Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then

[Anonymouswizard]

* The game should not be derailed by browsing shipoffools.com.
** Even if it is hilarious that all the men made the exact same face at the mention of that item.
*** Christ on a Bike! You do not mention that at the table.
**** If any of our characters have a Buddy Christ, Christ in a Bike, or Pope on a rope the GM will be giving us strange looks.
***** The internet is banned during play.

[Milodiah]

*Just because I am posing as an Internal Security Service inspector to infiltrate a military base, I don't have to spend four hours collecting eyewitness statements after a raid to maintain my cover.
**I especially do not have to turn in those reports to my superiors, considering I do not actually work for the ISS.
***Even if I know my cover identity is so good that the reports get properly filed and analyzed rather than throwing up red flags, I don't need to follow up on those reports with an investigation.
****If the late-arriving player thinks the party has defected to the Coalition States since the last session, I can afford to tone down my cover ID.

[Drakeburn]

*When I'm playing a speedster, I may not drag other PCs away from a fight
** Especially when some PCs are unwilling to leave from their spots
***If I do try to drag away an unwilling PC, I'm expected to make a Strength check to beat their Strength check.
****Only exception if they're really close to dying
*****I should not be surprised if the other PCs buy Reaction Damage after the encounter

[Gritmonger]

*I will not take burrowing and insubstantial in combination to be a two-dimensional character
** I will not then be a martial artist, so that I can enact lethal attacks and blocks
*** Having said powers, and the ability to go through walls, I will not then cackle madly between chainsaw noises while chasing an enemy character and 'sawing' (bobbing) through the ceiling after them, upside down.

[Rater202]

*An 11 year old pony threatening to rip out his enemy's entrails and strangle her with them is quite disturbing.

[DigoDragon]

****When my PC is trying to set up a situation in which we can easily gt the Big Bad to willingly take the stick of concentrated weakness, your PC is not allowed to get herself into a situation where she can be killed by said big bad.

***** No longer allowed to take actions based on the assumptions my GM 'is totally going to ignore my character anyway so I can get away with murder'.
****** Even if I'm mostly right.

[Peebles]

*I may no longer have my Troll Face start an NPC mosh-pit to circumvent a combat encounter.
**Even if the encounter is taking place at an underground Troll metal gig.
***I may not then put the boot in every time the thug gets bounced somewhere in my direction.
****Even if it works. Especially if it works.

[Lord Raziere]

* Yes you can have a Solar Twilight who made a mystical golden orb that can store beasts into Elsewhere while putting them into hibernation so you can send them out to battle for you.
** Ok, capturing a mouse that can shoot lightning is odd but acceptable
*** Wait......NO YOUR NOT A SOLAR POKEMON MASTER!

[Khaiel]

*During a dungeoncrawl, no character I play can claim to be a proficient assessing the actual value of the dungeon for the dungeon's overlord as my way to make a living.
**Not even if I had the skills to back my claiming.
***I cannot ask the dungeon's overlord for a bribe in return for not telling the local law enforcers of the bad conditions of the dungeon's guards and residents.
****Nor can I tell him to sue the guy who sold him the dungeon claiming that "The promised 5000m² are comprised of mostly narrow corridors that lead to dead ends." during the final fight.

*If my character's power is basicly being able to create anything I want if I make the roll and spend the necessary points, "I throw him a marmot" is not a valid attack strategy.
**"I throw him a vuvumarmot" isn't a valid attack strategy either, even if I explain how combining a vuvuzela and a marmot would make for a fearsome creature..
***Any strategy involving the use of marmots or hybrid creatures created using marmots as a base is banned.
****Saying "Check what I did!" to the GM and then showing him the yaoi drawing I did with the marmot and the platymarmot last night is bad and Jesus cries everytime I do it.
*****If the PC that took "Crazy" as a Disadvantege at character creation cannot find words for how wrong my character's actions were, I am forbidden from even thinking about doing that again.

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These weren't mine. A friend of mine did this while we were playing Anima: Beyond Fantasy. Being the GM of that game, I had to ask her to refrain from creating more marmot-aberrations, as funny as it was. She actually wrote those rules as a reminder. Unfortunately for me, she was quite good at drawing.

*I am not allowed to play wizards in Anima Beyond Fantasy. Sodomizing (figuratively) the bad guy one turn makes the GM cry.
**Mentalists are also vetoed. Even if the GM knows I didn't meant to do it, causing a 20 metres long dragon to go flying against a mountain and then cut across it is bad manners.
***I am not allowed to play any classes that would normally use the magic or psionic subsystems. I have too much experience with those two.
****After the "My sword-fu is stronger than yours" incident, I am only allowed to play Freelancers. And any time the group gets magic items, I am not allowed to have them.
*****Although I might have showed the group that the Freelancer is actually the most powerful class of the game if properly built, that doesn't mean that being able to stop the bad guys without help is a good thing to do. Although the other players were amused, showing that the GM doesn't know the system enought to actually GM it is considered bad manners. From now on, if I play Anima Beyond Fantasy, someone else has to make my character sheet.
******That doesn't mean that I'm allowed to make that someone else's character sheet.

Spoiler

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Since as far as I know, Anima isn't really a famous game, I'll give some context. Anima has a lot of balance between classes. At mid and high levels, all classes are more or less of the same power, although clever builds can change this balance, but there are enough options for all classes, considering that any class can actually use any option. I've been playing the game almost since it was released, so I have plenty of experience with it, and the other GM we have in my group... Well, he doesn't. But he wanted to GM an Anima campaign.

My character wasn't actually optimized or extremely powerful, we were simply of a higher level than what the GM was prepared to handle, lvl 8 (that would be the equivalent of lvl 14-15 in D&D, give or take a level or two depending on how you have built your character). At lvl 8 in Anima you can do a lot of stuff... If you know how. I played a Wizard, and was forced to make another character because my linked spells (metamagics that allow you to combine the effects of two spells, but paying the cost of both) that caused 4 high damage attacks that each forced the objective to roll against a grapple attempt destroyed one of the bad guys.

Then my next character was a telekinetic focused mentalist that could do a very few nasty tricks, one of them was basicly using the equivalent to a Jedi's force push. I got a very good roll when determining the strenght with which I had hit a dragon we were fighting... And hilarity ensued. Then I made a warrior that thanks to a few tricks could do a few attacks each turn to certain key locatons in the body to deal critical hits and then I got a magic sword that gave me some additional bonuses to critical hits... The "My sword-fu is stronger than yours" incident happended and I was forced to make a freelancer.

A Freelancer is a bit like the Expert in D&D, but a bit different. In a game where classes are basicly templates that tell you how many points you have to spend to get each power, ability, skill and so on, the Freelancer gets average cost for all of them and small bonuses to all, making him a Jack of all Trades with some combat ability and good skills, and the possibility of getting some psychic and magic ability. I merely took the spells and powers that gave bonuses to skills and rolls and cool special abilities like being invisible or seeing the invisible... And it turned out the GM wasn't ready for that, as he thought my character would be a joke rules-wise.

In the end he simply said he wasn't prepared for that game, but we had a lot of fun.

[Anonymouswizard]

*I am not allowed to play wizards in Anima Beyond Fantasy. Sodomizing (figuratively) the bad guy one turn makes the GM cry.

* If we are playing FATAL, I may not sodomise anything in one turn.
** If we are playing FATAL I may no longer sit at the table.
*** Even if I have literally no experience, I may not freak out the other players with anything.
**** Unless I am running Call of Cthulhu I must leave my imagination at home.
***** If we are not playing FATAL I must realise that before halfway through the session.
****** Okay, that image was just plain weird.

None of this has actually happened, but except for the FATAL part it's only a matter of time.

[Milodiah]

*Even though I'm not sure my cover's been blown, should probably avoid further contact with the mad scientist.
**Should not pop up in the ultra-classified sections of his underground lair, even though I have a completely reasonable (and true) explanation for how I got there.
***Even if it might help us escape, should not provide constructive criticism and suggestions to the mad scientist.
****Especially if it ends up providing the Coalition with a new line of badass power armor suits.
*****Even if we manage to con the scientist into giving us the first one off the assembly line.
******Must remember before planning this far that the scientist left us for dead in a mutant-infested section of his base, even though that's kind of what our fake orders said for him to do.
*******If I'm the one forging our fake orders, must find a better idea than "take these three dudes down to the scariest, most overrun part of your base, lock the door behind them, and let them shoot everything they find."

[Rater202]

*May not use Hellsing Style Vampirism and a time machine to become omnipotent by devouring the blood and/or souls of everything even remotely living on Rifts Earth.

Hypothetical discussion.

[Anonymouswizard]

*May not use Hellsing Style Vampirism and a time machine to become omnipotent by devouring the blood and/or souls of everything even remotely living on Rifts Earth.

Hypothetical discussion.

** If anyone does this the answer is not diablerie.

[GPuzzle]

*The Party is not composed of a Fighter with blue hair, a pair of Paladins with red and green hair each one, an overleveled Paladin, a Barbarian (or two), a Cleric and a Mage specializing in Wind Magic.
**Their names are not Marth, Abel, Cain, Jeigan, Bord, Cord, Lena and Gerrick respectively.
***It's also not Ike, Kieran, Oscar, Titania, Boyd, Mist and Soren.
****Chrom, Sully, Stahl, Frederick, Vaike, Lissa and Ricken is also forbidden.
*****Sigurd, Alec, Noish, Oifey, Adean and Azel is also blocked.
******WE'RE NOT PLAYING FIRE EMBLEM.
*******NO, YOU'RE NOT MAKING A FIRE EMBLEM HOMEBREW.

[BootStrapTommy]

Why not? Word of your exploits will come out eventually and you'll be more screwed then ever because they three of them will see you as their common enemy. If anything this will make a great campaign hook. Plus, a dM can spring this on you whenever he wants, depending on viciousness

Because a 3rd level party of 5 should never control more wealth than the entirety of the Sword Coast. When one 3rd level character is more wealthy than the entirety of Waterdeep, you have a balance issue.

Also the plane was Arcadia, barring such an alliance. Also it, and the devil, no longer exist. You know, since ultimately the demons were given the upper hand over both. Thanks to us.

[Rater202]

*Under no circumstances am I allowed to punish my fellow PCs with "The Cone of Shame". They're not Dogs, damn it.
**It's a bit weird that everybody is so lax about the 12 year old who's the weakest being the leader.
***Just because they're now Hemophages, does not mean my Dracopyre Pony Friends/Phylacteries are willing to eat PCs who misbehave.
****Because that is not very loving or tolerant.

*May not spend several days arguing that Lunar Exalted ought to have to hunt their heartsblood prey themselves.

[goto124]

*Under no circumstances am I allowed to punish my fellow PCs with "The Cone of Shame". They're not Dogs, damn it.

** Must not do this to the PC who is somehow a dog or half-dog.
*** Must not do this to the players either.
**** Or the players' dogs.
***** Not even if you wear the cone too, to share the shame.

[Reltzik]

* No longer allowed to have, either on paper or in practice, an alignment of Chaotic-Bored.

[DigoDragon]

*Under no circumstances am I allowed to punish my fellow PCs with "The Cone of Shame".

**There is no "Greater Cone of Shame".
*** I do not get a Reflex save for half Shame.
**** I cannot apply Evasion to avoid Shame.

[Rater202]

*My PC and his coltfriend are not allowed to give the older kids ideas.
**My PC's honorary big-little sister is going to have to get the ship/clubhouse washed if somepony sees them.
***My 11 year old crystal pony, the one who builds guns in his basement, is no longer allowed to "make out"* with his coltfriend in the crowsnest of the PCs' Authentic pirate ship/club house anymore.

*Really just innocent kissing and cuddling-they're both kids, albeit rather affectionate ones.

[Doorhandle]

****When my PC is trying to set up a situation in which we can easily gt the Big Bad to willingly take the stick of concentrated weakness, your PC is not allowed to get herself into a situation where she can be killed by said big bad.
*****Especially since my PC sees her as a Sister and has issues related to the loss of loved ones.
******Haven't we already gone over how this is the kind of thing that could turn him into a batman villain?

*There are better ways to get the stick of concentrated weakness to the big bad than shoving it up their nose.
** that does not mean grinding it up and putting it in their food.
*** Or "injecting" it via crossbow.

*Cannot achieve ultimate power by grinding up a staff of the magi and snorting it.

[BootStrapTommy]

*Really just innocent kissing and cuddling-they're both kids, albeit rather affectionate ones.

Horses mature by 3. Technically, an 11 year old horse is straddling the precipice of middle age.

[Lord Raziere]

Horses mature by 3. Technically, an 11 year old horse is straddling the precipice of middle age.

Every time you bring up biology in an MLP discussion, god kills a Breezie

* I may not be a necromancer just so I can summon the ghosts of cat girls to haunt anyone who has ever brought up physics in a fantasy discussion
** Nor may I be a Shadow Mage just so I can summon shades to haunt everyone who has ever talked in a movie theatre.
*** I especially may not be an Electromancer just so I can summon lightning elementals to go into the internet and seek out trolls to punish them for what they've done.
**** Letting them loose on 4chan first is right out.

[BootStrapTommy]

Every time you bring up biology in an MLP discussion, god kills a Breezie

Not my fault his pony is a creepy old man who never grew up.

[Lord Raziere]

Not my fault his pony is a creepy old man who never grew up.

You must be new here.

The Mane Six in MLP are all pretty much 18-22 with the oldest being 24, and they are all considered young adults, so you don't know enough to say anything on this. magic ponies of friendship and rainbows don't follow your earthly physics.

* I may not learn Rage magic just to weave an enchantment into a facebook post just so I can troll all of facebook.

[Invisifly2]

*I may no longer cast "Maximized, Empowered, Awaken" on the Bane Grass"
**Especially if I cast "Plant Growth" afterwords.
***Even if it's an evil campaign

[Anonymouswizard]

Just bought the Mistborn RPG.

* I may not abuse Feruchemy and several metalminds in order to have any of the following:
-Negative Vision (no sir, I did not see the thief make off with the statue)
-Negative Strength (to get out of work)
-Negative Weight (to float)
-Negative Speed (again, avoiding work)
-Negative Personal Identity (to feign insanity)
-Negative Emotional Connection (to easily betray others)
-Negative Energy (again, to get out of work)
** I may not point out that in most of what our group does, storing Weight is more useful than tapping it.
*** No matter how many advancements I get, I cannot snap into being a Mistborn as well.
**** When I do so, I may not immediately begin referring to myself as 'the lord crueler'.
***** When my character gets assassinated and I'm given a new character with 20 advancements, I may not create an Atium Misting with a rating of 8, 8 resources, and the trait 'is really good friends with an Atium merchant'.
****** When asked to justify my high resources the correct response is not 'playing the atium markert'.

[Rater202]

Horses mature by 3. Technically, an 11 year old horse is straddling the precipice of middle age.

Ponies in Equestria age at about the same rate as humans do.

Except the alicorns, who seem to be eternally youthful-Celestia hasn't aged a day in a thousand years.

Not my fault his pony is a creepy old man who never grew up.

He's a middle schooler. He's barely started horse-puberty yet.

*Is it weird that the eleven year old colts that are dating have (innocently) shared a bed more than once?
**His Coltfriend is not allowed to help him build guns in the basement.

[Anonymouswizard]

Ponies in Equestria age at about the same rate as humans do.

Except the alicorns, who seem to be eternally youthful-Celestia hasn't aged a day in a thousand years.


He's a middle schooler. He's barely started horse-puberty yet.

*Is it weird that the eleven year old colts that are dating have (innocently) shared a bed more than once?
**His Coltfriend is not allowed to help him build guns in the basement.

*** I may not make any 'handling his weapon' jokes.
**** What is the age of consent in Equestria anyway?
***** Equestria does not have separate ages of consent for touching, hoofshakes, hugs, kisses, and other stuff.

[Rater202]

**** What is the age of consent in Equestria anyway?

Well, since this game is based as much on the players' head canons, so it depends on province, and some provinces have other laws which make it a bit murkier.

*Not allowed to give Digo dirty thoughts when explaining the Thu'um to him.