My Little Pony LII: 525.600 Ponies!

[Forum Explorer]

I think ponies would stomp on the ground instead of 'snapping' anything.

[asdflove]

If you're still looking for an alternate cutie mark, how about a black heart with fangs?

THANK YOU!

[SlyGuyMcFly]

Maybe. I think it would be funnier it didn't make sense, though.

Ditto. If we're going to make a ponyfied parody of West Side Story, it should, nay, must be as ridiculous as possible.

[Anarion]

No one got time to look at my story?

I still have no idea what that first point below is even about. What's so obnoxious about my descriptors? What descriptors?

I don't have time to read the whole thing, but I took a quick look over the opening to answer your question about the descriptors.

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I think the reader's issue is a dislike of the use of multiple adjectives describing the same thing. There's nothing grammatically wrong about what you wrote, but the opening does have a lot of describing words that are attached via commas and slow it down a tad. Here's the part that jumps out at me, with the descriptive's bolded.

"The wood broke with a loud snap that rang ominously among the dark trunks of the forest. The trees were looming tall and oppressive above her in the still summer air. The forest was silent now except for her frantic, sobbing struggle for breath. It seemed to be listening."

So, I think the reader is referring to things like "frantic, sobbing struggle" and "tall and oppressive," and the issue isn't that those are bad by themselves, but that you opened by sticking a whole lot of them together, which slows down reading a bit.

The core info that you're trying to get across, as far as I can tell is
1. The wood broke
2. She's in an ominous forest (with a lack of light)
3. It's summer
4. It's quiet
5. She's crying

[Deadly]

I don't have time to read the whole thing, but I took a quick look over the opening to answer your question about the descriptors.

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I think the reader's issue is a dislike of the use of multiple adjectives describing the same thing. There's nothing grammatically wrong about what you wrote, but the opening does have a lot of describing words that are attached via commas and slow it down a tad. Here's the part that jumps out at me, with the descriptive's bolded.

"The wood broke with a loud snap that rang ominously among the dark trunks of the forest. The trees were looming tall and oppressive above her in the still summer air. The forest was silent now except for her frantic, sobbing struggle for breath. It seemed to be listening."

So, I think the reader is referring to things like "frantic, sobbing struggle" and "tall and oppressive," and the issue isn't that those are bad by themselves, but that you opened by sticking a whole lot of them together, which slows down reading a bit.

The core info that you're trying to get across, as far as I can tell is
1. The wood broke
2. She's in an ominous forest (with a lack of light)
3. It's summer
4. It's quiet
5. She's crying

Thanks for taking a look at it.

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I do like to be descriptive, and I don't think there's much I could remove from the above without altering the intended mood. For example, "frantic, sobbing struggle" wouldn't evoke the same image if I removed any of the words.

If I just said struggle it would really be quite bland and wouldn't really tell you much about her state of mind. If I went with "frantic struggle" it would lack emotion, because frantic doesn't imply any kind of emotion, only that the struggle is done in a sort of haste. And if I went with "sobbing struggle," it wouldn't really have the ... urgency implied by it being frantic.

I guess I could maybe remove "tall and oppressive", since I suppose "looming" pretty much covers that. But that's about the only thing, I think.

[Kindablue]

You couldn't possibly make it more ridiculous than the movie.

Also: I found Brazen Shields a partner:

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[Lix Lorn]

oh god
massive cute

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[Soras Teva Gee]

oh god
massive cute

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You know before Derpy I didn't even care about muffins....

[Pokonic]

oh god
massive cute

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"sound of me choking on sheer cute"

[maximus25]

So, I had a pony related, yet not pony involved dream last night.

It started out with me in my back yard, and something was going on, so I did the best thing I could think of and grabbed my trusty Element of Honesty. It was sort of just sitting there on a table. It looked like an orange apple, just the jewel in the necklace without the necklace. So, I put it up to my forehead, concentrated, and whatever the thing was (can't remember at the mo') decided to stop. So then I was just holding this little apple shaped jewel thing, so I did the logical thing, put it up to my ear and concentrated. Suddenly, the other 5 started flashes with lights, and I went to get them. Except, they weren't like the Honesty I already had, they were like traditional gems, fist sized and pointed at the bottom. Then, taking the next step, I picked up the Kindness gem and started squeezing it. Instead of breaking, it turned into the circular part of a crown. I squeezed a couple more, turning them into more parts of a crown made out of like lego pieces, and I was trying to put it together. Then my dad came in and woke me up.

Seemed like it could have been interesting had it continued.

[OracleofWuffing]

My brother has been bugging me to install Linux on his netbook, and is trying to convince me to do it today by having it "sing" the My Little Pony Theme Song. To quote him:

"My Little Ponies, My Little Ponies, we used to be so different... We came a long, long, way... From... Equestria?"

[BlasTech]

oh god
massive cute

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HNNNNNGG-

*dies*

[Maxtronaut]

oh god
massive cute

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HE FINISHED IT. YES.

[One Tin Soldier]

oh god
massive cute

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Oh sweet Celestia I want it

[otakuryoga]

oh god
massive cute

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ogawd my poor pancreas!

thankfully i have learned to always bring a couple spares with me to work in case of just such a thing happening

[Strife Warzeal]

No one got time to look at my story?

I'll get to it soon, been on a reading binge lately. I went through over 100 updates in my fimfiction account and I still have a handful I want to read. Maybe this weekend or something.


Random funny story I read today:
Gummy Tries All Day Long
Favorite part is when you look in the comments you see this from the author:
"Apologies for the title to PhantomFox ("Sunny Skies All Day Long")."
It's just a short goofy story as Gummy makes use of his alpha predator heritage.

[SiuiS]

You couldn't possibly make it more ridiculous than the movie.

Also: I found Brazen Shield a partner:

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OOOH, nice~

Oh, and your avatar's broke, bloo. You might wanna clear your cache.

oh god
massive cute

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oh fantastic! That deserves looking in to...

[Anarion]

Has everypony seen the announcement for the new Season 3 DVD preorders?

Season 3 spoilers of course.

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So, Cadence is sparkly on the cover, we can see some tall spires in the background and the foreground is a icy or possibly crystal material, so it seems that the crystal empire could be named for the terrain where it sits and the construction of its buildings.

Of course, the mane 6 also have new hairstyles. I like Twilight's ponytail, not really a fan of Dash's slicked up hair. Others are okay.

[Gamerlord]

Has everypony seen the announcement for the new Season 3 DVD preorders?

Season 3 spoilers of course.

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So, Cadence is sparkly on the cover, we can see some tall spires in the background and the foreground is a icy or possibly crystal material, so it seems that the crystal empire could be named for the terrain where it sits and the construction of its buildings.

Of course, the mane 6 also have new hairstyles. I like Twilight's ponytail, not really a fan of Dash's slicked up hair. Others are okay.

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Is it just me, or are the eyes on some of them altered?

[Pokonic]

Has everypony seen the announcement for the new Season 3 DVD preorders?

Season 3 spoilers of course.

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So, Cadence is sparkly on the cover, we can see some tall spires in the background and the foreground is a icy or possibly crystal material, so it seems that the crystal empire could be named for the terrain where it sits and the construction of its buildings.

Of course, the mane 6 also have new hairstyles. I like Twilight's ponytail, not really a fan of Dash's slicked up hair. Others are okay.

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Look at Twilight's, Fluttershy's, Applejack's, and Rainbow's eyes. There octagonish.

"You shall become one with the Crystal. The Empire needs Servents. Happy prancing ponies, to serve and love there Queen forever and a day".

[One Tin Soldier]

Has everypony seen the announcement for the new Season 3 DVD preorders?

Season 3 spoilers of course.

Spoiler

Show

So, Cadence is sparkly on the cover, we can see some tall spires in the background and the foreground is a icy or possibly crystal material, so it seems that the crystal empire could be named for the terrain where it sits and the construction of its buildings.

Of course, the mane 6 also have new hairstyles. I like Twilight's ponytail, not really a fan of Dash's slicked up hair. Others are okay.

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Oooooh, interesting. Does this mean that this season will have *gasp* a plot arc? "Adventures in the Crystal Empire" sounds like more than just a single episode, or even a two-parter.

[Lix Lorn]

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Oooooh, interesting. Does this mean that this season will have *gasp* a plot arc? "Adventures in the Crystal Empire" sounds like more than just a single episode, or even a two-parter.

...

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Maybe that's why it's a short season! It's gonna be basically a film split into eps!

[Soras Teva Gee]

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Oooooh, interesting. Does this mean that this season will have *gasp* a plot arc? "Adventures in the Crystal Empire" sounds like more than just a single episode, or even a two-parter.

...

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Maybe that's why it's a short season! It's gonna be basically a film split into eps!

We've already had that hinted by Will Anderson. Or so I'd guessed anyways.

[Pokonic]

...

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Maybe that's why it's a short season! It's gonna be basically a film split into eps!

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..... 13 episodes...... 286 minutes of pure pony....

Asuming that the Empire episodes consist of three connected ones, that could mean there are five hour-long "specials".

Crazy talk, but it's the only thing I can come up with.

[Kindablue]

Oh, and your avatar's broke, bloo. You might wanna clear your cache.

But if people could see it I couldn't claim that I made it.

[BlasTech]

I think ponies would stomp on the ground instead of 'snapping' anything.

Thanks to a recent fanfic I read, I now have a mental image of Mane6 walking along a dirt road before ...

*A-Stomp Stomp STOMP*
*A-Stomp Stomp STOMP*

You got mud on your face
You're a big disgrace
Kickin' your tail all over the place

We will we will rock you!!
We will we will rock you!!

(Bonus points if you know the fic I'm talking about)

[One Tin Soldier]

We've already had that hinted by Will Anderson. Or so I'd guessed anyways.

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That's part of what made me think of it, too. I'm excited. Really excited.

[Ravian]

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Look at Twilight's, Fluttershy's, Applejack's, and Rainbow's eyes. There octagonish.

"You shall become one with the Crystal. The Empire needs Servents. Happy prancing ponies, to serve and love there Queen forever and a day".

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It's more than the eyes, there's a general sheen to them, especially in the manes. Rainbow Dash's is the most obvious, but all of them except Cadence have it.

[Pokonic]

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It's more than the eyes, there's a general sheen to them, especially in the manes. Rainbow Dash's is the most obvious, but all of them except Cadence have it.

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Notably, Rarity, who's general gem theme is surpassed by none, and Pinkie Pie, who might just be Pinkie Pie, have there hair changed the least and do not have those squared light gleams. Which means that Generosity and Laughter have changed the least compared to Magic, Kindness, Honesty, with Loyalty having changed the most.


Hmm.....

[Anarion]

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Notably, Rarity, who's general gem theme is surpassed by none, and Pinkie Pie, who might just be Pinkie Pie, have there hair changed the least and do not have those squared light gleams. Which means that Generosity and Laughter have changed the least compared to Magic, Kindness, Honesty, with Loyalty having changed the most.


Hmm.....

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Both Rarity and Pinkie have the glowy sheen on the top of their hair. It's most likely something to do with lighting angle, meaning that the glowy sheen is coming from the environment and reflecting on the ponies.