Relationship Woes and Advice 25: Now with extra Valentine

[Philemonite]

I've had friends tell me secrets about other friends all the time. I have no problem keeping it to myself. You don't suddenly owe it to your other friend to tell them you know something, especially when it was told in confidence to you. Frankly I'd feel MORE bad about telling A that I know and breaking the confidence with B who told me.

I agree completely, I didn't even think about telling anything to A, it just makes me feel uncomfortable. The thing is, I'm kinda weird when it comes to social interactions. I'm usually extremely direct, because for me, that's the logical thing to do. That's why I sometimes have trouble with that kind of stuff.

Even if he asked for assistance, its ultimately B's decision. If he wants to break-up that's his choice. It's not for you to decide that for him. You can ask him what HE really wants. He needs to figure that out. Really communication between the two people in the relationship is key here. If they're refusing to talk about it (or A is as you mentioned), then really B needs to make his decision without that conversation.

B is very indecisive in general. And that's an understatement. And I am very capable of manipulating people without them knowing it. It's not really something I am proud of.

As an outside observer A is not coming off very well in this situation. The lack of wanting to communicate about it is probably worse to me than the actual cheating (especially since the cheating was a fair while ago), but that's just my personal opinion.

It is my impression that 90+% of relationships fall apart because of communication problems. I think that A is afraid that B will break up with him if they talk about it. He thinks it is easier to pretend that nothing happened.

[Coidzor]

It is my impression that 90+% of relationships fall apart because of communication problems. I think that A is afraid that B will break up with him if they talk about it. He thinks it is easier to pretend that nothing happened.

Well, he's being rather dumb about this very specific matter, but that's nothing new or special or something that demands outside intervention.

[GPuzzle]

Uhm, hello.

Okay, on my RPG group, I like this girl.

But if I try to say anything to her when it comes down to, I don't know, asking her out and things like that, I stutter. A lot. Like Roger Daltrey stuttering on My Generation, just taken up to twelve.

Can anyone on the Playground help me?

[Aedilred]

Uhm, hello.

Okay, on my RPG group, I like this girl.

But if I try to say anything to her when it comes down to, I don't know, asking her out and things like that, I stutter. A lot. Like Roger Daltrey stuttering on My Generation, just taken up to twelve.

Can anyone on the Playground help me?

Have you considered making the Roger Daltrey thing part of your persona? You could try channelling him and imagining that you're a global megastar, impossibly wealthy on an improbable number of drugs - and moreover that you'll be able to afford good enough healthcare and plastic surgery that even in old age you'll still look pretty good. That might give you the confidence you need to ask her out.

But (slightly) more seriously, I don't think there's any particular magic bullet for appearing confident, unfortunately. I mean, I'm supposed to speak at people for a living, but I can still struggle to talk properly when really put under pressure (which can include trying to talk to people I find attractive, inevitably). It's just something you have to kind of grit your teeth and get on with, putting on the mask if necessary.

A method that was suggested to me (in my case to deal with difficult questions or being thrown off guard, but it could apply anywhere) is to visualise a "private space" around yourself. You can construct whatever you like in there (for me it was an imaginary outfit) that makes you feel safer and more confident. Then if you find yourself getting flustered, take a few seconds (it's really all it takes) to retreat to that space, and your confidence will grow again.

Another tip worth bearing in mind is that it's better to pause than to stutter or go "um, er". If you slow down your speech it makes you seem more confident, and if when you're not sure what you're going to say next you pause rather than trying to fill the space, it makes what you say sound more considered and intelligent. And it buys you extra space to think about what you're saying, rather than tripping over yourself trying to keep up with your racing brain.

If you've ever done any sort of public speaking, you might have heard the maxim that if you think you're speaking at the right speed, you're probably going too fast. The same might apply here. Obviously, you don't want to seem like you're talking at her, but if when it comes to asking the important question you concentrate on what you're saying rather than her reaction to it and take it at a manageable pace (bearing in mind the above) it might help you to get out what you want to say/ask without losing your nerve.

Obviously I don't know the specifics of your personal relationship with her, but do you actually interact with her much? Are you capable of having a normal conversation with her without stuttering, is it just when you try to ask her out, or have you not really spoken to her a great deal directly? If not, it would probably be worth trying to initiate some "normal" conversations with her so that (firstly) she seems less intimidating if you want to approach her romantically and (secondly) you get to know her a bit better, which is always a positive anyway.

[GPuzzle]

It just really shows up when I'm trying to ask her out. I talk to her normally on nearly everything, but whevener I want to make a move, I just... can't. Heck, it even shows up when I'm typing. I think about her, my typing slows down. I have to think things through otherwise I'll repeat myself and type (or say) the same thing twice.

[7th son of sons]

I'm in a bit of a situation, a situation I wholly admit to forcing on myself, but not one I think I was fully prepared for. I need assistence, any advice is helpful.

Here's the Situation:
I like a girl. Have liked for about three years now. We've been friends, but not great friends, but we're friendly enough. I was in the process of attempting to ask her to prom, I went to her best friend and asked her if she was going with anyone, to which her friend replied she was going with her boyfriend. Not entirely upset, because nothing really happened, I was met with a pleasent suprise when a few days later, she approached me and asked if I would like to take her to prom, saying she had recently broken up with her boyfriend. Of course, I was more than Happy too.

Here's where the story gets hard. She's always had a sort of reputation as a girl who sleeps around, drinks, drugs, you know the type. I had always known about it, chose to ignore it, because I was infatuated with her. After asking me to prom, she also asked if I would be attending an "after-prom rager", which I came to found meant a party with drinking, drugs, music, what-have-you. I'm not much for partying, but if it meant a longer date with my three year crush, I was down for it.

A few days past, and we where talking about some stupid stuff going around on the highschool rumour mill, came out and told me she was in love with another girl, but said other girl was currently engaged to her Girlfriend. She said the situation involved said other girl being in love with her as well, but being in love with her girlfriend more so. She said this girl was the most important person in her life, and that she couldn't see her life without her. I tol a story my mom had been telling me since I was born, of a similar situation between her and my father in law, ending said story with what my mom had always told me "Don't regret your first love, but know they won't be your last". She was greatful for me opening up to her like that, telling her a very emotional story from a very Sh*tty time in my life. She said she admired me, and I returned the favour. I felt like it was my chance, but I didn't tell her how I felt, not with her in the mindset she was in.

At the same time, one of her friends had apparently told her I wasbringing condoms to prom (which was and is, untrue). She contacted me through Facebook, asking me about it, seeming very mad at the idea. I explained how it was all untrue, how she was, in fact, my first date period, and that I had no such plans or expectations of myself, or of her. She took it well enough, but durin the conversation, she brought up how she didn't want a boyfriend. All the while, more rumours of her "partners" continued to surface, including those of her and the girl she claimed to be in love with, getting together even now, when she's engaged. The whole while, I'm nervous about Prom, and about what could go on, and about how the other woman and her fiancee wouldd be attending the prom as well.

At the end of the day, here's where I need advice:
1.) Should I tell her that I like her? Should I tell her now? At the Prom? After Prom? During the Party? How should I tell her? this is easily my worst area of Highschool social living.

2.) How do I deal with this other girl and her fiancee. It's not fair for the fiancee to not know whats going on, but at the same time it's not my business.

3.) Is it worth going to Prom if she and the other girl might end up just getting together there, as so many seem to believe? What about the stigma about her and her... escapades? should I be intimidated if something does come up?

I realize all of this is just Highschool drama, and I'll look back and say "that was all really dumb", like my mother did, but while I'm here, while I'm living it, it sucks. I'm stressing out hard, I can't focus, and I feel like my chance is slipping away. Please, Please, I need something, anything, I'm getting desperate. For reference, all of the above took place over 1 week, and the Prom in question is in 3 weeks , and I, despite my picture, am a Male.

[Knaight]

But if I try to say anything to her when it comes down to, I don't know, asking her out and things like that, I stutter. A lot. Like Roger Daltrey stuttering on My Generation, just taken up to twelve.

Can anyone on the Playground help me?

It's a relatively unpracticed social interaction for most people, being nervous and not being able to manage typical levels of communication is entirely normal. Just ask her out, and hope she doesn't mind the stutter. It probably won't even affect anything in the response (it could, but it could go either direction), most people aren't going to have a response of the "I would be willing to date you, but stuttering once when asking me out is a total deal breaker".

Here's where the story gets hard. She's always had a sort of reputation as a girl who sleeps around, drinks, drugs, you know the type. I had always known about it, chose to ignore it, because I was infatuated with her. After asking me to prom, she also asked if I would be attending an "after-prom rager", which I came to found meant a party with drinking, drugs, music, what-have-you. I'm not much for partying, but if it meant a longer date with my three year crush, I was down for it.

I'd recommend not going to an after-prom rager. It sounds like the sort of thing that just isn't what you want to do, particularly as it sounds like you specifically have something against drinking and drugs.

As for the rest of the reputation, I'd take it with a huge grain of salt. Rumor mills of any sort tend to have accuracy problems. Rumor mills in a high school tend to have even worse accuracy problems. Rumor mills even tangentially connected to sex tend to have atrocious accuracy problems. Rumor mills related to sex in a high school setting? I'd trust the information about the state of a cult that was given to me from a cult leader first. This gets even more true if it's a vague "X sleeps around". In general, what that actually means is "somebody dislikes X, and is decent at starting rumors".*

So, the short version - Don't get involved in alcohol/drug culture. You clearly don't want to, and while I'm pretty live and let live on this sort of thing, I'd personally say that you're making the better decision by avoiding it. The rest of the reputation sounds like abject hogwash.

As for the other girl and her fiancee, this is their business. It doesn't even sound like there's necessarily a problem on their end** - said girl likes two people, but is involved with the one she prefers. It's a non issue there; the only potential issue is with the person you like, who's going to have to get used to disappointment in this regard.

*There's a side note here regarding how the core principles behind slut shaming are all sorts of stupid, but I'm not getting into that here.

**I would expect a messy relationship explosion at some point, as "Highschool" and "Fiancee" are not things that I have ever seen going well together, but that's an unrelated phenomenon.

[Lissou]

Well, in regard to your first question, she told you that a) she's interested in someone else (a female) and that person is the most important person in her life and b) she's not interested in a relationship with a male.

So I really, really fail to see the point in telling her you like her after she's basically rejected you already.

As for the other two, she cam out to you which is a big deal, and I don't think telling anyone else is a good idea. Keep it to yourself. If you think cheating on the fiancée is a bad idea, tell your friend, not the fiancée.

And finally... I would say go and have fun, but avoid the afterparty. You reason to go there was to be with her and that reason has pretty much vanished. So leave after prom is over, and during prom, hang out with friends.

[Aedilred]

Well, in regard to your first question, she told you that a) she's interested in someone else (a female) and that person is the most important person in her life and b) she's not interested in a relationship with a male.

On the other hand, that might be a narrow interpretation. She has, it seems, recently ended a relationship with another guy, and has said she's not looking for a boyfriend, and/but that doesn't necessarily rule out interest in men now or in future if the opportunity arose. 7th son of sons probably has a better idea about her inclinations in that direction than we do (although given high school rumour mills, maybe not; but he does at least know exactly what was said).

The sticking points are that she's interested in someone else, as has been identified, and that from your description of her she doesn't sound like someone you really want to be in a relationship with anyway (if some of these things you've heard, and they might very well not be). Being interested in someone else isn't necessarily as fundamental a problem as it might appear - it's entirely possible for people to come to terms with such situations and find happiness in relationships elsewhere - but it is nevertheless a major problem.

Other than that I pretty much echo Knaight's advice.

[D20ragon]

This isn't a woe per say, and I'm actually grateful for what I've got, but does anyone feel like taking some time out of their busy schedule and help me brainstorm punny and/or adorable ways to invite cuddling?
I suppose I can be straightforward and have it work too, but puns and adorable-ness is always better.
Any suggestions?

[Coidzor]

This isn't a woe per say, and I'm actually grateful for what I've got, but does anyone feel like taking some time out of their busy schedule and help me brainstorm punny and/or adorable ways to invite cuddling?
I suppose I can be straightforward and have it work too, but puns and adorable-ness is always better.
Any suggestions?

Need more context.

[D20ragon]

Ummmm.... Known her 6 years, crushed on her 3, been with her for around a year, depending.
(There was a nasty moment when I though I was moving due to life ****, but it came and went and we're back together.)
Anywho, it's not important, just thought I'd ask.

[Coidzor]

I'm in a bit of a situation, a situation I wholly admit to forcing on myself, but not one I think I was fully prepared for. I need assistence, any advice is helpful.

Here's the Situation:
I like a girl. Have liked for about three years now. We've been friends, but not great friends, but we're friendly enough. I was in the process of attempting to ask her to prom, I went to her best friend and asked her if she was going with anyone, to which her friend replied she was going with her boyfriend. Not entirely upset, because nothing really happened, I was met with a pleasent suprise when a few days later, she approached me and asked if I would like to take her to prom, saying she had recently broken up with her boyfriend. Of course, I was more than Happy too.

Here's where the story gets hard. She's always had a sort of reputation as a girl who sleeps around, drinks, drugs, you know the type. I had always known about it, chose to ignore it, because I was infatuated with her. After asking me to prom, she also asked if I would be attending an "after-prom rager", which I came to found meant a party with drinking, drugs, music, what-have-you. I'm not much for partying, but if it meant a longer date with my three year crush, I was down for it.

A few days past, and we where talking about some stupid stuff going around on the highschool rumour mill, came out and told me she was in love with another girl, but said other girl was currently engaged to her Girlfriend. She said the situation involved said other girl being in love with her as well, but being in love with her girlfriend more so. She said this girl was the most important person in her life, and that she couldn't see her life without her. I tol a story my mom had been telling me since I was born, of a similar situation between her and my father in law, ending said story with what my mom had always told me "Don't regret your first love, but know they won't be your last". She was greatful for me opening up to her like that, telling her a very emotional story from a very Sh*tty time in my life. She said she admired me, and I returned the favour. I felt like it was my chance, but I didn't tell her how I felt, not with her in the mindset she was in.

At the same time, one of her friends had apparently told her I wasbringing condoms to prom (which was and is, untrue). She contacted me through Facebook, asking me about it, seeming very mad at the idea. I explained how it was all untrue, how she was, in fact, my first date period, and that I had no such plans or expectations of myself, or of her. She took it well enough, but durin the conversation, she brought up how she didn't want a boyfriend. All the while, more rumours of her "partners" continued to surface, including those of her and the girl she claimed to be in love with, getting together even now, when she's engaged. The whole while, I'm nervous about Prom, and about what could go on, and about how the other woman and her fiancee wouldd be attending the prom as well.

At the end of the day, here's where I need advice:
1.) Should I tell her that I like her? Should I tell her now? At the Prom? After Prom? During the Party? How should I tell her? this is easily my worst area of Highschool social living.

2.) How do I deal with this other girl and her fiancee. It's not fair for the fiancee to not know whats going on, but at the same time it's not my business.

3.) Is it worth going to Prom if she and the other girl might end up just getting together there, as so many seem to believe? What about the stigma about her and her... escapades? should I be intimidated if something does come up?

1. Well, ideally you'd tell her that you had been crushing on her from afar but that the contact you've had with her recently and actually spending any real length of time with her has caused you to be so disgusted by her that you can no longer continue the association, but, let's face it, actually pulling that off properly would require too much in the way of timing and would be completely ruined if she decided to try to claw out your eyes. I mean, I suppose you could have a frank discussion of why she asked you to prom in the first place if you're not good friends and she's not interested in you and deal with the fallout from that.

As for timing, telling her at Prom would be horrible timing, telling her after Prom would be horrible timing and you probably wouldn't have any actual opportunity to do so, especially if she ends up playing tonsil hockey with some other girl's fiance, and telling her during the party would be an inappropriate venue for airing such feelings.

2. Do you actually have anything confirmed or is it the same kind of BS rumor that these horrible little children start for fun about one another and you? Do you have any obligation to this other person as a friend? Because considering the bit where you didn't know she had a boyfriend in the first place, it sounds like you're thankfully distant from these people but not distant enough.

3. Well, on the one hand, if you made a commitment you should usually stick by your word if possible. On the other hand, there's no real sense in being a beard and getting completely ignored while you're at it. What about the stigma about her and her reputation for horribly skuzzy underaged sex? You're not going to have sex with her, she's made that clear in several ways, most notably by getting pissed off at you for the very idea of having condoms with you, when, frankly, any young man looking out for his mates would have a few spares to lend on the off-chance anyway.

[D20ragon]

Ummmm.... Known her 6 years, crushed on her 3, been with her for around a year, depending.
(There was a nasty moment when I though I was moving due to life ****, but it came and went and we're back together.)
Anywho, it's not important, just thought I'd ask.

Ah. Also, if this helps any, she's short(short enough for me to rest my chin on her head :3), occasionally likes to stab things, puts up with my geekery, and is generally adorable.

[Lissou]

On the other hand, that might be a narrow interpretation. She has, it seems, recently ended a relationship with another guy, and has said she's not looking for a boyfriend, and/but that doesn't necessarily rule out interest in men now or in future if the opportunity arose.

Well, the fact that her "I'm not interested in a boyfriend" came when she thought he was going to bring condoms makes it pretty clear to me that while she might not be against dating a male again at some point, she's not interested in him. Since they're friends, it's quite possible she tried to phrase it in such a way that it wouldn't be hurt, but the fact that when she heard the rumor, she called him right away to tell him she wasn't interested makes it pretty clear to me that no matter what she wants, it's not him.

[Knaight]

Well, the fact that her "I'm not interested in a boyfriend" came when she thought he was going to bring condoms makes it pretty clear to me that while she might not be against dating a male again at some point, she's not interested in him.

Honestly, the condom thing doesn't read that way at all to me. Seeing how offended she was at the very implication, I'd suggest that she sees the rumors being spread about her as malicious (which, even if they are completely true*, is a pretty fair reading). The alleged condom bringing could then easily be read as someone buying into the rumors and just looking to get laid, with no interest in her, or even feigned interest in her.

In short, I think she has a sore point there. People tend to have those when they have malicious rumors spread regarding them, and it's an entirely understandable reaction.

*This is a really low probability scenario. "Completely true Highschool rumors" is basically an oxymoron.

[Coidzor]

Honestly, the condom thing doesn't read that way at all to me. Seeing how offended she was at the very implication, I'd suggest that she sees the rumors being spread about her as malicious (which, even if they are completely true*, is a pretty fair reading). The alleged condom bringing could then easily be read as someone buying into the rumors and just looking to get laid, with no interest in her, or even feigned interest in her.

In short, I think she has a sore point there. People tend to have those when they have malicious rumors spread regarding them, and it's an entirely understandable reaction.

*This is a really low probability scenario. "Completely true Highschool rumors" is basically an oxymoron.

It also suggests that if he had a shot it's been poisoned anyway, and the rest of it makes it sound like he never had one to begin with.

Ah. Also, if this helps any, she's short(short enough for me to rest my chin on her head :3), occasionally likes to stab things, puts up with my geekery, and is generally adorable.

So you've been dating her for a year, getting stabbed occasionally, and still don't know how to ask for cuddles?

[D20ragon]

It also suggests that if he had a shot it's been poisoned anyway, and the rest of it makes it sound like he never had one to begin with.



So you've been dating her for a year, getting stabbed occasionally, and still don't know how to ask for cuddles?

No, I already said I can be straightforward and have it work out.
All I was asking for was help being punny and or adorable.

[Terrador]

It just really shows up when I'm trying to ask her out. I talk to her normally on nearly everything, but whevener I want to make a move, I just... can't. Heck, it even shows up when I'm typing. I think about her, my typing slows down. I have to think things through otherwise I'll repeat myself and type (or say) the same thing twice.

In your shoes, I'd try typing it out and giving it to her, complete with the explanation that you get too nervous to make it come out right in person. If she's interested, she'll think it's cute; if not, it might seem pathetic, but you always run the risk of somebody being judgmental like that when you ask them out.

*sandcrabs out*

[unbeliever536]

This isn't a woe per say, and I'm actually grateful for what I've got, but does anyone feel like taking some time out of their busy schedule and help me brainstorm punny and/or adorable ways to invite cuddling?
I suppose I can be straightforward and have it work too, but puns and adorable-ness is always better.
Any suggestions?

1) Open arms.

2) Walk foreward.

3) Make contact.

4) Close arms.

(Being absurdly direct is also absurdly adorable)

[D20ragon]

True!

(sorry if I'm belittling the thread. I figured this would count as relationship advice?)

[Themrys]

True!

(sorry if I'm belittling the thread. I figured this would count as relationship advice?)

Well, I was once asked for a hug with the words "I need to hug people who wear green, blue, red and yellow to break a curse, and I still need someone green". I doubt, however, that this can be used if you're not on a larp.



Just offer free hugs?

[Aedilred]

1) Open arms.

2) Walk foreward.

3) Make contact.

4) Close arms.

(Being absurdly direct is also absurdly adorable)

With that approach, at least some of the time you're going to get a response somewhere along the lines of "arghohgodgetawayfromme". Not everyone likes being hugged.

[unbeliever536]

With that approach, at least some of the time you're going to get a response somewhere along the lines of "arghohgodgetawayfromme". Not everyone likes being hugged.

True, but this was specifically in reference to D20's SO.

[D20ragon]

Aye, indeed it 'twas.
Don't worry, she's very huggable.
*general squealing and exclaiming over her adorableness*
Too bad though. I'm going to have to move pretty soon, and long distance doesn't work too good. Oh well. Good thing that we're both the way we are, we should be able to handle drifting apart/breaking up pretty well. Both being young and flighty doesn't hurt either.
We've done that before, then gotten back together.

[Aedilred]

True, but this was specifically in reference to D20's SO.

So long as he knows that's what she wants. I had a girlfriend who didn't like being touched, let alone hugged, by anyone who wasn't me (including her family), and even that exception disappeared over time, rather more quickly than she eventually admitted to.

[Grytorm]

I feel a little like talking but I don't know what about. Perhaps I am considering posting here because I want to save mental energy by not thinking to deeply on related ideas that seem a tad more difficult.

I wonder what to talk about, I have no particular romantic interests right now even if in a way I am interested in dating. And I don't know how to pursue potential dates and I wonder if active and continuous attempts to find a romantic interest would be particularly productive. Although it is kind of sad that I often become attracted to girls who interact with me regularly.

The closest I have ever come to a romantic entanglement problem was a girl I knew who I was and still am attracted to. When I first met her I largely interacted with her in the context of a single class where she typically sat next to a gay frein d of hers and the spent a lot of time holding hands with each other. Two years later I learned he was gay but by then the girl was already dating someone. Oh well. What's worse is she could be argued to be my best friend (even though that is not saying much) because we walked together at High School graduation and she worked with me for several months as a coordinator for a fundraising pageant at my high School.

[Coidzor]

I feel a little like talking but I don't know what about. Perhaps I am considering posting here because I want to save mental energy by not thinking to deeply on related ideas that seem a tad more difficult.

I wonder what to talk about, I have no particular romantic interests right now even if in a way I am interested in dating. And I don't know how to pursue potential dates and I wonder if active and continuous attempts to find a romantic interest would be particularly productive. Although it is kind of sad that I often become attracted to girls who interact with me regularly.

The closest I have ever come to a romantic entanglement problem was a girl I knew who I was and still am attracted to. When I first met her I largely interacted with her in the context of a single class where she typically sat next to a gay frein d of hers and the spent a lot of time holding hands with each other. Two years later I learned he was gay but by then the girl was already dating someone. Oh well. What's worse is she could be argued to be my best friend (even though that is not saying much) because we walked together at High School graduation and she worked with me for several months as a coordinator for a fundraising pageant at my high School.

Sometimes you just gotta cut to the heart of the matter.

Less sad and more expected, at least by everyone except for the girls in question for whatever reason.

I'm not quite sure how to explain gaining friends and being friends with someone, I must admit. And if that's the closest thing you have to a friendship, let alone a best friend...

Is there really no one you hang out with or regularly socialize with? :/

[Grytorm]

Sometimes you just gotta cut to the heart of the matter.

Less sad and more expected, at least by everyone except for the girls in question for whatever reason.

I'm not quite sure how to explain gaining friends and being friends with someone, I must admit. And if that's the closest thing you have to a friendship, let alone a best friend...

Is there really no one you hang out with or regularly socialize with? :/

I do regularly socialize but it is almost exclusively incidental where I encounter someone on a bus or in class. I do spend time with a decent sized group of people but never in a context of specifically spending time with them. Part of this is living in a rural area so spending time with people is somewhat difficult. And in large group social situations like MtG I do not end up in extended conversations.

[Comissar]

So... There's a girl (let's call her A) I really like at my uni, I've been friends with her more or less since the first day and we've shared a house along with two other friends, one guy one girl (B and C, respectively), for the best part of two years. I've had a crush on her from fairly early on in the course, but I had a tough time vocalising it. Last year, I finally confided in Housemate C about how I felt. She commented that it had seemed obvious to her during the first year how I felt, but when I'd done nothing about it she began to think she had been mistaken. Housemate C agreed to help me let A know how I felt and spoke to A privately about it after I managed to not say anything again for the umpteenth time, I wasn't privy to this conversation personally. The next day A hung back during the walk into uni to talk to me about it, she let me know that she was only really interested in being friends, which I was willing, and still am willing, to accept. We kind of dropped the topic after she said that and it's not come up again since.

Skip ahead a year to now, I'm still very much feeling attracted to her, but the last thing I want to do is flat out ignore her wishes to just remain friends. During a residential field trip about a week ago, it was on my mind a lot. This year is the last of the uni course, and at this point we only really have the exams left to go. We don't live near each other in our home towns, so there's unlikely to be a whole lot of contact beyond general facebooking once the course has finished.

It occured to me while I was on my field trip that I never really got to say my piece, it was Housemate C that let A know how I felt, and when A and I talked about it, I let her say her bit and then let it drop. I'm not expecting her to suddenly do a complete 180 if I do just say to her how I feel, but I do kind of think it would give me some closure to do so.

The reason I'm posting this here is that I'm worried about what the consequences of doing so would be. It really is a topic that's been lying untouched for a good year now. I value A's friendship a great deal, and I don't want to end up pushing her away or making her feel uncomfortable by saying something stupid.

I kind of feel like I want to say something, but I think it's also a really bad idea to do so. So, uh, any advice?