LGBTAI+ #57 Infinity: I Love You, Always Forever

[Sobol]

Military boots + camo pants + exquisite 19th century diamond tiara + matching necklace = AWESOME
People will be very confused :)

[golentan]

Sorry, I should have been more specific. The goal I'm going for is that somebody I meet on the street will have difficulty assigning a binary gender to me. I hadn't thought much about being provocative, so I suppose it's not terribly important to me.

I'm male, if it makes a difference.

I recommend mid length (between ears and shoulder) hair with moderate styling, a loose shirt and loose pants possibly in pastel or gray, makeup to the extent of foundation on a clean shaven face, and flip-flops if weather permits. If you're just trying for "not sure," loose clothing avoiding clear markers is your friend, and you're going to need to throw some curve balls in your hairstyle. Using a scarf can help conceal any adam's apple or jaw-line issues. Grow nails out a little but don't lacquer them up. Remove any visible body or facial hair that shows when the ensemble has been assembled?

[Dire Moose]

Longish hair is really what makes it all work. I'm planning to go with a similar idea: hair even length-all around, down well past the ear but not as far as the shoulders. I already shave all my body hair, and wearing clothes that aren't keyed to a specific gender helps. Sweatshirts/suits, basic collarless T-shirts, jeans, etc. are good choices.

By the way, here's a pic of girl-me at last:

Spoiler: Girl Moose!

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I still need my hair to be longer on the sides though.

[Heliomance]

Spoiler: Surgery stuff

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Oh crap. I just realised that I forgot to ask about the necessity of electrolysis at my Charing Cross appointment, and my next appointment isn't for 6 months. Dammit! I'm fairly sure it's necessary for surgery, and a multi month procedure. That's going to delay me massively >_<

[Kittenwolf]

Spoiler: Surgery stuff

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Oh crap. I just realised that I forgot to ask about the necessity of electrolysis at my Charing Cross appointment, and my next appointment isn't for 6 months. Dammit! I'm fairly sure it's necessary for surgery, and a multi month procedure. That's going to delay me massively >_<

Boo :(
Your doc doesn't have an email that you can send a "Sorry! I forgot to ask X" query too? Surely they should be understanding that it's really easy to have important things dribble out of your brain when you're 'on the spot' so to speak.

[ArlEammon]

Hiyo. Greetings from Hotlandia.

Hey!!! ;)

How are you?

[Shadowscale]

Hey!!! ;)

How are you?

I'm well, a couple of us are camped out in AZ if you ever are looking for friends.

[ArlEammon]

I'm well, a couple of us are camped out in AZ if you ever are looking for friends.

Dating available?

[Grytorm]

Longish hair is really what makes it all work. I'm planning to go with a similar idea: hair even length-all around, down well past the ear but not as far as the shoulders. I already shave all my body hair, and wearing clothes that aren't keyed to a specific gender helps. Sweatshirts/suits, basic collarless T-shirts, jeans, etc. are good choices.

By the way, here's a pic of girl-me at last:

Spoiler: Girl Moose!

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I still need my hair to be longer on the sides though.

You look good. Once you grow your hair out and you will look great.

Sorry for putting off posting praise. I'm exhausted.

[JusticeZero]

Want to post a picture to get advice. Too dysphoric to do so. Ugh. Wish I could post an audio file. Much less dysphoric about my voice now, though I still need work on it.
Got a USB network adapter for the computer. It says it needs to access the Internet to finish the install. What.

[YossarianLives]

Thanks for all the advice, buds. I'm attempting to implement them already although growing my hair out will take some time. It's shocking how scary just dressing differently can be.

You look great Dire Moose!

[Ravens_cry]

Well, that's a little depressing. My older sister wants me to go as a man to her wedding, because she doesn't want my bio-dad freaking out and bringing on Drama™

[Shadowscale]

Well, that's a little depressing. My older sister wants me to go as a man to her wedding, because she doesn't want my bio-dad freaking out and bringing on Drama™

My solution would be not to go in that case, but that's me.

[goto124]

Bio-dad may also freak out on you not attending, too.

I'm so sorry about your circumstances.

[Dire Moose]

Thanks for all the advice, buds. I'm attempting to implement them already although growing my hair out will take some time. It's shocking how scary just dressing differently can be.

You look great Dire Moose!

Awww, thank you.

I'm only a few steps ahead of you, Masterkerfuffle, so no worries. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end.

[Ravens_cry]

My solution would be not to go in that case, but that's me.

I was considering the same thing, but . . .

Bio-dad may also freak out on you not attending, too.

I'm so sorry about your circumstances.

. . .Yeah, that's probably true.

[goto124]

Counter-solution: Try coming up with another reason to avoid it. Many people have done that for much pettier reasons than gender issues.

[JusticeZero]

Mis-misgendered by parents FIVE times and had a small girl ask if I was a boy or girl once. "Neither, I'm an enby." She seemed satisfied with the answer. By the time someone misgendered me on the radio, I didn't even care anymore.

[Kittenwolf]

Mis-misgendered by parents FIVE times and had a small girl ask if I was a boy or girl once. "Neither, I'm an enby." She seemed satisfied with the answer. By the time someone misgendered me on the radio, I didn't even care anymore.

:(
*Offers hugs*

That sucks
Kids tend to be pretty good with that kind of thing I think (which is pretty telling considering how often they ask "Why?").
Ouch on the repeated misgendering though. Ugh.



In local news I've just found out that my GP is taking a five week break over Christmas while changing which clinic she works at, so looks like my hormone start is going to be considerably delayed. Bugger.

[goto124]

JusticeZero, which pronoun do you prefer?

[Icewraith]

I was considering the same thing, but . . .

. . .Yeah, that's probably true.

A few things to consider:

1: Will there be an open bar?

2: Are you usually female in public now? What are the odds that you'll accidentally tip someone off who isn't in the know even if you do go as a male? What are the odds that someone else will screw it up for you in front of someone you haven't told yet?

3: How far off is the wedding? Assuming you're growing your hair out, how long will it be by then? How long will you have been on hormones? Will you even be able to convincingly pass as male at that time? If it's in like a week you might have to just bluff it out. If it's in eight months by the time you get there you might not be ABLE to bluff it out. Your body may have decided what it really wants to do with the new hormones is reconstruct the world trade center on your chest (additional funding provided by a generous donation from Murphy & Co Legal Services, Ltd).

If there's a reasonably short list of extended or estranged family members that don't know you're trans, now might be the time to out yourself well before the wedding. If there is drama, you can (hopefully) deal with it between those people and yourself without getting your sister involved. If things are a little strained at the wedding it will still be better than someone finding out, reacting badly, and causing a scene. Especially if (see point 1) there is alcohol present.

[JusticeZero]

JusticeZero, which pronoun do you prefer?

"They", but I'm also good with xe, ey, or alternating.

Ouch on the repeated misgendering though. Ugh.

Oh no, it was MIS-misgendering. So they were reading me as the binary that I was not assigned as. I'm non-binary, so as a rule I am almost never read correctly, and if I am, it's hard to notice people avoiding pronouns.

Kids tend to be pretty good with that kind of thing I think (which is pretty telling considering how often they ask "Why?")

My issue is usually with being corrected by parents, but the kid asked me when I was helping with a strap twenty feet away. I'm happy to not have been unprepared to answer though.

[Icewraith]

"They", but I'm also good with xe, ey, or alternating.
Oh no, it was MIS-misgendering. So they were reading me as the binary that I was not assigned as. I'm non-binary, so as a rule I am almost never read correctly, and if I am, it's hard to notice people avoiding pronouns. My issue is usually with being corrected by parents, but the kid asked me when I was helping with a strap twenty feet away. I'm happy to not have been unprepared to answer though.

Maybe they think you're early Trans, not non-binary?

[JusticeZero]

I'm not sure. I can't really think of many presentations that would communicate "enby" other than "beard and dress", and that combination makes my dysphoria scream incoherently and curl up in a ball in the corner. I can't do either of those, let alone both.
Anyways, I basically am early trans, just that my target is very androgynous and muted.

[Shadowscale]

I'm not sure. I can't really think of many presentations that would communicate "enby" other than "beard and dress", and that combination makes my dysphoria scream incoherently and curl up in a ball in the corner. I can't do either of those, let alone both.
Anyways, I basically am early trans, just that my target is very androgynous and muted.

How does one get society's acceptance of non-binary anyhow? It seems society is hyper focused on that of two genders.

[JusticeZero]

Dunno! Lots of places had or have more than two genders. There's no standard to them though. If we put a media representation of non-binary people that can be universally achieved out there and keep building on that, it should eventually be recognized.

Anyways, words.. Would "Awkgendered" fit better?

[Amazon]

I'm starting to think I've forgotten what just being generally happy felt like. Aside from a moment every now and then, I don't really feel happy any more, and it only lasts so long before it just gets swallowed right back up. I hope this gets better.

Is there anything this stranger from the net can do to help?

Also I remember your username but not your avatar. Did you change? What was your old one?

On a side note. A friend sent me a comic about body image, it is a fantasy comic about a female barbarian who identifies as a male. Does anyone know the name? The art looks great.

Spoiler: comic

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[Lissou]

On a side note. A friend sent me a comic about body image, it is a fantasy comic about a female barbarian who identifies as a male. Does anyone know the name? The art looks great.

Looks kind of like Exiern? I'm not a fan of it. Male barbarian is in a fight, gets turned into a woman, does not identify as one, and the rest seems to be excuses to get the main character to have his clothes shred off for random reasons, and males turning into women here and there with what seems to be sexual connotations. The main character's personality also seems to change once turned female (as well as his sexual orientation), which is weird, and the disphoria seems to come and go. The art is really good (the author pays an artist to draw the comic) and there are some interesting stuff going on in the story, but it seems to be mostly fanservice, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but doesn't seem to me to be a very helpful representation of trans people.

That is, of course, if this is actually Exiern. I think it is, though. I don't recognize this specific page but the art seems similar as well as your description. I also haven't read it in a while so it may have evolved in a direction I didn't anticipate.

[Ravens_cry]

Misfile is a far better fantastic take on trans issues, in my opinion.

[Dire Moose]

So... I went out in public as female for the first time just now.

The local LGBT center was hosting an LGBT Gamers night, and I had noticed two key factors that would work in my favor there. First, they did not have any prior history with me one way or another and thus I would not have to correct any prior image of myself; I was free to make my first impression of myself on them however I wanted. Second, I could theoretically expect them to at least tolerate me given their organization's focus.

So I went for it. I wore a similar outfit to the one I'm wearing in my last photo on this thread, and I nervously headed into the place dreading what reaction I would get. As it turned out though, nothing negative happened. In fact, everyone was very welcoming and nobody had any complaints. Some people did slip up on pronouns, but there wasn't any big deal made over it. I made a number of new friends and just generally enjoyed myself. In fact, I'm certain that if I had gone there as a guy I wouldn't have had nearly as much fun.

They also are going to be holding regular game nights throughout the year, and I look forward to attending those as well.