Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

[the OOD]

Remember kids: a good thief can steal everything that isn't nailed down, on fire, part of the building, or trying to kill them. Skilled adventurers have been known to leave behind far less that that.

WARNING: I may need to sig this.

@DigoDragon are your majestic 12 related to the Magestic-12 from delta-green?

[DigoDragon]

@DigoDragon are your majestic 12 related to the Magestic-12 from delta-green?

No relation I'm afraid.
Some of them were just into UFO conspiracies.

[DigoDragon]

Izumi: "I'm taking a nap. GM, put me down as a 'Yes' to my God."
GM: "Okay, we have one in the 'Yes' pile."
Xander: "Lucky you, I didn't get a choice in the matter."
Izumi: "It's okay, I'm bringing you all peril and doom."
Xander: "Really? I smell big Exps coming my way then."
Max: "That's not helping our situation."
Xander: "Our situation was doomed from the start. Name a deity that the GM is going to use to screw us over with."
Izar: "All of them."
GM: "Ding, that's the number two answer!"
Max: *Breaks down and cries*

Xander: "I would have played a druid, but I hate hugging trees in a gorilla suit."

Max: "Where are you going?"
Xander: "I'm scouting the town, seeing where everything is laid."
Max: :D :D :D
Xander: "As in where the buildings are located."
Max: D: D: D:

Xander: "Wait, so Max has the half-orc in a headlock, but his feet aren't touching the ground?"

Izar: "These people are making me look bad."
Xander: "Being a half-human, they only make you look half bad."

Billy: "Excuse me while I perform a little clairvoyance of my own." (Passes out)

GM: "You're at the library, what are you looking for?"
Xander: "Recent news on the Order of Hermes. Promotions, Deaths, gossip."
GM: "Not looking up the last 100 years of the order?"
Xander: "Even as an elf I don't have that much time."

GM: "Bad thing is that Paladins don't normally congregate. If they do, there's a problem."
Xander: "Isn't that called a Crusade?"

GM: "Nothing says death like GM notes on a Hello Kitty note pad."

Professor Coolidge: "I'm looking for a group to clear out an excavation site. I'd like to teach Archeology in the quarry, not let my students become Archeology."
Xander: "Fair enough, we can do that for the right price."
Professor Coolidge: (Coughing fit) "Sorry, old age."
Xander: "Ah yes. Totally understandable." (Breaks down in giggles)

GM: "Make a Spot check Xander."
Xander: "See Spot check." (Rolls a 20) "Check Spot, check well!"
GM: "Here's a Hello Kitty note."
Xander: (Reads the note) "See Spot die."

GM: "Illusionary Terrain Testing, 20GP payment per day."
Xander: "Regardless whether or not you disbelieve you're actually there?"

Spoiler: More Quotes Here

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Billy: "I remember my name, it's D Minus!"

Xander: "What did I miss?"
GM: "A female drow named Whoopie Goldberg."
Izar: "And Johnny Fever teaches evocation spells."
Xander: "... I missed a lot."

Xander: "Are you alright Max? You're bleeding."
Max: "I got jabbed at the Omega House when a game of Halfling Ball got rowdy."
Xander: "Redundant, but go on."

Xander: "We'll be working in a week to clear a quarry for the professor of Archaeology. I have reason to believe he's a necromancer."
Max: "Say again?!"
Xander: "Our employer may be a necromancer."
Izar: "As long as he's not a gray furred catfolk."
Xander: "Funny that you should describe him so accurately."
Izar: "You have GOT to be joking."
Xander: "I'm an elf, do I look like I'm joking?"

Xander: "The Order of Hermes has a fiscal budget that's bounding up exponentially."
Reggie: "How fast a jump are we talking?"
Xander: "Have you ever sat on a lit candle?"

GM: "Max, make a spot check again."
Max: *Fails*
GM: "You're staring at the chick so long you forgot to breathe."
Max: (Coughing/Gasping Fit) "Not a word, any of you!"

GM: "Because you're paying in gold, you're treated like the 2nd Highlander movie."
Xander: "Second rate and often ignored?"

Xander: "May I suggest from now on we do not share any more details to Professor Coolidge."
Reggie: "Rule 1, don't reveal more information then necessary. Rule 2, stay 25 feet away from him at all times. Rule 3, he carries a flame thrower."
Xander: "Thanks, Batman."

GM: "The professor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts is Christopher Walken?"

GM: "Izumi, make a will saving throw."
Izumi: "I critically succeeded."
GM: "You have an option."
Xander: "Like in Gradius?"

Izar: "I saw the Dean of Illusions."
Max: "If he's an illusionist, how do you know that was him?"

Phoenix: "The dean didn't like Izar's answers so he kicked us both out."
Xander: "What kind of answers?"
Izar: "I only told the truth."
Izumi: "Next time, lie."
GM: "This coming from the Paladin?!"
Max: "Best. Paladin. Ever."

GM: "Max, you spend time with your... escort. What's your strength?"
Max: "20, without mods."
GM: "For a tiny frame she can handle you decently well."
Xander: "She must wear a leather bustier of Giant Strength."
Izar: "I think the guy next door took 6 points of damage from the noise."

Xander: "What are you all listening to?"
Inn Patron: "There's a couple in there all Hot-N-Heavy and we're placing bets."
Xander: "You turned this into a sport?"
Max: "Why do you think we call it scoring?"

Xander: "With friends like these, who needs side quests?"

Izar: "That horse is family!"
Xander: "...awkward."

Xander: "Okay troupe, keep your eyes and ears sharp."
Izar: "Coming from you that's funny."

GM: "How are you holding your spear Izar?"
Izar: "Out in front."
Xander: "He hits an orc, it leaves an egg. Grab the egg with your flying ostrich and repeat."

[Prince Raven]

Xander: "We'll be working in a week to clear a quarry for the professor of Archaeology. I have reason to believe he's a necromancer."
Max: "Say again?!"
Xander: "Our employer may be a necromancer."
Izar: "As long as he's not a gray furred catfolk."
Xander: "Funny that you should describe him so accurately."
Izar: "You have GOT to be joking."
Xander: "I'm an elf, do I look like I'm joking?"

Yay, nekomancer.

[Necroticplague]

WARNING: I may need to sig this.

Knock yourself out.

[Rater202]

Yay, nekomancer.

Is he perhaps learning his spells from the Nekonomicon?

[DigoDragon]

Is he perhaps learning his spells from the Nekonomicon?

Funny you should so accurately describe his evil spell tome artifact. XD

[MReav]

Yay, nekomancer.

That old black cat magic has me in its spell
That old black cat magic that you weave so well
Those icy paws up and down my spine
The same old witchcat when your eyes meet mine...

[Rater202]

Funny you should so accurately describe his evil spell tome artifact. XD

Artix entertainment.

The Nekonomicon, created by Cysero the mad mystical weapon-smith, is a recurring magical artifact in their games.

Twas what I was referencing.

[Madfellow]

"What, you don't think a bartender can keep a secret?"

[DigoDragon]

Twas what I was referencing.

Parallel development I guess. I'm pretty sure the GM at that time never played those games. He was, however, familiar with anime and 'neko' is a pretty common word in that category.

[bulbaquil]

P3: "I had a tiefling (tife-ling) barbarian throw my character into a pool of acid."
P2: "I had a tiefling (teef-ling) barbarian do that."

GM: "The way she's kind of blushing, you figure there's probably way more to their relationship than just concern or mere friendship."
P3 (bluntly): "I will rescue your lesbian girlfriend!"

P3 (straight male character): "How am I a lesbian? I have a d***."
P1 (lesbian female character): "So what? You still like women."
P3: "But lesbians are women who like women."
P1: "Just go with it."
P2 (straight male character): "Okay, well by that definition, I'm also a lesbian."

P2: "Let me make an intelligence check to know what 'science' is."

[NeoPhoenix0]

DM:"The yak crits three fiendish sharks in a row"

DM:"as you dispose of the sharks you notice that the third one is missing and the yak is standing where it was."

player:"alpaca blood for the yak god"


I think we are gonna go places with this campaign.

[Alex12]

"Can my character be named Pazuzu?"

[DigoDragon]

GM: "Is everyone here for the session?"
Izar: "Yup."
Max: "Hail, Hail, the gang is all here?"
Xander: "Soon it'll be Heal, Heal, the gang is all hurt."

Reggie: "Oh Craaa-"
GM: "A buzzard slams into Reggie and explodes into a ream of paper."
Xander: "The mail's here!"

Izar: "Viscayne is a cleric of sex?"
Viscayne: "I cast Entropic Wang."
Xander: "So every day is a good day for you?"
Izar: "Instead of Holy Water it's a flask of Viagra."

Izar: "Now I just need to be undisturbed for 24 hours... by other people."
Xander: "Nice save."

College Girl: "We're the Fraternity of Phi Kappa Delta House."
Izar: "But you're girls. Shouldn't it be a sorority?"
College Girl: "Screw naming conventions, we got money!"

Drunkard: "Delta House is under a plague, we're out of alcohol!"
Izumi: (Deadpan) "Oh no... who will save them?"

Professor Coolidge: "Why, pray tell, are you heading north?"
Max: "Eh, there's a bucket up there I need to wee in."
Xander: "Thanks, Spanky Ham."
Max: "You're Welcome Xander."

Viscayne: "Our dog's butt (Max) is rumored to be at the Delta House."
Xander: "Lead the way. Izumi, get the others at the library."
Izumi: "Aww, I wanna go to the Delta house."
Xander: "No, you'd end up smiting half the fraternity there."
Izumi: "You're no fun. Can't I have a little smiting?"

Xander: "Izumi, Do you want to give them the bad news or shall I?"
Izumi: "You go ahead Xander."
Viscayne: "I'm pregnant."
Party: *Goes Silent*

Izumi: "What is Orcus' unholy symbol?"
Max: (Rolls a 1 on INT check) "Wario's trousers I think."

Izumi: "If these orcs are followers of Orcus, they might carry his symbol."
Max: "How do we find out if they worship Orcus?"
Viscayne: "We could ride by them shouting Orcus is a f*g!"
PCs: *Silent contemplation*
Izumi: "I'll get the horses!"
Max: "Crafting a megaphone!"
Xander: "I got the Vaseline!"
GM: "Why do you have that on your character sheet anyway?"

MOAR Quotes~

Spoiler

Show

Viscayne: "Yar, it's something baby-like. It's small and crunchy."

GM: "So are you all returning to town?"
Xander: "Yes. We're getting a night's sleep and in the morning we're going to beat up some orcs."
Izar: "Wait, don't we want to sign up for the job first?"
Xander: "They're orcs. This is a higher calling than money."
GM: "He's doing this for elf moralistic reasons."

GM: "There are four constables downstairs."
Agaron: "Better then four variables."

GM: "Why does that sound so familiar as a Kennedy act?"
Viscayne: "Because you've done it before."

Xander: "We heard you have an orc problem. We're here to solve it."
Clerk: "And you are?"
Xander: "The Order of the Stick."
Xander's Party: "Huh?!?"
Izar: "Can it be something less cheesy than grand theft of a comic idea?"
Xander: "Alright, alright. We are- The Linear Guild."
Izar: "...Wait a minute."

GM: "Aganon, roll tracking."
Aganon: (Rolls a 1) "There's something behind us leaving horse tracks."
Max: "Our horses."

Viscayne: "I cast RUN LIKE ****!"

Viscayne: "I'm so glad I saw the skittle bag or I'd swear you just ate your dice."
GM: *Munch Munch*

Aganon: "I see the orc tracks, but there's a large set of tracks I can't identify."
Xander: "An orc with a glandular problem?"
Viscayne: "It's like a manwich!"
Max: "But... with orcs?"

Phoenix: "I found a pit trap."
Max: "Is it edible?"
Phoenix: "Maybe."

Izar: "I can't run anywhere, I'm trapped!"
Xander: "Can you phase through the wall?"
Ogre: "Grrr, squishies!"
Izar: "Soon enough I think..."

GM: "Search checks."
Xander & Viscayne: "21!"
Xander & Viscayne: "Up yours!"
Xander & Viscayne: "Dang!"
Max: "What incense were you two burning?"

GM: "You're looking at a 30' pit before you."
Xander: "Hmm... we can use this as a grave, bury the 13 orcs we killed, fill it with dirt, and then cross over the pit to the other side."
Viscayne: "Cleric power!"

Izumi: "What are you all doing?"
Xander: "Well, Viscayne, Max, and I filled the pit with the bodies of the orcs we slayed-"
Izumi: "You turned that pit into a grave?"
Xander: "Well yeah. What else is a grave but a dug pit for bodies?"
Viscayne: "Look ma, no mess!"
Izumi: "And you three did that just to cross the pit?"
Xander: "In my defense I filled the hole, but I did not cross."

[Hazrond]

"Does the dwarf's beard count as a fine object?"
"You see the cleric run through a door and a beam of holy energy bursts forth healing everyone 15ft to the left of you"
"Apparently the power of god's one weakness is brick walls"
"The dwarf with the flaming beard runs behind the bar and dunks himself in a barrel of ale"

Excerpts from last nights introductory game

[Milodiah]

Cleric: "Oh St. Cuthbert, hear my prayers! Please, help us open these cages!"

ST. CUTHBERT: "Hello, you've reached Saint Cuthbert's prayer line. How may we help you achieve JUSTICE today?"

Cleric: "...I, uh...I need these cold iron cages to be opened."

ST CUTHBERT: "One moment...hm. Those cages contain dryads, so...this technically falls under Obad-Hai's jurisdiction. Transferring you now." *ring ring...ring ring...ring ring...

Cleric: "...what?"

OBAD-HAI: "This is Obad-Hai, God of Nature. How may I assist you?"

Cleric: "I need these cold iron cages opened, they have dryads in them."

OBAD-HAI: "...it says here you're a cleric of St. Cuthbert, I'll transfer you over to-"

Cleric: "-don't you dare-"

*ring ring...ring ring...ring ring...ring ring

ST CUTHBERT: "Hello, you've reached Saint Cuthbert's prayer line. How may we help you achieve JUSTICE today?"

Cleric: "I JUST GOT TRANSFERRED BY- you know what, put me through to Wee Jas."

*ring ring...ring ring...ring ring...ring ring...

WEE JAS: "Hello there."

Cleric: "Listen, I've been transferred three times by you ********, just need to-"

WEE JAS: "Have you considered using that acid over there?"

Cleric: "..."

[A Tad Insane]

Me: I use the rod of wonder
Dm: You get the impression of being comforted by an ugly motherly figure and the most embarrassing moment of your life

Other pc: Regdar slides through the grease and tackles them
Me: Silvia giggles as she thinks about yaoi

[Dasgovernator]

"Sorry guys, I lost the sun. I hope you have dark-vision".

[Diachronos]

Drow Samurai: "I accidentally katana'd."

Vampire: *lunges out of coffin and pins party's necromancer to the wall by the neck*
Necromancer: "Hi, Mom!"

Wait staff at stereotypical "goth"-themed restaurant: "Hey, cool dead snake decoration!"
*Zombie snake lifts its head to look at him; everyone in the place runs away screaming*

Half Dragon Barbarian: "And the second claw crits again!"

Player 1: "Can we just take 20 on this Grisgol?"
DM: "Yeah..."

[bulbaquil]

P3: "It's 11:00 in the morning, the best time of day to do a stealth run!"
P1: "It's 11:00 in the morning in what's probably the worst part of Seattle."
GM: "And you just started a hobo riot against Aztechnology."

P6: "Wait, what time is it again?"
P3: "Eleven A.M.!"
P6: "So wait, we get the job done, and then we break for lunch."

GM: "One hobo has declared himself the leater of the hobos. Yes, 'leater.'"
P3: "He's about four gallons."

P2: "I'm sure he will know that we finished the job when he finds out the building's gone."

P5: "He's French and an elf. He'd know."

P6: "Okay, we're going to need two dessert carts here. The first one has mine, [P5]'s, [P3]'s, [P4]'s, and [P2]'s on it, the second has [P1]'s."

[Nahro]

Well I'd like to share aswell :3

The Party is currently guests in a rather big castel, attending a ball that's to be held the next evening.
Ranger and Cleric are exploring the Gardens, while Wizard studies in the library.
As the Range and Cleric are not so prone with Royal Ettiquete the Wizard wants to check up on them via Sending spells:

Wizard: "What are you doing guys? Is Everything ok?"
Cleric: "All is well, we are just about to swim naked into a lake to pet a dragon"
Wizard: *audibly speaks*" WHAT?!"
*Other library goers stare at him*

Cleric: "Nothing left to eat!"
Fighter: "No wonder, fatty!"
Cleric: I throw the couch at him! *rolls natural 20*

Fighter: "The Door is locked - cananybody open locks?" *looks at rogue*
Rogue: *whistles inocently, as he doesnt want to out himself as Rogue*
Wizard: "Maybe try to find another way in?"
*15 Minutes of trying to get in there, with no avail*
Ranger: "How about we try to knock?" *goes and knocks*
DM: You hear a slightly frightened voice, and footsteps before you hear the door is being unlocked from the inside.

So much we haven't had a lot of sessions yet - but it was entertaining nonetheless x3

[DigoDragon]

Drow Samurai: "I accidentally katana'd."

*Spittaked his coffee laughing so hard*

---

Izumi: "I like my feet. My feet can pick up things."
Xander: "I assume this isn't something taught in Paladin school?"

Xander: "Izumi, this is your share of yesterday's treasure."
Izumi: "But, didn't we already divvy the treasure up?"
Xander: "No, we did not."
Izumi: "Okay, just checking because I didn't want to write down more treasure then needed."
Xander: "That's what the poor is for."

Xander: "Hey boy, would you like a kick in the--"
Max: "Bad elf! Bad elf!" (Hits Xander with a rolled up newspaper)
Xander: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
Izar: "Yeah right. Like the human guards are going to do anything for you."
GM: "Oh, this is an Elf killing. Let's go home."

GM: "So you're traveling along on your horses..."
Max: *Horse trotting noises*
Xander: "Where did you get the coconuts?"

Izar: "What? I heard something about 30 seconds till critical sugar?"

Aganon: "What's in those boxes?"
Izumi: "Dead ducks. Light stuff."
Aganon: "The boxes weigh more then the ducks?"
Izar: "Well yeah, unless it's made of wood it weighs more then a duck and therefore isn't a witch."

Aganon: "No offense, but right now you guys aren't really impressing me."
Izumi: "Vincent thinks I'm cool."
Max: "I'm not Vincent!"
Xander: "Again, about that impressing thing."

Xander: "Okay, everyone take an hour break. Please, no houses of ill repute."
Izar: "The elf is having something of being a prude."
Xander: "No, the elf is having something called morals. M-O-R-A-L-E-S."
Izar: "Except that's not how you spell it."

GM: "Viscayne's a cleric in a wizarding town. He's out of place like the Tin Woodsman with a Chef Boyardee sticker on his back."

Xander: "I've never heard of a Charismatic Disemboweling."

Spoiler: MORE QUOTES

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Xander: "Is there anything I can do to win favor with your group?"
Warmage: "To be a warmage you must have a desire of blood and battle. As an elf I don't see that in you."
Xander: "That's why us elves are always on the top in war."
Table: "Oooooh!" :D

Max: "I dunno what Xander said, but I'm sportin' wood."

Phoenix: "Where are you running?"
Reggie: "Awwwaaayyy!"

Aganon: "What did the warmage say?"
Xander: "I got the name of the professor that is after Reggie. Bad news is that I accidentally kicked their ego in the cherry."
Aganon: "Accidentally?"
Xander: "Well, maybe somewhat intentional."

Xander: "I run adjacent to the warmage and sunder his wand."
GM: "The warmage drops the broken wand and hits you with a sonic blast. 20 points of damage."
Xander: "I just made a new friend."

Warmage: "Any last words, elf?"
Xander: "Yeah, did you know Paladins have very flexible feet?"
Warmage: "What?"
Izumi: *Drops from above on warmage, rolls a 20*

Xander: "Well, we lost the fight, but stopped the warmages from capturing Reggie. Imagine the conversation those warmages will have with their boss trying to explain how they failed their objective because of a group called The Order of the Stick."
Aganon: (Impersonating the BBEG) "You guys were beaten by a stick?"

Izar: "I have no discretion, I'm a singer. I get it from both sides."
Xander: "Please tell me you meant parents with that remark."

Izar: "I'm glad I didn't become a warmage."
Xander: "Warmage nothing, you almost became a Chicken McNugget."

Prof. Coolidge: "Paladin, where did you get that mark?"
Izumi: "It's a temp tattoo from a box of crackerjacks, what do you think?"

Prof. Coolidge: "Oww, that mark burns to the touch!"
Izar: "Did I catch the significance of that?"
GM: "No, it's just a fox paw, but you know it's real magic."
Xander: "So did the fox paw just perform a faux pas?"

Max: "How strong is the brandy?"
GM: "Napoleon is laughing at you and he hasn't even been born yet."

[Schylerwalker]

Aidan: To NPC Well while you've been sittin on your #$% here in camp, I've been out adventuring and gettin good. Reeeal good.

*Aidan proceeds to charge the NPC and makes one attack, which misses, even on his relatively good roll. The NPC proceeds to full attack the fighter for almost 60 damage, dropping him well into the negatives.*

NPC: "Next?"

[Necroticplague]

Robber: O.k, this is a stick-up, nobody move, and nobody gets hurt!
NPCs"*hit the ground*
Shibu: Sweet, this is gonna make my trip a heck of a lot quicker.
*walks up to teller*
Teller: I don't know how to open the safe, but you can have all the money in the register, just don't kill me!
Shibu:Relax, I'm not with him, I'm actually trying to make a deposit.
Robber: Do you think I'm Joking? On the ground, B****!
Shibu: I know you can't kill me.
Robber: Says you!
*Shotgun noises*
Shibu: See, right through the heart and still standing. Now, as the good book says "do into others as you would have them do onto you..."
*coughs up a shotgun*
Robber:What the h*** are you?
Shibu: The one telling you can either turn yourself in to the police outside who arrived while we were talking and their bosses, or you can deal with me and my boss. I'd go with the former, if I were you, my boss is in a pretty bad mood.

[Sith_Happens]

"Okay, you are officially glomping an oni."

Late Player: "Hello, everyone."
Other Player: "Hi. Us two [*points*] are each grappling one of them two [*points*] to keep them from pushing a pair of yet more buttons we found."
Late Player: "...So I get here and there's intra-party conflict going on."

Player 1: "I would hug [Player 4], but I'm across the table."
Player 2: "HUG TRANSFER!"
*Player 2 hugs Player 1, then Player 4*
Player 2: "Hug delivered."

*devious grin*
"You don't want to know what happens when you crit fail an attack on the DM."

PC 1: "Does anyone need healing?"
PC 2: [Points to PC 3] "Not her."
PC 1: "Are you sure? She looks unconscious."
PC 2: "She's taking a nap."
PC 1: "...She's covered in bruises."
PC 2: "We disagreed as to whether it was nap time yet."

"Plot exposition is a free action."

PC 1: "I roll to breathe. [*rolls*] I got a two."
DM: "Anatomical functions are DC -5."
PC 2: "I hope none of them are Charisma, Dexterity, Intelligence, or Concentration-based, or else a Barbarian can't attempt them."
PC 1: *laughs* "'You suffocate to death from raging too long.'"
PC 2: "...Oh, that's why its length is based on your Constitution."
PC 1: "This makes too much sense."

PC 1: "So, are you a Marut or what?"
Construct: "I'm sorry, existential quandaries are not within my thinking range."
PC 2: "But the phrase 'existential quandary' is."

[Mutazoia]

PC1: *draws MacGuffin sword* "I've got a life-time supply of extra-strength whoop-ass and I'm handing out free samples....who wants some?"

[VeliciaL]

DM: The caravan hands in the background roll their eyes at you.
Mialee: The lady in the foreground also rolls her eyes at you.

[DigoDragon]

GM: "The first rays of the sun strike you as dawn approaches."
Xander: "It's coming right for us!"
Izumi: "Run away! run away!!"
Reggie: "We're all going to die!! This this it! Game over, man! Game over!!"
GM: "..."

Izumi: "Oh lord Bahamut, I am sorry I had to hunt and kill this rabbit in thy name for our food but... sh*t, we needed food."

Xander: "We could deep fat fry the rabbit. We need a Force Cage, two castings of Grease, and a wand of Fireballs."
GM: "Your alignment is going down hill."
Xander: "Not that kind of elf."
Max: "Then what kind are you?"
Xander: "The kind that's going to be kicking back and enjoying a deep fat fried rabbit with a side of biscuits and a nice white wine."

Marcus: "What was the other race in my hometown?"
Max: "Cheese."
GM: "Death."
Xander: "The Daytona 500."

Xander: "Edgar, we're as dumb as a bag of hammers."
Max: "What movie is that quote from?"
Xander: "Uh... Oh Boy, Where Am I?"
Izar: "That's Oh Brother, Where Art Thou!"
Max: "Awesome alternate title, Xander."

Izar: "My cat wants to eat."
Max: "Familiars eat?"
GM: "They live on love."
Izar: "... cat's doomed."

Izar: "No fish out here? I'll order the duck then."
Xander: "He couldn't find fish so he calls fowl."

GM: "You see a courier putting up the new mail news."
Marcus: "So where's the male mail hail?"
Xander: "Do they charge for the news out here?"
GM: "No, it's free."
Xander: "Oh, so it's not a 'fee-mail'."
Party: *Groans*

Jenova: (throws a flag) "Offensive Punning. Against Xander. 500 XP penalty. Remains first down."

GM: "You see a gray wheel roll up to you."
Xander: "An invisible cart with a borrowed spare wheel?"
GM: "The wheel unfolds and transforms into this large monster shown here."
Reggie: "We're all going to die!! This this it! Game over, man! Game over!!"

Spoiler: MORE QUOTES

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Max: "When you said it 'transforms', I was hoping it would have a sad red bulldog symbol on it's chest."

GM: "The monster is sniffing about for you."
Xander: "We... have a plan, right?"
Max: "Yes we do, oh fearless leader. Don't we?"
Xander: "Hey, my plan was to run in the other direction. Everyone then took Izumi's idea and here we are."
Izumi: "Let's get it!"
Max: "That's your plan? Get it?"

GM: "And you're off!"
Marcus: "Like a dirty shirt."

Izar: "Its known as 'Taking one for the team', stupid."
GM: "You got the stupid part right."

GM: "It'll take you an hour to go around the ravine."
Xander: "That's fine. We're saving our stupidity for when we get to Hap Village."
Max: "Fair enough. Dur hur hur, potato."

Izumi: "Are we in battle?"
GM: "Kinda sorta. Izar's fighting off laundry and losing."
Izumi: "Um..." O_o;

Xander: "In the Name of Tamara I banish you to the Haines you came from!"

Marcus: "I'll get you, you cursed underwear!"
Xander: "Eh? Someone hexed your tightie-whities?"
Izumi: "Dang, how many times are we getting pants-ed?"

Xander: "Hey Izar, I suddenly have an urge to run in the other direction really quickly. Care to join me?"
Izar: "Yes, by all means, lead the way."
Xander: "Marcus, care to join our marry romp in the other direction?"
Marcus: "Like Beethoven and Cheese!"
Xander: "Uh... I'll take that as a yes."

GM: "Do you bite the tree?"
Marcus: "CHOMP!"
GM: "Do you chew on the bark?"
Marcus: "Chew Chew Chew."
Xander: "No, Purify Food & Drink won't help him here."

Xander: "No amount of Diplomacy will stop a tree from falling on you."

[Ionbound]

"NURSE ALL THE GIRL-CRUSHES WHILE THE DICE SAY NO MOVES ON THE PROTAGONIST!!"

And to deal with the all caps block, I have this blurb.