Things I May No Longer Do While Playing VII: No, Not Even Then

[GuesssWho]

* Not allowed to play an Awakened brain as a PC.
** Nor can I play an Awakened library book.

. . . isn't a brain already awakened? I mean, it's kind of the seat of intelligence.

[Sith_Happens]

* Just because I could sneak the name "Dr. Pyros von Flammenwerf" past the storyteller doesn't mean I should.
** Even if I'm a mad scientist, I still need to occasionally invent something that's not just a new and creative way of setting things on fire.

[Anonymouswizard]

* I may not put points into the erotic art skill.
** I cannot make competitive erotic arts rolls with another player.
*** Even if our characters are in a relationship.

This is something a friend did, other details are being left out for politeness's sake. I wasn't actually at that game though.

[janusmaxwell]

*When finding a wizards tome that contains a small onyx Puma statue and a Magic Mouth spell to say the command word if the statue is picked up so that any thief will be mauled by a puma, using detect/read magic to figure out the command word first (Surprise MotherF--ker) is a good idea.
**Despite the advantages of having a personal attack puma, giving the statue to the PC Spirit Shaman who will be needing a familiar(ish) eventually is also a good idea, and good role-playing.
***Picking up the book, holding it open and pointed towards said PC while saying out loud "Here, you can get more use out of it, but before you take it, you have to say the command word. It's 'Surprise MotherF--ker'." is a very bad idea.
****Screaming the command phrase so that your now prone teammate has a small statue on his chest instead of being crushed under a magical puma is a good idea that almost makes up for the previous bad idea...almost.
*****Upon finding a copy of the (Totally Not The Necronomicon) which talks and can shoot a negative energy beam 1/day. the discovery of which makes the PC Swamp Witch squeal with glee, the Cleric is within his rights to splash holy water on the clearly evil tome to destroy it, but it still makes him a d--k.

[Rater202]

*"Michael Jackson Man" is not a good concept for a Super Hero.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Neither is Bicycle Repair Man.

[Rater202]

*"Repair Man Man Man Man Man Man Man" is right out.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My superhero name cannot be Wally.
** Even if my only power is invisibility.
*** Even if it only works in a crowd.
**** Even if I turn invisible in crowds when the moon is full, I am not a 'were-wally'.
***** I cannot wear a read and white striped jumper with a read and white bobble hat.

[Gritmonger]

* My superhero name cannot be Wally.
** Even if my only power is invisibility.
*** Even if it only works in a crowd.
**** Even if I turn invisible in crowds when the moon is full, I am not a 'were-wally'.
***** I cannot wear a read and white striped jumper with a read and white bobble hat.

* I also cannot claim "city" as a favored stealth environment
** Especially if I am called Carmen

[Hiro Protagonest]

* I also cannot claim "city" as a favored stealth environment
** Especially if I am called Carmen

***"Earth" is also unacceptable

[Emperordaniel]

***"Earth" is also unacceptable

**** "Time" is right out.

[Anonymouswizard]

**** "Time" is right out.

***** As is 'Universe'.

[Socratov]

***** As is 'Universe'.

******Existence, of course, is right out.

[Loxagn]

*If I am playing the most foul-mouthed character in the party, the one with the most experience dealing with raiders, the one with the loosest moral compass, and the one most ready to engage in illegal activities, I'd better not be playing the adorable pegasus colt.

*If my PL7 character can routinely drop four enemies in a single round with a mundane firearm, maybe I should tone it down a bit.
**Especially if I am combining such shenanigans as Power Attack, All-Out Attack, Improved Critical, and Multiattack with a positively stratospheric bonus to Stealth and a Subtle weapon.
*Using Inventor to jury-rig usable weapons out of junk is acceptable.
**Under no circumstances am I able to cobble together a gauss rifle from rebar, copper wire, and a fission battery.
*Yes, wielding a sword that is covered in lit napalm is going to undermine my invisibility power.

*No matter how effective, the DM does not, in fact, appreciate a Luck Control character on the team.
**This goes double if he has expendable minions he can summon at-will in whatever quantity he pleases.
***This goes triple if all of his minions also have Luck Control.

[Rater202]

*It's really disturbing when my 12 year old PC threatens to kill people with hard light colonoscopies.

*We may certainly honor the late Sir Pratchett by traveling to his disk and adding his dwarfs and his trolls and his wolves and his boogeymen and his orcs and his goblins and his sapient pear trees to our Omnitrices.
**But no, I can't use the jailbroken DNA scanner in my Ultimatrix to retroactively make myself the eighth son of an eighth son.

[Blackhawk748]

*****Upon finding a copy of the (Totally Not The Necronomicon) which talks and can shoot a negative energy beam 1/day, the discovery of which makes the PC Swamp Witch squeal with glee, the Cleric is within his rights to splash holy water on the clearly evil tome to destroy it, but it still makes him a d--k.

******This is doubly so if she only wanted to use it "once"

[darkscizor]

*The party wizard may not tank for the rogue and healer

*That same party rogue and healer may not attempt to pacify the evil dwarvish necromancer by giving him a sandwich made from rocks

*The party wizard, when petrified from the waist down, may not ask the recently-befriended necromancer to make him a centaur

*The party rogue may not seek to procure a fire-breathing hellhound head so that he can replace the hand that isn't wielding a giant booby-trap axe blade



This was all in an (crappy) RPG of my own design back a year or two ago, before I started D&D and created my (better) new RPG. I was the GM of the group... these are all things I should have realized before I allowed them to do it.

[NeoPhoenix0]

some of these are for my friends

*you may not force the sorcerer to reexamine his spell list to make sure he has no way to light fires, he might find one
**you may definitely not make the sorcerer find a way to magically light fires if he had to read some form of necronomicon to save the last town.
***you may not put all blame on the half-insane sorcerer because the evacuated town overrun with kuo-toa burned down

*I can not create a ranger who bickers with the assassin about everything even if he has every reason to hate him
**freeing the enslaved ranger does not give you any brownie points if he was already out of his jail cell by the time you show up
***You can not bribe the formerly enslaved ranger with the position of court alchemist to make up for the enslavement
(however, being in a position to potentially back stab you is nice, even if both parties are too either smart or wise to try and kill each other)

[Rater202]

*Under no circumstances may I spike the snarky jackass party member's food with LSD then use a minor compulsion charm to convince him that he is the king of the nudist butterflies.
**Especially since we're in a country where butterflies are seen as the minions of devils and public nudity is a felony.

[DigoDragon]

* When ferrying soldiers to shore, I will stop the ship first before unloading the troops.
** I may not get around the problem of stopping the ship by installing an inflatable water slide for unloading.
*** Horses are not to be thrown down the water slide either. Especially when still mounted by soldiers.
**** When laying siege to the city, I will bomb key targets before occupying them with my own troops.
***** Once the city is captured, I am to take the mayor as a prisoner of war, not release him into the wild like a bird.
****** Yes this primarily because mayors do not fly when thrown off the city's defensive wall.
******* The former mayor is not allowed to take residence outside the city as a hobo asking for loose change.

[Socksy]

I missed everyone here while I was gone.
Especially illyahr, whose signature makes me feel good.

*Not allowed to name my Cathar Jedi "Kawaii-Gon Jinn".

* Yes, I can play a droid in Saga.
** My quirks can involve a sound system that plays the last recorded sound whenever I take damage.
*** My previous owner could have used me to listen to music, yes.
**** Just because I can play a droid who plays "Mmm whatcha say" whenever he gets shot, doesn't mean I should.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If, according to RAW, my Street Samurai has replaced 110% of his body with metal, I should probably recheck if he's still alive/sane.
** If I have managed to do the above legally, I am obliged to come up with the in-world reasoning.
*** If he is the most intelligent, psychologically normal member of the party, something has gone wrong.

No, I have no worked out a way to do this, but I'll be running a cyberpunk game using GURPS in a couple of weeks, where one of the quirks given by the Street Samurai template is that at least 30% of your body is metal.

[GuesssWho]

*** If he is the most intelligent, psychologically normal member of the party, something has gone wrong.

* My character may not be the Joker with superpowers.
** My character may not worship Yog-Sothoth.
*** The giant pinkish poodle demons are not out to steal my hair.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My character may not be the Joker with superpowers.

** My character cannot embrace the Joker.
*** Especially if that would make him a Malkavian.

[Rater202]

*I may not use compulsion charms to make my arch nemesis and my rival act out Abbot and Costello routines.
**I must stop stealing ideas from fanfics.

[blacklight101]

*Not allowed to let my players find a xenos horror in an uncovered passageway.
**not allowed to let them do spot checks and forbidden lore checks after they see it but before combat starts just to increase tension
***definitely not allowed to call for initiative rolls
****when they are ready to run away/shoot/stab with abandon I am not allowed to reveal that the Genestealer are is masterfully taxedermied.
*****this may get dice thrown at me. (Worth it!)

[Wookieetank]

I missed everyone here while I was gone.
Especially illyahr, whose signature makes me feel good.

*Not allowed to name my Cathar Jedi "Kawaii-Gon Jinn".

* Yes, I can play a droid in Saga.
** My quirks can involve a sound system that plays the last recorded sound whenever I take damage.

*.a Not allowed to play a droid that can only communicate by using radio transmissions
**.a Look this is Star Wars not Transformers for crying out loud.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Yes, I can play a droid in Saga.
** My quirks can involve a sound system that plays the last recorded sound whenever I take damage.
*** My previous owner could have used me to listen to music, yes.
**** Just because I can play a droid who plays "Mmm whatcha say" whenever he gets shot, doesn't mean I should.

***** The same goes for 'hit me baby one more time'.

[Loxagn]

*My Sorcerer does not need a cigarette after Arcane Spellsurge wears off.
**Not allowed to cast Wish just because I don't want to deal with item creation times.

*Not allowed to key multiple command-word items to the same command word.
**Goes double if that command word is 'abracapocalypse'.
*No matter how cool it would be, wands are not a valid component for a golem.
**Even if it would 'shoot fire and sh*t everywhere'
***Not allowed to do anything I saw in a webcomic once.

[illyahr]

I missed everyone here while I was gone.
Especially illyahr, whose signature makes me feel good.

Aww, now I have warm fuzzies.