Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[vasharanpaladin]

*One does not use software that he has never used before during the game
*One does not try to walk through walls while corporeal

*Referring to oneself as "this one" while playing a human is a self-effacing quirk. Referring to oneself as "this one" while playing a thri-kreen is fething creepy.

[Milo v3]

* None of my characters can refer to themselves as "We" instead of I. It causes way too much confusion amoung NPC's.

[vasharanpaladin]

* None of my characters can refer to themselves as "We" instead of I. It causes way too much confusion amoung NPC's.

**While highly appropriate for a high-level binder, referring to oneself as "we" while speaking in character through an echo recorder is, also, fething creepy.

[TheHoodedTeddy]

Believe it are not, these are real rules in my sessions.

• Any plan that causes anyone to giggle uncontrollably is vetoed.
• Any plan involving flaming arrows is vetoed until further notice
• Any plan based on faulty logic that the dimwitted Players came up with is vetoed for their own good if noticed by the smarter players.
• Any plan involving Throwing my gnome character is out, whether I agree or not.

[Milo v3]

*I cannot turn normal people into flesh golems
** Especially if they are still alive as I stick the group together
*** Especially if they are still awake during the whole process
* I cannot play a level 8 character who is the strongest being in existance.
* I cannot play a character who has a sword that istwo times larger than he is, inside each of his arms.
** Especially if he possesses more than two arms.

[NM020110]

*I am exempt from ignoring carrying capacity.
**If, in a zombie survival game, my equipment weight exceeds my push/drag capacity, I can expect to lose some of it.
***The fully stocked alchemy lab and forge are first and second on the list.
****The crane can also be expected to be lost at some point.

[Brennan1214]

*No longer allowed to spend all my money on bluff improving items.
**If I do, I cannot get said money by convincing people (Especially the other PCs) that if they don't give me their money, the world will end.
***Especially not while playing a beguiler.
****From now on, everybody has sense motive.
*****And a good will save.
******Even the commoners.

[OctoberRaven]

Oh and

*If we're playing L5R, I'm not GMing it. I always turn it into Ninja Scroll because political campaigns just aren't my strong suit. I'll be happy to play though as long as I can roll a Hare.

[Zahhak]

Stockholm Syndrome is not a key feature of most fairytales.

[OctoberRaven]

Stockholm Syndrome is not a key feature of most fairytales.

Unless you're playing nWoD Changeling as a Loyalist.

[Marillion]

*I may not point out that the pun another player made in character would only work in english, and not in the language the party is currently speaking.

[Sgt. Cookie]

*If my Vow of Nonviolence teammate says "I should try changing my enemies." my Barbarian's response is not to be "I do. Into corpses."

[Kazyan]

*I may not go along with the plan that the most competent player thinks is a bad idea.

Yeah, we kinda got served by a bunch of babau and a vrock, at level 6, becuase we alerted them...

[Slipperychicken]

*If my Vow of Nonviolence teammate says "I should try changing my enemies." my Barbarian's response is not to be "I do. Into corpses."

**Using high explosives to "convert" them into beefaroni will is grounds for losing my [Exalted] status.

[Heliomance]

***** The same goes for light sabers, vibroswords, crysknifes, ohmu shell knifes, masamune swords, key tools, claw shots, Holy Hand Grenades of Antioch, batarangs, identity discs, Pokeballs, and fing-longers.

How about psionic spirit-blades?

[Man on Fire]

* I can never attempt anythign I saw Joseph oestar doing one.
** No, my character did not bouth Tequilla
** Cannot annoy BBEG by predicting his lines

[Hamste]

*I can no longer catch myself on fire and make grapple checks to burn my enemies.
** Particulary if I have Fire Resistance

*Lighting a torch while in an oil based trap "to see" is no longer allowed.

[gurgleflep]

* My goblin ninja is no longer allowed to be the party chef. The meals were a blast!
* My barbarian can no longer throw the halfling so that he and the rest of the party can escape while the dragon has a quick snack.
* I can no longer jump out of a tree so that I can land on a dire wolf in an attempt to use it as a mount.
* I am not allowed to create a potion of "never ending beard growth" and give it to the dwarf. Even if I have a potion created that'll stop it - he won't take it.
* My (obese) half-ogre barbarian can no longer sit on people while singing "Pop goes the weasel!"

[Lynnalynna]

*(all true) I may not trade higher level spells for cantrips anymore
** Nor may I trip any charging character (PC or NPC) who is a Minotaur or similar race with a cantrip or two, causing him to fall off a cliff
*** Especially if I am using a bloodletting based character, even if it is funny to see mr. 5 cha falling off a cliff because a halfling wizard tripped him with a cantrip
****Nor am I allowed to use mage hand to knock over a lit candle to catch a room full of skeletons on fire (a room with Fine Tapestries and oil traps on the floor)
*****Especially if that room is our only way through.

*(again, true story) I am not allowed to worship a god/goddess of Plague, Disease, and Poison anymore
**Especially when I am a ranger who is devoted to an absolute point
***Especially when there is a Kender in the group
****Especially when the Kender dies in the first room of the campaign from being poisoned by a needle on the lever for the porticullious as a whole and is rezzed by the DM due to the fact that it was the first room in a modular at lvl 1 and the campaign group was meant to go through lvl 20.
*****To add onto that, I am not allowed to worship said Kender as the second coming of the lord of Plague and Poison due to the resurrection and a Knowledge(poison) check.
******Nor am I allowed to let said Kender through me over a cesspool to retrieve my master his treasure that soon will be an heirloom
*******Nor am I allowed to try and retrieve the spoon of turning from the cleric, who confiscated said spoon from the kender when he almost got us killed by having full faith in it, no matter how much I now worship said kender

EDIT:
*Due to said campaigns, I am no longer allowed to have a sword with a ring style pommel and a rope both in my inventory at the same time.
**There is no such thing as Weapon Specialty/Focus (Rope) nor is there a such thing as Weapon Specialty/Focus (Throwing-Sword-on-a-Rope)

EDITEDIT: According to my dm, Tom Vasel is not a legal deity for my character, no matter how much I worship him

[DigoDragon]

Derailed a quest by infiltrating a famous thieves guild with the paladin. I don't remember why I did it, but it was hilarious~

• I'm no longer allowed to sneak into the thieves guild's castle by hiding in the food.
• If I do sneak into the castle, I'm not allowed to bring the paladin while she's drunk.
• If the paladin is drunk, I'm not allowed to coerce her into summoning her mount indoors.
• If the drunk paladin does summon her mount indoors, I'm not allowed to encourage her to ride into the thieves guild banquet 'for glory'.
• If for some reason I managed to sneak into the thieve's guild castle, with a drunk paladin, riding with her on a celestial stallion into the guild's banquet party, then we are completely forbidden to ride the mount over the table singing "It's time for the Murder Circus!!" while leaping at the thieves and slaughtering them wholesale.
• The party wizard is not allowed to play the theme song to "Peewee's Big Adventure" during this combat encounter.

My character didn't survive the encounter, but the paladin did and she was commended for her selfless bravery by the local city guard for ridding them of the evil guild. Too bad she didn't remember most of it the next morning.
Wound have been nice to Recover My Body for resurrection, LOL!

[Man on Fire]

* No longer allowed to use the threat of closing somebody's mouth with a french kiss.
** Especially towards an ogre.

[unseenmage]

*I may no longer play fighter's who dual weild greatswords.
** Esp if all he does is hurl them at his enemies.
*** Esp if He does so effectively.
**** Esp if he insists on doing so as he runs down the corridors setting off every trap in the dungeon.
****** Esp when the party still tries to follow him and all the delayed traps only attack THEM.
*I also may no longer be allowed to be the party chef
** Esp when all we fought were drow. No animals about anywhere.
*** And no one wants any of the grey jerky I keep offering them.
**** Characters will no longer be fed while sleeping.

[Zahhak]

* "If it's terrible you can blame it on me" is not a good enough reason to develop a board game.
** It is also not a good enough reason to make your party be beta testers.

[Sith_Happens]

* "The Lone Ranger" is not a valid Exalt name.

[Blightedmarsh]

*I may not tell the BBEG he is doing it wrong
**I may not proceed to give tips on how to do it better
***This tends to annoy people
****Particularly if they are good ones
*****Especially if he is taking notes

[Kymme]

From an Exalted session a few nights ago
*My Solar was not a heavy metal rocker in his mortal life.
**His response to an Abyssal threatening his town should not be to challenge it to a rock-off.
***Especially if he is still a mortal at the time.
****My character cannot then proceed to re-enact this and become a Solar exalted.

[Socratov]

From an Exalted session a few nights ago
*My Solar was notso a heavy metal rocker in his mortal life.
**His response to an Abyssal threatening his town should nottotally be to challenge it to a rock-off.
***Especially if he is still a mortal at the time.
****My character cannot then proceed to re-enact this and become a Solar exalted in posession of a totally awesome artifact of knowledge.

fixed that for you (seriously, if there was any system made for re-enacting the POD, it's Exalted)

[DigoDragon]

• I'm no longer allowed to antagonize the party ninja. Just because it isn't a powerful class, it doesn't mean she can't Sudden Strike me in my sleep.
• I'm no longer allowed to antagonize the party wizard by nicknaming him 'Sparky'. Even if his actual name is Sparks. And electricity is his favored element.
• I'm no longer allowed to antagonize the wizard's pony familiar. She does not have a cutie mark and she knows how to wield a dagger for some odd reason.
• I'm no longer allowed to antagonize hill giants. Especially when I'm only 1st level. And i'm within reach of their "horrible murder radius".
• Stop antagonizing people!

• As GM, I'm not allowed to impose a "foreigner tax" upon the PCs. Doesn't matter if there is an actual historical basis for this.
• I'm also not allowed to import the economics system from Wolf and Spice into my D&D game. None of my players are accountants, and they'll just circumvent the system by bartering in orc ears.
• ...no longer allowed to create a new monetary system based on orc ears.

[Man on Fire]

* No longer allowed to play any caster class based on any of the following characters:
** Jonathan Strange ("I don't care if you're gentleman or not, kill the Blackguard!")
** Kedrigern ("What does it mean you won't undo the same curse twice?")
** Lina Inverse ("Stop blowing everythign up!")
** Rincewind ("Wizards shouldn't be running away all the time!")
** Paul Bearer ("For the last time, you're not empowering Warlock with that urn!")
** John Constantine ("You had to flip Asmodeus a bird, didn't you?")
** Nico Minoru ("Just get over her death!")
** Xykon ("There are other spells than Energy Drain!")
** Zasalamel ("Are wiards even proficent with a scythe?")
** Schrieke ("You're playing little girl, that's creepy man!")
** Belgarath ("Stop getting drunk!")
** Joseph Stalin ("Stop mixing magic with communism!")
** Randal Flagg ("Entire campaign goes out of the window because you had to poison the king and frame his son into it, I hope you're proud of yourself!")

I made this one up. Too bad, because now I kinda want to see a game of wizards.

[unseenmage]

I made this one up. Too bad, because now I kinda want to see a game of wizards.

It'd be just like Game of Thrones but with jazz hands MAGIC jazz hands!