Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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DM: "At first you think it's Colonel Sanders, but then you realize that it's Stalin."

This happens more than you might think.

I'm not sure what happened to fried chicken chains if this is becoming a common issue. O.o

Looks like Doc's put his shiny new gun to good use!

He is! And soon he will get some cybernetics, including a Strength mod to help him use that gun even better!

Choro: “Although one thing bugs me. If this is the Greater Hospital Horror, does that mean its got minions? Regular pony-sized Hospital Horrors?”
Doc: (sarcastically) “Yes, the hospital is infected with a group of ghouls that are subconsciously being brainwashed to lure more food down here.
...
...nevermind.”

Viridia: “Somewhere, somepony is very happy that they got to throw me into a dangerous situation.”

Viridia: “I've been trying to get [this sword] identified properly forever! The last mare I spoke to recommended killing something with it. Do you know what that might have done? ...besides the thing dying, I mean. We'll take that as granted.”

GM: “The remains on the couch continued to struggle against the crates of energy drinks [and the 15-pound teddy bear] that had been mercilessly stacked upon it.”
Viridia: “I'll remove the bear when you stop wiggling.”

Doc: “She's playing Jenga with a skelly.”

Viridia: “Do ponies still donate organs? You'd think that having just a few to clone would mean you're set for life.”

GM: “Down the hall and towards the entrance to the labs, there were three squat creatures that resembled microwaved ponies that were then left to putrefy. They were colored a greyish-purple-pink hue, overlarge blue eyes, and instead of mouths they had clusters of tentacles, dripping a black slime.”
Viridia: “Eww. They look like Sari's soul.”
Bertly: “Oh, them? There's a few of those lads around here. I would suggest not interacting with them, or looking at them directly. If they touch you, hit them with something solid and flat to dissuade them.”
Viridia: “I like your style, Bertly.”
Andante: “I would suggest you kill them. Save the mouthparts, however.”
Viridia: “...do you want to eat them?”
Andante: “Taint mutants disagree with me, sadly.”
Viridia: “Most of us do.”

[goto124]

I see the ponies are taking well to the gloopy horrors there.

Do cybernetics have a soul-sucking effect or something in FO:E? I know a few other systems that do that, to keep in with their 'losing humanity (ponyity?)' theme.

[ZeroGear]

I see the ponies are taking well to the gloopy horrors there.

Do cybernetics have a soul-sucking effect or something in FO:E? I know a few other systems that do that, to keep in with their 'losing humanity (ponyity?)' theme.

Not unless they work the same way they do in Shadowrun.
Granted, in the story the characters had enough anxiety already, and the parts needed to burn gems as fuel to work, but that's beside the point.
(Dear god, now I'm picturing Doc having to suck down gemstones...and learning about cybernetics from Diamond Dogs.)
(...Digo, you REALLY need to read the original story and Project Horizons. Or listen to the many readings of them on Youtube.)

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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I see the ponies are taking well to the gloopy horrors there.

The word of the day is SHOWER.
As in, Doc needs a shower to wash off this filth of twisted science and blood off his clothes.

Do cybernetics have a soul-sucking effect or something in FO:E? I know a few other systems that do that, to keep in with their 'losing humanity (ponyity?)' theme.

Not unless they work the same way they do in Shadowrun.
Granted, in the story the characters had enough anxiety already, and the parts needed to burn gems as fuel to work, but that's beside the point.

The system we use is haphazard with cybernetics. There are no cyber parts listed in the equipment section. They're only found as Perks that are available strictly to Earth Ponies (and no solid rules on how they're acquired other than you're suddenly now a cyborg with no explanation). Only 3 cybernetic perks mention anything about a soul-loss effect; it only comes into play in a specific case of being attacked by necromancy magic (which is not available to anyone except as a plot point by NPC wizards or magical spirits). So...

The GM did away with the perks and wrote up all the cybernetics as purchasable things by any pony type. Naturally, they cost an arm and a leg () to acquire, thus the GM can control supply by assigning them as quest rewards to players. Doc recently earned $15,000 in credit towards cybernetics. The GM also wrote up rules on the maximum number of cybernetic parts any pony can have, with Earth Ponies able to install more than any other race. Overall, this is not a bad deal. I have enough credit for the specific parts I want and I can spend my Perk slot on something else entirely.

I do like the Shadowrun system of Cybernetics. Enough that I have been working on a Pony conversion for 4th Anniversary Edition. Will hopefully have that completed by the holidays.

(Dear god, now I'm picturing Doc having to suck down gemstones...and learning about cybernetics from Diamond Dogs.)

Mmm, crunchy.

Could the gems be broken down into bite-sized pieces and canned? Then Doc can do the Popeye thing by crushing a can open, chomping down the contents, and then get super-charged cybernetics to punch the baddies, all to a catchy theme tune.

(...Digo, you REALLY need to read the original story and Project Horizons. Or listen to the many readings of them on Youtube.)

There is a mob of people who have told me this. ^^;
If I can find the free time, I certainly will.

Viridia: “Bertly for father of the year.”
GM: “Bertly for mayor.”
Doc: “Bertly for team mascot?”
Viridia: “Bertly Rule 34?”
Viridia: “It's getting hot in here~
So remove your armored shell~”

Viridia: “Do genies grant wishes, or is that just a myth, like Crystal Cola or Mirror's love?”

GM: “As Moonshadow went past the dried bat, she heard a creaking sound, akin to leather sliding over leather, followed by bones. While it looked like a dried up old dead thing, it seemed to still have some life in it.”
Moon: “Don't make me kill you whatever you are. I'm not getting paid for murder. Well I suppose I was with the hobos upstairs, but you're not with them, and we didn't have to murder them anyways.”
GM: “Moonshadow would notice the creature had a ring on one of its wingtips. The ring looked to be made of silver and had a nice fat purple amethyst embedded in the center.”
Moon: “So...think I can steal a ring off of that bat thing?”
Choro: “I... guess it doesn't have any use for it. And you are very good at being sneaky.”
Moon: “Alright. Just be ready in case I mess this up.”
Dice Roll: **Messes this up**

GM: “As Doc wandered into the main chamber, he saw something hideous; it seemed to be some sort of miniature version of the giant abomination that the group felled just a few moments ago, although this was only pony-height and seemed to have only weak little front legs.”
Doc: (nonplussed, he points to the creature) “You, stay where you are.” (Points up at the turrets) “You, do your job.”
GM: “None of the turrets answered Doc back, because they were rude.”
Doc: “Dang turret union.”

[Beacon of Chaos]

Dimir: So, it's like... mech necromancy. Mechromancy!

[Inevitability]

dimir: so, it's like... Mech necromancy. Mechromancy!

YES PLEASE.
I ain't no spambot, you caps-resetting piece of rusty slag!

[D.KnightSpider]

GM: “As Doc wandered into the main chamber, he saw something hideous; it seemed to be some sort of miniature version of the giant abomination that the group felled just a few moments ago, although this was only pony-height and seemed to have only weak little front legs.”
Doc: (nonplussed, he points to the creature) “You, stay where you are.” (Points up at the turrets) “You, do your job.”
GM: “None of the turrets answered Doc back, because they were rude.”
Doc: “Dang turret union.”

Nothin' like a demoted boss upon which to flex your muscle.

====

Ray: It's a good thing that we're masters of inter-dimensional time travel, because we're waaaaaay too metal to make it through airport security.

====

Lisa: Sing a song to dispense, through a handful of die, four and twenty daggers straight into your eye...

====

Gumdrop: To put it in technical terms: I think the darn thing's busted.

====

GM: 'Whump' goes the former-flump.

====

Ray: I dunno, Gumdrop. I think I'd feel better if we had a medic who could walk and chew gum at the same time... Or just walk at all, really.

====

Matter-Horn: Perhaps a more equine psychologist could succeed where the flumph failed?
Ray: Oh, yeah. That'd go over real well. "Hi, Doc, I'm a cyborg killing machine from another dimension trapped in a mare's body." They'd have her ticket to the funny-farm punched before lunch.
Matter-Horn: I know the human saying: 'Laughter is the best medicine', but I hardly think subjecting Lisa to a comedy club would fix anything.
Ray: Eh?
Gumdrop: Huh?
Matter-Horn: The Funny Farm? You know.
Ray & Gumdrop: *blank look*
Matter-Horn: *sigh* It's a club over on east street.

====

Ray: Okay, so for future reference. My pony alias is Glib Gypper. Lisa's Companion Cube. Gumdrop, you're Laffy Taffy. And we won't bother about giving The Masked Matter-Horn her own alias because she's already got two. She's special.

====

Matter-Horn: Regardless, our first priority is to get you newly equined beings some proper disguises. The Masked Matter-Horn can't be seen working with a lot of ordinary ponies. It would ruin her mystique.

====

Ray: Yo, dog. I heard you like secret identities so I put some secret identities in your secret identities so that you can secret identity while secret identity-ing.

====

Matter-Horn: I give you: the Knights of the Round Stable!
Gumdrop:​ Does this make us the 'Knights Who Say "Neigh"?

[Lord Torath]

GM: “As Doc wandered into the main chamber, he saw something hideous; it seemed to be some sort of miniature version of the giant abomination that the group felled just a few moments ago, although this was only pony-height and seemed to have only weak little front legs.”
Doc: (nonplussed, he points to the creature) “You, stay where you are.” (Points up at the turrets) “You, do your job.”
GM: “None of the turrets answered Doc back, because they were rude.”
Doc: “Dang turret union.”

Does Doc think "nonplussed" is the same as unfazed? Because it's pretty much the exact opposite. Of course, it looks like in North America, we're literally doing to "nonplussed" what we've done to "literally".

In other news: Get off my lawn, ya dang whippersnappers! Yeah, yeah, I'll show myself out.

[Vrock_Summoner]

Does Doc think "nonplussed" is the same as unfazed? Because it's pretty much the exact opposite. Of course, it looks like in North America, we're literally doing to "nonplussed" what we've done to "literally".

Maybe he's trying to act cool and make someone else deal with it because he's really overwhelmed right now and doesn't know how to deal with it.

[DigoDragon]

Dimir: So, it's like... mech necromancy. Mechromancy!

I approve of this. :D

Lisa: Sing a song to dispense, through a handful of die, four and twenty daggers straight into your eye...

In my head, I managed to picked up the context cue and sing this in tune the first time. I'm a little surprised by that.

Fun song though!

Does Doc think "nonplussed" is the same as unfazed? Because it's pretty much the exact opposite. Of course, it looks like in North America, we're literally doing to "nonplussed" what we've done to "literally".

Yep, pretty much what you're seeing there. Nonplussed in American English has a slang definition of "to be unfazed". Happens with living languages. A couple other examples--

Terrific: used to mean something that denoted terror, but now can mean something that denotes a positive response.
Awful: used to mean something that inspires awe, but it has a second meaning now to denote something that is bad.

Maybe he's trying to act cool and issue orders because he's really overwhelmed right now and doesn't know how to deal with it.

It's Doc being frustrated. He knows neither thing he addressed will listen to him anyway. :3

[Beacon of Chaos]

YES PLEASE.

I approve of this. :D

Hooray! I have created a popular thing!

And by "created" I mean "named" because my GM came up with it. But the name was good!

[DigoDragon]

GM: “Now that you have defeated the boss, it's time to deal with its stupid children in a room full of primed laser turrets.”
Doc: “I think I remember something in the notes about being on fire would aggravate the turrets.”
Doc: (Checks notes) “The notes said fire, smoke, poking the turrets, and not being a basic quadruped pony shape will set the turrets off. Okay, important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.”

Doc: “Dr. Tenaculum, do the turrets respond to someone shooting the experiments?”
Dr. Tenaculum: “If you fired from inside the labs, the turrets in the labs would shoot you. They are programmed to assume a victim follows the Ministry of Peace-approved conflict resolution system, which involves laying down and crying for help.”
Doc: “"Good to know, but we're gonna skip the MoP part of the rules here.”

Bertly: “The doctor's favorite foods include mangos and avocados.”
Doc: “I like Dr. Tenaculum already!”

Moon: “Well, how many of them are there Doc?”
Doc: “I saw one, so there's probably two, maybe three of them.”
Choro: “My caps say half a dozen, minimum.”
Doc: “Yeah... maybe I'm being too optimistic.”

[Slarg]

Paladin, to the Warlock: Did you just convince the Elder Dragon to join your cult?

[ZeroGear]

Spoiler: Responses!

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Mmm, crunchy.

Could the gems be broken down into bite-sized pieces and canned? Then Doc can do the Popeye thing by crushing a can open, chomping down the contents, and then get super-charged cybernetics to punch the baddies, all to a catchy theme tune.

I assume so, given that Blackjack ate some that were baked into what can only be described as a battle-grade pancake (which was made by Morning Glory and included other oddities like scrap metal and machine oil). Thankfully, BJ had a tendency to eat strange food even before she was cybernetic ally augmented.

DM: As you enter the room, the first thing you notice a large, luxurious queen-size bed with crimson sheets. Within in lies the sleeping form of a very attractive woman. The second thing you notice is Joey standing about five feet to the left, clad only in a flowery pink apron, and holding a tray with what smells like french toast upon it.
Serrah: "Uh..." *covers Linsey's eyes*
Davis: "What. The. Hell?"
Joey: "This...isn't what it looks like!"

Davis: "Let me get this straight: While we slugged our way though multiple life-threatening games, including being pushed down a hill in a teacup towards a lake of acid, getting spiked boulders thrown at us, being shot at by cannons, wading though a ball pit full of snakes, navigating an obstacle course trying to crush us, and having to endure Linsey's singing,"
Linsey: "HEY!"
Davis: "You were content playing tonsil hockey with the enemy?"
Joey: "To be fair, she did have me at gun point."
Serrah: "Sounds more like you were busy defusing her bombs."

Joey: "Welp, no point in hanging around here any longer, let's get going!"
Serrah: "Aren't you forgetting something important?"
Joey: "Like what?
Davis: "Do us all a favor and put some pants on."

DM: As you enter the room, you notice a pedestal with a big red button on it.
Joey: *about to say something*
Everyone else: "NO!"
Joey: "But I didn't say anything yet."

[IZ42]

This sounds like a term of endearment towards an alien assistant.

It's referring to the character Ankhit, who is notably smol, adorable, completely androgynous, and insane for multiple reasons.

[Vrock_Summoner]

DM: As you enter the room, you notice a pedestal with a big red button on it.
Joey: *about to say something*
Everyone else: "NO!"
Joey: "But I didn't say anything yet."

Aurora: Hold on a second guys, I think-
Dante: No.
Gambi: Hell no!
Shae: Inadvisable.
Aurora: I haven't even said anything yet!

Déjà vu. My spiritual connection with your group grows ever inexorably stronger.

[Recherché]

"I am the Oprah of death! Pistols for everyone!"

"Clive, you can't murder someone because they're ugly! Well you shouldn't kill people because they're ugly."

"Sir, our bird is a professional."

"So after this wine, women and song and bouncy castles?"

[OctoberRaven]

DM: So, you head up the mountain, Eventually, you reach the walls of the monastery grounds, the doors are closed, you don't see anyone
Handir: I look around for anyone outside, or in sight
Arnien: "Should we knock?"
DM: Perception
*rolls, Talia gets a nat-20*
Talia OOC: WHAT DO MY MAN EYES SEE
Arnien OOC: Why do I even have perception if you always roll 20?

[goto124]

[cybernetics explanation]

Oooooooooo, I certainly did not expect such a long backstory of cybernetic rules! What about Shadowrun cybernetics do you like, however?[/quote]

Could the gems be broken down into bite-sized pieces and canned? Then Doc can do the Popeye thing by crushing a can open, chomping down the contents, and then get super-charged cybernetics to punch the baddies, all to a catchy theme tune.

I don't think that's what they meant by 'consumes gems".

Awful: used to mean something that inspires awe, but it has a second meaning now to denote something that is bad.

These days "awful" is only ever used to mean the bad thing, right?

Dr. Tenaculum: “If you fired from inside the labs, the turrets in the labs would shoot you. They are programmed to assume a victim follows the Ministry of Peace-approved conflict resolution system, which involves laying down and crying for help.”
Doc: “"Good to know, but we're gonna skip the MoP part of the rules here.”

I must have missed something, would following MoP standards lead to death or some other sort of failure?

[Asmodean_]

(after a natural 20 on a knowledge architecture roll)
DM: ...ok fine. You drop a church on its deity. We're fifth level.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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I assume so, given that Blackjack ate some that were baked into what can only be described as a battle-grade pancake (which was made by Morning Glory and included other oddities like scrap metal and machine oil). Thankfully, BJ had a tendency to eat strange food even before she was cybernetic ally augmented.

Scrap metal and machine oil? Huh. O.o

It's referring to the character Ankhit, who is notably smol, adorable, completely androgynous, and insane for multiple reasons.

Perfectly nicknamed then! :D

Oooooooooo, I certainly did not expect such a long backstory of cybernetic rules! What about Shadowrun cybernetics do you like, however?

What I like about Shadowrun cybernetics is that it has a lot of options, but is fairly straightforward to figure out. You can get components for nearly any kind of ability, and you're only limited by your Essence score (like a soul stat). Mix and match as you want.

These days "awful" is only ever used to mean the bad thing, right?

It's the only definition I've heard it used for.

I must have missed something, would following MoP standards lead to death or some other sort of failure?

The MoP procedure is how Dr. Tenaculum described it--you curl up on the floor and cry for help if you're attacked.

Moon: “Right then. As far as crit fails, that's a lot less painful then that damn Talon way back when.”
Doc: “I remember that one. Real piece of work that sniper.”
Viridia: “Her name was Kaboom Boom Boom LeBoom Chesterfield. In hindsight, her name was kind of a giveaway.”

Viridia: “The Chesterfields are well known for their suicide bombings.”
Doc: “Is it irony she detonated inside a bomb shelter?”

[Forum Explorer]

(...Digo, you REALLY need to read the original story and Project Horizons. Or listen to the many readings of them on Youtube.)

He can skip Project Horizons. In fact I recommend he does. That story was so bad that I can't even think up an appropriate metaphor for how awful it was.

[azaph]

Other player: Hey, how's your character's name spelled, again?
Me: I hire several dozen bodyguards.

[Vrock_Summoner]

Other player: Hey, how's your character's name spelled, again?
Me: I hire several dozen bodyguards.

Uh... How's that work?

Gambi's player: Dang it, guys, we specifically messed with fusion so it wouldn't be a metaphor for real stuff, and now you're turning the cosmic disaster into a thinly veiled abortion allegory? Come on! I'm here to blow stuff up and needlessly complicate things with my emotions!

Shae: What in my name is going on here? (Teehee, deity jokes)
Aurora: I know this looks bad, but we've got to make her look as dapper as possible.
Gambi: I knew the price I would pay.

Dante: I miss the good old days.
Aurora: What? We all barely tolerated each other and the Earth was constantly under attack.
Dante: Yeah, but that was simple. All this closeness and peacetime is too... feelingsy.

Shae: So where were you last night?
Gambi: I, um, plead the Third.
Shae: ... You refuse to offer free housing to soldiers in wartime?
Gambi: No, something about not having to self-incriminate, I think. Maybe it was the Fifth?
Shae: Why would there be a law like that? Anybody dumb enough to accidentally testify against themselves should be separated from society on principle.
Aurora: I'm not sure if you're just horrible or if you really have no idea what fairness is and just stopped reading at the Fourth Amendment.

Dante: *does some adjustments on a chart*
Aurora: What's that?
Dante: Number of women living here who have better luck with the ladies than me, and the rate they're added. If I extrapolate from the current rate and take the average of how many partners a given individual will have, I can calculate that I'll acquire a steady girlfriend sometime within the next seven years!
Aurora: That chart also suggests there will be over 40 lesbians living here by then...
Shae: [from another room] Stop abusing statistics!

Reporter: So what's it like for each of you, being superheroes?
Shae: High-stakes, stressful, and thankless, but I'm glad for the friends I've gained doing it. So... Basically just like everything I've ever done.
Aurora: It's difficult and not at all glamorous. You'd think I'd spend my time thinking of how great I am for saving so many people, but it's a lot more sleepless nights agonizing over my failures. But I do take pride in inspiring another generation of heroes to rise up. Especially the hot ones. I am dating three superheroines. Stand in fear and awe.
Gambi: I think it's exciting! Sometimes it's scary and I don't know what to do, and sometimes people get hurt and it's sad, but for the most part, I'm flying around blowing up baddies and ruffling the hair of little kids I just dramatically rescued from monsters and disasters and Brussels sprouts. What more could a girl want?
Dante: Hero? Where? I don't fight crime. The only thing I work to destroy is the plot.

Dante: I've spent the last seven months doing everything in my power to avoid a character development arc and you won't break my record, dammit.

Dante: Gah, I've got to do something for the children at home! *turns in a random direction* A brief distraction from the horrible gory violence to remind you to always brush your teeth! Never stop brushing.
Gambi: I... Can't believe I actually fused with that. [shouts] We're in the middle of a fight, moron!

Aurora: I am sick and tired of all these motherloving subplots on this motherloving train!

Dante: There are two parts to my answer to that. The first part is that I can fly at a third of the speed of light and have no interest in what you're saying. The second part is bye. *flies away*

[azaph]

Uh... How's that work?

I feel giving context would be off topic. Also, I honestly can't explain it that well. That campaign was complicated.
Suffice to say that he had reasons to want me dead, way outclassed me*, and was writing something that looked 'note-to-GM'y. I decided that cowering in terror was the better part of valour.

[Illven]

Spoiler

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Nicky (OOC): the only thing I suggest is choking him out
metal as ****, but will take some time

Michael (OOC): I was going to pin him and then break his fingers

Nicky (OOC): yes. I too strive to do what the high level wizard wants

Shiela (OOC) so let me get this striaght, the second i get stunned you decide to tentacle rape me?
(nicky you could have just asked.)

[ZeroGear]

He can skip Project Horizons. In fact I recommend he does. That story was so bad that I can't even think up an appropriate metaphor for how awful it was.

Only half of it was bad. Honestly, it was ok until the events on the battleship, then it dropped to being tolerable. It didn't really start sucking until the events at Shadowbolt Tower, which I suspect resulted from having a too convoluted bad guy and being overly influenced by action anime (which honestly didn't fit the Fallout theme too well).
I'd say it stays readable until around chapter 68 or 69.
(Still really bitter that Somber killed of my favorite bar pony).

[Forum Explorer]

Only half of it was bad. Honestly, it was ok until the events on the battleship, then it dropped to being tolerable. It didn't really start sucking until the events at Shadowbolt Tower, which I suspect resulted from having a too convoluted bad guy and being overly influenced by action anime (which honestly didn't fit the Fallout theme too well).
I'd say it stays readable until around chapter 68 or 69.
(Still really bitter that Somber killed of my favorite bar pony).

I would say it was ok for a little while. Tolerable until Blackjack met Littlepip and then it just flat out got bad. The Battleship was it's last chance to end with some dignity, but it messed up that up and kept going. And going. And going. Project Horizons remains the most overbloated story I have ever read. Period. And I only got something like halfway through it.

[AvatarVecna]

This is all from one session.

"Can I use Minor Illusion to make a 5ft cube rendition of the inside of his nose?"

"I look for a blacksmith to forge a flea-sized sword for my familiar."

"Dude, have you been snorting birds?"

"Are you really suggesting that True Resurrection is the only solution for a magical tick?"

"We're more familiar with butt parasites around here." "Like ass maggots?" "...yeah."

"Look, breaking a guy's hands and tossing him into shark-infested waters is on my character's bucket list."

"Turns out the thri-kreen bartender incapable of speech of quite the chatterbox."

"I will say this: if there's a bright pink juggernaut wandering around the pirate, I'm sure as hell not messing with them."

"I think warforged prefer online dating services."

"I'm gonna use the lighthouse to make a doggy handshadow puppet."

"I'm just gonna assume they walked off the edge of the underwater cliff."

"Okay, so just shooting off Fireballs without checking was a bad plan, I admit that."

"Do you actually know anything about what's up my nose?"

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "SHUT UP AND LET [Harukai] TALK ABOUT THE VAGINA CLAMPS"

Ella: *calls Sheogorath, who's late*
Sheogorath (over the phone): "Yes?"
Harukai: "LET ME TALK ABOUT VAGINA CLAMPS"
Sheogorath: *hangs up*
DM: "Call him back."
Ella: "He just blocked my number."

DM: "Hanging up on people is so much more satisfying with a home phone. The action of slamming it back down onto the rest is just... so great."

Harukai: Let's do the start...thing.

DM: "So anyone want to try to recap the absolute f***ing insanity that was last session?"

Harukai: "good morning everyone."
Draco: "Mornin'"
Hazirawn (talking sword): "GOOD MORNING VIETNAM"
Draco: "What the f*** is a 'Vietnam?'"

Governor: "I believe the point of scouting is to report one's findings, yes?"
Party: *silence*
Governor: "So somebody tell me what you found."
Harukai: "Right so there was a canyons and some guys and we stole their things and *begins sobbing* I'm soooorrrrryyyyyy."
Governor: "Somebody who isn't her"

Draco: "I ask the governor if he has a daughter."
DM: *facetable*
Draco: "What:
DM: "Just roll the Stupid Dice."

DM: "Sheogorath just kind of fluctuates in and out of canon depending on how late [Sheogorath's player] is."

Hunter: "Oh! Hi there! You're... You're tall."
Draco: "Why are you English now."
DM: "Because everybody knows fantasy humans are always English. Now shut up and roll with it."
Harukai: "hi."
Hunter: "Hi there.:
Harukai: *smiles*
Hunter: *smiles*
Harukai: *does this weird thing where her face tears open to smile really wide*
DM: "Right. The hunter looks into his flask. Then back up at you. Then you pours the flask out."
Draco: "Who are you?"
Hunter: "I'm a hunter."
Draco: "A what?"
Hunter: "A hunter! I hunt things."
Draco: "What things?"
Hunter: *huge over exaggerated hand gesture* "ANIMALS. WE'RE IN THE WILDERNESS. Oh f*** I dropped my cigarette"
Draco: "Why are you here?"
Hunter: "Huh? Oh, they pay me to hunt things."
Draco: "Who?"
Hunter: "The cultists."
Draco: "Why?"
Hunter: "Gimme a mo'."
DM: He goes back into the tent and comes back with a bottle of some kind of alcohol."
Hunter: "I am nowhere near drunk enough to deal with you. *chug*"
Draco: "WHY DO THEY PAY YOU TO HUNT THINGS."
Hunter: "TO EAT. Y'KNOW, THAT THING WHAT PEOPLE DO SO THEY DON'T STARVE TO DEATH.
Draco: "Who's that guy over there in the cave?"
Hunter: "Dunno. Some cultist wanker."
Draco: "So you're not a cultist."
Hunter: "NO. I THOUGHT WE'D ESTABLISHED THIS."
Draco: "I think this guys lying to me. F*** it, I grab him by the throat and lift him into the air."
DM: *facetable*

DM: "Sheogorath exists again."

Sheogorath: "What did I miss?"
DM: "Harukai was insane. Draco tried to knob the governor's nonexistant daughter and then harrassed a drunk Englishman."

DM: "HOW DID I FORGET PABLO."

DM: "So Draco walks in, then about 30 second later you hear him screaming in pain."

DM: "The stairs lead down about 10 feet to a fungus-filled cave. Two paths go through the fungus."
Draco: "Right, let's turn around, I don't want to go through the fungus."
DM: "But there are paths through the fungus!"
Draco: "So the two paths lead up to the fungus?"
DM: "NO. THE PATHS GO THROUGH THE FUNGUS."
Draco: "So there's room with 2 paths and then a fungus room. How do we get around the fungus?
DM: *facetable*

DM: "S*** like this is why you need a rogue."

DM: "You are lovingly caressed by the fungus. Take 3 damage."

DM: "If you're gonna spend the whole game bitching about the system, the least you could do is show up on time."

DM: "Roll a Dex save."
Draco: *succeeds*
Sheogorath: "What was that for?"
DM: "To avoid triggering the trap. I swear, its almost like you guys are new players and don't know how to go through dungeons. Oh. Wait."

DM: "The pit is full of trash. Some of it is shiny."
Draco: "WELL THEN I SEARCH THE TRASH"

Hazirawn: "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD. SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE. CORGIS FOR THE CORGI FAERIE."

Kobold: "Do we know him?"
Kobold: "No."
Kobold: "Well he's in leader's robes."
Kobold: "Huh?" *looks over* "OH S***."
Kobolds: "Hello there sir. So sorry we didn't see you sir. Anything you need sir?
Draco: "Leave."
Kobolds: "Okay. Yessir. Will do. Leaving. Right now. That's what we're doing. Leaving."

DM: "You notice a portion of the ceiling above the stairs looks a bit off."
Harukai: "I throw a rock at it."
DM: "Nothing happens"
Draco: "I poke it with a stick."
DM: "Nothing happens."
Sheogorath: "Well it has to do something."
DM: "That's metagaming."
Draco: "I throw my maul at it."
DM: "A maul is not a throwing weapon."
Draco: "I throw my maul at it."
DM: "A kobold comes around the corner."
Kobold: "Hey, can f***ers keep it dow-" *notices the party are wearing cult leaders robes* "OH S*** SORRY NEVERMIND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT BY THE WAY MY NAME IS [untranscribable hissing noises]."
DM: "You're 99% positive that's someone else's name. Also, nothing happens with the ceiling still."

Draco: "I search the stairs for traps."
DM: "ohthankgodyoufinnalyfigureditout."

DM: "As you walk into the room, you see a dozen kobolds. Every single one points at this one kobold in the corner and says 'It was him!'"