Personal Woes and Advice 4

[WolfLordBran]

Update: After meeting with the professor like 5 times and studying until my eyes bled, I took the final today. 12 questions on it covering miraculously, all the stuff I knew. There are a few things I might get some points knocked off for- like was it sposed to be the H2SO4 or the CH3OH that reacted first, that kind of stuff, but I'm 99% sure I passed the final. So that plus corrections and labs should be enough to pass, even with a test average of 47 for the other three tests. I'll know either in a couple weeks when grades or posted or if I get a letter saying I didn't pass. Either way.

[The Fury]

Well, I may have some good news-- I'm pretty sure that my benefits from work kick in next month. Maybe. If the change in company ownership didn't affect it. Hopefully I can go in for psychiatric evaluation, hopefully it'll help.

Also, it looks like I'll have New Year's Eve off. Yet I feel like lying to my family and friends and telling them that I have to work, then go somewhere where I'd be alone. I have no idea why this was my first thought, I did this on the Fourth of July as well and it ended up making me feel awful. I think that's what bothers me most of all-- that I know doing something will make me miserable, yet I keep doing it. I'm not sure, does that qualify as self-destructive behavior? I honestly don't know.

[Comrade]

I've been thinking of taking time off from school to work. My folks have been nagging at me to get a job but as always don't realise that I just don't have the energy these days to perform adequately at school and at work, to say nothing of maintaining hobbies outside of those. They're also vehemently opposed to me taking time off from college, unfortunately, but I think at a certain point I've got to assert that I can live my own life and make my own decisions if I need to. Not like I'm a stellar student on the path to greatness as it is.

Venting aside... has anybody taken time from school to work? Would it be a catastrophically bad idea?

[Red Fel]

Also, it looks like I'll have New Year's Eve off. Yet I feel like lying to my family and friends and telling them that I have to work, then go somewhere where I'd be alone. I have no idea why this was my first thought, I did this on the Fourth of July as well and it ended up making me feel awful. I think that's what bothers me most of all-- that I know doing something will make me miserable, yet I keep doing it. I'm not sure, does that qualify as self-destructive behavior? I honestly don't know.

Are you feeling bad because you're doing something that makes you unhappy? Or are you feeling bad because you're feeling guilty, like you think you're supposed to feel bad?

First step is to figure out what about your actions is making you feel bad. If it's the actions themselves, change the actions. If it's how you look at the actions, change your perspective.

I've been thinking of taking time off from school to work. My folks have been nagging at me to get a job but as always don't realise that I just don't have the energy these days to perform adequately at school and at work, to say nothing of maintaining hobbies outside of those. They're also vehemently opposed to me taking time off from college, unfortunately, but I think at a certain point I've got to assert that I can live my own life and make my own decisions if I need to. Not like I'm a stellar student on the path to greatness as it is.

Venting aside... has anybody taken time from school to work? Would it be a catastrophically bad idea?

I asked a question of The Fury, and I'll ask one of you. Be honest: When you say "taking time off from school to work," is this a "Let me take a few months and figure myself out" thing, or an "I'll come back to school, maybe, someday, perhaps" thing?

The former isn't a bad idea. I'm a big fan of people taking time either before or after university to mature and grow a bit before doing whatever it is they end up doing. Having a plan, and taking a break before executing it in order to figure out who you are and what you want, is perfectly reasonable. Many schools have programs for taking a semester or year off, either to work or study abroad or something in that vein. This ensures that you will have an enrollment space ready upon your return. If your school has that option, consider taking advantage of it.

The latter is procrastination. Taking a break because you don't want to deal with school right now is a risk if there's a chance you won't come back and finish it. That's not to say that people haven't been successful after dropping out, but your terminology isn't the phrasing of someone who's dropping out. If anything, it's the terminology of someone who doesn't want to drop out. You refer to it as taking time off; that says to me you're opposed to dropping out. As such, if you're considering time off, be sure it's actually time off, with an explicit plan to return in a semester or so. Otherwise, it's just dropping out without calling it that, and I don't think you want to do that.

But first step is figuring out what you're actually doing - are you taking some time to straighten out your life and priorities, or are you just going to drop it and maybe come back to it later?

[Comrade]

It's the former. I definitely have a lot I need to work through right now, pertaining to mental health and otherwise, and the time away from school would give me an opportunity to gather my bearings outside the endless stress of school so that I can return to my studies somewhat functional (not to mention it'd be nice to have a source of income, however meagre). As for programs for taking time off... that'd be ideal, I'll ask around, but I can't seem to find anything regarding that for my school.

[Red Fel]

It's the former. I definitely have a lot I need to work through right now, pertaining to mental health and otherwise, and the time away from school would give me an opportunity to gather my bearings outside the endless stress of school so that I can return to my studies somewhat functional (not to mention it'd be nice to have a source of income, however meagre). As for programs for taking time off... that'd be ideal, I'll ask around, but I can't seem to find anything regarding that for my school.

Many schools have, by way of example, an externship or work practice program, where you can use work experience to qualify for a limited amount of academic credit. Alternatively, speak with admissions about the possibility of taking a hiatus or interim semester, where they sort of suspend your attendance for a period of time. But yes, if you feel strongly about taking the time off, and you're serious about returning, it's definitely worth looking into.

[Mascara]

Can't you stop now and come back like nothing happend? Or there is like bureaucracy involved?

[Comrade]

Many schools have, by way of example, an externship or work practice program, where you can use work experience to qualify for a limited amount of academic credit. Alternatively, speak with admissions about the possibility of taking a hiatus or interim semester, where they sort of suspend your attendance for a period of time. But yes, if you feel strongly about taking the time off, and you're serious about returning, it's definitely worth looking into.

Haven't found anything indicative of a work practice program, so it'll probably be speaking with admissions. Really the major problem is not getting the time off itself so much as dealing with the inevitable disapproval from my folks which'll be a hassle.

Can't you stop now and come back like nothing happend? Or there is like bureaucracy involved?

Alas, there's always bureaucracy involved.

[Red Fel]

Haven't found anything indicative of a work practice program, so it'll probably be speaking with admissions. Really the major problem is not getting the time off itself so much as dealing with the inevitable disapproval from my folks which'll be a hassle.

So come armed for bear. When you talk to your folks, tell them your findings. Let them know that the school will hold your place open for you. Tell them you need this, in order to build your confidence, to establish a small nest egg of funds, and to generally grow and mature. Tell them that, in a semester's time, you'll be able to return to school, more mature, more confident, and more prepared to take advantage of an education.

Be straight with them, and tell them that by taking the time off now, you'll be better able to get the most out of your education later.

If they're reasonable, they may be a bit frustrated, but it's a sound argument. Because it's true. With the confidence, the income, and the maturity you'll get, you will be able to get more out of your education. Hopefully, they'll hear that.

[Comrade]

Yep, that's pretty much the idea, and what I plan to do once I actually have a job in the bag. Speaking of which, I have a job interview on Friday. First one I've ever done. Pretty nerve-wracking.

[dehro]

Yep, that's pretty much the idea, and what I plan to do once I actually have a job in the bag. Speaking of which, I have a job interview on Friday. First one I've ever done. Pretty nerve-wracking.

If the interviewer says or asks something you don't understand, don't be afraid to ask for clarifications. You'd look dumber if you made an out of place comment or didn't react at all.

[Cristo Meyers]

If the interviewer says or asks something you don't understand, don't be afraid to ask for clarifications. You'd look dumber if you made an out of place comment or didn't react at all.

This. Questions when on an interview are almost always good things to have, even if you're like me and don't really have any to ask. They're a great way to indicate to the interviewer 'hey, I'm here and I'm really interested and want this job.'

You, my friend, should go read some of my personal relationship guru's words on the topic, namely about being pressured to forgive abusive parents, and dealing with siblings who are more positively inclined towards such parents.

I just spent the last 3 days archive-binging the hell out of that site. I both love and hate you so much right now

[Comrade]

Misunderstanding questions isn't as much of a concern since most of them are likely to be of the 'Tell me about a situation in which you _______' variety. It's mostly just coming up with answers that aren't cliche, or resisting the temptation to answer 'Why do you want to work here' with 'Well, I never really do business here and I can't actually stand coffee, but I need the job and you called, so...' (on top of having the social acumen of a boulder).

[Red Fel]

Misunderstanding questions isn't as much of a concern since most of them are likely to be of the 'Tell me about a situation in which you _______' variety. It's mostly just coming up with answers that aren't cliche, or resisting the temptation to answer 'Why do you want to work here' with 'Well, I never really do business here and I can't actually stand coffee, but I need the job and you called, so...' (on top of having the social acumen of a boulder).

Interviewing is a skill. It's not about getting the right answers, it's about how you present them. A lot of employers don't ask the usual cliches anymore. They ask things like "What's the last book you've read?" or "What kind of music do you listen to?" That's because of the job market. There are plenty of people qualified for and applying for a given job, so what they're looking for isn't just the skill list - that's already in your resume - but personal compatibility. If you get the interview, they already know you have the skills, they want to know if you have a personal fit.

With that in mind, just relax. Be professional - don't be coarse, or too informal - but relax. It's a conversation. Smile, talk, be pleasant, and just demonstrate the kind of employee, coworker, or colleague you'll be if hired. Be the person they want to see in the office each day.

You might not get your first interview. Or your second. That's fine; it's not like there's a secret record of your personal failings. Interviewing is frustrating, but you'd be surprised how quickly you can get the hang of it. And each time, you learn from it. You get more confident, more relaxed, more glib.

One bit of advice - don't let it rest on a "no." If you don't get the response you want, for example if you get "Thank you, but I don't think you're what we have in mind," always follow it up with a question. "Thanks, I appreciate your time, but do you know of any positions for which I might be qualified?" is an option. Another, if they're particularly friendly towards you, is "Thank you for your time. Do you know of anyone else who might be hiring?" This latter is particularly good with friends or acquaintances who probably would have wanted to hire you, but can't for whatever reason. Most people aren't total jerks, and feel a little bad about saying no, particularly if you're a good sport. Use that, and see if they can't give you a lead before you walk out the door.

And remember: You only need one "Yes."

[Comrade]

Interviewing is a skill. It's not about getting the right answers, it's about how you present them. A lot of employers don't ask the usual cliches anymore. They ask things like "What's the last book you've read?" or "What kind of music do you listen to?"

I'd be delighted to get those kinds of questions. Too bad googling 'Starbucks interview questions' mostly gets behavioural/situational questions-- not that those are all that bad, I can think of answers for them. I guess it's just general nerves/pessimism/conviction that I'll **** up since it's my first interview and all that.

[dehro]

I'll share my first interview, for fun..And to explain where my advice came from... I hope this doesn't run foul of the forum rules.
A little context: I'm half Italian and half Dutch, I live in Italy, a country with absolute predominance of catholics. The interview was for a position in a commercial office, for a company trading in jewellery and precious stones.
It was to be held in English.
I get to the office. As I walk in a man walks out dressed in the typical attire of an orthodox jew. As I look around I can tell that the business is run by Jews.
The man holding the interview wears a yarmulke. We chat easily and have what seems to be a perfect interview, their demands and my qualifications lining up fairly well.
Then he asks a question I don't quite understand, so instead of asking for a clarification I mumble something inconsequential.
The interview ends on something of a low vibe.
As I walk out, I get the feeling I won't be called back with an offer.
As I get out of the building I rework the question in my head and realise the man had asked if it would have bothered me to work in a predominantly Jewish environment and to get my holidays and hours accomodating for Jewish festivities.
Clearly he didn't like the mumbled answer.

The punchline, such as it is?
I'm jewish myself.
...And no, I didn't get the job

[TechnOkami]

~snip~

So, what you're saying is...

...you did nazi that coming, am I reich?

[Serpentine]

Dood. No.

My dad told me something pretty useful ahead of my last interview: If they've called you in for an interview they're already pretty sure you can do the job. They want to know HOW you'd do the job.

[Red Fel]

I'd be delighted to get those kinds of questions. Too bad googling 'Starbucks interview questions' mostly gets behavioural/situational questions-- not that those are all that bad, I can think of answers for them. I guess it's just general nerves/pessimism/conviction that I'll **** up since it's my first interview and all that.

Know what happens if you asterisk it up? You asterisk it up, walk down the block, and interview in the Starbucks that is inevitably less than twenty feet from the first one. Like I said, it's a skill, and you get better at it. You'll probably be nervous at first, and that's fine. The important thing is that you shouldn't be nervous about being nervous. And worst case, you thank them for their time and move on to the next interview, which will go better because you're getting used to it.

My dad told me something pretty useful ahead of my last interview: If they've called you in for an interview they're already pretty sure you can do the job. They want to know HOW you'd do the job.

This precisely. Interviews are stage two or three of the process, after they've determined that your resume demonstrates adequate skill. At this point, it's not about showing the skills, it's about showing the personality and willingness to work hard.

[dehro]

So, what you're saying is...

...you did nazi that coming, am I reich?

Indeed I did not.

[Comrade]

Well, interview happened. Not sure how well it went, which at least is better than ****ing it up abysmally and knowing for sure I messed up. It was very short-- six minutes or so-- with maybe five questions along with some follow ups. I think I avoided seeming too anxious or jittery (I guess I get anxious before I do something but while I'm doing it I'm too focused on doing it to consciously panic :v), and she said 'perfect' after a lot of my answers, which I'm not sure if that's because my answers were absolutely amazing and totally what they were looking for or if that's just a habit of hers. Either way, she said they'd call sometime in the coming week.

[Astrella]

Hope you get a positive reply. :)

[dehro]

Well, interview happened. Not sure how well it went, which at least is better than ****ing it up abysmally and knowing for sure I messed up. It was very short-- six minutes or so-- with maybe five questions along with some follow ups. I think I avoided seeming too anxious or jittery (I guess I get anxious before I do something but while I'm doing it I'm too focused on doing it to consciously panic :v), and she said 'perfect' after a lot of my answers, which I'm not sure if that's because my answers were absolutely amazing and totally what they were looking for or if that's just a habit of hers. Either way, she said they'd call sometime in the coming week.

I forgot to mention another bit of advice... When you're done, you are allowed to ask your interviewer how it went, in fact some take it as an ulterior manifestation of interest towards the job. A decent interviewer would give you a bit of feedback. It may give you a sense of whether you did well or not. Of course someone else may do just as well and have a better CV but at least you would know if and where you ****ed up... And If you didn't, you'd know not to blame yourself should you not get the job.
It's something for your next interview, I guess, should there be one

[Serpentine]

I had one interviewer specifically book time after an interview for a job I didn't get to talk to me about how my interview went and gave me some really good feedback. So yeah, asking for feedback is always good.

[Comrade]

I'll bear that in mind next time.

Well, they still haven't called back. Hoping it's just because of the holidays and all that.

[lurkmeister]

Strangely, the only interview I've ever had that led to a job was one I did not care remotely about.

It was an interview at Walmart that I was really just working on practicing going through the formalities.

It's very frustrating.

When I was fresh out of college doing my first phone interviews, I had this annoying habit of talking my way into a job ... and then talking my way right back out of it. In the same interview. I've gotten better, much better, at phone interviews -- which I am now much more able to be consistently successful at -- but I still struggle with in-person interviews.

But it sucks. It really sucks. I've come in #2 on several job hunts, for various reasons. Better-qualified candidates, usually. But how can you get yourself better qualified if you can't get your foot in the door? Surprisingly enough, I've had positions email me when somebody else fills them ... and that's the first communication with me they've had since I submitted my application. I've had interviews where I've spent half the day at the office and met half the staff and still didn't get the job. To this day, there is one, and only one, possible achievement I haven't unlocked in some five years of job hunting.

An offer.

[runehawk]

I am being screwed over by my landlords in more ways than one. Since I'm not native to this country, I have contacted a charity that is set up to help tenants. Their advice boils down to "yup, you're screwed". Apparently there's a quirk in the law that lets landlords get away with it. I'm sorry for not going into detail. I might do so later, but right now, I'm just too emotionally exhausted.

I've contacted solicitors, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. There's a free legal aid thing I'm going to in a few days, but I'm not very optimistic. There is a very real possibility that my kids and I will end up homeless in a few months' time, unless we miraculously find a landlord who is willing to accept a tenant without a reference.

At some points I feel angry that a situation like this can arise in a developed country. Or vindictive towards my landlords. Mostly though, I'm just oddly numb.

Thanks for reading. I'll gladly accept your prayers, e-hugs and well-wishes.

E-hug for you Taffi. Hope the new year brings you better tidings.

[Sholos]

I found out today while trying to find something to actually do tonight rather than just sit on my couch alone that some of my friends are having a party and that I wasn't invited. Bleh. I know it's pretty self-centered to feel bad about not being invited, but it still doesn't feel good.

[JNAProductions]

I found out today while trying to find something to actually do tonight rather than just sit on my couch alone that some of my friends are having a party and that I wasn't invited. Bleh. I know it's pretty self-centered to feel bad about not being invited, but it still doesn't feel good.

*Offers e-hugs*

I'm sorry. That does kinda suck. Any chance you can phone a friend and show up anyway?

[WolfLordBran]

Welp, despite all my hard work, I got zogg'd. Failed Organic by a couple of points and my options are- go again and take it next year, hoping I pass both times so I graduate six years after starting a four year degree. Or.... since I've taken enough history classes to be within 9 courses of completing a history major, switch to that and be done after a semester and a half. Really leaning towards that. Since my college has been about as useful as a bump on a log for actually getting me any help. So yeah... either way I'm zogg'd big time.