AMEN X: Call of Moonthulu

[Korith]

*Geas Light Junior*

Clean my lab, and don't break anything. No saving throw.

[PirateMonk]

PM decides that ignoring the gods for this long amounts to the same thing as waving them away, and sighs with relief.

[Lord Magtok]

I found something odd in the old EVIL thread. Apparently one of our members has a past we all forgot about.

A girl walks in. She stares at PM and Magtok.

This will be... interesting...

She sits down, and then stands up.

I beleive that, I, too, will join EVIL. I will be your Mysterious Guardian Celestial... and I suggest, Magtok, that you run... for the darkness is upon you. Farewell. She dissapears into a cloud.

[Saurous]

"Wasn't that V Ju...

Aww, Magtok, are you sad because your girlfriend used to be with EVIL?"

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

Why is everyone in AMEN some sort of half breed or really weird race or something except me?

Castaras: Half drow, half human.
Magtok: Half human, half robot.
Saurous: Drow-elf-lich-demon-something.
Moon Called: Half Drow, Half Elf.
Rex: "Fairly Human," according to his page. What does that mean?
Me: Elf. Plain old elf. Well, I'm a Vulcan right now, but that's beside the point.

So, that makes me the only definite 100% pure race AMEN member? Besides you?

((Time for my new spell: Plotus Startus!))

Junior runs out her lab grinning and holding a potion saying 'Dark Junior Reversal'. "YESSSS! YESSSS! This is for you, Magtok dear!" She drinks the potion. She turns an odd shade of purple. "Oh dear. Not goo- GAK!" She splits into different aspects of her. Here's a handy-dandy list:

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• Princess Verandius (level 12 aristocrat) royal blue
• Dark Junior (level 9 pirate, level 5 sorceress, level 4 meerkat summoner) dim gray
• Junior (level 9 ninja, level 6 sorceress, level 4 meerkat summoner) dark slate blue
• Kid Junior (level 6 random insane person) magneta
• Sad Junior (level 6 deep depression girl) navy
• Light Junior (level 10 paladin) cyan

OMG! No epic characters? What have you been doing with your time?!

[Rex Idiotarum]

How come I always miss these?
...
"I'm almost human, technically a Human with the Natural Rubus Oculus, makes me super tough, with limitless powers."

Rex begins humming "Almost Human" from Voltaire.

[Saurous]

So, that makes me the only definite 100% pure race AMEN member? Besides you?



OMG! No epic characters? What have you been doing with your time?!

"What do you think her and Magtok do when we're not looking?

...Okay, I've met my quota for the day. No more V+Magtok jokes for now."

Saurous sighs.

"Anyways, it was probably because her levels were divided among the personalities."

[Fus.Weapon 1337]

"What do you think her and Magtok do when we're not looking?

...Okay, I've met my quota for the day. No more V+Magtok jokes for now."

Saurous sighs.

"Anyways, it was probably because her levels were divided among the personalities."

Yeah, but even totaled up, that's like, not even 100. You're no good until your level is....

OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!

[Rex Idiotarum]

It's also good to note that when a creature is polymorphed, it's species remains the same, therefor, whatever child a being bears while polymorphed will share traits of it's original form. It's how Half-Dragons are born.

[Saurous]

[B]Yeah, but even totaled up, that's like, not even 100. You're no good until your level is....

OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!

Saurous slaps his forhead.

"I'm surrounded by idiots..."

[Vespe Ratavo]

So, that makes me the only definite 100% pure race AMEN member? Besides you?

You missed the news my friend. I'm really an

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Elf/Drow/Vulcan/Eldar/Dark Eldar/Dwarf/Human/Cyborg/Demon/Celestial/Zombie/Vampire/Werewolf/Troll/
Ogre/Beholder/Manticore/
Unicorn/Gryphon/Elephant/Wolf/Orc/Ork/Orque/Golem/Goblin/Darkmantle/
Kobold/Spider/Turtle/Shark with Frickin' Laser Beam on it's Frickin' Head/Kraken/Hydra/Red Dragon/Scorpionfolk/Lizardfolk/Catfolk/Hyenafolk/Archon/Eagle/Aboleth.

It's probably better if you don't know the story.

[Lord Magtok]

Magtok thinks of all the things V Junior has done that might remotely suggest she's a spy, then tries to think of a list of possibilities that might explain why and how she could've been a member of EVIL. His head hurts after a while and he decides to torture some paladins to try to forget about it.

So, that makes me the only definite 100% pure race AMEN member? Besides you?

I'm pure, too! I just had some robotic body parts! Its not like my dad was a computer or something. That'd be sick and disgusting.

[Saurous]

Black Sabbath's song Paranoid suddenly blares over the nearby intercoms.

Saurous smirks.

"Hmm, I wonder if that was supposed to mean something..."

[Vespe Ratavo]

Vespe grins and edits Magtoks backstory.
Uh yeah Magtok, your dad WAS a computer.

[Lord Magtok]

Vespe, you're going to remove that edit, or I'm going to toaster-ify you. My mom was not a technophile.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Make me a flesh toaster! Go ahead, I want to be one, remember?

[Saurous]

"I knew it! Vespe is a creepy masochist!"

[Lord Magtok]

Make me a flesh toaster! Go ahead, I want to be one, remember?

Hmm...okay, you get to be a toaster. But I get to peek at the AMEN RPG before any of the others do, and you have to sign a contract giving me 102% of any cash you get after being toaster-ified. Oh, and you have to leave my backstory and stuff alone.

"I knew it! Vespe is a creepy masochist!"

Magtok laughs so hard his metal vocal cords explode and remove his ability to speak for the next two pages.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Hmm...you drive a hard bargain Magtok. I do not like people looking at my work...all right, but I won't be a flesh toaster if that's how it's gonna be. You will put my brain into a toaster, and I shall be a toaster robot, ok?

[Lord Magtok]

Hmm...you drive a hard bargain Magtok. I do not like people looking at my work...all right, but I won't be a flesh toaster if that's how it's gonna be. You will put my brain into a toaster, and I shall be a toaster robot, ok?

Fine, but I get the 102% and you have to leave the Magtok page alone.

Before Vespe can agree or disagree, Magtok teleports to the labs and begins working on a toaster, wondering if he should just shove Vespe's brain in an ordinary toaster and melt it, or actually make Vespe a toaster-bot.

[Saurous]

Saurous sighs, and summons a pair of ghasts.

"Sir?"

"I have the desire to bring extreme pain to someone at the moment."

"And what does that have to do with u...oh shi-!"

The ghasts suddenly find themselves torn completely inside out, writhing and screaming in their own decaying organs. Saurous smiles, and then takes a seat on the couch, reading over his spell book.

[Lord Magtok]

Magtok comes back from the labs with a scalpel and a toaster with a orb filled with brain juice inside the machine.

Now Vespe, I'm afraid we don't have any anesthesia. It seemed ridiculous at the time when I was buying my evil and twisted surgeon's supplies, so you should feel a little pain as I remove the top of your head. And by a little, I mean A LOT.

You don't mind, right?

[Vespe Ratavo]

Weeeeeeeee! Cut my head open cut my head open!
Sometimes you scare me.
You're the one writing me.
It's hard to explain. Sometimes characters just take their own direction...
I think you're just an artsy idiot.
Whatever.

[Saurous]

Suddenly...

"Oh, what now?"

...an army of clowns suddenly drop from the ceiling, attacking anyone around them, but especially Saurous. He jumps up, somehow sticking, screaming something along the lines of "Ohmygodsgetthemthehellawayfromme!"

[Lord Magtok]

Magtok cuts Vepes's head open with the scalpel, removes the brain, and holds it up in front of everybody, while activating an anti-clown field.

This is your brain.

He then rolls the brain around in dirt and slime, and then holds it up again.

This is your brain on drugs.

After doing his little joke, Magtok washes the brain off in the kitchen sink, and then puts it in the toaster.

Hmm...I wonder if I got it right this time. The last 9854 test subjects exploded in a shower of brains for some reason.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Suddenly Kirk, Spock, and an army of redshirts rush in.
Mr. Spock, analysis on the clown creatures.
It's life Jim, but not as we know it.
We come in peace...shoot to kill!
All of them begin firing wildly on the whole room, but mostly on the clowns.

[Saurous]

The clowns keep on coming. Saurous drops down from the ceiling, slicing down any clown in his path. Obviously, he doesn't like clowns very much.

[Mr. Moon]

Moon Called looks around, then rolls her eyes. "Clowns? Saurous, your player is losing whatever touch he once had." She lazily stabs a clown, then bends down to examin his nose. "Huh. What do ya know. Those red noses are real."

[Lord Magtok]

Magtok calls in some troops, and suddenly robo-spiders teleport to each clown's chest, which they proceed to claw and tear their way out of Alien-style.

[Saurous]

"Actually, he's manipulating one of my few unrealistic fears."

Saurous kicks a clown across it's face, and then tosses it at a group of the remaining clowns.

"I guess he didn't think that I respond violently to the things I'm afraid of."