LGBTAI+ #52: Aces High

[Heliomance]

I actually squeed when I read today's strip ^_^

[The Succubus]

I actually squeed when I read today's strip ^_^

Squeeliomance?

[Castaras]

Uhm... Yeah... 12 kinda hit it on the head... But whenever I think that I honestly have depression, then I kick myself for thinking that, because I always hear about people saying that they have depression when they really don't have it, and I don't want to undermine anybody that actually has clinical depression... I don't know.. I want things to get better.. I don't want to be a failure, but every option seems insurmountable and like it'll only make me feel worse... I don't know... What do I do..?

I don't know what the psychological provisions are near you, but if you're at a school/college/university, there should be on campus provisions for helping diagnose and treat depression. Make no mistake, depression is a disease that if treated will help. Whether you have or don't have it? Doesn't matter.

I have mild depression and severe anxiety. The latter was easy for me to accept because of how big a thing it was. The depression was a lot harder to accept, and it took a long while for me to start doing something about it. I still don't have it anywhere near as bad as anyone else I know who has depression. But it doesn't matter what others may have. What matters is You, because you are you, not someone else.

TL;DR: Go get an appointment with a doctor/counseller/whatever feels most comfortable for you. I personally found the best person for me was my university's accessability centre, I know others who went to specific therapists. Tell them exactly what you told us. The fears of not having it, the belief you might. See what comes of it. If you don't have technically "depression", low moods and lack of motivation can still be helped by these professionals.

[Serpentine]

News. Bad news.
A woman was murdered by her husband in my city. When the police turned up to investigate a weird smell, the man, a chef, ran away, slit his own throat, and threw himself into a bin. In the apartment, police found the woman's remains - some bits, reports suggest, cooking away on the stove.
A spectacular story, by all accounts, and tragic.
Then the media got a hold of it...

Spoiler: Transphobia, crappy journalism

Show

It turns out the victim was an Indonesian transsexual sex worker, and this is how one local newspaper treated the story:




I haven't been able to read the article itself, but I'm told the online version is pretty much the same (the version here seems to be an expanded version of the one I originally read). It spent at least 6 paragraphs discussing her gender and occupation, which as this article points out had absolutely nothing to do with her murder. The article also used a number of photos of her modelling swimwear to illustrate the story, including on the front page. The whole thing is disgusting.
There are two points of light in this debacle:
1. She was never misgendered, except in direct quotes from her mother.
2. A number of people I know, trans and not trans, are being very vocal in their disgust, and a number of articles are springing up.

So far I've seen articles from Same Same and the one I've already linked, and I just discovered this open letter. There's probably more by now.
If anyone wants to make a complaint, here's the contact info of the writers:
rose.brennan at news.com.au,
tom.chamberlin at news.com.au,
mckennak at newsqueensland.com.au,
And the editor: chris.dore at news.com.au
or alternatively readerhelp at qnp.newsltd.com.au
A complaint can also be made to the Australian Press Council.
There's also a petition to have them apologise.

[Miriel]

News. Bad news.
A woman was murdered by her husband in my city. When the police turned up to investigate a weird smell, the man, a chef, ran away, slit his own throat, and threw himself into a bin. In the apartment, police found the woman's remains - some bits, reports suggest, cooking away on the stove.
A spectacular story, by all accounts, and tragic.
Then the media got a hold of it...

Spoiler: Transphobia, crappy journalism

Show

It turns out the victim was an Indonesian transsexual sex worker, and this is how one local newspaper treated the story:




I haven't been able to read the article itself, but I'm told the online version is pretty much the same (the version here seems to be an expanded version of the one I originally read). It spent at least 6 paragraphs discussing her gender and occupation, which as this article points out had absolutely nothing to do with her murder. The article also used a number of photos of her modelling swimwear to illustrate the story, including on the front page. The whole thing is disgusting.
There are two points of light in this debacle:
1. She was never misgendered, except in direct quotes from her mother.
2. A number of people I know, trans and not trans, are being very vocal in their disgust, and a number of articles are springing up.

So far I've seen articles from Same Same and the one I've already linked, and I just discovered this open letter. There's probably more by now.
If anyone wants to make a complaint, here's the contact info of the writers:
rose.brennan at news.com.au,
tom.chamberlin at news.com.au,
mckennak at newsqueensland.com.au,
And the editor: chris.dore at news.com.au
or alternatively readerhelp at qnp.newsltd.com.au
A complaint can also be made to the Australian Press Council.
There's also a petition to have them apologise.

Shared the petition.

/me is furious.

[The Succubus]

Signed.

Then again, it has the word "Mail" in its title, so I didn't exactly have high hopes for high quality journalism.

[JordantheKitty]

stuff

Well... We do have a grand total of.. One counselor on campus. And the neighboring technical college has a nurse. Wee.
I'm speaking to the Dean today. I met him at our LGBT+ group; he's been openly gay since he was in college. He seems really nice, and I trust him.. So I figured that he'd be good to turn to considering I've been missing all these classes and I'm on this downward spiral. Or freefall.

[Lentrax]

News. Bad news.
A woman was murdered by her husband in my city. When the police turned up to investigate a weird smell, the man, a chef, ran away, slit his own throat, and threw himself into a bin. In the apartment, police found the woman's remains - some bits, reports suggest, cooking away on the stove.
A spectacular story, by all accounts, and tragic.
Then the media got a hold of it...

Spoiler: Transphobia, crappy journalism

Show

It turns out the victim was an Indonesian transsexual sex worker, and this is how one local newspaper treated the story:




I haven't been able to read the article itself, but I'm told the online version is pretty much the same (the version here seems to be an expanded version of the one I originally read). It spent at least 6 paragraphs discussing her gender and occupation, which as this article points out had absolutely nothing to do with her murder. The article also used a number of photos of her modelling swimwear to illustrate the story, including on the front page. The whole thing is disgusting.
There are two points of light in this debacle:
1. She was never misgendered, except in direct quotes from her mother.
2. A number of people I know, trans and not trans, are being very vocal in their disgust, and a number of articles are springing up.

So far I've seen articles from Same Same and the one I've already linked, and I just discovered this open letter. There's probably more by now.
If anyone wants to make a complaint, here's the contact info of the writers:
rose.brennan at news.com.au,
tom.chamberlin at news.com.au,
mckennak at newsqueensland.com.au,
And the editor: chris.dore at news.com.au
or alternatively readerhelp at qnp.newsltd.com.au
A complaint can also be made to the Australian Press Council.
There's also a petition to have them apologise.

Signed, and shared.

[Kesnit]

Are the "obvious reasons" that they don't recognise your new name so you won't be allowed in, that you expect a great deal of negative response if they found out who you are, and/or that you don't want your old name associated with your new name?

All of the above. Since my last name didn't change (and my class was only 104 people), there would be no question who I am if I had asked to join. A lot of people in my class (including several of my friends) are closed-minded-religious, so I don't think they would react well. My parents still live in that town (which is really small), so they would likely have to deal with the backlash.

BTW, the reunion itself was last May. I'm not sure the group even has anyone monitoring it any more. I was more wishing I could reconnect with people I knew, rather than wishing I could have gone to the reunion.

I don't know what the psychological provisions are near you, but if you're at a school/college/university, there should be on campus provisions for helping diagnose and treat depression. Make no mistake, depression is a disease that if treated will help. Whether you have or don't have it? Doesn't matter.

I have mild depression and severe anxiety. The latter was easy for me to accept because of how big a thing it was. The depression was a lot harder to accept, and it took a long while for me to start doing something about it. I still don't have it anywhere near as bad as anyone else I know who has depression. But it doesn't matter what others may have. What matters is You, because you are you, not someone else.

THIS!!!

I had depression several years ago, but refused to do anything about it. I thought admitting I needed help was a sign of weakness. Instead, I went home from work, curled up with my dogs, and cried. I thought about suicide a lot, but never really got to the point I wanted to do it because (1) there would be no one to take care of my dogs, and (2) I couldn't think of a painless way to die.

I finally got forced to see a psychiatrist. (I'd been seeing a therapist, but my insurance wouldn't cover more visits unless I saw a shrink and got medication.) I went on an anti-depressant - and my world changed. It wasn't overnight, but very quickly, I stopped crying and rejoined the world.

[JonathonWilder]

Signed, and shared.

I admit that I have not signed petitions, but is there a reason why so much information for me is required? It always makes me a bit nervous to give out my name, email, and address online.

Will mail be set to me, is that way it is asked for?

[Lentrax]

I admit that I have not signed petitions, but is there a reason why so much information for me is required? It always makes me a bit nervous to give out my name, email, and address online.

Will mail be set to me, is that way it is asked for?

I have not had them or anyone else send me things because of signing petitions here (or anywhere for that matter)

[golentan]

I admit that I have not signed petitions, but is there a reason why so much information for me is required? It always makes me a bit nervous to give out my name, email, and address online.

Will mail be set to me, is that way it is asked for?

Petitions usually ask for that information to prove the petitioners aren't padding their signatures with fake names.

[The_Snark]

Uhm... Yeah... 12 kinda hit it on the head... But whenever I think that I honestly have depression, then I kick myself for thinking that, because I always hear about people saying that they have depression when they really don't have it, and I don't want to undermine anybody that actually has clinical depression... I don't know.. I want things to get better.. I don't want to be a failure, but every option seems insurmountable and like it'll only make me feel worse... I don't know... What do I do..?

I just wanted to comment that, speaking as someone who has been diagnosed with clinical depression, some of those symptoms sound awfully familiar, including the bit about being reluctant to think I might be depressed because other people have it worse. I would advise not deciding against it - it's sensible to be wary about self-diagnosing, but deciding that you must not have depression is also a self-diagnosis.

Talking to someone about it - a counselor, friendly dean, family you're comfortable confiding in, whoever - is a good step. It might take time to help, it might not end up helping, but taking steps to deal with the problem - whether it's depression or something else - is a good habit to be in.

[Axinian]

Uhm... Yeah... 12 kinda hit it on the head... But whenever I think that I honestly have depression, then I kick myself for thinking that, because I always hear about people saying that they have depression when they really don't have it, and I don't want to undermine anybody that actually has clinical depression... I don't know.. I want things to get better.. I don't want to be a failure, but every option seems insurmountable and like it'll only make me feel worse... I don't know... What do I do..?

I just wanted to comment that, speaking as someone who has been diagnosed with clinical depression, some of those symptoms sound awfully familiar, including the bit about being reluctant to think I might be depressed because other people have it worse. I would advise not deciding against it - it's sensible to be wary about self-diagnosing, but deciding that you must not have depression is also a self-diagnosis.

Talking to someone about it - a counselor, friendly dean, family you're comfortable confiding in, whoever - is a good step. It might take time to help, it might not end up helping, but taking steps to deal with the problem - whether it's depression or something else - is a good habit to be in.

I have had similar thoughts as someone else who has been diagnosed. It's a normal thought to have, but if you're feeling down, you should talk to someone, depression or no. Other people may have it worse, but that doesn't make your feelings any less valid. When it comes to these sorts of things, no one's pain is any more or less valid than another's.

[JonathonWilder]

I have not had them or anyone else send me things because of signing petitions here (or anywhere for that matter)

Petitions usually ask for that information to prove the petitioners aren't padding their signatures with fake names.

Hmm, okay. I admit as I am living with my parents for another month, making that the address I would use, I also have a bit if concern about them learning of me signing the the petition and that bringing questions on why I signed.

I am someone that wishes to avoid cobflict if I can help it... which is why I often mind my own business and don't involve myself. Unless abuse is involved.

Yet I am willing to sign the petition, as I feel what is being asked is fair and reasonable. This newsgroup should have used different identifiers for this woman who was murdered, if even mention she was transgender and a sex worker at all, and I can understand why others to be upset about it.

Question though, since when was using the word prostitute considered an insulting slur? Isn't that simply what people who have sex for money are called?
------------------

I have signed the petition

[Icewraith]

Uhm... Yeah... 12 kinda hit it on the head... But whenever I think that I honestly have depression, then I kick myself for thinking that, because I always hear about people saying that they have depression when they really don't have it, and I don't want to undermine anybody that actually has clinical depression... I don't know.. I want things to get better.. I don't want to be a failure, but every option seems insurmountable and like it'll only make me feel worse... I don't know... What do I do..?

EDIT: Oh yeah, the rest of the questions... No, I've been eating pretty healthily. I haven't gone so far as to buy salad-making stuff and raw meat to cook with, but my roommate makes sure we eat well. Could probably use a bit more fruits and veggies, but...
I've been getting a lot of sleep, but yeah, my sleep schedule is totally ****ed. My sleep pattern is basically arbitrary now. I think that's more of a symptom than a cause, though...
I have to walk a good 10-15 minutes to class from my dorms. That usually happens twice a day, so that's about an hour of walking every school day with a heavy laptop bag full of books and papers in it. I've been more active than I have been in a long time.

You know, I thought it might. Go see your school's therapist or another one in the area - if you don't think you have health insurance you actually should through either your parents OR the school. Get it checked out. See a medical doctor (MD, psychiatrist, or psychologist, preferably one of the latter) and get evaluated. Maybe you have depression, maybe you don't. Get it and physical stuff like hormone imbalances (everyone has hormones, everyone can have them be out of balance, or have a vitamin deficiency, or other things) out of the way so you either know what's going on or have ruled out things going wrong physically.

The unknown is always worse than the known. No medical professional is going to judge you or look down on you for having issues- this sort of thing actually happens to a lot of people in college. A lot of times it actually is at least temporary depression brought on by stress, or you might be clinically depressed, or there might be other things. But if you know, then you can come up with a plan (or other people can hand you a plan that's worked for other people with your problem) to handle things while if you don't know all you can do is try and slog on through the day while being miserable and hoping you suddenly start feeling better. Get checked out and know where you stand. (Also, know that if you are depressed, your brain is probably going to come up with all kinds of excuses and fears as to why you shouldn't go see a doctor. If your brain is out of balance then it's not qualified to tell you how it's doing, but a doctor is, so go see a doctor.)

One more thing- it might look like you're in grade school again, but speaking as someone who's walked long distances with a laptop bag full of heavy things, may I suggest investing in a real backpack or some other conveyance that will evenly distribute the weight between both shoulders? Your back and knees will thank you in the long run. Also, good shoes if you don't wear them already.

[Serpentine]

I've never received snailmail from them, and I think you don't even have to include your whole address. I do receive email notifications, but only because I've said I want to.

Question though, since when was using the word prostitute considered an insulting slur? Isn't that simply what people who have sex for money are called?
------------------

I believe it's a term that varies within the industry - some people would be fine with being called a prostitute, others would be offended. As I understand it "sex worker" is the generally accepted term, and so is the one that should have been used in a professional publication - IF it needed to be mentioned at all.

[golentan]

I believe it's a term that varies within the industry - some people would be fine with being called a prostitute, others would be offended. As I understand it "sex worker" is the generally accepted term, and so is the one that should have been used in a professional publication - IF it needed to be mentioned at all.

Sex work/Prostitution is such a loaded issue anyway. I've known professional sex workers who legitimately liked their job and were in it because they were good at and enjoyed it. I've also heard (but not seen) horror stories that amount to slavery or a choice between sex work and starvation. I don't think the first case is anyone's business but the people doing it and their clients, and I think it's really stupid and counterproductive to have the laws on the books that put people in the second category in jail rather than protecting them from their abusers.

[Grytorm]

Can someone give me encouragement in getting around to coming out to my dad. I go to sleep planning on telling him in the morning then not do it. Probably my plan is not the best. Just dressing up and coming down to talk to him.

[Serpentine]

Update on that "newspaper's" reporting:

Spoiler

Show

HE WAS A PROSTITUTE TOO THO GUIZE!!1!

(yes, it's upside down. No, I can't be bothered turning it around. Stand on your head or something)

And also an... acknowledgement, that "many believe" they were "disrespectful". No apology though, of course.


Positive points: the column to the right of the second picture was a much more respectful, evenhanded overview of the victim, and nary a swimsuit to be seen.

[Heliomance]

Ohmyglod QC is just so adorable right now *squees*

ION, today's xkcd is interesting, if a little depressing:

[SiuiS]

Update on that "newspaper's" reporting:

Spoiler

Show

HE WAS A PROSTITUTE TOO THO GUIZE!!1!

(yes, it's upside down. No, I can't be bothered turning it around. Stand on your head or something)

And also an... acknowledgement, that "many believe" they were "disrespectful". No apology though, of course.


Positive points: the column to the right of the second picture was a much more respectful, evenhanded overview of the victim, and nary a swimsuit to be seen.

Wow. They've obviously not actually learned how to take responsibility for when you mess up.

Sigh.

[Miriel]

Can someone give me encouragement in getting around to coming out to my dad. I go to sleep planning on telling him in the morning then not do it. Probably my plan is not the best. Just dressing up and coming down to talk to him.

Good luck

[Sobol]

today's xkcd is interesting, if a little depressing:

Since all the lines are going up, I see nothing particularly depressing in it. Strange, yes, and something to ponder over - but not depressing.

[Heliomance]

Since all the lines are going up, I see nothing particularly depressing in it. Strange, yes, and something to ponder over - but not depressing.

The fact that same-sex marriage doesn't have full legal equality despite having vastly higher public approval ratings than interracial marriage did when it was legalised.

[Mono Vertigo]

Ohmyglod QC is just so adorable right now *squees*

ION, today's xkcd is interesting, if a little depressing:

I was going to post that! *shakes fist*
I am massively horrified by such a slow increase of popular approval of interracial marriage. That the opinions of same-sex marriage seem to shift sliiightly more quickly comforts me, though, and I hope the trend is going steadily/faster.
(Seriously, 50% approval in 1995? What the hell is wrong with people? No, no, don't answer, please, I'm probably going to learn more about that by the time I watch the news.)



Along the same lines, there's a hidden camera show called "Cam Clash" in France that tests the reaction of bystanders toward acts of sexism/racism/harassment/etc, where the aggressor and the victims are both actors. In one episode, there was a (fake) gay couple, and a (fake) homophobic server at a cafe. When the server starts insulting the couple or "merely" tells them to stop flaunting their sexuality and kissing (they generally experiment with different degrees of aggression), there are quite a few bystanders who speak up against the server. In the one sequence shown where the clients agreed with the server (when he was not straight-out insulting but wanting them to stop "showing off"), they explained they would have disapproved equally of a straight couple that had acted this way. (Whether this is a lie or a conservative view about demonstrations of love in public, is probably going to stay a mystery, but I'm at least glad they came up with an internally rational reply rather than "gays are icky".)
No idea how many people react to each of these scenes, but they generally make me feel a bit better about humanity. (Don't think too hard about the reactions you'd get somewhere than in [what I assume to be] Paris, though. We don't need confirmation that people can be terrible.)

[Sobol]

The fact that same-sex marriage doesn't have full legal equality despite having vastly higher public approval ratings than interracial marriage did when it was legalised.

As I see it - when legalizing interracial marriage, the US government were ahead of the general public. That speaks well of the government. It's great to live in a country with a good government, but it's even more important to live in a country with good people. Now the general public is ahead of the languid and conservative legal system; but sooner or later, governments yield to the public opinion.

[Icewraith]

I was going to post that! *shakes fist*
I am massively horrified by such a slow increase of popular approval of interracial marriage. That the opinions of same-sex marriage seem to shift sliiightly more quickly comforts me, though, and I hope the trend is going steadily/faster.
(Seriously, 50% approval in 1995? What the hell is wrong with people? No, no, don't answer, please, I'm probably going to learn more about that by the time I watch the news.)



Along the same lines, there's a hidden camera show called "Cam Clash" in France that tests the reaction of bystanders toward acts of sexism/racism/harassment/etc, where the aggressor and the victims are both actors. In one episode, there was a (fake) gay couple, and a (fake) homophobic server at a cafe. When the server starts insulting the couple or "merely" tells them to stop flaunting their sexuality and kissing (they generally experiment with different degrees of aggression), there are quite a few bystanders who speak up against the server. In the one sequence shown where the clients agreed with the server (when he was not straight-out insulting but wanting them to stop "showing off"), they explained they would have disapproved equally of a straight couple that had acted this way. (Whether this is a lie or a conservative view about demonstrations of love in public, is probably going to stay a mystery, but I'm at least glad they came up with an internally rational reply rather than "gays are icky".)
No idea how many people react to each of these scenes, but they generally make me feel a bit better about humanity. (Don't think too hard about the reactions you'd get somewhere than in [what I assume to be] Paris, though. We don't need confirmation that people can be terrible.)

I always wonder if there aren't a couple extra ringers in the crowd aside from the known actors on those kinds of shows.

Interracial marriage is still a big deal in some cultures. I am familiar with the situation of a mid-twenties asian man that impregnated (some sort of contraceptive screw up I believe, but "accidentally" isn't the best word to use in this context) his african-american girlfriend and was almost immediately ejected from living at home by his family. Living with the family post-college is not uncommon where I live since cost of living is so high.

(Another, significantly more tolerant family of one of his friends is letting the couple use a spare room until they can get on their feet)

[Septimus Faber]

As I see it - when legalizing interracial marriage, the US government were ahead of the general public. That speaks well of the government. It's great to live in a country with a good government, but it's even more important to live in a country with good people. Now the general public is ahead of the languid and conservative legal system; but sooner or later, governments yield to the public opinion.

An interesting point of view, and one that I would probably under ordinary circumstances happily have an interesting debate about - but this does seem to be getting a little overly close to Real World Politics.

[Coidzor]

Ohmyglod QC is just so adorable right now *squees*

ION, today's xkcd is interesting, if a little depressing:

I dunno, that the majority approves of same sex marriage without it having to be the law of the land for about 30 years first seems like it's actually a good thing if you view it for that. We hit majority approval 3 years ago and now we're hitting majority legal access, which, y'know, justice delayed is justice denied and all that, but 3 years to turn from the one to the other is still not that terrible.

And if you're depressed about Interracial marriage, well, that's an issue that has much, much deeper roots in the U.S. than homophobia and touches upon not just White culture but every other racial culture in this country as well.