List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

[AgentPaper]

If you have a 14. Otherwise a d10 is 1-10 and (d4 - 1) is 0-3. So it's (1+0) to (3+10) = 1 to 13. That's how I would do a d13 anyway, and I agree it's really not worth the trouble.

Or just grab one of these abominations.

[Mrmox42]

Or just grab one of these abominations.

This is awesome. I want it!

[tarlison]

Let me guess; this was inspired by the thread about hiding in combat?

Lucky Stone:
Wondrous item, uncommon (requires attunement)
While this polished agate is on its person, it gains a + 1 bonus to ability checks and saving throws.

Not really soon as someone look your direction your visible again ;)

[JAL_1138]

This is awesome. I want it!

Ditto, I want one. Weird dice are awesome!

[AgentPaper]

Ditto, I want one. Weird dice are awesome!

Then you'll definitely want to pick up the...


One Sided Die: This mysterious yet practical die is an incredible example of perfect randomness.

[JAL_1138]

Then you'll definitely want to pick up the...


One Sided Die: This mysterious yet practical die is an incredible example of perfect randomness.

Do Want. I also want one of these, but they're out of production: http://www.dicecollector.com/D24_ALE...D_TOTAL_01.jpg

[EvanescentHero]

D14 reroll 14s. Not that bad. I'd finally have a use for the things besides the little days-of-the-week on them above the numbers.

Ah, the good ol' d14. I have a set of weird-ass dice with one of those. It also came with a d5, a d7, a d16, a d24, a d30, a d100 (actually kinda useful, though I prefer the percentiles), and a d3, which is actually useful.

[JAL_1138]

Ah, the good ol' d14. I have a set of weird-ass dice with one of those. It also came with a d5, a d7, a d16, a d24, a d30, a d100 (actually kinda useful, though I prefer the percentiles), and a d3, which is actually useful.

Had it a while, I'm guessing? GS haven't made d30s for a few years and (used to, while they were in full production) sell the d7s and the golfball/cat-toy d100s separately from the d3, d5, d14, d16, and d24 sets. I know Koplow was selling sets that had their gigantic d30s in them, but no d100 afaik. I have an old Armory sharp-edged d30, but I'd like to get a GS one that won't wear down easily if I can ever find one. The Armory one has minor marks on it just from being in one of my dice bags; it's not quite as bad as the old TSR mud dice but it's pretty low-impact plastic.

[EvanescentHero]

Had it a while, I'm guessing? GS haven't made d30s for a few years and (used to, while they were in full production) sell the d7s and the golfball/cat-toy d100s separately from the d3, d5, d14, d16, and d24 sets. I know Koplow was selling sets that had their gigantic d30s in them, but no d100 afaik. I have an old Armory sharp-edged d30, but I'd like to get a GS one that won't wear down easily if I can ever find one. The Armory one has minor marks on it just from being in one of my dice bags; it's not quite as bad as the old TSR mud dice but it's pretty low-impact plastic.

Yeah, I've had it for a few years. My friend and I both got a set. I also have a d30 from my ex-stepdad, and another one I ordered from a local game store because I thought it was cool. Most of those dice don't see much use, but they're fun novelty ones and can be used for the occasional gold roll or something. Unfortunately, the d5 and the d7 are horribly unbalanced because of how they're laid out; if they were more like the d3, they'd probably be better.

[JAL_1138]

Yeah, I've had it for a few years. My friend and I both got a set. I also have a d30 from my ex-stepdad, and another one I ordered from a local game store because I thought it was cool. Most of those dice don't see much use, but they're fun novelty ones and can be used for the occasional gold roll or something. Unfortunately, the d5 and the d7 are horribly unbalanced because of how they're laid out; if they were more like the d3, they'd probably be better.

The 5 comes out ok if you flip it in the air somewhat or let it get some good momentum. It doesn't look like it should, but it seems to--if you roll it the right way. I also have a "1-5 twice" d10, which is a much better design except that it can be hard to tell from the other d10s, since numbering aside it's identical.

The 7 isn't a precision die but the 7 and 6 are weight-relieved to account for the odd shape, though I haven't tested as much since it gets used as a mini more than it gets used.

I like your idea of elongating them into barrels like the d3 or the Crystal Caste dice. But only if they're un-polished; I've never had a set of Crystal Castes that rolled right. There seem to be certain numbers they always gravitate towards and certain numbers they can never hit. Unfortunately on the d20 I've got, it seems to be 2 that it always hits, and 20 that it can't land on--as in, it will roll off 20 and onto 2 regardless of which direction it's rolling, or if you deliberately set it on 20 and barely tap the table or breathe on it or flip through a rulebook near it, it will roll off of 20 and onto 2.

[EvanescentHero]

-snipped for brevity-

It's not that big a deal, since they're not rolled very often anyway, but they could be used more if they were more balanced, so I guess it's kind of a vicious cycle. The 14, 16, and 24 are pretty good though, and the 3 is excellent, though more or less useless in 5e. You should probably get a different d20 though!
The double d5 is interesting. I have a few double d10s in the shape of d20s lying around somewhere. Plus old-school d4s that have the number on the bottom, not the top.

We should probably let people create more useless magic items though.

[JAL_1138]

It's not that big a deal, since they're not rolled very often anyway, but they could be used more if they were more balanced, so I guess it's kind of a vicious cycle. The 14, 16, and 24 are pretty good though, and the 3 is excellent, though more or less useless in 5e. You should probably get a different d20 though!
The double d5 is interesting. I have a few double d10s in the shape of d20s lying around somewhere. Plus old-school d4s that have the number on the bottom, not the top.

We should probably let people create more useless magic items though.

The 0-9 twice d20 was how they all used to be made; you color one set of 0-9 differently than the other, declare which is high and which is low. To use as a d10, ignore the color; to use as a d20, add 10 to the high color. When 10-sided d10s were introduced they started numbering d20s 1-20.

But you're right, back to items.

Relevant one--
?-sided die: This die never seems to have the same number of sides, and often when taking a common die shape will have unusual numbering, such as a d6 numbered 1-2 three times; or a d30 numbered 1-15 twice, or 0-9 three times. Sometimes it will even change when rolled; e.g., it may appear to be a d6 when picked up, and land as a d7, etc. Number of sides ranges from 3 to 100.

[Knaight]

D10 + d4 - 1. Definitely more trouble than it's worth.

That doesn't work. It gets the right range, but the statistical distribution is skewed heavily (there is only a 1/40 chance of rolling a 1, instead of a 1/13 chance, the middle range is above 1/13).

[Mrmox42]

Magic Bird Call: This magical Bird Call will, when blown in, allways compell one bird (rolled randomly on the table below) to move as fast as is can toward the Call, IF such a bird is within 350 yards of the Caller. This Bird Call can be used once each long rest.

Roll 1D8:

1: Duck
2: Emu
3: Dodo
4: Ostrich
5: Hummingbird
6: Platypus (not technically a bird (not AT ALL a bird in fact), but look at that bill)
7: Woodpecker
8: Turkey

[goto124]

Should include a penguin. Age (adult or baby) and species (african, rockhopper, gentoo, king, emperor, etc) up to the DM.

Why? Penguins are cute.

I wonder how many campaigns are in settings that allow for penguins... Just realised the item doesn't summon a bird, it calls for one in range :(

[JAL_1138]

Should include a penguin. Age (adult or baby) and species (african, rockhopper, gentoo, king, emperor, etc) up to the DM.

Why? Penguins are cute.

I wonder how many campaigns are in settings that allow for penguins... Just realised the item doesn't summon a bird, it calls for one in range :(

If it did work on penguins, I wonder if it would work on dohwar.

[Mrmox42]

Just realised the item doesn't summon a bird, it calls for one in range :(

That's why it's mostly useless

[JAL_1138]

That's why it's mostly useless

With a 1-in-8 chance, it works a heck of a lot better than my RL turkey-calls.

[goto124]

...I didn't know turkey calls were a thing IRL.

*attempts to obtain Ranks in Turkey Calling*

[Easy_Lee]

That doesn't work. It gets the right range, but the statistical distribution is skewed heavily (there is only a 1/40 chance of rolling a 1, instead of a 1/13 chance, the middle range is above 1/13).

Yeah I know. The range and average are both correct, but it's skewed towards the middle. It's not perfect, and would result in a more consistent weapon swing.

[JAL_1138]

...I didn't know turkey calls were a thing IRL.

*attempts to obtain Ranks in Turkey Calling*

Used for hunting. There are several varieties (friction plate, box, blown, etc), available at most sporting-goods retailers, including Walmart. The box type is the easiest to use, IMO, although they all have different strengths and applications. Instructional videos aplenty on Youtube.

I eventually gave up turkey hunting, because while my favored hunting-grounds are chock full of them for most of the year, they either vanish without a trace during the season, or respond but don't come in close enough for a shot to calls they did come in to when it wasn't turkey season and I was just calling for the heck of it, and it just got too disheartening to consistently get outsmarted by a &@$%ing turkey.

[Mrmox42]

it just got too disheartening to consistently get outsmarted by a &@$%ing turkey.

It's all right, man. It could've happened to any of us.

>Snicker<

[JAL_1138]

Philter of filter: When added to a waterskin or other container, this philter prevents particulates from passing the opening of the container with the liquid therein, leaving said particulates in the container. Once the liquid has been emptied, the particulates can then be removed. Note: does not alter the properties of the liquid in the container except to dilute slightly, so it is useless to remove poison (or water elementals). Affects a maximum of 1 gallon of liquid.

Philter of filter: When consumed, causes your vision to become tinted a particular color for 1d24 hours.
Roll 1d8:
1) Red
2) Orange
3) Yellow
4) Green
5) Blue
6) Indigo
7) Violet
8) Octarine: functions as Detect Magic for the duration.

[Mrmox42]

Nose of Wekna: A shrivelled and mummified nose, cut a long time ago from the mighty wizard Wekna. If someone has had their nose cut off, and the Nose of Wekna is pressed unto his face, the Nose will graft itself unto the poor person, and cannot be removed unless a Wish spell is used.
The Nose of Wekna gives that person the following powers:

1. Extreme sense of smell. This causes the poor Fellow to smell literally EVERYTHING, from sweaty socks to latrines two miles distant. Usually this is quite unbearable. Yet, it allows the person to track with his sense of smell, if he can succeed with a Wisdom 18 save to keep focus away from all the other smells.
2. +2 on Intimidation checks, as he looks real bad with his mummyfied nose.
3. The ability to sneeze a ball of acid up to 10 feet away, hitting like a Thrown Weapon and doing 4d4 points of Acid Damage. This ability can be used once every short rest.
4. The wretched hair that grows out of the Nose of Wekna can be gathered and made into a strong and sturdy rope. One rope can be made each month from the Nosehairs of Wekna.

[GorinichSerpant]

Wekna, Vecna's wierd little brother, Vecna went threw a lot of trouble to make unperson him simply because even for the all powerful lich who gives no damns about what you think, being associated with Wekna is embarrassing.

[Mrmox42]

Vecna: ”Wekna who? Never heard of him.”

Lore Bard: “But sir, he is your little brother.”

Vecna: “Never heard of him, I say!”

Lore Bard: “It says so here on this familiy tree of yours.”

Vecna: “I. Never. Heard. Of. Him.”

Lore Bard: “Here’s a painting of the two of you, standing hand in hand at the football field.”

Vecna: “Grrrarrrh!!!” >Zot! Boooom! Sizzle!<

Lore Bard: “Aaaaaaargh!” >Thud.<

[Wardog]

Just saw Wizards trickets list for Elemental evil. Useless magic a plenty.

Trinkets

My favorite is 5, 45, and 51.

Lots of those would be pterry cool, in a "look at this neat thing I found" way (or for a con-artist to sell to someone for far more than it's actually worth).

Several could actually be very useful:

A glass cup that can only be filled half way no matter how much liquid is pored into it.

• Measuring exact portions of something.
• Catching water from a leaking roof, pipe, ships, etc.

A mirror that only shows the back of your head.

• Would be useful when grooming.
• Or for checking whether some horrible parasite has attached itself to the back of your head.

A small handmirror which only reflects inanimate objects.

• Useful for checking whether an "inanimate object" really is so, and not a mimic

A glass orb that replicates yesterday's weather inside itself.

• Could be useful in criminal investigations, if knowing what the weather was like at the time of the offence.

A drinking cup, that randomly fills with fresh or salt water. Refilling once emptied.

• Less useful than one that refills predictably, but could still be useful if you need an unlimited supply of fresh and/or salt water.

A tea kettle that heats itself when filled with water.

• For boiling water. And breaking the laws of thermodynamics/conservation of energy.

An eye-sized blue pearl that floats in salt water

• For determining what sort of water the drinking cup has produced this time.

A clear marble that slowly rolls toward the nearest source of running water.

• Useful any time you need to find a source of water (whether for drinking, or for finding the source of a leak).

A yellow gemstone that glows dimly when a storm is nearby.

• Useful for mariners, or anyone who needs warning of an approaching storm.

[GorinichSerpant]

A clear marble that slowly rolls toward the nearest source of running water.

• Useful any time you need to find a source of water (whether for drinking, or for finding the source of a leak).

This seems like a very useful thing for explorers and colonists and people stuck in the middle of a desert and so forth.

[goto124]

Put the marble in a clear container, and use it like a compass.

Or some other method to avoid losing it in the vast desert...

[JAL_1138]

68--a large brass coin with no markings IT'S A LOCK LURKER KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT AAAAHHHH