Need feedback on my webcomic!

[Vic & Vix]

Hi!

My name is Vix. Me and my half brother Vic are making a satirical comic about real life norwegian football prodigy Martin Odegaard (16) who is currently playing for Real Madrid Castilla.

So far we've made 2 episodes, plus a short intro-episode. Would anyone like to read through them and give us some feedback?

I think (hope) you'll find it pretty amusing, even if you hate football.

Here's the two page intro episode that explains you the premises:




There are two more episodes on the website. Please visit and have a look! We would really like some honest opinions so that we can better ourselves.

http://www.realmartin.org

[PhantomFox]

Getting no feedback like you have is worse than getting bad feedback, so let me break that silence even if I don't have the best of news.

To be honest, I had a pretty hard time mustering up the desire to even read this comic. The premise... is just weird and off-putting. It feels like you threw a bunch of your interests into a blender without checking to see if they mixed properly. And what came out is just a plain mess. The soccer part doesn't mesh well with the superhero part at all, and the whole supernatural aspect comes across as rather soap-box and inconsistent at best. The soccer part is somewhat soap-boxy as well, what with shilling Martin SUPER hard. The superhero part is almost ignored entirely, existing only to amp up Martin even further. I don't like throwing around terms like Mary Sue (or Marty Stu in this case) but it kinda fits. Although instead of making your own character, you take a celebrity, and soup him up to the Nth degree: super powers, secret agent of god, such a soccer player that even god thinks he's the best, and sounds like an author mouthpiece. Aside from that, the storytelling is very sloppy, and even with only 3 issues under your belt, the plot is zooming all over the place like an indecisive golden retriever on a sugar rush. I'm not quite sure WHAT it's about. Is it about missions from god? Is it about his place on the soccer team? What's god's goal? It's really confusing and not at all polished. The art is messy and not polished at all, with a lot of visual effects that were used being glaringly obvious. Also, please mark it as NSFW, as the gratuitous nudity in the hot tub was highly unnecessary.

Overall, reading through it was a real chore, and I can't really offer up any suggestions aside from starting from scratch and focusing on what the story IS and where it's going, and then pruning everything else off.
Best of luck.