LGBTAI+ #50: Warning: This topic has exceeded its maximum awesome level.

[Mono Vertigo]

So in less than a week's time, I will not be an audiologist any more. Some of you already know this story but about two months ago, I had major issues with anxiety that caused me to re-evaluate almost everything in my life - my job, my home, my future. So I've decided to ante up and resign and find out what I was actually supposed to do with my life before I ended up stuck in audiology for 12 years. Also seem to have acquired a therapist along the way as well, which has proved equal parts insightful, positive and horrifying. >.>

Also starting to wonder a little bit about my sexuality as well. It'll be interesting to see what happens next.

Good luck. Hope you figure things out very soon.

I can answer this.

Lenora Hepaunton and Melusine, Musashi's character and her persona in my persona game.
[shameless self-promotion]The game is always recruiting if anyone is interested.[/shameless self-promotion]

Yeah, that. Didn't win initiative there.
The more the merrier, join uuuussss~

[Heliomance]

Are you laughing because Charing Cross has a long wait, or because their service is bad, or because they don't like allowing bridging treatment?

I've been waiting 10 months so far since being referred, I've heard bad things from several sources about their service, and I don't know what their attitude to bridging treatment is but the only way you'll get hormones before your second Charing Cross appointment (3 months after your first, assuming you ever get a first) is to go private.

[Coidzor]

I've been waiting 10 months so far since being referred, I've heard bad things from several sources about their service, and I don't know what their attitude to bridging treatment is but the only way you'll get hormones before your second Charing Cross appointment (3 months after your first, assuming you ever get a first) is to go private.

Wasn't there also something about them "losing" your referral? Twice, if I'm recollecting correctly.

Edit:

Spoiler: TW: Queer Gaming

Show

So a person what I am of the acquaintance of worked on the soundtrack of a documentary about the queer side of gaming. This may be relevant to the interests of some of you, though the last time I mentioned it I believe someone hissed like a vampire, which I took to mean I had to include a trigger warning for that combination of things. Anyway, it just released today and is available for digital download and the trailer is up, and so on and so forth.

Spoiler: TW: The term "gaymer" may or may not be used or spoken in some form or another.

Show

le documentary link. You can check out more about it here and be able to purchase it if that tickles your fancy.

[Asta Kask]

I just watched "Star Wars III", which is actually quite decent, and now I wonder if there's a Queer Side of the Force. And if they have rainbow lightsabers.

[Heliomance]

Wasn't there also something about them "losing" your referral? Twice, if I'm recollecting correctly.

No, that was the psychiatrist that was supposed to be referring me in the first place.

[Lex-Kat]

I've been waiting 10 months so far since being referred, I've heard bad things from several sources about their service, and I don't know what their attitude to bridging treatment is but the only way you'll get hormones before your second Charing Cross appointment (3 months after your first, assuming you ever get a first) is to go private.

That sucks.

So far, I've been waiting about a month to hear back from the Psychologists at University of Michigan. My doctor has sent them a referal three times now, and suggests I call them (perhaps it'd help). I called them last Thursday... "Sorry, I'm on vacation until the 18th". And I called them yesterday, getting the same message. I plan to try again tomorrow. Hopefully they'll answer.

[SiuiS]

Are you laughing because Charing Cross has a long wait, or because their service is bad, or because they don't like allowing bridging treatment?

Oh, do we have to choose~?

I can answer this.

Lenora Hepaunton and Melusine, Musashi's character and her persona in my persona game.
[shameless self-promotion]The game is always recruiting if anyone is interested.[/shameless self-promotion]

Seconded.

Neat! I don't know, though. My experiences with play-by-post show that a lot of folks think it's not a commitment, so I avoid joining games I haven't vetted the players of for two years. I've had some great experiences, but they've been too short for my liking.

Wasn't there also something about them "losing" your referral? Twice, if I'm recollecting correctly.

Edit:

Spoiler: TW: Queer Gaming

Show

So a person what I am of the acquaintance of worked on the soundtrack of a documentary about the queer side of gaming. This may be relevant to the interests of some of you, though the last time I mentioned it I believe someone hissed like a vampire, which I took to mean I had to include a trigger warning for that combination of things. Anyway, it just released today and is available for digital download and the trailer is up, and so on and so forth.

Spoiler: TW: The term "gaymer" may or may not be used or spoken in some form or another.

Show

le documentary link. You can check out more about it here and be able to purchase it if that tickles your fancy.

Yeah, I remember that. I am gonna have to pass though; knew jerk reaction is that anything that's "normal activity for queer folks" makes it not about a normal activity and the people happen to be queer, so much as about queer mess and hey happen to be doing a normal activity in a queer way somehow. Too self-referential for my tastes although I'm slowly coming around.

I just watched "Star Wars III", which is actually quite decent, and now I wonder if there's a Queer Side of the Force. And if they have rainbow lightsabers.

Nah. There's not even supposed to be a Light Side. There is the force, which is neutral but somehow good (naturalistic fallacy?), and there is the perverse and selfish use of the force for one's own ends which is the corruptive dark side of the force.

There was never supposed to be aligned force. There was responsible use and "I'm a force-wielding ******* who channels the gods and nature but doesn't learn any humility or perspective from it, I just shoot lightning and live forever!" But that gets lost in all the merchandising.

[bluewind95]

So in less than a week's time, I will not be an audiologist any more. Some of you already know this story but about two months ago, I had major issues with anxiety that caused me to re-evaluate almost everything in my life - my job, my home, my future. So I've decided to ante up and resign and find out what I was actually supposed to do with my life before I ended up stuck in audiology for 12 years. Also seem to have acquired a therapist along the way as well, which has proved equal parts insightful, positive and horrifying. >.>

Also starting to wonder a little bit about my sexuality as well. It'll be interesting to see what happens next.

I wish you the best of luck!

[lord pringle]

Can I please have hugs? Reasons in spoiler below.

Spoiler: TW: Gender questioning, family issues, horrible depression and anxiety

Show

I can't tell if I'm make or female or what and it's adding the horrible cherry to the terrible cake that is my life right now.
My dad and my stepmom have basically been yelling at me for anything that I try to do, like not saying my emotions out of fear of the reaction, and then they've been yelling at me for not doing it. I have been called selfish too many times this week and it's adding to my massive trash heap of self loathing significantly.
One of my friends has been terrible in helping me (though the rest have actually been really nice) in that they also called me selfish indirectly in a way that would only make sense if you knew us.
But since you are internet people and can't help me deal with the fact that I get nauseous when I have to go home or when my parents get home, I'd like to ask for some help with my gender stuff. I can't tell if my desire to be a girl is a symptom of my self loathing or a cause of it. I want to be a girl and no, I don't know why, it just seems like it would be more comfortable and every time I try to talk to someone about this they ask me that and I never know what to say so I end up talking about what I'd do with my hair ANC clothes and then people think that I'm in this entirely for the looks, which is blatantly wrong. I could never look good enough to pull it off anyways. And now I've started doubting myself and I figure out if all the people doubting me are triggering me into a place of hating myself or if I'm legitimately doubting myself. And I'm so worried all the time and I hate myself so much I feel like I'm drowning.
Sorry for clogging this thread with my depressed rambles.

[golentan]

Is it too late to get neutered? My sexuality's jumping all over like a geiger counter in a leaky reactor.

[Lentrax]

Can I please have hugs? Reasons in spoiler below.

Spoiler: TW: Gender questioning, family issues, horrible depression and anxiety

Show

I can't tell if I'm make or female or what and it's adding the horrible cherry to the terrible cake that is my life right now.
My dad and my stepmom have basically been yelling at me for anything that I try to do, like not saying my emotions out of fear of the reaction, and then they've been yelling at me for not doing it. I have been called selfish too many times this week and it's adding to my massive trash heap of self loathing significantly.
One of my friends has been terrible in helping me (though the rest have actually been really nice) in that they also called me selfish indirectly in a way that would only make sense if you knew us.
But since you are internet people and can't help me deal with the fact that I get nauseous when I have to go home or when my parents get home, I'd like to ask for some help with my gender stuff. I can't tell if my desire to be a girl is a symptom of my self loathing or a cause of it. I want to be a girl and no, I don't know why, it just seems like it would be more comfortable and every time I try to talk to someone about this they ask me that and I never know what to say so I end up talking about what I'd do with my hair ANC clothes and then people think that I'm in this entirely for the looks, which is blatantly wrong. I could never look good enough to pull it off anyways. And now I've started doubting myself and I figure out if all the people doubting me are triggering me into a place of hating myself or if I'm legitimately doubting myself. And I'm so worried all the time and I hate myself so much I feel like I'm drowning.
Sorry for clogging this thread with my depressed rambles.

*hugs*

Don't worry about rambling to us. We'll always listen to it.

[Asta Kask]

Is it too late to get neutered? My sexuality's jumping all over like a geiger counter in a leaky reactor.

As a cat owner I only recommend neutering if you pee all over the apartment. And get into lots of fights with the neighbours.

*hugs* for you and pringle

[Philemonite]

Neat! I don't know, though. My experiences with play-by-post show that a lot of folks think it's not a commitment, so I avoid joining games I haven't vetted the players of for two years. I've had some great experiences, but they've been too short for my liking.

Yeah, play-by-post can be quite a female dog because of the inactivity, but in spite of that this game managed to survive for a very long time (8 months already). The story revolves around the group, not individuals, so when a few people leave it doesn't really stop the game. Plus, there are a few dedicated players that keep the game alive.

Can I please have hugs? Reasons in spoiler below.

Spoiler: TW: Gender questioning, family issues, horrible depression and anxiety

Show

I can't tell if I'm make or female or what and it's adding the horrible cherry to the terrible cake that is my life right now.
My dad and my stepmom have basically been yelling at me for anything that I try to do, like not saying my emotions out of fear of the reaction, and then they've been yelling at me for not doing it. I have been called selfish too many times this week and it's adding to my massive trash heap of self loathing significantly.
One of my friends has been terrible in helping me (though the rest have actually been really nice) in that they also called me selfish indirectly in a way that would only make sense if you knew us.
But since you are internet people and can't help me deal with the fact that I get nauseous when I have to go home or when my parents get home, I'd like to ask for some help with my gender stuff. I can't tell if my desire to be a girl is a symptom of my self loathing or a cause of it. I want to be a girl and no, I don't know why, it just seems like it would be more comfortable and every time I try to talk to someone about this they ask me that and I never know what to say so I end up talking about what I'd do with my hair ANC clothes and then people think that I'm in this entirely for the looks, which is blatantly wrong. I could never look good enough to pull it off anyways. And now I've started doubting myself and I figure out if all the people doubting me are triggering me into a place of hating myself or if I'm legitimately doubting myself. And I'm so worried all the time and I hate myself so much I feel like I'm drowning.
Sorry for clogging this thread with my depressed rambles.

Emergency hugs deployed.
I can't really help with trans* issues (there are plenty of other people in the thread who can), but I've been told I'm quite a good listener, and I am known to give a solid advice occasionally.

[Miriel]

Can I please have hugs? Reasons in spoiler below.

Spoiler: TW: Gender questioning, family issues, horrible depression and anxiety

Show

I can't tell if I'm make or female or what and it's adding the horrible cherry to the terrible cake that is my life right now.
My dad and my stepmom have basically been yelling at me for anything that I try to do, like not saying my emotions out of fear of the reaction, and then they've been yelling at me for not doing it. I have been called selfish too many times this week and it's adding to my massive trash heap of self loathing significantly.
One of my friends has been terrible in helping me (though the rest have actually been really nice) in that they also called me selfish indirectly in a way that would only make sense if you knew us.
But since you are internet people and can't help me deal with the fact that I get nauseous when I have to go home or when my parents get home, I'd like to ask for some help with my gender stuff. I can't tell if my desire to be a girl is a symptom of my self loathing or a cause of it. I want to be a girl and no, I don't know why, it just seems like it would be more comfortable and every time I try to talk to someone about this they ask me that and I never know what to say so I end up talking about what I'd do with my hair ANC clothes and then people think that I'm in this entirely for the looks, which is blatantly wrong. I could never look good enough to pull it off anyways. And now I've started doubting myself and I figure out if all the people doubting me are triggering me into a place of hating myself or if I'm legitimately doubting myself. And I'm so worried all the time and I hate myself so much I feel like I'm drowning.
Sorry for clogging this thread with my depressed rambles.

You're not clogging anything. This is a support thread.

Yeah... "Why?" Such a horrible question. You can always turn it back on them, ask them "why" they feel right with their birth assigned gender.

And it's not true you won't look good. How can you know that?

I'll try to answer in more detail later this evening. Exam coming up.

[razovor]

Does anyone know the effects of Hyperandrogenism on transwomen?

My family has a high frequency of PCOS, which in males can cause high testosterone levels.

I have a blood test in a few weeks that I assume would check those levels.

I assume If my testosterone levels were high i might be given something to reduce them. I wonder whether that would affect my gender dysphoria.

I'm vaguely interested whether being trans and having high testosterone could have affected my early development. My social skills were pretty poor when i was a kid, and my memory has never been up to scratch.

[Asta Kask]

I assume If my testosterone levels were high i might be given something to reduce them. I wonder whether that would affect my gender dysphoria.

AFAICT, treatment for hyperandrogenism is spironolactone or something similar. In my very limited experience, some trans women get a reduction of their GD after getting treatment, which would include spironolactone. But is that because of spironolactone, or because of estrogen, or because they know that they are getting treatment? I don't know. And I don't think anyone else does either.

This study suggests that HRT reduces dysphoria in FtM transsexuals. I don't know if they dissect the treatment to see what's causing what, though.

[Heliomance]

Does anyone know the effects of Hyperandrogenism on transwomen?

My family has a high frequency of PCOS, which in males can cause high testosterone levels.

Surely poly cystic ovary syndrome by definition requires ovaries. Thus it's unlikely to be commonly seen in males and trans women.

[noparlpf]

Surely poly cystic ovary syndrome by definition requires ovaries. Thus it's unlikely to be commonly seen in males and trans women.

This paper says it might show up in males.

[Asta Kask]

Suppose it's caused by a gene. If this gene crops up in females it causes polycystic ovaries and a lot of other symptoms. If it crops up in males (and I'm talking sex here, not gender) then it may cause the other symptoms even though there are no ovaries to polycyst. Maybe it also has manifestations unique to males. Now, in that case it's a fluke of history that it's called PCO - the fluke being that it was described in females first.

[razovor]

Suppose it's caused by a gene. If this gene crops up in females it causes polycystic ovaries and a lot of other symptoms. If it crops up in males (and I'm talking sex here, not gender) then it may cause the other symptoms even though there are no ovaries to polycyst. Maybe it also has manifestations unique to males. Now, in that case it's a fluke of history that it's called PCO - the fluke being that it was described in females first.

I do believe that is how it works. It can I believe be observed before birth by looking at a child ovaries during development, but it is caused by genetics, when males can also have.

I understand one of the common signs in men is baldness or excessive hairiness. My head hair is particularly thick.

[Astrella]

Mew, got new meds prescribed for anxiety which will hopefully help more.

Got stared at a bunch in town though and even pointed at and laughed at by a few guys... which really doesn't help with both my self-image and it being hard to go outside.

[razovor]

Mew, got new meds prescribed for anxiety which will hopefully help more.

Good to hear. Hope you're not too anxious soon.

[Lady Serpentine]

*huggles Lena* Really, dear, you look quite nice. The people in question are just idiots. A'ight?

[BladeofObliviom]

Got stared at a bunch in town though and even pointed at and laughed at by a few guys... which really doesn't help with both my self-image and it being hard to go outside.

That sucks. No one should be able to just do that kind of thing, especially without any kind of justification. Just being "weird" in their eyes does not count as a justification. Or at least not a valid one.




For my own part, I've been having kind of a sh*tty week so far.

Spoiler: TW: Acephobia? Is that a word? Also, Spoilers for The Great Gatsby if you haven't read it

Show

Got into an argument with my brother over The Great Gatsby because he insisted that Daisy Buchanan was somehow a sympathetic character despite having no redeeming qualities whatsoever because she "was forced into a loveless marriage" and "accidentally killed Myrtle and fled out of fear, not apathy" and "you don't have any proof that she didn't really love Gatsby."

When I disagreed with him on this matter for reasons that really should be obvious, he told me to my face that I'm somehow "incapable of understanding relationships like normal people do," and insinuated that I'm somehow emotionally less than human.

Because I'm ace, apparently my opinions and analysis don't matter on anything that has to do with love ever, which is basically all art because people often think about that sort of thing. And obviously he's the expert on romance, what with his 16 years of life and girlfriend and all, right?

I got pretty angry at him after that, because I have some mild temper issues and he just managed to push every button on the board at once, so I threw my office chair at the wall to send the rage in a direction other than a sucker punch to the brat.

He of course proceeded to interpret this as him being completely right, because why else would I become angry at such an insulting statement?

Sometimes I wish that I could be as eloquent and calm in real life as I can be on the internet.

[Lentrax]

Mew, got new meds prescribed for anxiety which will hopefully help more.

Got stared at a bunch in town though and even pointed at and laughed at by a few guys... which really doesn't help with both my self-image and it being hard to go outside.

*hugs*

You are a very good looking young woman, Lena.

And those Bas***** that laughed at you are nothing more than self-righteous pricks who can only get their kicks by making themselves feel better about themselves by making someone else feel bad about themselves.

If it wasn't you honey, it would have been the old lady down the block, or the guy who gets cut off by a jerk in a hurry.

Don't let it bother you. Just go home and relax.

You'll feel better soon enough, hon.

[Nix Nihila]

*hug offers and well-wishes for Succubus, lord_pringle, and BladeofObliviom*

Mew, got new meds prescribed for anxiety which will hopefully help more.

Got stared at a bunch in town though and even pointed at and laughed at by a few guys... which really doesn't help with both my self-image and it being hard to go outside.

*offers hugs*

Ugh. I can't stand people like that. Maybe it would be good to try to remember that sometimes even cis women get clocked as trans*. I think the general public is pretty rapidly becoming more aware of trans* people, so now some people look for "tells" that they're just imagining.

If it helps at all, from the photos I've seen of you, you are a gorgeous, lovely woman. And I've worked in the fashion industry, so I'm more qualified to say than some random asshats on the street.

[Asta Kask]

Mew, got new meds prescribed for anxiety which will hopefully help more.

Got stared at a bunch in town though and even pointed at and laughed at by a few guys... which really doesn't help with both my self-image and it being hard to go outside.

Hope your new medicines work. And know that I find you adorkable.

Also, since this is Shakespeare's Day, I copied Sonnet #20 . with no one particular in mind, but I thought it might interest you.

A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted
Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion;
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue, all hues in his controlling,
Much steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth.
And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure.

[golentan]

Mew, got new meds prescribed for anxiety which will hopefully help more.

Got stared at a bunch in town though and even pointed at and laughed at by a few guys... which really doesn't help with both my self-image and it being hard to go outside.

I would point and laugh at you, but only if you were wearing a shirt with a hilarious joke, in which case I would make it clear I was laughing at the shirt. My more typical reaction would be stammering shyness. You are a very cute lady.

[Irish Musician]

Mew, got new meds prescribed for anxiety which will hopefully help more.

Got stared at a bunch in town though and even pointed at and laughed at by a few guys... which really doesn't help with both my self-image and it being hard to go outside.

You are adorable, lady, and don't let anyone's prejudice tell you differently. You just keep doing your thing if it makes you happy, which it should because it is who you are.

*hugs*

You are a very good looking young woman, Lena.

And those Bas***** that laughed at you are nothing more than self-righteous pricks who can only get their kicks by making themselves feel better about themselves by making someone else feel bad about themselves.

If it wasn't you honey, it would have been the old lady down the block, or the guy who gets cut off by a jerk in a hurry.

Don't let it bother you. Just go home and relax.

You'll feel better soon enough, hon.

Seconded!

Also, since this is Shakespeare's Day, I copied Sonnet #20 . with no one particular in mind, but I thought it might interest you.

I'll ALWAYS upvote Bill.

Matthew

[Mono Vertigo]

Mew, got new meds prescribed for anxiety which will hopefully help more.

Got stared at a bunch in town though and even pointed at and laughed at by a few guys... which really doesn't help with both my self-image and it being hard to go outside.

They're morons. They would point and laugh at the Queen of England, or Mr. Rogers*, or Freddy Mercury*, if they walked across the street.
I'm mentally pointing at them and laughing. There. Because I'm petty and ineffective like that.
Oh, and if hugs would help, have some. *hugs*

*I personally would panic and run away. Nothing personal, it's just that I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to meet dead people.

That sucks. No one should be able to just do that kind of thing, especially without any kind of justification. Just being "weird" in their eyes does not count as a justification. Or at least not a valid one.




For my own part, I've been having kind of a sh*tty week so far.

Spoiler: TW: Acephobia? Is that a word? Whatever.

Show

Got into an argument with my brother over The Great Gatsby because he insisted that Daisy Buchanan was somehow a sympathetic character despite having no redeeming qualities whatsoever because she "was forced into a loveless marriage" and "accidentally killed Myrtle and fled out of fear, not apathy" and "you don't have any proof that she didn't really love Gatsby."

When I disagreed with him on this matter for reasons that really should be obvious, he told me to my face that I'm somehow "incapable of understanding relationships like normal people do," and insinuated that I'm somehow emotionally less than human.

Because I'm ace, apparently my opinions and analysis don't matter on anything that has to do with love ever, which is basically all art because people often think about that sort of thing. And obviously he's the expert on romance, what with his 16 years of life and girlfriend and all, right?

I got pretty angry at him after that, because I have some mild temper issues and he just managed to push every button on the board at once, so I threw my office chair at the wall to send the rage in a direction other than a sucker punch to the brat.

He of course proceeded to interpret this as him being completely right, because why else would I become angry at such an insulting statement?

Sometimes I wish that I could be as eloquent and calm in real life as I can be on the internet.

Spoiler

Show

Oh yeah, us aces are sociopaths. We can't relate to other people.
I'm only a part-time sociopath myself. Sometimes, I understand love and sincerely deep feelings, sometimes I forget all about it.
On the other hand, he's *sexual (bi or hetero, doesn't matter), so that must mean he doesn't get platonic relationships at all. Friendship, stuff like that. That probably makes you superior somehow, since you can have a thousand friends, but he can't have a thousand lovers. (Or rather, he can try, but I'm also fairly sure a polyamorous relationship would get pretty damn hard to manage with one thousand people involved.)


Sarcasm aside (and hope nobody here who's not asexual took the statements above seriously), I'll be tempted to reply that his being 16 is enough explanation (not justification, of course) for what he said. I said some thoughtless, terrible crap when I was 16. Many teens can be terrible like that. Plus, since he has a girlfriend, he might indeed believe he knows all there is to know about love and feelings; he probably hasn't encountered sentimental hardships and failures yet. Hopefully, he'll very soon reach the point where he can reflect on this statement with a fully-matured mind and be properly ashamed of his previous statement.