Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon

[flame12]

P1: If we put the drugs in the water system it will dilute them and… I forgot my point.

P1: Potatoes will grow just about anywhere.
GM: Well we actually determined they won’t grow after 14.
Entire table bursts out laughing.

P1: Pass me some chips.
P3: Isn’t that cannibalism?

P2: The stick isn’t 100% up my ass.

P1: Why is this head causing so much trouble!?

P4: What would he need to roll to accidentally jump into the wasps nest?
GM: No.

P1: “Suppose we have bears”, said in the same tone most people would say “suppose we have rain”.

GM: So, P1 runs up and kicks a puppy in its bullet wound.

P1: Congrats p2, you just cut a defenseless puppy in half-
P4: while smooth jazz played in the background.
P1: This isn’t jazz!

P2: I pass by… Math is hard!

P2: I wish I was an interesting character so I could have something fun to say!

[DigoDragon]

GM: “Eating creatures that poop themselves and giggle afterwards probably isn't all that hygienic, anyway.”

Viridia: “I tried seducing a computer before, and it didn't work out.”

GM: “Really, if one of Mirror’s brothers shows up looking for her and he's an albino with a magic sword named Stormbringer, Doc shouldn't be surprised.”

Doc: “Okay narrative, are you disagreeing with me or agreeing?”
Narrative: “Yes.”

GM: “If you all were ground-bound, this would be a heck of a different story, but entering the place from the air shouldn't be all that big of an issue.”
Doc: (Noting his own lack of wings) “Well that's going to make for an interesting encounter.”

GM: “This game will probably run slower than a sloth on narcotics.”

Doc: “Then we all apologize for our transgressions and have a roaring game of Truth or Dare.”
Viridia: “I dare you to establish a Marxist utopia.”
Doc: “...well that escalated right off the bat. Um, this might take me a bit more than one night to accomplish.”

Viridia: >magazine contains lots of nudity
>read it
>no nudity
>???
GM: >magazine contains ponies
>ponies are nude by default

Doc: “Trade it for one of Livewire's mags?”
GM: “Livewire sold all her porn for a copy of 'How To Hide During Action Sequences' monthly.”

GM: “Writing as a living rarely goes well, from what I understand. You need a real job on the side, like teaching or washing dishes or cooking meth.”
Viridia: “Why not all three?”
GM: “Then you're a star in an upcoming CBS sitcom.”

GM: “Here's a list of Mirror's immediate family, anyway; just for Doc to stew over.”
Doc: “The hole dug for Doc should be about 2/3rds the way to Australia now.”

GM; “Björn 'Ironhorn' has a madness that throws him into a vicious rage when he sees a non-unicorn sentient being.”
Doc: “Well ****.”

GM: “Sigrdrífa ‘Snake Horn’ is noted to be somewhat sinister.”
Doc: “As opposed to full-on evil? So she's the 'good' member of the family? Or at least the obvious one?”
GM: “The question would probably have to be said to Mirror, but a more reasonable answer would be ‘It's a dark day when the family member most welcome to Doc's relationship is a snake-themed sorcerer.’”

Doc: “I hope you have a game plan because I have no idea where you're going with all this.”
GM: “Coughwolfpackbosscoughcough.”

Andante: “Based on what I heard over dinner, her culture is probably the kind that only marries their own and low-ponies like us would just be slaves for a dowry.”
Mirror: “Incorrect! You're the live entertainment.”

[goto124]

Mirror's family sounds awfully interesting already!

Also, the last quote, was it IC or OOC? It doesn't really make sense IC...

[DigoDragon]

Mirror's family sounds awfully interesting already!

The GM posted a list of Mirror's immediate family here, in case you have not already read it. They definitely are an... interesting bunch, and you can tell the brothers are there just to be an encounter for Doc later. Although Mirror's mother was mysteriously left off the list, Mirror once mentioned her name is Ice Burn.

Also, the last quote, was it IC or OOC? It doesn't really make sense IC...

It was OOC. I generally don't post IC/OOC context because it's more fun to guess. :D

[Cristo Meyers]

GM: “Writing as a living rarely goes well, from what I understand. You need a real job on the side, like teaching or washing dishes or cooking meth.”
Viridia: “Why not all three?”
GM: “Then you're a star in an upcoming CBS sitcom.”

Or a reality show on TLC...

[Erth16]

Sniper: I run into the hallway first.
Cannoneer: No let me, I have trapfinding.
Sniper: No I run in first.
Dm: As you walk into the hallway you hear a loud clank and three fwips down the hall, as three large crossbows fire at you. 14 damage.
Sniper: I keep running and make perception, do I see any traps?
Dm: You notice a trip wire about chest height to Juggernaut.
Sniper: I duck under it and keep going.
Dm: You run over a slit in the ground that sprays fire up. 28 more damage.
Sniper: Ok, I keep going, anything else?
Dm: Some spikes come out of the wall and impale you, 20 more damage.
Sniper: Ok what else?
Cannoneer: I disable the tripwire.
Dm: You failed it, barely. I giant boulder begins rolling at you from the other side of the hall. About where Sniper is. 28 more damage.
Juggernaut: I block the boulder with my shield and smash it.
Dm: Ok nice job. Sniper you see an obvious pitfall about 20ft across.
Ninja: A pitfall? In a crypt?
Dm: Yes.
Sniper: I jump it.
Dm: As you jump over it a minotaur reaches it's arms out from beneath the pitfall and grapples you midair. It pulls you down below the floor level and begins mauling you, as you realize it's lower half is part of the floor, and said part of the floor is a swarm of miniature minotaurs. They cover your mouth so that you cannot scream as the begin beating you to death. 30 more damage overall.



Dm: Sorcerers are powerful, crazy things. They do weird, almost cruel experiments with life. That creature in particular was one third minotaur, one third swarm of rats, and one third bag of cement.


Cannoneer: After having slain the dracolich, I walk over to Sniper's unconscious body, take her guns, take her ammo, Take her dagger, take her powder horn, and leave, for nearly getting us all killed with the minotaur stunt.
Ninja: And I take her hair as a trophy.
Sniper: Wow I thought you were gonna kill me again. That would be the 4th time a campaign ended with you killing me for stupid actions that nearly got everyone else killed against the BBEG.
Dm: And the fifth time if we include the time your other character killed you.

[bulbaquil]

P3: "Searching for stuff."
P1: "Staring at a wall."
P2: "Staring at a door."
P4: "Staring at my own incompetence."

P3: "I take the silver key."
P4: "Don't! It'll bypass your DR!"

P2: "I open the door."
GM: "Once again you are accosted by the smell of stagnant water."
P2: "I CLOSE THE DOOR."

P3: "I successfully unlock the door. Now, perception - is it trapped?"
P4: "You probably should have done that before you opened the door."
P3: "I open the door."
GM: "Roll a reflex save."

[Erth16]

Rexen: Ok Tenshi, Willem left us to do what we think is best, that bar is evil, let's purge it.
Tenshi: Ok.


Rexen: I noticed you two gentlemen are the only non-evil people here aside from my companion over there.
*Gestures to the human in fullplate having a slap fight with a halfling in fullplate.*
Rexen: Would you like to help purge this cesspool from the world?
Bouncers: Get out now, before we throw you out and call the guards to arrest you.
Rexen: I see you actually had mindblank up, well have at the.


Tenshi: You all must strive and do your best, to seek balance in all things. I know that you all have heard from your shoulder angels that you must be good. They are wrong, for it is better if everyone were neutral instead of good. You may not know it now, but someday, you will see that an empty spirit is a fulfilled spirit.
Bartender: What are you doing? First you beat up a midget and now you're preaching to us while covered in blood. Get out before I call the bouncers back in from pummeling your partner.


Tenshi: I sit down in the chair, facing the door, and create a silent image of a wall over the door, before telling the landlord "Worry not, no thief will be getting you or your daughter tonight, for I have never once blinked in my life."

Willem: As you can see the house has three entrances we must guard. The windows along the side I will take since I am fast, the Front door Tenshi shall take, since most sloths move faster than her, and the roof shall be yours Rexen, as you can get up there.

Tenshi: Excuse me but I beat that sloth to the market yesterday.

[Necroticplague]

"My god. I have stared into the abyss. And it is full of porn."

"Crap, he's starting to sound convincing. Start stabbing!"

"I'm gonna rip your heart out through your urethra!"

"I don't think 'damage caused by sex toys' is a valid weakness for Regeneration."

[goto124]

"Crap, he's starting to sound convincing. Start stabbing!"

I heard this somewhere before. Remind me of the system, and why it encouraged this behavior?

[Yukitsu]

Me: "It was an accident though. I just wanted to hit him really hard with a baseball bat."
DM: I can't believe how casually you can deliver that.

Me: "OK, we got the barrels, we got the fuel, before I light these up, anyone want to say a few last words?"
DM: One of your mooks says a filthy limerick that he remembers from elementary school.
Me: "Amen."

Me: The streets are free of cops. The Third Street Kings can get away with whatever they want.
DM: Yes, you guys can get away with pretty much anything for a little while now.
Me: Time to open a Chinese Restaurant.
DM: ...
Me: We are a terrible gang.

DM: There is no Third Street. It's Hird Avenue.
Me: Like that would stop me.

[DigoDragon]

Fox: "Where did you say Mirror is from?"
Doc: "Everfrost, which is basically Pony Iceland, but ruled by supremacist vikings with magic."
Fox: "So just vikings then? Oh, here's a wedding gift idea: get her an axe made from a baseball bat with a meat-cleaver on the end."
Doc: "Not bad, but needs a gas tank so it can ignite on fire. Burn her enemies and cook fish on the side."
Fox: "There you go, what every viking daughter of a warlord needs in their life."
Mirror: "Oh Doc, you really do know me!"

P3: "I take the silver key."
P4: "Don't! It'll bypass your DR!"

I've seen a character get stabbed by a silver key. XD
It does bypass!

"I don't think 'damage caused by sex toys' is a valid weakness for Regeneration."

...

[Lord Raziere]

I heard this somewhere before. Remind me of the system, and why it encouraged this behavior?

Exalted 2nd Edition.

because of the willpower thing being spent like health and basically if the enemy starts to sound convincing, that basically meant unnatural mental influence which basically meant mind control through very powerful words. thus a common way for Exalted players to stereotypically act in that edition would be to suddenly start physically attacking in the middle of social combat, thus breaking it and saving them all from becoming mind controlled by the person they're speaking to....and also initiating REAL combat in the process of course.

[Necroticplague]

I heard this somewhere before. Remind me of the system, and why it encouraged this behavior?

Exalted 2nd Edition.

because of the willpower thing being spent like health and basically if the enemy starts to sound convincing, that basically meant unnatural mental influence which basically meant mind control through very powerful words. thus a common way for Exalted players to stereotypically act in that edition would be to suddenly start physically attacking in the middle of social combat, thus breaking it and saving them all from becoming mind controlled by the person they're speaking to....and also initiating REAL combat in the process of course.

This. Especially combined with how much longer social combat took than physical combat, so convincing someone takes at least 14x as long as it takes to smack them in the face.

[Hawkstar]

This. Especially combined with how much longer social combat took than physical combat, so convincing someone takes at least 14x as long as it takes to smack them in the face.

... I fully sympathize with the Trade Federation's response to Jedi being sent to negotiate at the beginning of Star Wars: Episode 1

[bobthehero]

GM, to monk: You start to hear voices

Monk: What are those voices?

Cleric who maxed out profession farmer: *rolls a 19 +20ish to convice the dwarf that his knowledge in anything growing is absolute* Relax, you're hearing the plants grow, you'll be fine.

[goto124]

All I know about Star Wars, is from Darths and Droids. I have no idea what's up with the complicated politics, with all the names being thrown about. I read all the way to

Spoiler

Show

Padme giving birth to Luke and Leia, plus Anakin becoming Darth Vader.

and I still understand very little of that thing you call the Trade Federation and stuff.

[Diachronos]

Magus: "Let's play this out logically, Cupcake."
DM: "Whenever you call someone 'Cupcake', it never ends well."

Cavalier: "You forget, Aiden's hit all of once in combat."
DM: "Is that including the crit-fail?"
Cavalier: "...Twice."

"I don't think I've ever seen a fight last 27 rounds."
"I have, I've seen one"
"Does that one really count?"
"Which one?"
"The grizgol."
"Two, I've seen two encounters last 27 rounds."

[PoeticDwarf]

Me: Wizard, you wake up after being knocked out by the dreadful constructs. The first thing you notice is that your friends seem to have wiped out all of those iron monsters. The second thing you notice is that part of your cape has been cut off.
Wizard: What. The. Expletive. Once I find out who's done this...
Me: The third thing you notice is that the cut-off part of the cape is stuck to your head. It smells like pee.
Rogue: Don't kill me! It really seemed like a good idea at the time!

Wizard: I fly through the window, refusing to spend any more time in the same chamber as the person who used my cape as toilet paper!
Me: Er... are you sure?
Wizard: Of course I am!
Me: *facepalms* Fine. Take 1d6 slashing damage. And as you only have a single hit point left...
Wizard: Oops. I kind of forgot glass hurts.

Wizard: So basically what happens is that you all hear a sizzling sound from above your heads, on the roof. A few seconds later, a 10 ft-section of the ceiling is disintegrated and falls down as an ashen rain. I then burst in at top speed. Oh, and my skin has turned completely purple-blue.
Me: It worries me that I'm getting used to these things.
Monk: I am more worried about him wasting a sixth-level spell on entering dramatically.

Yeah that was funny, especially because the wizard is the guy with 20 inteligence.
(I am the monk)

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “I don't think Evil Pony Iceland has many lions.”

Doc: “Will Mirror fall in love with Doc?”
Emojic 8-Ball: *Displays image of twin hearts*
GM: “Who is the final boss of Blood and Pancakes?”
Emojic 8-Ball: *Displays image of a single snowflake*
GM: “Here's a nugget of wisdom.”

Doc: “So, what to do with you?”
Andante: “Hush. Do not look at me like I'm the one who's starting trouble around here. I am waiting for everyone to kiss and make up.”

Doc: “Mirror, you've spoken about families among the high-unicorns like yourself. I wondered if low-ponies are allowed to form families too in your land?”
GM: “Mirror opened her mouth to speak, but didn't get the chance to respond; she was interrupted by the sound of a commotion outside!
Doc: “For the love of Luna's left hoof. If someone isn’t dying, I might have to fix that.”

Doc: “Sari and the servants showed up at the gates with the Olives and several carts of food. I think that's pretty self-explanatory.”
Andante: (Twitch) “Well, I suppose we need to speak to our new glorious horse overlord, then.”

Viridia: “So...we still have to put up with Tirkes in every other way?”
GM: “She still exists. For instance, right now she's about to return to her home planet! She could die on her way there, too.”
Viridia: “Except she's involved in the scene with Sari, which the party is inevitably going to join.”
Moon: “Are we? I thought the plan was to just leave considering only Doc has any interest in helping Andante.”
Doc: “Hahaha… aww.”

Viridia: “So, Nightcore, any chance I can get my caps before we're hunted down by Sari and the Olives because of a murder that none of us did?”

Sari: “How is life here, by perchance?”
Moon: “I don't know, I don't live here, so go bother somepony else.”
GM: “Moonshadow's making Sari upset. Moonshadow's karma is now -100.”
Moon: “Heh, I've hinted at that Moonshadow is racist before right?”
Doc: “You did? Huh. Thought Moon just hated everyone equally.”

Doc: “What will you do now?”
Andante: “What I will do will probably be determined by how many others the pegasus could insult while we are standing here.”

GM: “Ooh, what if they really did have a lesbian pile?”
Viridia: “Is that relevant? I'm a pegasus, not a proctologist.”

Sari: “I must congratulate you're heroic actions three days ago. As you and your friends saved my brother from a feral ghoul Reaver. For that, you are in my debt.”
Stellar: “No we're not. Hello again Sari.”
Sari: (Cough cough) “Ah, yes. I am in your debt, my apologies. It has been a very long day.”

Moon: “We need Viridia to be mean to Sari. Doc's too nice.”
Doc: “Don't forget that there is an armed force behind Sari.”

[goto124]

Yeah that was funny, especially because the wizard is the guy with 20 inteligence.
(I am the monk)

How high is the Wizard's WIS?

Doc: “For the love of Luna's left hoof. If someone isn’t dying, I might have to fix that.”

How are Doc's Medicine rolls these days?

Not that it'll help much here- everypony will blame Doc.

[Lakaz]

PC1: "I boop thee in the name of Dagon!"
PC2: "I, uh, don't think you can BOOP people in the name of dagon. Dagon isn't a very boop-y god."
PC1: "Eh, Dagon's cool with it. It's a fish, it doesn't care much."
PC3: "It's not just a fish, it's THE fish. That's Mr. Boss fish to you!"

[DigoDragon]

How are Doc's Medicine rolls these days?
Not that it'll help much here- everypony will blame Doc.

Heehee, it's always Doc Wagon's fault.

His medicine rolls have gotten much better though. This is a good thing because his gun skills are now what rolls poorly and Mirror's brothers may show up at any point the GM is feeling ready for shenanigans. :o

[Hawkstar]

All I know about Star Wars, is from Darths and Droids. I have no idea what's up with the complicated politics, with all the names being thrown about. I read all the way to

Spoiler

Show

Padme giving birth to Luke and Leia, plus Anakin becoming Darth Vader.

and I still understand very little of that thing you call the Trade Federation and stuff.

You really should see the Star Wars movies - Start with Episodes IV, V, and VI, then watch I, II, and III. Episode IV alone is more influential on Gamer and Geek culture than The Princess Bride and Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail combined.

Anyway - what I was getting at is the first Star Wars movie (Episode IV) established that Jedi can control minds, especially weak-willed ones. ('These are not the droids you're looking for"). Episode I opens with Jedi being sent to negotiate with the (Weak-willed leaders of the) Trade Federation to end a blockade of Naboo - and as soon as the Federation realized the 'ambassadors' were Jedi, the Trade Federation tried to kill them (First blowing up their ship, then trying to poison gas them, and then using a bunch of Battle Droids to finish them off. And when all that failed, Droideka/Destroyer Droids), estabishing them as Horrendous Villains in the movie for trying to kill peaceful and nonviolent negotiators.

[Yukitsu]

Me (DM): "Captain, I'm getting a message over comms here, I think this guy must think he's some kind of Saturday morning cartoon villain or something."
Player 2: "Oh really? What did he say?"
Me: "He said, and I quote "You incompetent fools! Must I do everything myself? Prepare my mech, I'm going out there.""
Player 2: "Wow, that is stupid."
Player 4: "Challenge accepted! Chaaarge!"

Me: Your allies open up a channel to the enemy dreadnought using an array of anti magic fields giving you a corridor to fire through, but their escorting ships quickly plug the gap. Since the entirety of the escort fleet requires magic for things like gravity and oxygen, you see a few hundred struggling forms floating off the deck of their ships before going limp.
Player 2: "Well, that's grim. Open fire on them, maybe we can clear a path through the corpses with enough fire power."
Me: Well, they can always increase the density of corpses if what they have isn't enough.

Me: He opens up with a meteor swarm on your head.
Player 1: Ha! I'm immune to fire in this form.
Me: Noted. Next turn he uses a polar ray on you.
Player 1: Well nuts.

[ZeroGear]

Me (DM): "Captain, I'm getting a message over comms here, I think this guy must think he's some kind of Saturday morning cartoon villain or something."
Player 2: "Oh really? What did he say?"
Me: "He said, and I quote "You incompetent fools! Must I do everything myself? Prepare my mech, I'm going out there.""
Player 2: "Wow, that is stupid."
Player 4: "Challenge accepted! Chaaarge!"

This could not have ended well. Gotta remember to create a villain like this at some point.

Me: He opens up with a meteor swarm on your head.
Player 1: Ha! I'm immune to fire in this form.
Me: Noted. Next turn he uses a polar ray on you.
Player 1: Well nuts.

Nice follow-up. Please tell me that the next spell was Lightning Bolt.

[Yukitsu]

This could not have ended well. Gotta remember to create a villain like this at some point.

They are definitely more fun to play when they're like that.

Nice follow-up. Please tell me that the next spell was Lightning Bolt.

Considered it, but the polar ray was enough to clinch that part. After that guy went down, he went after the speedy ambusher in the group and mazed him so he could take the prep time to set up the 1v1 thunderdome.

[JAL_1138]

DM: He light the rag and throws the bottle of alcohol at you. *roll* Take 3 points of fire damage.
P1: You're on fire.
P2: Damn, I didn't want to kill this guy. Makes great liquor, I had some earlier. Smooth, tasty, but with a nice kick.
P1: You're on fire.
P2: Like I said, got a nice kick.

[JAL_1138]

After that guy went down, he went after the speedy ambusher in the group and mazed him so he could take the prep time to set up the 1v1 thunderdome.

Some people just can't seem to get beyond Thunderdome.

[Fumble Jack]

3.5 Game

P5: Did we just get Fus Ro Dah'd?
Dm: More like Fus Ro Stunned.

P5: What happened to our halfling mini ballista?
P4: She learned how to hide in plain sight.

P1: Whose bright idea was it to sew this cabbage patch abomination together?
P2: Usually a wizard did it, in this case I was the wizard.