LGBTAI+ #56: Prismatic Spray!

[Grytorm]

Spoiler: Bad stuff

Show

So... A convicted serial rapist is being released to public housing near my old community.

There are a lot of people NIMBing. Some people making threats against his life (which I reported). I, a victim of childhood sexual assault, am the only person standing up for his right to exist somewhere as best I can tell.

And I feel awful... Like, I don't feel like I can do less than I've done and live with myself, but the very topic is stirring up all of the old issues, and I'm being treated as a rape apologist because rape is clearly only ever a women's issue in the minds of at least one person who started attacking me.

So... I could use a hug.

Hug? Hugs. Definitely hugs.

I have never had to deal with things like that directly, but that is part of why I mentioned the weird difficulty of separating a call for reform from an angry mob. I hope things work out. And I hope the man leads a better life given now that he has the chance.

[Xihirli]

Spoiler: Bad stuff

Show

So... A convicted serial rapist is being released to public housing near my old community.

There are a lot of people NIMBing. Some people making threats against his life (which I reported). I, a victim of childhood sexual assault, am the only person standing up for his right to exist somewhere as best I can tell.

And I feel awful... Like, I don't feel like I can do less than I've done and live with myself, but the very topic is stirring up all of the old issues, and I'm being treated as a rape apologist because rape is clearly only ever a women's issue in the minds of at least one person who started attacking me.

So... I could use a hug.

All my hugs.

[Grytorm]

Golly: More Hugs.

[golentan]

Feeling better, thanks guys. Went for a long walk, shook it off...

[Skeppio]

Spoiler: Bad stuff

Show

So... A convicted serial rapist is being released to public housing near my old community.

There are a lot of people NIMBing. Some people making threats against his life (which I reported). I, a victim of childhood sexual assault, am the only person standing up for his right to exist somewhere as best I can tell.

And I feel awful... Like, I don't feel like I can do less than I've done and live with myself, but the very topic is stirring up all of the old issues, and I'm being treated as a rape apologist because rape is clearly only ever a women's issue in the minds of at least one person who started attacking me.

So... I could use a hug.

It's a very noble thing you did, Golly. Actually quite proud of you, a lot of people wouldn't even consider doing that. *offers lots of hugs*

[golentan]

Aaaand it's not okay again.

Spoiler

Show

I took the four hour walk to let go of all the negativity, and it helped: maybe nothing will make any of this okay, but it helped. But now I can't sleep because of a sunburn I picked up on my walk-it-off earlier. So I checked facebook.

There's a new flurry of activity from people I used to know, many of whom used to pick on me specifically about my own history... They're talking about weapons, and lynching, and about how they're speaking for the victims of sexual assault.

And if I hadn't been blocked from the discussions, I would scream at them for the presumption of DARING to speak for me. How DARE they!!!

A man who, as a boy, made my life a living hell through victim blaming has BLOCKED ME FROM POSTING ON HIS PAGE so he can talk about "justice for victims" without dissenting voices.

I want to let all this go, but I can't let this go. I CANNOT let this GO, not from that community of all places. I have never been so angry in my adult life.

[Athedia]

Aaaand it's not okay again.

Spoiler

Show

I took the four hour walk to let go of all the negativity, and it helped: maybe nothing will make any of this okay, but it helped. But now I can't sleep because of a sunburn I picked up on my walk-it-off earlier. So I checked facebook.

There's a new flurry of activity from people I used to know, many of whom used to pick on me specifically about my own history... They're talking about weapons, and lynching, and about how they're speaking for the victims of sexual assault.

And if I hadn't been blocked from the discussions, I would scream at them for the presumption of DARING to speak for me. How DARE they!!!

A man who, as a boy, made my life a living hell through victim blaming has BLOCKED ME FROM POSTING ON HIS PAGE so he can talk about "justice for victims" without dissenting voices.

I want to let all this go, but I can't let this go. I CANNOT let this GO, not from that community of all places. I have never been so angry in my adult life.

*hugs* You are a good person Golentan. I am sorry I can't do more for you except send hugs.

[golentan]

*hugs* You are a good person Golentan. I am sorry I can't do more for you except send hugs.

I'm not a good person. I am an ANGRY person. All I'm doing is desperately trying to channel that into something nondestructive right now so that I don't drown in it.

[Athedia]

I'm not a good person. I am an ANGRY person. All I'm doing is desperately trying to channel that into something nondestructive right now so that I don't drown in it.

Sometimes the line between the two is blurred, it says a lot that you are trying to channel it into something .

[golentan]

Spoiler

Show

I have devolved to screaming insults against some of the people in question, and if they were physically in front of me it would be a struggle to not physically strike them. I am not feeling noble in the least, I just feel sick... I don't need to be told I'm doing what's right, or that I'm a good person, I just want it to STOP. I want to not have to constantly struggle to do what's right, I want people to stop making it hard to do so, I want people to stop stirring that pot, I want people to stop making me be the bigger person, I want to scream and vent my rage physically on something breakable. I want to not be in the position of defending a monster from monsters because of principle.

I HATE people. I hate constantly worrying about whether the people I talk to are the good ones or the monsters. I hate all of the things that people have done to me, I hate that I am called a monster for advocating forgiveness or at worst avoidance for a being out of my blackest nightmares, I hate that right when I had a moment of real happiness, when I think I've escaped and put all this behind me I'm dragged back into this cycle, I hate that when I was growing up, when I was happy, when I liked people, I took a detour straight through twisted because I reached out to the wrong person, I hate that I still don't know how to deal with people in a positive way consistently...

I HATE ALL THIS.

[golentan]

Sorry, I appreciate the words and support, but this whole thing is hitting me right in the baggage that I've never managed to unload on pretty much every level...

[Mono Vertigo]

Aaaand it's not okay again.

Spoiler

Show

I took the four hour walk to let go of all the negativity, and it helped: maybe nothing will make any of this okay, but it helped. But now I can't sleep because of a sunburn I picked up on my walk-it-off earlier. So I checked facebook.

There's a new flurry of activity from people I used to know, many of whom used to pick on me specifically about my own history... They're talking about weapons, and lynching, and about how they're speaking for the victims of sexual assault.

And if I hadn't been blocked from the discussions, I would scream at them for the presumption of DARING to speak for me. How DARE they!!!

A man who, as a boy, made my life a living hell through victim blaming has BLOCKED ME FROM POSTING ON HIS PAGE so he can talk about "justice for victims" without dissenting voices.

I want to let all this go, but I can't let this go. I CANNOT let this GO, not from that community of all places. I have never been so angry in my adult life.

First, hugs for the first part.
Second, hugs for this parts.
Third, what the hell.
Fourth, you're definitely a good person (better than I, at any rate, but it's not like I set a high standard). Being angry and being good aren't mutually exclusive. There's something borderline evil about speaking up for people you're silencing IMHO. You probably have good reasons for not explaining why exactly your voice is worth being paid attention to in this mess (well, for explaining it to those who weren't dumb enough to be asses about it despite knowing, of course). Still, this is horrifying.
*mumbles something about showing these morons the White Bear episode of Black Mirror* and teach a lesson about mobs and punishment*

EDIT: you're right, you shouldn't be the one to do or live that, nonetheless.
I can't make it better. I can only guarantee you that this, too, shall pass.
Sorry it's happening to you (happening at all, period).



*Black Mirror is a great series, but if you had a good day so far and want it to stay that way, don't watch it. In fact, even if you've had a bad day so far and don't want it to get worse, don't watch it, either.

[golentan]

I'm all cried out, the shakes have stopped, I'm gonna try to sleep again, and hope it's better in the morning...

Thank you so much, everyone... This community, right here, has done more to help me than anything else. This community helped me sort through all my confusion about my own identity as nobody else ever could, you've been here for me through the worst and the best... If it weren't for this community, I'd never have met the love of my life. This community has kept me sane, kept me connected to the world when I was most isolated, and there's nothing I can do to properly express how much it means, both in the abstract and to some of you in particular. Thanks for everything, and I'll see you tomorrow, and the day after, and so on.

[Xihirli]

Good night, Golentan.

[Psyren]

My hopefully-not-too-lighthearted advice is to fire up a brawling/fighting game of some kind. Bayonetta, or God of War, or MK etc. Something brutal and cathartic that lets you just pound some pixels into bloody submission and check out from the world for a bit.

Also, blast some heavy metal or gangsta rap at full volume, just because.

And feel better!

[Anarion]

Aaaand it's not okay again.

Spoiler

Show

I took the four hour walk to let go of all the negativity, and it helped: maybe nothing will make any of this okay, but it helped. But now I can't sleep because of a sunburn I picked up on my walk-it-off earlier. So I checked facebook.

There's a new flurry of activity from people I used to know, many of whom used to pick on me specifically about my own history... They're talking about weapons, and lynching, and about how they're speaking for the victims of sexual assault.

And if I hadn't been blocked from the discussions, I would scream at them for the presumption of DARING to speak for me. How DARE they!!!

A man who, as a boy, made my life a living hell through victim blaming has BLOCKED ME FROM POSTING ON HIS PAGE so he can talk about "justice for victims" without dissenting voices.

I want to let all this go, but I can't let this go. I CANNOT let this GO, not from that community of all places. I have never been so angry in my adult life.

Spoiler

Show

I have devolved to screaming insults against some of the people in question, and if they were physically in front of me it would be a struggle to not physically strike them. I am not feeling noble in the least, I just feel sick... I don't need to be told I'm doing what's right, or that I'm a good person, I just want it to STOP. I want to not have to constantly struggle to do what's right, I want people to stop making it hard to do so, I want people to stop stirring that pot, I want people to stop making me be the bigger person, I want to scream and vent my rage physically on something breakable. I want to not be in the position of defending a monster from monsters because of principle.

I HATE people. I hate constantly worrying about whether the people I talk to are the good ones or the monsters. I hate all of the things that people have done to me, I hate that I am called a monster for advocating forgiveness or at worst avoidance for a being out of my blackest nightmares, I hate that right when I had a moment of real happiness, when I think I've escaped and put all this behind me I'm dragged back into this cycle, I hate that when I was growing up, when I was happy, when I liked people, I took a detour straight through twisted because I reached out to the wrong person, I hate that I still don't know how to deal with people in a positive way consistently...

I HATE ALL THIS.

I'm all cried out, the shakes have stopped, I'm gonna try to sleep again, and hope it's better in the morning...

Thank you so much, everyone... This community, right here, has done more to help me than anything else. This community helped me sort through all my confusion about my own identity as nobody else ever could, you've been here for me through the worst and the best... If it weren't for this community, I'd never have met the love of my life. This community has kept me sane, kept me connected to the world when I was most isolated, and there's nothing I can do to properly express how much it means, both in the abstract and to some of you in particular. Thanks for everything, and I'll see you tomorrow, and the day after, and so on.

Sleep well, Golly. I know you don't feel good, but I am incredibly proud of what you're doing here and proud to be able to call you a friend. Even if it's not perfect, even if you think you're just filled with anger and hate and negativity, you ARE doing the right thing and you're trying desperately to get other people to see it. To quote some of the Giant's excellent writing here, whether you succeed or fail does not diminish the nobility of your effort.

[Tyndmyr]

I'm not a good person. I am an ANGRY person. All I'm doing is desperately trying to channel that into something nondestructive right now so that I don't drown in it.

The one does not prevent the other. There is such a thing as justified anger.

I do agree that sometimes, when it all gets to be too much, finding another unrelated activity to unwind with for a while can be quite a relief. Best wishes!

[Icewraith]

I'm not a good person. I am an ANGRY person. All I'm doing is desperately trying to channel that into something nondestructive right now so that I don't drown in it.

Speaking from personal experience, things we might say or type while extremely angry or frustrated that seem perfectly acceptable at the time may not actually come out right when read in a less agitated state. So it's entirely possible for you to be totally in the right AND have committed any number of social media faux pas at the same time. I don't know if that's actually the case, but I have seen it happen before.

One thing I would suggest, if causing some destruction would be cathartic but you don't want to wallow in rage and anger, avoid the angry music and hardcore reflex-based fighting/shooting games (you're probably a bit shaky) and play a MOBA or RTS or something semi-silly like Smash Bros. While there's plenty of destruction there's usually not a whole lot of actual gore, to avoid the more toxic elements of the gaming community you can pound the AI into dust instead (even if you group with people).

[noparlpf]

I'm all cried out, the shakes have stopped, I'm gonna try to sleep again, and hope it's better in the morning...

Thank you so much, everyone... This community, right here, has done more to help me than anything else. This community helped me sort through all my confusion about my own identity as nobody else ever could, you've been here for me through the worst and the best... If it weren't for this community, I'd never have met the love of my life. This community has kept me sane, kept me connected to the world when I was most isolated, and there's nothing I can do to properly express how much it means, both in the abstract and to some of you in particular. Thanks for everything, and I'll see you tomorrow, and the day after, and so on.

That's really rough. I don't even know what to say. I hope you feel better after sleeping. *hugs*?

[Anarion]

Speaking from personal experience, things we might say or type while extremely angry or frustrated that seem perfectly acceptable at the time may not actually come out right when read in a less agitated state. So it's entirely possible for you to be totally in the right AND have committed any number of social media faux pas at the same time. I don't know if that's actually the case, but I have seen it happen before.

One thing I would suggest, if causing some destruction would be cathartic but you don't want to wallow in rage and anger, avoid the angry music and hardcore reflex-based fighting/shooting games (you're probably a bit shaky) and play a MOBA or RTS or something semi-silly like Smash Bros. While there's plenty of destruction there's usually not a whole lot of actual gore, to avoid the more toxic elements of the gaming community you can pound the AI into dust instead (even if you group with people).

You'd recommend a MOBA to someone trying to get over being angry? I'm not sure you've played many MOBAs.

[golentan]

The hits kept coming today, so I went ahead and had an emergency therapy session and I'm cutting facebook out of my life for a couple days at least. I'm gonna ask that folks move on and be happy, and I'm gonna try to do the same.

On which note, watching the Daily Show's month of Zen it's amazing how far and how fast LGBT issues have come in the past 12 years... I'm glad to be alive in this time, and I hope I've played a part however small in the change we've seen!

[Absol197]

The hits kept coming today, so I went ahead and had an emergency therapy session and I'm cutting facebook out of my life for a couple days at least. I'm gonna ask that folks move on and be happy, and I'm gonna try to do the same.

On which note, watching the Daily Show's month of Zen it's amazing how far and how fast LGBT issues have come in the past 12 years... I'm glad to be alive in this time, and I hope I've played a part however small in the change we've seen!

I don't know about the cultural changes we've seen on the issue, but you've had a huge part to play in my life. You (among a lot of other people here) helped me find who I am, and helped lift me out of my darkness several times. I would not be where I am today without you, Golly, and for that, I cannot thank you enough .

That goes exactly the same for quite a few other people here, too. You know who you are, so I'm not going to name names (unless you want me to, that is ).


~Phoenix~

[Heliomance]

So I've got to the point where I can look in the mirror in my underwear, and not be able to see anything but a woman

[Lissou]

Grats! :) I'm glad you can see what we all know here :)

[Absol197]

So I've got to the point where I can look in the mirror in my underwear, and not be able to see anything but a woman

Lucky! I can't do that, yet...

But good on you! That's a major milestone!

How is the hormonization going, by-the-by? And fun and exciting changes yet?

[Heliomance]

Lucky! I can't do that, yet...

But good on you! That's a major milestone!

How is the hormonization going, by-the-by? And fun and exciting changes yet?

I have boobs! Small ones, but actual real boobs! That's about all I've noticed so far by way of physical changes. Maybe some facial shape softening? If so it's subtle.

[Lissou]

I have boobs! Small ones, but actual real boobs! That's about all I've noticed so far by way of physical changes. Maybe some facial shape softening? If so it's subtle.

Often facial changes aren't obvious unless you take pictures in a very similar pose. And even then, each picture may look about the same as the next, but when you compare the first and last you can see the changes.

Yay for boobs! A friend of mine also has boobs now and she's really happy about it. I think it's probably one of the most obvious changes since a lot of other changes are more subtle and less easy to track/measure.

[Grytorm]

Congratulations. I have small fatty boobs. Sometimes they are nice. Good luck Heliomance. With stuff or something.

Also I feel a bit down. But whatever.

[golentan]

Congratulations. I have small fatty boobs. Sometimes they are nice. Good luck Heliomance. With stuff or something.

Also I feel a bit down. But whatever.

Please be well! You're a good person and I like you!

[Grytorm]

Please be well! You're a good person and I like you!

Okay, and thank you. I'm doing fine overall. Just a little down. To tired to come up with some witty cheerful comment so sleep well everyone.