1001+ ways to screw with your DM/Party

[Oddman80]

#898
Play a high INT, but fairly weak mundane character (swashbuckler, maybe...). When you reach lvl 3 and your party casters still haven't gotten level 2 spells yet... And the other mundanes are trying to decide if they want to blow all their cash on a +1 weapon, or not.... Go in and purchase a single +1 Thundering /(Elder) Earth Elemental Power Shuriken.

Due to ammunition pricing, it should only cost just over 1400 gp. Do not throw this weapon EVER!!!! But enjoy, because you now have access to a 9th level spell once /day, as you can now summon an Elder Earth Elemental for 17 rounds to fight your battles for you.

What? You only have 25 hp? That's cool - the elemental has 225 hp.

[Oddman80]

#899
This one works well if you have a DM that tends to start campaigns in taverns and the like.

Play a CN Ranger. Have the trait "Uncivilizjed" and the Flaws "Individualist" and "Loner"

Use the majority of your starting wealth on obtaining an explosive ruin on a small peice of paper (180 gp). Write neatly on the other side of the sheet "I appoligize. I'm not good at speaking with strangers. I generally prefer working alone. Please don't take this personally, its just that - "
And put a little arrow sign at the end to indicate that there is more on the other side.

Right as the campaign begins, and the characters have met each other, and you are all sitting around a table discussing the plan (come on, something like this always happens early on), place the piece of paper (message side up) in the middle of the table..

This is best done with an in-person group, using a prop that you actually place on the game table , as you act out your Ranger getting up from the table (Excusing himself to go take a leak) and walking away. The flip side of the prop should just say KABOOM, B*TCHES!

When you hear the other players react, say from the next room, [Character Name] walked out of the tavern, and keep going into the night. He is a RANGER Damn it!! And he didn't need a party of strangers getting in his way.

[Ferronach]

#897
If DM ever accuses you of powergaming, offer to play the next campaign as a lvl1 dirt farming commoner. Use starting wealth to buy a shovel, and a cart. Write elaborate back story that is really more of a business plan, whereby you character starts offering to collect the village's waste to help clean up the town, for just a minor fee. Use the waste on an unclaimed crop of land to start making compost, which you sell back to local farmers as the best soil money can buy. Slowly grow your composting/waste management business, until you need to move to a big city, hire employees, and horses and wagons. Create franchises in neighboring towns/cities, whereby you gain loyal business partners by training homeless beggers off the street, pay for an apartment for them, and train them in the waste management/compost trade.
Become hella rich and decide with the influx of cash (minimum 8,000 gp/month on top of you mr accrued wealth) you feel like setting off on an adventure... And that's where you enter the DMs story...

What??? Your just a lvl 1 commoner.

A lvl 1 commoner that annihilated WBL and owns all of the best gear.... with the leadership feat and essentially an army of willing loyal followers.... muahahahaha! Delicious!

[Chester]

#900

Apply the Half-Farspawn template to an octopus.

[Jurai]

901: Apply the Half-Dragon template to a treant, and then kill it and make books with it. Tell the party that it is a sentient, Good-aligned spell book. Each book has a contingent True Resurrection and a Mind Seed stating that whoever it sees upon resurrection is who killed it.

[razorfloss]

901: Apply the Half-Dragon template to a treant, and then kill it and make books with it. Tell the party that it is a sentient, Good-aligned spell book. Each book has a contingent True Resurrection and a Mind Seed stating that whoever it sees upon resurrection is who killed it.

now that is evil funny but evil

[Mystia]

This is awesome! Now what should be the DC? 10+1/2HD+Cha seems like a good place to start, seeing as this is the DC for Frightful Presence

It makes me happy to know someone else liked the idea
Sure, that's something along the lines what I had in mind. I'm also thinking about maybe a cumulative +1 bonus to the DC for every other Spooky or Scary Skeleton also present, but the PCs would only have to roll once to save against being Spooked and once against being Scared.
Maybe the PCs are still Shaken on a successful save? I mean, they're terribly spooky and scary skeletons, after all.
Oh, and a +5 to the DC if you get surprised by the skeletons is a given!
edit: typos

[Thealtruistorc]

#900

Apply the Half-Farspawn template to an octopus.

900b. Up it's intelligence to the point where it can grab feats and have it take touch of golden ice.

[Yael]

900c Name it Shuma Gorath.

[Oddman80]

#902
Not sure what the CR would be for this, but screw it. As a DM, send Keledrath's Totemist 20 build after a party...

Full Totemist is really fun for silly amounts of dice. I have a Totemist 20 build that does, in one round
528d4 fire damage
32d6 fire damage
32d6 cold damage
32d6 acid damage
32d6 electricity damage
32d6 untyped damage
and 32x Str mod damage (distributed among the various attacks)

Spoiler: Build

Show

Totemist 20, grab Expanded Soulmeld Capacity x2 and Double Bind (Totem and Waist). Get an Incarnum Belt. Bind Manticore Belt and Heart of Fire to Totem and Waist, and select them for ESC, raising their cap to 8 (4 normal, 2 Totem, 1 ESC, 1 Incarnum Focus). Get an Amulet of Natural Attacks keyed to Spikes with Flaming, Corrosive, Frost, and Shocking. Get a Belt of Battle. Activate Totem Embodiment.

Now, as a standard action, you can throw 16 spikes, each of which does 1d6 each of untyped (Manticore Belt damage is technically untyped), fire, cold, electrical, and acid, +Str Mod, +16d4 from Heart of Fire. Activate Belt of Battle and do it twice.
Congrats, with your move action still available, you just rolled almost 700 dice (688, to be precise)

[Xalos]

wow 902 already! nice! almost there, less than 100 to go! lets add some more shall we?

903. As DM: Put your PCs up to a limitless horde of monsters to where they WILL die, and right as they are about to die have an important NPC jump in, block the attack that will kill the last PC and save the whole part.

904. Have a random gold beggar attempt to pickpocket ALL the PCs gold if the PC declines to help... give the rogue a +15 sleight of hand.

905. Make a badass epic battle where the PCs can win (maybe 1 or 2 deaths) IF they use a really good strategy, but they WILL all die (full party wipe) if they don't use a good strategy

[rg9000]

906. As a PC, accept every deal anyone offers you.

[nedz]

906. As a PC, accept every deal anyone offers you.

Even ones like this, obviously.

[Jurai]

907 Feed your party undead flesh with a Contingent True Resurrection it. Laugh when they all die from having a living person rip through their stomachs, like Chestbursters.

[Ferronach]

908: Have a fairly high level party walk unknowingly into a Kobold convention focused on Kobold rights and equality. Make sure that thousands are in attendance and that an anti-magic field is present... those little pipsqueaks will crit eventually....

[evangaline]

909: Play a wizard with alzheimer
909b: Have the wizard be a druid who is convinced that he is a master of the arcane. When they say something about it just respond with: 'are you sure?' or 'you seem to be delusional, you must be forgetting some things'
909c: Keep forgetting everyone's name
909d: Have a nice conversation with the BBEG because 'you forgot you were here to stop him'

910: Offer to boost up the party rogue is hiding check. Instead of giving him camouflage you cast deeper darkness on his clothing. Bonus points if you were the druid from 909 and 'you were sure he asked you for this spell... wait, what spell?'

[nedz]

908b: Have a fairly high level party walk unknowingly into a Kobold Sorcerer's convention focused on Kobold rights and equality. Make sure that thousands are in attendance and they have a wide selection of spamable low level spells available...

[aethel27]

908c
Have the kobolds be trained in guerrilla tactics...... proceed to terrorize the party....and find a way to hurt that damn crit immune dwarven stonelord....

[Jurai]

911 As the party is walking to a tower, have a blind dragon slam into it, knocking it down and destroying all the loot. Then have the players arrested for murdering a dragon.

[Inevitability]

912 The moment one of the PC's does something ever-so-slightly unlawful, they become the primary target of Paladin Dread; Judge and Executioner. He knows no mercy, pity, or sense of perspective, and will do everything to kill them. He's also got a wizard cohort who does nothing but creating Clones of him, for more fun even if Dread dies.

[aethel27]

912b
his trainee Lawful Neutral Inquisitor also happens to be gestalted in to a psion....she isnt very nice towards you.

[razorfloss]

912c be a diplomancer bard and talk them into only attacking the party while u get away of scott free

[aethel27]

no no that doesnt work, the psion is doing detect lies constantly and they have max sense motive I mean this IS Judge DREAD..... you think he's gonna believe your diplomancer bard?

[razorfloss]

yes because i did not lie just didn't tell the whole truth

[Extra Anchovies]

913 Tell the party you'll be playing a Paladin. Play a LG Soulborn.

[Ferronach]

908c
Have the kobolds be trained in guerrilla tactics...... proceed to terrorize the party....and find a way to hurt that damn crit immune dwarven stonelord....

Death by crushing and suffocation?

[blackstone451]

914. As a player in a gunpowder tech level game, play a gun fighting specialist that has a loader named Alfred.

Bonus points if you play a wiz/sor and have a bat as your familier

[blackstone451]

915: Play a cleric (or other healer) and charge the party for your magical healing services.

If they refuse hire assasins to kill them

[razorfloss]

914. As a player in a gunpowder tech level game, play a gun fighting specialist that has a loader named Alfred.

Bonus points if you play a wiz/sor and have a bat as your familier

i feel like i should know this but i don't what is it?

[geekintheground]

i feel like i should know this but i don't what is it?

batman. by gun fighting he didnt mean "fights with guns" he meant "fights guns"