Relationship Woes and Advice

[Koga]

Meh, the whole situation reminds me of Marilyn Manson's "fight".

I know they suffocate you more than the passing of everyday human events
And isolation is the oxygen mask you're making children breath into to survive
But I'm not a slave to god that doesn't exist
And I'm not a slave to world that doesn't give a ****

And when we were good
You just close your eyes
So when we are bad
We'll scar your minds

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

You'll never grow up to be a big rock star
Celebrated victim of your fame
Just cut our wrists like cheap coupons
And say that "death was on sale today"

And when we were good
You just close your eyes
So when we are bad
We'll scar your minds

But I'm not a slave to god that doesn't exist
And I'm not a slave to world that doesn't give a ****

The death of one is a tragedy
The death of one is a tragedy
The death of one is a tragedy
The death of a million is just a statistic

But I'm not a slave to god that doesn't exist
And I'm not a slave to world that doesn't give a ****
But I'm not a slave to god that doesn't exist
And I'm not a slave to world that doesn't give a ****

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

I rather like the egoism. It's alot more sastisfactionary then selflessness. I get the same amount of treatment, for a less amount of expendeture.

That's profit.

[zeratul]

Hello, Kettle? Yes, this is Pot. You are black. :P

Syka, simply put you rock.

[Logic]

I will not admit to liking you.

I have to agree. And it takes alot for me to admit to not liking someone.

Hello, Kettle? Yes, this is Pot. You are black. :P

Syka, simply put you rock.

Again, I agree.

Koga, I can decipher nothing from your posts that don't imply that females are nothing more that tools for your amusement.

[zeratul]

Theres a song about that Logic, to quote it,

"This one goes out to the one I love, this one goes out to the one I've left behind, a simple prop, to occupy my time, this one goes out to the one I love"

[The Great Skenardo]

Koga, I can decipher nothing from your posts that don't imply that females are nothing more that tools for your amusement.

Or an equation. Or an economics problem.

[Tomkin]

Um, hi, first post here (despite a month-old account), I have a heck of an awkward problem here. Not romantic in nature, but awkward in a possibly life-threatening kind of way. Unless I'm overreacting, but in my (admittedly limited) experience when the word "suicide" is mentioned there is no such thing as overreacting.

See, I go to retreats with my religious group about 5-6 times a year. That's where I get a lot of my social contact. Of course since these only happen so infrequently, my retreat friends and I communicate over e-mail. The retreats are separated by age and I just finished 8th grade, meaning that I will be leaving this age group with about 10 of my buddies.

A friend of mine is one year younger than me (she's 13), but mostly has friends in my age group, including possibly a crush. She also gets a lot of her social contact at retreats. Sometime between the second-last and last retreats of the year, she became very depressed and suicidal, possibly because said friends will be leaving for the next age group. The details of this misadventure are quite hazy due to her (understandably) not wanting to talk about it, but she is over it now (she tells me, and I have no reason to disbelieve her, until now that is...)

However, I just heard from her over e-mail saying (loosely paraphrased) "Things aren't going well but whatever and I just saved a friend from committing suicide..."

Cue in alarm bells. Now this girl has it quite rough; her parents are divorced and she has to shuttle between Massachusetts and Colorado periodically. She also has some self-esteem difficulties and suffers from depression (well, duh). So something about this situation (repeated mention of suicide, maybe?) is giving me an icky feeling that something's about to blow, and I want to do everything I can to stop it, as the only person from retreats who lives within commuting distance of her. I'm debating asking our retreat coordinator, because she is a wonderful person and very understanding, but that has the potential to be even more awkward than it is now...

... so, umm...

help?

(I will try to furnish as many details as possible if there's anything I forgot, but I may not be able to tell you some things as not only do I have limited experience with her but she is very shy and reluctant to open up.)

[The Great Skenardo]

Oof. That's a real problem, all right.

Depression is never something to be handled lightly...but I think that it's your duty as a friend to try and make sure she isn't going to start hurting herself. At first, I'd recommend just spending more time around her; drop by her house or invite her along to do stuff. You might be able to get a better sense of her mental state that way. If you think that she's seriously contemplating suicide or that her depression is getting out her hands, by all means, get the coordinator involved. The important thing is to make sure that she knows that there's at least one person watching out for her, and someone who cares.

If she hasn't sought professional help for her depression, I'd recommend that as well.

Good luck...

[Zeb The Troll]

Tomkin,

First, you're absolutely right not to ignore your ucomfortable feelings about what you're hearing. Best case scenario is that you overreacted and maybe you'll both feel a little silly later. But far worse is the case where you don't trust your gut and something terrible happens.

Given the resources you say you have available to you, I'd say, off the top of my head, that it's in everyone's best interests to contact this retreat coordinator you mentioned as quickly as possible and fill her in on everything you know.

As wise and wonderful as most of us think we are, what we are not is trained professionals (well, some of us are and I'm sure they'll qualify themselves if need be in response to this) and we are not where you are. Your coordinator is likely to have the tools available to get to the bottom of things where your friend is concerned.

Don't worry about awkwardness. While it may get that way, if nothing else this should show your friend that you care about what happens to her and if she gets upset now, she'll likely forgive you in the near future. If she doesn't, at least you can be confident in the knowledge that you did what you could to make sure she's around to be mad at you.

Good luck to you both.

[zeratul]

Well Zeb, we might wanna see how well she can work through it. If she falls deeper, then call the coordinator, if not, wait. Talk to her about medication, and or therapy.

[Syka]

Ok. Lets put it this way. Maybe he wasn't so different from my ex.

...I think I just lost someone I thought was a good friend.

I didn't expect this. Even with the other night...I didn't expect this. *shakes head before heading off to bed*

Cheers,
Syka

[Hell Puppi]

Wow, Syka, I'd offer some heartfelt advice but I'm defiantly not a person for that.
Tell us what happened when yah feel up to it. We'll listen to the venting.

[Zeb The Troll]

Well Zeb, we might wanna see how well she can work through it. If she falls deeper, then call the coordinator, if not, wait. Talk to her about medication, and or therapy.

I understand where you're coming from with this, Zeratul, but I disagree. Tomkin said in his post that he's going into the 9th grade. This hardly gives him the necessary tools be assessing her mental condition. This is a job for a professional.

Depressed people are notoriously evasive and dishonest with even their closest confidants when it comes to how they feel. Therapists, pshychologists, phsychiatrists, etcetera, are all trained to read between the lines. Even a camp/school counselor has some training to be able to make that determination and would therefore be a better judge than a 14 or 15 year old, no matter how wise they are.

This friend has already been suicidal. There may not be any warning "if she falls deeper". I stand by my advice. Acting now will not make the situation worse. Waiting could.

EDIT: @Syka - I'm really sorry to hear that. All I can offer you is a *hug* and my support in any way that I can.

[zeratul]

You have helped me and given me advice on my sitch countless times so. *hugs* I'm really soory syka. You'l always have us though at least I hope you can reconcile things. And if not I hope you mkae new freinds

Depressed people are notoriously evasive and dishonest with even their closest confidants when it comes to how they feel. Therapists, pshychologists, phsychiatrists, etcetera, are all trained to read between the lines. Even a camp/school counselor has some training to be able to make that determination and would therefore be a better judge than a 14 or 15 year old, no matter how wise they are.

Well as a depressed person, I know this to be true. Maybe you are right.

[Koga]

See, I go to retreats with my religious group about 5-6 times a year.

Do you have to feed the homeless? I did when I went to the salvation army. It was horrible.

A friend of mine is one year younger than me (she's 13), but mostly has friends in my age group, including possibly a crush. She also gets a lot of her social contact at retreats. Sometime between the second-last and last retreats of the year, she became very depressed and suicidal, possibly because said friends will be leaving for the next age group.

That's a stupid thing to get sucidal about. Dissapointed maybe, but suicidal? Comeon..

Blahblahblah
... so, umm...

help?

I see no problem. Typical 13 year old girl full of angst and hormones. She'll be fine.

If it worries you that much, offer to date her. That's really all girls her age want is attention. They're like friggin emo vampires man.

[Hell Puppi]

^Do0d your just TRYING now.....
Do you need attention or something? I can scratch your head like a puppy if it'll make you feel better....

[Koga]

^Do0d your just TRYING now.....
Do you need attention or something? I can scratch your head like a puppy if it'll make you feel better....

Actually on a related note i'm a bit happier because I found a new girlfriend.

Her name is Angelica.

And you might ask "But Koga, it hasn't even been an hour!"


Well, I have mad skillz what can I say?

[zeratul]

Actually on a related note i'm a bit happier because I found a new girlfriend.

Her name is Angelica.

And you might ask "But Koga, it hasn't even been an hour!"


Well, I have mad skillz what can I say?

Excuse my blatansy. How the hell do you keep girlfriends if you just use them accept for occassionally.(no offense, but that's what i've gathered from you're last posts)

[Koga]

Excuse my blatansy. How the hell do you keep girlfriends if you just use them accept for occassionally.(no offense, but that's what i've gathered from you're last posts)

Who said anything about keeping them? Getting them is easy, keeping them's the hard-part lol!

Longest girlfriend I ever had was probably about five months.

Most of which was spent her ranting about how I didn't understand her feelings and didn't even try, blahblahblah lol!


Really people can't say i'm mean. I don't go out of my way to hurt feelings. But for some reason society, especialy girls, hate apathy.

[Amotis]

Most of which was spent her ranting about how I didn't understand her feelings and didn't even try, blahblahblah lol!

...dude, are you reading what you're typing?

[Hell Puppi]

*rubs head* counseling...
I can understand being angry, man, but your trolling looking for someone to flame you.
Is more negativity really what you need?

[Koga]

I've deeply considerd going to a doctor, I think I do have a retardation of the insula partof my brain. Which deals with receptive emotions. (Your reaction to emotional things)


I'm handicap. Gimme money and good parking lol!

[Koga]

*rubs head* counseling...
I can understand being angry, man, but your trolling looking for someone to flame you.
Is more negativity really what you need?

What? Troll? I'm trying to share my thoughts with you.

Geez. Sorry.

[Amotis]

"blahblahblah lol" isn't apathy. That's being mean.

[Koga]

I think i'll invite Angelica. She's seen a side of me that i'm not very good at expressing otherwise.

The only other person who's seen it is Medesha/Amber lol.

[Xykon_Fan]

Look, Koga, you just need to lighten up, okay? You're being incredibly insulting to many people on this board. Has it occurred to you that many of the girls on this board are in that age range you just called "friggin emo vampires" and that they might not be pleasant after you call them that?

We're fine with you posting advice, but your advice isn't advice. It's typically a string of insults one after the other, and what little advice you did give (date her?!?) is not helpful. If you want attention, please go somewhere else, but you're pretty much spamming this thread now and derailing all of us. While you haven't done anything against forum rules yet (I checked), you're coming very close and driving away the people who might actually need help.

[Koga]

Look, Koga, you just need to lighten up, okay? You're being incredibly insulting to many people on this board. Has it occurred to you that many of the girls on this board are in that age range you just called "friggin emo vampires" and that they might not be pleasant after you call them that?

...That really never occured to me. I suppose that would be insulting. I'm not sure. I wouldn't personaly insult, I like most of you lol.

We're fine with you posting advice, but your advice isn't advice. It's typically a string of insults one after the other, and what little advice you did give (date her?!?) is not helpful. If you want attention, please go somewhere else, but you're pretty much spamming this thread now and derailing all of us. While you haven't done anything against forum rules yet (I checked), you're coming very close and driving away the people who might actually need help.

My bad. I'll try harder to be helpful instead of getting distracted by rantings.

[Xykon_Fan]

That'd be awesome...thanks Koga. Just read over your post before you submit it and ask yourself if you would like this response to your own post.

I'm sure you're actually an okay guy just sadly misrepresenting yourself.

[Serpentine]

It's kinda interesting, really... Normally it seems like people manage to put a better face on here, appear more caring, thoughtful, friendly etc. than you might in the real world (not necessarily that you're not those things really, it's just easier to express online). Koga, on the other hand, really manages to come off as a real... well, not a very nice person. The word I was going to use would probably get me into trouble, though I'm trying to refer to the persona rather than the person. Anyway, from what he writes, it almost seems like he's a nicer person in real life than online. It's... odd, and vaguely intriguing

Syka, what happened to all that optimism? Just the late-night blues or has something changed?

[Pyrian]

Tomkin, I agree with the people who are saying you should get an adult professional involved. From what little you said I'm not convinced of the case for making drama, though; you're really not in a position to do or know much, and you can do damage by overreacting.

...so the number of girls who actually approach guys they like and ask them are bound to be much less than the number of guys who do the same.

QFT. I'm 33 years old. I've been asked out exactly once (at 22) - and she went out with almost all of my friends first. Heh, I think I'd've been kind of insulted if I'd been skipped entirely.

Personally, I tend to disagree with all "one size fits all" (OSFA) solutions. I mean, the closest one I actually liked was "Be yourself - intensely", which is kind of cool precisely because it's not really an OSFA solution in the first place. (It also makes a lot of sense: if you want to attract people who like you the way you are, you need to "shine" that inner self as brightly as possible so they'll know!) That being said, for guys in our society, I'd take the "Always Go For It" OSFA over the "Stop Trying" OSFA any day - at least then you've got a chance, and sooner or later the numbers game will work in your favor.

[The Great Skenardo]

I agree with Pyrian on this one. Get involved, but be tactful and don't flip out over it.
But do get involved. The worst thing someone in that position can feel is isolation. One good friend can make all the difference.