Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice

[Elxir_Breauer]

*As DM, I should go over all the characters and their sheets before allowing them.
**If I fail to do this, it is my fault for having a party that consists of a Half-Minotaur Antipaladin, Drow Sorceress, Giant-blooded Vishkanya Rogue, and an Android Gunslinger.
***It is similarly my fault for running with no Alignments and basing morality on shades of grey rather than the usual Law/Chaos and Good/Evil axes, when they effectively run as The A-Team, only not nearly as effective yet surprisingly less destructive.

[DigoDragon]

** Cannot hold a penguin funeral.

*** Not allowed to question if that ice casket would float or not.
**** Nor about where the sea currents would take the bodies off to.

[Fable Wright]

*** Not allowed to question if that ice casket would float or not.
**** Nor about where the sea currents would take the bodies off to.

***** There is no such thing as Penguin Valhalla.
****** If there were, it would not reside underneath Australia.
******* One does not ride the deep sea current to penguin Valhalla through the Coral Gates by hiding under a penguin ice casket.
******** Not to be surprised when Penguin Valhalla is full of dinosaurs. What, you thought only modern penguins got in?

[Recherché]

*The Penguin Mafia do not get into Penguin Valhalla
** I do not need my death to be witnessed to get into Penguin Valhalla
*** I do not get to ride the ice floes shiny and chrome in Penguin Valhalla
****That’s it my supply of silver spray paint is being revoked along with my right to play awakened animals or anything that can turn into an animal.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not base the pregenerated characters on the 9 classes from the Ultimate series (4+).
** The Shepherd should not have a decent melee weapoms skill and high Physique.

* Cannot require every spell to have material components as the default system has no limiting factor.
** Cannot ask the mage's player to record which components are in their component pouches and which are in their backpack.

[DigoDragon]

** I do not need my death to be witnessed to get into Penguin Valhalla
*** I do not get to ride the ice floes shiny and chrome in Penguin Valhalla

That is EXACTLY the reference I was going to make. Good job, you get a cookie. :D

******** Not to be surprised when Penguin Valhalla is full of dinosaurs. What, you thought only modern penguins got in?

But were they still penguins millions of years ago?

[Honest Tiefling]

But were they still penguins millions of years ago?

If you trust this article, they're shy of co-existing by about 3 million years.

[SirBellias]

D&D 5e variant humans make Hufflepuff a very attractive pick though. :3

* May not chip in that I really don't think I'll play as anything but a variant human or gnome for the first several games I'm in. Bonus feats are niiiiiiiice.

Edit: this is what happens when I don't read threads in a long time. Though the badger house is still cool.

[JAL_1138]

*In an ancient tome of necromancy, the first chapter is not "Concerning ye ſubjecte of ye ſhovel, and ye ſelection of a ſuitable type and ye propre uſajes yereof."

[Librarilen]

*May not forget to use the contact that would help smuggle us into the city despite the lockdown, and do it our way instead.
**Especially if 'our way' involves a Telepath forcibly implanting non-suspicious images for the party in the brains of the city watch.
***Particularly if that results in an awkward series of circumstances which ends with the spontaneous creation of a seven story tall statue of the empire's most-wanted goblin alchemist in the middle of the city.
****and a showdown on a suspesion bridge which nearly incites a riot amongst the oppressed population.
*****and ends with everyone being arrested anyway.
******and our macguffins confiscated.
*******especially since all of this could have been avoided if the DM didn't mention the contact at three in the morning during the last session.
********I will take notes when the DM tells me things in private.

[Fable Wright]

* No longer allowed to recruit giant spiders for our adventuring party.
** No, seriously, it makes all the NPCs freak out.
*** Not allowed to dress up giant spiders in silly hats and cloaks.
**** Even if it shifts the default NPC reaction from 'panic' to 'what.'
***** This spider should not be the stealthiest thing on 4+ legs when wearing the Silly Hat and Cloak.
****** Cannot headcanon this as NPCs refusing to believe such a thing exists.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My wizard cannot specialise in 'the school of Hard Knocks'.

[JAL_1138]

* My wizard cannot specialise in 'the school of Hard Knocks'.

**That's because a wizard can't survive a hard knock--a housecat can kill one in a round.

[goto124]

*** It does not have anything to do with the Knock spell.

[Joe the Rat]

**** But it should...

[Asmodean_]

* Am not allowed to critically hit plot-important characters.

* Am not allowed to use Chekhov's Gun on everything the DM says.
** Especially if this involves inanimate items of furniture.

* Am not allowed to use trolls' regenerative ability as an infinite food source.
** Am not allowed to use troll's regenerative ability to pass off as an infinite food source to someone who we told we'd get lunch for.
*** Not even if they are half-fiends.
**** Especially if they are half-fiends.

* Am not allowed to make a diplomacy or bluff check without stating what is being said.
** Am not allowed to point out the derivativeness of multiple stalemates in dwarven politics.
*** Am not allowed to zombify a dwarf voting against my wishes.
**** Am not allowed to "accidentally" zombify a dwarf voting against my wishes.
***** Am not allowed to "accidentally" leave a zombifying sword in the vicinity of a dwarf voting against my wishes.
****** Am not allowed to "accidentally" leave a random magical artifact for no particular reason in the vicinity of a dwarf voting against my wishes.
******* Am not allowed to interfere in any way in dwarven politics.
******** In any way.

* Am not allowed to point out the pointlessness of having a town on the coast of a river without a port.

[GorinichSerpant]

* Am not allowed to critically hit plot-important characters.

* Am not allowed to use Chekhov's Gun on everything the DM says.
** Especially if this involves inanimate items of furniture.

* Am not allowed to use trolls' regenerative ability as an infinite food source.
** Am not allowed to use troll's regenerative ability to pass off as an infinite food source to someone who we told we'd get lunch for.
*** Not even if they are half-fiends.
**** Especially if they are half-fiends.

* Am not allowed to make a diplomacy or bluff check without stating what is being said.
** Am not allowed to point out the derivativeness of multiple stalemates in dwarven politics.
*** Am not allowed to zombify a dwarf voting against my wishes.
**** Am not allowed to "accidentally" zombify a dwarf voting against my wishes.
***** Am not allowed to "accidentally" leave a zombifying sword in the vicinity of a dwarf voting against my wishes.
****** Am not allowed to "accidentally" leave a random magical artifact for no particular reason in the vicinity of a dwarf voting against my wishes.
******* Am not allowed to interfere in any way in dwarven politics.
******** In any way.

* Am not allowed to point out the pointlessness of having a town on the coast of a river without a port.

*Not allowed to haphazardly linking to TVtropes without warning. Some of us have AP tests right now.

[DigoDragon]

* Am not allowed to critically hit plot-important characters.

** This includes the Bard's social skills.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not accelerate to relativistic speeds just to have a better chance of dodging attacks.
** Especially without a spaceship.

[rocketfrog]

I may not yell “SACRED FLAAAAAAME!!!!!” and set off a party popper upon casting the cantrip
*Especially if I cause the GM to spray his drink
**I may not purchase an industrial size bag of said party poppers
***I may not use sacred flame at every single opportunity, just so I can make a bang
****Especially when I'm far more effective with my warhammer

[Wookieetank]

I may not yell “SACRED FLAAAAAAME!!!!!” and set off a party popper upon casting the cantrip
*Especially if I cause the GM to spray his drink
**I may not purchase an industrial size bag of said party poppers
***I may not use sacred flame at every single opportunity, just so I can make a bang
****Especially when I'm far more effective with my warhammer

*Flash paper is no longer allowed within 100m of the location of roleplaying.
**While effective for adding more flair to larping, unexpected flames freak the other players out.

[JAL_1138]

more flair

I see what you did there

[Wookieetank]

I see what you did there

While not intentionally making an Office Space quote, I'll happily take the credit

[Socksy]

* If the LARP I am playing in has summoning spells, I will use them sensibly.
** Summon Lesser Servitor is not for getting things off high shelves.
*** Summon Lesser Servitor is not for lacing my boots up if I put my corset on first.
**** Summon Lesser Servitor is not for practicing my make-up skills.
***** Cannot summon the entire monster crew as Lesser Servitors so that there is nobody left to attack us, regardless of how many spell points I have.
****** No longer allowed to play a Cleric.

[DigoDragon]

* Summon Lesser Servitor is not for lacing my boots up if I put my corset on first.

Well if not, then you're probably going barefoot or in sandals to your LARP.

[JAL_1138]

While not intentionally making an Office Space quote, I'll happily take the credit

I was actually thinking "flair = flare," because fire.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not start off the Apocalypse by botching an engineering roll.

* May not bring up Saint Brenda the Blender.
** We totally stole her, even if ahe had been demon-infested.

[JAL_1138]

I know I mentioned my dice hoard on here before, maybe in the previous thread, but as I keep gettig called out on it at the table, might as well mention it again.

*May not bring more dice than could fit on the battlemat in a pile.
**May not bring more dice bags than can fit behind the DM screen.
***May not bring seven full dice bags (one for each type of die in a standard set).
****I am limited to one dice bag.
*****Even if I add a drawstring, pillowcases are not dice bags.
******I am limited to one Crown Royal bag.
*******That means the size that comes with a fifth (750 ml), not the kind that comes with a handle (1.75L).
********Even if it's for d6es for Shadowrun.

[TeChameleon]

I know I mentioned my dice hoard on here before, maybe in the previous thread, but as I keep getting called out on it at the table, might as well mention it again.

*May not bring more dice than could fit on the battlemat in a pile.
**May not bring more dice bags than can fit behind the DM screen.
***May not bring seven full dice bags (one for each type of die in a standard set).
****I am limited to one dice bag.
*****Even if I add a drawstring, pillowcases are not dice bags.
******I am limited to one Crown Royal bag.
*******That means the size that comes with a fifth (750 ml), not the kind that comes with a handle (1.75L).
********Even if it's for d6es for Shadowrun.

... okay, calling nonsense on that last one; it's one of the foundational laws of Shadowrun. You will never have enough D6s. At least as long as you can still find the table and/or the shortest player.

Vaguely on topic:

* May no longer apply the 70 Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries to a campaign. Doing it either works too well or else it just kind of depresses the GM.

[DigoDragon]

* May no longer apply the 70 Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries to a campaign. Doing it either works too well or else it just kind of depresses the GM.

A lot of that seems similar to the "Things I'll do if I ever become an Evil Overlord" list. Good advice for players and GMs alike though. :3