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Thread: Iron Poet XXII
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2015-08-06, 04:45 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Sorry for the delay, this week turned out to be unexpectedly crazy. But I should have time tomorrow to finish the judgements. Got a day off from work too.
Last edited by CWater; 2015-08-06 at 04:45 PM.
Alamryn Kven, a druid who tries very hard not to be useless.
Celesta Halla, a fearless barbarian.
Jheren Falconer, a drifter ranger.
Rhenner Calami, a snarky medic with an untrustworthy memory.
DMing Ljonarian Enigma: Imperial Affairs and The Pirate Dream: Sliced Heart
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2015-08-06, 05:35 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
No worries, I appreciate you volunteering to help in the first place.
“Sometimes, immersed in his books, there would come to him
the awareness of all that he did not know, of all that he had not read;
and the serenity for which he labored was shattered as he realized the
little time he had in life to read so much, to learn what he had to know.”
~Stoner, John Williams~
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2015-08-07, 03:05 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
As it turns out, I didn't have the time to write as much as would have wanted. :/ But I think it's best that I post the judgements now, so the competition doesn't stall longer.
Iron Poet XX: Round
Jormengard vs. FinnLassie: Self-Portrait
Elvaris vs. Szilard: W.B. Yeats
SaintRidley vs. Benthesquid: Sir Nicholas Throckmorton
Duck999 vs. SeptimusFabrius: Dreaming child
Judgements
Spoiler: Jormengard vs. FinnLassie: Self-Portrait
Spoiler: JormengardA very literal interpretation of the prompt, or so I read it. The narrator is painting the picture of himself and at the same time, listening to music? That is the image I get from this. Both 'sides' of the poem work as individual poems of their own, one is what the narrator does, the other what he thinks, though there are some thoughts among the painting side as well. The two interact subtly, but still they do, and together give a different feeling than either part alone.
Spoiler: FinnLassieOh, will have to be careful when commenting this due to forum rules. The narrator has a strong message, that he wants to underline, almost desperately. I like how simple examples, like wearing certain clothes, are used to emphasize this message. There is also unapologetic anger and frustration that stems from it.
Spoiler: WinnerA very close one, but Jormengard gets my vote.
Spoiler: Elvaris vs. Szilard: W.B. Yeats
Spoiler: ElvarisLonging for someone who is gone. Why is the finished picture in sepia tone, if the person specifically thinks about the colour of the clothes? The poem raises a few questions, and it is short and cute, but the feelings of the narrator don't quite reach me. There is only an air of glumness, despite the bittersweet memories.
Spoiler: SzilardI unfortunately haven't heard of the title character before, so I'm afraid I'm missing some references in this poem about him. Some of the wordplay is nice and I quite like the rhyming scheme.
Spoiler: WinnerSlizard
Spoiler: SaintRidley vs. Benthesquid: Sir Nicholas Throckmorton
Another name that was unfamiliar to me. Well, now I know.
Spoiler: SaintRidleyThis really has a nice feel, it creates the feeling of an empty corridor and a painting gathering dust. The speaker could be a random passer-by, briefly stopping to glance at the painting and then moving on again. This seems to be a theme this round.
Spoiler: BenthesquidNo entry.
Spoiler: WinnerSaintRidley wins by default.
Spoiler: Duck999 vs SeptimusFabrius: Dreaming child
Spoiler: Duck999Hmm, this tries to paint the story of a child that has it all except love. But what is it that she's really missing? Why isn't she happy? Because her parents only give her things and not affection, and so she things that a romantic love would make her happy? I don't know, this reasoning could make sense for a child, but the feelings or what caused them are not clear and the effect of the poem is not as strong as a result. The poem is cute, but its purpose eludes me.
Spoiler: SeptimusFabriusThe first reading left an eeriee atmosphere, blurry images of ghosts and forgotten places. Hmm, even after going through it again, I think the poem could have several interpretations. The one story that comes to my mind, is that there was a girl, but now only a painting of her hangs in the house. Did she die young? A couple of lines suggest that, but then there is the one that says 'might have been a grave', which implies that maybe not. In any case, she is part of the past, and now even the picture of her is disappearing and then it is finally taken off the wall as well.
I really like this one. Some lines are maybe a little worn, like 'the roses seem eternal', but overall, it is quite nice.
Spoiler: WinnerSeptimusFabrius.
Alamryn Kven, a druid who tries very hard not to be useless.
Celesta Halla, a fearless barbarian.
Jheren Falconer, a drifter ranger.
Rhenner Calami, a snarky medic with an untrustworthy memory.
DMing Ljonarian Enigma: Imperial Affairs and The Pirate Dream: Sliced Heart
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2015-08-11, 12:57 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Congratulations to the winners of this round!
SeptimusFabrius
SaintRidley
FinnLassie
Elvaris
I'll have the next round up soon.“Sometimes, immersed in his books, there would come to him
the awareness of all that he did not know, of all that he had not read;
and the serenity for which he labored was shattered as he realized the
little time he had in life to read so much, to learn what he had to know.”
~Stoner, John Williams~
My Homebrew (Most Recent) | Forum Rules
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2015-08-11, 02:44 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Thank you to all the judges! Jormengard, we actually almost ended up making our poem from exactly the same damn thing as I also found the video and had already started writing when another theme popped to my head and went with that.
Last edited by FinnLassie; 2015-08-11 at 02:44 PM.
Originally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-08-11, 03:03 PM (ISO 8601)
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2015-08-17, 12:54 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Sorry for the delay, everyone! Without further ado:
Iron Poet XXII: Round 2
Elvaris vs. SaintRidley: Blemished, unfold
FinnLassie vs. SeptimusFabrius: Revived, jostled
Deadline: Monday August 24th, 2015 at 11:59 pm EDT (UTC -4).“Sometimes, immersed in his books, there would come to him
the awareness of all that he did not know, of all that he had not read;
and the serenity for which he labored was shattered as he realized the
little time he had in life to read so much, to learn what he had to know.”
~Stoner, John Williams~
My Homebrew (Most Recent) | Forum Rules
/veɪnoɚ/
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2015-08-17, 06:41 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
What time is it, kids?
You guessed it right -
It's time to open the dictionary to see what the hell one of your prompts mean!
I hate you Vaynor :smallsneakytongue:Originally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-08-21, 01:57 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
I am sad to read this, Sept-o Fabr-o. It would've been great to compete with you.
... especially as I'm here to submit my poyem.
Spoiler: muh poyemTrain
Felt like a pounding
though just a nudge
in the midst of a crowd.
Heartbeats racing
feeling the bulge
in the midst of a crowd.
Mind startled and shrinking
hard to revive oneself
in the midst of a crowd.
Sensed some touching
not where I wanted
in the midst of a crowd.
The need for parting
grows ever stronger
in the midst of a crowd.Last edited by FinnLassie; 2015-08-21 at 03:01 AM. Reason: i forgotteded something
Originally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-08-22, 09:03 PM (ISO 8601)
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2015-08-24, 09:09 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Prompt: Blemished, Unfold.
Spoiler
Legend says
That if you fold
A thousand origami cranes
You can make a miracle happen.
So I did.
And on the day that I finished
My thousandth crane,
I met you.
And it was perfect.
And then it wasn't.
As quickly as you warmed,
You cooled.
Filling my life with pain.
And some cranes.
And so I left.
And the thousand sheets
of newly flat paper
Are a reminder
That there's more to a miracle
Than origami.
Ahthankya, thankyaverymuch.
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2015-08-27, 10:16 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
I kinda feel bad winning by default, but there's no one to blame as we all have our reasons to drop out (I had to drop out last round due to extreme stress).
Now we gots tae wait for dem judgings. No hurries! (uni starts again next week, don't have no time to stalk this thread and moan )Originally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-09-03, 01:07 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
I'm actually going to withdraw my poem here as I am submitting it as part of a submission to a poetry journal. I will gladly PM it to any judges who would like to look at it, but by no means do I feel entitled to continue in judgment once I take the step of removing the poem from the post.
Thank you all very much for giving me such a good prompt to work with.
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2015-09-03, 02:30 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Well, in that case, without further ado:
Iron Poet: Round 3
Elvaris vs. FinnLassie: Unopposed, undecipherable, unequaled
Deadline: Friday, September 11th 2015 at 11:59pm EDT (UTC -4).
Judges, if you could still provide feedback on Elvaris' and FinnLassie's poems it would be greatly appreciated. I'm glad you liked the prompt, SaintRidley. Could you PM me the poem? I can't read them until the round is over in case I need to be a judge and thus never got the chance to read yours.Last edited by Vaynor; 2015-09-03 at 02:31 AM.
“Sometimes, immersed in his books, there would come to him
the awareness of all that he did not know, of all that he had not read;
and the serenity for which he labored was shattered as he realized the
little time he had in life to read so much, to learn what he had to know.”
~Stoner, John Williams~
My Homebrew (Most Recent) | Forum Rules
/veɪnoɚ/
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2015-09-03, 01:57 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Oh. Well. That was an interesting turn of events. I guess I have to get on writing, then.
Originally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-09-03, 09:42 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Interesting prompts for this round.
As far as feedback and such for last round: Elvaris, FinnLassie, if either of you prefer, I could get it up soon, but if not, it would be easier to put it with this round's judgments. It's up to you though. Let me know.Thanks Uncle Festy for the wonderful Ashling Avatar
I make music
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2015-09-04, 04:23 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
I've been on some crazy creative roll as of late...
Here be my submission!
Spoiler: muh poyemI
Oh almighty! Oh supreme! Your people greet you as you shine!
For your glory is above all, we stand meek by your side
The warmth of your presence brings smiles to our eyes
II
Oh leader! Oh gazer! Your people receive anything you provide!
For your signs are above all, we cannot decipher everything
The divinity of your words lives within its own mystery
III
Oh astonishing! Oh benevolent! Your people will stay by your side!
For your good deeds empower us, we banish the non-believers
The statue they praise is no longer in competition with you
IV
Oh fearsome! Oh chieftain! Your people fear you as you thrive!
For your force is above all, we fight and bleed dry in your name
The agony of others feeds your generosity towards our men
~~~
Epilogue
Charred are the villages you ruined
Scarred are the people you fooled
Barred are the souls you destroyed
A whole race extinct for an artificial godOriginally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-09-10, 08:46 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Prompt: Unopposed, undecipherable, unequaled.
Spoiler
Unable
Ungainly
Unsuited
Unready
Unguided
Unlikely
Untested
Undimmed
Unartful
Unsteady
Unrated
Unnerved
Unknown
Unopposed
Unproven
Unworthy
Unsated
Untiring
Unweary
Unending
Unaided
Unclear
Undeciphered
Uncaring
Unswayed
Ungiving
Unafraid
Undaunted
Unshaken
Unchosen
Unhailed
Unbroken
Uncovered
Uncanny
Unlocked
Unerring
Unsubdued
Unyielding
Unleashed
Unrelenting
Unseating
Unrivaled
Unstopped
Undefeated
Undebated
Uncontested
Unmatched
Unparalleled
Undenied
Unsurpassed
Undisputed
Unequaled
Ahthankya, thankyaverymuch.
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2015-09-14, 01:50 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Waiting for the judgements, then...
I keep on reading this thread as Iron PootOriginally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-09-17, 10:52 AM (ISO 8601)
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2015-09-18, 06:00 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
I did, thanks. Thought I responded. Sorry about that!
“Sometimes, immersed in his books, there would come to him
the awareness of all that he did not know, of all that he had not read;
and the serenity for which he labored was shattered as he realized the
little time he had in life to read so much, to learn what he had to know.”
~Stoner, John Williams~
My Homebrew (Most Recent) | Forum Rules
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2015-09-19, 12:00 AM (ISO 8601)
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2015-09-21, 03:25 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
It's Judgment Day. (Well, a few days late. Sorry 'bout that.)
Spoiler: FinnLassie vs. ElvarisSpoiler: FinnLassieTwisted tribal religious devotional. (Not that twisted, I guess, considering how kinked the source material can be.) The "you" in the epilogue is the tribe, right?
Flow and style are generally good. I stumbled on the last lines of III and IV. The third stanza breaks a few otherwise recurring patterns, and I'm wondering if that's deliberate.
Theme comes off a little flat. The pace of the narrative development from benevolent shining peace to fear-driven bloody violence is muddled, and I think it's the second verse that causes this. You had to bring in the divine mysteries because of the prompt, but they didn't go anywhere, so they ended up kind of getting in the way.
Epilogue is the strongest section. Brutally direct statement of the brutal outcome.
Spoiler: ElvarisLeading with the obvious, this is a direct yet creative way to address the prompt. Straight zero-to-hero montage going on in here.
At the detail level, some odd word choices--including, surprisingly, the prompt words. At the broader level, stanza 6 feels like it loses the narrative flow, which is really important because of how oblique the presentation is--if the underlying narrative isn't crystal clear, it will be *cough* undecipherable when viewed through your chosen lens. Also, stanzas 7 and 8 feel like 'resolute underdog' and 'bouncing back from defeat' but they don't quite fit where they are. And there's a lot of narrative repetition near the end.
I like the beginning best. The nervous wobbling newbie comes through loud and clear.
Spoiler: JudgmentFinnLassie, by a hair.Last edited by Lethologica; 2015-09-21 at 03:26 AM.
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2015-09-28, 10:46 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Sorry it took so long for judgments. It's been a crazy couple weeks.
First things first, here's some thoughts on last rounds poems.
Spoiler: FinnLassieI like this a lot. It's simple and effective, and plays with the prompt really well. I especially like the spacing in the poem. Gives it an unsettling feel that works with the subject matter.
Spoiler: ElvarisThis made me sad. I really like the structure of the whole thing. Well done.
Alright, actual judgement time
Spoiler: FinnLassie vs Elvaris
Spoiler: FinnLassieThere's a grand sense to this poem. It makes for a nice finale piece. I feel the prompts coming through quite well, and flows nicely. I question dividing everything into parts though. To me, at least, it seems that the whole thing works better as one piece. But I understand the look and feel you were going for. I do think the epilogue needed to be more divorced from the rest of the poem. It needs to read more as notes on a margin then the ending of the verses. But all in all well done.
Spoiler: ElvarisThis is really cool. Not in any way what I would have expected out of the prompts but wow do I like the idea. I love the way this builds up tension and towards the prompts. I feel it loses a bit of momentum towards the end though. There's almost this chanting sense towards the poem, and several lines and stanzas fit awkwardly in the whole thing. Specifically, "Undebated/Uncontested/Unmatched/Unparalleled" I feel each line is just a little too long. But as a whole piece, this is great.
Spoiler: WinnerI've debated over this a lot. Both poems used the prompts fantastically. Both were overall excellent poems. It's a tough choice, but I think I'm going to give this to Elvaris.Thanks Uncle Festy for the wonderful Ashling Avatar
I make music
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2015-10-02, 05:10 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
We have one judgement left, right?
Originally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-10-02, 12:09 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Yes, I PMed CWater to give them a chance to get their judgments in but it's been too long at this point. I'll try to do judgments today to get the next contest started.
“Sometimes, immersed in his books, there would come to him
the awareness of all that he did not know, of all that he had not read;
and the serenity for which he labored was shattered as he realized the
little time he had in life to read so much, to learn what he had to know.”
~Stoner, John Williams~
My Homebrew (Most Recent) | Forum Rules
/veɪnoɚ/
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2015-10-03, 06:47 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Alamryn Kven, a druid who tries very hard not to be useless.
Celesta Halla, a fearless barbarian.
Jheren Falconer, a drifter ranger.
Rhenner Calami, a snarky medic with an untrustworthy memory.
DMing Ljonarian Enigma: Imperial Affairs and The Pirate Dream: Sliced Heart
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2015-10-14, 11:16 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Sooo... how's... stuff?
Originally Posted by LaZodiac
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2015-10-15, 08:03 AM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Are you guys short a judge?
I can whip something up if you like.(Avatar by Cuthalion, who is great.)
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2015-10-16, 01:02 PM (ISO 8601)
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Re: Iron Poet XXII
Sorry guys, I assumed that since CWater posted she'd do the judgments. I've been a bit busy lately. I can do them today unless truemane wants to do them (and he is infinitely more qualified to do so than I).
“Sometimes, immersed in his books, there would come to him
the awareness of all that he did not know, of all that he had not read;
and the serenity for which he labored was shattered as he realized the
little time he had in life to read so much, to learn what he had to know.”
~Stoner, John Williams~
My Homebrew (Most Recent) | Forum Rules
/veɪnoɚ/