Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition IV: Just what Doc Ordered

[Diachronos]

NPC Pirate captain: I'm not getting paid enough to transport these people. ((Culstists of Asmodeus))
Bard: Take it up with the boss. *Stab, party rogue sneak attacks captain*
Arcanist: ((OOC)) Is "take it up with the boss" your way of telling him to go to Hell?

"You all suck at fighting, and your god has floppy t*ts!"

[cavalieredraghi]

No Rater that last one was just you.

[goto124]

*Ponies
**Friendship
***Magic.
****Love.
*****Cake.
******A 10-11-12 year old building assorted nonlethal guns in his basement.

That last one might just be our group though.

******* Non-lethal guns.

[cavalieredraghi]

******* Non-lethal guns.

******** Only other male character has actual kills under his belt, in a non killing system.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Me: His name is Bully and he loves tummy rubs.

Um... I'll pass on that...

He ended up getting washed into an underground cavern that conveniently linked up with some underground water cannals we found, so we caught up to him in the end.

Hey, it worked out in the end. :D

Is there a list of What Makes an MLP Game?

No, but I suspect it wouldn't be difficult to come up with one, as Rater demonstrated.

******* Non-lethal guns.

I think there should be a "Sliding Scale of Non-Lethality". Even Nerf can put an eye out.

Frostbite: “Was writing a post in which Frost subtlety tries to get the bartender to tell him what's behind the door. Oh well...”
Midnight: “Midnight has about the subtlety of a flying brick.”

Trace: “Are we playing with subdual damage?
DM: “You don't play with subdual damage. Subdual damage is serious business!”

Midnight: “Upon seeing the ex-pony appear—”
Trace: “She's not dead! She's pining for the fjords!”

Crossguard: “Are zomponies used to smooth the ice during Pony hockey games?”

Trace: “Is Crossguard next to him? I want to ‘Rogue Smite’ him. Aka sneak attack.”
DM: “Crossguard currently is not, but technically Spirit is.”
Trace: “Viper Sting!” (Rolls a 2)
Trace: “...forget you saw that. All of you.
Spirit: “I can't. You rather loudly shouted the name of your attack. Don't worry, meat-piñata will run past to give you another chance.”

Spirit: “Um. Crossguard is nowhere near the Zompony. She's near the wolf-pony-hybrid abomination. Also, she missed.”
Crossguard: “Crossguard didn't miss. She critically missed, sir.”

Beryl: “So, just to be clear. There's a zompony on the first floor, and the wolf-pony is on the second floor, inside the room, right?”
DM: “Correct on the Zompony, but to clarify, the wolf-pony is running in the hallway of the second floor trying to chase Spirit.
Spirit: “Squishy meat-piñata does not enjoy this chase!”

[goto124]

I should learn about and play 5e.

I think there should be a "Sliding Scale of Non-Lethality". Even Nerf can put an eye out.

But you didn't kill anyone, just lowered someone's depth perception. Or completely blind if you land two critical successes.

[DigoDragon]

But you didn't kill anyone, just lowered someone's depth perception. Or completely blind if you land two critical successes.

Yes, but non-lethality and pain are two separate categories. Hence my idea of a scale.

Non-lethal low pain: getting hit by a snowball.
Non-lethal high pain: getting knee-capped by a shotgun.

[ZeroGear]

Yes, but non-lethality and pain are two separate categories. Hence my idea of a scale.

Non-lethal low pain: getting hit by a snowball.
Non-lethal high pain: getting knee-capped by a shotgun.

Where on the scale would 'being gelded' sit, as opposed to 'being hit in the jewels'? Because I'm figuring them as equally painful, but the former leaves lasting damage.

[Necroticplague]

Gene: Wohoo!, back to level 5 with use!
Bruta: Wait, I thought we were level 10?
Gene: No, we're normally level 5, but we've been doing a lot of hanging around on level 4 and 3 to do our jobs.
Bruta: Wait, when did we get level drained?
Gene: We didn't. We went down a level using the de-abstrationalist portals.
Bruta: And those decrease our levels?
DM: WE ARE NOT DOING THIS GODDANG ABBOT AND CONSTELLO RIPOFF AT THIS TABLE!

[DigoDragon]

Where on the scale would 'being gelded' sit, as opposed to 'being hit in the jewels'? Because I'm figuring them as equally painful, but the former leaves lasting damage.

Hmm, good question. I would say that lasting damage is more painful.


Trace: “...I have daggers? All I thought I had was a bow/arrows and a rapier?”
Crossguard: “Looking at starting equipment, EVERY-BUCKING-PONY gets them.”
DM: “I see two on your character sheet, Trace! How did you not know you had daggers? Didn't you write your own character sheet?!”

Frostbite: “I think I know where the confusion is. Despite the name, ‘Chill Touch’ is not a touch spell. It has a range of 120ft.”
DM: “It used to be a touch-range back in 3rd edition, so I would be confused as well.”
Midnight: “Oooooh. Yeah, it's those pesky 3.5 instincts showing up, along with a confusingly named spell and not having my PHB on hand.”
Frostbite: “Perhaps I should rename it. Chill Wave? ‘A Touch of Frost’?”
DM: “How about Frost/Nix-On?”

DM: “Time for some anti-heroics.”
Dice: *three of the four d20s all roll a six. All the d6s roll a five, and all the d4s roll a three*
DM: “I feel as if the die roller just copy-pasta'd my post.”

Beryl: “Not that it has mattered yet, but just in case the zompony takes offense to being dealt 14 damage so far by her...”
DM: “Well you know, a little pain lets you know you're still alive... oh wait.”

Trace: “So one of my attacks hit, and Cross is right next to the captain so I get snark attack.”
DM: “Don't you mean sneak... ah. I see what you mean.”

Beryl: “We have to stop this thing!”
Midnight: “What do you think we're doing, giving it a massage?”

Trace: “By the way, it looks like the captain was using blood magic, or is part of this cult that uses blood magic, or is under someponies influence by the use of blood magic. Either way, blood is used with magic to get this. Blood magic.”

Beryl: “Sorry, Trace. I just want... Fuzzy here tied up before he starts rampaging and clawing ponies...”
Spirit: *Bleeding from getting clawed in the fight*
Beryl: “...again.

[Surpriser]

"Suicide is a swift action, right?"

"Why is he upset anyway?"
"Don't know. Maybe because you crashed through his roof in the middle of the night in the form of a giant armadillo?"
"Oh right ... well, I leave through the wall"

[goto124]

Beryl: “We have to stop this thing!”
Midnight: “What do you think we're doing, giving it a massage?”

Maybe massage would help stop it?

[Recherché]

"Not fair! Not fair! Isn't hair!"

"But I don't understand human metaphysics!"
"And this is why you will never become a halfling"

[AdmiralCheez]

DM: What did everyone get on initiative?
Dravin: 23
Aedan: 20
Julio: 20
Finley: 19
Nadarr: Uhh... 0? Do I even participate in this battle?


DM: Do you move at all?
Julio: I am performing a concert! I am not prancing around like a dancer!
DM: Showing no fear, got it... here comes a bridge.


DM: What do you guys know of Crenshinibon?
Tymorel: They have good cinnamon rolls?
DM: Oh good.


DM: The dragon sits lazily atop his massive mountain of gold. He's kinda pudgy around the middle, and barely moves when he speaks to you.
Dravin: So he's a cat dragon.


Keeper of the Flame: They stole something invaluable, something irreplacable.
Julio: Was it the flame?
Keeper of the Flame: No, the flame is a metaphor. There is no actual flame.

[goto124]

Don't you know? Dragons are fantasy versions of cats.

[Draconium]

Don't you know? Dragons are fantasy versions of cats.

Incorrect!

Cats are real-life versions of dragons. Get it right.

[DigoDragon]

Crossguard: “What have we missed?”
Frostbite: “I think we're all missing some important information here. You specifically missed the zombie. Us downstairs apparently missed diamond dog appreciation night.”

Trace: “That's my element for you. Speaking of, I think the guards are in for quite a shock.”
DM: “What, the missing town drunk turned zompony turned pile of dirt wasn't enough?”

Beryl: “Cross...? Do yourself a favor and DON'T try to feel for evil around the captain.”

Beryl: “So, either one really bad thing, or hundreds of murder-level bad things? I don't like either of those, but with our luck, it's probably the first.”

Trace: “Well if you're going to search more, I'm going to see a guy about a headless horse.”

Beryl: “I kind of want to have Beryl learn about Lay on Hooves right about now. And Spirit does have a 4HP wound right there for the touching. Just so she can ask Crossguard what's going on when we get some downtime. Beryl still considers herself a baker, after all, so a Paladin-to-Paladin talk about what's going on might set things straight/totally fuel her heroic delusions.”
DM: “I had trouble at first parsing if this is about Paladin Adolescence.”
Beryl: “The joys of Paladin Puberty. Your body is changing all kinds of holy ways.”

Trace: “Is it bad I'm thinking of ways to ruin my informant’s day even further?”
DM: “I think Trace's contact just died a little on the inside.”
Trace: “Actually I could use an assassin right now. And remember kids, if you hire an assassin, you get two donkeys.”

Beryl: “So, we're about to make a bunch of assassins angry? That seems... unwise. Fun, but unwise. Also, it hits me that waking up with a horse head next to you is a whole lot more creepy in My Little Pony than real life.”

Trace: “And as long as we are still talking Batman Equivalents, Trace is the Pony version of Catwoman. Only a guy. And Pony.”

Beryl: “I just hope [Beryl and Crossguard] are talking Paladin talk when Trace shows up. To a rogue-ish type that's just all the nope, twice.”

[goto124]

Lay on Hooves

Where's the complete ponified spell list? Include non-spells, whatever they're called in DnD.

[One Tin Soldier]

Where's the complete ponified spell list? Include non-spells, whatever they're called in DnD.

Mostly it's just Find & Replace Hands -> Hooves, or other such anatomical substitutions. Though there was one spell we got a bit stumped by: Find Steed.

[DigoDragon]

Where's the complete ponified spell list? Include non-spells, whatever they're called in DnD.

We don't have an official written list. We substitute pony words in when thematically appropriate, so magic spells start looking like this~

• Breezie Fire
• Hold Pony
• Hoof of Death
• Mage Hoof

I haven't yet fixed the issue about mounts, as there are no horse mounts in this setting, so I'm looking for substitutes on the paladin mount ability and spells like Phantom Steed.

[Lord Torath]

Mostly it's just Find & Replace Hands -> Hooves, or other such anatomical substitutions. Though there was one spell we got a bit stumped by: Find Steed.

"Mount" does something rather different as well.

[McNum]

Recently, Beryl had to roll a Sleight of Tail skill check, as she was dangling bait in front of an alligator. No, you're not getting more context than that in this thread.

[Fable Wright]

I haven't yet fixed the issue about mounts, as there are no horse mounts in this setting, so I'm looking for substitutes on the paladin mount ability and spells like Phantom Steed.

Digo, in your heart, you know the answer.

They summon bears. Obviously.

[RCgothic]

Digo, in your heart, you know the answer.

They summon bears. Obviously.

[DigoDragon]

"Mount" does something rather different as well.

Oh myyyyy! [/Takei]

Digo, in your heart, you know the answer.
They summon bears. Obviously.

I think all the minions of my BBEG are officially fearing for their lives. As it is, that ship you're all looking for is doomed. XD

[One Tin Soldier]

"Mount" does something rather different as well.

You say that like it didn't already have that double meaning.

[USS Sorceror]

Some from our last session.

DM: You find a brass contraption. It seems to be a large bowl filled with water attached to some sort of tank. Attached to the tank is a lever. It seems to be a gnomish invention.
Fighter: -pulls lever- Where did the water go?!

Bard: Okay knock him out.
Fighter: I slam him into the floor!
DM: Okay, you slam him hard enough, his skull cracks open. Something starts oozing out.
Bard: I said knock him out!
Fighter: I did! I thought, floor, hard....

DM: He walks away with all of the dignity that a goblin struggling to keep his nose and mouth above raw sewage can.

[ZeroGear]

Beryl: “I kind of want to have Beryl learn about Lay on Hooves right about now. And Spirit does have a 4HP wound right there for the touching.[...]"

Please tell me that someone else noticed how wrong this phrasing can be taken? (never again shall I let any group I play in use the BOEF).

[goto124]

I presumed it was intentional.

Also, paladin ponies should summon humans to ride. Do humans exist in that setting? Even if they don't, humans could easily be 'mythological' creatures

[ZeroGear]

Or they could ride goats. Everything is better with goats...and hydras...and dragons...and monkeys...and obscure fighting styles involving common household objects like Tai-Mop-Do and Pan-jutsu.