LGBTAI+ Questions, Information and Discussion thread!

[Icewraith]

Not really looking for men's dress advice, that just happens to be the only picture I have that works because I can't take proper full-body pictures with a webcam. (And you'll notice I already said I fixed a few things since then that you brought up, like the shirt size.) What I'm really trying to do is a look that does nice and put-together and adult without being super formal. Kind of how I dress as a girl really, I usually wear a skirt and blouse even if I'm just around town because I don't like how jeans and a t-shirt makes me look like I'm 16 even as a girl (and it's worse as a boy).

Jeans would actually probably be good if I could find ones that were reasonably well-fitted, rather than super-baggy. The look I'd be going for best would be a pair of well-fitted jeans, an untucked shirt, and a vest - probably more "tech guy" than anything. Like so:

Spoiler

Show

Unfortunately the problem I'm having is that women's clothing is designed to emphasize hips, and guys clothing just seems to universally look ill-fitted on me, which tends to enhance looking like a boy.

Shirt "size" in dress shirts is a bit misleading since most of the variables are independant. The shirt overall was big but the sleeves might actually have been a tad short.

Well you got another comment on stance, so hopefully I wasn't totally off the mark there. Feet further apart, shoulders wider.

Maybe it's just my region, but both vests and suspenders (unless you're over sixty) are quite unusual here. Vests are northwards (or at least the upper reaches) of business casual. Also it might just be a climate thing, the extra layer of a vest would aften be too hot out here. If you live in a colder area you can probably vest (or coat) to your heart's content and nobody will blink an eye. Lighter jackets are more common since they trap less heat when left open and trap more heat when closed.

If you want to look "nice but not formal", dark jeans and anything with a collar are fairly safe. Wearing a lightweight undershirt under a short or long sleeved button down collared shirt (but not a polo) is very common and can probably be used to your advantage. Men's jeans come in slim-fit versions but they're not always easy to find. "Classic fit" is usually a codename for "actually really baggy". "Relaxed fit" often means "useful for smuggling children and assault rifles in plain sight".

When tucking in shirts you want just enough slack that you can sit down, stand up, and bend over without your shirt un-tucking. It works out to the shirt hanging down an extra 3/4"-1" depending on torso length.

A thick belt will either help or make things worse, not sure which.

Anything to increase the apparent width of your shoulders or overall size of your upper torso and arms will shrink your hips in comparison. Holding your arms slightly away from your torso is an easy way to do this.

Oh, and since you're probably working from a height disadvantage, thicker-soled shoes, insoles and/or athletic socks with padded heels will subtly increase your height. And your feet will be well cushioned.

Edit: For suspenders, any store populated by older folks will probably have them. Stein Mart if it exists in your area, is somewhere I know we've bought gifts for grandparents. Also craft stores and the internet.

[Coidzor]

Will keep looking around - unfortunately suspenders are the one thing that's been immensely hard to find. I've given up on jackets. Women's jackets are too wide in the shoulders for me. I don't have a prayer with men's. Plus the vests are really useful for removing bulges and thickening the waist a little - that's actually a taken-in girl's vest in the picture so it's not quite as good as what I have now.

With pants, I want the leg to be looser but not in a way that it's bunching. You know how guys that wear their pants halfway to their crotch, how the seat of the pants looks from the back? That's sort of how the back view of mine looks, only the waist is in the right place.

I can't tell if you mean wearing jeans cut with their waist on hip level instead of the natural waist or if you mean wearing sagging jeans without a belt so that the top half of their ass is exposed, save for what's covered by underwear.

[Heliomance]

Well first time really going in a forum that isn't about the gaming but guess I can be added here on the Bi part. Though one thing I can honestly say even as a bi man, I find it rather silly how silly it is getting for adding all the letters. Cant LGBT basically mean anything that isn't straight XD Anywho that side thought over with does anyone really notice in all things media, historical and otherwise you don't see anyone hailed as a Bi hero or s important bi figure? I mean I don't mind it that much but rather odd no one even talks about this.

There's Anna Paquin.

[Crimson Wolf]

There's Anna Paquin.

Okay so one >.< but you don't have anything big like tv specials, anyone being mentioned really. Just is rather sad is all :( Blah sorry I'll end that rant >.<

On a side note, I really do like debating things and discussing things, just hopefully no one takes my criticism or talking of things as offensive, I just like and enjoy discussing stuff.

[WarKitty]

I can't tell if you mean wearing jeans cut with their waist on hip level instead of the natural waist or if you mean wearing sagging jeans without a belt so that the top half of their ass is exposed, save for what's covered by underwear.

The latter.

[SiuiS]

Will keep looking around - unfortunately suspenders are the one thing that's been immensely hard to find. I've given up on jackets. Women's jackets are too wide in the shoulders for me. I don't have a prayer with men's. Plus the vests are really useful for removing bulges and thickening the waist a little - that's actually a taken-in girl's vest in the picture so it's not quite as good as what I have now.

With pants, I want the leg to be looser but not in a way that it's bunching. You know how guys that wear their pants halfway to their crotch, how the seat of the pants looks from the back? That's sort of how the back view of mine looks, only the waist is in the right place.

I don't know. The pants shouldn't do that. >__>

I can't tell if you mean wearing jeans cut with their waist on hip level instead of the natural waist or if you mean wearing sagging jeans without a belt so that the top half of their ass is exposed, save for what's covered by underwear.

Sagging. It ends up with the waistband really low but the crotch at the right-ish spot so everything between legs and waistband is scrunched like you're not even wearing them.

[Ravens_cry]

Laser verses electrolyses for beard removal? I really got so little money, it ain't funny, but I want to try getting rid of my beard before I try getting on the hormones, so I need to know about cost and also long term effectiveness.

[Red Rubber Band]

Greetings everyone,

I'm posting on behalf of a friend, who is writing her Masters research paper on gender identity issues during youth for transgender people. I've opened up a thread here, and am trying to stir up a bit of interest. If you have any questions or suggestions, please ask them in the other thread.

Thank you for your time :)

[Miriel]

Laser verses electrolyses for beard removal? I really got so little money, it ain't funny, but I want to try getting rid of my beard before I try getting on the hormones, so I need to know about cost and also long term effectiveness.

I'm getting some good results with laser right now. But it depends on many factors.

1) Pale skin and dark hair is best for laser. Other combinations will be much less effective.
2) Are you full-time? If so, laser may be better, as you need not to shave for electrolysis to be effective.
3) Time constraints. Laser is once a month or thereabouts, while electrolysis is much more time intensive.
4) As you mention, money. It all depends on you specific situation. Laser seems less costly and faster for starting the process, but each session is very expensive (there are just fewer of them). However, you can do a little electrolysis here and there as money allows (I don't know if it's recommended though).

I think this is the basics.

[Coidzor]

I don't know. The pants shouldn't do that. >__>



Sagging. It ends up with the waistband really low but the crotch at the right-ish spot so everything between legs and waistband is scrunched like you're not even wearing them.

Yeah... that... shouldn't happen if the legs are the right length and the waist is in the right place.

[Serpentine]

Will keep looking around - unfortunately suspenders are the one thing that's been immensely hard to find. I've given up on jackets. Women's jackets are too wide in the shoulders for me. I don't have a prayer with men's. Plus the vests are really useful for removing bulges and thickening the waist a little - that's actually a taken-in girl's vest in the picture so it's not quite as good as what I have now.

With pants, I want the leg to be looser but not in a way that it's bunching. You know how guys that wear their pants halfway to their crotch, how the seat of the pants looks from the back? That's sort of how the back view of mine looks, only the waist is in the right place.

I have a very petite friend who has trouble finding clothes that fit him. He's found a website, Korean I think, that does great jackets that fit very fine frames. They're not cheap, but they are snazzy as hell.

[WarKitty]

Yeah... that... shouldn't happen if the legs are the right length and the waist is in the right place.

That's sort of the issue - pants with the right length leg don't come in a size that I can wear. Getting the right waist and leg length means they're super tight over the hips, so I have to go up a size or two.

[Kesnit]

That's sort of the issue - pants with the right length leg don't come in a size that I can wear. Getting the right waist and leg length means they're super tight over the hips, so I have to go up a size or two.

Go up a size. The larger size will help in masking your hips. Just wear a belt, tight enough to keep your pants from falling down, but loose enough to keep it from cinching the waist (which will show your hips).

Suspenders would do the same job, and there is no risk of cinching the waist. However, you will get a lot of weird looks for wearing suspenders.


I know you've said you like vests, but they are one of the worst things you can wear if you want to hide your hips. The bottom of the vest will be right on your hips, which will draw attention to them. Wear a jacket, since that will be loose and long enough to cover your hips.

To hide your breasts, wear either a sports bra or a tight undershirt and a loose shirt. The sports bra or undershirt will hold down your breasts and help hide the bulges. A loose shirt will also hide the bulges, since it will hang over, rather than clinging. Don't tuck the shirt in tight.

If you are...er... "well endowed" on top, you may want to consider an Underworks binder. They flatten well, and are comfortable enough to wear all day.

[Heliomance]

Laser verses electrolyses for beard removal? I really got so little money, it ain't funny, but I want to try getting rid of my beard before I try getting on the hormones, so I need to know about cost and also long term effectiveness.

From what I've heard:

Electrolysis is a lot more effective, a lot more expensive, and a lot more painful. Each session is also significantly longer. In general, I think I'd recommend laser if possible, but it only works when there's a strong contrast between hair colour and skin colour. Not an expert though.

There's also IPL - Intense Pulsed Light - which is cheaper again, but also less effective. It's what I've been doing so far, but I've had 18 sessions (every 2-3 weeks, about 5-10 minutes per session) and while I do have notable patchiness in my facial hair, that's all it's done.

I think Zorg was doing electrolysis, wasn't she? She'd know more.

[Serpentine]

Suspenders would do the same job, and there is no risk of cinching the waist. However, you will get a lot of weird looks for wearing suspenders.

Nah, she'll just look like a hipster.

[WarKitty]

Go up a size. The larger size will help in masking your hips. Just wear a belt, tight enough to keep your pants from falling down, but loose enough to keep it from cinching the waist (which will show your hips).

I do believe we have just gone full circle, given that the original reason for posting was that once I wear pants big enough to fit over the hips the butt is really saggy and looks awful.

[Icewraith]

I do believe we have just gone full circle, given that the original reason for posting was that once I wear pants big enough to fit over the hips the butt is really saggy and looks awful.

Many stores stock a wider array of merchandise online, including specialty waist/length combinations they don't carry in store. (Also, if they're in your area, have you tried Old Navy? They're one of the few stores that actually carries my pants size in store.)

Does the butt look really saggy and awful when you're sagging your pants? That's the usual result of sagging your pants. You're in far better shape being known as "that weird guy who always wears suspenders" than "that guy who still sags his pants like a wannabe rapper from the last decade". Assuming I'm understanding things correctly.

What about padded shorts or very thick underwear with holes cut out at the hips to grow your legs and waist out? Might be uncomfortable if you live in a warm area. Or something like a padded belt that you wear under your pants to get your waist to the right size for your hips?

[WarKitty]

Many stores stock a wider array of merchandise online, including specialty waist/length combinations they don't carry in store. (Also, if they're in your area, have you tried Old Navy? They're one of the few stores that actually carries my pants size in store.)

Does the butt look really saggy and awful when you're sagging your pants? That's the usual result of sagging your pants. You're in far better shape being known as "that weird guy who always wears suspenders" than "that guy who still sags his pants like a wannabe rapper from the last decade". Assuming I'm understanding things correctly.

What about padded shorts or very thick underwear with holes cut out at the hips to grow your legs and waist out? Might be uncomfortable if you live in a warm area. Or something like a padded belt that you wear under your pants to get your waist to the right size for your hips?

Why on earth would I sag my pants? The issue I'm having is that even with the waist a bit high the butt looks really saggy, because by the time they're the right size for my hips the pants are way too long overall, which leads to the end of the rear being very low on me.

[Coidzor]

That's sort of the issue - pants with the right length leg don't come in a size that I can wear. Getting the right waist and leg length means they're super tight over the hips, so I have to go up a size or two.

So basically you're stuck with either the pants being tight enough to cling to your butt, or at least close enough to that to show it off with emphasis, or having the seat of the pants be loose and baggy enough that it gives you elephant butt, then?

Suspenders might help with that, since they're not cinching the waistline to your body like a belt would?

[SiuiS]

Why on earth would I sag my pants? The issue I'm having is that even with the waist a bit high the butt looks really saggy, because by the time they're the right size for my hips the pants are way too long overall, which leads to the end of the rear being very low on me.

Suspenders and (unfortunately) best does fix this. Your pants waist will be above your navel, but a good waistcoat will hide that, and them being so high will take up the slack in your buns.

Just hem the legs and you're golden.

[ArlEammon]

I'm only capable of being romantically attracted to Morgan Freeman, does that make me an MF'er?

[cavalieredraghi]

*face palm* Arminius I love you.

[Septimus Faber]

@DarthArminius:

I'm not going to lie, I did giggle at that. But... Really, that joke jarred with the tone of the thread, in which people are supposed to be able to ask serious questions about gender and sexuality and, in turn, be taken seriously. So, while I did find it funny, could you refrain from making jokes like that in threads like this in the future?

Spoiler

Show

Unless you were serious. In which case, probably not.

[Mono Vertigo]

Seconding SeptimusFabrius (though thank you for making this obviously a joke so that no one's confused).
(... or are we? )

[Coidzor]

So... One thing I've been wondering is, do Demisexuals/Gray-Aces recognize those feelings of romantic or sexual attraction, romantic or sexual interest, or sexual arousal for what they are, generally speaking, or if those who don't experience them normally have to feel them several times before the feeling is identified and then looking back they can go "oh, so that's what that was, not that the fish was disagreeing with me."

I've encountered some things and people who I couldn't directly ask myself, but who made me wonder about that sort of thing, since they seemed to be exhibiting the... physical signs, body language, and general behavior of such things and did not appear to be acting, and yet did not seem to be self-aware of the state they were apparently in and broadcasting to the world.

tl;dr: Are romanto-sexual feelings instantly recognizable upon experiencing them or do they have to be cataloged after they appear in order to be recognized later?

[Mono Vertigo]

So... One thing I've been wondering is, do Demisexuals/Gray-Aces recognize those feelings of romantic or sexual attraction, romantic or sexual interest, or sexual arousal for what they are, generally speaking, or if those who don't experience them normally have to feel them several times before the feeling is identified and then looking back they can go "oh, so that's what that was, not that the fish was disagreeing with me."

I've encountered some things and people who I couldn't directly ask myself, but who made me wonder about that sort of thing, since they seemed to be exhibiting the... physical signs, body language, and general behavior of such things and did not appear to be acting, and yet did not seem to be self-aware of the state they were apparently in and broadcasting to the world.

tl;dr: Are romanto-sexual feelings instantly recognizable upon experiencing them or do they have to be cataloged after they appear in order to be recognized later?

I think being demisexual/Gray-Ace doesn't preclude you from being able to recognize these feelings immediately, though it might possibly hinder you occasionally (what with sexuality not being an important part of your thought process).
However, since I've gone myself through the phase of "broadcasting my feelings to the world while being painfully ignorant of them" before realizing what was going on, I can't really speak from personal experience there. (I'd blame it more on a personality quirk than on my identity as a demisexual though. I'm pretty certain I'd have reacted the same way if I hadn't been on the asexual spectrum.)

[noparlpf]

So... One thing I've been wondering is, do Demisexuals/Gray-Aces recognize those feelings of romantic or sexual attraction, romantic or sexual interest, or sexual arousal for what they are, generally speaking, or if those who don't experience them normally have to feel them several times before the feeling is identified and then looking back they can go "oh, so that's what that was, not that the fish was disagreeing with me."

I've encountered some things and people who I couldn't directly ask myself, but who made me wonder about that sort of thing, since they seemed to be exhibiting the... physical signs, body language, and general behavior of such things and did not appear to be acting, and yet did not seem to be self-aware of the state they were apparently in and broadcasting to the world.

tl;dr: Are romanto-sexual feelings instantly recognizable upon experiencing them or do they have to be cataloged after they appear in order to be recognized later?

Depends how much I'm attempting to delude myself at the time.

[CWater]

So... One thing I've been wondering is, do Demisexuals/Gray-Aces recognize those feelings of romantic or sexual attraction, romantic or sexual interest, or sexual arousal for what they are, generally speaking, or if those who don't experience them normally have to feel them several times before the feeling is identified and then looking back they can go "oh, so that's what that was, not that the fish was disagreeing with me."

I've encountered some things and people who I couldn't directly ask myself, but who made me wonder about that sort of thing, since they seemed to be exhibiting the... physical signs, body language, and general behavior of such things and did not appear to be acting, and yet did not seem to be self-aware of the state they were apparently in and broadcasting to the world.

tl;dr: Are romanto-sexual feelings instantly recognizable upon experiencing them or do they have to be cataloged after they appear in order to be recognized later?

I really can't say how it is for other people, or even how it would be if it happened to me again, since I've only been sexually attracted to only one person in my life.

I had had one romantic crush before (completely without any sexual interest) so I was able to figure out that I had some feelings for this one friend that didn't really fit into the scope of friendship after ...I'm not sure, maybe a few months uncertainty? As for the physical attraction (that started to develop about a year later), I was totally clueless of what was going on in my head. I know something was, well let's not say 'wrong', but certainly 'different' than anything I had ever felt before and I couldn't understand it at all.

For example, I don't usually like to touch other people. Not even my family or close friends. I have learned to cope with the necessary physical contact in the form of hugs and such so I'm not impolite, but I can't say I like it the way other people seem to do. But my ex? I could probably cling to him all day. Nowadays the feeling doesn't confuse me, but when it first manifested, this simple wish to actually touch another human being because it feels nice was so incomprehensible to me that it took several months to understand that that was what I was feeling. You can imagine that it took its time to process the rest. ^^'

[Marnath]

So... One thing I've been wondering is, do Demisexuals/Gray-Aces recognize those feelings of romantic or sexual attraction, romantic or sexual interest, or sexual arousal for what they are, generally speaking, or if those who don't experience them normally have to feel them several times before the feeling is identified and then looking back they can go "oh, so that's what that was, not that the fish was disagreeing with me."

I've encountered some things and people who I couldn't directly ask myself, but who made me wonder about that sort of thing, since they seemed to be exhibiting the... physical signs, body language, and general behavior of such things and did not appear to be acting, and yet did not seem to be self-aware of the state they were apparently in and broadcasting to the world.

tl;dr: Are romanto-sexual feelings instantly recognizable upon experiencing them or do they have to be cataloged after they appear in order to be recognized later?

My experience with being Gray-Ace is that I do understand the feelings for what they are when they happen, but it is infrequent and my reaction to them is rather unenthusiastic. "I like the way she looks, but since I don't actually want to do anything about it, I'll go back to what I was doing."

I have much less success noticing romantic gestures. On the romance axis I don't feel anything at all, and I am oblivious to being hit on. I only ever know it's happened when people tell me that the other person was trying to flirt with me. I do not know if I could learn to recognize the signs in a situation where hypothetically I end up being demi-romantic(is that even a real thing?) instead of aromantic, but I assume it would take time if I did.

[noparlpf]

Over on the AVEN boards some people identify as demiromantic.