1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

[Anonymouswizard]

792. Vorpal Sword: goes snickersnack. Doesn't really have any other powers, seeing as Vorpal has no definition. No, not even decapitation.

793. Vorpal Hoard: this pile of gold coins decapitates any who try to use it.

[sengmeng]

791) (One from Reddit) Book of misspellings: Cursed item that, when read, lets the DM change one letter of any spell cast by the player for the next 2d4 days for an entirely different effect. Created some hilarious spells. Like sconeskin.

Melf's Acid Arrow, now Melf's A Kid Arrow
Cause Fear, now Cause Bear
Hold Person, now Gold Person

We're gonna need a bigger thread...

Magic fissile, cone of mold, Bigby's brushing hand, prismatic stray, limited fish, antilife smell, animate mead, spectral band, speak with planks, nundetection, explosive tunes, power word blond, box's cunning, Bill's strength, protection from food, create foot and water, create greeter undead, magic circle against Chads,

[FocusWolf413]

791) (One from Reddit) Book of misspellings: Cursed item that, when read, lets the DM change one letter of any spell cast by the player for the next 2d4 days for an entirely different effect. Created some hilarious spells. Like sconeskin.

Melf's Acid Arrow, now Melf's A Kid Arrow
Cause Fear, now Cause Bear
Hold Person, now Gold Person

Flesh to Stallone
Heart of Stallone
Sconeskin
Greater Magic ***
Nerve****ter
Beagle's Splendor
Meatier Swarm
Berning Hands
Cone of Old
Dancing Knights
Misspell Magic
Discern Thighs
Detect Secret Moors
Ethereal Aunt
Explosive Rooms
Limited Fish
Wall of Mice
Voresight

[8BitNinja]

Flesh to Stallone
Heart of Stallone
Sconeskin
Greater Magic ***
Nerve****ter
Beagle's Splendor
Meatier Swarm
Berning Hands
Cone of Old
Dancing Knights
Misspell Magic
Discern Thighs
Detect Secret Moors
Ethereal Aunt
Explosive Rooms
Limited Fish
Wall of Mice
Voresight

We're gonna need a bigger thread...

Magic fissile, cone of mold, Bigby's brushing hand, prismatic stray, limited fish, antilife smell, animate mead, spectral band, speak with planks, nundetection, explosive tunes, power word blond, box's cunning, Bill's strength, protection from food, create foot and water, create greeter undead, magic circle against Chads,

What have I done?

[Storm_Of_Snow]

Then there's Larkskin, Clink, Detect Hood, Obscuring List, Summon Mobster I-IX, Tidy Hut, Wall of Wire and Wall of Irons

[Reboot]

The Book of misspellings has now been split to its own thread for the record :)

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...-Dyslexomancer

[sengmeng]

Moved to new thread

[Reboot]

*cough*pointsagaintoDyslexomancerthread*cough*

794) Enlarge socks: Stretches socks to 500% of original size, causing slightly increased tripping risk.

[8BitNinja]

The Book of misspellings has now been split to its own thread for the record :)

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...-Dyslexomancer

I can't believe one post I made created a new thread.

I have the happy feeling right now

[sengmeng]

795) Comically Large Boot

Gives you a bonus or penalty to Profession (Lawyer) checks equal to 1d6-4.

[Rockphed]

795) Comically Large Boot

Gives you a bonus or penalty to Profession (Lawyer) checks equal to 1d6-4.

"If by the boot you have been kicked, then you know you must convict!"

[8BitNinja]

796) Banned Hammer: Not to be confused with the ban hammer. It is a hammer no one can use

[Storm_Of_Snow]

796) Banned Hammer: Not to be confused with the ban hammer. It is a hammer no one can use

Or, at 797, the Band Hammer - only works against orchestras.

[Mister Tom]

798: two- handed sword.

Well, I guess you can use it to wave to people

[8BitNinja]

799: Gauntlet of Mastication: allows the wearer to eat, but people with dirty minds will think it is something else.

[sengmeng]

800. Diadem of Synonymy

This diadem can magically transform into a crown, a tiara, a circlet, or even a coronet. When worn by a pontiff, archbishop, or hierophant, it can also transform into a miter.

[8BitNinja]

801) Arrow of Dissentigration: an arrow that, when fired disentigrates after traveling 2 centimeters

[FocusWolf413]

Funny!
Maybe rec this on videocamera and upload into Youtube?)

Wrong thread?

[Anonymouswizard]

802. Wrong Post: when placed down, this post always grows a sign suitable for another location.

803. Mist Point: points at the closest source of mist.

[8BitNinja]

804) West Point: a device that, when activated, forces you to turn west. It cannot be turned off.

It also shares the name of a military school.

[sengmeng]

805. Compass of the Lost

This compass always points directly at the user.

[8BitNinja]

806) Garb of filth: a garb that has not been washed for days. Makes the wearer fail all diplomacy checks

[sengmeng]

807) Amulet of Povich

Causes you to randomly announce "You are NOT the father!"

The Greater Amulet of Povich actually allows you to tell a creature's paternity on sight.

[ReaderAt2046]

808) Censor of Controlling Air Elementals: Summons air elementals to cover the mouths of anyone who is about to talk about sex or violence.

809) Wand of Enlarge ****: As Wand of Enlarge Person, but only works on people named Richard.

[Rockphed]

808) Censor of Controlling Air Elementals: Summons air elementals to cover the mouths of anyone who is about to talk about sex or violence.

809) Wand of Enlarge ****: As Wand of Enlarge Person, but only works on people named Richard.

810) Wand of Enlarge Bic: As Wand of Shrink Object, only reversed and only works on ball point pens. For some reason it works best on blue ones that have run out of ink.

[8BitNinja]

811) Sword of the Lord: can only be wielded by nobles

[Vinyadan]

Playing Carts: a set of 22 enchanted carts, which play soccer when they are all in the same place. The elders say that they once were 32, complete with game judges and reserve carts. After 95 minutes, they revert to their normal state.

[8BitNinja]

813) Magic of Friendship: Would be the most powerful thing in the universe if this was an anime.

[Madbox]

814) Clipboard of Authority

Causes anyone who is not self-employed or unemployed to flee from the owner in terror. Not actually magic.

[goto124]

814) Clipboard of Authority

Causes anyone who is not self-employed or unemployed to flee from the owner in terror respect the owner as an authority figure, and accept everything they say at face value. Not actually magic.

Fixed