More Funny D&D Stories

[GuesssWho]

Crazy ****, but I admit I was expecting Jello to fall off the world and survive. Falling is physical damage and all :

[Greg_S]

I've got a couple of stories from my very first campaign as a player, in a Shadowrun 2e game. Here's our first session, I'll be glad to share more too.

Our characters:

Spoiler: Ringtail

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My character. A Raccoon Shaman who focused on going into Astral Space and mind-reading magic. Thanks to some fun houserules, I got my stats rolled, and ended up with a body of 6. For those who don't know the system, that made Ringtail extremely hard to kill. As a downside, he emulated the Raccoon spirit so much that he had a kleptomaniacial desire for shiny things as well as extreme absent-mindedness.

Spoiler: Priest

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A burned-out detective, and our cybered-up face. The player was also the only one who had ever played an RPG previously, and will display competence, unlike the rest of us. Had a contact list comprising basically all of Seattle.

Spoiler: Jospeh

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He misspelled his name on his character sheet, so we ran with it. A physical adept (basically, kinda like a 3.5 Swordsage/Warblade) who decided to focus on being a sniper, because who wants synergy? His player was not particularly good at anything.

I call this one "We don't do subtle."

We start at Priest's detective agency. A rich family's youngest daughter has gone missing, and they want someone semi-legit to look where the big corp crews can't. Our lead is the last known photo of the daughter. She's standing in front of a building with "ad's Cafe" on its front billboard, but the first portion's cut off.

Jospeh: Ok, let's look up all of the locations for Dad's cafe, it's got to be that.
Priest: Why Dad's cafe?
Jospeh: What else could it be?
Priest: I don't know, Brad's cafe? Chad's cafe? Orcs exist in this world, it could be Gorbad's cafe! Let's look up Gorbad's cafe while we're at it!
GM: (crosses something out on his sheet) So, the photo does match a location, and now it's Gorbad's cafe.

This Gorbad's is in a less slummy area of town, so we all take our different vehicles to get there. Ringtail's beaten-up pickup truck stops at a red light, but, seeing something shiny, he takes his foot off the brake, lurches into the intersection a little, and causes a small fender-bender. An orc gets out of one of the damaged cars and walks up to the truck.

Ringtail: (slowly rolls down manual window) Hello, what seems to be the problem, sir?
GM: He punches you in the face.
Ringtail: I cast control actions.
GM: Ok, you are now controlling his actions.
Ringtail: I would like him to begin punching himself in the groin.
GM: (sighing loudly) The orc is now punching himself in the groin.
Ringtail: I tell him to have a nice day, then drive away.

At Gorbad's, Priest and Jospeh decide to go in the front door and scope things out. Priest sits down and starts scanning things with his cybereyes. Jospeh, meanwhile, holds up the glossy 8x10 photo we received, and yells, "Has anyone seen her?" Someone from behind the counter races back into the kitchen, and Priest and Jospeh pursue. Meanwhile, Ringtail casts invisibility on himself and starts sneaking into the kitchen through the staff entrance.

Inside the kitchen, Priest and Jospeh are standing there, guns drawn, facing a woman holding two knives, wearing two full bandoliers of them across her torso. The invisible Ringtail raises his pistol, ready to fire.

GM: (rolling ~18 d6) Ringtail, roll your body.
Ringtail: Wait, why?
GM: She hit you.
Ringtail: She hit me?
GM: In the eye, too. It was a really good shot.

So this character, who we later would learn was one of the main nemeses of the campaign, tosses a knife across the room at an invisible target, critting Ringtail in the eye, and knocking him unconscious for the first of many times to come. The invisibility spell didn't fade immediately either, so for a brief few seconds, there was part of a knife, suspended in midair, spurting blood. The woman escaped after badly wounding Jospeh, and poor Priest was stuck in the condition of having to lug two idiots' bodies to the local street doc.

That was the end of the first session.

[Lord Torath]

Tales of the C.L.U.E.less (unofficial). My players really need to work on their dragon-slaying tactics.

Their first dragon was a young blue, sleeping (as described in the modules I was running) on a small pile of treasure. Rather than strike while it was sleeping, they woke it up first, and while nobody died (other than the dragon), it was a near thing.

The next dragon they encounter is an old green dragon in its lair. Module says a 33% chance of being asleep, and I roll a 2 on a d6, so it's asleep. The party, gathered outside the entrance to the cave, doesn't know this, of course. But they do know there's a large green dragon inside. So they cleverly use the cleric's snake staff, combined with Speak With Animals, to scope out the place. Twenty minutes later the snake slithers out of the entrance and tells them there's a large green lizard asleep in the far end of the cave.

The group plans. The Paladin is Enlarged, Prayer is cast, a Silence 15' radius spell is cast on a rock, and the cleric carries it to keep the group quiet. The mage has a wand of paralysis, and the group decides to use it to make the dragon easier to kill. They do know it's not a guaranteed success, though. So they creep up to within 50 feet of the beast, the mage backs out of the range of the Silence spell, raises her wand and murmurs "Stop Moving" (the player-determined activation phrase). A ray leaps from the wand and strikes the dragon. But how can they check to see if it worked? Dragons have magic resistance, after all (they had previously witnessed this first hand). Someone gets the bright idea of throwing the Silent rock at the dragon. If it doesn't move when they hit it, it must be paralyzed, right? After a couple of confirming questions from me, the cleric lobs the rock, but rolls so poorly she missed AC 10, so I ruled the rock noiselessly struck the back wall of the cave. After considering this for a moment (we're not silent anymore, how do we retrieve the rock without waking the dragon? The thief has a move silently of around 85%, plus Boots of Elven Kind) the cleric decides to use a Hero Point (house rule) to re-roll her failed attack roll. This time she hits the green beast squarely on the snout.

Their plan worked perfectly. They almost instantly determined that the wand had not affected the dragon. Who was not amused.

The mage died in the ensuing combat, but luckily the cleric hit level 9, gaining access fifth level spells, including Raise Dead.

[Vwrt]

"The moon is going to crash into the world!"
"Really? We go find, get rich, yes? Am bauble fit for queen!"
"No, you don't understand, this is really bad. It's going to cause unspeakable devastation."
"Why? Moon am only this big. Oh crap: am everyone turn to werewolfs?"
"No, no, no. The moon is huge."
"No, I see it many times, is this big."
"you know when you see a warrior riding a horse far away, the horse looks small because its far away? The moon only looks small because it's very very far away."
"Oh. Damn. Okay, I go tell king about falling moon. If he says we fetch for queen, I tell him no, moon is big like distant whores."

[IronLionShark]

Well. I have a fairly funny one:
My DM had me in a Beowulf theme adventure. I was a rogue/wizard with arcane archer. Everything was going well. Then, I decided to follow Beowulf, kill the dragon, and get lots of sweet loot. I thought that if Beowulf could kill the dragon alone in the book (despite dying afterwards), then if I follow him I was assured survival. Well, my DM messed up (I know it was accidental because he later apologized for accidentally putting the dragon's stats up to high for the party's level.) and had the dragon be too strong. It was an instant near TPK. Only I survived. I ran to a cliff. I shot the dragon with spell arrows and started chugging HP potions that I saved up all adventure. My DM then informed me that he changed the HP potion rules in the game. Those shenanigans killed me. I still give him grief about that to this day.

The morals of this story:
1. Be aware that the DM can change the rules in an instant. Especially when it is most inconvenient.
2. Even a mere book can lie.
3. Poison dragons are horrible.
4. Never try to solo a dragon, instead FLY YOU FOOL!
5. Be wary of a DM's first adventures. They may not be balanced. AT ALL.

[TechNow]

I have an interesting tale from this year's D&D.

I was the forever DM, and I decided that to run a quick campaign, level 8 and pretty much as semi-famous adventurers.
From there, it only got worse (and better somehow...)
One of my players asked if he could play as a Swordsage Werewolf, and I'm quoting him here.
"I want to play as Corvo from Dishonored... But instead of stabbing people, I eat them!"

I somehow had no problem with this, it was decently balanced, he could both stab and sneak, but couldn't really do anything charisma wise.
Then it escalated, one of my players asked to play a doppelganger. I was slightly concerned about the high bluff and disguise skill

Finally, the last straw was a Half-Dragon Paladin of Draconic Pelor. And a 20 page backstory, which was honestly pretty good, detailing his life in the Imperial Legion,
and a short service in the Navy, and additionally becoming a Senator in the Not!Rome setting I had.

From there, the group were Auxiliary employed on the other side of the Great Trench, which was basically WW1 on renaissance 'roids, with Romans and drunk Russians.
Their mission? Take care of a vital town of supplies so the enemy Trench line would start running low on food and supplies.
So, from there the group sneaked into the town, (literally) ate the Garrison, and proceeded to lock the palisade gates, and start a dragon fire inside the town with the Paladin's help.
Did I mention they were mostly "Lawful Good" (except Not!Corvo)?

So, afterwards I rated them a 5/5, because no citizen or guard left alive, and supplies would be unable to restock there, and be forced to head back.
Then, I tasked them with going to a saint's burial site to prevent an enemy necromancer an undead saint.
On the way there, they conquered a gnoll tribe, burned down three towns, forced another town into slaves for the Not!Roman Empire, and in the final pilgrimage town, had a feast of the townsfolk with said gnoll tribe as a sign of friendship.
Finally, when they got to the necromancer, they ambushed him and took him alive. Only for the doppelganger to become BFFs with on a natural 20 diplomacy.

So, when they got back to the General, he gave them a raise and a promotion, and additionally tasked them to assist the army in taking the capital.
So, you want to know their answer to high walls and archers?
"I cast Enlarge Person on the Paladin."
"I use Firebreath on the walls."
Because I was a nice DM, and I have a tendency to make stuff up on the fly, I asked him to roll for fire expansion.
He rolled a natural twenty, and now the walls were literally melting, along with around half of the cities garrison.
Paladin proceeded to go into Kaiju-mode, and rushed into the city in a display of gluttony and wrath, as he ate and brutally murdered a bunch of citizens, while the werewolf and doppelganger assisted.

The only reason I let the Paladin remain Lawful Good, was because he worshiped the Dragon-Emperor, and I decided that because of this, and the fact they are after all, Roman, that it was "in character."
I'm not done with the campaign yet, as tomorrow I get to continue it!
*horror intensifies*

[Madmagz]

So a friend of mine threw together a StarWars RPG (yes I know there are already some out there; however he didn't like the lack of customization available). It's a darkside campaign with three players: a Togruta smuggler, a grey Jedi (I don't recall what he was), and me a zabrak ex sith warrior.

We start the campaign by crashing on an uncharted planet. We're fleeing from the empire because, I did something very, very, very stupid. While on this planet we can't help but feel like we're being watched. We roll our perceptions and all we see are the natural flora surrounding us: trees ranging from 7- 20 ft tall and lots of exotic bushes and shrubs.

While we're looking for a place to camp, we decide to split up (never going to happen again), each going our separate ways. The smuggler and Jedi role what can only be described as godly and find components from other downed ships to repair our coms and hopefully our ship. I on the other hand earned the nickname "Queen of 1s". While searching for edibles, I rolled a one and fell down the side of a cliff. As I'm falling, I roll to see if I can use the force to strengthen my upper body to grab a branch. I rolled a one and now have debris falling with me. I decide to use my lightsaber to stop my fall as well. I rolled a 1. My lightsaber gets flung off into the distance. I hit the ground and roll a 1 for damage reduction.

By shear luck, I'm not dead, almost, but not dead. I try to patch myself up, roll a 1 (at this point I switch dice). The GM feels bad for me and allows the medkit to work. I start looking for my lightsaber. The goodnews with that is if you take a certain amount of time you can typically find something. My saber was cradled in the branch of a dead fern. I was tired and didn't want to reach it. I have new dice ready to roll so I roll.... And I roll a 1...

My lightsaber rockets into the branch of a nearby tree. Realizing that rolling was not my forte that evening I said I would just walk up and grab it. At this point my GM asked "are you sure". I said of course.

I was told to roll my initiative. I rolled a 1. The tree moved and hit me with the hilt of my lightsaber. The hit was a crit. Luckily the rest of the party came to my rescue (much to my humiliation).

[Eisirt]

After rescuing the LG cleric by cooperating with an evil overlord for a while.

LG Cleric: "Why did you join up with him... you know he is evil!"
CN Scout: "We wanted to be on the winning side for once."

[GuesssWho]

Snip

This **** is what I live for

[GuesssWho]

So last night we had a game set in a place called the Hives. It was named for the line from Star Wars.

We saw an entire marketplace get stolen, people pickpocketing each other while in line for the gallows and town guards pickpocketing the pickpockets. It was utter madness.

[Cwest1230]

So, here we are, playing Curse of Strahnd, 5e, D&D. Me and my party:

I believe that I was Lv 2 around this point, and the party was mainly Lv 2-3.

The Rogue (Worst. Guy. EVER. Constantly pisses me off, somehow, in hilarious ways xD)

The Cleric (The kind of unofficial leader. Managed to screw us over in this story xD)

The Warlock (A friend of mine. Rather new at this point, acts like a Chaotic Stupid Evil person out of lack of experience on occasion.)

The Barbarian (Not much to say; he didn't stick around long enough for me to really get to know his quirks. He started DMing at the store that we play at like, right after this session.

Broomstick (Another barbarian. We call him Broomstick because last session, in a horrible death house I might talk about later, an Enchanted Broomstick beat him over the head until I MAGIC MISSILED it to death.

And last, but not least, ME! The squishy Gnome Wizard who wanted to be a Illusionist!

------------------------------

So, we had just escaped a house that was filled with monsters, enchanted suits of armor, spirits, and everything else that lurks in the dark. We were resting up in this in that we had found.

Right before going to sleep there, I bought a few jugs of wine, and we went into a shop and browsed around. I talked to the Shopkeeper, and he made a few very thinly veiled threats to me, because I was kind of being obnoxious.

I did what any sane Chaotic Good character would do in this situation:

I threw a jug of wine in his face.

So, the Shopkeeper, dripping in wine and looking pissed off, (who sold everything at, like, 50 times its normal price) called into the back of his shop, "Perrywinkle! Can you come out and escort a guest out of here?"

Of course, we all knew what was about to happen- especially when this hulking, muscle bound guy in a leather tunic came out of the back. The DM said that he glared at me, and he proceeded to do so until I left.

So, after that, we all went into the inn; some creepy stuff happened at night, but since no one got into a fight, and nothing that exicting happened, I won't describe it. When morning came, we all woke up, ate breakfast, and got ready for more adventure!

After walking around town for a bit, and investigating a crying noise (it turned out to be some weeping woman; not worth mentioning at the moment) we eventually came to a church. We all went inside, and found this ranting and raving priest.

So, our Cleric goes up to him, and asks him what's wrong. The priest makes NO sense at all, and talks about a demon in his basement, and his son being possessed by something evil. Naturally, everyone but me assumes that this guy is a crazy bastard.

So, we look around. The Cleric steals some holy symbols (ironic, no?) and we eventually come to a large room. A barricade is set up on top of a large trapdoor, to what we assume is the basement.

With traditional adventurer stupidity, we move the barricade and open up the thing. We ignore the signs of a struggle, because even if there IS a monster in the basement, it could also be the sane son of a crazy priest who locked hmi up.

We walk down the staircase, and we are greeted by a young man in rags on his knees.

"Get away!" He rasps. "I don't... I don't know how much longer I can control it!" (Or something along those lines.)

Naturally, our Cleric walks up to him and asks if he's alright.

Now, this is the point where I should have just UP and LEFT. I didn't, because I wanted to be included, but I SHOULD have.

At this point, the guy loses control, and I (metagaming, kind of) realize that he's a Vampire Spawn. He attacks the Cleric, grappling him, and biting into him, draining his Hit Point Maximum.

We try to knock him off; I blast him with firebolts, our Warlock Eldritch Blasts him, and our barbarians charge him. We knock the Vamp off of our Cleric, and then it's his turn.

At this point, our Cleric admits his mistake. He should have Holy Symbol and Channel Divinity'd it's ass to hell and back, but he didn't.

And so the Vamp jumped on him, and boom, pow, presto, he's down. The barbarian and Broomstick charge him, but he takes Broomstick down to the cold, hard ground. The stupid freaking rogue, at this point, has retreated, and is firing arrows at the thing. I'm magic missiling his ass, and the Warlock is blasting him.

And then we realize that... well, vamp spawn have regen. He regains all his health, and knocks our remaining Barbarian down to half health. At this point, Broomstick and our Cleric are out cold, making death saves. The rogue dashes in while the Vamp is preoccupied with the Barbarian, and slowly, SLOWLY drags the Cleric up the stairs.

The Barbarian proceeds to do the most douche (and now that I look back on it, hilarious) thing possible: he turns tail and runs. Me and the Warlock keep on blasting the Vamp, me now using Chill Touch so it won't regen.

And then, the freaking Rogue and Barbarian do the most HORRIBLE thing ever- they start freaking BARRICADING THE HATCH AGAIN.

I almost have a heart attack, but I can't give up. I misty step (which is basically a short range teleport) over to Broomstick, and start to drag him over to the exit. The Warlock is trying to fend off the Vamp spawn, who is now utterly murdering him.

I make it ALMOST to the exit when the Vamp spawn knocks the Warlock out. He sets his red eyes on me, and I nearly die of fright as he charges over at me.

He grabs onto me, but I manage to break free. I keep on pulling Broomstick, but after a few feet, the Vamp grabs me AGAIN. I manage to break free again, and dodge most of his attacks. (Shield spell for the WIN!)

Eventually, I make it right up to the barricade, and I realize that I can't take Broomstick any further. Crying, I Misty Step through a little gap in the barricade, leaving Broomstick and the Warlock to their fates as I hightail it down the hallway.

The Vamp Spawn smashes the barricades after a few rounds, and it starts coming after me like a rocket, but then- then!- I'm out, out, OUT in the GLORIOUS sunlight!

And Broomstick and the Warlock were turned into Vampire Spawn.

Sadly. (I still call Broomstick, well, Broomstick though.)

Fun fact, that I might talk about later, but we actually fought them both later. We killed the Warlock, actually xD

Anyhow, I was FURIOUS at the time, but it was actually pretty funny looking back- especially that the DM had warned us multiple times that going in that basement was a horrible idea, but we hadn't listened. (We had listened to the Cleric! xD)

And especially when we had to come BACK to the church for the priest...

[UnwiseAlistair]

So I'm going to tell the story of Alistair.(yes my account is named after him. The Unwise bit will make sense soon.) He was the first character I ever played in D&D. My DM taught me how to make a character in 4e (I know a lot of you flinched and hissed there, sorry. I know lots of people hate 4e.) with a lot of homebrew for guns and I used point buy to assign my stats. I put all those points in intelligence and made a wizard. I had a 20 int. and no other positive traits except a high perception stat that I got because of feats and training. This is where the story begins. We are a group of adventures hired by a bandit camp to kill a necromancer that had been making undead from their men. (Good/neutral party. We ended up lower on the alignment scale very quickly.) Our warlock, Websby, decided to try to buy a polearm of some kind, and when he coudn't afford one, murdered a guard to steal his halberd. Our barbarian Cronis bought a greataxe 30% off by giving the blacksmith a blowjob, then rolled a nat 20 to intimidate our only actual good member, the 10 year old medic Scott. Right off the bat we were already seeing potential alignment shifts. So we leave and fight some bandits who apparently weren't in the loop on the fact we were working for them, and Alistair got to shine. I rolled last in initiative. This was my first game and I wanted to start big. So I turn to the woods and scream in draconic. I rolled percentage and actually got a baby green dragon's attention. It flew by and gassed the bandit gunmen, and the table went insane. We eventually reach the necromancer and he begins his "adventurers? In my lair?" lines, but never finishes. Our barbarian INTERUPTS THE DM and says 'I shotgun this &$@%#.' The 2 rangers also shoot him and the barbarian acts first after the surprise round and decapitates the boss. Alistair notices a tome he dropped and takes it secretly Hoping to learn necromancy. We deliver the head to the bandits to get paid. And thus begins the downfall of Alistair the Unwise. For someone with 20 intelligence, Alistair was an idiot. He was offended by something that the bandit leader said about him and decided to punch him in the face with Mage hand. (But UnwiseAlistair, you can't attack with Mage hand!) I know that now, but we didn't when we were playing this campaign. We got into a fight, Cronis the barbarian killed half the camp and Websby the warlock lit the rest on fire, Felix the Druid grew some trees for cover, our Rangers and I fired from the wall. And we took all their gear and money back to town. Alistair, in his never ending lack of a positive wis modifier, asks the TOWN LIBRARIAN FOR BOOKS ON NECROMANCY. I got arrested, and we never really played that campaign again. Our DM has since dubbed that horrible first campaign "dungeons and dip$#&%@"
Alistair was my first and worst character ever, and I plan on telling more of the story's specifics in the future. Thank you for reading my first ever D&D story. Don't be like Alistair. Or Websby. Or Cronis. Or Felix. We were a terrible party.

[GuesssWho]

Oh sweet lord, that is hilarious.

[SirBellias]

Thank you for reading my first ever D&D story. Don't be like Alistair. Or Websby. Or Cronis. Or Felix. We were a terrible party.

Is it a problem if half of my casual party acts like your group still? Because they do, in a very big way.

[kingtiger13123]

All of the following stories originate from 3.5

Spoiler: The Monk Who Made Everything Explode

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So, we were playing in a desert-themed campaign. And one of my friends decides to be a dwarf monk. Not a terribly optimized choice, but it was early on in our experience, so we had no clue. Except, our DM either forgot to read the rules for Flurry of Blows or used his own interpretation, and the monk could now move and flurry (i always use this house rule now). And then the fun started. With an amulet of mighty fists, his epic CON score, and just plain creativeness, he quickly became the most awesome character in our party. Everything he punched exploded in one hit if both his flurries hit. Skeletons were turned to dust by his hands. So was the troll that massacred our Sorceror right before. Even Air Elementals exploded from his fists. In some of my campaigns, I had him become the God of physical fitness who was feared for his ability to punch evil square in the face, all while having an incomprehensible Asian name.

Spoiler: Or Why You Plan For Sidequests

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So, we were in yet another Desert campaign, somehow. Our party starts off to check on a dead guys tomb, but, being characters in an RPG, want to Sidequest for XP. The DM, despite having run our group through many sessions, did not seem to know this, and always planned too far in advance. When we tried to Sidequest this time, he just rolled for something in the DMG. Long story short, our party beat up a halfling shopkeeper who was distributing mind control earrings to the women of the town, and getting them to bring their valuables to him. In order to make sure he couldn't use the earrings again, we confiscated all six treasure chests full of them, bought a camel, and threw a couple away into the desert as we walked along. Then, a Purple Wurm ate our camel. And all six boxes of earrings. Our human rogue, thinking quickly, put the master earring on, and was now in full control of a purple Wurm. Which made our combat encounters hilariously simple. When 20 bandit horseman descended upon us, we just had the Wurm, nicknamed Willy, make his presence known, and they fled. When we met the BBEG, some sort of metal-Ultron clone, who was going to go resurrect his armies, we defeated him by simply making Willy dig a large pit right underneath where he was going to walk. And then he fell in. And got buried in sand. Forever. DM was not pleased with us.

[FlurryOfPosts]

In my most recent Pathfinder session, the group was tasked with shrinking down to insect size and going inside a treant to clear out the creatures living inside it. After going through several groups of termites and spiders, we make it to the final enemy... The Fearsome Woodchuck!!!
Several rounds of Magic Missiles and arrows did nothing to the beast. I had already used all my spells for healing, and we were cornered by this relatively dragon-sized woodchuck. I ask the DM, "What can I sacrifice to get one 1st level spell back?" The DM seemed very surprised, and curious to see what was about to happen. He decided a hand would do the trick. So I chop off my hand and shout "Summon Nature's Ally I! Viper!!!!"
The DM instantly realized his mistake, and the viper, which was summoned at normal size, brutally murdered the woodchuck. The DM then revealed he was using ancient dragon stats for the woodchuck. We got mad XP.

[kingtiger13123]

One more I just remembered:

You know how one of the DMGs had the section about the names of PCs and that Bob the Fighter would stand out next to Arthos the Warlock? We had the opposite problem in one of my games.

In our party, there was:
Ana, the female human fighter
Tyler, the male human cleric
Kyzer, the male half-orc barbarian
and then there was me...
I was a female gnome druid called *breathes in*
Shimmer-Glimmer, the Hedge Trimmer, Light Dimmer, Got-Slimmer, Creek Swimmer, Top Spinner, Gold Winner, Stag Skinner, and Eater-of-Many-Chicken-Dinners.
*breathes out*
Yes, there was a backstory anecdote behind every one of those names. I also said that most people called her "Shimmer-Glimmer Nevermind"

[Inevitability]

One more I just remembered:

You know how one of the DMGs had the section about the names of PCs and that Bob the Fighter would stand out next to Arthos the Warlock? We had the opposite problem in one of my games.

In our party, there was:
Ana, the female human fighter
Tyler, the male human cleric
Kyzer, the male half-orc barbarian
and then there was me...
I was a female gnome druid called *breathes in*
Shimmer-Glimmer, the Hedge Trimmer, Light Dimmer, Got-Slimmer, Creek Swimmer, Top Spinner, Gold Winner, Stag Skinner, and Eater-of-Many-Chicken-Dinners.
*breathes out*
Yes, there was a backstory anecdote behind every one of those names. I also said that most people called her "Shimmer-Glimmer Nevermind"

I've had this problem too. Once had a party with Inton the monk, Jin the rogue, Rhogar the paladin and Spectrum Nipplehammers the barbarian.

[KnotKnormal]

One more I just remembered:

You know how one of the DMGs had the section about the names of PCs and that Bob the Fighter would stand out next to Arthos the Warlock? We had the opposite problem in one of my games.

In our party, there was:
Ana, the female human fighter
Tyler, the male human cleric
Kyzer, the male half-orc barbarian
and then there was me...
I was a female gnome druid called *breathes in*
Shimmer-Glimmer, the Hedge Trimmer, Light Dimmer, Got-Slimmer, Creek Swimmer, Top Spinner, Gold Winner, Stag Skinner, and Eater-of-Many-Chicken-Dinners.
*breathes out*
Yes, there was a backstory anecdote behind every one of those names. I also said that most people called her "Shimmer-Glimmer Nevermind"

One of my friends always names his character something amazing like Chuck the Stuff Thrower, and Buck Fantastic.

[ComaVision]

Names of some characters I've played with:

Kent Fistoad, the anthropomorphic toad wizard
Pung Yao, the Asian master chef monk
Richie Ape, the anthropomorphic ape spiked-armor grappler
Ivan Cracknhoot, I think this was a bard
Hungloh Thunkadunk Dwarfbane, the goliath crusader
Hot Daniel, the wild mage with a rod of wonder
Cap'n Bligh, a mobility built pirate with nearly no offensive power
The Seksecutioner, a grapple-built Cleric of Hextor

I'm sure there are several more I'm forgetting at the moment. Just to be clear, none of these were my characters.

[goto124]

Hot Daniel, the wild mage with a rod of wonder

Ehehehehehehehehe...

[GuesssWho]

To be fair, I'm pretty sure the gnome homeland is Mt. Nevermind. So yeah.

[Belac93]

To be fair, I'm pretty sure the gnome homeland is Mt. Nevermind. So yeah.

Tinker gnomes from Dragonlance. The explorer who discovered their mountain asked it's fifty-word name, and partway through said, 'nevermind!'

[kingtiger13123]

Forgot to mention, but Kyzer the Half-Orc was Shimmer-Glimmer's adopted brother. We joked that Kyzer once had a gnome gname, but within his first week of living in the gnome village, his name had grown so massive, he couldn't remember any of it.
The funny thing was, I sometimes forgot the exact order of my many names, but Kyzer's player had remembered every name and the exact order in which they were written.

[GuesssWho]

Tinker gnomes from Dragonlance. The explorer who discovered their mountain asked it's fifty-word name, and partway through said, 'nevermind!'

I think it was a lot more names than that. Tinker gnome names are like Ent names, they tell a whole history. I bet the name of Mt. Nevermind was an entire textbook, fifty words in was just where the guy said 'never mind'.

[ReaderAt2046]

Not sure if this is funny, exactly, but it's certainly weird.

So we're playing a homebrew game in a setting that our DM invented. My character is the party tank, and for backstory reasons he hated werewolves. As in really hated them. As in the first time we encountered a werewolf I literally tore her limb from limb, smashed in her skull, and burned the corpse (though that was partially since I wasn't sure whether werewolves had regeneration in this setting).

About halfway through one of our players had to drop out, and the replacement decided it would be fun to play a werewolf. Now, she was good about keeping her true nature hidden, and I was indulging in a bit of denial (IC because my Queen, who I trusted implicitly, had vouched for her, OOC because I didn't want to start another inter-party fight), so we were good up until the final battle.

We were fighting the final form of the recurring villain we had been encountering all through the campaign, and it was down to the wire. He had almost reached the McGuffin Of Ultimate Power, and if he touched that, he'd win and we all died. So the werewolf player shifted into her beast form and tackled him. It's my turn. If I attack the arch-villain I will kill him, since he's low on health. If I don't, he will touch the McGuffin and end the world. But my character really hates werewolves, and a person I liked had just proven to be one.

I decided, after about a minute OOC, to roll this system's equivalent of a Will Save. I make it, I can overcome my feelings of betrayal and stab the villain. I don't make it, I stab the werewolf and it's game over.

Spoiler: undefined

Show

I made the save.

[LadyFoxfire]

The tale of Rylven, the cowardly wolf.

My 15th level bard died, and it was going to be a few sessions before the party would be able to resurrect her (we were in the abyss, and the cleric didn't have enough diamond dust with him), so the DM asked me to roll up a temporary character to play in the meantime. Back when I started my bard at level 1, I had written a backstory for her that included her having a brother who was a ranger with a pet wolf named Rylven, so I decided to flesh him out and play him until my bard was back in action.

So I crack open the player's handbook, and decide to leaf through the section on prestige classes, to see if there were any I thought might fit him. Arcane Archer looked like a lot of fun, and all of the prerequisites were stuff that rangers got in the first few levels, so i made him a 6 ranger/1 sorcerer/8 arcane archer. Everything was turning out well, until I went to figure out the stats for Rylven. Only the ranger levels count for calculating animal companion stats, so the poor wolf only had 3 hit dice. In a 15th level party. This was not going to end well.

I thought about dropping the animal companion for the other ranger template (which just gives a bonus to rolls), but Rylven was such an important part of my ranger's backstory that it didn't feel right. So I kept him in, and just figured I'd do my best to keep him out of combat. He'd mostly just be there for roleplaying purposes.

So the ranger joins the party (got teleported into the abyss by our patron deity), and all goes well. At one point we're fighting an evil adventuring party, and their wizard gets dropped to 1 hit point. Everyone in our party has already taken their action for the round, except for one: Rylven. He had been hiding behind his master the entire fight, but he saw a chance to finally earn his keep. The wizard was near death; all he had to do was land a single hit. He rushed in for the kill... and missed. Turns out even a wizard's AC was more than a 3 hd wolf could handle. The wizard healed himself up with a wand at the beginning of the next round, and Rylven never did get to do anything useful before the party escaped the abyss and resurrected the bard.

[ebony]

I've had this problem too. Once had a party with Inton the monk, Jin the rogue, Rhogar the paladin and Spectrum Nipplehammers the barbarian.

I have a tendency to do the reverse. In a party of PCs with exotic, multi-syllabic fantasy names, I'll be the one playing the Halfling that introduced himself with: "Howdy! Call me Zeke!"

[goto124]

I too tend to go with names short enough to type out with ease, but weird enough to stand out and be unique. Hmmm... Uaye! Yep, that'll do.

Sometimes I try for somewhat relevant names. For example, I have an NPC who got polymorphed into a little blue penguin, and the PCs just helped reverse the spell on her. Her name is Corora, based off kororā, the Māori word for penguin that typically refers to the little blue penguin.

[Inevitability]

I too tend to go with names short enough to type out with ease, but weird enough to stand out and be unique. Hmmm... Uaye! Yep, that'll do.

Did that character have their parents murdered by consonants or something?