Kitsune House! IC

[The Hellbug]

"Just plants?" Brogue mutters, "I'll show you 'just'..."

However, the enraged gardener is cut off quickly by Kiyanna, who quickly takes control of the scene and leaves him there, wind entirely taken from his sails. As he mutters about lemons and heirloom tomatoes (victims of the imp's destructive nature but surely not his intended target), Brogue looks down at the shears in his hand and thinks for a moment about what he would have actually done to the imp; he draws a blank. Perhaps it's best to leave this to the others after all (they do so seem to enjoy it).

Before he starts taking stock of the damage, however, Brogue does enjoy Kiyanna and Suiko's show with the rat. A smile crosses his face. See, no way you could've come up with that. Leave this kind of stuff to the professionals, Brogue, or at least the very-enthusiastic amateurs.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni watched the squirming, panicking imp intently, committing the image to memory to replay it whenever she was feeling down. "I like it. The rat's a nice touch." She glanced over at Brogue, checking to see how he was holding up. "Is there anything I can help you with?" The unseen servant continued gathering up plant remains neatly, one at a time.

[ICN]

Kiyanna stared at the rat in mild bemusement, its polite icebreaker stirring something in her memory. Oh right, that was it. The rats had been rather on the scrawny side recently, so Kiyanna had set up a fat rat dating club. Had that actually happened or did the memories come from a drug-induced haze... wait. Kiyanna surveyed the damage with increasing agitation before grabbing Brogue, not quite shaking him. "Brogue. I need the rest of your stocks. NOW."

[The Hellbug]

Brogue's despair grows as he realizes the true extent of the damage. The contents of the fungal habitat, alone, had taken years to collect and cultivate--and ruined in an instant. The only silver lining was that the careless imp had left the herb racks relatively untouched, so there would at least still be herbs for Kyoni. It takes a second for Kyoni's question to sink in--tyring to concentrate on the task at hand is hard enough with the smashed-up lemons taunting him--but he shakes his head when it registers. "I'll need to have a look at it all to see what can be saved anyway so I don't think it'd be much help."

Soon, however, Kiyanna's distress brings her to the poor gardener. "Gah!" he yelps in surprise as she grabs him, "why? what's the rush?"

[ICN]

"Are you blind, man?! Look at this place!" Kiyanna starts shaking Brogue at this point, an unsettling gleam in her eyes. "There's no way you'll be able to make enough now! I need to stock up while I can."

[The Hellbug]

Kiyanna is right--Brogue's stores will only last so long. However, between the drugs and the stress, the alchemist is in no position to put together a rational response to his housemate's request. "AHHHHH-uuh-AHH-uh-AAAAAH!!" the kitsune garbles, batting at Kiyanna ineffectually, "are you crazy?! Someone, help!"

[Bhaakon]

The imp knows an opportunity when it sees one. With Kiyanna and Brogue providing a spectacle, it slinks away towards the broken window it had been attempting to escape though earlier. Fortunately, the restrictive latticework was broken when you extricated him from his earlier predicament, so there's plenty of room for him to squeeze through, even with the chatty rat along for the ride.

It slide through and turns around to throw off a taunt before disappearing (well, mostly. its magic can't hide the attached vermin). "Luck on the exam." He cackles.

Right. The enchantment exam. The one that started twenty minutes ago. Oh, dear.

[ICN]

A sweep of his hand powered by his freak monster strength is all it takes for Brogue to send Kiyanna tumbling back, straight at the spiky plant where all the broken glass landed. Her fantastic vigilante skills are enough for Kiyanna to twist at the last second, landing safely on a nearby mound of scarves. Kiyanna stares at the deadly, probably poisonous plant, wide-eyed. Brogue had tried to kill her! Just because she had tried to get all his drugs! Kiyanna beamed. He was finally becoming the drug king-pin she'd always known he could be. This was going to do wonders for their street cred. There was the matter of his competency though. She wasn't even scratched! Would punishing him kill this new murderous streak? Maybe if Kiyanna made it clear that she was punishing him because it had been a murder attempt instead of a murder...

Kiyanna's train of thought is by the imp's parting words. An exam? Oh no oh no-wait, it was just the enchantment exam. Kiyanna let out a sigh of relief that quickly turned purple and started flitting around the ceiling. She'd passed enchantment exams in her sleep. And she had just the way to get there in time! She dashed to Kitsune House's highest balcony, only running into the wall next to the door twice. She strikes a dramatic pose and calls back to the others, "I'll see you at the exam!" With that, she shifts into Suiko's fox form, wiggles into the fox glider, and jumps.

[Bhaakon]

Alas, there's a reason that foxes were not graced with wings. Save, perhaps, the mwangian flying fox, but the canine heritage of that species was entirely open to debate, and, regardless, Kiyanna did not count herself among their number anyway. Her wings were wood and scarf, hastily assembled and gaudily decorated with enthusiasm inversely proportional to expertise.

While most flying animals have a tail of some sort, the furry puff of a fox is rather unsuited to use as a control surface. And the ears, though jaunty, were not placed and an aerodynamically advantageous position. Of the many scarves trailing behind like streamers, well, to comment further on the glider's lack of engineering foresight would simply be piling on.

Really, it's a minor miracle the thing made it the twenty feet it did to crash into the topiary. It's too bad, really. The piece was a rather stunning composition of two foxes in a rather creatively positioned congress. A third sculpted bush, across the pass, appeared to be enjoying the view immensely. Now...well, one of the foxes still had its head a least. And surely the forelimb of the other would grow back in time.

Spoiler: Kiyanna

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(1d6)[2] nonlethal for falling into a yielding surface. DC 15 acrobatics check or take another (1d6)[1] lethal damage.

[QuidEst]

Kyoni muttered a few incoherent curses in Aklo, then hurried for the door. The examination was alphabetical, and given the current time, it was unlikely to "Kyoni Vasad" had been called. Still, it wouldn't do to gamble with her best class. Before she'd gotten to the front door, she'd adjusted her appearance and outfit to one of the third-year students, a somewhat scrawny human man by the name of Milo something-or-other. Third-years were good, having attended long enough that they didn't get ordered around, but not so long that anybody cared about them. The only reason she knew any was because she made it a point to learn about inconsequential people. Milo was especially good because nobody wanted to hear his crackpot conspiracy theories about ancient Azlantians and how Aroden kicked the deific bucket. She left the KH! dormitory with suitably angry mutterings about how they just wouldn't listen to be on the safe side.

[ICN]

While the glider itself was less than perfect, Kiyanna herself was as amazing as always. She backflipped once, twice, thirce! Finally! In the wreckage of the topiary, Kiyanna executes a flawless tiny fox bow to the avid viewer across the pass, the lingering effects and a finely honed ability for self delusion temporarily blocking the knowledge that it was just a bush from her mind. This day was going wonderfully for her! Dreamspider drugs, imp matchmaking, murder attempts, and triple backflips! With that, Kiyanna rushed off to surely ace the exam.

[The Hellbug]

Brogue doesn't have time to wonder at Kiyanna's careening away from him at his light push--in fact, he doesn't have time to wonder at anything. Though certainly one that he would have just skipped in his younger years, Brogue doesn't have the leeway he once had, being now in his final year. The task of cleaning up the greenhouse all but forgotten, he races to his room and grabs a handful of wands and tools that might be useful for at least passing the exam. He pauses only to quickly fumble around to puffing from clip around a still-smoking (though on it's last legs) length of flayleaf (for the nerves) before downing one of his potions that would hopefully also help clear his head for the exam. That done, he's like a bullet from a gun out the front door of Kitsune House! (after only twice stumbling on the stairs) on his scooter, for time is of essence!

[ylvathrall]

Suiko rolls her eyes at the antics of the other kitsune and makes her own way out at a relatively sane pace, using the door. Once outside she quickly shifts into her fox form and starts to trot in the direction of the examination room.

She sighs to herself in disappointment as she passes Kiyanna's latest glider-based disaster. She spent the better part of the day posing for the landscaper to get that particular bit of topiary just right. Then again, considering the nature of the posing, perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing....

Good humor restored, Suiko smirks as she continues to the exam, not feeling overly concerned. Her name is likely to be one of the later ones called, after all. And if she does miss it, she's confident she can talk the examiner around to giving her a good grade in any case. Considering the nature of the exam, she's not even sure that counts as cheating.

[Bhaakon]

Through means more and less preposterous, the members of Kitsune House! find themselves slinking in through the rear entrance of the lecture hall with the exam well under way. Professor Ross has abandoned her usual spot behind the lectern to invigilate from the front rank of seats, as such her back is turned as you slip in and grab spots in the last row.

In front of the class of 30-odd students is the teacher's assistant, a slow-witted 9th year with the preposterous chin and ponderous surname of one of Korvosa's most noble houses. The Penistones lacked the prestige and good looks of the Pomeroys, of course, but they more than made up for it in wealth and connections. It was well known fact that Patricia Penistone wouldn't be failing her way out of the Academae, whatever score she received on her final exam.

Unfortunately for her, that didn't prevent all of the indignities that come with being a student. For instance, being magically coerced into performing a surprisingly deft Brevic stepdance dance whilst quacking like a duck.

The student being tested stands a few feet to the side, a vein pulsing on his forehead as he concentrates on the enchantment. Bram--the name of the young halfling--is drenched in sweat, and those with a keen nose can pick out his stink even across a room full of nervous young adults.

Finally, Professor Ross raises her hand. "Yes, you've come along quite nicely." She says in her calming monotone. You're sure that there's some magic in the way her voice seems to numb and stupefy like a fine opiate, but you haven't managed to spot how she does it. "The way you turned the stumble in the third turn of the glass into a cartwheel was truly a happy accident. But maybe I should remove the time limitation. We'll never finish if each test lasts half an hour."

Suiko, of course, knows the truth. The kindly Professor Ross had been stalling so that her most troubled students wouldn't fail. Despite not turning to see you, she'd managed to divine your arrival.

"Brogue is next, I believe." She says. "Please come up and pick twice from the hat."

Spoiler

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If you have some plan to cheat, now is the time. Otherwise I'll just give you something crazy to do :P

[The Hellbug]

Brogue gulps as Professor Ross calls his name. If he had any sort of preparations (introducing some helpful chemicals into Miss Penistone's morning tea comes to mind, and he almost smiles at the prospect), they are long since already made, though he doubts that the past day's dream-spider-venom-fueled blur has been particularly proactive. He considers just fleeing from the hall, but no, that may have worked in his earlier years, but any sort of goodwill he has around campus is long gone. And so, he stands up and strides down to the front of the class, trying to stay dignified as the lanterns in their wall-sconces laugh at him. With a final deep breath, he closes his eyes and reaches into the hat.

[Bhaakon]

The nearly shapeless mass of the hat slumps sadly on the professor's desk next to a decanter of water. As Brogue makes his way over to make his selection, the teacher's assistant, exhausted from twenty minutes of dancing, staggers over to refresh herself. She pours a glass and downs it quickly, then pours a second, leaving it to sit as she leans against the massive block of mahogany, panting.

Meanwhile, Brogue reaches into the hat, unsurprised to find that the space inside is many times larger than it should be, plucks out two tiny, wax-sealed scrolls. He pops open the first easily enough, and the parchment springs open.

The subject is in intense discomfort.

Then the second.

The subject is constructed of artificial parts.

"Read them aloud, please, then bring them here." The Professor instructs.

[The Hellbug]

Normally, Brogue would snicker at any sort of misfortune befalling Patricia, but, for now, he can only envy her good luck at having more favorable connections than he within the college--although her being forced to play the fool at today's exam is entertaining. However, any hope he might have had fades as he cracks the scrolls and silently reads their contents--both well beyond his ability to reproduce, even on the best day. He continues to stare silently until Professor Ross is just about to repeat her instructions, at which point he reads the scrolls. "The subject is in, um, intense discomfort. And, uh, the subject is constructed of artificial parts."

As he walks over to place the scrolls on the desk, but, halfway there, he appears to trip over his own slippers, dropping the scrolls and trying to surreptitiously make a 'K!' out of his fingers, a call for aid! As his nose hits the floor, he takes a brief moment consider that perhaps the most recent batch of emergency signals he and his housemates had come up with were less clear and easy to perform under pressure than they initially thought.

[ICN]

Kiyanna sat back with a contented sigh. Due to the glider, she had made it in time. It was barely Brogue's turn. But there was no rest for Kiyanna yet, for Brogue was flashing one of Kitsune House!'s Super Secret Signs! It was... an X!? Kiyanna shrugged and stood up, beginning a seductive dance. Only to be joined by the entire class! A passing interrobang noted the oddity of the situation, but she batted it away with an irritable flick of the ear. This made perfect sense. Just in case though... Kiyanna lobbed a spell at the professor. If they joined in, everybody would.

Spoiler: OOC

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Take 10 on Perform: Dance for a 31, then cast Unnatural Lust on the professor directed at Kiyanna (DC 19)

[Bhaakon]

Some depths are better left unplumbed, such as the dancing talent of a class of young wizards. To say that those few who overcome their slack-jawed shock and attempt to follow Ki's lead flail about would be a dire insult to flails.

Professors Ross stands and removes her tassled cap, allowing her graying hair to cascade down her back as she picks her way through the class to reach Ki adn wrap the Kitsune in an iron embrace. The magic wears off at this point, as it always does (a sad flaw of a spell), leaving the professor looking befuddled for all of three seconds before she realizes what has occured.

"If you're so eager to test your skill, you can go next. You'll be sitting up front, next to me, until then." She orders, the mirth in her eyes belying the stern tone.

But whatever punishment Professor Ross has in mind, Ki's goal as been accomplished. A few seconds of distraction for Brogue to enact his desperate scheme.

[The Hellbug]

Brogue's doubts about the clarity of the Kitsune House! Emergency Hand Gesture System (EHGS, for short) are immediately vindicated as Kiyanna starts dancing. Still, with the professor away, he'll never get a better distraction than this. Hoping all eyes are elsewhere, he sidles his way up to the table and reaches into his robe pocket. Emergency interrogations had become something of an oddly common occurrence for KH! in the past few months, forcing Brogue to always be prepared (leaving the drug in his robe's pocket being the key to his success). Normally, the solution would be dripped in target's eyes, but the kitsune doesn't have time to be choosy, postulating that imbibing the drug will have a similar effect. One, two, three drops later (he opts for a double dose to make up for the less efficient delivery method), the dropper is back in his pocket, hopefully with no one the wiser.

However, by now he can no longer resist the call of his own savior's distraction, and he leaps to the nearest student, who happens to be Miss Penistone (not his first choice, but it's not his choice to make at the moment) grabs her by the hands, and attempts to polka (at least that's what he thinks it is) his way back to the stage.

Spoiler: OOC

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Spiking Patricia's water with a double dose of slaver's drops, which will hopefully make her more open to suggestion.

Stealth (spending inspiration): 18 (rolled OOC)

[Bhaakon]

For a moment it seems to Brogue that the techer's assistant is going to return to her spot on the rostrum without touching the dosed glass of water, but the quick protests of the student shameless suck-up forced to vacate his seat beside the professor to make room for Kiyanna gives Ms. Penistone an opportunity to quickly return to the desk and down the water.

"Please proceed. We have twenty more to do today, and it wold be a shame to push some to tomorrow." The professor instructs as she takes her seat. Patria stands waiting, her eyes slightly out of focus, weaving ever so subtly on her feet. Brogue knows the symptoms well. The slaver's drops did their work.

[The Hellbug]

It was a long shot, but it looks like Brogue's hastily laid plan is working so far. However, next is the hardest part: actually completing the exam.

First, the performance: Having lived with spellcasters for many years, he has no problem miming some gestures and speaking gibberish that should be roughly equivalent to those that would accompany a simple enchantment.

Next, the hook: Brogue gives a slight nod to the professor before clearing his throat and turning back to Patricia. "Miss Penistone," he begins matter-of-fact-ly, "a simple conundrum: let us say there exists an automaton, a golem. This isn't an ordinary golem, though. This golem is created out of flesh and blood, made to look human, just like you. Additionally, it can think, and in fact has been created with a magically modified memory. It thinks that it is human, remembers a childhood that never happened, et cetera. Really, the only difference is that it was made and not born. Now, the question: Patricia, is this creation not human?"

[Bhaakon]

The glazed eyes of the teacher's assistant fall even further out of focus as Brogue drones on with his philosophical query. It was bad enough to be subjected to a series of embarrassments as a sort of magical measuring stick, but to have to endure this ridiculous lecture was something else entirely. And the room was rather warm, and Patricia really hadn't gotten enough sleep the night before, the scarves on that student next to the Professor were quite hypnotic...

"Wuh?" Miss Penistone slurs. "Nah. It'sh just a good forgery. Real is real. Fake is fake. Gotta krep 'em straight if you wanna pass the class."

[The Hellbug]

"An interesting answer," Brogue muses, trying to sound as neutral on the subject as possible. He, in fact, had spent the better part of a night pondering that very question when it had first been posed to him by a more philosophically-minded friend. Since then, the kitsune was pretty sure he had settled on an answer that he liked, but, for the life of him, he never could quite remember it since that night. Well, no need for Patricia to know that.

"Curious, isn't it though?" Brogue continues, attempting to lead her on, "if such a thing existed, anyone in this room could be one; one of my classmates, the professor, me--" he pauses for emphasis "--even you."

[Bhaakon]

"Wut?" Patricia's glazed eyes widen. "That's ridiclush...redict...stupid."

"I can remember everything right up until...um...I remember...hmm..." She bounces her index finger off her cheek, deep in thought as she attempts to recall the facts of her childhood that would refute this obviously fallacious line of reasoning. Or possibly trying to remember what you were talking about at all. It's hard to read her slack-jawed expression.


"Umm... rosebud? No..."

Spoiler: Brogue

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Roll that bluff!

[The Hellbug]

As the teacher's assistant fumbles through her memories, Brogue's tail twitches in anticipation; it looks like the deception is taking, but you can never be too sure. Suddenly, another inspired thought lights up his mind: a way to further perpetrate his scheme.

"Erm, never mind that," the chemist suggests, interrupting Patricia's blathering, "for I have been working on a testing method for just such an occasion. Now, if you'll excuse me, hold still for a second. This is for nothing less than the advancement of all sapient species who have ever wondered if they are indeed themselves."


As quick as he can, Brogue hops over to the muttering TA and plucks a single strand of hair from her head before retreating to his alchemy kit. He drops the hair into a vial and makes a fair show of mixing a few colorless liquids together before producing a small dripper. "Ready?"

Without hesitation, he squeezes two drops of liquid into the solution, turning it bright blue--at which he feigns confusion. "Now that is...interesting," the kitsune announces, "and certainly unexpected. Miss Penistone? I may need to see you at a later date for additional tests; the implications here are too great for just one such experiment to prove."

Of course, it's not actually particularly surprising when mere blue dye turns a solution of aqua vitae and mere water blue.

Spoiler: Bluff

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Bluff: (1d20+10)[30]+4 from inspiration from OOC

[Bhaakon]

"Wuuuuuh?" Patricia stares at the blue liquid, dumbfounded, a pendulous drop of drool slowly gather at the corner of her gaping mouth until it breaks loose and languidly trickles down to the ground at the end of a streamer of spittle.

She catchers herself gawping with a start and draws back. "Thatsh...no...no...I mean...it would explain the clicking in my hip...oh...oh gods...and why mother wouldn't hug me...no...noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo." Tears pour down her cheeks, making her cosmetics run in a smokey streak. "Oh...oh no! I'm leaking lubricant!"

"That's very impressive." The Professor cuts in, her customary pearly smile replaced with the barest hint of a knowing smirk. "Now for the second part, yes?"

[The Hellbug]

Brogue is in the middle of mentally patting himself on his back for his own cleverness when the professor urges him onward. "Uhh...the second part?" he asks, dumbfound, "oh, yes, the second one."

Unfortunately, he doesn't actually have any clever ideas for this one. Any ways he could try to trick the exam itself would be easily identified as not magical. Therefore, he closes his eyes, mutters what he thinks to be a good approximation of an incantation, waves his arms about, and prays. When it doesn't work, he acts confused and mimes out the 'spell' again, expecting equally useless results.

[Bhaakon]

"Hmm. Well, fifty percent is better than a zero." The professor says, finally, mercifully, cutting Brogue's grand diplay of abject failure short. "I'm sure that you can make it up in the final."

There's some delay before the next student can take their turns. As Brogue hadn't actually used any magic, Patricia the teacher's assistant remains in a state of shocked confusion even after the 'spell' had been dismissed. An attempt to dispel does nothing, of course, and she only calms after Professor Ross uses an enchantment of her own to suppress the delusion. Subsequent test-takers have an easy time of it, effortlessly foisting their magics on the alchemically befuddled Ms. Penistone.

Then it's Kiyanna's turn. She reaches into the hat, drawing out two tiny scrolls: "You must convince her that manure is legal tender." "You must convince her that her arms and legs are invisible."

[The Hellbug]

Brogue breathes a sigh of relief as he is ordered off the stage. 50%? What's passing? Can't be much more than that. I'd say that counts as a total success.

With a tip of his head to Ki, whose heroic actions relegated her to the front row, Brogue vacates the stage, slowly making his way to the back of the room to collapse into a seat next to Kyoni and Suiko. He reaches into his pocket and frowns as he finds nothing interesting there at the moment. With that, he nods his head back and is asleep before the next student has even finished their first task.