon for a gaggle of us to force our way into someone’s room and demand a game.

Spoiler: A Truely Random Dungeon

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One time four friends ordered me to run something. I had never used the random dungeon generator in the back of the DMG so decided to give it a shot. I started rolling for tunnels and rooms, size, shape and direction. This required me to roll many, many dice. As I created the dungeon, I noticed the players becoming more and more nervous. I mean, really obviously. After, I asked why they had all been so very nervous. “We knew we were in trouble because of all the hit dice you were rolling.”

Spoiler: The Last, and Only, Encounter

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Okay, it was a dungeon literally created on the spot. The group of four first level players finally ran into the two (randomly rolled) gargoyles. Which, at the time, could only be hit by magic weapons. With a party that had only one magic weapon; a +1 arrow. And a Potatomasher. A Potatomasher was four pints of oil tied around the head of a torch, lit and thrown for beau-coupe damage. The gargoyles took flight heading for them. Someone threw the only PM – and missed! Scatter table time. The miss went 12 feet to the left at 9 o’clock and zeroed the other gargoyle. His mate was stabbed to death with a magic arrow.

[FalconsLady]

I wanted to run a silly two night campaign with friends we don't see often. I based the story off of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in which the party retraces the steps of the original Knights to try to finally find the Grail. There were many funny things that happened. The best, however, is when the party encountered the Knights of Ni, whom I based off of the PF bogeyman monster. The party was struggling. Then, our Cleric of Antioch, casts Holy Word "it." I as the DM bowed before the creativity and allowed it to defeat the Knights.

Other funny things included items such as a dead parrot relic which would bring a PC back to life if they passed a bluff check to convince he/she was not dead, just resting; the holy hand grenade acting as a Pokemon ball to trap the rabbit with big pointy teeth (tarrasque, final boss); an attack on the DM (aka animator) so the cartoon peril would be no more; two three headed Giants who wanted revenge against a PC (Sir Robin's brother) for disgracing thier father by running away from him; and an encounter with the limbless black Knight who had become a demilich. Fun times indeed.

[AGCIAS]

I wanted to run a silly two night campaign with friends we don't see often. I based the story off of Monty Python and the Holy Grail....

Wonderful! Reminds me of a game in college. The DM gave us the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Bob Lyle and I did the intro spiel from memory (mostly Bob). In the dungeon we encountered a purple tentacled horror; obviously something that we couldn’t defeat on our own. I produced the HHGoA and started counting. “One! Two! FIVE!” Bob: “Three, sir.” Me: "Three!" The entire party started screaming. It turned out the two of us (and the DM) were the only ones who had seen the movie and everyone else thought I had just doomed us all!

[darkscizor]

Wow, your players are douches.

Yes. Yes they are.

[AGCIAS]

In my first campaign, 1st Edition, the players had eventually settled in Homlet and done a good job of clearing it out and stirring up the top villains.

Spoiler: Arrrr, matie.

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They got a contract to protect a mithril mine for seven dwarves up north. Half the party decided to travel by land and the rest to take a merchant ship. I have no memory of why they decided to do this. Anyway, pirates attacked the merchant ship about halfway there. One of the players, Paul, was the fighter/tank. When the pirates hove into view, he suited up in field plate (AC 1, now 19, easier to move in than full plate). This, on a ship, in the middle of the ocean, was either the bravest or stupidest thing I ever saw an otherwise canny player do. The pirates pulled alongside and grappled the ship. They boarded toward the bow and began pushing the sailors and party toward the stern. And the ship caught fire. The merchant ship was a galley and the stern was six feet higher and 12 feet from the stern of the pirate ship. Paul took a running jump, over 12 feet of water, and actually made it with feet to spare. The rest of the party and crew fell back and followed him as he led the charge to take the pirate ship. They cut the lines holding the two ships together and sailed away, with the pirates’ hold of treasure, leaving the pirates aboard a burning, crippled ship sinking slowly below the horizon. They found an island with a small pirate town where they resupplied, sold the less portable of the pirates’ loot and heard a rumor of a temple in the island’s interior where the townsfolk were afraid to go. I forget what was in the temple and am too lazy to dig out my notes but after they cleared the temple out and were following a cliff back to the town, what did they see on the horizon but the merchant ship limping back to the pirates’ home base. They rushed back to the pirate ship and got away before the pirates got there. The merchant got a new ship and enough treasure to be happy and half the players got to Portown ahead of the others.

[FalconsLady]

Wonderful! Reminds me of a game in college. The DM gave us the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Bob Lyle and I did the intro spiel from memory (mostly Bob). In the dungeon we encountered a purple tentacled horror; obviously something that we couldn’t defeat on our own. I produced the HHGoA and started counting. “One! Two! FIVE!” Bob: “Three, sir.” Me: "Three!" The entire party started screaming. It turned out the two of us (and the DM) were the only ones who had seen the movie and everyone else thought I had just doomed us all!

Yeh. Four party members quoted the scene verbatim. It was an awesome time.

[The Grue]

Not so much "Ha Ha" funny as "This Makes No Sense" funny, but here:

Spinning up an Eberron game using Pathfinder. GM linked this conversion page for our benefit, but added "If you're playing an artificer don't use the one on that page, use the one in the Eberron Campaign Setting instead".

Uh...the one written in the 3.5 rules? Back when crafting items had an XP cost? "Yeah, but craft reserve converts to GP now." Okay great, so a level 1 artificer has a 20 GP discount on crafting items...

Whatever, craft reserve isn't that big a deal. Can I ask why you dislike the one on the conversion page?

"It just doesn't feel like an artificer to me. Feels like you took some of the abilities of the various caster classes and gave it to a cleric then added crafting feats."

You...what mate? The conversion has literally all the same class features, except for the craft reserve but that's redundant now that crafting doesn't have an XP cost - and Retain Essence now salvages a fraction of the item's GP cost in raw materials. What's missing?

"I don't like the artificer on the website, you can make one based off the book or not, it's up to you."

[AGCIAS]

Yeh. Four party members quoted the scene verbatim. It was an awesome time.

Good times!

Spoiler: Epitath

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This was from just a bit later in my first campaign and was not actually part of the adventure, just my recounting for the players of why they never needed to go back to Homlet. All was rolled, no DM fiat. Paul wasn’t high enough level to have a stronghold but he built a walled manor house on a very defensible point at the edge of town. Paul picked up a henchman, a charismatic fighter, who rolled an adjusted 80-somehing on loyalty. He also found a girlfriend, a pretty female fighter, who also had a high reaction to him. He then proceeded to collect hirelings. He offered a job to … wait for it … the head spy for the Temple of Elemental Evil in the area. The spymaster said he’d think about it, contacted his superiors and then took the job. He then hired two evil characters that the spymaster promptly co-opted with piles of gold (random reaction rolls). In my defense, I did drop many clues, which were promptly ignored. Now the random rolls began. The henchman and henchwoman met each other. One rolled a 96 reaction and the other a 98. Though they both cared for Paul, they decided that they had to be together and Paul’s trip north was the time to run off together (again, random rolls). At the same time, and this had been set up well ahead of time, the ToEE was planning to attack. The two lovers left, time and date randomly rolled, hours before the spy and hirelings opened the manor to the invading orcs, who established it as a strong-point for their attack. After the attack was beaten back (notice I carefully did NOT say “beaten off,” been there, done that), the NPCs in charge of the town sent a bag of gold equal to what Paul had spent on his house along with a note pretty much saying “Your henchmen are missing, presumed dead. A place like yours, and the defenses of Homlet, can’t be trusted to the likes of you and your friends. Don’t come back.” Paul was not happy.

[Kianlon]

This one's a doozy... so my friends and I were playing d20 Modern, in a setting where most technology has stopped working. There is magic, though, and one of our party members was a werewolf. We end up going to his hometown; my character is the only one with Track and he's the only one who knows the area. One of the other characters, "Benny", decides to ignore the party's decision to wait until morning to investigate a cabin in the middle of nowhere... and this happens. Benny has no map, no navigation skills, and a really crappy light source, but a nat 20 on his stealth-related checks lets him sneak out of the inn where the party is staying,

DM: ...Okay, but you're still alone in hostile territory and you don't know where you are. *sigh* Kia, help me out here. Give me an animal that lives by the river.
Me (OOC): Um... rabid watervoles?
DM: Perfect. You hear skittering sounds coming towards you. What do you do?
Benny: I run away.
DM: In which direction?
Benny: Back to the inn!
DM: Yeah... the voles follow you.
Wolfgar (OOC): You do realize you're in a village full of werewolves, right? We don't want to deal with rabies!
Benny: Do I have any styrofoam or chemicals?
DM: What do you think?
Benny: ... am I at the inn yet?
DM: *sigh* Yes.
Benny: I run inside and bolt the door behind me.
DM: The inkeeper gives you a "What the hell, man?" look.
Benny: I run upstairs to our room.
DM: Jodi (her NPC) wakes up. What the hell are you trying to do? It's two in the morning!
Benny: I need to borrow Wolfgar.
Jodi: Ugh, fine. But I'm going back to sleep.
Wolfgar: By this time I'm already awake. What do you want?
Benny: How do I get rid of watervoles?
Wolfgar: I'll show you. I go downstairs, pick up a log set it on fire, and throw it out the window.
DM: Eh, that works. Why not. There's still like four voles left.
Wolfgar: I walk outside and stomp on them until all of the voles are dead. Then I move towards Benny.
Benny: Um... bye! I run away.
DM: The same way you went before?
Benny: Yes!
Wolfgar: I need a tracker... I go back inside, apologize to the innkeeper for my idiotic associate, and knock on the door to the girls' room.
DM: Jodi answers the door.
Wolfgar: Sorry for bothering you, but I need Lyn (my character).
Me: What was all that noise about downstairs?
Jodi: I don't know.
Wolfgar: Benny was being stupid, almost started a rabies outbreak, and ran into the middle of the forest. We need to track him down and bring him in.
Me: I'll grab my crossbow.

We make it pretty far out, following Benny's trail, until we see him standing next to the river. Lyn shoots him in the left leg so we can take him back, because he won't stop trying to run away from us and the DM's ticked at him so she doesn't care.
We end up tying him to his bed and duct taping him down for good measure and leave him the whole night with only a math puzzle book. This is referred to as The Watervole Incident, and Benny will forever live in infamy among our gaming circle. And to think we thought him stealing the shirts of anyone we knocked out or killed was bad...

[AGCIAS]

Six months after I graduated, I went back to college to finish a campaign in two marathon 16 and 18-hour sessions. So, we killed the BBBEG (Reredrum the ranger had to roll 17 or better to hit, even with my magic bow and the thief’s gloves of dexterity, with the multi-multi-buffed arrow of slaying; he rolled a nat. 20) and we were going to loot the treasure cave while the armies of good fought He Who Shall Not Be Named’s (years before Valdemort) army outside of the castle. The guardian of the entry was a clay golem and I took damage that couldn’t be healed by magic short of a Heal spell. We went out into the battle and found a High Priest (lvl 17+), who was fighting some major demon, to ask him to cast the spell. “Um, guys, I’m a little busy here.” WHUMP, one round we pounded it into the ground. “’Oh … okay.”

[rs2excelsior]

Same Hobgoblin Paladin as before. Party is level 3, for reference.

The party is beaten up in a tough fight (which we technically win) with some gnolls, captured by an adult red dragon who is also high priestess of some unknown god, and thrown into a sigil made of burned kobold corpses which sends us to the home plane of this shadow god. We're brought before him in his fortress.

It's pretty clear we aren't meant to fight--we're still depleted from the last fight and this guy is obviously a very high-level spellcaster at the very least. But, he doesn't seem interested in immediately killing us. Instead, he asks for our names. So I do what any self-respecting paladin would do when captured, sent to an unknown plane with no way to get home, and confronted by a powerful evil being styling himself as a god. I step forward (as the rest of the party shrinks back), look him in the eye, and say, "I am Hatholdir, Paladin of the Order of the Black Eagle of St. Cuthbert, and in His most holy name, I will now accept your surrender."

The entire table (OOC) burst out laughing. IC, it got me and the Cleric of Pelor (who backed me up) sent up 300 ft in the air for a few minutes.

---

And another one, this time as a half-orc wizard in 5E. Different campaign and DM, but everyone is involved in the above campaign as well.

Our party was out escorting a caravan with the intent to hunt down some bandits (two sets--one of which was actually us--we were debating setting up a scam along those lines) when we're attacked in the night by aforementioned bandits. The other two wake up... and I consistently fail my constitution save to do so. For something like 5-6 rounds, I snore my way through a battle. When the tiefling eldritch knight picks me up to use as a shield, I keep sleeping. When I'm struck by an arrow in the shoulder... I keep sleeping. I think I finally woke up when the tiefling went unconscious and dropped me. I was in the fight about long enough to thunderwave something and chuck a couple of acid splashes around.

Seriously, I was rolling with advantage eventually, and still couldn't break 10, even with a positive CON modifier. I might have argued that there was no way I could have slept through some of that, but it was funnier just to let it go on.

[AGCIAS]

Excellent definitions of descriptive vs. prescriptive! I will pass it on to my group.


Still 1st Ed. but years later and a different group. I couldn’t make a game but I did not want them without the best (or second best, depending on who you talked to) fighter so told the DM that he could run me as an NPC. When I got back, I found that they had wandered into an alchemical waste dump and suffered random rolls from the Gamma World mutation table. My lizardman fighter got +6d6 damage on attacks (to which the DM said “Bull****, you get 23 strength), and the paladin became the Porcu-paladin.

Spoiler: Warning: Not Funny

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Not funny but we found it touching. Same game, while we were taking time off to build a castle. The thief borrowed my +3 bullette shield, the porcupaladin’s plate armor and all the rest of the party’s stackable protective items. When we asked him why, he said he just wanted to see what it was like to have AC -20 (now AC 30).

The same group, not funny but the memory always makes me smile so I have to recount it (apologies). We were 8th level, on a long causeway in the middle of a lake or swamp, I forget, when a huge old green dragon [9 HD of 6 points each for 54 HP (about CR 15 now due to the PCs’ greater to hit and damage) with immunity to arrows and three breath attacks for 54 points each] decided to strafe us. I had a javelin of lightning and several javelins of piercing and the rest had nice ranged attacks. First pass missed the lower HP PCs and the rest saved. Not so well the second. Before it could make another pass, which would have killed some of us even with saves, we spread out and had damaged it enough that it landed to go into melee (I guess the DM thought he could avoid ranged spells by going into melee and kill a few of us before the rest could close ranks). Killed it in two rounds, I got green dragon scale armor to go with my bullette shield and became point man, er, monster, in non-magic areas.

[AGCIAS]

Spoiler: The Last of the DeLorean

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This happened in one of my Bureau 13: Stalking the Night Fantastic games. Mike Patton (God, I hope his player isn’t reading this) has a brushed steel DeLorean that he loved. It had pretty much anything you could think of – bulletproof, machine guns (triangulated to 700 meters), a missile launcher, thermite self-destruct. Anyway, the players’ base had, at least the aboveground section, been compromised and the players were going to re-supply from their off-site storage dump. But the bad guys, a splinter group of the Brotherhood of Darkness, had scoped them out pretty well and set up a few heavily armed sentries in an abandoned warehouse across the street. Mike pulled up at the entrance as the players realized that they were drawing fire, and ran into the warehouse. The players moved up the floors on opposite stairwells of the empty, open-plan building. At one point, one of them launched a RAW (rifleman assault weapon) at some dimly seen figures on the opposite side of the building without bothering to ID the targets. Luckily the other party members ducked back into the stairwell and the concrete wall absorbed the brunt of the explosion and no one was badly hurt. But about then I turned to Mike and said, “You hear a ‘WHUMP’ and an explosion.” He looked blankly at me and all the color drained out of his face. He knew what had happened. Twenty years later I mentioned it to him and he got mad at me all over again.

“Duck,” another player, had been captured at the base. Duck got his name after the first two adventures he was in. In one, someone yelled “duck” at him and he looked around and said, “Where?” He got hit but it was worth it. The next adventure, he tried to shoot someone with a MAC 10 on full auto. He rolled so badly that he sprayed over the party’s heads and everyone yelled “DUCK.” Thus Duck was born. Duck was taken to an unfinished office building far north of town for interrogation. But the villains didn’t know he had a tracker on him. If you want to see what his rescue was like, watch the beginning of Mission Impossible III. While the game was nearly two decades before the movie, it was identical except that the players used a Cobra gunship requisitioned from a nearly military base.

[bloopy789]

There was this one time I was DM'ing a small group of players on a homemade adventure. They were visiting a town that was basically under martial law. While visiting an inn, the groups bard meestah wessdog decided to try out an ability he hadn't known he had where he could damage others by shouting at them. After shouting at a man viciously, said man's heart gave out, and the party went to war with the guards, turning the town into a dungeon.

Another time, while fighting a dragon, the group decided it might be easier to kill the dragon from the inside. As I don't like to say no to technically possible ideas, they formulated a plan. Lebron the giant picked up TheRealSunnyD who was a shardmind, and threw him towards the dragons mouth. mid-air, TheRealSunnyD used his teleport ability to transform into tiny crystals to survive the trip down the dragons throat. In the end, the dragon didn't survive very long, as TheRealSunnyD burrowed through it's flesh, and proceeded to use it's heart as a punching bag.

Finally while not as complex, one time, with the same group, TheRealSunnyD and an eladrin named striker were trying to convince the owner of a nightclub (who was also a collector of rare items) to give them more money for their carcass of an extinct spider species. After he refused them, Striker tried throwing knives into each of his guards to force him to give more money. after rolling a 1, however, she instead through one knife into the floor, and one into the ceiling. In the end, they killed the guards through combat, TheRealSunnyD broke the Nightclub owners knees, and they ran.