[FO:E] The Northern Wasteland of Equestria 1

[Chaotic Bob]

[GRIMDARK Adventures in Stable 29]

Down has no qualms whatsoever about pulling a robot apart.
It technically isn't alive.
It...may have once been alive, but now it's just a cruel mockery of that life.

She "hrm"s a bit upon pulling the head open.
This stuff looks technical!
"...I don't actually know what any of this means. I see machine bits. And more machine bits."

So then she moves on!
To the source of the goo.
"...and now I see not-machine bits. I rather wish 'brain-bot' didn't have to be so literal.
So...body shots, not head shots..."

Despite not necessarily understanding any of the technical aspects of the robot, she can gather that little tidbit!
Brains are important.
Break the brain, break the body.

[Lycan 01]

Manehatten - MoM Basement

Sprinkles gives a shrug of his robo-arms. "Alright. My name is Amadeus Sprinkles, I hold the rank of Sergeant in the Equestrian Royal Army, and I am an active member of the Ministry of Morale. My favorite color is pink, I have advanced heuristic processors and AI programming that allows me to learn and "think," and I know 57 ways to kill a zebra with my bare claws," he idly replies. He says that more for everyone else than for Surprise, who already knows everything about Sprinkles.

[Rebonack]

[GRIMDARK Adventures in Stable 29]

Swiss is peering over Down's shoulder. It may or may not be a little bit disturbing give her knack for violating personal space.

"It looks like it has a secondary processor and memory unit in its head," the Changeling comments as she SCIENCE!s it up. "Which is really weird, given that it's a brainbot and all. But look here-"

She points of a corroded hoof at a mess of busted up electronics that look just like all the other busted up electronics in the thing.

"-that damage looks pretty old. It's possible that the old damage to its secondary processor made it go unstable. One of the problems with brain bots is that their personalities have this nasty habit of degrading over time. Maybe this processor was meant to stabilize the personality?"

[Benson]

Manehatten Ruins-Horseshoe Tower-Ministry of Morale- 3rd Basement Floor- 12:53 PM

Fox Trot


Rather glad I wasn't a zebra. Anyways.

"Fox Trot, my dear, the name's Fox Trot, dashingly handsome stallion looking for his memories, among other things," I announced ruffling my black mane with a hoof.

[Rebonack]

[Ministry of Morale SubLevel2]

"Uuh... I'm Sven Thunderclaw," the griffon says somewhat hesitantly when eyes turn to him. "Been a Talon ever since I was old enough to hold a gun without shooting myself."

A pause. Somewhat awkward in length.

"I had a ghoul pony try flirting with me once. Does that count as interesting?"

AND THEN SUDDENLY!

"Oh hey! It's the Muffin Man!" Surprise exclaims quite suddenly. Sure enough, sprawled out on the ground near the stairs leading back up to the first sublevel is a muffin man. The thing is badly burned from lasers, little more than fried robotics and blackened cranberry muffin-y flesh.

The (hopefully) dead creature is some kind of freakish blasphemy against nature. Incredibly tall and lanky, almost as if somepony had taken a diamond dog and stretched it to hideous lengths. Long gnarled clawless fingers extend from its toasted forelegs.

Sweet Celestia... it doesn't even have a tail! What kind of madmare could have conjured up such a nightmare?

Surprise kicks it a few times to make sure it isn't getting up. "WELP! Guess we all know the Muffin Man now. Sure would be a surprise if he jumped up again, huh? And don't think you're getting off the hook, Scoopy! It's your turn to share next!"

The cyberpony bounces over the robot muffin thing and prances up the stairs.

...Sven gives the Muffin Man plenty of space. Just in case one of those talonless talons tries to snag him.

"BOO!"

Sven lets out a startled squawk and nearly topples over backwards when Surprise suddenly pops around the corner again before immediately retreating out of view.

[Lycan 01]

Manehatten - MoM Basement

Sprinkles silently puts a magical energy round through the Muffin Man's forehead, then continues on his merry way.

[MCerberus]

Manehatten - Basement of Morale

Scoops hoofs over the case currently holding her recon rifle over to... the owner of the gun previously in it. The 'assurance' round put into the muffin man doesn't shock her, tactically sound decision.

"Well my name and title would be 'Knight-Errant Whadda Scoops', but you can take either of the last two when you need to shout out my name. Oh, and I once drank over a dozen Sparkle Colas in an hour. The scribes said I was in a 'ultra-stimulated state that effected perceptions of space-time' or something like that. According to what they did with the science I'm 3 seconds older than my age because of that."

Speaking of which...
"Victory sodas!" The mare produces 5 bottles. If Sprinkles cannot partake, guess who would take his.

[Chaotic Bob]

[GRIMDARK Adventures in Stable 29]

Down does sliiiiiide slightly to the side, so that Swiss can be...not right there, but she does an admirable job of not flipping out.
Maybe.

Probably because she's busy learning!
"So...if I'm understanding correctly, smashing or damaging their heads makes them go crazy?"

[Rebonack]

[GRIMDARK Adventures in Stable 29]

That gets a nod out of Swiss as she begins to unhook various components from within the bot and eventually extracts the machine's micro sparkle generator. "Looks like it. From the nature of the burns I'll guess it was probably electrical damage. Pretty significant to fuse the circuits like that. Must have stuck her head in an electrical socket or something."

The MSG is stuffed into Swiss' saddlebag.

...what?

They're really valuable!

"Hey! What are you two doing back there!" Vinyl calls out from down the hall. "We need to find your friend, remember?"

Weird.

Almost like she isn't even aware that one of her fellow foalbots just got smashed into scrap and then picked apart. Or at least she isn't aware of it anymore.

[Ministry of Morale Sublevel1]

Up the flight to the first sublevel!

Surprise takes the rifle case from Scoops and puts it... somewhere... Inside her mane? Her poofy tail? Just vanished behind her back? It certainly went somewhere. But its precise location is a mystery.

This pony sure is random.

"Okay! That means it's my turn now. I'm Surprise Party and I was born in Cloudsdale. My official title was 'Senior Party Technician'. Though secretly I'm a Party Pooper, the Ministry of Morale's black ops team. It was our job to make bad ponies quietly disappear. I reported directly to Minister Pinkie Pie. So... I guess that would make me the ranking officer in the Ministry of Morale now. Surprised?"

Well! That's an interesting tidbit of information.

Surprise chirps a thanks! and takes her soda, sticking the bottle in her mouth and swallowing the thing whole. "So Foxy? Any idea where your memories might be? Last time I lost my memories it turned out they were under the sofa the whole time."

[Chaotic Bob]

[Adventures in Stable 29]

Down frowns at herself a bit here.
...right. They're on a rescue mission.
Sour might be in trouble, or just foolishly poking around this hellhole.

Either way, they need to find TRSG!'s friend.

Completely not bothered by Swiss' salvage practices (soldiers claim resources where they can), she stands back up and straightens.
"Okay, we understand our enemy better. Progress.
We should get going then, the foal's right.

Guess we're going to try to avoid head trauma as best we can."
Crazy foes are more unpredictable, so it's best to dodge that risk!


It's convenient that Vinylbot doesn't seem upset anymore.
That could have been an issue.
"...also keep an eye on her head."

[Benson]

Manehatten Ruins-Horseshoe Tower-Ministry of Morale- 3rd Basement Floor- 12:55 PM

Fox Trot

"Victory sodas, sweet, thanks babe...eh...I mean Whadda," I happily accepted the soda and plopped on my flank with a clank. I held the beverage in my hooves and...struggled to take off the top. I looked like a buffoon with my struggles to open it with my teeth.

I hoofed it over to Whadda and put on a puppy dog eyed face. "Can you open it for me, please?"

Oh, and Miss Surprise Party addressed me.

"My memories? Well...not really, I wish I knew. I have three memory orbs on me, I don't remember how I got them, but I got them, I think I nicked them, they may be mine or not...I don't know, alas, I'm not a unicorn." I made a sad swoonful noise and brought a hoof to my forehead.

[MCerberus]

Manehatten - Basement of Morale

Well Scoops is something of an expert on both talking with her mouth full and opening soda bottles, so she just pops the top off one and hands it to Fox. It's really amazing how she can get at the sweet drink of the gods with a smooth hoof motion.

And then there's nothing left of the soda she was drinking.

[Rebonack]

[GRIMDARK Adventures in Stable 29]

"Hopefully we don't have to worry about anymore of them being enemies," Swiss sighs. "But I don't think I'm going to count on it."

Probably wise.

And then?

Then something very convenient happens.

"Rye? Oh Celestia be praised I found you!" comes a rather measured voice from afar. "And... why do you have a-"

"Hey! I'm Vinyl Scratch! The greatest DJ in all of Stable 29!"

"Ah... yes... of course you are..." replies the pristine white unicorn mare that just stepped into view. Her mane and tail look... really odd. Almost like a thick pink fog clinging to her. "Is everypony else here? And who are you?"

Whoop!

Looks like she just spotted Down!

"Sour! Haha! Alright, now we can get out of here! Sour, this is Down Feather," Swiss says, gesturing between the two ponies with a corroded hoof. "Down, this is Moondancer, also known as Sauerkraut."

"Enclave on the surface?" Sour comments skeptically. "What is the Wasteland coming to? Well. Thank you for being willing to help my friends, none the less."

[Ministry of Morale Sublevel1]

"Oh noooooo! That's terrible!" Surprise replies, her tone taking on an air of tragedy as she places a hoof to her forehead and topples over backwards dramatically. Her wings flare out and begin flapping, causing her to hover a foot or so above the ground. "But it sounds like maaaaaybe you didn't lose them at all! Somepony just pulled them out of your head! You need one of those memory reader things. And I've got a surpriiiiiise for you~! We used to use them for interrogation all the time! Gotta have some way for not-unicorns to read the orbs after all."

Wait, really?

Could the answer be buried away somewhere in the ministry building?

"The interrogation rooms are waaaay up on the twenty fourth floor, though. Hopefully those alicorns haven't pulverized them."

[Benson]

Manehatten Ruins-Horseshoe Tower-Ministry of Morale- 3rd Basement Floor- 12:56 PM

Fox Trot

"Heh, thanks," I accept the now opened saccharine sweet two hundred year old drink and drank it.

"Yea..one of those memory recollectors!...Really? Ya'll have some here?" My eyes went wide with hope as I glanced at the others, with those hopeful eyes.

[Chaotic Bob]

[Adventures in Stable 29]

Oh.
Well.
About that whole rescue thing...

Down would frown, if this wasn't technically exactly what they wanted.
Time has been saved! Which means they can move up to the next objective...

She already decides that she at least sort of likes Sour, since her reaction to Vinylbot seems sane.
Sane but calm.

"Letting your friends be mauled by manticores would have let a bad taste in my mouth, unfortunately."
She probably isn't going to let that go, is she?
"Nice to meet you, though."
You and your...rather interesting mane.

This group is full of very peculiar ponies. And not-pony.
The pegasus is now suddenly trying really hard to not think about Swiss again, unfortunately, which would probably make the changeling sad.
"I'm sure I've told your friends, but the Enclave aren't the pure evil the surface seems to think. Despite sometimes...questionable methods. We have the world's interest at heart.

Now, with that in mind...before we leave. Something needs to be done about this place."
From pleasant greeting, back to strict tactical mode, Down is flipflopping all over the place here.

[Lycan 01]

Manehatten - MoM Basement

Sergeant Sprinkles sighs. "Namby-pamby memory readers take all the fun out of interrogations. Zebras are tough nuts to crack, but if yer creative enough, they'll eventually tell what whatever ya need to know. It may take a few hours with a trombone and some tickling.... or strategic use of fire ants or a crowbar...... but it's a fun challenge! Just yankin' the memories outta their skull is.... too easy," he huffs.

[BladeofObliviom]

[Overpass Shelter]

"A truck is a prewar thing used to move lots of stuff around without having to carry it. Fizz, a mare in town, apparently heard about a crashed one full of special Sparkle-Cola.

She's a little bit obsessed with the stuff, but nice if you don't mind the crazy."

Well, she did promise to answer any question...

[Rebonack]

[GRIMDARK Adventures in Stable 29]

She REALLY like her mane!

The manticore comment gets a chuckle out of Sour. "I'm sure they would have been in dire straights if you hadn't aided them. Thank you."

Swiss mutters something in an incomprehensible chittering, hissing language. Ponies probably aren't even able to make most of those sounds.

"I don't believe the Enclave is evil. I can... understand why they did what they did all those years ago. The surface was an irradiated deathtrap for the first few decades after the day Equestria died," Sour replies, her tone morose as she no doubt recalls past horrors. "But surviving on the surface is possible now. I'm sure that if the Enclave were more willing to share their food the ponies of the surface would be willing to trade for raw materials. I can't image there are many gems or sources of metals above the clouds."

Hoo! Seems she's a diplomatic one. No wonder she's the team's unofficial leader.

A glance is cast back at the still living foalbot. "I'm afraid I must agree. I took the liberty to observe exactly what's being done here. It... isn't pleasant. And may be a threat to pony life at large if left unchecked."

[MCerberus]

Manehatten - Basement of Morale

Fire ants being something much different now than they were in the past (they used to be regular ant size and breath fire), Whadda can only think of one being tied to a rope and dropped from the ceiling on a Zebra. What an odd interrogation technique.

"Alright then, one more objective!"

[Rebonack]

[Ministry of Morale SubLevel1]

Surprise casts a sidelong glance at Sprinkles. "You know, I kind of wish I had taken up the Ministry of Awesome's offer and joined them. Maybe killing zebras wouldn't have made me feel as terrible as killing ponies..."

Though she suspects that killing equines of any kind would have sucked all the fun out of her life regardless. Things were a lot easier when she really was just a party technician.

But that time is two hundred years past now. Ancient history by all accounts. Quite abruptly her mane looks poofier and a shade brighter as bucks off the doldrums and slips back into her cheerful disposition.

"Well! It sounds like we're going to try to get your memories back into your head, Foxy! With any luck we should be able to catch those nasty Princess-blasphemers by surprise," the assassin casts a rather mischievous looking smile at Scoops. "I should have had some shield-popper rounds in Going Away Party's case. Bullets with a talisman built into the nose? Those should give the alicorns a nasty surprise for sure."

Oh hey!

It's that table covered in cupcakes again!

...they aren't in too much of a hurry, are they? Maybe stop to eat a cupcake or two?

[Luka]

[Overpass Shelter]

"A truck is a prewar thing used to move lots of stuff around without having to carry it. Fizz, a mare in town, apparently heard about a crashed one full of special Sparkle-Cola.

She's a little bit obsessed with the stuff, but nice if you don't mind the crazy."

Well, she did promise to answer any question...

"...Cola?...That's a drink, isn't it?....Maybe I could try one sometime....Maybe it would be drinking one "again"."
"So.... Where are we going?"

[PurityIcekiller]

After about twenty minutes of trudging along through the rocky ravine, Fleetwing and Violetta eventually spot a rainwater gulley down the side of the craggy cliff-face, which looks somewhat climbable.

"Huh. Well, that's a possibility." Violetta inspected the gully a bit, then carefully began to climb up. She wasn't quite as cautious as Fleetwing, however, since she knew it was probably the best way to go.

[Lycan 01]

Ravine

It turns out the gulley offers no hidden risks or challenges. And climbing it is actually quite easy.

Before long, the two ponies have managed to clamber up and out of the ravine. The land around them is barren and decorated by only a few old, burnt trees, and a fractured old street.

Oh, and a gas station.

~ding ding~

[BladeofObliviom]

[Overpass Shelter -> Middle of Nowhere]

"Heh, maybe."

The ghoul manages to crack a smile.

"Fizz has been pointing ponies out a bit west of here, so I suppose that's probably the best place to start."

And she begins to trot off!

[Tag: Luka, Lycan]

[Lycan 01]

MoM Basement

Sprinkles hovers over to the cupcakes, and immediately tosses one over to each member of the party. "Here. Hang on to this, or smear it on her face. It may take a lot of singing, but we should be able to use the cupcakes-and-zebras trick to get past any more guard robots we bump into," he gruffly states. "I'm not sure if they're recognize Miss PV in-the-flesh."

[Luka]

[Overpass Shelter -> Middle of Nowhere]

"Heh, maybe."

The ghoul manages to crack a smile.

"Fizz has been pointing ponies out a bit west of here, so I suppose that's probably the best place to start."

And she begins to trot off!

"So... We're going west too?...Ok"
Gleamy follows her.

[TheAmishPirate]

[Gas Station - But it's aaaallriiiiiiiiiight nowwww...]

Okay, so perhaps spending those ten minutes examining the cliff face and giving Violetta frantic, hushed whispers to stop climbing had all been for naught. But you never could be sure...

The gas station showed promise; those places usually had a few nice supplies lying around. Potions, jury-rigging materials, things like that. However, as far as he was concerned, none of that was as valuable as the sodas in his pack. "Don't wander too close, now," he warned. "No need to get into any more trouble. Best we should just get on our way, and collect on what we got."

[PurityIcekiller]

[I'm Agast]

Violetta sniffed around. "What kind of place is this? It's got an odd scent. Is it dangerous, or is that just your instinctive cautiousness?" She stepped closer to the gas station for a better look.

[Lycan 01]

Gas Station

It's just an old gas station with a slanted roof, painted in an age-faded green and yellow color scheme. There are two old gas pumps out in front, and all the windows are boarded up. The front door doesn't seem to be obstructed, though.

[TheAmishPirate]

[Not to be confused with a by-product of the most magical of fruit]

"It's a gas station. Things like that truck got fuel here before the war. That building next door must've been some sorta general store, they usually got shelves and some odds 'n ends there."

Fleetwing tried to nudge her closer towards some rocks, it wouldn't do to be seen if there was anypony lurking inside. "They ain't super dangerous, well, y'don't want to be setting fires near there. Gas lights up real easy. It's just we don't know what's in there; might be empty, might be raiders, might be critters. And even if it there might be some potions or food or somethin' in there, we got a big enough haul as is. No reason t'risk it scavving a gas station." Good, sensible, Wasteland logic.