The Transcription of the Stick

[Aveline]

I propose we create a style guide, possibly in an ancillary thread, and systematically review all transcriptions.

[Caerulea]

I propose we create a style guide, possibly in an ancillary thread, and systematically review all transcriptions.

No need for an ancillary thread.

The style is mostly fine I think, but I would propose a few things:

Not "translating" dwarvish accents.

Use of </flashback> and </cutaway> rather than <end flashback> and <cutback>.

[Also that would be a lot of work for Wombat, if we changed anything.]

—Caerulea

[Jaxzan Proditor]

So is "car park", and that didn't stop the US Harry Potter publishers from feeling they had to translate it into American ("parking lot").

Grey Wolf

I don’t really think that “car park” is idiomatic; that’s one of those things I would label under “dialect”. Granted, I know that some idioms are particular to a dialect, and those I might call worthy of translation, but in this case I think “murder a decent pint” is valid for an American English dialect and doesn’t need translation.

In general, I believe we translate Durkon’s accent so it’s easier to search, so I’d be in favor of still doing that going forward. However, getting too aggressive with translating it will have the opposite effect, which is why I’d like to leave idioms as they are unless they truly don’t make sense directly in English.

[Grey_Wolf_c]

I don’t really think that “car park” is idiomatic; that’s one of those things I would label under “dialect”. Granted, I know that some idioms are particular to a dialect, and those I might call worthy of translation, but in this case I think “murder a decent pint” is valid for an American English dialect and doesn’t need translation.

It is a very British thing to say.

Grey Wolf

[Jaxzan Proditor]

It is a very British thing to say.

Grey Wolf

Oh, I definitely agree with you on that. I just don’t think it’s uniquely British, or rather that an American wouldn’t use the phrase.

[Grey_Wolf_c]

Oh, I definitely agree with you on that. I just don’t think it’s uniquely British, or rather that an American wouldn’t use the phrase.

And nothing stops Americans from using the phrase "Car Park" and yet...

Grey Wolf

[Jaxzan Proditor]

And nothing stops Americans from using the phrase "Car Park" and yet...

Grey Wolf

I think the main difference I see is that while “car park” could be used, it isn’t, and it’s not a widely recognized phrase over here, while “murder” is used in the other sense and would be recognized as such.

[Grey_Wolf_c]

I think the main difference I see is that while “car park” could be used, it isn’t, and it’s not a widely recognized phrase over here, while “murder” is used in the other sense and would be recognized as such.

I'm sorry, but this makes no sense. Americas do indeed use both "car" and "park" in other contexts, just as they use "murder" and "beer" in other contexts. Put them together, and in America it doesn't mean the same as in Britain, because in America is not usually put together at all. It has clearly caused confusion amongst readers not familiar with that British turn of phrase, with at least on person wondering if it was a typo. I can equally imagine someone confused about what a car park might be - it certianly could be confused with a open air car exhibition or a park you have to drive to, just like they have (had?) cinemas you drive to.

There is nothing substantially different between the Britishism "car park" and the britishism "murder a pint".

Grey Wolf

[Jaxzan Proditor]

Maybe it’s just that the people I’m familiar with are more apt to use that Britishism than the average American, but I have definitely heard murder and food in the same context, whereas I’ve definitely not heard car park. If my experience is aberrational, however, than I can agree to translating “murder a decent pint”.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

No need for an ancillary thread.

The style is mostly fine I think, but I would propose a few things:

Not "translating" dwarvish accents.

Use of </flashback> and </cutaway> rather than <end flashback> and <cutback>.

[Also that would be a lot of work for Wombat, if we changed anything.]

—Caerulea

I modeled a lot of the project on the original threads that came before it, plus worked with several people to create the format as it is. While I get wanting to change some of the formatting, its a little late in the game for it, as we have literally 1000 strips modeled after it. I do appreciate the discussion, however. Sorry I've been so absent...I appreciate that this thread has some forward motion and discussion! Welcome back everyone!

[TheWombatOfDoom]

The OotS Transcript - Strips 1129 to 1142
Book 6: Utterly Dwarfed
Previous Page | Index | Next Page

Spoiler: Strip 1129

Show

Reasons Why
Durkon, Hoskin, Kandro, Logann's Mother, Priestess of Thor, Shirra, Sigdi, Thirden, Vampire Durkon, Vampiress with Curly Hair, Vampiress with Long Hair

Vampiress with Long Hair: Hel yeah! I'm gonna go get a drink!
Vampire Durkon: ...Yeah. OK, yeah, do that.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: *Whew!*
<cutaway>
Vampire Durkon: This doesn't make any...logical sense. Why would someone give up living like a princess to raise five total strangers from tha dead? Explain this!!
(V): This does not make any...logical sense. Why would someone give up living like a princess to raise five total strangers from the dead? Explain this!!
Durkon: ...
Durkon: Tha's how ye met Uncle Squeaky an' Hoskin an' tha rest?? I had no idea.
(D): That's how you met Uncle Squeaky, Hoskin and the rest?? I had no idea.
Sigdi: I dinnae tell ye when ye were a wee lad 'cause I weren't sure ye'd really unnerstand.
(S): I did not tell you when you were a little boy because I was not sure you would really understand it.
Durkon: I still dinnae unnerstand!
(D): I still don't understand it!
<cutback>
Vampiress with Long Hair: Mmmmm! A simple but crisp, bold flavor, perfect for relaxing with friends. Delicious! Are the rest this tasty?
<cutaway>
<flashback>
Hoskin: We're alive?
Logann's Mother: My family line almost ended with me.
Thirden: I almost died as a miner. Screw it, I'm going back to bard college and finishing my training.
Shirra: I'm gonna sue the pants off that mining company! They'll be taking orders from me when I'm through with 'em!
Kandro: Lass, I'm just glad ta get a do-over ta get inta Valhalla. Praise Thor!
(K): Girl, I'm just glad to get a do-over to get into Valhalla. Praise Thor!
Priestess of Thor: You should make sure to thank the Sergeant here, too. She's the one who donated the diamonds we needed.
Sigdi: Och, no, ye dinnae need ta tell 'em tha!
(S): Oh, no, you didn't need to tell them that!
Hoskin: Uh, hullo. Have we...met?
(H): Uh, hello. Have we...met before?
Sigdi: Uh, well...Na. N b'fore now. Sergeant Sigdi Thundershield, Special Threat Response Squadron. Uh, retired, I s'ppose. But...what I'd really like would be findin' out more aboot all o' ye. How aboot ye all join me at me cave fer dinner t'morrow night, an' we can get ta know each other?
(S): Uh, well...No. Not before now. Sergeant Sigdi Thundershield, Special Threat Response Squadron. Uh, retired, I suppose. But...what I would really like would be finding out more about all of you. How about you all join me at my cave for dinner tomorrow night, and we can get to know each other?
Kandro: Och, it'd be me honor, Miss.
(K): Oh, it would be my honor, Miss.
Shirra: Count us in, too!
Hoskin: Aye. I'd like tha.
(H): Yes. I would like that.
Thirden: Hmmm, well, I had been planning to hold my funeral then, but it looks like my calendar just opened up.
<end flashback>
Sigdi: An' tha's how we started meetin' 'ere ev'ry week. I guess since tha donation were ta tha church, technic'lly, they put me name on tha wall. So...mystery solved!
(S): And that's how we started meeting here every week. I guess since the donation was to the church, technically, they put my name on the wall. So...mystery solved!
Durkon: Ma, how could ye do tha?!?! Ye dinnae know them! Wha if'n they were bad dwarves?
(D): Mother, how could you do that?!?! Yo did not know them! What if they were bad dwarves?
Sigdi: But they weren't. An' ye ferget, I was a warrior back then. Like I'd tell ye when ye were actin' up as a lad: I brought ye inta this world, an' I can take ye back out, too.
(S): But they weren't. And don't you forget it, I was a warrior back then. Like I would tell you when you were acting up as a boy: I brought you into this world, and I can take you back out, too.
Durkon: Yer missin' tha point! Tha high priest o' Odin's more powerful. 'E coulda used those diamonds ta bring back Pa!
(D): You are missing the point! The High Priest of Odin is more powerful. He could have used those diamonds to bring back Father!
Sigdi: Och, Durkon, yer a cleric now. I thought ye'd get it. Yer pa died a hero. 'E's up in Valhalla, drinkin' wit Thor. Wha was I gonna do, pull 'im outta paradise when five others right in front o' me were damned ta Hel thru na fault o' their own?
(S): Oh, Durkon, you are a cleric now. I thought you would get it. Your father died as a hero. He is up in Valhalla, drinking with Thor. What was I gonna do, pull him out of paradise when five others right in front of me were damned to Hel through no fault of their own?
Durkon: But...but ye loved 'im! Dinnae ye? An' ye just let 'im go like that?
(D): But...but you loved him! Didn't you? And you just let him go like that?
Sigdi: I NEVER LET GO!
<flashback>
Sigdi: <voiceover> I ne'er let go.
(S): <voiceover> I never let go.
<end flashback>
Durkon: But Ma...ye coulda...they coulda fixed yer arm wit tha money. Ye've been strugglin' all these years...
(D): But Mother...you could have...they could have fixed your arm with the money. You have been struggling all these years...
Sigdi: An' wha kinda dwarf would I be if'n I did tha? If'n I put me happiness ahead o' tha lives - tha very souls - o' five others? Sometimes, bein' a dwarf means takin' feelings like tha an' burying 'em inna deep dark part o' yer soul - an' ne'er ev'r talkin' aboot 'em again. 'Cept mebbe wit yer son, when 'e's old enuff.
(S): And what kind of dwarf would I be if I did that? If I put my happiness ahead of the lives - the very souls - of five others? Sometimes, being a dwarf means taking feelings like that and burying them into deep dark part of your soul - and never ever talking about them again. Except maybe with your son, when he is old enough.
<cutback>
Vampiress with Long Hair: Oh, wow. Subtle, but with so many complex undertones. Seriously, Boss, I can't believe you ate this well on the flight up....Boss?

Spoiler: Strip 1130

Show

Better Days
Belkar, Durkon, Mr. Scruffy, Vampire Durkon, Vampiress with Curly Hair, Vampiress with Long Hair

Vampire Durkon: This... I don't...understand. This doesn't make sense!
Durkon: ...
Vampire Durkon: Don't give me the silent treatment! The battle is over, your side lost, now explain this!
<cutaway>
Vampiress with Long Hair: Hello? Boss? You in there?
Vampiress with Curly Hair: What's going on?
Vampiress with Long Hair: Dunno. Maybe he's meditating or something? I'm just glad he didn't space out like this during the fight.
Mr. Scruffy: mrrrrew.
<cutback>
Durkon: Thar's na much ta explain. Ye told me b'fore tha ye are who ye are on tha worst day o' yer life. An' tha's true. Tha's 100% true. But ye know who else ye are? Ye are who ye are on tha next day.
(D): There is not much to explain. You told me before that you are who you are on the worst day of your life. And this is true. This is 100% true. But you know who else you are? You are who you are on the next day.
<cutaway>
Mr. Scruffy: mrrrrrrrrrrrew.
<cutback>
Durkon: Tha day ye wake up an' haf ta decide: are ye gonna make this tha new worst day o' yer life, or na? An' ye are who ye are tha day after tha, which can also be yer new worst...or na.
(D): That day you wake up and have to decide: are you gonna make this the new worst day of your life, or not? And you are who you are the day after that, which can also be your new worst day...or not.
<cutaway>
Mr. Scruffy: rrawr?!?
<cutback>
Durkon: Ye are who ye are on all o' yer days. All o' em. includin' tha worst an' tha best. Ev'ry single one counts. All tha way ta tha end.
(D): You are who you are on all of your days. All of them. including the worst and the best. Every single one counts. All the way to the end.
<cutaway>
Mr. Scruffy: meoww! meoww! meoww!
Vampiress with Long Hair: Look, I get it - babies are cute. But you really gotta focus here, Boss.
Belkar: RAAAARRRRGH!!!!
Vampiress with Long Hair: Ahhhhhh!
<cutback>
Durkon: An' when ye haf a new worst day, ye can get stuck thar, lookin' back on it and worryin'. An' tha's normal. But sooner or later, ye gotta take all tha pain an' do sumthin' wit it. Try ta make sumthin' better outta it.
(D): And when you have a new worst day, you can get stuck there, looking back on it and worrying. And this is normal. But sooner or later, you had to take all that pain and do something with it. Try to make something better out of it.
<cutaway>
Vampiress with Long Hair: Har- *lllrgh!*
<sfx> KRYLLTCH!
<cutback>
Vampire Durkon: What does this have to do with-
Durkon: My mother turned tha worst thing tha could ev'r happen ta anyone inta tha best thing tha could happen ta anyone. Ta five anyones. An' I turned tha worst thing ta happen ta me inta savin' tha world from people like ye.
(D): My mother turned the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone into the best thing that could happen to anyone. To five anyones. And I turned the worst thing that happen to me into saving the world from people like you.
<cutaway>
Belkar: You. YOU!
<cutback>
Vampire Durkon: But why...why do I feel this way? On the inside? Like I'm...twisting up? Why do I feel anything at all?? I don't understand!
Durkon: Ye cannae help it. Ye were still made to fit inta me heart, an' this moment is wha me heart is build around. Yer feelin' tha rawest, most difficult feelin' I ev'r had ta face.
(D): You can not help it. You were still made to fit into my heart, and this moment is what my heart is build around. You are feeling the rawest, most difficult feeling I ever had to face.
<cutaway>
Belkar: How dare you make me think about things, Durkon!
<cutback>
Durkon: Only tha thing is, I ain't ne'er showed ye all tha time it took me ta learn how ta process sumthin' like tha. Yer gettin' all o' tha emotions, but wit none o' tha experience dealin' wit 'em. Exactly wha our Ma were afraid would happen if'n we learned tha story too young.
(D): Only the thing is, I never showed you all the time it took me to learn how to process something like that. You are getting all of the emotions, but with none of the experience dealing witt them. Exactly what our Mother was afraid would happen if we learned that story too young.
<cutaway>
Belkar: How could you not think about how your selflessness would affect ME?!?
<cutback>
Durkon: But...I still haf all those memories. Mebbe ye want 'em now? Do ye want tha memories tha'll help how yer feelin'?
(D): But...I still have all those memories. Maybe you want them now? Do you want the memories that will help how you are feeling?
Vampire Durkon: ...Yes...
Durkon: TAKE 'EM ALL! B'cause it took me whole life ta unnerstand tha moment - an' I still have mixed feelin's aboot it somedays! So take ev'ry moment o' happiness! Ev'ry moment o' peace an' belongin' an' contentment! Ev'ry moment spent wit a family who loved me, a family who wouldnae ev'n exist witout her pain! But be careful. B'cause ye know wha ye are if'n ye haf me body an' all me joys an' sorrows? Yer me.
(D): TAKE THEM ALL! Because it took my whole life to understand that moment - and I still have mixed feelings about it somedays! So take every moment of happiness! Every moment of peace and belonging and contentment! Every moment spent with a family who loved me, a family who would not even exist without her pain! But be careful. Because you know what you are if you have my body and all my joys and sorrows? You are me.

Spoiler: Strip 1131

Show

A Heartfelt Moment
Belkar, Durkon, Vampire Durkon

Vampire Durkon: Ha! It worked! I knew thar had ta be some reason why 'e dinnae just absorb ev'rythin' tha moment 'e took over!
(V): Ha! It worked! I knew there had to be some reason why he didn't just absorb everything the moment he took over!
Durkon: Och, quit pattin' ourselves on our back an' hurry!
(D): Oh, quit patting ourselves on our back and hurry!
Vampire Durkon: Yer right. I c'n feel tha negative energy squirmin' around. Thar's no way ta know if'n this'll last.
(V): You are right. I can feel the negative energy squirming around. There is no way to know if this will last.
Durkon: Ye know wha we haf ta do.
(D): You know what we have to do.
Vampire Durkon: Aye.
(V): Yes.
<cutaway>
Vampire Durkon: Take 'im. Dismiss Anti-Life Shell.
(V): Take him. Dismiss Anti-Life Shell.
<sfx> SHTHNK.
Belkar: And that's how you kill a vampire cleric without dying, MORON!

Spoiler: Strip 1132

Show

Afterdeath
Durkon, Minrah

<sfx> PINGG!!
Durkon: We did it! We're free! Ha ha! I mean...I'm free. I guess it just be me again. Feels good ta move me arms an' legs fer-
(D): We did it! We're free! Ha ha! I mean...I'm free. I guess it just be me again. Feels good to move my arms and legs for-
<sfx> WHOP!
Minrah: What are you doing here?? Was killing me not enough? Did you need to Plane Shift up here to finish me off?!? I may not have a hammer here in the Afterlife, but I still have my fists!
<sfx> POW!
Durkon: OW!
Minrah: I carry my fists in my heart!!
Durkon: Stop! STOP! Lass, I ain't who ye think I be!
(D): Stop! STOP! Girl, I am not who you think I am!
Minrah: I think you're Durkon Thundershield.
Durkon: Och, OK. But tha's more common than ye'd think. I'm na a vampire. Look: Me teeth're square. Me eyes ain't red.
(D): Oh, OK. But that's more common than you would think. I'm not a vampire. Look: My teeth are square. My eyes aren't red.
Minrah: You could be using disguise magic.
Durkon: Wouldnae've disguised meself as someone else alt'gether?
(D): Wouldn't I have disguised myself as someone else altogether?
Minrah: ...Very low level disguise magic.
Durkon: Lass, I'm dead, just like ye are. Truth is, I been dead a while now, but me soul only just got free an' clear. Tha vampire's been walkin around inside me corpse, pretendin' ta be me an' holding me spirit hostage.
(D): Girl, I'm dead, just like you are. Truth is, I have been dead a while now, but my soul only just got free and clear. The vampire has been walking around inside my corpse, pretending to be me and holding my spirit hostage.
Minrah: Wait, is that how vampirism works? But what about-
Durkon: Och, it's messy. How aboot we na get inta it right now?
(D): Oh, it's messy. How about we not get into it right now?
Minrah: Alright, well...I guess what you're saying makes sense. But if you turn out to be evil, I reserve the right to resume punching you very hard in the face.
Durkon: Aye, tha's fair. Tell tha truth, I been wantin' ta punch me own smug face in tha face fer days.
(D): Yes, that's fair. Tell the truth, I have been wanting to punch my own smug face in the face for days.
Minrah: Uh, OK. Does everyone on your group have weird emotional issues?
Durkon: Eh, tha cat's prob'ly fine.
(D): Eh, the cat is probably fine.

Spoiler: Strip 1133

Show

Call Answering
Durkon, Minrah

Minrah: I guess this is...Valhalla? I don't think it's Hel, unless we've been seriously misled on the teeth-gnashing-to-fluffiness ratio there.
Durkon: Ye know, I haf a human friend named Roy who-
(D): You know, I have a human friend named Roy who-
Minrah: I know who Roy is.
Durkon: Right, right. Sorry. Anyway, 'e were dead earlier this year. 'E told me 'e started out up in tha clouds b'fore gettin' let inta tha Afterlife proper by a deva. Mebbe tha's wha this is. Tho I dinnae see anyone ta judge us.
(D): Right, right. Sorry. Anyway, he was dead earlier this year. He told me he started out up in the clouds before getting let into the Afterlife proper by a deva. Maybe that's what this is. Though I don't see anyone to judge us.
Minrah: They could be in that tower over there? Come on, let's check it out. So...if you're up here, does that mean our side won?
Durkon: Aye, think so. Thanks fer helpin' me friends out when I couldnae.
(D): Yes, think so. Thanks for helping my friends out when I couldn't.
Minrah: I don't know how much I helped, to be honest. I spent my whole life training to vanquish the forces of evil - and the moment something more threatening than a kobold shows up, I died. Not exactly distinguishing myself, you know?
Durkon: As far as I c'n tell, ye answered tha call when it came - unannounced, in tha middle o' tha night. Dinnae get much more distinguish'd than tha. 'Course, even with us dead, thar's still more ta do down thar b'fore tha world's safe. Thar still be vampires lookin' ta swing tha Council o' Clans.
(D): As far as I can tell, you answered the call when it came - unannounced, in the middle of the night. Don't get much more distinguished than that. Of course, even with us dead, there is still more to do down there before the world is safe. There is still vampires looking to swing the Council of Clans.
Minrah: I guess...I guess they'll have to win that fight without us, then.
Durkon: Och, lass, I dinnae go thru all tha trouble ta keep sittin' on tha bench! Thar wouldnae ev'n be no danger if'n it weren't fer me. I mean, tha vampire me.
(D): Oh, girl, I didn't go through all that trouble to keep sitting on the bench! There wouldn't even be a danger if it wasn't for me. I mean, the vampire me.
Minrah: Yeah, but what are you going to do about it now? You're dead!
Durkon: Like I said, Roy were dead, an' it dinnae stop 'im. Now tha me friends're free from mind control, I think they'll be working ta get me resurrected. Assumin' they rememb'r ta save a bit o' ash from me chair. An' they haf enuff diamonds fer tha spell. An' they find someone willin' an' able ta cast it. B'fore they run outta time.
(D): Like I said, Roy was dead, and it didn't stop him. Now that my friends are free from mind control, I think they'll be working to get me resurrected. Assuming they remember to save a bit of ash from my chair. And they have enough diamonds for the spell. And they find someone willing and able to cast it. Before they run out of time.
Minrah: It doesn't really sound like a very high probability of success, if you ask me.
Durkon: Dinnae get ta spent much time talkin' ta Elan, then?
(D): Didn't get to spent much time talking to Elan, then?

Spoiler: Strip 1134

Show

A Mile in His Shoes
Durkon, Minrah, Thor

Minrah: Huh. I don't see any door to knock on. Or windows, for that matter.
Durkon: Mebbe on tha other side? Let's circle 'round.
(D): Maybe on the other side? Let's circle around.
Minrah: OK, let's say your friends get all of that together for Resurrection. Are you saying you actually would go back, if they cast the spell.
Durkon: O'course! The Exarch's got some tricks up 'is sleeve tha I know Roy ain't prepared fer. Tricks I help'd 'im come up wit. Na, wait...na me. Tha vampire. Och, it's gettin' all jumbled up in me brain who did wha...
(D): Of course! The Exarch's got some tricks up his sleeve that I know Roy wasn't prepared for. Tricks that I helped him come up with. No, wait...not me. The vampire. Oh, it's getting all jumbled up in my brain who did what...
Minrah: But...you made it! You're on the cusp of Valhalla (assuming we can find a door) - what every worshipper of Thor dreams up from the time when they were a child, writing his name with hearts and stars in the margins of their notebooks! Would you cast dreams forged in glitter ink aside so easily? There's no shame in accepting a reward that's been given to you fairly.
Durkon: An' if'n they nev'r cast tha Resurrection, I will. But it seems like I haf a child o' me own, now. Ye dinnae know me, but believe me when I tell ye I've been thinkin' aboot this exact situation me entire life. Wha choice me Pa woulda made if'n given tha chance ta come back, an' wha I would do in tha same place. An' now tha it's starin' me in tha face, I feel dumb for ev'n wonderin'. I cannae leave tha wee boy down thar ta grow up only knowin' 'is pa thru stories, ev'n if'n tha fate o' tha world were na also at stake. Which, ta be clear, it totally is.
(D): And if they never cast the Resurrection, I will. But it seems like I have a child of my own, now. You don't know me, but believe me when I tell you I have been thinking about this exact situation my entire life. What choice my Father would have made if given the chance to come back, and what I would do in the same place. And now that it's staring me in the face, I feel dumb for even wondering. I can not leave the little boy down there to grow up only knowing his father through stories, even if the fate of the world was not also at stake. Which, to be clear, it totally is.
Minrah: But...what if you go back to life, and then die again - but dishonorably?
Durkon: Then I guess they'll drag me ta Hel, an' she can take 'er anger out on me in person. Tho ta be fair, I will na mind gettin' a chance ta give 'er a piece o' me mind right back. Thar's just too much at stake ta worry aboot me own eternal destination. Och, ev'n if'n we get thru this Hel stuff, thar's a whole bigger thing wit this lich named Xykon an' this big tangly thing called tha Snarl tha we need ta-
(D): Then I guess they'll drag me to Hel, and she can take her anger out on me in person. Though to be fair, I will not mind getting a chance to give her a piece of my mind right back. There is just too much at stake to worry about my own eternal destination. Oh, even if we get through this Hel stuff, there is a whole bigger thing with this lich named Xykon and this big tangly thing called the Snarl that we need to-
Thor: Oh, good. I am so glad to hear you say that, Durkon. Because seriously, dude - we need to talk.

Spoiler: Strip 1135

Show

OMG
Durkon, Minrah, Thor

Thor: There's just a lot going on, and I think it's time you-
Minrah: Aaaaaaah!
Durkon: Lord...Thor...
Thor: Oh, right. Forgot to use my For-Mortals Voice. You know what? I'll just shrink down and simplify a bit. Hold on. Here we go, this is good. Try not to wriggle too much.
Durkon: Whoa!
Thor: Let's try something relatable but still awe-inspiring.
Minrah: My lord! I beseech you to hear my humble prayer and-
Thor: Minrah, you don't have to pray. I'm right here! Just talk to me.
Minrah: Oh! Oh! He said my name. Thor knows my name!
Thor: Uh, yeah. You only ask me for spells every single morning, Minrah Elle Shaleshoe. Oh, before I forget. That thing you've been worried about for a while that you'd rather I not say out loud in front of Durkon? Cool with me. You do you, kid.
Minrah: ...This is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Thor: Ha ha, yeah, it's pretty much all downhill after your world's been Thor'd, am I right? I mean of course I'm right, duh, still a god.

Spoiler: Strip 1136

Show

Orders From the Top
Durkon, Minrah, Thor

Thor: Sorry about letting you hang for a bit when you arrived, Durkon. But in all fairness, you really took your sweet time getting up here. When did you croak, like five and a half years ago?
Durkon: Uh, I think it were only aboot a week, me lord.
(D): Uh, I think it was only about a week, my lord.
Thor: Well, still. Took forever.
Durkon: Apologies, Lord Thor. It took time ta figure out wha ta show me - I mean 'im - I mean-
(D): Apologies, Lord Thor. It took time to figure out what to show me - I mean him - I mean-
Thor: Nah, it's cool. Sorry right back at you for not being able to help you out inside your head.
Durkon: Och, it's fine, me lord. I cannae expect ye ta fight me battles fer me.
(D): Oh, it's fine, my lord. I can not expect you to fight my battles for me.
Thor: Unfortunately, I'm going to have to ask you to fight a battle for me, at least figuratively speaking. That's why I needed to know before I revealed my presence if you intended to return to the Prime if your friends call: I have a task for you. And I didn't want you to feel like I was ordering you to not enter Valhalla.
Minrah: My lord, we are your servants! Should we not gladly accept your orders?
Thor: Yeah, but I still felt weird about it. Like I'd be yanking the prize away after he finished the race.
Durkon: Lord Thor, ye'd haf ta order me na ta go back, wha wit all tha's goin' on. Me friends - and me son - need me.
(D): Lord Thor, you have to order me not to go back, what with all that's going on. My friends - and my son - need me.
Thor: Good, good. Mazel tov on the dad thing, by the way. Which reminds me: Minrah, you're pre-cleared to enter Valhalla whenever you're ready. In fact, my deva told me I was supposed to give you this coupon for a free drink upgrade on account of you being killed by a cleric of Loki.
Minrah: Oh, thank you, my lord! But...um...how do I...?
Thor: Oh, Valhalla is right down there. Just give your name to the bariaur with the pink hair and she'll let you in.
Durkon: *gasp!* Tha trees! Thar attackin' Valhalla!
(D): *gasp!* The trees! They're attacking Valhalla!
Minrah: We have to defend it!!
Thor: Ugh, can't a guy zap a pine or two without everyone making a whole dogma out of it?

Spoiler: Strip 1137

Show

But It Probably Won't Come Up
Durkon, Minrah, Thor

Thor: -and that's why you don't need to be afraid of trees.
Minrah: That makes sense.
Durkon: I unnerstand, me lord.
(D): I understand, my lord.
Thor: *sigh* Also, those are rebel trees that have turned against their evil kin to join the side of righteousness.
Minrah: Oh, good!
Durkon: I were worried thar fer a moment!
(D): I was worried there for a moment!
Thor: Well, that was fun, but off you go, Minrah. Durkon and I have a lot to discuss.
Minrah: Of course, my lord. It was an honor to-
Durkon: Um, actually, Lord Thor...would it be OK if'n she stayed?
(D): Um, actually, Lord Thor...would it be OK if she stay?
Thor: Oh?
Durkon: Och, she just died fer this cause outta nowhere. I dinnae think it'd be fair fer her ta enter Valhalla witout ev'r knowin' wha it's all aboot.
(D): Oh, she just died for this cause out of nowhere. I don't think it would be fair for her to enter Valhalla without ever knowing what it's all about.
Thor: That's a noble sentiment, Durkon, and I tend to agree. Unfortunately, some of the things I need to talk to you about involve a specific entity. A very tangled entity, if you catch my drift, and I know you do. And one of the biggest rules of the gods forbids us from talking about that entity with any mortals - even our clerics - unless they already know about it somehow.
Minrah: Tangled...is this that "Snarl" you mentioned, Durkon?
Durkon: Aye, I think so.
(D): Yes, I think so.
Thor: Oh, you already know about it?
Minrah: Only what he just said in passing while-
Thor: Good enough for me! It's a dumb rule anyway. Hop on, let's go for a god ride.
Minrah: I have literally had this dream at least a dozen times.
Durkon: Whar we goin', Lord Thor?
(D): Where are we going, Lord Thor?
Thor: The Astral Plane. There's something there that I want to show you that'll help things make more sense. But don't worry, it's not Xykon's secret astral fortress.
Durkon: ...Xykon has a...?
Thor: Oh, I probably wasn't supposed to mention that. If you hear about it later, do me a favor and act surprised, OK?

Spoiler: Strip 1138

Show

Lesson Planar
Durkon, Minrah, Planes, Thor, Thoughts

Minrah: Wooooooooo!
Durkon: *gulp*
Minrah: Yeah!
Thor: Ha ha, OK, that's enough fun for now. We need to get where we're going.
Durkon: Och, good. I dinnae know how I c'n feel so nauseous when I dinnae haf a stomach na more.
(D): Oh, good. I don't know how I can feel so nauseous when I don't have a stomach anymore.
Thor: Oh, that's not the loop-de-loops doing that, Durkon. That's you reacting to the fabric of the Astral Plane, because you have too many thoughts.
Durkon: Too...many? How c'n ye haf too many?
(D): Too...many? How can you have too many thoughts?
Thor: You've got all of yours, and then all of the vampire's, too. You mushed your minds up together real good down there, so now you're a bit too full.
Durkon: Tha's why I rememb'r everythin' 'e did like it were me, then?
(D): That's why I remember everything he did like it was me, then?
Thor: Sure. You smash a melon with a rock, the rock's gonna get some pulp on it, you know? You'll be fine.
Minrah: So, um, I have a question, if we're asking questions. What exactly is this place?
Durkon: Ye mean tha Astral Plane?
(D): You mean the Astral Plane?
Minrah: Yeah. I know I should know, but I took the abbreviated night course for the priesthood, to work around my schedule as a guard. We glossed over a lot of the metaphysical stuff to focus on turning and smiting.
Thor: It's not a problem, Minrah. The easiest way to understand it is that the Outer Planes are where all the gods and outsiders and afterlives are - and the Astral Plane is all the stuff in-between. If the Outer Planes are the panels of a comic strip, Astral Plane is all the gutters.
Minrah: Oh, sorry, I don't really read comics.
Thor: Eh, you're not missing much. The important point is, it's an endless expanse of weightless nothing that people mostly use only to get from one plane to another. No one lives here except for a few trademarked creatures that know better than to bother us.
Minrah: OK, but...what is it? What am I looking at? It's so pretty and silver, but you said it was affecting Durkon's mind?
Thor: Oh, well, it's made of thoughts. Everything out here is made of ideas, when you get right down to it. Even me! The Outer Planes are ideas that were so powerful, for better or worse, that they became places. The spirits of people who believe those things strongly are drawn to them, and help make the plane itself.
LG Plane: Truth, Justice, and the Celestial Way.
LG-NG Plane: Let's all do our part.
NG Plane: Everyone should care.
NG-CG Plane: Who's a good dog? You are!
CG Plane: Words aren't as important as people.
LG-LN Plane: The needs of the many...
CG-CN Plane: Fight the good fight.
LN Plane: There's only one right path.
TN Plane: Hey, let's not get carried away.
CN Plane: Don't you tell me what to do.
LN-LE Plane: I was just following orders.
CN-CE Plane: Lulz.
LE Plane: Yes, but if you read the fine print...
LE-NE Plane: Resistance is futile.
NE Plane: Nothing matters.
NE-CE Plane: You're bad and you should feel bad.
CE Plane: Screw you, jack, I got mine.
Thor: And the Astral is made from all the other thoughts. The ones that matter, but don't MATTER.
Thought: I need to pick up milk.
Thought: Ugh, that looks infected.
Thought: Oh god...I'm gonna - I'm gonna-
Thought: The infield fly rule.
Thought: Does this soup need more carrots?
Thor: But for our purposes, it's just a great place to stash stuff you don't want anyone else to find. Especially this far out, among the thoughts that no one even remembers.
Thought: "Further" or "farther"?
Thought: That's a great idea for a novel!
Thought: My wedding anniversary is tomorrow.
Thought: Sha Na Na.
Thought: I definitely turned the oven off.
Minrah: Thank you for explaining, Lord Thor! I found that very...uh...what's the word?
Thor: Keep looking, I'm sure it's around here somewhere.

Spoiler: Strip 1139

Show

To Remember Them By
Durkon, Minrah, Thor

Thor: We're here! This is just a little barrier we put up to keep out anyone who finds their way here by accident. Not likely on an infinite plane, but better safe than sorry. There, do you see it? That's what I wanted to show you.
Durkon: Wha is it?
(D): What is it?
Thor: A monument that no one can know about. A blank gravestone for a planet. The first world the pantheons made was destroyed - and every soul devoured - by the Snarl. A being of pure divine anger and frustration that we created by accident with our stupid petty squabbles. After it attacked, we retreated here. We build this to remind ourselves of our failure. We had a ceremony and everything. Marduk cried. Tears streaming out of all four eyes. So many existences lost forever. Because we couldn't play nice.
Durkon: Tha's why ye haf so many rules b'tween tha gods now, aye? Ta prevent yer disagreements from formin' a second Snarl.
(D): That's why you have so many rules between the gods now, right? To prevent your disagreements from forming a second Snarl.
Thor: That's right. As much as I'd love to just ignore them outright, the risk is too high. Anyway, after the first world was lost, we got together to make a second world. One that would serve both as a home for mortals as well as a dimensional prison for the Snarl, which was still rampaging around empty space. We put that world's gravestone over there.
Durkon: Lord Thor, I dinnae unnerstand. That second world...is tha na our world? Whar me an' Minrah grew up?
(D): Lord Thor, I don't understand. That second world...is that not our world? Where me and Minrah grew up?
Thor: No. The second world lasted four years before rifts formed in the fabric of the plane and the Snarl escaped, eating all of the mortals again. But we learned a lot from our mistakes and made a third world, which was stronger. That's its marker, over there.
Minrah: How many...how many worlds have the gods made?
Thor: Well, it's like my Dad says: We gods may have a lot of bad qualities - but we sure ain't quitters.

Spoiler: Strip 1140

Show

Better Left in the Past
Durkon, Minrah, Soda, Thor

Minrah: Holy You...Look at 'em all!
Durkon: Thar're millions o' 'em. Mebbe billions! More'n c'n be counted!
(D): There are millions of them. Maybe billions! More than can be counted!
Thor: Moments like this, I'm a little jealous of your mortal limitations. I can count them. I remember everyone who's ever worshipped me. Some of those worlds, we saved - by which I mean, we killed everyone but cashed out their souls before the end. Others, we didn't. And of course, we tried different things every time. That one was a gritty cyberpunk world. The one next to it was talking animals. And the one behind it was gritty cyberpunk talking animals. Your time was too short, Laser-Snail. Heck, one time we even tried a world with sentient movie theater snacks!
<flashback>
Soda: Enjoy 32 oz. of vengeance - served ice cold!
<sfx> SLICE!
<end flashback>
Thor: I mean, obviously we were scraping the bottom of the idea barrel when we came up with "self-aware stick figure fantasy parody."
Durkon: I wanna be offended by tha, but it explains so much.
(D): I want to be offended by that, but it explains so much.
Thor: We've gotten better at extending the time each world survives. We're up to a few thousand years each, give or take. But then rifts open, every time, and the Snarl starts reaching out and destroying stuff.
Durkon: So then...thar's no point. Tha cycle'll keep goin' forever. It's inevitable. Yer tellin' us we're just wastin' our time fightin' aginst it.
(D): So then...there is no point. The cycle will keep going forever. It's inevitable. You're telling us we are just wasting our time fighting against it.
Thor: What? No! The exact opposite! I wanted you to fully appreciate the scale of the problem - and the once-in-an-eternity opportunity that your specific world has given us to change things - maybe forever! It would be a real jerk move on my part to bring you all the way out here just to rub your face in the futility of it all. What kind of deity do you think I am?
Durkon: Ye did almost give me friend Elan a colon tumor wit yer automated prayer system.
(D): You almost gave my friend Elan a colon tumor with your automated prayer system.
Thor: And you "almost" didn't bring that up, but here we are.

Spoiler: Strip 1141

Show

Advanced Color Theory
Durkon, Minrah, Thor

Thor: See, there's a reason why the Snarl always break free, but it requires a little explanation to understand.
Durkon: Aye?
(D): Yes?
Thor: Do you see this yellow area surrounding me?
Durkon: Aye.
(D): Yes.
Thor: What your eyes are seeing as the color yellow is a succession of psychically charged theosophic particles - escaping the event horizon of my divine singularity at a specific wavelength determined by our shared pantheonic quiddity.
Durkon: Yer...Yer gonna haf ta make tha at least two degrees dumber fer me.
(D): You're..You're gonna have to make that at least two degrees dumber for me.
Minrah: Three would be nice.
Durkon: Aye, let's go wit three.
(D): Yes, let's go with three.
Thor: Alright, let's see. Each god in same pantheon is unique but shares a quiddity-
Durkon: Nope, dinnae know tha word.
(D): Nope, don't know the word.
Thor: -shares a...uh, let's say essence.
Thor: <voiceover> Each such essence makes a different color aura when those gods manifest. Yellow for us, blue for the Twelve Gods, red for Marduk's clan.
Thor: When one god - or even just one pantheon - creates something alone, it's ephemeral. Like these tiny images. It's little better than if it was made by a wizard. Any one of us could wave it away in an instant the first time they got mad or bored. And if you knew how many times Njord has changed his mind ten minutes after we finished, you'd know that'd never work. But when gods of different colors combine their powers, the result is something much more stable. More real. Mortals. Real, honest-to-us independent mortals, like you, who can live their lives and in return, generate what we gods need to survive.
Minrah: Oh, I get it! It's like how mutts are healthier than purebreed dogs!
Thor: Right Minrah! Good analogy! The more different colors involved, the stronger the creation. The problem is that your world and all the others - all but one - were crafted from those three colors. Red, yellow, and blue... ...and the Snarl is made out of four.
Thor: <voiceover> Way back at the beginning, a group of deities called Eastern Pantheon joined us with their green quiddity.
Minrah: Eastern Gods? I mean, I always thought it was weird that we only had Northern, Southern, and Western Gods, but the priests taught us not to question it. I never even questioned that I shouldn't question!
Thor: Their light passed from the multiverse long ago. The Snarl killed them. And in order to keep the secret of the Snarl's existence, we don't talk about them anymore. Without them, nothing since then has been created from all four colors. The Snarl is, in a literal sense, the most real thing in all of existence.
Minrah: More real than the gods?
Thor: Definitely! For all of our power, we are one-color beings. It would cut through us like a hot glaive through ochre jelly. Nothing we make - nothing we could ever possibly make - individually or together - can ever contain the Snarl. These facts are why so many of my colleagues are quick to throw in the cosmic towel on your world. They all fear the Snarl more than anything, but they have also become resigned to the whole cycle. It's just one more turn of the wheel to them. A chance to try something fun and new. Certainly nothing to be worried about, if we do what we always do. Why rock the boat?
Durkon: But ye dinnae agree.
(D): But you don't agree.
Thor: No. Because this time, something's different. There's a new color in the crayon box.

Spoiler: Strip 1142

Show

Good to Know
Durkon, Minrah, Thor

Minrah: Who is-?
Durkon: Is tha-?
(D): Is that-?
Thor: The Dark One. The patron god of the goblins. He ascended to godhood during this world's tenure - but unlike other mortal ascensions, he did it completely on his own, without any sponsorship by one of the existing pantheons. Somehow, he tapped into an entirely new color of divine essence: purple. If the Dark One joined us, we could close the rifts with four-color seals. They would actually be stronger than the rest of the world around them. Sure, new rifts would form again somewhere else in a few thousand years, but as long as we kept spot-welding them as they came up, there's no telling how long this world could last. Millions of years? Billions? We might even be able to try that "natural selection" thing I keep hearing about.
Durkon: But...Lord Thor, tha goblins're tha ones tryin' ta seize tha Gates in tha first place!
(D): But...Lord Thor, the goblins are the ones trying to seize the Gates in the first place!
Thor: Yeah, I admit that's a bit of a sticking point.
Minrah: Wait, hold up. What gates are we talking about here?
Durkon: Och, it's this whole thing wit tha plot. Sixty-odd years ago, this band o' 'dventurers built five magic Gates o'er tha rifts that'd opened up 'round tha world. Tha Gates plug up tha rifts, but tha bad guys're tryin' ta grab one an' use it ta tame tha Snarl.
(D): Oh, it's this whole thing with the plot. Sixty-odd years ago, this band of adventurers built five magic Gates over the rifts that had opened up around the world. The Gates plug up the rifts, but the bad guys are trying to grab one and use it to tame the Snarl.
Thor: No, not tame it, exactly. We think the goblins are trying to find a way to use the Gates to shift the planar aperatures to the Outer Planes.
Minrah: So...the Snarl could attack you out here? In your homes??
Durkon: Och, tha's awful!
(D): Oh, that's awful!
Thor: Yeah. And it's just one more reason the "Kill 'Em All" caucus wants to hurry up rather than wait. The thing is, even just talking to the Dark One is...difficult. He has no formal place in any of our covenants - no vote at any Godsmoot, no framework for safe communication. If I try to swing by his place to talk, the slightest disagreement could create a new two-color Snarl! And...I have to admit. Some of the Dark One's reluctance to engage with us is my fault.
Minrah: Oh! Did you make fun of his name?
Thor: What? No, his name is totally metal.
Minrah ...Oh.

Previous Page | Index | Next Page

[TheWombatOfDoom]

The OotS Transcript - Strips 1143 to 1157
Book 6: Utterly Dwarfed
Previous Page | Index | Next Page

Spoiler: Strip 1143

Show

Lines of Communication
Durkon, Skadi, Sunna, Thor, Tyr

Thor: When the Dark One first ascended, he was still weak. All I saw was another evil god - one who had, as a mortal, killed many of my followers. I thought if I attacked him before he could gather strength, I could defeat a force for evil safely.
Thor: <voiceover> Loki stopped me. In fact, it was Loki who first realized what the existence of a purple god could mean. He did his best to keep up a good relationship with the Dark One, with the intent of someday letting him in on the secret of the Snarl.
Thor: Unfortunately, the Dark One learned about it on his own, and cut off all ties with my brother. Loki tried to re-establish communications, but the Dark One just melted Loki's emissaries and anointed his planar legions with their liquified remains. And then he dropped out of their private chat group! None of the other gods have successfully contacted him since then. Not that we could agree on what to do if we could.
Sunna: Now that we know violet quiddity is possible, we should wait for a god that is more reasonable.
Tyr: I'd rather continue this cycle for all of eternity than give one damn inch to that goblin.
Skadi: I was on board untl this stuff with the Gates came up. It's not worth the risk to our home planes.
Thor: The Twelve Gods are similarly split. Some don't want to negotiate with the god responsible for what happened to Azure City. Rat is apparently furious. And I hear that most of the Western Gods don't even believe the Dark One really is a new color. Tiamat is the only one who's ever met him in person, and they think she's lying to further some scheme. That's why I need you, Durkon.
Durkon: M-me?? I'm suppos'd ta convince a god??
(D): M-me?? I'm supposed to convince a god??
Thor: No, no, no. You need to convince the Dark One's high priest - you know him as Redcloak - to help us. We need him to channel his god's purple quiddity into the process of closing the rifts. We only need a drop or so - one 9th-level spell slot should do it. We can handle the rest.
Durkon: Lord Thor, I...I ain't exactly a diplomat. Mebbe thar's another cleric better suited...
(D): Lord Thor, I...I am not exactly a diplomat. Maybe there is another cleric better suited to...
Thor: Oh? The guy who just talked a vampire into nonexistence thinks he's bad at persuasion?
Durkon: Och, tha were a special circumstance.
(D): Oh, that was a special circumstance.
Thor: Good news! This is literally the single most special circumstance ever. You'll do fine.

Spoiler: Strip 1144

Show

That's Jack's Fault
Durkon, Daughter, Minrah, Mother, Priestess Rubyrock, Thor

Minrah: This ride was more fun before.
Durkon: Och, I cannae ev'n tell if'n me stomach's mad aboot tha trip, or aboot havin' tha fate o' all possible worlds on me shoulders.
(D): Oh, I can not even tell if my stomach is mad about the trip, or about having the fate of all possible worlds on my shoulders.
Minrah: Actually, if there's one bright side, I don't think this is all on you, Durkon. If you screw up and the gods need to blow up the world, then the Dark One can still help make the next one, right? It'll suck that it's that world and not ours, but still - cycle is broken!
Durkon: Aye, tha's a good point, lass. Mebbe na ideal but at least-
(D): Yes, that's a good point, girl. Maybe not ideal but at least-
Thor: Uh, well, in theory, but...he might not survive the process.
Durkon: Och, knew it'd be too good ta be true.
(D): Oh, I knew it would be too good to be true.
Thor: Like I said earlier, we gods need certain things from mortals. Four things, to be exact: Belief, Worship, Dedication, and Souls.
<flashback>
Thor: <voiceover> Belief is when mortals know that we exist, in these specific identities.
Mother: Thor, the Northern god of Thunder.
<end flashback>
<flashback>
Thor: <voiceover> Worship is active praise and supplication and all that good stuff.
Priestess Rubyrock: Thor, our lord and defender!
<end flashback>
<flashback>
Thor: <voiceover> Dedication is a big burst that's released when a mortal dies and they're sent off to their god.
Daughter: Thor, I'm on my way!
<end flashback>
<flashback>
Thor: <voiceover> And Souls just sort of slowly power the Outer Planes and the Afterlives over time.
Daughter: Thor, pass the chips, please.
<end flashback>
Thor: In order to keep healthy, we need a specific balance of all four. That's why Hel is so much more messed up this time around-She's been filling up on empty Dedications without any fresh Worship. We used to have a pyramid diagram that explained this better, but I don't think we use that anymore. The thing is, there's always an interim period after each world's destruction where we have to wait while the Snarl calms down before we can trap it again. The Dark One won't have the stores of energy necessary to persist through that gap. He hasn't been around long enough, and hasn't had the followers of a whole pantheon believing in him. I've seen new gods with more worshippers than he has fail to make it.
Durkon: So we must enlist 'is 'elp now, to save this world, while he's still got believers.
(D): So we must enlist his help now, to save this world, while he's still got believers.
Thor: Otherwise, the purple quiddity may be lost forever and the cycle will never end.
Minrah: Wow. I didn't realize the gods were so dependent on the beliefs of everyday mortals like us.
Thor: Oh, you have no idea. I used to be a ginger until that damn superhero comic book came out.

Spoiler: Strip 1145

Show

The Highfather
Durkon, Minrah, Odin, Thor

Thor: Oh, hey, my dad's here.
Durkon: Lord Odin?!?
Thor: Yeah. Don't worry, he's fine. I'll introduce you. Hi, Dad.
Odin: Oh! Hello, Thor! I was just trying to remember why I was here.
Thor: Well, if I had to guess, I'd say you wanted to come check in on how your dwarf prophecy was going.
Odin: My what, now?
Thor: Dad, this is Durkon Thundershield. He's the cleric of mine that you got exiled from his homeland like 20 years ago.
Durkon: Huh? "Got exiled"?
Minrah: Oh! Oh! I actually know about this! Your friends were talking about it with Brewmaster Firuk!
Durkon: Talkin' aboot wha?
(D): Talking about what?
Minrah: Odin's priest came to old High Priest Hurak with a prophecy. He said that when you returned home, you'd bring death and destruction. So Hurak threw you out and told you to never come back.
Durkon: So...tha's tha reason why I was exiled?
(D): So...that's the reason why I was exiled?
Minrah: Turns out.
Durkon: All b'cause o' some prophecy tha Hurak dinnae ev'n tell me aboot? Thar was......a reason. Thar was a reason!! Ha ha! It weren't just some random act o' cruelty! 'E 'ad a reason, an' na ev'n tha bad o' one!
(D): All because of some prophecy that Hurak didn't even tell me about? There was......a reason. There was a reason!! Ha ha! It wasn't just some random act of cruelty! He had a reason, and not even that bad of one!
Minrah: But...it didn't work. It seems like it might've kinda actually caused the thing he was trying to prevent.
Durkon: Aye! It was a total disaster! But na a random disaster! Fer twenty years, I been worried Hurak had picked me by chance--an' now at least I know thar were some logic ta 'is callous incompetence! Ha ha ha! Woooo! Ha ha!
(D): Yes! It was a total disaster! But not a random disaster! For twenty years, I've been worried that Hurak had picked me by chance--and now at least I know that there was some logic to his callous incompetence! Ha ha ha! Woooo! Ha ha!
Thor: Wait, Dad, isn't that why you did the prophecy? By getting him exiled, you guaranteed he would arrive here knowing what we needed him to know.
Odin: Did I? That doesn't sound like something I'd do. Sounds kinda mean, honestly.
Thor: Yeah, but...it was something you did.
Odin: Oh. If you say so, Son. I trust you. Spindles wind the string forward, but not back.
Thor: So wait...was that a thing you really foresaw, or not?
Odin: Who's to say? Loops and twirls. It seems to have all worked out. It's a mango.
Minrah: Uh, Lord Thor, is he...OK?
Thor: Sort of. Dad's had a rough time of it lately.
Odin: You know, hoops have no end, until suddenly they do.
Thor: The last world we did, the Northerners ended up as barbarians who decided magic was dumb nonsense for fools and simpletons. It kind of did a number on his head, since he's the god of magic and all.
Minrah: Oh, that sounds awful!
Thor: He's getting better as he absorbs more Belief from your world. He'll be fine in a few more centuries. Until then, he has good days and bad days.
Odin: Sure, you can boot off a floppy, but don't pull it out in the middle!
Durkon: Fer tha first time in me life, ev'rythin' makes sense!
(D): For the first time in my life, everything makes sense!
Thor: We, uh, probably shouldn't mention this to Durkon. I need his spirit uncrushed.
Odin: Mortal height is fun. My hands are hand-sized!

Spoiler: Strip 1146

Show

Assistance Needed
Durkon, Minrah, Odin, Thor

Durkon: An' yer sure tha me exile's officially revoked?
(D): And you're sure that my exile is officially revoked?
Minrah: I mean, that's what your friends said. They met Rubyrock at the Godsmoot and she cleared it.
Durkon: Then I get ta go home. After all this be done, at least.
(D): Then I get to go home. After all this be done, at least.
Minrah: Yeah. And assuming you defeat the other vampires and the world doesn't go kablooey.
Durkon: Och, aye. Thar's tha. Lord Thor, I dinnae suppose ye could just pop down thar an' smash 'em wit yer holy hammer?
(D): Oh, yes. There is that. Lord Thor, I don't suppose you could just pop down there and smash them with your holy hammer?
Thor: No, sorry.
Durkon: What aboot zappin' 'em wit divine thunder?
(D): What about zapping them with divine thunder?
Thor: No.
Durkon: OK, but wha if'n--
(D): OK, but what if--
Thor: Nope.
Durkon: Even if--?
Thor: Nuh uh.
Durkon: Wha if'n ye--
(D): What if you--
Thor: Look, whatever solution you think up that involves me fixing it for you--I guarantee you there's a bunch of dumb god laws tying my hands, OK?
Odin: We wrote them that way on purpose! There are fewer Good gods than Not-Good gods, you know. If everyone could play in the sandbox all the time, there wouldn't be a lot of castles left unkicked!
Durkon: Is thar na anythin' ye can do ta help us?
(D): Is there nothing you can do to help us?
Thor: Gosh, I could give you amazing magical spells on demand every single morning. Do you think that might help?
Durkon: Och, I'm sorry, me lord. Yer right. I just worry tha I willnae ev'n get tha chance ta talk ta Redcloak if'n we cannae defeat Hel's minions.
(D): Oh, I'm sorry, my lord. You're right. I just worry that I won't even get the chance to talk to Redcloak if we can't defeat Hel's minions.
Thor: Look, Durkon, I'll... I'll see what I can do. But ultimately, once you're back down there, it's going to be your fight, not mine. And you'll do great. As far as concrete physical aid...well, there is one thing, now that I think of it. A little secret your people forgot a few generations back...
Minrah: Ummm...why are you whispering? There's no one here to overhear you.
Thor: So it'll be dramatic later, duh. Didn't get to spent much time with the kid with the puppet, did you?
Durkon: Right?? Tha's wha I said!
(D): Right?? That's what I said!

Spoiler: Strip 1147

Show

Headed Back
Deva, Durkon, Minrah, Odin, Slaad, Thor

Deva: Durkon Thundershield? I have an incoming resurrection for Durkon Thundershield here?
Thor: Ah, perfect timing!
Odin: Time to go put your meat suit back on!
Durkon: Lord Thor, I dinnae know wha ta say. I haf so many more things I wanna ask ye...
(D): Lord Thor, I don't know what to say. I have so many more things I want to ask you...
Thor: Yeah, I get that. But you know what you need to know, and that'll be enough. None of this works if you miss your ticket out of here.
Thor: <whispering> Oh, and, uh, Durkon? One thing: Don't mention the stuff you learned to the deva. We have to wipe all the outsiders' memories every time we remake the world because they go a bit nuts if we don't.
Minrah: OK, so, I guess I'm heading down to Valhalla.
Durkon: Aye, guess so.
(D): Right, I guess so.
Minrah: I thought there'd be more time before...well.
Durkon: Well, take care o' yerself in paradise, Minrah Shaleshoe. Thanks agin fer helpin' me friends. If'n ye ev'r find yerself drinkin' wit a dwarf named Tenrin, tell 'im 'is wife an' kid love 'im.
(D): Well, take care of yourself in paradise, Minrah Shaleshoe. Thanks again for helping my friends. If you ever found yourself drinking with a dwarf named Tenrin, tell him that his wife and kid loves him.
Minrah: Will do. When you get back to the temple, tell Tinna that my cousin has been in love with her for, like, three years. I promised I'd take that to my grave, which I guess I did. Life's too short, though. They should just hook up or not already.
Deva: Ah, Mr. Thundershield?
Durkon: Aye, tha's me.
(D): Right, that's me.
Deva: Excellent. Before we go, though, I would be remiss if I didn't voice my concerns over the religious affiliation of the cleric casting the spell.
Durkon: Och, lemme guess: A priestess of Loki, aye?
(D): Oh, let me guess: A priestess of Loki, right?
Deva: Yes! We're worried she may have some nefarious intentions for you.
Durkon: Aye, almost certainly, but I'm pretty sure tha's tha mother o' me child, so...I still gotta go.
(D): Right, almost certainly, but I'm pretty sure that's the mother of my child, so...I still gotta go.
Deva: Oh! I totally understand. I had a similar situation once after spending a drunk weekend down in Limbo.
<flashback>
Deva: Do I...push?
Slaad: No, the tadpole must learn to chew its own way out.
<end flashback>
Deva: Of course, now that little tadpole has spawn of his own.
Durkon: Och, they grow up so fast.
(D): Oh, they grow up so fast.
Deva: No kidding. He implanted the nurse fourteen minutes after he was born.

Spoiler: Strip 1148

Show

The Rainbow Rejection
Deva, Durkon, Minrah, Thor

Deva: Does it call or write? I had to get my torso regenerated for it!
Durkon: Did it ferget yer birthday, too?
(D): Did it forget your birthday, too?
Deva: Technically, I don't have a birthday, but this only happened three months ago. Anyway, sorry there's no limo. Budget cuts. We'll go down the old-fashioned way.
Durkon: Fine by me.
Thor: When you get the Dark One's cleric to agree, just cast Commune and I'll tell you what to do.
Durkon: Och, ye nev'r answer those!
(D): Oh, you never answer those!
Thor: Yeah, but I'll set a special ring tone for this.
<cutaway>
Minrah: No. I'm not done yet. I refuse to be done yet! Durkon, wait!
<cutback>
Minrah: Wait, I want to go back!
Durkon: Huh?
Minrah: When you get back down there, raise me from the dead. Bring me back!
Durkon: I thought ye wanted ta go inta Valhalla. When we got 'ere, ye thought I was nuts fer wantin' ta go back.
(D): I thought you wanted to go into Valhalla. When we got here, you thought I was nuts for wanting to go back.
Minrah: That was before all the cosmic stuff! What is even the point of being a cleric if divine revelations can't change your mind?? Look, if that goblin you need to convince is really threatening not just our world but the Outer Planes, too--then Valhalla itself is in danger! I can't sit around getting drunk, I need to help! But it's more than that. I'm not done being alive. I still have stuff I wanted to do. I didn't get to have kids. Or adopt kids. Or decide if I even want kids. I left a lot of kid-based options on the table! I know that if I go back, I risk getting tortured in Hel forever next time I die...but maybe it's worth it. Maybe wondering what could've been would be it's own form of torture. Whatever, I don't need to explain. Just do it! You owe me that much!
Durkon: Aye, OK! OK! I just wanted ta make sure ye were sure.
(D): Right, OK! OK! I just wanted to make sure that you're sure about it.
Minrah: Good.
Deva: If we're all done here, we do need to get moving before the spell is completed.
Minrah: Yeah, go ahead, I'm done. I mean, with the conversation.
Deva: Splendid.
Durkon: It might take a bit. I dinnae know wha tha diamond supply situation'll be like after they bring me back.
(D): It might take a bit. I don't know what the diamond supply situation will be like after they bring me back.
Minrah: That's OK. Just don't forget, or I'll haunt you.
Durkon: Aye. I'll do me best, Lord Thor. Ev'ry day until I see ye again.
(D): Right. I'll do my best, Lord Thor. Every day until I see you again.
<sfx> SPLONF!
Minrah: So, um...
Thor: Yes, we can grab a pint inside while you wait.
Minrah: You're the best god.

Spoiler: Strip 1149

Show

Enough Diamonds Already
Durkon, Hilgya

Hilgya: Resurrection.
<sfx> POOF!
<sfx> WHUNK!
Hilgya: Dur--
Durkon: Wait! B'fore ye say anythin'! I know I mistreat'd ye, Hilgya. I sent ye away after ye'd open'd up ta me, an' I know how much tha must've hurt. I got na excuses. I was wrong. Ye were alone an' in pain, an' lookin' fer a connection, an' instead o' tha, I judged ye. I do tha a lot. I had an opportunity ta reach out an' help ye outta tha darkness, an' I failed ta see it. I wish I could say tha I'd had some specific change o' heart aboot it--some dramatic event tha showed me it was wrong. But tha truth is, all I needed was ta watch it again, witout bein' in tha moment. I shoulda found a way ta help, an' I dinnae. My Ma taught me better'n tha. An' then, at me lowest point, thar ye were. Ye, an' tha beautiful li'l boy. An' I knew ev'rythin' was gonna be OK. B'cause tha's me son, aye? Tell me e' ain't. Me boy. A perfect li'l angel. Och, better, ev'n. Turns out some angels're a bit off. I dinnae know wha's goin' on wit yer husband. I know thar're prob'bly legal things tha need ta be worked out. But I unnerstand yer na happy wit 'im, an' I were wrong ta na respect yer desire ta leave. 'specially considerin' tha alternatives ye were tryin'. Most o' all, I know tha I need ta be thar fer me boy. Na ev'ryone gets more'n one parent. Na ev'ryone ev'n gets one! If'n I can make it so 'e's one of those tha does, I need ta try. An' I can be thar fer ye, too, Hilgya. I can help ye work thru yer demons, wha'ev'r they be. I know yer a good person an' ye can be happy. So I wanna ask ye, if'n we can get tha details sorted--fer tha sake o' our son--Hilgya Firehelm--will ye marry me?
(D): Wait! Before you say anything! I know I mistreated you, Hilgya. I sent you away after you open up to me, and I know how much that must have hurt you. I've got no excuses. I was wrong. You were alone and in pain, and looking for a connection, and instead of that, I judged you. I do that a lot. I had an opportunity to reach out and help you out of that darkness, and I failed to see it. I wish I could say that I had some specific change of heart about it--some dramatic event that showed me it was wrong. But the truth is, all I needed was to watch it again, without being in the moment. I should have found a way to help, and I didn't. My Mother taught me better than that. And then, at my lowest point, there you were. You, and that beautiful little boy. And I knew everything was gonna be OK. Because that's my son, right? Tell me he is't my son. My boy. A perfect little angel. Oh, better, even. Turns out some angels are a bit off. I don't know what's going on with your husband. I know there is probably legal things that need to be worked out. But I understand that you're not happy with him, and I was wrong to not respect your desire to leave. Especially considering the alternatives you were trying. Most of all, I know that I need to be there for my boy. Not everyone gets more than one parent. Not everyone even gets one! If I can make it so he's one of those that does, I need to try. And I can be there for you, too, Hilgya. I can help you work through your demons, whatever they be. I know that you're a good person and you can be happy. So I want to ask you, if we can get the details sorted--for the sake of our son--Hilgya Firehelm--will you marry me?
Hilgya: Flame Strike. Oh, calm down. I'm rich now, I can just raise him again.

Spoiler: Strip 1150

Show

Do-Over
Belkar, Deva, Durkon, Elan, Haley, Hilgya, Minrah, Odin, Roy, Thor

<sfx> PINGG!!
Durkon: Och, come on!
(D): Oh, come on!
Deva: Uh, was there some sort of issue with the spell?
Durkon: It's fine. It's all fine. Just a li'l miscommunication b'tween me an' Hilgya.
(D): It's fine. It's all fine. Just a little miscommunication between me and Hilgya.
Minrah: Oooo, problems with the baby mama? She did seem a bit...tightly wound.
Thor: This might be all my fault, really. When I decreed that you should "totally smash" the followers of Loki, that wasn't what I meant.
Deva: Wait--we're actually getting a Raise Dead request from the same spellcaster. I assume you want me to deny it?
Durkon: Na! Na, I'll take it. I'll take tha chance.
(D): No! No, I'll take it. I'll take the chance.
Deva: OK, they're your funerals.
Durkon: We'll just work it out, an' we can all get on wit tha bus'ness aboot tha Snarl an' tha rifts an' tha planet inside tha rifts an' wha'ev'r else.
(D): We'll just work it out, and we can all get on with the business about the Snarl, and the rifts, and the planet inside the rifts, and whatever else.
<sfx> SPLONF! (AGAIN!)
Thor: Wait, what did he mean about a planet inside the rifts?
Odin: ?
<cutaway>
Hilgya: Raise Dead!
Durkon: *gasp!* Protection from Fire! Stay back! ...Are ye gonna Flame Strike me again?
(D): *gasp!* Protection from Fire! Stay back! ...Are you gonna Flame Strike me again?
Hilgya: I don't know, are you going to say something that dumb again? 'Cause I'm not planning on it, but I reserve my right to respond to idiocy with cleansing divine fire.
Durkon: Ye dinnae haf tha "right" ta kill me fer tryin' ta work things out b'tween us, Hilgya!
(D): You don't have the "right" to kill me for trying to work things out between us, Hilgya!
Hilgya: Good news, then. There's nothing left to work out. I got what I needed out of this. To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I caught up to you--but your shallow thoughtless proposal really clarified things for me. It's so simple: You burned me, so I burned you. Now we're done and I feel a lot better.
Durkon: Ye cannae possibly think me rejectin' ye an' ye literally murderin' me are equal?
(D): You can't possibly think that my rejecting you and your literally murdering me are equal?
Hilgya: Of course not. You can't fix rejection with a ten-minute cleric spell. But who cares about equal, anyway. If I hurt you worse than you hurt me, good. That means I win.
Durkon: "Win"? This ain't some kinda competition!
(D): "Win"? This isn't some kind of competition!
Hilgya: Everything is a competition, and the only people who think otherwise are losers who lose.
Roy: OK, enough. This is fascinating and/or disturbing but my arms are falling asleep. Does this conversation end with us rolling initiative or not?
Durkon: Dunno. Ask her.
(D): I don't know. Ask her.
Hilgya: No. I'm fine.
Roy: Then how about we table it for now. Unless I'm mistaken, Durkon some of the vampire's little minions were missing from the fight scene, so we're not out of the woods just yet.
Durkon: Aye. The Exarch an' a few others'll still try ta sway tha council vote.
(D): That's right. The Exarch and a few others will still try to sway the council's vote.
Roy: Let's head back to the temple of Thor and plan our next move. Also it's good to have you back. You have no idea how much we needed you.
Durkon: Thanks, lad. It's good ta be back.
(D): Thanks, boy. It's good to be back.
Elan: Hooray! Durkon's back!
Haley: We missed you, big guy.
Durkon: I missed all o' ye, too. Tha hardest part o' bein' trapped right thar, inside me own 'ead, was na bein' able ta reach out an' tell all o' ye that it'd be OK. Tha second hardest part was knowin' only Belkar could tell tha diff'rence b'tween me an' an evil spirit! I mean, Belkar? Seriously??
(D): I missed all of you, too. The hardest part of being trapped right there, inside my own head, was not being able to reach out and tell all of you that it will be OK. The second hardest part was knowing that only Belkar could tell the difference between me and an evil spirit! I mean, Belkar? Seriously??
Belkar: I know, right.
Roy: I got there! Eventually!
Elan: In my defense, I am not very smart.
Haley: I already got fooled by Nale! What were the chances of two imposter storylines?!

Spoiler: Strip 1151

Show

Halfling Baby Steps Are Very Small
Durkon, Belkar, Roy, Haley, Elan, Vaarsuvius, Mr. Scruffy, Kudzu,

Haley: <whispering> So she's just following us now?
Roy: <whispering> I guess. If she starts some, she'll get some. Otherwise, it's Durkon's call, since that's his kid strapped to her.
Durkon: Belkar, b'fore we get thar, I wanted ta talk ta ye aboot sumthin'.
(D): Belkar, before we get there, I wanted to talk to you about something.
Belkar: Sorry, I'm a hard pass on marriage, too.
Durkon: Dinnae flatter yerself, yer like me fourth choice just in tha party.
(D): Do not flatter yourself, you're like my fourth choice just in the party.
Belkar: Heh.
Durkon: I need ta thank ye fer helpin' me break free o' tha vampire.
(D): I need to thank you for helping me break free of the vampire.
Belkar: Oh, don't get mushy, I stabbed a boss monster, it happens.
Durkon: Tha's not wha I meant.
(D): That's not what I meant.
<flashback>
Durkon: <narrating> Back on tha ship, ye told me— ye told the vampire tha people dinnae change overnight. Tha it's gradual an' hard to spot, until one day, ye tip o'er tha edge an' now yer different.
(D): Back on tha ship, you told me— you told the vampire that people do not change overnight. That it's gradual and hard to spot, until one day, you tip over the edge and now you're different.
</flashback>
Durkon: Wha I realized was, aye, tha's how normal people work, who live thar whole lives in order. But tha vampire were just skimmin' scenes from me life willy-nilly an' na seein' all the connections. B'cause I already knew whar tha tippin' moments in me life were, I could feed 'im a series o' memories to get ta tha tip-oe'r witout time fer gradual adjustment.
(D): What I realized was, yes, that's how normal people work, who live their whole lives in order. But the vampire was just skimming scenes from my life willy-nilly and not seeing all the connections. Because I already knew where the tipping moments in my life were, I could feed him a series of memories to get to the tip-over without time for gradual adjustment.
Belkar: I absolutely did not understand any of what you said, and I'm not sure if it's just because I'm out of practice with the accent.
Durkon: I gotta remember ta thank Elan, too. Us clerics normally only get taught to recite myths, na craft narratives. Anyway, tha point is tha it worked. It made tha vampire feel wha I needed 'im ta feel. Ev'ryone always talks aboot tha seductive power o' Evil, but I think Good's just as slippery a slope. Doin' good—sometimes even just seein' other people do good—feels good. Tha feelin' gets ta ye ev'ntually. Sometimes I think the reason more evil folks dinnae succumb ta it is tha it feels bad ta realize how bad ye've been! Most'd rather pretend ta nev'r feel nuthin' than experience tha pain.
(D): I gotta remember to thank Elan, too. Us clerics normally only get taught to recite myths, not craft narratives. Anyway, the point is that it worked. It made the vampire feel what I needed him to feel. Everyone always talks about the seductive power of Evil, but I think Good's just as slippery a slope. Doing good—sometimes even just seeing other people do good—feels good. That feeling gets to you eventually. Sometimes I think the reason more evil folks do not succumb to it is that it feels bad to realize how bad you've been! Most'd rather pretend to never feel anything than experience the pain.
Belkar: So...those people are cowards, then. Right?
Durkon: huh?
Belkar: Those weak powers can't handle intense hardcore introspection.
Durkon: Och! Aye, aye, they dinnae haf tha guts ta face tha mirror!
(D): Oh! Yes, yes, they do not have the guts to face the mirror!
Belkar: Sorry I hit you in the face with a palm tree that one time.
Durkon: Ultimate extreme apology accept'd.
(D): Ultimate extreme apology accepted.

Spoiler: Strip 1152

Show

Reunion
Durkon, Belkar, Roy, Haley, Elan, Sigdi, Firuk

Durkon: Tha remainin' vampires will nae move on tha chamber until most o' tha elders're inside. Which's just as well since I'm tapped out, spell-wise.
(D): The remaining vampires will not move on the chamber until most of the elders are inside. Which's just as well since I'm tapped out, spell-wise.
Roy: OK, then. The vote's scheduled for midmorning, so we can wait until dawn and refresh your spells.
Durkon: Aye, sounds good, but we'll need more'n tha fer a plan. See, tha council chamber's made up o' three rings, each wit its own set o—
(D): Aye, sounds good, but we will need more than that for a plan. See, the council chamber's made up of three rings, each with its own set of—
Sigdi: Durkon!
Durkon: Ma?!? What're ye doin—?
(D): Mother?!? What are you doing—?
Sigdi: Firuk came an' got me after yer friends left.
(S): Firuk came and got me after your friends left.
Firuk: I'm sorry. I thought she needed ta know.
(F): I'm sorry. I thought she needed to know.
Durkon: Och, Ma! Yer na just an old memory, yer really 'ere!
(D): Oh, Mother! You're not just an old memory, you're really here!
Sigdi: Ha ha! Thar's my boy, safe an' sound! I missed layin' eyes on ye. Look at ye, yer all skin an' bones. What're these humans feedin' ye? Are ye getting enuff beer?
(S): Ha ha! There's my boy, safe and sound! I missed laying eyes on you. Look at you, you're all skin and bones. What are these humans feeding you? Are you getting enough beer?
Durkon: Na fer twenty years. I could absolutely murder a decent pint. Or a quart. Or five.
(D): Not for twenty years. I could absolutely murder a decent pint. Or a quart. Or five.
Firuk: Lemme take care o' tha fer ye, lad. Glad yer back alive.
(F): Let me take care of that for you Durkon. Glad you're back alive.
Elan: Aww, look at that. Critical hit in the heart!
Haley: Yeah, imagine not knowing for all those years if your son is alive or dead.
Sigdi: What're ye talkin' aboot? I talked ta Durkon last week.
(S): What are you talking about? I talked to Durkon last week.
Roy: You... did?
Durkon: Aye, wit tha Sending spell. Wha's the point o' havin' long-range commun'cation magic if'n ye cannae use it ta tell yer loved ones yer safe?
(D): Aye, with the Sending spell. What's the point of having long-range communication magic if you can not use it to tell your loved ones you're safe?
Sigdi: 'E's such a good boy, callin' ev'ry week since 'e learned tha spell.
(S): He's such a good boy, calling every week since he learned the spell.
Durkon: Dinnae ye ev'r wonder why I happen'd ta haf four Sendings prepared back when ye were captured by Tarquin?
(D): Didn't you ever wonder why I happened to have four Sendings prepared back when you were captured by Tarquin?
Roy: Uh, no. I mean, I guess I didn't think it mattered that much. Look, If I worried about all the things I don't worry about, I'd never stop worrying!
Sigdi: Oh, so ye must be Elan!
(S): Oh, so you must be Elan!
Belkar: Ha ha, unintentional mom burn!

Spoiler: Strip 1153

Show

Family Meeting
Durkon, Roy, Haley, Sigdi, Hilgya

Durkon: Na, Ma, this's Roy. Elan's back thar, wit Haley, an' tha elf's—
(D): No, Mother, this is Roy. Elan is back there, with Haley, and the elf's—
Sigdi: —Vaarsuvius, an' this must be Belkar, aye? Nice ta finally put faces ta names.
(S): —Vaarsuvius, and this must be Belkar, right? Nice to finally put faces to names.
Sigdi: I were so worried when Fyruk said ye were back but in some kinda trouble.
(S): I was so worried when Fyruk said you were back but in some kind of trouble.
Durkon: Aye, it were awful, but it all worked out, thanks ta ye.
(D): Aye, it was awful, but it all worked out, thanks to you.
Sigdi: Me? What'd I do?
(S): Me? What did I do?
Durkon: More'n I can say, really. I'll explain later.
(D): More than I can say, really. I'll explain later.
Roy: You know, I'm just enjoying the novelty of meeting a parent who's not trying to kill one of us.
Haley: Hey, it was my uncle that threatened to shank Elan!
Sigdi: Hold on, who's tha back 'ere? Who's this handsome baby boy? Hullo!
(S): Hold on, who's that back there? Who's this handsome baby boy? Hello!
Durkon: Och, well, this's....uh...this's Hilgya, an' tha boy's... Tha boy's me son.
(D): Oh, well, this is....uh...this is Hilgya, and the boy is... That boy is my son.
Sigdi: Aye, no foolin' e's yer son. I still got both eyes.
(S): Aye, no fooling he's your son. I still got both eyes.
Hilgya: His name is Kudzu.
Durkon: Kudzu?? 'E's named after a plant?!?
(D): Kudzu?? He's named after a plant?!?
Sigdi: 'E's named after a survivor, aye? Is tha wha ye be, a brave li'l survivor tha cannae be weeded out? I bet ye be. Whar're me manners? Sergeant Sigdi Thundershield, retired. Ye can call me Sigdi or Sarge or ev'n Ma, if'n ye want. Sorry I'm a bit off guard, Durkon nev'r used any o' those 25 words per spell ta tell me 'e got married.
(S): He's named after a survivor, aye? Is that what you are, a brave little survivor that can not be weeded out? I bet you are. Where are my manners? Sergeant Sigdi Thundershield, retired. You can call me Sigdi or Sarge or even Ma, if you want. Sorry I'm a bit off guard, Durkon never used any of those 25 words per spell to tell me he got married.
Hilgya: Oh, we are not married.
Sigdi: Och, Sorry, I shouldna've assumed. Then tha 'e had a girlfriend at all.
(S): Oh, Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed. Then that he had a girlfriend at all.
Hilgya: Actually, we only met one afternoon, in a dungeon.
Sigdi: Oh. I guess tha clears up why me son dinnae know 'is own child's name until right now.
(S): Oh. I guess that clears up why my son did not know his own child's name until right now.
Durkon: Lord Thor, I know ye need me ta do stuff, but can ye maybe strike me dead fer a bit now and send me back later?
(D): Lord Thor, I know you need me to do stuff, but can you maybe strike me dead for a bit now and send me back later?
Sigdi: Well, I guess I dinnae need tha details. Yer both adults, tho I hope thar weren't any bad behavior on me boy's part. I dinnae raise 'im tha way.
(S): Well, I guess I do not need the details. You're both adults, though I hope there wasn't any bad behavior on my boy's part. I didn't raise him that way.
Hilgya: It's...fine. It doesn't matter now. It's all water over the tunnel.
Durkon: It's na fine! I tried ta make things proper by marryin' ye, an' ye killed me wit a Flame Strike!
(D): It's not fine! I tried to make things proper by marrying you, and you killed me with a Flame Strike!
Sigdi: Seems like a firm na, then.
(S): Seems like a firm no, then.
Durkon: Ma!!
Sigdi: Wha? I'm na sayin' it's right, but I punched yer Uncle Hoskin square in tha jaw tha first time 'e proposed ta me. Knocked a tooth out, I did.
(S): What? I'm not saying it's right, but I punched your Uncle Hoskin square in the jaw the first time he proposed to me. Knocked a tooth out, I did.
Durkon: Tha's na tha same.
(D): That's not the same.
Sigdi: Aye, but 'e's still missin' tha tooth. Can I hold 'im?
(S): Aye, but he's still missing that tooth. Can I hold him?
Hilgya: Uh, are you sure you're not going to...um...
Sigdi: Lass, I had one arm when Durkon were born an' I raised 'im safe an' sound. Ye can trust me wit me own gran'son.
(S): Hilgya, I had one arm when Durkon were born and I raised him safe and sound. You can trust me with my own grandson.
Hilgya: Alright. For a little bit. But to be clear, nothing about Durkon leads me to believe he wasn't dropped on his head as a baby.
Sigdi: Och, surely ye've noticed we Thundershields haf thick nigh-impenetrable skulls! Do ye haf a hard head? Are ye a stubborn li'l pebble like my wee boy were?
(S): Oh, surely you've noticed we Thundershields have thick nigh-impenetrable skulls! Do you have a hard head? Are you a stubborn little pebble like my wee boy was?
Hilgya: Ha ha ha!
Durkon: ...
Sigdi: Such a sweet baby. I bet yer ma just loves ye ta bits, aye? I bet yer ma feels better knowin' thar's someone in yer pa's life who knows how ta take real good care o' ye— —just in case she ev'r puts a scratch on 'im again an' yer Granma Sigdi needs ta end her. Is 'e on solids yet?
(S): Such a sweet baby. I bet your mother just loves you to bits, yes? I bet your mother feels better knowing there's someone in your father's life who knows how to take real good care of you— —just in case she ever puts a scratch on him again and your Grandma Sigdi needs to end her. Is he on solids yet?
Hilgya: What? Uh—yeah. A little. I mean, in addition to—
Sigdi: Yer pa loved mashed carrots when 'e were yer age. Let's go see if'n we cannae find some in tha kitchen, aye?
(S): Your father loved mashed carrots when he was your age. Let's go see if we can not find some in the kitchen, yes?
Roy: Wow, I haven't seen a feint like that since Fencing class.
Haley: Don't take this the wrong way but I want to grow up to be your mom.

Spoiler: Strip 1154

Show

Forgotten Secret
Durkon, Belkar, Haley, Blackwing

Haley: OK, I had to get him a glass of warm milk to settle him down, but Elan's resting now.
Blackwing: And V's trancing, without any ruminant boob drippings.
Durkon: Good, good. We got tha rest o' tha night ta plan, then.
(D): Good, good. We got the rest of the night to plan, then.
Belkar: Any chance you're going to put some armor on at some point? Because the "deep-V" look you've got going on is not working for you.
Durkon: Aye, good point. Me old armor's wreck'd, but I shouldnae haf trouble findin' sumthin' useful 'roun 'ere. But more import'ntly...ye just reminded me o' sumthin' Thor whispered ta me b'fore I came back... "Death an' destruction." Tha's wha Odin's prophecy said I'd bring wit me when I came back home. Turns out me whole life were shaped by tha, an' I dinnae ev'n know it. But now I know.
(D): Yes, good point. My old armor is wrecked, but I shouldn't have trouble finding something useful around here. But more importantly...you just reminded me of something Thor whispered to me before I came back... "Death and destruction." That's what Odin's prophecy said I'd bring with me when I came back home. Turns out my whole life was shaped by that, and I did not even know it. But now I know
<sfx> Click! Click!
<Pedestal Text>Lord Thor King of Storms and Thunder Champion of Killing Trees
Durkon: An' I already brought so much death ta so many. So I say—
(D): And I already brought so much death to so many. So I say—
<sfx>caChunk
<Pedestal Text>Lord Thor King of Storms and Thunder Champion of Killing Trees
Durkon: —it's aboot time fer some destruction.
(D): —it's about time for some destruction.

Spoiler: Strip 1155

Show

Elder Screeds
Unnamed Elder, Unnamed Daughter, Unnamed Vampire,

Unnamed Elder: Preposterous. Absurd, even. What are they thinking?
Unnamed Daughter: I don't know, Mother.
Unnamed Elder: They're not thinking, I'll tell you that much. Summoning us to gather on short notice.
Unnamed Daughter: Yes, Mother.
Unnamed Elder: I am a very important dwarf! I am sure if I thought about it, I could come up with better things I could be doing than traveling all the way up to this Odin-forsaken town.
Unnamed Daughter: I'm sure, Mother.
Unnamed Elder: You know I don't like being this close to the surface.
Unnamed Daughter: It makes your joints ache.
Unnamed Elder: It makes my joints ache! Every few years, that damn messenger comes and summons me to some inane Council of Clan Elders, and for what?
Unnamed Daughter: Vast wealth and societal influence as the matriarch of a major clan?
Unnamed Elder: I mean besides that! I assure you, if there were any way to get out of making a decision on whatever ridiculous proposal is about to be put forth— —I would take it in a heartbeat.
Unnamed Vampire: Don't got one of those, but otherwise: Good news!

Spoiler: Strip 1156

Show

In All Fairness
Unnamed Matriarch, Vampiress with Curly Hair, Vampiress with Short Hair, Unnamed Daughter, Gontor

Unnamed Matriarch: What the hell?!
Vampiress with Curly Hair: No! It's Hel, not hell!
Vampiress with Short Hair: I blame the devils. They introduced the two-L version to capitalize on our mistress' trademark.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: Anyway, how about we take that whole "deciding" thing off your plate for you?
Unnamed Daughter: Mother! Guard, defend my- *gasp* Help! Someone help us!
Vampiress with Curly Hair: Hey!
Gontor: See, now that perfectly illustrates the whole problem. Instead of resigning yourself to your impossible circumstances, you need to punch an armored opponent you have no chance of defeating.
Unnamed Daughter: Get back!
Gontor: All because you must die honorably to avoid being sent to Hel's domain. It's so unfair, and robs your final moments of the dignity they deserve. Remember, team: This is why we're doing this. To bring change to a structurally biased system and put a more egalitarian one in its place. One whee "honorable death" no longer has any bearing on a dwarven soul's final resting place. Where everyone is condemned to eternal suffering, without the chance for a last-minute escape.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: Yeah!
Vampiress with Short Hair: Equal wrongs for all!

Spoiler: Strip 1157

Show

Holes and Walls
Gontor, Unnamed Matriarch, Vampiress with Curly Hair, Vampiress with Short Hair

Gontor: Take your seat in the Inner Chamber. Vote Yes on the main proposal, and follow and verbal instructions given to you by a vampire.
Unnamed Matriarch: Yes, OK...
Gontor: Off you go.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: Are you sure this is going to work? Seems like they should have defenses against this sort of thing.
Gontor: They do, but we are bypassing them, thanks to the knowledge our dearly departed sire gave me. The orange barrier at the foot of the stairs dispels all magic on anyone who passes through it.
Vampiress with Short Hair: That's why we're not putting the mind whammy on them until they hit the stairs.
Gontor: It also physically prevents anyone but the dwarves-or those of us walking around in dwarf bodies-from entering this Middle Chamber. The dwarves clearly believed they only needed to worry about influence from foreign sources, not from their own kind. Or maybe the ones who built this place wanted to quietly reserve the ability to tamper with the votes themselves. Who knows?
Vampiress with Curly Hair: OK, so... what does the blue barrier here at the top of the stairs do, then?
Gontor: Ah. It is a thing of beauty, really. Within the boundaries of the blue barrier, anyone violating dwarven law is turned to stone until the meeting is formally adjourned.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: What?!? Doesn't that include what we're doing?
Gontor: Not if we limit ourselves to verbal orders once we're inside. The laws don't prohibit simply talking! But they do explicitly forbid attacking or using any spell or supernatural ability on any creature during a council meeting. Any spell-including Dispel Magic! Even if Thor's people make it past our defenses, they will be powerless to break our control of the councilors inside the Inner Chamber. They will be forced to watch as our pawns usher in Hel's final victory! Bwee hee hee hee hee hee!
Vampiress with Short Hair: The blue one also blocks sound, or else the evil cackles would be a total giveaway.

Previous Page | Index | Next Page

[martianmister]

On 1152 and 1154 Belkar is miswritten as Belker, twice on each.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

On 1152 and 1154 Belkar is miswritten as Belker, twice on each.

Thank you! Corrected!

[Mariele]

It says contributions are allowed, so I hope this helps:

Spoiler: Strip 1156

Show

In All Fairness
Unnamed Matriarch, Vampiress with Curly Hair, Vampiress with Short Hair, Unnamed Daughter, Gontor

Unnamed Matriarch: What the hell?!
Vampiress with Curly Hair: No! It's Hel, not hell!
Vampiress with Short Hair: I blame the devils. They introduced the two-L version to capitalize on our mistress' trademark.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: Anyway, how about we take that whole "deciding" thing off your plate for you?
Unnamed Daughter: Mother! Guard, defend my- *gasp* Help! Someone help us!
Vampiress with Curly Hair: Hey!
Gontor: See, now that perfectly illustrates the whole problem. Instead of resigning yourself to your impossible circumstances, you need to punch an armored opponent you have no chance of defeating.
Unnamed Daughter: Get back!
Gontor: All because you must die honorably to avoid being sent to Hel's domain. It's so unfair, and robs your final moments of the dignity they deserve. Remember, team: This is why we're doing this. To bring change to a structurally biased system and put a more egalitarian one in its place. One whee "honorable death" no longer has any bearing on a dwarven soul's final resting place. Where everyone is condemned to eternal suffering, without the chance for a last-minute escape.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: Yeah!
Vampiress with Short Hair: Equal wrongs for all!

Spoiler: Strip 1157

Show

Holes and Walls
Gontor, Unnamed Matriarch, Vampiress with Curly Hair, Vampiress with Short Hair

Gontor: Take your seat in the Inner Chamber. Vote Yes on the main proposal, and follow and verbal instructions given to you by a vampire.
Unnamed Matriarch: Yes, OK...
Gontor: Off you go.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: Are you sure this is going to work? Seems like they should have defenses against this sort of thing.
Gontor: They do, but we are bypassing them, thanks to the knowledge our dearly departed sire gave me. The orange barrier at the foot of the stairs dispels all magic on anyone who passes through it.
Vampiress with Short Hair: That's why we're not putting the mind whammy on them until they hit the stairs.
Gontor: It also physically prevents anyone but the dwarves-or those of us walking around in dwarf bodies-from entering this Middle Chamber. The dwarves clearly believed they only needed to worry about influence from foreign sources, not from their own kind. Or maybe the ones who built this place wanted to quietly reserve the ability to tamper with the votes themselves. Who knows?
Vampiress with Curly Hair: OK, so... what does the blue barrier here at the top of the stairs do, then?
Gontor: Ah. It is a thing of beauty, really. Within the boundaries of the blue barrier, anyone violating dwarven law is turned to stone until the meeting is formally adjourned.
Vampiress with Curly Hair: What?!? Doesn't that include what we're doing?
Gontor: Not if we limit ourselves to verbal orders once we're inside. The laws don't prohibit simply talking! But they do explicitly forbid attacking or using any spell or supernatural ability on any creature during a council meeting. Any spell-including Dispel Magic! Even if Thor's people make it past our defenses, they will be powerless to break our control of the councilors inside the Inner Chamber. They will be forced to watch as our pawns usher in Hel's final victory! Bwee hee hee hee hee hee!
Vampiress with Short Hair: The blue one also blocks sound, or else the evil cackles would be a total giveaway.

Spoiler: Strip 1158

Show

Gatespender
Vampiress with Curly Hair, Gontor, Hel, Thrym

Vampiress with Curly Hair: I guess that sounds pretty good. But our master was really confident, and the adventurers found a way to-
Gontor: I'm not taking any chances with those savages, don't worry. I was just waiting until our thralls were the majority in there-which they now are, by my count. This body had a few scrolls on it when it died, and I see no reason not to use all of them to our advantage and give our mistress a chance to send in reinforcements. Gate!
<cutaway>
Hel: At last, this misbegotten wager will end and I will take my rightful place as queen of the Northern Gods.
Thrym: I am excited for you, because I am supportive of your professional achievements.
Hel: And if those mortal heroes think vampire spirits are the worst things I can make, I've got a surprise for them. Avenge my first priest, little one.
</cutaway>
Gontor: BEHOLD! Our enemies shall find naught but squirmy death!!
Hel: Are you kidding me? I set you up perfectly for a "worm food" quip! Come on, people, this is basic villain stuff!

As a side note, are you also the person who does the transcripts for the wiki?

[Caerulea]

Contributions are permitted, and encouraged, but people tend to claim segments to do, so they would do a set (usually of 50). I happened to have claimed 1150-1200. Perhaps you would like 1251-something? I am posting them in sets of 5, so there will be a bit of a delay between the strip going up and the transcriptions being posted.

Also, thank you for contributing your time.

—Caerulea

[TheWombatOfDoom]

It says contributions are allowed, so I hope this helps:
---
As a side note, are you also the person who does the transcripts for the wiki?

I do not transcribe the wiki but i believe they check their work on this one. People from there have contributed in the past.

As for your contributions, thank you! Currently the ones coming out are claimed, but I might shorten amounts being claimed in the future. Ultimately, one thing we desperately need right now is someone going through the existing transcription to search for errors. You can claim sections of that to do as well, or check the work of people who contribute on newer stuff like martian does.

One suggestion I have for the ones that you have given us is to make sure the character list is under the title rather than grouped with the transcript. Other wise it looked good.

[understatement]

Is it possible/necessary/redundant to have a separate thread for an Errors Compendium? It could start from 947 and onward, and it can check for grammar/syntax errors

and art ones too

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Is it possible/necessary/redundant to have a separate thread for an Errors Compendium? It could start from 947 and onward, and it can check for grammar/syntax errors

and art ones too

Why from 947 onward? I mean, that does sound like its own thread, and one thats been done previously.

[Mariele]

Ah, gotcha. I didn't mean to step on any toes, I just have done transcription work in the past and felt like I could churn out the latest three quickly and lighten what seems to be a heavy workload a touch.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Ah, gotcha. I didn't mean to step on any toes, I just have done transcription work in the past and felt like I could churn out the latest three quickly and lighten what seems to be a heavy workload a touch.

Absolutely no problem at all!

[understatement]

I assume that's where Book 6 starts...?

Er, do you have a link to this thread?

[Caerulea]

Wombat, you may want to update the first post with current claimed transcriptions.

—Caerulea

[TheWombatOfDoom]

I assume that's where Book 6 starts...?

Er, do you have a link to this thread?

Ah yes, sorry. Brain fart.

As for the thread, I'm not sure. I've seen incarnations in the past and I've had several who've wanted to in the past. The search function might help, or it might make you pull out your hair. You're also welcome to check the transcription for spelling mistakes!

Wombat, you may want to update the first post with current claimed transcriptions.

—Caerulea

Done, thanks!

[martianmister]

Spoiler: Strip 1159

Show

Worm's Eye View
Exarch, Nightcrawler, Haley, Vaarsuvius, Blackwing

Exarch: Defend this area.
Nightcrawler: OK.
Exarch: Excellent. Now let's—
Nightcrawler: Wait, which area? This area?
Exarch: Yes, this area here. This... uh...platform thing. Prevent anyone from getting through this door into the Middle Chamber. Anyone except us and our mind-controlled thralls.
Nightcrawler: OK, got it. Can I eat them?
Exarch: The thralls?
Nightcrawler: No, anyone trying to get past me. Can I eat them?
Exarch: Yes! Of course you can eat them! You're a giant death-worm, I summoned you primarily for the purpose of eating them!
Nightcrawler: You don't have to get mad, I just wanted to be sure.
Exarch: As I was saying, let's get inside. They'll be calling the meeting to order soon, and one of us should be in—
Nightcrawler: Wait, I have another question.
Exarch: What? What is it? This isn't that complicated!
Nightcrawler: It's nothing. Sorry. It's not a big deal. I just... ...I just wanted to know if the human, the elf, and the crow that just invisibly flew into the room are with you, or...?
Exarch: Invisibility Purge!
Haley: Darn it! Why do all the clerics have that spell prepared?
Vaarsuvius: Because invisibility is an exceedingly common battle tactic among adventurers of our level.
Haley: Yeah, but I just started using it, like, this week! Can't I get some sort of grace period?
Blackwing: Hey, can we stop talking and maybe focus on the invisible crow that's somewhere around here?

Spoiler: Strip 1160

Show

Returning Champions
Unnamed Vampire, Exarch, Vaarsuvius, Nightcrawler, Roy, Durkon, Elan, Belkar

Unnamed Vampire: They're here?!? Already??
Exarch: Back! Back inside the barrier!
Vaarsuvius: Forceca—
<sfx> THUNK! THUNK!
Nightcrawler: Gllnnnrgghh!
<sfx> FWOOSH!
Vaarsuvius: —age.
Exarch: Ha!
Roy: Ugh. So much for the element of suprise.
Durkon: Aye, no sense hangin' back now. Let's go!
<sfx> FWOO! FOOM! SLASH! WHAM!
Nightcrawler: Owwww!
<sfx> PWOK! WHUM!
Elan: Awwww, you have matching returning weapons now! That's so sweet! You're best boomerang buddies!!
Belkar: In related news, here comes my breakfast back up into my mouth.

Checked out some parts.

[knag]

As a side note, are you also the person who does the transcripts for the wiki?

I do most of those transcriptions, unless someone beats me to it.

I do not transcribe the wiki but i believe they check their work on this one. People from there have contributed in the past.

Ultimately, one thing we desperately need right now is someone going through the existing transcription to search for errors.

So I do check against these, but I'm sorry I haven't pointed out any corrections in these transcriptions in a while.

I've been meaning to make a script that would scrape all the transcripts from this thread and compare them to the wiki transcripts, accounting for the formatting differences, and the fact that the wiki includes some small descriptions of panels in some cases. If I ever get to that, it would be a really nice check on the whole series. It would be unlikely to find the same errors in both transcriptions, unless people were using one as the source for the other. It's a trivial matter to pull down all the wiki transcriptions, with pywikibot and other tools that exist for mediawiki, but writing something to navigate this thread and scrape out the transcripts is slightly harder. If someone has a plain text version of all the transcripts I could probably knock it out quickly.

[TheWombatOfDoom]

I do most of those transcriptions, unless someone beats me to it.

So I do check against these, but I'm sorry I haven't pointed out any corrections in these transcriptions in a while.

I've been meaning to make a script that would scrape all the transcripts from this thread and compare them to the wiki transcripts, accounting for the formatting differences, and the fact that the wiki includes some small descriptions of panels in some cases. If I ever get to that, it would be a really nice check on the whole series. It would be unlikely to find the same errors in both transcriptions, unless people were using one as the source for the other. It's a trivial matter to pull down all the wiki transcriptions, with pywikibot and other tools that exist for mediawiki, but writing something to navigate this thread and scrape out the transcripts is slightly harder. If someone has a plain text version of all the transcripts I could probably knock it out quickly.

I don't have a plain text version of this, but I do copy the entire transcript with the formatting into word to have a full document. I'm unfortunately without microsoft office currently so I haven't been able to update in awhile, and I'm sure you're interested in an un-formatted version in any case. Glad to have you following this! Also, you might find my annotation of the stick thread profitable for your project, if you're not already following that. I will say that one I could certainly use some help on. It hasn't gotten much love lately. In any case, I would love the help should you ever smooth out your issues in spelling errors, or what not. Glad to have you!

[knag]

I don't have a plain text version of this, but I do copy the entire transcript with the formatting into word to have a full document. I'm unfortunately without microsoft office currently so I haven't been able to update in awhile, and I'm sure you're interested in an un-formatted version in any case. Glad to have you following this! Also, you might find my annotation of the stick thread profitable for your project, if you're not already following that. I will say that one I could certainly use some help on. It hasn't gotten much love lately. In any case, I would love the help should you ever smooth out your issues in spelling errors, or what not. Glad to have you!

Word would be fine too. Just keeping me from having to scrape it from this thread is the main thing. You could put it up in google docs or something.

When I took over the wiki as admin, it was in bad shape, with large blocks of strips having empty or missing pages. I used the Annotation of the Stick to fill in some of those gaps, so on a few pages you might see some word for word copies of that thread. However, since I got it up to date I haven't been checking that thread. What do you need there?

[TheWombatOfDoom]

Word would be fine too. Just keeping me from having to scrape it from this thread is the main thing. You could put it up in google docs or something.

When I took over the wiki as admin, it was in bad shape, with large blocks of strips having empty or missing pages. I used the Annotation of the Stick to fill in some of those gaps, so on a few pages you might see some word for word copies of that thread. However, since I got it up to date I haven't been checking that thread. What do you need there?

It hasn't been updated in some time. So contributions would be great. Anything you think I'm missing that you think might be good.

I honestly never thought my projects impacted anything outside of the site. Its nice to know they've been of use!

[knag]

The "unnamed female dwarf" in 1165 is Hoskin's wife, first appearing in #1086. We don't know her name but that's a least a little better descriptor since we do know her relation ship to Durkon, she was at his ordination, etc.