Deliberately terrible character ideas

[daremetoidareyo]

A randy malkonvoker. Human.

Charm person is the most potent pick up trick in known existence...except charm monster. But a malkonvoker has special access.

"Look at this world: there's half orcs, half elves, half fiends, half angels, half dragons. What is the common element here? Humans can breed with anything. It is my goal to have as diverse a set of children as possible!"

or

"I am going to prove definitively that it is nurture, not nature, that makes creatures good or bad!"

When you malkonvoke the wrong gendered demon, polymorph self into a female version of yourself...get your cleric friend to geas those fiends for childsupport...

If you're ever stricken with madness, start to assume that parasites are nothing more than a different way to "give birth/sire children" and go out of your way to get infested...as safely as possible.

[Fax Celestis]

A randy malkonvoker. Human.

Charm person is the most potent pick up trick in known existence...except charm monster. But a malkonvoker has special access.

"Look at this world: there's half orcs, half elves, half fiends, half angels, half dragons. What is the common element here? Humans can breed with anything. It is my goal to have as diverse a set of children as possible!"

or

"I am going to prove definitively that it is nurture, not nature, that makes creatures good or bad!"

When you malkonvoke the wrong gendered demon, polymorph self into a female version of yourself...get your cleric friend to geas those fiends for childsupport...

If you're ever stricken with madness, start to assume that parasites are nothing more than a different way to "give birth/sire children" and go out of your way to get infested...as safely as possible.

Human: Hey elf, you look like a girl.
Elf: To a human, everything must look like a girl.
Human: What?
Elf: Half-orcs, half-ogres...
Human: ...shut up.
Dwarf: Half-dragons, half-kobolds.
Human: I said shut up!
Elf: ...
Dwarf: ...
Human: ...
Elf: Centaurs...

[nedz]

I once had the idea for a female dwarf wizard with Int 11. Her name was Paula Deen the Butter Queen, and would only respond to the entire name. She knew one spell: Grease.

Was the spell re-fluffed as Butter ?

Reminds me of an NPC Bard with 10 Cha I assigned to a party once (Military/Fantasy campaign). He was sort of the most powerful character but only because of an item the party had which required someone with Perform (Horn) to use it.

[Augment Tab]

Necropolitan Commoner 1/Dread Necromancer X with Chicken-Infested Flaw. EWP (gnome quickrazor), Corpsecrafter, and Destructive Retribution. Convince your DM that since you're undead, the chickens you draw are also undead. Congratulations, you now have unlimited guided negative energy bombs. Swarm entire towns, kill everyone inside, take their money. Become the dreaded Lich King of Chickens.

[Zaq]

A character who wields Eagle's Claws (an exotic weapon from Sandstorm) with Rapid Shot, Throw Anything, TWF, Quick Draw, and Eagle's Fury. Oh, and Whirling Frenzy. Rapid Shot, TWF, Eagle's Fury, and Whirling Frenzy all give you penalties to hit but let you make an extra attack. You'll be making tons of attacks per turn, and all of them at a hilariously low to-hit. (Statistically, I think that you're still coming out ahead making five attacks at –8 rather than one attack at –0, but regardless. Someone else can do the math.)

Another idea: The Beacon. Find as many things as possible that make your character glowy, and use them all. Asherati, the Diadem of Purelight, that one feat from BoED that I can't remember right now, and so on. For extra fun, realize that there's nothing in the rules that says that bright light + bright light = really bright light; all of them are independent, and you're really only as bright as the biggest of them. BUT YOU DON'T CARE.

[Augment Tab]

A character who wields Eagle's Claws (an exotic weapon from Sandstorm) with Rapid Shot, Throw Anything, TWF, Quick Draw, and Eagle's Fury. Oh, and Whirling Frenzy. Rapid Shot, TWF, Eagle's Fury, and Whirling Frenzy all give you penalties to hit but let you make an extra attack. You'll be making tons of attacks per turn, and all of them at a hilariously low to-hit. (Statistically, I think that you're still coming out ahead making five attacks at –8 rather than one attack at –0, but regardless. Someone else can do the math.)

Another idea: The Beacon. Find as many things as possible that make your character glowy, and use them all. Asherati, the Diadem of Purelight, that one feat from BoED that I can't remember right now, and so on. For extra fun, realize that there's nothing in the rules that says that bright light + bright light = really bright light; all of them are independent, and you're really only as bright as the biggest of them. BUT YOU DON'T CARE.

Ghost elf is another possibility. They're from some Dragon Magazine, I think maybe 319 or something.

[...]

I present -for your consideration- my favorite character concept ever:

The Psionic Sandwich by Tleilaxu_Ghola

Spoiler

Show

...the most optimal way to create the most un-optimal character is to use the following sequence and build:

Race: Elan
Build: Telepath 20
Feats: Any, must have EK(Astral Seed) and skill focus (craft [basket weaving])

1. Acquire a loaf of bread (2cp)
2. Turn the bread into a sandwich (craft DC 5) (probably 2 minutes)
3. Polymorph the sandwich (preferably ham with mustard, pepperoni, salami, and jalapenos) into a fuzzy little bunny. (NPC casting 1200 gp) (1 standard action)
4. Cast astral seed (10 minutes)
5. Ritualistically slay yourself with favored method of suicide. Be sure to place your storage crystal next to the sandwich turned bunny. (I prefer to be killed with a dagger to the heart... :shifty: ) (Approximately 5 rounds)
6. Use mind-switch (the 6th level power) to switch with the rabbit, while in your storage crystal. (1 std action)
7. Metamorph into a troll and smash your storage crystal (now containing the mind of a sandwich). (2 standard actions)
8. Use psychic chirurgery to remove your negative level gotten from committing suicide. (10 minutes)
9. Dismiss your metamorphosis and manifest dispel psionics on yourself (to dispel the polymorph). (2 standard actions)

Congratulations, your ascension to the sublime state of a sandwich took:
23 minutes 6 seconds and cost you 1200.02 gold pieces.

Have the BSF carry you around in his lunch sack.

No, be the fighter's secondary weapon.

[icefractal]

With the Psionic Sandwich Trick, I think the ridiculous move would be to be something that's very large and unwieldy. Like a giant stone Easter Island style head, or a grand piano. Don't take any kind of Flight or TK powers, instead make people carry you around.

[Arbane]

No, be the fighter's secondary weapon.

GOOD IDEA!

- A Warmage or blaster Sorcerer with the fire subtype (or who is otherwise immune to fire). Drop AoE fire spells centered on yourself. For an extra-concentrated dose of stupid, fluff them as explosive flatulence.

Nuclear Dan, is that you?

(Last time I played a summoner-type, I decided the Dretch's Stinking Cloud was the Fart of Doom. Close enough...)

[Thurbane]

Dragonborn Drow Healer. LA +2, and Dragonborn wipes out all of the Drow special abilities. Int +2, Cha +2. And Healer is pretty much at the bottom of the tier ladder to begin with - thow LA +2 on there, and away you go.

Necropolitan Gnome Barbarian: Necropolitan wipes out your Con bonus, you would be getting d12 HD anyway, and you are a small creature with -2 Str in melee.

And just for fun, Vanara with the Winged template (LA +2) Fighter - "Fly my pretties!".

[StoneCipher]

Master thrower that is blinded and has no blindfighting feats.

[Thurbane]

Master thrower that is blinded and has no blindfighting feats.

On that note, Grimlock Fighter/Order of the Bow Initiate. He's really great at shooting things within 40 feet, but other than that, forget about it.

[Fax Celestis]

On that note, Grimlock Fighter/Order of the Bow Initiate. He's really great at shooting things within 40 feet, but other than that, forget about it.

How about one step further? Grimlock Fighter/Cragtop Archer!

[Milodiah]

"Sergeant says to put these bells around your neck, it should help with all the friendly-fire incidents...it's kinda inevitable when our archers are operating by smell, ya know."

[Hamste]

Not really sure what the build would be but have a guy that was his own (and his parties) worst enemy.

He has so much anxiety about failure that he somehow manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Starting a fire on a wood boat.
Sneezing at just the wrong time.
Etc

It would be fun but at the same time a challenging balancing act so as not to do something that will kill the party, just make everything harder than it needs to be.

Literally be his own worst enemy. Take favored enemy: Your race (Try buffing this as much possible), a bane weapon for your race, cast an anti-life shell (assuming you are alive) and then be a general arse to everyone of your own race. If ever asked about your race, answer that you are a race that looks nothing like your own or hates your race like saying your are an orc when you are quite obviously an elf. There may be other things I'm missing but that is just the general idea.

[Thurbane]

Ogre Mage Sorcerer 1: ECL 13, with nothing but 1 level of casting and some underpowered Su and Sp powers. The only thing going for you is Regeneration - grab yourself some sort of Acid and Fire Resistance ASAP!

[Malroth]

Jermlaine Warlock2/monk x Max Hide and move silently, Grab Darkstalker from Lords of Madness and Blend into Darkness from Drow of the Underdark (use your warlock dip to grab darkness as a SLA and Devil's Sight) spend your wealth on stealth enhancers and spend most fights avoiding attention or covering the battlefield in Darkness.

[Thurbane]

Jermlaine Warlock2/monk x Max Hide and move silently, Grab Darkstalker from Lords of Madness and Blend into Darkness from Drow of the Underdark (use your warlock dip to grab darkness as a SLA and Devil's Sight) spend your wealth on stealth enhancers and spend most fights avoiding attention or covering the battlefield in Darkness.

You might as well throw the Dark template and Vecna Blooded on there too.

[yoshi67]

A Barbarian, spend everything on the biggest adamantine weapon you can (possibly Large or bigger with strongarm bracers or similar effect), Improved Sunder, and Sunder everything.

Or a Grappler who never carries a weapon and tries to kill all enemies with their own weapon.

[Malroth]

Half Minotaur Orc Specialist Conjorer with Willing Deformity Obese and a Backpack full of Rocks loaded to his heavy load and a Humming bird/raven familiar uses Benign transportation to warp on top of enemies dealing falling damage as his main combat schtick.

[SiuiS]

Fighter1 warlock 1 Eldritch knight X (a paladin). Use hideous blow to smite evil. Far the acquire familiar feat for a mount.

Sir bearington: bear with Int 3, high disguise and bluff skills. Pretends to be a cavalier. Is actually just a bear. The first time an NPC beats his bluff or disguise check, just growl and roar, attack and run off into the wild.

Steve: an old-school stat-swap barbarian. Int/wis/Cha 3, really high physical stats. Prone to fall down when it rains and cry because he can't swim.

Asher Bruin, esquire: human Jotunbrud fighter/monk/reaping mauler. Think Armstronf from full metal alchemist, if Armstrong was a luchadore. Feats can get you Crazy places, like running, kicking off a friend, kicking off a manticore, grabbing another manticore, throwing it at the first one, grappling and pile driving a third, and stomping the ground really hard (iaijutsu unarmed attack) to break the stone ground and throwing boulders. Adding in the eventual ability to gain a feat temporarily but at will via shenanigans gets you the ability to Hulk Out, where activating that feat also activates all your Warhulk class levels.

[Nousos]

A vow of poverty artificier. Convince your dm to let you go ahead and use the wealth you gain to craft magic items, as long as you give everything you make to the poor. Some of those commoners will succumb to temptation and use those items of immense power to try and take over a kingdom. (or a BBEG just takes them away from the poor, because you know, they ARE just commoners)

You will be nothing but a drain on your party, and they will be pissed when they find out those heavily decked out golems you made and just gave away are being used to ruin their day.

Then when your party manages to win the day, you get your share of the loot, and the process repeats.

[sakuuya]

Nuclear Dan, is that you?

(Last time I played a summoner-type, I decided the Dretch's Stinking Cloud was the Fart of Doom. Close enough...)

I've been thinking of him as Le Pétomane, but Nuclear Dan is also pretty accurate. And a lot of spells end up gross/juvenilely funny when fluffed as bodily secretions. Color Spray, for instance

[draken50]

I've always kind of wanted to play a pacifist fighter, nothing but trip, disarm, maybe grappling. No damage though.

Blind archer.

Cleric dedicated to apathy.

[Seppo87]

Human Commoner / Paragon Human

flaws: delicious, chicken infested

relevant feats: quick draw, flick of wrist, Vow of poverty, Knowledge Devotion

relevant skill tricks: the two skill tricks that work just like Flick of Wrist, Collector of Stories

Tactics: Extract chicken. Chicken becomes magical. Opponent is flat-footed. Use Iaijutsu Focus. Deal high damage. Repeat when possible.

Roleplaying tip: This guy is a farmer. He believes every creature he encounters is a bigger version of a farm animal he used to raise. "No man, that's not a wyvern. That's a giant chicken, can't you see?" He then proceeds to use his farmer knowledge to "tame" the animal through the use of force. This is represented by Knowledge Devotion.

[Coventry]

An Animated, Awakened wagon - bonus points if the character is named Gladys Crabtree, and claims to be the reincarnated mother of one of the other PCs.

[esbear42]

A character who insists on being refered to as the omnimancer. He has a level in as many caster classes as posible. He has a ton of 0th and 1st level spells, but must use a significant amount of time each day just preparing the spellss for all his classes.

[Malroth]

The Chee`ez clan
A Family of Dragonwrought Kobolds all using a different broken combination of Dragon rules each more broken than the last, starting with the Fairly Tame combination of Slight build, Powerful Build and Size changing to Greater Draconic rite of transformation,to epic toughness and additonal Item space to Sovergen archetypes to Scaled One Of Toril.

[nedz]

Dragonwrought Kobold Monks

[Heliomance]

That's fair. A recent post reminded me on an old project to try to get as many forms of rage or abilities that modify rage as possible on one character given at most 20 levels.

That was my thread, actually.

It makes me happy someone remembered it.

I've always wondered what a DM's reaction to a character who takes one (and only one) level in every single class would do. Of course, you can't do all 11 core classes due to alignment restrictions, but still.

"You're playing a level 1 fighter? Okay, cool."
"Multiclassing to Barbarian at level 2? Makes sense, I guess."
"Ranger? Really? I guess the Favored Enemy is kind of useful."
"I mean, yes, you can use sneak attacks, but I think a fourth class at level four isn't wise."
"Cleric? We really don't NEED a backup healer so much as someone... useful."
"If you really want your character to learn the lute, just spend some ranks in Perform. You REALLY don't need to multiclass to Bard..."
"You realize Sorcerer spells have a pretty high fail chance in armor..."
"...same as Wizard spells."
"And now you're a Druid, too. I guess... you know, I'm not even going to try to rationalize this."

I think that's pretty much the most useless 9th-level character ever... I'd just be curious to see how long a DM would let this go on

Well as soon as you take a third level in one off the classes, you suddenly have a 100% xp penalty...

As for amazing/stupid character ideas, there's always Gazebo Jones, or my Goliath drunken master with Greater Multigrab that users his enemies as improvised weapons.

Note:whenever a Drunken Master rolls a natural one on am attack roll with an improvised weapon, it "falls apart and becomes useless".