LGBTAitP 26: No Time For Snappy Titles

[KenderWizard]

I think shipping is kinda a one-way thing. It doesn't actually reflect anything on the shippee. On the other hand, shipping within a group of friends is always a little bit weird!

I know, but even when I thought I was a part of the binary, I was having lots of trouble finding anyone, even for just a one-time coffee date (I think a grand total of two in the entire six years since college started). And now that my dating pool has shrunk so considerably, compounded with the fact that I have no idea how to go about finding people outside the binary, I'm quite lost.

Oh, that's rough. This stuff seems so arbitrary. Some people just get bundles of romantic or flirtatious attention and other people just don't, often with no apparent correlation to attractiveness or suitability as a potential partner.

Anyway, have you tried seeking out LGBT+ spaces? Could you find an LGBT+ friendly pub, or a club? Could you find a charity for LGBT+ youth that takes volunteers so you could meet the other volunteers and also help some kids out?

Objections noted, I shall behave.

That's actually a good point - has Marvel or DC ever done a trans superhero at all? Brings back fond memories of the time when we tried that ourselves with Queerkitty, Kenderwoman (and her mighty hammer) and I think Birchgrove did one as well.

That was good times! My facebook avatar is still KenderWoman!

[Absol197]

Oh, that's rough. This stuff seems so arbitrary. Some people just get bundles of romantic or flirtatious attention and other people just don't, often with no apparent correlation to attractiveness or suitability as a potential partner.

Anyway, have you tried seeking out LGBT+ spaces? Could you find an LGBT+ friendly pub, or a club? Could you find a charity for LGBT+ youth that takes volunteers so you could meet the other volunteers and also help some kids out?

That actually highlights one of the big problems I know I have in this regard;

Spoiler

Show

I don't drink, am rather shy, and feel very confined in big, noisy crowds. As such, I don't really like going to bars or clubs, because the atmosphere is very abrasive to me, and I'm not going to be ordering anything to drink. Which, as a former restaurant worker, I know tends to tick off bartenders. And they don't really seem to be the kind of place to meet the kind of person I'm interested in meeting, either.

I'm also rather afraid of people already being in relationships, and as such coming off as a jerk. I had a friend that I met with casually for about a year. We talked a lot, and she never mentioned anything to do with having a boyfriend. So, when I finally worked up the courage to ask her out (the first girl I'd asked out since my first love had broken things off with me), and she told me she was already seeing someone, I was heartbroken, and I'm very afraid of that happening again. People don't typically wear signs saying, "I'm single!" Or, "I'm in a committed relationship!" on their sleeves, unfortunately. And now I have to look for another hidden trait, too...

Seeking out some other LGBT+ spaces might be a good idea, though. I'll try that and see. Thanks for the advice!

EDIT:

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Of course, a lot of those problems could have had to do with the fact that I was unknowingly trying to be something I'm not. A trend that I noticed back in the day was, when I was reading articles online or in the rare magaizine I picked up about what guys should do to be garner more attention from women, I always found myself thinking, "You know, none of that seems like me at all...but I would love to have someone who acted like that!"

Oh, the signs, why didn't I notice you sooner?

[noparlpf]

I think shipping is kinda a one-way thing. It doesn't actually reflect anything on the shippee. On the other hand, shipping within a group of friends is always a little bit weird!

Like that time I told two friends they should get married so one's name would translate to "White White". She's asexual though. They were pretty weirded out by my random train of thought.

Oh, that's rough. This stuff seems so arbitrary. Some people just get bundles of romantic or flirtatious attention and other people just don't, often with no apparent correlation to attractiveness or suitability as a potential partner.

Tell me about it.

That actually highlights one of the big problems I know I have in this regard;

Spoiler

Show

I don't drink, am rather shy, and feel very confined in big, noisy crowds. As such, I don't really like going to bars or clubs, because the atmosphere is very abrasive to me, and I'm not going to be ordering anything to drink. Which, as a former restaurant worker, I know tends to tick off bartenders. And they don't really seem to be the kind of place to meet the kind of person I'm interested in meeting, either.

I'm also rather afraid of people already being in relationships, and as such coming off as a jerk. I had a friend that I met with casually for about a year. We talked a lot, and she never mentioned anything to do with having a boyfriend. So, when I finally worked up the courage to ask her out (the first girl I'd asked out since my first love had broken things off with me), and she told me she was already seeing someone, I was heartbroken, and I'm very afraid of that happening again. People don't typically wear signs saying, "I'm single!" Or, "I'm in a committed relationship!" on their sleeves, unfortunately. And now I have to look for another hidden trait, too...

Seeking out some other LGBT+ spaces might be a good idea, though. I'll try that and see. Thanks for the advice!

EDIT:

Spoiler

Show

Of course, a lot of those problems could have had to do with the fact that I was unknowingly trying to be something I'm not. A trend that I noticed back in the day was, when I was reading articles online or in the rare magaizine I picked up about what guys should do to be garner more attention from women, I always found myself thinking, "You know, none of that seems like me at all...but I would love to have someone who acted like that!"

Oh, the signs, why didn't I notice you sooner?

What I usually do in bars is order Sprite. It's the classic "not-drinking" drink. Also I'm underage in the US. (Which is crazy...a sixteen-year-old friend is at Glasgow for a semester and he can drink, but I can't?)
And if you're at a bar already, most people who might flirt with you are probably single but are also probably not looking for relationships.
Having no experience whatsoever, might I suggest trying an online dating site? Some people on the forum recommend that.
Although it may feel creepy, try facebook-stalking people. Or just regular-stalking, but facebook is a good starting point. The information you can find online these days...Anyway, that's one way to check if people are in existing relationships. Or just casually ask them at some point.
Also, just to meet people, try finding clubs or groups. Not just school clubs, but as an adult too. Check out the bulletin board at your local library, for example.
And if you have social anxiety issues, which you might if you're so uncomfortable in places like bars, try seeing a therapist. I've been reading up on anxiety recently, and my verdict is that the self-help books are often no good without a therapist.

[Absol197]

Like that time I told two friends they should get married so one's name would translate to "White White". She's asexual though. They were pretty weirded out by my random train of thought.

Heh, I do that with names, too. I haven't actually gone so far as to tell the people they should get married, though.


A lot of good advice here, but most of it already explored, unfortunately:

Spoiler

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What I usually do in bars is order Sprite. It's the classic "not-drinking" drink. Also I'm underage in the US. (Which is crazy...a sixteen-year-old friend is at Glasgow for a semester and he can drink, but I can't?)

Yeah, that's basically what I did (except it was Coke/Pepsi) the few times the entire house went out together. I was also the designated driver, but that didn't really bother me because, hey, no drinking!

Also, I agree on the US drinking age being kinda wacky. I'd personally think 16 is a bit too young, especially for drinking at the rate which most US young adults do, but by 18 one should definitely be allowed. It might also cut down on over drinking, which would be a positive thing!

And if you're at a bar already, most people who might flirt with you are probably single but are also probably not looking for relationships.

It's that "not looking for relationships" thing that gets me. I get too invested.

Having no experience whatsoever, might I suggest trying an online dating site? Some people on the forum recommend that.

Tried several. And I'll allow myself a bit of ego here and say that I'm quite the writer, and that's all anybody can see about you on those places (except for pictures, but I don't think I'm that terrible looking), so you'd think I'd have an advantage. But I had three or four going at once, sending out 10 or more well-written, well-thought out messages a week, and the grand total of the replies I got after three months? 0. Which hurts a lot.

Although it may feel creepy, try facebook-stalking people. Or just regular-stalking, but facebook is a good starting point. The information you can find online these days...Anyway, that's one way to check if people are in existing relationships. Or just casually ask them at some point.

I don't have Facebook, and I refuse to get one, on principle. As for regular stalking, not really my kind of thing. Casually asking (or waiting for it to come up in conversation) works well, though. I've done that a few times. But the answer is always the same. Or at least it has been for me. I know that the whole, "there are no singles" thing is supposedly a myth, but I couldn't tell from what I've seen. Or maybe they're all lying to me .

Also, just to meet people, try finding clubs or groups. Not just school clubs, but as an adult too. Check out the bulletin board at your local library, for example.

Clubs are great, but the few I like to go to (such as the Shao-Lin school I attend) seem to attract only couples wanting to do things together. I'm probably just imagining it, but seriously!

And if you have social anxiety issues, which you might if you're so uncomfortable in places like bars, try seeing a therapist. I've been reading up on anxiety recently, and my verdict is that the self-help books are often no good without a therapist.

I've actually just decided on which therapist I'm going to see . I'll be sure to bring that up, because I think my anxiety is actually linked to my other issues that I'll be talking to her about.

Thanks for taking the time to help, though!

[Mina Kobold]

So most of you already know this, being friends with me on Facebook and all, but a couple weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me.

*Hugs/cookies*

That is terrible. I hope things work out for the better soon. ;_;

I really should get a Facebook, I am abysmal at keeping up with anything even when I do have access to their chats. ^_^'

I think that the asterisk in trans* comes from its use as a wildcard character in computing - i.e. * stands for any string of characters possible. So * could mean man, woman, gender, person, noneofyourbusiness, batman, aminase, hippopotamus, jsogja409a248t2a or anything at all.

*Giggles*

That's actually a good point - has Marvel or DC ever done a trans superhero at all? Brings back fond memories of the time when we tried that ourselves with Queerkitty, Kenderwoman (and her mighty hammer) and I think Birchgrove did one as well.

I do not believe so, as they have been quite poor at LGBTA representation until recently. Xavin of Runaways changed gender for love, which involved much adorableness during Joss Whedon's run, but that is more gender-fluidity and Skrull Psychology than transness.

The Heroes of GiantITP were very fun! I am a bit sad that we never really got much going from it. The DeviantArt group has been very slow lately.

But QueerKitty was fun to draw, so I am happy. ^_^

That actually highlights one of the big problems I know I have in this regard;

Spoiler

Show

I don't drink, am rather shy, and feel very confined in big, noisy crowds. As such, I don't really like going to bars or clubs, because the atmosphere is very abrasive to me, and I'm not going to be ordering anything to drink. Which, as a former restaurant worker, I know tends to tick off bartenders. And they don't really seem to be the kind of place to meet the kind of person I'm interested in meeting, either.

I'm also rather afraid of people already being in relationships, and as such coming off as a jerk. I had a friend that I met with casually for about a year. We talked a lot, and she never mentioned anything to do with having a boyfriend. So, when I finally worked up the courage to ask her out (the first girl I'd asked out since my first love had broken things off with me), and she told me she was already seeing someone, I was heartbroken, and I'm very afraid of that happening again. People don't typically wear signs saying, "I'm single!" Or, "I'm in a committed relationship!" on their sleeves, unfortunately. And now I have to look for another hidden trait, too...

Seeking out some other LGBT+ spaces might be a good idea, though. I'll try that and see. Thanks for the advice!

EDIT:

Spoiler

Show

Of course, a lot of those problems could have had to do with the fact that I was unknowingly trying to be something I'm not. A trend that I noticed back in the day was, when I was reading articles online or in the rare magaizine I picked up about what guys should do to be garner more attention from women, I always found myself thinking, "You know, none of that seems like me at all...but I would love to have someone who acted like that!"

Oh, the signs, why didn't I notice you sooner?

I only have advice that I have been given about friendships, but maybe it will be useful!

Spoiler

Show

I think the best plan might be to find somewhere to meet people that is focussed on what you enjoy doing. Meeting someone at a bar when you do not drink might be very difficult if alcohol is not in your interest, since a lot of people come there due to a love for the drinks. Certainly not impossible, but it might be easier to bond with and understand people in areas you like.

But whichever place you go, going directly to dating sounds very difficult. Could it work to instead evaluate people as potential friends and see how it goes from there? I am not sure, but it sounds easier. ^_^'

[Arachu]

*More hugs for Shiro* You can talk to me too, if you want~

*Also hugs Absol* That sucks. Hope you find someone wonderful~

Well, you're certainly pretty hot...

How much do they cost? I haven't looked it up, but I can't imagine they can be too outrageous, right?

EDIT: I just looked it up, and assuming my weak Google-fu found the correct site, $250 is definitely not an easy amount of funds to pull together.

... I thought they were closer to $50. Right, well that might not be happening until I finally move out and get a job. >.>


~Bianca

[KenderWizard]

That actually highlights one of the big problems I know I have in this regard;

Spoiler

Show

I don't drink, am rather shy, and feel very confined in big, noisy crowds. As such, I don't really like going to bars or clubs, because the atmosphere is very abrasive to me, and I'm not going to be ordering anything to drink. Which, as a former restaurant worker, I know tends to tick off bartenders. And they don't really seem to be the kind of place to meet the kind of person I'm interested in meeting, either.

I'm also rather afraid of people already being in relationships, and as such coming off as a jerk. I had a friend that I met with casually for about a year. We talked a lot, and she never mentioned anything to do with having a boyfriend. So, when I finally worked up the courage to ask her out (the first girl I'd asked out since my first love had broken things off with me), and she told me she was already seeing someone, I was heartbroken, and I'm very afraid of that happening again. People don't typically wear signs saying, "I'm single!" Or, "I'm in a committed relationship!" on their sleeves, unfortunately. And now I have to look for another hidden trait, too...

Seeking out some other LGBT+ spaces might be a good idea, though. I'll try that and see. Thanks for the advice!

EDIT:

Spoiler

Show

Of course, a lot of those problems could have had to do with the fact that I was unknowingly trying to be something I'm not. A trend that I noticed back in the day was, when I was reading articles online or in the rare magaizine I picked up about what guys should do to be garner more attention from women, I always found myself thinking, "You know, none of that seems like me at all...but I would love to have someone who acted like that!"

Oh, the signs, why didn't I notice you sooner?

All sounds pretty tricky alright! I'm also getting the impression that pub culture is very different in the States than in Ireland. In Ireland, the pub is where you go to meet people. Non-drinkers are welcomed and order high-cost fizzy drinks, low-cost squash (like diluted blackberry) or free water. Okay, if you spend the whole night taking up a table and ordering only water, you'd be in trouble, but if you're in a group that's ordering other things like pints and food, you're golden. Also, some places don't charge for the squash if you're ordering it in a round of drinks and some places offer free non-alcoholics if you say you're the designated driver. People sit around chatting, you might have dinner there (pub food tends to be pretty friggin good) and getting drunk is optional and usually reserved for later in the evening.

Also, articles tend to go for as hetero- and gender-normative as possible, all the time, it can drive you a bit mad.

When I said "clubs" I was thinking more like chess- or drama- or frisbee- than late-night dance venues. Like Keveak said, somewhere you could find people who share interests. There's no downside since being a member of a club or team or choir or society is also fun and social and might give you more self-confidence, even if there's no special someone immediately.

[noparlpf]

All sounds pretty tricky alright! I'm also getting the impression that pub culture is very different in the States than in Ireland. In Ireland, the pub is where you go to meet people. Non-drinkers are welcomed and order high-cost fizzy drinks, low-cost squash (like diluted blackberry) or free water. Okay, if you spend the whole night taking up a table and ordering only water, you'd be in trouble, but if you're in a group that's ordering other things like pints and food, you're golden. Also, some places don't charge for the squash if you're ordering it in a round of drinks and some places offer free non-alcoholics if you say you're the designated driver. People sit around chatting, you might have dinner there (pub food tends to be pretty friggin good) and getting drunk is optional and usually reserved for later in the evening.

I had lunch at a (supposedly) Irish-style pub the other day. It was very good. But I have no way of knowing what real Irish pubs are like without visiting the country.

[Asta Kask]

That's actually a good point - has Marvel or DC ever done a trans superhero at all? Brings back fond memories of the time when we tried that ourselves with Queerkitty, Kenderwoman (and her mighty hammer) and I think Birchgrove did one as well.

There's a Roman emperor who may have been transgender. Wore women's clothing, married hir charioteer and called hirself his wife.

He wasn't a very good Emperor and was assassinated when he was 18.

[Coidzor]

That's actually a good point - has Marvel or DC ever done a trans superhero at all? Brings back fond memories of the time when we tried that ourselves with Queerkitty, Kenderwoman (and her mighty hammer) and I think Birchgrove did one as well.

It'd be a bit hard for them to credibly do so, I think, considering their love for tie-ins with the rest of their universe. My recollection is that it's like 5 degrees of separation between any new trans superhero or superhero that came out as trans and some other non-hostile entity that would be capable of trivially taking all of the pathos out of the scenario.

[Lix Lorn]

I made an MtF superhero once. Her power was to grant wishes, but only other people's. (The power of the wish dictated how long she was unconscious after doing it, with minor boosts being mildly tiring and major changes being unconscious and massive things being coma.)

She got recruited by Professor X who, on realising what she was, wished for her to be a girl. When she woke up again, she was pretty easy to persuade.

[Absol197]

I only have advice that I have been given about friendships, but maybe it will be useful!

Spoiler

Show

I think the best plan might be to find somewhere to meet people that is focused on what you enjoy doing. Meeting someone at a bar when you do not drink might be very difficult if alcohol is not in your interest, since a lot of people come there due to a love for the drinks. Certainly not impossible, but it might be easier to bond with and understand people in areas you like.

But whichever place you go, going directly to dating sounds very difficult. Could it work to instead evaluate people as potential friends and see how it goes from there? I am not sure, but it sounds easier. ^_^'

Finding places of shared interest is always a good idea, but so far hasn't worked out. And I've almost always tried to be friends first, but that's always seemed to backfire on me - they begin to think of me as a friend, and then that's it. The Friend Zone, I believe it's called. It seems I purposefully put myself there. Which is nice, because one can never have too many friends, but it's also tough, because it makes finding love hard.

All sounds pretty tricky alright! I'm also getting the impression that pub culture is very different in the States than in Ireland. In Ireland, the pub is where you go to meet people. Non-drinkers are welcomed and order high-cost fizzy drinks, low-cost squash (like diluted blackberry) or free water. Okay, if you spend the whole night taking up a table and ordering only water, you'd be in trouble, but if you're in a group that's ordering other things like pints and food, you're golden. Also, some places don't charge for the squash if you're ordering it in a round of drinks and some places offer free non-alcoholics if you say you're the designated driver. People sit around chatting, you might have dinner there (pub food tends to be pretty friggin good) and getting drunk is optional and usually reserved for later in the evening.

Yeah, it seems it's pretty different. In general (rom what I can gather, having never been a, how shall I say - prominent player in that scene), bars and such here are basically where you go to drink and find dates/flings. As far as I can tell. The whole "pub" thing is definitely not the norm around here.

Also, articles tend to go for as hetero- and gender-normative as possible, all the time, it can drive you a bit mad.

Yes, but that's not quite what I was saying. What I meant was that, before I knew I was trans, I would read those articles as if I was a man, but all of the traits that women like didn't seem like something I could pull off, but seemed like things I would want in a partner.

When I said "clubs" I was thinking more like chess- or drama- or frisbee- than late-night dance venues. Like Keveak said, somewhere you could find people who share interests. There's no downside since being a member of a club or team or choir or society is also fun and social and might give you more self-confidence, even if there's no special someone immediately.

Yeah, I got that after I had already posted. The one problem at the moment is my schedule: I have to go to bed at 7:00 in order to get up in time for work, which means I can't stay out much past six on work nights. That doesn't give me a whole lot of options for clubs, 'cause most people are just getting out of work by the time I need to be thinking of heading home.

There's a Roman emperor who may have been transgender. Wore women's clothing, married hir charioteer and called hirself his wife.

He wasn't a very good Emperor and was assassinated when he was 18.

I read the article, and now I feel sad for hir. Of course, he* got to be Emperor for a few years, so it probably wasn't all that bad.

When using "hir," wither for gender-neutral or because you don't know the proper gender, what would be the "subject" form (forget the proper grammatical term for that)? "He"/"She" doesn't work.

I made an MtF superhero once. Her power was to grant wishes, but only other people's. (The power of the wish dictated how long she was unconscious after doing it, with minor boosts being mildly tiring and major changes being unconscious and massive things being coma.)

She got recruited by Professor X who, on realising what she was, wished for her to be a girl. When she woke up again, she was pretty easy to persuade.

I would be this superhero .

This reminds me of a character in one of Piers Anthony's Xanth books. Her personal magical ability was, for lack of a better term, the power of Suggestion. A bit different than you might expect: anyone who doesn't know of her power (including herself) who makes a suggestion of something that she hears has that suggestion come true. So if you said, "Hopefully we'll be able to defeat Baron von Evil soon," you would soon be able to defeat Baron von Evil.

It seems like a fun power .

[Kindablue]

Yeah, it seems it's pretty different. In general (rom what I can gather, having never been a, how shall I say - prominent player in that scene), bars and such here are basically where you go to drink and find dates/flings. As far as I can tell. The whole "pub" thing is definitely not the norm around here.

I would think bars a rare sight in a place with enough free whiskey that you can go canoeing in it.

[Lix Lorn]

I would be this superhero

I'm afraid she was blatantly based on me.

[Mystic Muse]

Mystic Muse, I must say: I love your Ravenpony avatar!

Thank you.

[Absol197]

I would think bars a rare sight in a place with enough free whiskey that you can go canoeing in it.

You know, that song is a bit misleading. The lake actually isn't very big, and it's very watered down, I've been told.

The lake of stew, on the other hand, is quite delicious .

I'm afraid she was blatantly based on me.

I wouldn't have expected otherwise, nor does that change my original statement . Who wouldn't want to be blatantly based on Lixie?

[Coidzor]

It seems like a fun power .

It's... not very dramatically satisfying if it's known, though.

[Lix Lorn]

I wouldn't have expected otherwise, nor does that change my original statement . Who wouldn't want to be blatantly based on Lixie?

(Blushes massively)

[SiuiS]

TL,DR: A guy at a concert that could be read as both gay or not-gay was told to behave himself under the threat of violence, later it turned out that this had nothing to do with his possible orientation but with him being too drunk and too energetic. Me still felt uncomfortable. Too paranoid?

I would say; too paranoid, but also talk to the guy yourself. I give doubt-benefit rather easily though.

I know, but even when I thought I was a part of the binary, I was having lots of trouble finding anyone, even for just a one-time coffee date (I think a grand total of two in the entire six years since college started). And now that my dating pool has shrunk so considerably, compounded with the fact that I have no idea how to go about finding people outside the binary, I'm quite lost.

My suggestion is to stay romantic, but put love and relationships as such out of your head. Go to small, homey gatherings of like minded folk. That's what the pub crawls are for; going to a LGBTA+ bar with a group (and your friends could probably help, if you're out to anyone; they would be just as awkward as you so they would naturally help insulate te group for comfort and safety) an teu make small connections. Put the word out that you're looking for a club or such, small gatherings.
Or wait, this is a lot of work for little gain; try college clubs. LGBTA+ school clubs should have this already with the benefit of not needing to tax yourself on the anxiety level.

Anyway, my point was, don't rush. And be open; consider, how many people would you turn down because Of this strange, starving desperation? Who migh be really cool under normal circumstances, when they aren't focused on how sad and lonely they are? That the downside to bars. A singles bar puts everyone in mind of being single; you go to the bar to make small connections (this person does not remind me of a serial killer), and then you move on from there (coffee shop for casual chillaxin', group of friends at Chili's during happy hour, etc.). That what I'm going for, is don't put to much stress on that frat step. Break it down into like, five or six smaller steps.

Thanks, but as I'm sure everybody knows, not everyone is as accepting and loving as you are.

Yeah, that's true. I'd suggest networking, but as with anything over the Internet you'll find people who haven't learned a thing from their experience and aren't folks you want to ever meet. Unfortunately, I have an easier time than most, as all my new Internet friends have a core doctrine of niceness and open is cussing that most folks have never bothered with.

EDIT: I just looked it up, and assuming my weak Google-fu found the correct site, $250 is definitely not an easy amount of funds to pull together.

Hmm. That's not so bad. $250 for a session, and seemingly going in for a six hour session wouldn't cost much more than a one hour session... I was expecting a price tag in the $1,700 ballpark range.

I've actually had an idea for a trans character for Werewolf: the Forsaken. She's a transwoman who, before her change, went entirely through transition, including several surgeries. But, because of her newfound werewolf healing, very soon after the Change, she reverted to her original body. Hormones don't work anymore, etc. One of her personal goals is to find some kind of Gift, Ritual, or spirit-magic of some kind to permanently transform her to her proper body. Now I just need to find a ST who's willing to have a character like that in his/her game...No, there's ABSOLUTELY no Mary-Sue, wish-fulfillment-ness going on in the construction of this character. Move along, nothing to see here <_< >_>

As for actual superheroes, no, I can't think of any off the top of my head. But then, I don't read many comics - all I know about most superheroes is what I see in the movies, which I know is not a very good place to catch up on canon .

I've got a changeling at the moment, or Charlotte Blanc, who's past identity was Franklin Weisocki. She is probably going to have a conniption fit when she finds out

That's pretty brutal, though. Without Mcguffin power, I don't think it could happen. Even a Mage can't do that sort of thing permanently. Your best bet would be silver surgical instruments, since as I understand it the aggravated damage would heal slower, but scar; or in this case, do what it was intended to do. The hard part would be getting someone to perform surgery on a werewolf... Additionally, getting healing magic could theoretically help? Unless you're capable of completely regenerating a lost limb, then getting the procedure and then healing it would lock in the changes.

EDIT: Lentrax - The one problem with that, for the moment, is that I still haven't full accepted me for me. I'm working on it, but not quite there, yet. Thanks again for your encouragement, though!

Good point! Hope that works out for you...

Of course, a lot of those problems could have had to do with the fact that I was unknowingly trying to be something I'm not. A trend that I noticed back in the day was, when I was reading articles online or in the rare magaizine I picked up about what guys should do to be garner more attention from women, I always found myself thinking, "You know, none of that seems like me at all...but I would love to have someone who acted like that!"

Oh, the signs, why didn't I notice you sooner?

I know, right? It's almost laughable. Maybe write down a bullet list of all the ludicrous, laughable signs that make you go "and I thought I was male?!", for those days when you think maybe you're fooling yourself? Think I'll add one of those to my wallet.

Like that time I told two friends they should get married so one's name would translate to "White White". She's asexual though. They were pretty weirded out by my random train of thought.

Heh.

When I was ten, I thought about the logistics of finding people with really cool surnames, and having kids so my immediate family would be the coolest possible >.>

I don't have Facebook, and I refuse to get one, on principle. As for regular stalking, not really my kind of thing. Casually asking (or waiting for it to come up in conversation) works well, though. I've done that a few times. But the answer is always the same. Or at least it has been for me. I know that the whole, "there are no singles" thing is supposedly a myth, but I couldn't tell from what I've seen. Or maybe they're all lying to me .

Hmm. Depending on the principle, try doing an obvious account. Make a Fakey NicFalsella, the generic account solely for doing Things which require an account. Or Falsa Fekkmansdottir. Names are fun~

All sounds pretty tricky alright! I'm also getting the impression that pub culture is very different in the States than in Ireland. In Ireland, the pub is where you go to meet people. Non-drinkers are welcomed and order high-cost fizzy drinks, low-cost squash (like diluted blackberry) or free water. Okay, if you spend the whole night taking up a table and ordering only water, you'd be in trouble, but if you're in a group that's ordering other things like pints and food, you're golden. Also, some places don't charge for the squash if you're ordering it in a round of drinks and some places offer free non-alcoholics if you say you're the designated driver. People sit around chatting, you might have dinner there (pub food tends to be pretty friggin good) and getting drunk is optional and usually reserved for later in the evening.

Pubs, actual pubs, are rare here. And the ones listed as pubs tend to be the most xenophobic, where goin into a sports our without a jersey on can get you some murderous looks, or walking ino an Irish pub without obvious Irish features lead to bad action movie intimidation scenes. Well, plastic paddy pubs, I suppose.

No, the closest we have to a pub, here, is actually a restaurant. Chili's, Applebees, and there's a third I don't remember, where it's warm and friendly and it's a family setting, which happens to have a glossy wooden bar with a friendly bar tender behind it who serves you delicious food. But getting people to hang out there is hard, because people cluster at the bar, leaving barely two stools between them. It's like stereotypical men at urinals, plenty of room between that no one is comfortable sitting in

No, most bars here are places of depression. Another reason I want to move to your country.

[Skeppio]

I had a weird dream last night where I was cross-dressing.

o.O

[Astrella]

Wearing boy clothes or girl clothes?

[Skeppio]

Wearing boy clothes or girl clothes?

A skirt and sweater. So 'girl clothes', I guess.

[Absol197]

My suggestion is to stay romantic, but put love and relationships as such out of your head. Go to small, homey gatherings of like minded folk. That's what the pub crawls are for; going to a LGBTA+ bar with a group (and your friends could probably help, if you're out to anyone; they would be just as awkward as you so they would naturally help insulate te group for comfort and safety) an teu make small connections. Put the word out that you're looking for a club or such, small gatherings.
Or wait, this is a lot of work for little gain; try college clubs. LGBTA+ school clubs should have this already with the benefit of not needing to tax yourself on the anxiety level.

Anyway, my point was, don't rush. And be open; consider, how many people would you turn down because Of this strange, starving desperation? Who migh be really cool under normal circumstances, when they aren't focused on how sad and lonely they are? That the downside to bars. A singles bar puts everyone in mind of being single; you go to the bar to make small connections (this person does not remind me of a serial killer), and then you move on from there (coffee shop for casual chillaxin', group of friends at Chili's during happy hour, etc.). That what I'm going for, is don't put to much stress on that frat step. Break it down into like, five or six smaller steps.

Ohh, but that's haaa-rrd . But it is a good idea. Why must you be so right all the time, SiuiS?

Hmm. That's not so bad. $250 for a session, and seemingly going in for a six hour session wouldn't cost much more than a one hour session... I was expecting a price tag in the $1,700 ballpark range.

Actually, I was talking about the No-No, a handheld hair removal device. Not really removal, I guess, but it supposedly causes hair to take a very long time to grow back (like six weeks before you even notice it again, or something). Bianca and I both want one, but electralysis would be infinitely better.

I've got a changeling at the moment, or Charlotte Blanc, who's past identity was Franklin Weisocki. She is probably going to have a conniption fit when she finds out

That's pretty brutal, though. Without Mcguffin power, I don't think it could happen. Even a Mage can't do that sort of thing permanently. Your best bet would be silver surgical instruments, since as I understand it the aggravated damage would heal slower, but scar; or in this case, do what it was intended to do. The hard part would be getting someone to perform surgery on a werewolf... Additionally, getting healing magic could theoretically help? Unless you're capable of completely regenerating a lost limb, then getting the procedure and then healing it would lock in the changes.

So, like, before she was taken she was Franklin, and then in her captivity, her Keeper turned her into a female? That's just mean, Keeper! Of course, I'm not sure even I would go through being taken and dealing with Arcadia to be female...

And yeah, being a werewolf and trans sucks (no personal knowledge <_< >_>). Any sort of surgery, even with silver (which would hurt a lot, as anesthetics don't work on the People) would heal eventually. Werewolves can grow back limbs and organs, silver just makes it take a lot longer. Basically, for this character, a MacGuffin is her only option. She'll probably learn a lot of the Mother Luna gifts, because those deal with shapechanging. The four-dot gift also allows you to assume the body of any person you've bitten for a short time (in exchange for some essence, so she couldn't use it at will), which could be a placeholder, but to truly change her sex, she'll need something really powerful.

Mage's might not be able to do it, but a high-level Incarna could - those spirits are literally gods, and if they happen to be related to sex and gender, it might work. But what sort of favor would such a being ask for in return?

I know, right? It's almost laughable. Maybe write down a bullet list of all the ludicrous, laughable signs that make you go "and I thought I was male?!", for those days when you think maybe you're fooling yourself? Think I'll add one of those to my wallet.

Adding something like that to my wallet might be a good idea. Can I steal that?

Hmm. Depending on the principle, try doing an obvious account. Make a Fakey NicFalsella, the generic account solely for doing Things which require an account. Or Falsa Fekkmansdottir. Names are fun~

The principle is, "You kids and your new-fangled computers! In my day, we talked to people in person or on the phone when we wanted to know how they were doin', and we liked it that way! Yes ma'am!" Maybe making a fake account would be a good idea. I like Falsa, maybe I'll use her...

So I have another story to share. It seems so simple, but I can't really express the enormity of how it's affected me:

Spoiler

Show

As I mentioned a little while ago, I went shopping on Saturday, and now I have female clothes for the first time since before I was in college. One of the things I bought was a pair of pajamas that I liked. At first, even though I was home alone, I felt like I was being judged when I tried them on. Even my cat and dog seemed to be looking at me funny, and I was always worried that my folks would get home sooner than expected.

But as I got over that, I started to feel really nice. During our consultation, my therapist asked if I ever feel uncomfortable in my body or with the clothes I wear, and I had a hard time answering, because I didn't remember actually feeling uncomfortable. But now, it's like I've realized that it wasn't because I was comfortable before, but because I had never known what being comfortable meant, so I couldn't identify discomfort for what it was.

That first night, for the first time in a long, long time, when trying to fall off to sleep, my mind was, not still, but peaceful. And then I noticed I was smiling, ever so slightly, without realizing it. Which is a big deal, because normally I have to consciously try to smile, and I'm not very good at it.

And now, only two days later, it's like I can't wait to go to bed, because when I'm safe in my room, I get to feel cozy and pretty, as long as I don't think too much about how my body doesn't match. Who would have guessed all that could come from something as small as a pair of pjs?

[Kindablue]

Heh

When I was ten, I thought about the logistics of finding people with really cool surnames, and having kids so my immediate family would be the coolest possible >.>

This is also how I vote.

[supernerd]

Wow, I've not been posting for quite some time... Hello again!

So most of you already know this, being friends with me on Facebook and all, but a couple weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me.

*Hugs* if you need to talk, I should only be about half full in my PM box.

Also *hugs* for Absol.

And now for the rant because I never provide valuable opinions on issues, other than semi-functional voice tips and an argument about Pokémon:

So I really want to join the GSA, but I doubt my parents will let me. And it's my junior year of high school. I want to do this, it seems like the next logical step. Freshman year was defining myself. Sophomore year was learning to be comfortable with who I am, and being able to spread myself openly. Now it seems like the next step would be to actually join the GSA I'd been wanting to join for over two years now. It's one of those things that I'm still too afraid to do yet, and it makes me sick. I'm such a coward, so overwhelmed by a sense of inadequacy and doubt and fear that I can't even join a school club that openly supports a piece of who I am as a person.

I want to, but my belief that following my heart over my head only gets me into trouble and heartbreak keeps me from taking that chance. It's like thinking someone might disapprove of a fundamentalpiece of you, and them actually telling you that they wish it would change.

[Reluctance]

And yeah, being a werewolf and trans sucks (no personal knowledge <_< >_>). Any sort of surgery, even with silver (which would hurt a lot, as anesthetics don't work on the People) would heal eventually. Werewolves can grow back limbs and organs, silver just makes it take a lot longer. Basically, for this character, a MacGuffin is her only option. She'll probably learn a lot of the Mother Luna gifts, because those deal with shapechanging. The four-dot gift also allows you to assume the body of any person you've bitten for a short time (in exchange for some essence, so she couldn't use it at will), which could be a placeholder, but to truly change her sex, she'll need something really powerful.

Mage's might not be able to do it, but a high-level Incarna could - those spirits are literally gods, and if they happen to be related to sex and gender, it might work. But what sort of favor would such a being ask for in return?

If you're willing to draw very tenuous connections (NWOD-OWOD-Exalted), Luna's probably your girl. Guy. Simultaneously. You still have the question of bringing something to trade to something powerful enough to effect the change, but at least the forsaken have an in with an entity who can cover that. Other spirits of gender run the risk of being overly essentialist.

Also, keep in mind that "I have a boyfriend" is often used as a way to let you save face. You're facing an uphill battle, but then, so are most people. (Although I find it interesting how people who are more attracted to trans folk have ... well, the reputation chasers have.)

So I really want to join the GSA, but I doubt my parents will let me. And it's my junior year of high school. I want to do this, it seems like the next logical step. Freshman year was defining myself. Sophomore year was learning to be comfortable with who I am, and being able to spread myself openly. Now it seems like the next step would be to actually join the GSA I'd been wanting to join for over two years now. It's one of those things that I'm still too afraid to do yet, and it makes me sick. I'm such a coward, so overwhelmed by a sense of inadequacy and doubt and fear that I can't even join a school club that openly supports a piece of who I am as a person.

I want to, but my belief that following my heart over my head only gets me into trouble and heartbreak keeps me from taking that chance. It's like thinking someone might disapprove of a fundamentalpiece of you, and them actually telling you that they wish it would change.

GSA. Think about what each of the letters mean. Plenty of straight folk go there to earn points towards their ally badges because they want to help. Depending on your parents, spinning it as "this is a cause I believe in, and I want to help out/pad my college applications" instead of "this is something I have a vested personal interest in" should shush them. It's unfortunate when you have to learn spin control on your own parents, but it's a handy skill when you are in that sort of situation.

[Coidzor]

A skirt and sweater. So 'girl clothes', I guess.

Didn't happen to be cosplaying as Velma while there were mysterious things going on and that's why the dream was weird?

[Saposhiente]

GSA stuff

Apologizing is for what you do. Never apologize for what you are. That way lies madness.
Re: your parents potentially not approving: They don't have veto power over your decision.
Take control of your life.

[Skeppio]

Didn't happen to be cosplaying as Velma while there were mysterious things going on and that's why the dream was weird?

Nah. It was kinda like the bit in Persona 4 where the protagonist is roped into a cross-dressing pageant. (if you've played it)

For some reason, in the dream I was trying not to let anyone recognized me. I think I was at my old uni or something... o_O

[Arachu]

All sounds pretty tricky alright! I'm also getting the impression that pub culture is very different in the States than in Ireland. In Ireland, the pub is where you go to meet people. Non-drinkers are welcomed and order high-cost fizzy drinks, low-cost squash (like diluted blackberry) or free water. Okay, if you spend the whole night taking up a table and ordering only water, you'd be in trouble, but if you're in a group that's ordering other things like pints and food, you're golden. Also, some places don't charge for the squash if you're ordering it in a round of drinks and some places offer free non-alcoholics if you say you're the designated driver. People sit around chatting, you might have dinner there (pub food tends to be pretty friggin good) and getting drunk is optional and usually reserved for later in the evening.

... *Finds herself wondering if the 'drunken Irishman' stereotype isn't everyone else just being jealous* X3

Also, articles tend to go for as hetero- and gender-normative as possible, all the time, it can drive you a bit mad.

*Nod* They tend to use "get married" instead of "have kids" sometimes, too. >.<

(Though it's still neat that biological children of two couples of identical twins are pretty much genetic brothers/sisters. )

I know, right? It's almost laughable. Maybe write down a bullet list of all the ludicrous, laughable signs that make you go "and I thought I was male?!", for those days when you think maybe you're fooling yourself? Think I'll add one of those to my wallet.

*Totally might make one of these~*

Heh.

When I was ten, I thought about the logistics of finding people with really cool surnames, and having kids so my immediate family would be the coolest possible >.>

I thought about marrying into technical noble lines so I could technically claim to be a noble.

... And then I thought something like 'I feel like playing Pokemon Stadium', but still. X3

No, most bars here are places of depression. Another reason I want to move to your country.

*Hugs* I haven't even been to a bar yet, but stories keep me from regretting that too much. I can get perfectly "hammered" in my own lack-of-needing-to-be-driven-to home, don't need to go proving it on the sidewalk. >.>

I had a weird dream last night where I was cross-dressing.

o.O

Lucky~ All of my dreams are about jumping high.

Actually, I was talking about the No-No, a handheld hair removal device. Not really removal, I guess, but it supposedly causes hair to take a very long time to grow back (like six weeks before you even notice it again, or something). Bianca and I both want one, but electralysis would be infinitely better.

The commercials seem to imply they take longer every time (I guess the follicles get less "healthy" as you go ), but I try not to pay too much attention to those, I have enough reminders. >.>

So I have another story to share. It seems so simple, but I can't really express the enormity of how it's affected me:

Spoiler

Show

As I mentioned a little while ago, I went shopping on Saturday, and now I have female clothes for the first time since before I was in college. One of the things I bought was a pair of pajamas that I liked. At first, even though I was home alone, I felt like I was being judged when I tried them on. Even my cat and dog seemed to be looking at me funny, and I was always worried that my folks would get home sooner than expected.

But as I got over that, I started to feel really nice. During our consultation, my therapist asked if I ever feel uncomfortable in my body or with the clothes I wear, and I had a hard time answering, because I didn't remember actually feeling uncomfortable. But now, it's like I've realized that it wasn't because I was comfortable before, but because I had never known what being comfortable meant, so I couldn't identify discomfort for what it was.

That first night, for the first time in a long, long time, when trying to fall off to sleep, my mind was, not still, but peaceful. And then I noticed I was smiling, ever so slightly, without realizing it. Which is a big deal, because normally I have to consciously try to smile, and I'm not very good at it.

And now, only two days later, it's like I can't wait to go to bed, because when I'm safe in my room, I get to feel cozy and pretty, as long as I don't think too much about how my body doesn't match. Who would have guessed all that could come from something as small as a pair of pjs?

Hm hm, reminds me of when I first shaved my arms~ *Hugs* :3

Wow, I've not been posting for quite some time... Hello again!

*Welcomebackglomp~*

So I really want to join the GSA, but I doubt my parents will let me. And it's my junior year of high school. I want to do this, it seems like the next logical step. Freshman year was defining myself. Sophomore year was learning to be comfortable with who I am, and being able to spread myself openly. Now it seems like the next step would be to actually join the GSA I'd been wanting to join for over two years now. It's one of those things that I'm still too afraid to do yet, and it makes me sick. I'm such a coward, so overwhelmed by a sense of inadequacy and doubt and fear that I can't even join a school club that openly supports a piece of who I am as a person.

I want to, but my belief that following my heart over my head only gets me into trouble and heartbreak keeps me from taking that chance. It's like thinking someone might disapprove of a fundamentalpiece of you, and them actually telling you that they wish it would change.

*Hugs!* What Saposhiente said... There's not much you can do now if you need a signature and you're under 18, but I'd advise just joining them if you can.


~Bianca