Serious Plots 5: No lulz.

[Murkus]

[The Gilded Green]

"You are very welcome," Gias states with the slightest of nods and a big smile. "You may stay here, Sakura, if you wish to be surprised. This will take scarcely a moment." She turns to lead the way.

In either case, Gias leads at least Cessie up to the top of the mighty tree. The staircase tapers out into a very private, very round bedroom affair, the fat, six pointed star-leaves of the tree forming the walls and ceiling. Around a huge bed Cessie is taken, to be stood before a cabinet colored on its front with swirling silver patterns.

"Here we are..." Gias says, parting the cabinet's doors and throwing them wide. Out spills... a great host of white fairies! Oh my! The air is filled with the sound of fluttering wings.

Tiny starlit beings rush and swirl around Cessie. Their innate knack for reading memories might let them get a better read on her as they create, in but a few seconds, the dress of Ms. Mithar's dreams. Transformed from a swimsuit to something blue... something regal... something fit for a queen of mortals! And if Cessie hasn't the imagination, well, it might just look something like this.

[Shadowcaller]

[The Gilded Green]

"I don't-" Cessie starts once Gias entered the bedroom. She felt like she was invading someone's privacy!
Then suddenly fairies!
In normal cases the sorceress would put up some sort of protective shield around herself reflexively. But she simply had to trust these fey to not do something horrible to her.
The dress her bathsuit is transformed into share similarities with a kimono with as it nearly drags to the ground. It's blue with wide, long sleeves, a waist marked by a black silk belt and a high neck marked with black. The similarities end there however as it's less loose, even a bit tight across the chest. Over the entire dress there are silvery patterns of coiling chinese dragons that run along the length of the dress and the long sleeves, some even breathing colorful red fire.

The sorceress raises an eyebrow at the transformed clothes. "What did they do? I know this dress." She runs a hand along it's length as if to confirm that the elegant fabric is indeed as real as it feels.

[Terumitsu]

[A Princess and a Dragon]

Despite how right Spako was in that guess, Ghoul wasn’t terribly keen on testing how effective the gas was on those of questionable mortality. For all she knew, it was akin to some kind of magical nerve agent that simply didn’t care what degree of biological activity its target had. Perhaps it was foolish to assume that far but finding out the alternative way would probably be far less beneficial to her continued existence. Though, at least the dragon had been kind enough to litter the area with points and blades for the occasion... Still, there was something to be said about having proper firepower. Though she lacked any particularly fancy ammunition this time, the weapon itself looked as if someone had the insane idea of trying to imbue a handgun with anti-material properties. How effective it would be against a dragon’s scales was about to be found out but it did just fine against 20 millimeters of steel plate at a similar range. Even if the beast’s hide could shrug it off, there was probably something to be said about the sheer force of impact.

Perhaps the other bonus of carrying ‘modern’ weaponry, though, was that she could just snap the weapon up in both hands and fire off a round more easily than dodging around in melee... Though to avoid from endangering Krait, the shot was aimed at the wyrm’s shoulder rather than its head. The shot itself would be surprisingly quiet, almost like an electrical arc, but the recoil was visibly immense and Ghoul was forced back a step just to absorb the full shock.

[Gullara]

[The Gilded Green]

Sakura isn't one to be left alone. Especially when it would mean missing out on Cessie trying on dresses! "Ooh, Cessie, that's so pretty." Her tone holds a certain wonder after watching how it appeared. She comes up alongside Cessie and runs a hand along one sleeve. "What kind of dress is this? It looks great on you." Sakura gushes with enthusiasm.

[Murkus]

[The Gilded Green]

One especially large fairy looks at the dress and crosses it's arms, satisfied. With a nod, it zips back into the wardrobe, followed quickly by its winged horde. In a flash, they're gone.

"They stole a bit of your dreams, if that helps you," Gias explains, as though it were such a simple thing. She smiles at the two ladies. "Vee-vee only likes to use the little folk for special occasions, and I... decided this was one." Gias gives another little bow, arm straight beneath her chest.

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

Someone might have heard some interesting news.

A certain pony with gobs of money, an eccentric attitude, and a golden-dyed-streaked mane went into a certain nightclub.

Her bodyguard, in the Limo, left to go somewhere. She's there alone. You know, with a load of other nightclubbers, the rich and famous, but no one on her payroll. Likely.

This tip might have been from the paparazzi. But a tip is a tip, and someone might be happy to hear this.

[Fenric]

[Kidnapping]

Oh, yes... a wealthy Pony is of a great deal of interest.

A great deal indeed.

An exquisitely dressed woman of seemingly earth-Japanese descent arrives with an entourage who disperses quickly. Her low-cut but otherwise understated gown is of most perfect shadowsilk, studded with purest first-water diamonds. She wears a necklace of black pearls, and is wearing Prada stiletto heels.

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

The pony is pretty obvious, discussing with a few humans, an asari, and what looks like some kind of alien with an upside-down face. She doesn't note the newcomer, and seems to be in an animated discussion about something.

[Fenric]

[Kidnapping]

The woman gradually makes her way through the crowd toward Caravan: not pushing or forcing, but surprisingly unobtrusively: to raise a fuss now would be counter-productive, after all.

Naturally, she has to whisper in an ear or two... and word spreads after a short while - the circle of people crushing around Caravan ought to thin out rather noticeably by the time the woman approaches.

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

As they close in, Caravan notices the change. She then notices the woman. She spins on her stool at the bar, blue and gold mane twirling around her, and she stops facing the woman, turning the area's attention to her.

"Hello! And you are?"

[Fenric]

[Kidnapping]

Izanami smiles

Hello, Guilded Caravan: my name is Izanami no Mikoto, but just Izanami will do.

Even more people leave the area... maybe not everyone, but still...

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

As more and more people leave, Caravan looks around. Well... that's bad.

"Can I help you? If you're going to threaten me, please let me know. I'm not fond of doubletalk."

[Fenric]

[Kidnapping]

Izanami shakes her head

Oh, I wouldn't dream of threatening you, Ms Guilded Caravan. Threats imply that somehow I won't try this:

And then much faster than her physical appearance would seem to allow, she crosses the remaining distance and attempts to touch Gilded Carvan and teleport them both back to her domain on the borders of Gloom.

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

Caravan isn't really caught off-guard. Sure, this woman is fast, but Caravan was expecting to have to take cover from a drawn gun. As the woman moves, Caravan gracefully vaults the bar, taking cover on the other side.

"Barkeep, get me a tall cup of your meanest coffee with some unhealthy beast of an energy drink poured in; it's going to be a long night. Also, have this woman bounced."

The Bartender presses a button under the bar, and five large men in white suits and sunglasses rush toward Izanami.

[Fenric]

[Kidnapping]

Izanami comes to a stop and stands smirkingly.

Impressive.

The moment any of the men touch the ancient mother of creation and death, they should instantly die and immediately reanimate as wraiths under her control.

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

Two men die and reanimate before the others wise up and run off. At this point, other patrons are running off, too.

Caravan, for her part, chugs her dangerously caffeinated drink, and then sighs. "This happens to me way too much." She tries to hurl the mug into Izanami's face, the mug quite large, sturdy, and the pony throwing it startlingly strong. From there, whether it hits or not, Caravan gallops for the nearest employee-only door behind the bar.

[Fenric]

[Kidnapping]

Izanami doesn't really feel like a mug to the face today, and so she Blinks to be between Caravan and the door well before the mug can intersect the space that her face used to be in.

Boo!

We'll see if Caravan can counter her own momentum in time to avoid a quick trip to the Gloom!

Meanwhile, the wraiths move with all due speed to close up behind Caravan

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

As Izanami appears in front of her, Caravan tries to come to a screeching halt. Due to the smooth floors, though, Caravan won't quite be able to stop in time. She's either aware of this or wants to beat Izanami, because as she slides a little she whisks a bottle of something highly alcoholic off of the shelf under the bar and tries to break it over Izanami's head.

[Fenric]

[Kidnapping]

Even a goddess has a little trouble maintaining proper concentration when her avatar gets a heavy glass bottle broken over her head: the teleport fizzles and everyone ends up in a heap on the floor.

oooof!

The wraiths come up swiftly behind, reaching out hungry hands to drain Caravan to a more easily subdued level.

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

Izanami may her the flick of the lighter a moment before Carvan leaps up and drops it in an attempt to light the alcohol and woman on fire before the pony runs off again. Unless the kidnappers act fast, Gilded Caravan will shoulder check the door and rush into the employee-only area.

[Fenric]

[Kidnapping]

Caravan getting back up to her feet ought to take rather longer than the situation allows, with her being well within range of Izanami's arms and all. The first spell was disrupted, but Izanami is not dazed as one might have hoped. Blue and yellow flames lick up, but Izanami reaches out to touch Caravan and teleport the pair away.

[Lost_Deep]

Kidnapping

Caravan gets teleported away, and immediately gets some space from the fire before looking around and analyzing her new situation.

[Fenric]

[A Dark Room]

This ten foot square room is featureless: no doors, no windows, and no seams to be seen in the smooth, shiny black material it is fabricated from.

I suppose they'll turn my wraiths into ponies, now. How droll.

As the fire burns itself out, Izanami allows the illusion to fade: becoming a dreadful, rotting corpse of a figure.

Which is the annoyance I have: you see, that obnoxious Sweet Spring has done just what I told her not to do and her wretched ponies have gone and slain Artraxanali, my favorite dracolich.

I spent some time thinking how most fittingly to deal with this issue, but my first few choices came up fruitless. Then I came to hear of you, Gilded Caravan, and a new thought came to mind.

[Lost_Deep]

A Dark Room

"Your lack of research is showing," Caravan says with a sigh, "Not only do I have no idea who or what you're talking about, but my people have likely already noticed that I'm missing. Once they don't locate me on the previous plane (I'm willing to bet we're either on a different one or this box is scrying locked) they'll trace that to here, and then the bureaucracy will begin. If you want o use me against someone, it's much easier to deal with me properly than go through the kidnapping resolution team. It will be fifteen minutes, top, before you're contacted. Really, if you wanted to talk with me, you would do better to kidnap me mundanely. For that, there's a 24-hour hour grace period to see if I can escape myself. Are you making this up as you go along? I think you are."

[Fenric]

[A Dark Room]

Izanami nods

Oh, good: I was afraid I'd have to wait for someone to come looking for you. Will they be suitably armed and violent, and more importantly, ponies?

I had lurked around Carousel Court for a while, but everyone there is so sweet and friendly it was downright painful. I wondered who might have more useful agents.

She grins her rictus mask at Caravan

I'd have asked nicely, but I don't think you want your employees turned undead. But don't feel bad for them: I intend to bestow on them the most powerful abilities I have ever granted, and then they will take my revenge.

[Lost_Deep]

A Dark Room

Caravan blinks, and then facehoofs. "You're so under-informed it isn't even funny."

Someone attempts to enter the realm. If nothing stops it, there will be a pillar of fire, and there will stand a woman in a smart red business outfit, with red hair, red eyes, and four long, spiraling horns that arch back over her head and a bit down her back.

"Hello, I'm a representative from Gilded Caravan, Tnr., and I'm here to negotiate the safe return of Gilded Caravan, CEO."

[Fenric]

[A Dark Room]

Izanami turns with a bright grin which melts away into an angry snarl

Ugh! I can do demonic monsters myself, that's not the point!

I wanted a pony strike team that I could turn into harbingers of undeath and loose to wreak vengeance on "Team Nightmaere". But nooooo: You didn't even send a reasonable assault team at all. You're another one of those soulless bureaucratic shells, bereft of adventure or character. I kidnap you, and your supporters send a trained negotiator... probably a lawyer, as well, expecting me to demand something so paltry as money.

Nothing in that blasted Nexus goes the way it should. I ought to just...

She looks around the featureless room for inspiration

just....

[Lost_Deep]

A Dark Room

The lawyer smiles. "Oh, no. We don't expect you to want money. Our negotiations are instead concerning your reputation and standing in the multiverse. If you do not relinquish the CEO within a reasonable timeframe, diefic entities that are in good standing with Gilded Caravan, Tnr. will be notified. Such entities include (but are not limited to) Incosequentia, goddess of sidequests, Krong, The Lutefisk God, the Diggle gods, Loki, Athena, Anubis," some name in black speech, "And many more, depending on your association with other gods and pantheons, and the worlds in which you have interest."

[Fenric]

[A Dark Room]

Izanami sighs in relief

Oh, good: I'm not the only person present who doesn't know everything! My reputation is that I am an unstable madwoman who is not to be trusted!

She looks at Caravan

Fine. Take your precious CEO, and know that neither I nor anyone I have influence over will ever have anything to do with her again. Death is witheld from you, Guilded Caravan - no matter what ravages of time or misfortune wither you away, may you remain bound to yourself forever. I would recommend avoiding volcanos... Or really deep holes.

She snorts.

The way things have been going, you're probably immortal already, anyway.

And then she vanishes and all magical blocks or shields go with her. The tiny pocket dimension begins to evaporate as well.

[Lost_Deep]

A Dark Room

The demon smiles. "Success!"

Gilded Caravan sighs aggrivatedly. "My day off is ruined."