LGBTAI+ #52: Aces High

[SiuiS]

I know, but I like asterisks. And you didn't strike me as a Skype person, honestly.

Skype is basically the most sanctioned and accessible chat option. It's an IM service without AoL's lagginess, is designed to work on my platforms instead of given foot as an afterthought, and can either be personal or public based on how many people are around. I don't use it often but I do use it. Usually to shoot people questions not appropriate to the thread that spawned them or to this forum at all.

Theoretically, it could also be used for RP, but the only choices I have there are flakes who never show for regular RP or who I have to flake on. Sigh.

[Coidzor]

SiuiS: Eh? Are you saying that every time someone types "trans*" instead of "trans" it's actually taxing the site more heavily than any other 6-character string that doesn't contain an asterisk?

So I managed to tell that person I've had a crush on that I like them...
Only response so far was that I wasn't the first to tell them I felt that way... Not exactly sure how to take that.
they is apparently lgbtai friendly.. or at least the only people to get crushes on them and tell them have been lgbtai.

So, what, it went down like

Togath "Person-face, I like you."
Person Face: "You're not the first to tell me that."
Person Face: "In fact, the only people who've had crushed on me have been queer in some way or another."

or something?

[SiuiS]

SiuiS: Eh? Are you saying that every time someone types "trans*" instead of "trans" it's actually taxing the site more heavily than any other 6-character string that doesn't contain an asterisk?

Wha? No, hon. Context. I'm saying "**** this" and "**** this" are identical after the fact and mods won't notice or care, so I actually say "four-asterisk this" fairly often to get the proper humor feel one would normally get from self-censure.

[Coidzor]

Wha? No, hon. Context. I'm saying "**** this" and "**** this" are identical after the fact and mods won't notice or care, so I actually say "four-asterisk this" fairly often to get the proper humor feel one would normally get from self-censure.

Yeah, I got that. What in the blazes did you mean by formatting then like it matters though and why didn't you just say so here when you went and explained all of the most patently obvious parts of your post and not the actually murky component?

[golentan]

Is love something you ever get over? Of all the people I've loved, I can honestly say that I still love all of them, even those who I am angry at or otherwise at an unreconciled point with, and it's frustrating. And as for the people I'm friends with, life would be so much easier if I didn't love them...

[JordantheKitty]

i feel really really bad guys
i hate everything and everyone and i hate interacting with people and everything i try to do or seems promising ends up ****ing up
i can't do homework, i hate doing homework, it makes me feel sick, but at the same time i feel like **** for not being able to do homework
i'm falling behind and it's just a hole that's getting harder and harder to climb out of
and i ****ing tried, i even signed up for that counselor but the nearest time he can even get here is three weeks from now
all of the homework is a ton of structured writing, which i hate so much
if it weren't for the fact that i have a roommate here that needs me around, i would have already curled up in bed until somebody carried me out
and to top it all off i was just in an argument with people saying that people that don't think that gender and sex are the exact same are just people trying to stand out and be special, that "if you don't subscribe to gender roles than gender loses all meaning so gender just is sex," and they ganged up on me and started insulting me because i was a furry and agendered
i just don't know what the **** to do
forget not having motivation, i don't have will anymore

[SiuiS]

I don't know how to help, kitty. All I can say is I am listening and I empathize.

Yeah, I got that. What in the blazes did you mean by formatting then like it matters though and why didn't you just say so here when you went and explained all of the most patently obvious parts of your post and not the actually murky component?

Your idea of patently obvious diverges from mine, because my response handed what you actually quoted and I did not talk about formatting except in how it applies to the topic of asterisks. Or do you not remember that walls of text with too many symbols violate the forum rules on over-formatting as much as eg all green text does?

[Philemonite]

JordantheKitty: Breath. Seriously, stop whatever you are doing, sit comfortably and take a deep breath. Forget everything that is going on, just ignore it for a second. Then take another one. Then start with one problem at a time. I find it very helpful when you are stressed. It clears up some of the mess in my head, so it might help you, emphasis on the might.
If that doesn't work my PM box is opened, if you need to talk to someone.

And speaking of Skype, mine is Sparkstron, but I haven't been there in months. I'm not a very skype-y person.

[Togath]

SiuiS: Eh? Are you saying that every time someone types "trans*" instead of "trans" it's actually taxing the site more heavily than any other 6-character string that doesn't contain an asterisk?


So, what, it went down like

Togath "Person-face, I like you."
Person Face: "You're not the first to tell me that."
Person Face: "In fact, the only people who've had crushed on me have been queer in some way or another."

or something?

Almost exactly, though they mentioned the LGBTAI part after stating that there had been two other people who said similar things to them.
Part of my issue is that I don't want to pry... And I have wondered if they are just trying to figure out a polite way to say they aren't interested.

[Kesnit]

I have recently run into an issue I never expected.

My Facebook account is under my legal (male) name. Since I didn't create the account until I was several years into transition, all my RL friends on FB are people who know me as male-name. (I have several people who knew me pre-transition, but also know about the transition.)

My 20th high school reunion was this year. My parents told me that my class had created a FB group. I checked out the group (which linked me to a lot of my old friends), but (for obvious reason) could not join. For the same reason, I could not send any of my old friends a friend request.

I thought briefly about making an account under my old name. I decided against it because the account would have nothing in it. I could update both accounts, but that would become a real pain. I have considered changing the name on my account to my initials (which are the same for old-name and new-name), but that would make it almost impossible for someone who knows me now to find me.

[Heliomance]

I have recently run into an issue I never expected.

My Facebook account is under my legal (male) name. Since I didn't create the account until I was several years into transition, all my RL friends on FB are people who know me as male-name. (I have several people who knew me pre-transition, but also know about the transition.)

My 20th high school reunion was this year. My parents told me that my class had created a FB group. I checked out the group (which linked me to a lot of my old friends), but (for obvious reason) could not join. For the same reason, I could not send any of my old friends a friend request.

I thought briefly about making an account under my old name. I decided against it because the account would have nothing in it. I could update both accounts, but that would become a real pain. I have considered changing the name on my account to my initials (which are the same for old-name and new-name), but that would make it almost impossible for someone who knows me now to find me.

You could always message some of your old friends and go "Hi, it's <old name> - I've changed a bit!" and see what they say.

I went to an all-boys school for sixth form, and they do periodic reunions. I have wondered what they'd say if I showed up!

[Jaycemonde]

@ Jordy

You know you can text me any time and I'll try my best to respond quickly. I'm sorry you have to put up with disgusting people in college. I should go up there and wreck them for you :<

[Kesnit]

Looks like I may be getting married (legally) soon. The USSC denied cert. (declined to hear) the federal appeal that struck down the SSM ban from my home state.

I think my wife and I will wait a few days to let the initial rush die down. But after saying for almost 2 years that we are married, we may actually be able to get married. (Our anniversary is in early November. Part of me wants to wait until that date.)

[Miriel]

You could always message some of your old friends and go "Hi, it's <old name> - I've changed a bit!" and see what they say.

I went to an all-boys school for sixth form, and they do periodic reunions. I have wondered what they'd say if I showed up!

Same! I strongly desire to go to our probable 10-year reunion.

Looks like I may be getting married (legally) soon. The USSC denied cert. (declined to hear) the federal appeal that struck down the SSM ban from my home state.

I think my wife and I will wait a few days to let the initial rush die down. But after saying for almost 2 years that we are married, we may actually be able to get married. (Our anniversary is in early November. Part of me wants to wait until that date.)

Congrats!

[JonathonWilder]

Looks like I may be getting married (legally) soon. The USSC denied cert. (declined to hear) the federal appeal that struck down the SSM ban from my home state.

I think my wife and I will wait a few days to let the initial rush die down. But after saying for almost 2 years that we are married, we may actually be able to get married. (Our anniversary is in early November. Part of me wants to wait until that date.)

This would be, understandably, a temporary solution. . but did you and your wife get or consider getting a civil union?

This allowing at least some of the legal rights of a married couple... or does your state not have laws for aH?

Still... good luck on your marriage.

[Lentrax]

You could always message some of your old friends and go "Hi, it's <old name> - I've changed a bit!" and see what they say.

I went to an all-boys school for sixth form, and they do periodic reunions. I have wondered what they'd say if I showed up!

I have about eight or so years before mine. I would love to show up as someone familiar, but not easily recognized, you knows?

[golentan]

I have 2 years before my 10 year reunion. I've been considering how to show up. Top of the list: Faceless mask, wizard costume, sexy dress, naked except for a thong.

[Lentrax]

My friend had decided he is going to go wearing a deedpool hoodie. When he is asked to take off his coat, he will have a deadpool mask on under it.

[Philemonite]

Top of the list: Faceless mask, wizard costume, sexy dress, naked except for a thong.

You have no idea how much I love you right now.

[Kesnit]

This would be, understandably, a temporary solution. . but did you and your wife get or consider getting a civil union?

This allowing at least some of the legal rights of a married couple... or does your state not have laws for aH?

Still... good luck on your marriage.

The state didn't recognize any same-sex relationship. But, as I said, that changed at 1:00 PM today.

[noparlpf]

Hmm. I doubt I would go to a high school reunion. Might end up going to a college reunion (for my old school, not the one I graduated from) if my friends dragged me.

[Icewraith]

i feel really really bad guys
i hate everything and everyone and i hate interacting with people and everything i try to do or seems promising ends up ****ing up
i can't do homework, i hate doing homework, it makes me feel sick, but at the same time i feel like **** for not being able to do homework
i'm falling behind and it's just a hole that's getting harder and harder to climb out of
and i ****ing tried, i even signed up for that counselor but the nearest time he can even get here is three weeks from now
all of the homework is a ton of structured writing, which i hate so much
if it weren't for the fact that i have a roommate here that needs me around, i would have already curled up in bed until somebody carried me out
and to top it all off i was just in an argument with people saying that people that don't think that gender and sex are the exact same are just people trying to stand out and be special, that "if you don't subscribe to gender roles than gender loses all meaning so gender just is sex," and they ganged up on me and started insulting me because i was a furry and agendered
i just don't know what the **** to do
forget not having motivation, i don't have will anymore

Here's my late night high school/college freak out checklist:

1: Are you getting enough sleep?
2: Are you eating regularly?
3: Are you eating well? Enough veggies? Enough protein? Too much caffeine? Too much sugar?
4: Have you been using your time wisely? Is there a certain non-sleep non-school related habit or activity that you would suddenly have a lot of productive free time if you stopped?
5: On the other end, are you remembering to take breaks, stop and smell the roses, do something creative on occasion (not all the time)?
6: What does your living area look like? A bit of mess is normal, but there's a certain level of clutter that can really make it difficult to concentrate.
7: Are you getting some kind of physical exercise semi-weekly?
8: Have there been any major tragedies in the past several months that might still be affecting you? Death of loved one (pets will still mess you up), major breakup, etc?
9: Do you or your family have a history of depression? Is it possible that you are depressed?
10: Have you ever been diagnosed with a learning disability?
11: If you answered "Yes" to 9 or 10, are you still treating it? Not everyone grows out of those things, you know.
12: Did your brain scream at you in shame for being unable to "correctly" answer one or more of the above questions? If yes, seriously revisit question 9, and maybe make an appointment with a professional to rule it out or get it treated.

It's incomplete, mainly because it's mostly generated from personal experience, but I find if I work downwards on this list I find the root cause of a large number of my own freakouts fairly quickly. The trick is to do something about the root cause instead of beating yourself up for it- if you find that happens a lot, seriously revisit questions 9 and 12.

Further:

Spoiler

Show

Hence, if you haven't been sleeping well, get some sleep and come back to the problem. If you've been subsisting off of Twinkies and Red Bull, maybe go find somewhere you can get a good salad. If you spend too much time on games or porn or something, cut down that time and refocus it on catching up academically. If you've been beating your head into the same assignment for two hours with no improvement, move on to something else and come back to it (if you've been staring at a blank screen trying to write something, start writing something related to the assignment that might go in the middle of a paper and go back later to tack on the introduction and conclusion. It's really easy to get stuck on an introduction without a paper in front of it, instead write whatever bits and pieces you think might go in the middle and build on them. Also, don't delete things, cut and paste them to a separate document or to the end of your paper so you can revisit or reuse ideas).

If it's solely an academic issue, have you talked to your teacher or professor? If one resource isn't available to you, an alternate resource should be. If you have the funds you can usually find a tutor for one or two emergency sessions, many high schools have homework help nights/periods, and many college departments have tutors available at most times of the day.

If it's a matter of staying on task, if you can find a classmate to work with you (not necessarily on the exact same thing if it's not a collaborative assignment, but just that you spend time doing the assignment in each others' vicinity and check or review each others' work so you actually get things done) it can help quite a lot.

Finally, if you find youself arguing with people who don't have personal experience with whatever it is they're dismissing, ask them how they arrived at the opinions they're expressing. You should have a much better idea of what kind of sources your audience has, and how much you'll be able to do to change their minds. If people are hostile and insulting don't waste your breath, although you might be able to point out how badly they're behaving towards a fellow human being (as long as you didn't start being hostile and insulting first). Your goal is never to "win" the debate, it is to replace whatever demonized image of a certain group of people they ended up with and replace (or at least provide with an alternative) it with the mental image of a polite, respectful human being that they can't dismiss as "other". If you don't know the answer to a question, tell them so, look it up, and actually get back to them with the answer.

[JordantheKitty]

9: Do you or your family have a history of depression? Is it possible that you are depressed?
10: Have you ever been diagnosed with a learning disability?
11: If you answered "Yes" to 9 or 10, are you still treating it? Not everyone grows out of those things, you know.
12: Did your brain scream at you in shame for being unable to "correctly" answer one or more of the above questions? If yes, seriously revisit question 9, and maybe make an appointment with a professional to rule it out or get it treated.

It's incomplete, mainly because it's mostly generated from personal experience, but I find if I work downwards on this list I find the root cause of a large number of my own freakouts fairly quickly. The trick is to do something about the root cause instead of beating yourself up for it- if you find that happens a lot, seriously revisit questions 9 and 12.

Uhm... Yeah... 12 kinda hit it on the head... But whenever I think that I honestly have depression, then I kick myself for thinking that, because I always hear about people saying that they have depression when they really don't have it, and I don't want to undermine anybody that actually has clinical depression... I don't know.. I want things to get better.. I don't want to be a failure, but every option seems insurmountable and like it'll only make me feel worse... I don't know... What do I do..?

EDIT: Oh yeah, the rest of the questions... No, I've been eating pretty healthily. I haven't gone so far as to buy salad-making stuff and raw meat to cook with, but my roommate makes sure we eat well. Could probably use a bit more fruits and veggies, but...
I've been getting a lot of sleep, but yeah, my sleep schedule is totally ****ed. My sleep pattern is basically arbitrary now. I think that's more of a symptom than a cause, though...
I have to walk a good 10-15 minutes to class from my dorms. That usually happens twice a day, so that's about an hour of walking every school day with a heavy laptop bag full of books and papers in it. I've been more active than I have been in a long time.

[golentan]

You have no idea how much I love you right now.

I'm free for a date next time you're in San Jose.

[Grytorm]

i feel really really bad guys
i hate everything and everyone and i hate interacting with people and everything i try to do or seems promising ends up ****ing up
i can't do homework, i hate doing homework, it makes me feel sick, but at the same time i feel like **** for not being able to do homework
i'm falling behind and it's just a hole that's getting harder and harder to climb out of
and i ****ing tried, i even signed up for that counselor but the nearest time he can even get here is three weeks from now
all of the homework is a ton of structured writing, which i hate so much
if it weren't for the fact that i have a roommate here that needs me around, i would have already curled up in bed until somebody carried me out
and to top it all off i was just in an argument with people saying that people that don't think that gender and sex are the exact same are just people trying to stand out and be special, that "if you don't subscribe to gender roles than gender loses all meaning so gender just is sex," and they ganged up on me and started insulting me because i was a furry and agendered
i just don't know what the **** to do
forget not having motivation, i don't have will anymore

*Gets around to reading Jordan's post. Offers hug.*

I hope you can hold on until you get into therapy and that your therapist is useful instead of annoying. And just do what you need to do to hold on. Best of luck.

[Jaycemonde]

Your idea of patently obvious diverges from mine, because my response handed what you actually quoted and I did not talk about formatting except in how it applies to the topic of asterisks. Or do you not remember that walls of text with too many symbols violate the forum rules on over-formatting as much as eg all green text does?

I myself got what you meant, for the record. I don't really think personally adding asterisks would count, but that's just me.

On the Reunion thing: I'd love to go to a reunion of some kind in a way that nobody could really recognize me at first, but I'd 1). never be able to afford the necessary **** prior to doing that (such as, y'know, hormones) and 2). I would probably get my ass beat by anyone nearby when they found out.
Oh, and I'm seriously considering just leaving the forum and never coming back after the latest fun adventure.

[golentan]

YEEAAAH!!!!

Spoiler: Awesomeness

Show

Spoiler: Context

Show

This is a comic not primarily about LGBT issues in which a trans woman and a straight man are interested in each other and apart from some nervousness when she came out they have never implied that she is any less of a woman or that Marten is any less straight for liking her. Also, Claire is adorable and I want to hug her and I am envious of Marten.

[Serpentine]

Dammit Golly, spoilers! :P

I have recently run into an issue I never expected.

My Facebook account is under my legal (male) name. Since I didn't create the account until I was several years into transition, all my RL friends on FB are people who know me as male-name. (I have several people who knew me pre-transition, but also know about the transition.)

My 20th high school reunion was this year. My parents told me that my class had created a FB group. I checked out the group (which linked me to a lot of my old friends), but (for obvious reason) could not join. For the same reason, I could not send any of my old friends a friend request.

I thought briefly about making an account under my old name. I decided against it because the account would have nothing in it. I could update both accounts, but that would become a real pain. I have considered changing the name on my account to my initials (which are the same for old-name and new-name), but that would make it almost impossible for someone who knows me now to find me.

Are the "obvious reasons" that they don't recognise your new name so you won't be allowed in, that you expect a great deal of negative response if they found out who you are, and/or that you don't want your old name associated with your new name? The first one is easy fixed, but first + 3rd would be complicated.
I have a high school friend who turned out to be trans. The school was in a small country town and she used to get a lot of crap for being gay (closeted, but widely guessed), so I expect a lot of people wouldn't respond well, but on the other hand in my opinion this person the adult woman is a much better person in nearly every way than this person the teenage male, so I think a lot of people would also be pretty impressed. And I think enough of my class would now be enlightened enough to call out the worst of the others. But we were due for our 10 year anniversary last year, and I never heard anything about it, so it's a bit moot.

[Coidzor]

I myself got what you meant, for the record. I don't really think personally adding asterisks would count, but that's just me.

On the Reunion thing: I'd love to go to a reunion of some kind in a way that nobody could really recognize me at first, but I'd 1). never be able to afford the necessary **** prior to doing that (such as, y'know, hormones) and 2). I would probably get my ass beat by anyone nearby when they found out.
Oh, and I'm seriously considering just leaving the forum and never coming back after the latest fun adventure.

The main admonition is against a wall of asterisks from what I recall of the rules. Any reasonable amount of asterisks would therefore not ping and not bear mention.

[The Succubus]

@Golly: Eeeeeeeeeeee! ^_^

I really this isn't a dream sequence or something like that. Claire is just *adorable*!