1001+ ways to screw with your DM/Party

[ArqArturo]

189. "I think I'll play an Elan psion... *a few hours later* I make a craft check to make a sandwich".

[Angelalex242]

190:In an evil campaign, a holy hitsquad of clerics and paladins backed up by celestials makes life miserable for the PCs wherever they go.
191:Any theft done by a PC likewise calls out the Holy Hitsquad, so stealing that sword +1 leads to a TPK.

[ArqArturo]

190:In an evil campaign, a holy hitsquad of clerics and paladins backed up by celestials makes life miserable for the PCs wherever they go.
191:Any theft done by a PC likewise calls out the Holy Hitsquad, so stealing that sword +1 leads to a TPK.

I tried 190 once. It ended with the players throwing dice at me. Worst still, it was their previous characters from another campaign.

[Angelalex242]

If they threw dice at you, it means you did well, young padawan.

192:Always keep the character sheets of your players as a GM. When they play an evil campaign, you get to use their own characters to kill them with. Of course, you can use their evil characters to attack their good characters too.

[John Longarrow]

193. During the game you surf the internet on your laptop because "All that talking stuff is boring".
194. Your entire motivation for playing is so you can "Face Rape" something.

NOTE: 194 was in ONE session. ONE. NO MORE.

195. Sexting during a session.

See comment on 194.

And people wonder why DMs don't jump at the chance to let people into their games...

[Dread_Head]

196. When starting a sandbox campaign spend the entire session going to the pub and waiting for something interesting to happen.
197. Use roleplaying this as an excuse to get drunk OOC.
198. Automatically attack everything you meet in a dungeon even you know one of the players has died and is going to be introducing a new character soon.
199. When in a losing fight against demons and the party is all on very low health and has just agreed to run away decide to kill one more demon. The one which you know from previous experience explodes and causes damage in a radius when it dies.

[Story]

28. DON'T change any pregenerated module to make party appropriate encounters.

I actually had that happen throughout the last campaign I was in. The group consisted of minmaxers, so the party got more and more shamelessly OP over time while the DM continued to run pre-made adventure modules without any optimization or scaling of the threat. By the end, we were effortlessly sailing through dungeons designed to be challenging for a party 3 levels higher.

[Socksy]

200: Slowly start role-playing as Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory OOC. Wait for someone to notice. Slip in the occasional 'Bazinga' if you have to.

[Thealtruistorc]

201: Create Water in pants

202: Throw explosives down every dungeon hallway

203: Hugging your quarry while a fellow party member attempts a diplomacy check

204: Fly over a barricade

205: Perform (Chippendales)

These all come from experience

[Hangwind]

205: Perform (Chippendales)

Wouldn't that be Perform(Burlesque)? If you can select a specific group to perform as though

My next session is going to be fun!

[Raimun]

206. You know the paladin code and how it restricts you and your party? Invent your own code! Eg. Fighter Code.
207. You do not talk about Fighter Code.
208. You do not talk about Fighter Code!

[ArqArturo]

209. Play a bard that only sings when he bathes.

[Judge_Worm]

210. Play a barbarian, stay illiterate, put all skill points in diplomacy, bluff, speak language, and various knowledge domains. Use all feats on things like leadership, and skill focus.

211. As a wizard use all skills and feats like a martial class, wear the heaviest armor you can. Attack with melee. Use all spells for mundane purposes (speak with dead to ask where the bathroom is, magic missile to open a window, fill spellbook with explosive runes, wish to tie shoes, etc.)

[Kazudo]

212. Be a ranged fighter who specializes into shooting into combat. Don't take Precise Shot.
213. Be the DM of the group with 212 in it. Use critical failure rules.

[ArqArturo]

214. Always forget your character sheet at home. If the DM insists on keeping the character sheet, write it in the worst letter as possible (although this would be detrimental for everyone).

215. Eat crunchy snacks when roleplaying. Or...

216. When the DM is describing something, go to the kitchen to look for a soda. If you can't find one, ask him where's the X soda.

[Yael]

210. Play a barbarian, stay illiterate, put all skill points in diplomacy, bluff, speak language, and various knowledge domains. Use all feats on things like leadership, and skill focus.

You are describing my president.

217. DM: Run a game with 14 players.
218. DM: Try to have all of them pay attention to your game.
219. DM: Fail Miserably.

217b. Player: Run a game composed by other 13 players and only one DM.
218b. Player: Don't play attention to the game.
219b. Player: Profit.

[Amphetryon]

You are describing my president.

217. DM: Run a game with 14 players.
218. DM: Try to have all of them pay attention to your game.
219. DM: Fail Miserably.

217b. Player: Run a game composed by other 13 players and only one DM.
218b. Player: Don't play attention to the game.
219b. Player: Profit.

220: Run a 'come one, come all' game where attendance varies from 3 Players to 18 Players within 2 weeks. Attempt to create a cohesive plot and appropriate challenges before arriving at the game.

[sideswipe]

220: Run a 'come one, come all' game where attendance varies from 3 Players to 18 Players within 2 weeks. Attempt to create a cohesive plot and appropriate challenges before arriving at the game.

i am currently GMing a homebrew (by me) system in which i can have between 2 and 9 players each week. so i know the feeling. they are also all noobs bar the exception of two so they have no idea what unit coherency is.

it is fun to try and run it well

[Bullet06320]

221: play a dwarf with weapon focus halfing, and always start combat by tossing the party halfing at the enemy
222: play a dwarf with ranks in drunken singing, then actually rp it
223: play a dwarf that thinks gems are shiny snacks
224: play a dwarf with all 3 of the above

[Jormengand]

225: Play an Incarnate with leadership. Your followers are a Paladin, Paladin of Slaughter, Paladin of Freedom and paladin of Tyranny. Have fun.

[sideswipe]

226. say you will be the party healer - play an expert with the heal skill maxed out.
227. when they complain role a factotum with Opportunistic piety and say you "can heal"
228. say fine someone else be healer. i will play specialist. specialise only in craft and performing.
229. when they say you are not useful to the party bring PUN-PUN and complain the rest are pathetic and holding you back and provide no help to the party.

[Inevitability]

230. LARP in a non-LARP campaign.

231. Don't LARP in a LARP campaign.

[Zubrowka74]

148. Play a Bard — Roleplay your music by singing the same annoying pop song in every combat.

A Rick-rolling Bard?

[Xaroth]

232. Have the party become incredibly skeptical about casting a wish spell by making them get incredibly specific unless they want to suffer the consequences.

Suffering the consequences example:
DM: Trev's throat is cut.
*bleeds out*
Me: I use one of my wishes on my Ring.
DM: What's your wish?
Me: I wish he reverted to how he was when he woke up.
DM: ...alright, he's alive with his throat cut and he bleeds out. Again.

233. Grant the party time to think out and carefully plan out their wish. Then turn it around horribly.

DM: Dante's lower half is gone.
Austin: I summon a Djinni to grant a wish!
DM: Oh great(!) What's your wish? Now think about this carefully.
*spend 10 minutes carefully planning out the phrasing of the wish*
Austin: I wish Dante had legs that were perfect for his size, perfect for his race, his stature, his physical attributes, everything. I wish for him to have a set of legs perfect for him and in perfect condition.
*the Djinni rips Trev's legs off and attaches them to Dante*

[ArqArturo]

232. Have the party become incredibly skeptical about casting a wish spell by making them get incredibly specific unless they want to suffer the consequences.

Suffering the consequences example:
DM: Trev's throat is cut.
*bleeds out*
Me: I use one of my wishes on my Ring.
DM: What's your wish?
Me: I wish he reverted to how he was when he woke up.
DM: ...alright, he's alive with his throat cut and he bleeds out. Again.

233. Grant the party time to think out and carefully plan out their wish. Then turn it around horribly.

DM: Dante's lower half is gone.
Austin: I summon a Djinni to grant a wish!
DM: Oh great(!) What's your wish? Now think about this carefully.
*spend 10 minutes carefully planning out the phrasing of the wish*
Austin: I wish Dante had legs that were perfect for his size, perfect for his race, his stature, his physical attributes, everything. I wish for him to have a set of legs perfect for him and in perfect condition.
*the Djinni rips Trev's legs off and attaches them to Dante*

I really can't do it. One of my friends is an attorney.

You are describing my president.

We share the pain .

[Oddman80]

the Djinni rips Trev's legs off and attaches them to Dante*

Ha! I just snarfed at work.
Thanks for the laugh, despite the embarrassment.

[Angelalex242]

Alive with his throat cut and he bleeds out, again...

'That still takes 10 rounds to bleed out. Did nobody have a cure light wounds?'
'But if they didn't, it should be noted that if they do resurrect him again, he's actually down /2/ levels. Wish is not True Res, and it does not prevent level loss. Bummer.'

[Xaroth]

Alive with his throat cut and he bleeds out, again...

'That still takes 10 rounds to bleed out. Did nobody have a cure light wounds?'
'But if they didn't, it should be noted that if they do resurrect him again, he's actually down /2/ levels. Wish is not True Res, and it does not prevent level loss. Bummer.'

Nobody did, it was actually kinda sad. I had potions of cure serious wounds but that's it.

It eventually got to a gross misinterpretation that reverted the epic-level character to first level.

[Angelalex242]

How'd THAT one happen? A wish simply can't impose that many negative levels. You'd have trouble doing that with maximized empowered energy drain. (Which would deal 8+1d4 negative levels.)

Otherwise, next evil superboss I see, I just wish him down to level 1.

[Xaroth]

How'd THAT one happen? A wish simply can't impose that many negative levels. You'd have trouble doing that with maximized empowered energy drain. (Which would deal 8+1d4 negative levels.)

Otherwise, next evil superboss I see, I just wish him down to level 1.

I wished that he woke up in the condition he was a night before that night and he ended up waking up in the condition he was in when he woke up the day after his graduation from wizardry college, which is where his character began from.