[Nexus] The Wall III: Wall Harder

[ThirdEmperor]

You know what's dumb?
People writing here to call everyone else dumb.
If you don't like it GET OUT.
Sheesh.
It's not rocket science.
Just basic human manners.

Try Trog's.
There, answered your question.
Leave now, please.

[Darkcomet]

Uh. I don't see where I called anyone stupid, it's basic message board common sense. Don't believe crazy claims unless they prove it.

Then again, I get the feeling nobody's gotten that one here for obvious reasons.

I could've said I was some lost princess and no one would've questioned it! Except no one would know of or give a crap about whatever country I claimed to be from.

[Lord Magtok]

Hi! Just wanted to let you know; now that you've gone and said that, everyone's going to assume you're secretly a runaway princess trying to escape a violent usurping, forced marriage, the stuffy rules and decorum of court life, or some combination of the three. Have fun with that.

That said, there's a few places I could recommend. If you're an old-fashioned sort, more familiar with a world of swords and sorcery, Trog's Tavern might be best for you. The drinks are as hard as the patrons, and smell more or less the same. The people there are just as likely to have bathed this year as you, solve their problems with grunting and violence like you, and think light bulbs are a thing that grows in a sun god's vegetable farm, just like you.

Alternatively, you have the option of Mallside, if you're sufficiently advanced enough to know what phones, electricity, and personal hygiene are. Not quite as social as Trog's, given all the empty space and busy people going about their lives, but you might be able to find a mall kop or some kindhearted Samaritan willing to show you the ropes. Your money, believe it or not, is still good here. The currency exchange system is secretly managed by a team of the finest financial wizards or something. Gods only know how they keep it altogether.

[Dark Elf Bard]

If life gives you lemons, make orange juice.

[Darkcomet]

Not a princess, all those are dead. Where I'm from, anyway.

Anyway, sliiight problem with that. Namely, the money thing.

I'm kind of lacking there?

And what do lemons and orange juice have to do with anything!?

[Lord Magtok]

Well that's pretty bad. I guess I was lucky then, making the jump with a loyal bot and all my stuff way back like six years ago.

There's the organizations, I suppose. They'll house just about anybody, provided they aren't a complete disaster and liability. The Neutrals are up where it's really cold, so I wouldn't go there. AMEN's for the self-admittedly unrighteous folk, Remnant tries to police the city of Inside, Watch does basically the same thing as the Neutral mercs, with less qualms about murdering folk, and GLoG is a refugee camp.

I'd tell you about HALO, but they'll probably send their one and only competent guy down to kidnap and do terrible things to me.

[Dark Elf Bard]

It's a saying!

Meaning...

I am the lemons and you can make orange juice...

By letting me travel with you 'cause I'm new too!

[Morty]

I'd tell you about HALO, but they'll probably send their one and only competent guy down to kidnap and do terrible things to me.

Oh please, Magtok. As if anyone cared that much - or at all - about your rambling.

[Earl of Purple]

!gnilbmar tuoba erac I
.s'kotgoM yllaicepsE

.druc nomel yllaicepse ,ytsat era snomel dnA

[Aric Kale]

Looking for someone with Raise Dead ability to resurrect a...friend...anyway, you should find him in Trog's Tavern, decapitated, unless he's been cleaned up by now. Payment will be received after the deed is done.

[Darkcomet]

No thanks, purple chalk with travel offers, you're probably actually trying to murder me in a back alley or something.

...Wait, someone got murdered in that place? Are you people trying to get me killed?

[Deathkeeper]

Well, it wouldn't be much of a tavern if there wasn't a tavern brawl every once and a while, would it?

[Lord Magtok]

I told you they solve problems with violence, your highness.

[Darkcomet]

Well sorry if my first thought was 'barfight' instead of 'decapitations', gray chalk apparently called Magtok. Also stop it with the 'your highness' thing, I've been over this.

And I think I'm just going to back away and take my chances somewhere now.

[Lost_Deep]

I would often recommend a park, but right now at least one park is not a good idea. Perhaps you should go shopping? The people in the stores tend to be nice, and the no-fighting rule in Mallside is strictly enforced.

[Earl of Purple]

If you'd kindly supply two diamonds, I could potentially raise the person in question. They have to be very high quality diamonds, however; the ritual won't work with one of poor quality.

[Darkcomet]

What part of lacking money do you not understand, dark green chalk.

[Lost_Deep]

Sorry, I try to avoid the majority of the wall posts because of reasons that you pointed out already.

[Slii Arhem]

Oh hey I remember that guy, Mr. Horriburny Arsonface right? I'll raise him if he promises not to ever go after his murderer, no diamonds required and no questions asked.

Why? Because duckies, I'm just that nice. Princess darling, there's always other bars, and if you want to get a drink there's usually a dashing stranger of your preferred gender willing to provide, or someone who's face you can punch for spare change.

[Darkcomet]

Wait, you mean I'm NOT the only one who's been using basic message board common sense here? Also, while you're here, are they serious about this whole 'raising the dead' thing?

...also also how do I stop them from running my princess joke into the ground.

[Slii Arhem]

I make a mockery of life and death on a regular basis Prinnypants, you'll just have to learn to live with it.

Or die with it I suppose.

[Earl of Purple]

I am serious. And I tell you- never trust an offer for free. Something powerful enough to bring a corpse into more than merely a semblance of life will ALWAYS want something in return.

[Lost_Deep]

Yes, they are perfectly serious about raising the dead. It happens around here a lot.

As for the princess joke? The same way any other joke on a message board disappears: You wait it out.

Like any message board, some jokes outlive the related users for years.

Good luck.

[Slii Arhem]

I am serious. And I tell you- never trust an offer for free. Something powerful enough to bring a corpse into more than merely a semblance of life will ALWAYS want something in return.

Didn't you hear me? I want a binding oath that he won't bother Wendy anymore, that's something. Just because I have no use for hunks of carbon crystal doesn't mean I don't have needs mister preacher.

[Morty]

Hey, hey, hey. I don't need anyone to make deals on my behalf and I certainly don't need anyone's protection from that guy.

[Earl of Purple]

That still seems like very little for such a being. Unless you've empowered this 'Wendy' with divine abilities or she's secretly your daughter or something.

[Slii Arhem]

Of course you don't, he's dead, but wouldn't his anguish be absolutely delectable when he realized he couldn't even get revenge on the man that so effortlessly cut him down?

It gives me tingles just thinking about it.

[Darkcomet]

So wait, what happened with this guy, anyway? For all I know he started it, and this whole no-questions-asked-resurrection thing kinda rubs me the wrong way like that. I mean, for all you know he could be some supercriminal or something.

[Slii Arhem]

Don't be a silly courtesan, it's unbefitting of your station. He was a supercriminal's henchman, those are brought back to life all the time. It's actually part of the contract if you're working for AMEN!

[Earl of Purple]

If he's a supercriminal, his crimes will be outweighed by what I'll use the other diamond for- the ressurection of Saint Narahar the Twice Martyred, who bravely fell defending the city of Thessaloniki from invaders. The defence failed, and somebody's since looted Saint Narahar's tomb and taken several priceless relics, but I hope to recover them soon.