1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

[8BitNinja]

#615 #617: Hat of Hulkspeak: WILL CAUSE WEARER TO SPEAK LIKE HULK. HULK KNOWS NOT THE USE OF PERSONAL PRONOUNS. WILL ALSO GIVE WEARER LOVE OF SMASHING.

#617: Hat of Sulkspeak: WILL CAUSE WEARER TO SPEAK LIKE SULK. SULK HAS NEGATIVE OUTLOOK ON LIFE AND LISTENS TO CURE ALBUMS.

[Reboot]

#619: Rulk 'Stache - Allows the holder to grow or remove a moustache as an at-will power.

[8BitNinja]

620) Hulk 'Stache: Hulk Hogan's very own mustache

[Reboot]

#621: Scroll of Skull Sidekick: Draws a skeleton to you as a cohort. Unfortunately, rather than being actually mindless, it is simply dim enough that it misunderstands every order you give it, typically in a comedic manner.

[8BitNinja]

622) Belt of Belch: Wearing the belt makes you burp every 5 minutes. 50% chance to vomit

[ThinkMinty]

###) Kawaii Ribbon: Senpai finally notices you!

See, this is a useful magic item, especially for those moeblob girls who pine after senpai but lack the courage to tell senpai how they feel. One of these could've solved the plot/conflict in Strawberry Panic! in about an hour or less.

[Anonymouswizard]

See, this is a useful magic item, especially for those moeblob girls who pine after senpai but lack the courage to tell senpai how they feel. One of these could've solved the plot/conflict in Strawberry Panic! in about an hour or less.

To be fair, I also plan to at one point make a character called Senpai. I'm not certain if it would be better to dump perception or put it really high though.

And yeah, I know it's useful, the idea there was that it's use is so silly that it's a wonder anyone bothered to make it.

[8BitNinja]

To be fair, I also plan to at one point make a character called Senpai. I'm not certain if it would be better to dump perception or put it really high though.

Depends on how ironic you want your character to be.

Or is it coincidence?

[JoeJ]

623. Anywhere Map. Once per day, this 2 x 2 foot scroll can be commanded to display a map of any location that the owner can see. The scale of the map is always 1:1.

[8BitNinja]

624) Scroll of Michael Bay: When read, random explosions will happen within a 500 yard radius. Explosions act as if they are the Pyrotechnics spell

[Knaight]

623. Anywhere Map. Once per day, this 2 x 2 foot scroll can be commanded to display a map of any location that the owner can see. The scale of the map is always 1:1.

This seems really useful for planning robberies and the like.

[JoeJ]

This seems really useful for planning robberies and the like.

You'd have to be robbing some place awfully small, since it only shows a 2 x 2 foot area.

[Knaight]

You'd have to be robbing some place awfully small, since it only shows a 2 x 2 foot area.

It's more for scouting out individual defenses, getting a good look at what's being robbed to see if it's the genuine article, and other such things.

[Bohandas]

625.) The Colon of Vecna: casts Stinking Cloud 3/day

[JoeJ]

It's more for scouting out individual defenses, getting a good look at what's being robbed to see if it's the genuine article, and other such things.

Remember that it only maps what you can already see, once per day.

[Anonymouswizard]

265. Bread of Vecna: to use this, you must cut the end of your loaf of bread off and attach this. It allows you to instantly identify any mold growing on the bread.

Best before 12/12/1044.

[Reboot]

#627: Ring of Anger Detection: Merges into skin when donned. Will give an annoying "ping" repeatedly if it detects annoyance, anger or irritation in the user until removed with a Remove Curse spell.

[goto124]

627 is a great example of positive feedback

"What are you talking about, there's nothing positive about this!"
"PING! PING!"
"Well I'm positive I'm very angry now!"
"PING! PING! PING! PING!"

[8BitNinja]

628) Shotgun of Shot Guns: A shotgun that can only do damage to guns. Can use 12 gauge shells

[Reboot]

#629) Bed of Reasonable Comfort. Functions as normal bed, except that getting out of it requires a fairly difficult will save which, if failed, cannot be attempted again for half an hour. (Also includes a minor charm to make the user unaware that the bed itself is the cause of the problem, leading them to blame themselves)

627 is a great example of positive feedback

"What are you talking about, there's nothing positive about this!"
"PING! PING!"
"Well I'm positive I'm very angry now!"
"PING! PING! PING! PING!"

Yup

[8BitNinja]

630) Scroll of Unseen Adversary: Once read, it will summon an unseen "servant" that will proceed to beat the living crap out of you

[Anonymouswizard]

631. Ring of Protection: protects the user against pregnancy. No, you are not supposed to wear it on that.

[8BitNinja]

632) Eyeglasses of Rule 34: DON'T PUT THESE ON

[Reboot]

#633: Spectacles of Rule 63. You can put these on, but only if you're really bored.

630) Scroll of Unseen Adversary: Once read, it will summon an unseen "servant" that will proceed to beat the living crap out of you

...isn't this just a straightforward booby-trap/cursed item?

[ImNotTrevor]

632) Eyeglasses of Rule 34: DON'T PUT THESE ON

Fixed that for you.

634: Sunglasses of Corey Heart: Can only be equipped at night.

635: Telescope of Far Sight: Allows you to see distant objects as if they were even further away.

[8BitNinja]

636) Scroll of Summon Friendly Paladin: Summons 8BitNinja, usefulness depends on your alignment, intentions, and whether you think I would be a fun person to have in your party

Usually, all three don't align

[goto124]

631. Ring of Protection: protects the user against pregnancy. No, you are not supposed to wear it on that.

This is actually a really useful item!

[8BitNinja]

637) Ring of Minor Strength: Gives you the strength of your 8 year old self

[Anonymouswizard]

This is actually a really useful item!

Oh, the 'useless' part is that most groups don't bother checking for that stuff anyway. In fact, most games don't give rules for it. I agree that 'real world' wise it's incredibly useful. Also, intentionally given a similar name to a combat item.

[8BitNinja]

Oh, the 'useless' part is that most groups don't bother checking for that stuff anyway. In fact, most games don't give rules for it. I agree that 'real world' wise it's incredibly useful. Also, intentionally given a similar name to a combat item.

You have obviously never heard of the BoEF

If a DM opens that book, run

or sit down, depending if you want to play with those rules, but don't expect anything good to happen when you walk into a temple of Aleister