Relationship Woes and Advice 25: Now with extra Valentine

[Cyber Punk]

Not really a woe, more of a rant of sorts (if you could call it a rant).

IRL, I'm focusing on my academics and my friendships, and I'm not looking for a relationship. I've been in some, but these days I feel I should build myself up first before thinking about entering another relationship. (Also, no one has caught my eye as of recent...)

Why did I start with that? Well, I've discovered that I'm crushing on someone in this forum. Past experience has taught me that forum dating can be a bad idea. In hindsight, I was in denial. I didn't think we were dating, but we were.

Thoughts?

[Crow]

Not really a woe, more of a rant of sorts (if you could call it a rant).

IRL, I'm focusing on my academics and my friendships, and I'm not looking for a relationship. I've been in some, but these days I feel I should build myself up first before thinking about entering another relationship. (Also, no one has caught my eye as of recent...)

Why did I start with that? Well, I've discovered that I'm crushing on someone in this forum. Past experience has taught me that forum dating can be a bad idea. In hindsight, I was in denial. I didn't think we were dating, but we were.

Thoughts?

Awwww, I'm sorry Eagle, but I'm taken.

[Aedilred]

Awwww, I'm sorry Eagle, but I'm taken.

Now you tell me!

We probably need a new thread.

[Crow]

Now you tell me!

Well you're well-acquainted with Selene!

[Gritmonger]

So, to update on situation: I met a girl. It's kind of sweet, and a bit awkward, and there's a very large age gap, and I just moved away from my wife less than a month ago but I think I feel good about it :D

I realize I should probably be worried that I'm just rebounding, or looking for a surrogate, but it doesn't feel like that's what's happening.
We're both volunteers at our local student house, but in different departments and she knows about my "baggage", which at first was kinda intimidating obviously but I think we agreed that we want to explore this a bit further regardless. Of course, we're still at the point of mostly texting/flirting over the phone so it's all very new. We had a sort-of impromptu date monday which I think went rather well, but due to exams we probably won't see each other until friday and we'll both be busy working then so that's probably not going to be more than a high-five and long glances as we pass by each other, but we have a real date on Tuesday and I can't wait :)
Honestly, I just want to say "screw this exam" and ask her to meet me somewhere fun so we can get to learn to know one another right now, but I guess I just have to be patient.

You know the drill, especially with regards to a marriage - you aren't you when you're rebounding. I learned that a lot of what I thought were my behaviors were not me at all. They were me reacting to or emulating behaviors of my ex. Turns out I'm actually a much nicer person than I thought originally.

Couple that with how we tend to behave when we start dating, and the oblivious nature of overlooking flaws in the heat of the moment.. it more often than not is a casserole of doom.

[Driderman]

You know the drill, especially with regards to a marriage - you aren't you when you're rebounding. I learned that a lot of what I thought were my behaviors were not me at all. They were me reacting to or emulating behaviors of my ex. Turns out I'm actually a much nicer person than I thought originally.

Couple that with how we tend to behave when we start dating, and the oblivious nature of overlooking flaws in the heat of the moment.. it more often than not is a casserole of doom.

I don't think you and I necessarily agree on what the goal of dating is. I'm looking to put myself out there again, meet someone nice and have good times with her. What happens long-term is obviously WAY too early to consider, especially considering my situation and she knows this and is cool with it, so I'm not that worried. But obviously I need to be aware what we're potentially getting into.

[Gritmonger]

I don't think you and I necessarily agree on what the goal of dating is. I'm looking to put myself out there again, meet someone nice and have good times with her. What happens long-term is obviously WAY too early to consider, especially considering my situation and she knows this and is cool with it, so I'm not that worried. But obviously I need to be aware what we're potentially getting into.

K. Just saying, having been there, I wasn't me. So I wouldn't have been sure who was having fun.

[Driderman]

K. Just saying, having been there, I wasn't me. So I wouldn't have been sure who was having fun.

Your input is certainly appreciated

[Jay R]

Honestly, I just want to say "screw this exam" and ask her to meet me somewhere fun so we can get to learn to know one another right now, but I guess I just have to be patient.

There are two issues here. Everyone's focusing on one of them, so let's start with that one:

A rebound relationship has a low probability of becoming permanent. It might be temporary and unimportant in the long run. It might be temporary but beneficial. It might even become a long-term relationship. So what? Accept the odds, and roll the dice.

"Love is the most damnable, gut-wrenching, soul-wracking game there is. But it's also the only game with a payoff worth playing for. Hit me again."

Now, let's get to the urgent issue:

NEVER say, "screw my current plan for my life" for a date. The exam cannot be postponed. The date can. The desire to have fun instead of doing the next step in your advancement is a temptation. Resist it.

[Driderman]

There are two issues here. Everyone's focusing on one of them, so let's start with that one:

A rebound relationship has a low probability of becoming permanent. It might be temporary and unimportant in the long run. It might be temporary but beneficial. It might even become a long-term relationship. So what? Accept the odds, and roll the dice.

"Love is the most damnable, gut-wrenching, soul-wracking game there is. But it's also the only game with a payoff worth playing for. Hit me again."

Now, let's get to the urgent issue:

NEVER say, "screw my current plan for my life" for a date. The exam cannot be postponed. The date can. The desire to have fun instead of doing the next step in your advancement is a temptation. Resist it.

I just said I felt like saying "screw it" to my exam, not that I was actually going to do it

But I'm all for taking a chance at a new relationship because as you say, it does not have to be permanent to be beneficial, for the both of us. I trust myself not to be a jerk about it, at any rate.

[Castaras]

So, who's creating the new thread, seeing as you're at 51 pages?

[Aedilred]

So, who's creating the new thread, seeing as you're at 51 pages?

I've done it, in lieu of anyone else doing so. Taking suggestions as to title.