List of Mostly Useless Magic Items

[JAL_1138]

Shield of Holyness: This mighty looking defensive implement is a +2 Shield. Unfortunately, it has quite a few holes in it. These holes has been hidden with Illusions, so that the shield appears whole and, indeed, unholed. When somebody attacks the person using the Shield, roll a D6. On a roll of 1-3 the Shield works normally, providing it’s AC bonus. On a roll of 4-6, however, an Invisible hole has been hit, and the user of the Shield gets none of it’s defensive bonuses, and instead suffers a total of -2 on AC.

...hold it in front of you so it conceals the fact that you have a hand crossbow in your other hand, shoot through one of the invisible holes. Sneak Attack (at least on the first attempt) and/or Surprise?

[Mrmox42]

...hold it in front of you so it conceals the fact that you have a hand crossbow in your other hand, shoot through one of the invisible holes. Sneak Attack (at least on the first attempt) and/or Surprise?

Not bad, if you can find the holes yourself

[Spojaz]

Runechalk: A small silver tube containing a perfectly cylindrical piece of white sparking chalk.
When any word or rune is drawn on a surface in this chalk the marks glow, shining through paint or other later marks, casting dim light for 5 feet. The marks are obviously magical in nature. Every hour the tube refills itself, and can be used to write 3 runes or words during that time. The marks can only be erased by breaking (causing 1 hp of damage to) a section of the effected surface, which instantly erases all effect.

[JAL_1138]

Picture Frame of Sublime View: This elegant but simple 16"x36" hardwood picture frame has no canvas within it. Instead, it frames an illusion of a magnificent landscape (or townscape, or cityscape). Each viewer perceives a different image, based on both the subject matter and art style the viewer would find to be the most aesthetically pleasing possible.

DC15 Arcana or History: At least one of the locations that have been presented by the illusion has been confirmed to exist; the viewer (an intrepid planeswalker) who succesfully discovered the location she was shown by the Frame reported that she arrived at such a time and under such conditions that she observed not only the exact location depicted, but the exact moment in time depicted, down to the fall of a single leaf.

[Easy_Lee]

Picture Frame of Sublime View

That one's quite nice. I imagine that a noble or king would pay handsomely for it.

[goto124]

Not bad, if you can find the holes yourself

Touch the shield to feel the holes?

[TurboGhast]

Ending Chalk: This chalk can only write 40 cha

[Mrmox42]

Touch the shield to feel the holes?

Yeah, that should do it

[Mrmox42]

Sword of Refusal: This magical +3 Intelligent Longsword is an awoved pacifist and refuse to attack anything, making it impossible to use… unless you manage to convince it. This demands a Persuade Skill Check with a difficulty of 20 and takes 3 rounds to do. If sucessful, the Sword can be used in one fight, after which it sulks and adamantly refuse to fight again for the next 24 hours.

[Shining Wrath]

Shield of Holyness: This mighty looking defensive implement is a +2 Shield. Unfortunately, it has quite a few holes in it. These holes has been hidden with Illusions, so that the shield appears whole and, indeed, unholed. When somebody attacks the person using the Shield, roll a D6. On a roll of 1-3 the Shield works normally, providing it’s AC bonus. On a roll of 4-6, however, an Invisible hole has been hit, and the user of the Shield gets none of it’s defensive bonuses, and instead suffers a total of -2 on AC.

However, when the hole is hit, the shield does sing one bar of the Hallelujah Chorus.

[Mrmox42]

Wood of Burning: This firewood is taken from the Uror Facile (or Burnmenot) tree, that grows in the rainforests of Parg. The Wood catches fire extremely easy and burns at an astonishing speed. It only takes a single spark to set a log of Burnmenot Wood on fire, and it burns out in three turns.
The Wood is surprisingly dense and heavy, and weighs double as much as normal firewood.
When burning, the Burnemenot Wood gives off a strong scent of vinegar.

[Kd7sov]

Ki Ring: If the wearer of this ring does not have a class feature that grants the ability to use ki, this ring grants them that ability, although it does not grant any ki points. If the wearer of this ring has a class feature that grants the ability to use ki, this ring grants one additional ki point (recharging with a long rest only).

[JAL_1138]

This one may not be "mostly useless" enough, but it doesn't actually do very much for PCs:

Firelighter, Flint-and-Pyrite: This two-piece item consists of a perfectly-circular disk of iron pyrite (pyrite dollar / pyrite sun) measuring just over 3" (DC 20 Investigation or Arcana check: exactly π inches) in diameter, and a perfectly-rectangular piece of jet-black flint measuring ¹/₄" x 1" x 2¹/₄". When struck together, they produce sparks, as one would expect. Both are always warm to the touch, and never show any sign of wear whatsoever, even with heavy and repeated use.

They will produce sparks when struck together in any conditions, including high winds, underwater, or in an area with no oxygen, and will always ignite any fuel source that would light under ordinary conditions (even if it currently would not), producing a magical flame which burns as if it were ordinary fire from the same fuel source in ordinary conditions at sea level.

The two pieces are immune to damage (or other physical or magical alteration, such as carving, enlarging, reducing, or reshaping) from any source whatsoever, including the Wish spell and/or Divine Intervention.

DC20 Arcana or Religion check: this flint-and-pyrite is extremely old, predating recorded history, and has a strong connection to the Elemental Plane of Fire. In fact, the magical flame it produces is a portion of the Elemental Plane of Fire, despite burning at the expected temperature of a nonmagical fire using the same fuel source.

DC25 Arcana or Religion: This flint-and-pyrite is older than the current universe, and is the artifact which ignited the Elemental Plane of Fire.

DC30 Arcana, History, or Religion check: This item was used to ignite the metaphysical concept of fire in the first universe, many cycles before this one, before which no fire existed, nor could exist.

[Mrmox42]

Firelighter, Flint-and-Pyrite

Wow, a primordal firestarter, from the dawn of time. Excellent

[spwack]

That sounds like a collectors item. I'm sure some figures of a shady background (and probably uncertain species) would "pay" quite a bit for it...

[JAL_1138]

a primordal firestarter, from the dawn of time.

The fire starter, as it were, in an extremely literal sense.

figures of a shady background (and probably uncertain species)

The measurements of the flint are a 2001 joke along those lines. 1:4:9 ratio...

[Mrmox42]

Bottle of Emptyness: A magical bottle, that will always be empty, no matter what you put in it. If you pour liquid, of any form, into it, the liquid will vanish instantly. This also holds true with other things, such as rolls of parchment, worms, small lizards and the like.
If the bottle is broken, there will be a very small gust of wind (enough to ruffle peoples hair) emanating from it.

[Chadamantium]

And into the ocean to ruin a perfectly good pirate campaign. suddenly it's resembling a tank girl campaign.

[JAL_1138]

And into the ocean to ruin a perfectly good pirate campaign. suddenly it's resembling a tank girl campaign.

And that's how Athas was made.

[Mrmox42]

And into the ocean to ruin a perfectly good pirate campaign. suddenly it's resembling a tank girl campaign.

Interesting thought. I, however, was of the opinion, that only the liquid that actually enters the bottle, a.k.a. actually goes an inch or so into the bottle, will vanish.

Thusly, if you throw the bottle into an ocean, river og lake, water will indeed disappear, but very, very slowly. At the rate of liquid entering a bottle.

The amount of missing water would be negligible, unless we're talking small stagnant ponds and such.

[AgentPaper]

Interesting thought. I, however, was of the opinion, that only the liquid that actually enters the bottle, a.k.a. actually goes an inch or so into the bottle, will vanish.

Thusly, if you throw the bottle into an ocean, river og lake, water will indeed disappear, but very, very slowly. At the rate of liquid entering a bottle.

The amount of missing water would be negligible, unless we're talking small stagnant ponds and such.

Yeah, you might drain an artificial moat or something, but anything with an influx of water won't be much affected. And in DnD, even the oceans have an influx of water from the Plane of Elemental Water or whatever, which itself has infinite water, so you could't even drain all the oceans over hundreds of thousands of years or whatever.

[goto124]

Don't put your finger in it.

[Mrmox42]

Don't put your finger in it.

Nope. Just don't.

[JAL_1138]

Don't put your finger in it.

Nope. Just don't.

Spoiler: Relevant.

Show

[Mrmox42]

Living Sword: This grisly implement of war is a semi-living creature, that need to feed on the blood and flesh of those it has slain.
The Living Sword is a Longsword +3 that does an extra 1D4 points of acid damage when it hits a target. It will, however, stay embedded in the first victim that it reduces to -1 or lower hit points. It will then start to feed on it’s victim, and nothing short of a Wish Spell can take it out of the body that it is stuck in.
The victim keep taking 1D4 points of damage each round, and will slowly dissolve. This looks, sounds and smells rather nasty.
The Living Sword will stay embedded in the remains of it’s victim until 24 hours has passed. The Sword will then be sated, and can be pulled loose from the (now really gross) carcass.
The Living Sword will then be ready for a new fight.

[whibla]

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread, so I'll start by thanking TheFlyingBrick for creating it.

Now to add a few more items:

Breeches of Confidentiality –This finely made pair of trousers gives advantage on saving throws against spells and effects that would allow the wearer’s mind to be read, such as Detect Thoughts. However, the wearer is overcome by an almost uncontrollable urge (Charisma DC 25 save to avoid) to relate potentially embarrassing secrets, about themselves or their companions, or the details of any secret mission they might be undertaking, whenever in a social situation, i.e. talking to anyone not in their adventuring party.

Thanks to Epoch for giving me the idea, based on his Breeches of Trust.

Hat of Dis Guys – When a woman wears this elegant piece of headgear they gain advantage on diplomacy and persuasion checks made in social discourse with other women. However, invariably the wearer will turn the subject of any conversation towards the shortcomings of men in general, and very specifically if any are present. In addition the wearer will thoroughly criticise any action that any man takes in her presence, leaving them in no doubt as to their failings.

And finally, in a similar vein to the girdle of kobold strength (which actually made an appearance in one of our 2nd ed. campaigns many many years ago)

Amulet of the Plain – The wearer of this rather cheap looking necklace gains a Charisma score of 8.

I'm looking forward to reading more of these :-)

[Easy_Lee]

the wearer is overcome by an almost uncontrollable urge (Charisma DC 25 save to avoid) to relate potentially embarrassing secrets, about themselves

I think I actually own these...

[Mrmox42]

the wearer will turn the subject of any conversation towards the shortcomings of men in general, and very specifically if any are present

My wife has been wearing one of these for years

[Mrmox42]

Wig and Hammer of the Judge: When a person wears this big white powdered wig on his or her head (no helmet or hat or any kind of headwear can be worn, while wearing the Wig), the small and rather ridiculous looking little Hammer becomes a +2 Improvised Weapon. If the wearer also exclaims “I judge thee!” before each of his or her attacks, the hammer works as a Warhammer +2.
If the Wig is not worn, the Hammer is a normal little hammer.

(These items were created on the insistance of a city Judge, who often found himself as the focus of attacks from irate felons in the courtroom)

[DataNinja]

Does the wig and hammer allow a Sonic attack when you shout "Objection"?