Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

[braveheart]

Me: so I need a sewing kit, pliers, my small knife, and to ritual tensor's Floating Disk
DM: wait are you trying to perform field surgery on the wolf?
Me: yes
DM: That is so metal
Ranger: you aren't performing surgery on my wolf
Me and DM: awww :(

[MasterMercury]

Me: so I need a sewing kit, pliers, my small knife, and to ritual tensor's Floating Disk
DM: wait are you trying to perform field surgery on the wolf?
Me: yes
DM: That is so metal
Ranger: you aren't performing surgery on my wolf
Me and DM: awww :(

Awww. I'm saddened by this.

DM: Bandit A and Bandit B are fighting each other for the death over you.
Warlock: My plan is working

DM: When this is over, we need to make a side-plot about the adventures of Bandit B and (Warlock)


Dwarf McClericpants: YOU CHARMED ME! (Chases after bard)

Bard(singing a lullaby to a dragon)
~I'm sorry I charmed you
Didn't mean to alarm you~ (runs away)

Ranger: I kill the baby dragon.
DM: You try to kill the baby dragon.
Ranger: how hard can it be?

2 combat rounds later

DM: so, bard, are you going to go back and see if your friends are ok?
Bard:.....Hmmm.

[braveheart]

The operation still might happen, we have yet to find a veterinarian, and magical healing isn't working, (GM let us save if from death by fiat but extra complications in return)

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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Ranger: you aren't performing surgery on my wolf
Me and DM: awww :(

I would have my ranger totally attempt it.

Bard(singing a lullaby to a dragon)
~I'm sorry I charmed you
Didn't mean to alarm you~ (runs away)

You know, bards would live longer if they stop to actually think about their lyrics first.

Nobility: “Baka! Freckle Face and her manga are all the dreams I need!”

Nobility: “What is your problem, Freckle Face? Too shy to kiss somepony, just because I’ve commanded so?”
Dawn: *Dawn has reached BlushCon 2, and is attempting to curl up and hide her face*

GM: “Did I win?”
Luna: “Of course you win. Our new student does need some encouragement if he ever wishes to score.”

Dawn: “Something about Sailor Moon as a pony wearing the blood of her enemies is hilarious to [my mom]. I wouldn't have guessed that.”

Dawn: “I only just now picked up that we're sending the two chicken wings over as the distraction.”
Nobility: “Nobility is a peacock!! You Baja!!”
Dawn: “Baja? Wow, I think I finally flustered Nobility to full, incoherent anger.”

Nobility: “I always command the maids to exercise for me, every morning, and before any of my meals!”
Dawn: “I... don't think that's how exercise works, Nobi.”

Apple: *BONK*
Dawn: “Owww... what? Huh? ...what time is it?”
Nobility: “By Rarity's sweet last design! Don't worry, Freckle Face, I'll save you!” (*dives on Dawn to comb her messy mane*)
Dawn: *makes odd squeak sounds when squished*

Dawn: “Aww, breakfast would be REALLLY good about now... but... we could neutrally sneak out and then go neutrally save Luna's sister without anyone knowing where we are. Gain the element of neutral surprise.”

Nobility: “Don't mind him, Freckle Face. Silver Fail is J-E-A-L-O-U-S-E.”
Curtain: “Speaking of fail…”

Dawn: “Cheating takes effort, Silver. You give me too much credit.”

Nobility: “And thanks again about the pm.”
Dawn: “AM and PM. I'm here all day.”
GM: “Was that a pun?”
Dawn: “Aren't they always?”

[Beacon of Chaos]

Juyon: Wasn't this supposed to be a serious campaign?
Ax: "Serious" and "Player Characters" don't go together.

Sinclair: It's just a few layers of skin, you'll be fine!

Ax: I'm just... slowly...
GM: Turning into Nicholas Cage?

Fiona: Sweet hat! Oh wait, no, that's his head.

Ax: Oww, my head. I can't remember... What happened?
Spectre: Ax, you owe me money.

Fiona: Congratulations! You're dead!

GM: You should feel very ashamed.
Sinclair: I blame the water! You can't trust it!

Sinclair: That thing is made of meat, I'm not getting inside it! I wouldn't climb inside any of you!

Fiona: To be fair you are apparantly now a zombie and a wizard.
Juyon: A wizombie!
Ax: My people prefer to be called Liches.

Sinclair: You have discovered the MULTICUBE!

Juyon: My friend and I played Nisha and Aurelia basically as evil AJ and Rarity.
Sinclair: Aurelia basically is evil Rarity. She's a better Nightmare Rarity than actual Rarity.

[DigoDragon]

Ax: Oww, my head. I can't remember... What happened?
Spectre: Ax, you owe me money.

One of the constants of the multi-verse.


Nobility: “Ugh. I think I have fed you too well, Freckle Face. You are smooshing me!”
Dawn: “I'm just uh... fluffy.”

Dawn: “Silver can still vie for the position of special colt-friend.”
Silver: “That sounds suspiciously like another name for 'pet'.”

Dawn: “What about breakfast? A filly’s gotta eat.”
Curtain: “Ehh, eating's a cut scene. We can skip it.”
Dawn: “Nuts to that. Rest only recovers HP/MP.”

Silver: “No way. I'm gonna be a cool, nonlethal assassin.”
Dawn: “Non-lethal... assassin? Uhhh?”

Silver: “Sure, I've got the feeling we're gonna walk right into a trap. But that's not gonna stop me if some weird forest thing might need my help!”
Curtain: “This doesn't seem like the kind of game that would insta-kill us for curiosity. Let's follow them.”
Dawn: “But... possible trap. Keep that in mind, you colts.”
Curtain: “Definite trap. But it's how we move the ga-- how we move things forward.”
Silver: “Besides, no trap is as effective if we see it coming.”
Dawn: “Even if we see it coming, isn't it still a trap?”

Dawn: “I think Hotland is an Undertale reference? But Florida being Florida, it is easy to to mix up the two locations.”
Silver: “I blame it on Asgore being garbage at naming things.”

Dawn: “It is difficult not to look awesome when you stand atop a ten-ton filly.”

Silver: “Oh no! Oh heck no! I won't wear a dress for you again! ...u-unless Curtain d-does it again t-too.”
Curtain: “Well this awkwardness escalated.”

[D.KnightSpider]

Spoiler: Context/Responses

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Fashion has a perfectly valid point. However, she's a unicorn. Why can't she use her magic to slap him at range? Is there a limit to her reach?

I'm just looking for the... naked truth.

Et tu, Digo?

I don't know if you can bare it all, but slapping someone with magic isn't nearly as satisfying as planting your hoof on their face. That and as a trade-off for being so versatile, Fashion Statement's telekinesis is next to non-existent, so non-lethal damage at range really wasn't an option.

(The negligee bit was actually Bradford and Vahlen searching FS's room and finding a catalogue of equine fashion.)

And the adventure continues. :3

Actually, it's about to come to an end. /dun dun DUN

Silver: “I use that stuff all the time in my performances, cause it's much less dangerous than other kinds of fire.”
Dawn: (*blink*) “But there's... only one kind of fire. ...Isn't there?”

Nah. That discount fire's so much less reliable than the brand name, stuff.

Considering our last mechanic tried to kill us, kept her job, and may or may not be still trying to kill us, I'll take my chances.

Ouch. Yeah. I checked and you can port him over to your game as an NPC if you so desire.

Just remember that dinosaur digestive systems and human cuisine don't mix. Unless you're planning to weaponize his gastric emissions...

Me: so I need a sewing kit, pliers, my small knife, and to ritual tensor's Floating Disk
DM: wait are you trying to perform field surgery on the wolf?
Me: yes
DM: That is so metal
Ranger: you aren't performing surgery on my wolf
Me and DM: awww :(

Surgery's easy. You just sew up anything you would normally stab.

Silver: “No way. I'm gonna be a cool, nonlethal assassin.”
Dawn: “Non-lethal... assassin? Uhhh?”

If you think about it, Santa Claus is a non-lethal assassin. I see nothing wrong with this plan.

Drex: Drex run for president once. President ask how fast Drex can go, so Drex show him.

Fashion Statement: We're weaponizing dinosaur flatulence. What in Celestia's mane am I doing with my life?
Drex: Saving life, the universe and everything?

Gumdrop: There's only room for one straight-man on this team.
Fashion Statement: Then it's a good thing that you're a squid, huh?

Fashion Statement: Sprocket, we need to break a few rules; but if this works, then we'll have saved everyone.
Gumdrop: You do realize that the odds of Sprocket surviving this plan are next to nill?
Fashion Statement: I'm filthy rich. He's a van with a voice modulator and some pilfered Transformer tech. I'll get us a new one if he doesn't survive.
Sprocket: I'm right here, you know.
Fashion Statement: Don't worry, Sprocket. I'll make any surviving pieces of your chassis a hood ornament or something.

Fashion Statement: We need to get our secret weapon and I need a change of clothes. The Masked Matter-Horn hasn't ridden for so long that I'm afraid of losing my trademark status.

GM: You do realize that if you fail, it's the equivalent of a TPK?
Gumdrop: Ja.
Drex: Si.
Fashion Statement: Oui.
GM: A simple 'yes' would have sufficed...

Gumdrop: It's 106 years to doomsday. We've got a trunk full of surprises, half a nuclear reactor... it's dark out and the dinosaur is wearing sunglasses.
Drex: Quiet please. Drex trying to sleep.
Fashion Statement: It's time to give reality a migraine.
Gumdrop: Let's get dangerous.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Ouch. Yeah. I checked and you can port him over to your game as an NPC if you so desire.

Just remember that dinosaur digestive systems and human cuisine don't mix. Unless you're planning to weaponize his gastric emissions...

I'll let the GM know, especially since that mechanic is definitely trying to kill at least some of us.

And, uh, I'll bare that in mind, but who would try anything so crazy?

Fashion Statement: We're weaponizing dinosaur flatulence. What in Celestia's mane am I doing with my life?
Drex: Saving life, the universe and everything?

Welp.

[Fable Wright]

Carter: Are the rats still alive?
GM: They were seizing and vomiting crude oil!
Carter: So? Humans have spit up even weirder stuff and they survived.

Carter: Choop, you know how you can burn out resistors if you put in too much electricity? I think I accidentally these rats.

GM: A VCR that takes dead rats instead of cassettes. That's the most Unknown Armies thing I've ever heard.

Choop: Batter, you mind driving the first stretch of the trip?
Batter: Dude, you do not want me driving a vehicle.
Choop: *remembers that the Batter gets his powers by putting his and his friends' lives on the line with stupid risks*
Carter: YAWN I c'nn doit fer you, Choop.
Choop: *remembers that Carter is taking a -120 penalty on all of his dice rolls*
Choop: Nevermind, no one else is touching the wheel.

Carter: *Attempting to hypnotize a graffitti'd news van with a swinging pendulum*
GM: Okay, the woman walks past the van and stares.
Carter: *turns to woman* You really shouldn't have so much coffee before going to bed. *turns back to what he was doing*
Woman: *backs away slowly*

Sapphire: What the hell were you doing last night? Were you high?
Carter: Okay, to be fair, I really shouldn't have been trying to fix his car that late last night.

Choop: I'm gonna go and grab Carter, and on the way, I'm gonna grab some of that dirt and NOT taste it.

Sapphire: YOU! I missed my chance at the crowning footage because I had to drag your sorry ass to the hospital!
Carter: You're going to get the real story. I promise.
Sapphire: *holds up breaking news of the incident that brought news vans across the country to one podunk oil field*
Carter: ...You're going to get the real story. I promise.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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Et tu, Digo?

You should know me by now. It would be a crime if a good clothing pun never donned on me.

If you think about it, Santa Claus is a non-lethal assassin. I see nothing wrong with this plan.

...wat.

Sprocket: I'm right here, you know.
Fashion Statement: Don't worry, Sprocket. I'll make any surviving pieces of your chassis a hood ornament or something.

What distilled PC loyalty looks like. :3
I would say bonus points that the character being talked about is right there, but let's not kidd ourselves--PCs normally do that. XD

Carter: Choop, you know how you can burn out resistors if you put in too much electricity? I think I accidentally these rats.

The ASPCA must hate you guys.

GM: A VCR that takes dead rats instead of cassettes. That's the most Unknown Armies thing I've ever heard.

This is essentially what my Warehouse 23 campaigns are like.

Nobility: “She can let us get eaten by a naga, and then we will have to adventure inside her gut, and fix it, and by fixing it, fixing her digestion problems.”
Dawn: “Wait, what about spelunking in a naga gut?”
Melaina: “Don't worry, I don't eat ponies. You guys don't crunch enough when you're made of stone. Way too soft, like marble.”

Dawn: “Your... family is in that temple? C’est dommage. Perhaps we can help you.”
Silver: “Yeah, yeah. The temple. Something about cheese.”
Dawn: (*grumbling*) “Votre attitude est le fromage.”

Nobility: “The guitar stay with us!”
Silver: “WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!”

Melaina: “Until you six came along, I was seriously considering asking a totally psycho spider queen to help me.”

Nobility: “I believe we have a good harmony in our group. But now if you excuse me, I have more OOC RP nonsense to write.”
Dawn: “Most of it having been manufactured in the OOC purely for drama entertainment because TNT--we know drama.”

Nobility: “Pencils are a fun tool for a coward and technologically challenged filly like me.”
Dawn: “Hey! I use pencils a lot and I'm no coward! They are an artist’s tool from a more civilized society.”
Silver: “Not as clumsy or random as a paintbrush.”

GM: “There is a skeleton with a waffle maker that could help you find some more Muse Bloom, but it probably won't be fried. Maybe a little marshmallowy-ectoplasmy.”

Dawn: “I think having a good boss really helps make a job easier to do. One who's personality can't be summed up as [Adjective]+[Fruit]”

Nobility: “She’s about to give birth any day now...”
Dawn: “Already?! But football season hasn't ended yet!”

[Fable Wright]

The ASPCA must hate you guys.

I just tried to show the rats television! How should I have known that'd melt their tiny little rat brains?

This is essentially what my Warehouse 23 campaigns are like.

Warehouse 23 is pretty similar to UA. Difference is, in Warehouse 23, the players stumble across the VCR. In Unknown Armies, the players wind up accidentally making it.

Nobility: “She can let us get eaten by a naga, and then we will have to adventure inside her gut, and fix it, and by fixing it, fixing her digestion problems.”
Dawn: “Wait, what about spelunking in a naga gut?”
Melaina: “Don't worry, I don't eat ponies. You guys don't crunch enough when you're made of stone. Way too soft, like marble.”

I suddenly really like Melaina, but have no clue why. Maybe her taste in stonework?

[Inevitability]

Player: I silently pray to the greatest of all forces, the being that even my creator must answer to. Probability.
DM: That's a fancy way to say 'my plans depend on a coin flip'.

[braveheart]

Me: yeah, but out of all the things in the world trying to kill you, only one can succeed

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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Warehouse 23 is pretty similar to UA. Difference is, in Warehouse 23, the players stumble across the VCR. In Unknown Armies, the players wind up accidentally making it.

This is a very good summation of the two settings.

I suddenly really like Melaina, but have no clue why. Maybe her taste in stonework?

Ho ho ho. *thumbs up*

Player: I silently pray to the greatest of all forces, the being that even my creator must answer to. Probability.
DM: That's a fancy way to say 'my plans depend on a coin flip'.

Was this player the Bard? Cause that sounds like a Bard line I'd say. :3

Me: yeah, but out of all the things in the world trying to kill you, only one can succeed

Unless death is a revolving door like in D&D where you get a free ice cream cone after your 3rd death.

GM: "Faintly magical, but it doesn't have a school."
Digo: "It dropped out of college?"

Nick: "Are you gonna check Jim Morrison for traps?"
Digo: "Jim Morrison?"
Nick: "Yeah, the Doors."
Chris: "People are strange..."

Nick: "There's a skull-shaped cork in the way."

Digo: *Makes the sound of viscous honey stopping a monk from charging into a door*

Digo: "Before we touch the skull, I have an easy idea we can try."
Nick: "Yeah, don't touch the skull."

Nick: "Your blanket turned into a Onesie."
Mel: "Cool!"
[Beat]
Digo: "Well don't just do something you fools, stand there!"

Mel: "So Deeg's now in a purple full-body suit?"
GM: "Everything up to his neck is covered in silk."
Nick: "Do me a favor--stab yourself with a dagger."
Digo: "Whyyyy?"
Nick: "Find out if you're Spiderman or Venom."
Digo: "..."
Nick: "See, he's now contemplating just how screwed he could be versus actually stabbing himself and finding out."

Spoiler: Click here for more quotes!

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Chris: "Can I ask you a question?"
Inanimate Skull: "Yes."
Party: "It talks?!"
Chris: "That makes the asking part easier. Okay, so..."

Nick: "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if-"
Skull: "Six pounds."

GM: "Can you read my chicken scratching?"
Chris: "..."
Nick: "I think you need another chicken."

Nick: "So your master is like Sauromon?"
Skull: "Please, by comparison Sauromon was a piker."

Chris: "Do me a favor, cleric. Say a prayer."
Digo: "Oh god..."
Nick: "That's a good start."

Mel: "Stuck to me like year-old underwear."

Chris: "I need to reboot my bird."

Mel: "Where's the mummy?"
GM: "Sitting on a throne upon a ten-foot dais."
Nick: "Shouldn't you be on an episode of Thundercats?"

Mel: "From what Chris said, the lich is a necromancer."
Digo: "So he has a hobby, big deal."
Mel: "I take Digo aside to the corner."
Digo: "And beat the crap out of me?"

Digo: "I swear to Luna, if Palpatine there pulls out a Memorex..."

Chris: "Oooh, a mystery. I love mysteries. I'm lousy at mysteries, but I love mysteries."

Digo: "It's a Friendship Report. 'Dear Emperor Palpatine, today I learned...'"

Chris: "Is this suit dangerous?"
Palpatine: "I don't know. Has it tried to harm him yet?"
Digo: "Not yet, but the day is still young."

GM: "No. You sang. You made my door cry."

GM: "This'll disappear like flatulence in a strong wind."

Mel: "Armond reminds me of Robin William's character in Bird Cage."
GM: "He's going to have a talk with you later. You won't like it."

Drow: "Acererak?! And you met him?!"
Chris: (*leans in uncomfortably close and whispers*) "And survived."

Mel: "He teleported into a lake."
Nick: "No, he teleported 100 feet above the lake."
Digo: "He quickly ended up in the lake then."
Chris: "Gravity being what it is."

Elminster: "Daughter of dragon wings."
Mel: "Yes?"
Elminster: "Make a wish."
Mel: *GASP*
Digo: "I'm covering up my head."

[Inevitability]

Was this player the Bard? Cause that sounds like a Bard line I'd say. :3

Nope, telepath psion. It just happened that they were dazed and contained, with their only line of defense an ability that gives foes a 50% chance of forgetting about them for a few seconds.

Spoiler alert: it worked.

[ZeroGear]

Drift: "Do you think those chains will hold him?"
Reason: "Don't know, he's surprised us before."
Amun: *tied up in several layers of chains* "This only minor setback!"

BBEG (Albadon): "So, you've managed to get past all my minions!"
Reason: "Wasn't easy."
Drift: "One almost gelded me!"
Reason: "Shame he failed."
Drift: "What?"
Reason: "Nothing."

Albadon: "Now then, why don't you both be good little ponies and surrender."
Drift: "Dude, we beat pretty much your whole crew, why would we give up?"
Albadon: "Well, you wouldn't want something bad to happen to your friend, would you?"
Reason: "...what friend?"
DM: The armored sphinx steps aside to reveal a blue pony with a silvery-white mane chained up on the floor behind him. Notably, she seems to be wearing a matching purple hat and cape with a starry pattern.
Trixie: "The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that you release her at once!"

Albadon: "Now, surrender or your friend shall taste my steel."
Reason: "Go ahead."
Albadon: "...what?"
Reason: "Go right ahead. She's not exactly our friend."
Trixie: "The Great and Powerful Trixie is not ok with this!"

Reason: "That reminds me, who's driving?"
Albadon: *completely tied up* "I'm driving, why?"
Reason and Drift: *rush to conductor's cabin*
Amun: *manning the controls* "Amun is good conductor!"
Drift: "...I'm not even going to ask."

Pinkie: "Hey! We have a new conductor!"
Reason: "New conductor?"
Drift: "Wait...don't tell me..."
Amun, in conductor's attire: "Amun have found dream job!"

[Urzamax]

Drift: "Do you think those chains will hold him?"
Reason: "Don't know, he's surprised us before."
Amun: *tied up in several layers of chains* "This only minor setback!"

Reason: "That reminds me, who's driving?"
Albadon: *completely tied up* "I'm driving, why?"
Reason and Drift: *rush to conductor's cabin*
Amun: *manning the controls* "Amun is good conductor!"
Drift: "...I'm not even going to ask."

Pinkie: "Hey! We have a new conductor!"
Reason: "New conductor?"
Drift: "Wait...don't tell me..."
Amun, in conductor's attire: "Amun have found dream job!"

Now that I read this, I realize that it's by far the best possible way that the Amun Saga could have ended.

[solidork]

DM: You see a message on the wall, written in blood. Do any of you know abyssal?
Barbarian: I bet it says, "Bless This Mess."

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

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Spoiler alert: it worked.

Yaaay!

Drift: "One almost gelded me!"
Reason: "Shame he failed."
Drift: "What?"
Reason: "Nothing."

Pffft, haha! I see someone is tired of Drift's bedroom antics. XD

DM: The armored sphinx steps aside to reveal a blue pony with a silvery-white mane chained up on the floor behind him. Notably, she seems to be wearing a matching purple hat and cape with a starry pattern.
Trixie: "The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that you release her at once!"

Reason: "Go right ahead. She's not exactly our friend."
Trixie: "The Great and Powerful Trixie is not ok with this!"

*GASP* The monsters!! D:

Haha, that probably would have worked on me. Course, my character would probably pull a Drift on her too.

Now that I read this, I realize that it's by far the best possible way that the Amun Saga could have ended.

It really is, yes. :D

Nobility: “Hmmm... More like a dog thingy with tentacles from his open and bleeding stomach, and his ribs are out as wings and turning people into a bleeding stomach less werewolves.”
Dawn: “Suddenly my OC has a new hobby to try out.”
Nobility: “Well, he probably won't do it with an overly bureaucratic and idiotic unit.”
Dawn: “It’s a big profession in Shadowrun.”
Nobility: “And in peace-time you’re giving them creams to fight fungus.”
Dawn: “Well… yeah, there is that aspect.”

Silver: “We are in the same dimension/timeline, only at a sooner or later point. The participants from the other Cycle exist in our world, and they may have gone before us or may be going after us. Our group knows them as five foals that suddenly went missing, or they know our group as five foals that suddenly went missing. The last one seems unlikely to me, given that we've never heard about anyone else getting the Cycle beta, but I don't know what the PCs in the first Cycle game did when they received their games. Still wanna know whether we know ponies who go by the names of the previous Cycle PC characters living in Ponyville. Which is not to say they must necessarily be the same people. ...I think I've gone cross-eyed.”

Silver: “I do wonder what happens to successful parties, though.”
Dawn: “I think the implication is we hadn't had a successful party yet.”

Silver: “Eh, I'll sleep on it a little.”
Dawn: *Raids the fridge while Silver sleeps*
Silver: “Oh noes not mah fridgez!”

Silver: “I swear, half of the IC thread is just taken up by me asking questions and complaining about people.”
Dawn: “Diva Simulator 2: Electric Boogaloo.”

[D.KnightSpider]

Spoiler: Responses

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Pinkie: "Hey! We have a new conductor!"
Reason: "New conductor?"
Drift: "Wait...don't tell me..."
Amun, in conductor's attire: "Amun have found dream job!"

Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life. :)

You should know me by now. It would be a crime if a good clothing pun never donned on me.

I wouldn't recommend fabric-ating any more-- they always come apart at the seams.

Digo: "Well don't just do something you fools, stand there!"

Please, for the love of stick figures, tell me that this reference was intentional.

GM: I'm just disappointed that you never made it to the King's Quest universe. We all know that a pun war between Graham and 'Statement would have been amazing.

Drex: Drex have good nap. Drex ready to save world now!
Gumdrop: That's... good. Do... raptors dreams?
Drex: Yes. Drex have dream about sheep that stick hoof in light socket.
Matter-Horn: That feels suspiciously like pun-based epic foreshadowing.

Sprocket: I look forward to my next life as a hood ornament.

Matter-Horn: That's not nearly fast enough, hon. We need at least another thirty.

GM: The Hulk's expression is a mix of Hillary Clinton discovering she lost the election and Miss Columbia finding out she was named winner by mistake.

Matter-Horn: I feel the need to tribute Ray by saying: "IN YO FACE, PROBABILITY!"

Gumdrop: Deploying secret weapon... now!
Berserk!Hulk: Hulk is the strongest there is!
SaddleRager: *Ejects from the back seat*: SaddleRager disagree.

GM: I feel a great disturbance in the force. As if a thousand bronies cried out in agony at missing this.

Gumdrop: There he is! Shade at ten o'clock!
Drex: Drex thought we looking for bad man, not place for picnic.
Gumdrop: ... We... are...

Gumdrop: What's the matter with her?
Matter-Horn: NNNNNNNNNNGHHH
Drex: Maybe Masked Matter-Horn need more fiber in diet?

Drex: Drex suspect that objects in smokescreen are smaller than they appear.

Gumdrop: Fortunately, I don't have a spine.
Drex: Drex jealous.

Matter-Horn: Can't... hold... it... much... longer...
Drex: This why Drex always go before we leave.
Gumdrop: Dinosaur toilet humor... can it get any lower than this?

Matter-Horn: I've had... enough... Why don't... you just...
Shade: *turns to attack Matter-Horn*
Matter-Horn: *releases overcharged ice ray in Shade's face* CHILL!

Drex: "The time has come, the raptor said, to perform my next turn. Using methane burps and Bic lighters, we'll discern whether Shades can burn!"

Drex: In future, Drex be half-dragon. Make this much easier.

Matter-Horn: Mr. Big would be so proud.

Reality Warper/Shade: Don't you get it? We're nothing more than playthings! Objects for the amusement of cosmic forces outside our universe. We're toys for their enjoyment. Once they bore of our existence, then they'll wipe us all out and create something else!
Matter-Horn: They call you 'Reality Warper' because you're warped in the head, right?

Reality Warper: The only way out is to stop being played and become a player!
Drex: But, girls already flock to Drex. Drex a stud.

Gumdrop: *Stuns Reality Warper* That will be enough incoherent rambling, thank you.

Gumdrop: So what do we do with him? Our usual M.O. of nuking the area isn't going to work.
Drex: Technically, we still could.

Matter-Horn: If you'll excuse me, I'm going to help SaddleRager beat up the Hulk.
*Party jumps as an unconscious Hulk is slammed face-first into their midst.*
SaddleRager: No need.

Matter-Horn: Well, friends, it's been fun. But I think I've had enough Agency work for a while. I'm going to go home, have some tea with SaddleRager and spend a few months beating up super-villains.
Gumdrop: My work here is done, as well. I joined the Agency to secure enough finance for my restaurant. That goal has been more than met.
Drex: Drex not sure what Drex do now. But Drex know that it be fun. With shotguns.

GM: Thank you all and good night.

[Joe the Rat]

Clued&D continues...

MonkeyMonk: Hopefully there won't be any more red herrings.
DM: Actually there's a whole barrel of then in the kitchen.

DM: Following the screams, you see Lady Cioelle fleeing up the stairs, the Ogre chasing after with bloody face and hands.
MonkeyMonk: I told you giving him raw meat was a bad idea!
DuelistDude: How was I supposed to know that would happen?
FairyHafling: It was on the invitation - "Don't feed the doorman!"

DM: As you drag the unconscious ogre to his room, you see Gygax the Cat sitting on one of the crates.
DuelistDude​: What's he doing?
DM: Looking unimpressed.
MonkeyMonk: Of course. He's a cat.

FairyHafling: I am sick of the suspense. Would the murder please kill someone already?!
DM: Sir Giacomo looks at you, shrugs, and pulls out a wicked sickle as he shrinks into a gnome with a big red hat. Before anyone can react, he slices Jack open.
NecroGnome: Wait, what?
FairyHafling: I didn't think that would actually work...

DM: The redcap falls, turning into a mushroom.
NecroGnome: I pick it up and eat it.
Party:

[Belac93]

Reincarnator "Let's set the docks on fire!"

ParadoxPirate "They'll love us, we gave him a proper funeral!"
DM "You killed him!"

Guard "You're under arrest!"
ParadoxPirate "How good are your jails?"

ParadoxPirate "I roll agility!"
DM "You sprain your ankle."

Guard "Why is there a fire in the middle of the street?"
ParadoxPirate "I'm cooking a fish!"

Reincarnator "I crowsurfed zombies!"

ParadoxPirate "I'm wearing a queen!"

ParadoxPirate "I don't want to sleep in the undead house."
Reincarnator "I do!"

Guard "You forgot to lock up the pirate again!"

[DuctTapeKatar]

Halfling Druid: *Casts entangle*

DM: The kobald is caught in the grass and roots and stuff.

Half-elf Paladin (Lawful Good): I use my flaming sword to set it on fire.

DM: Green grass doesn't ignite that well.

Half-elf Paladin: Dang it.

DM: You're supposed to be good, right? 'Cause that'd be a horrible way to die.



Half-elf Paladin: THEY'RE UNARMED!!! CHARGE!!!

DM: The kobalds running with the box decide to throw it aside and run for their lives.



Gnome Wizard: I think we should hide before the boat gets here.

DM: Roll for stealth.

Gnome: *Rolls crap*

DM: Worst time to wear bright, shiny red in a vibrant green bush.



DM: A zombie comes stumbling out of the ocean.

Half-elf Paladin: I'll let this one go.

Gnome Wizard: You are a paladin. Killing undead is kinda your thing.

Half-elf Paladin: I rolled a nat 20 on my hide check--there is no way I'm wasting it.



DM: So out there in the dark is a man holding a lantern walking away from the ship.

Half-Elf Paladin: I start to charge him.

DM: The guy turns to where you are, peering into the dark.

Half-elf Paladin: I turn on my flaming sword halfway there, then attack him.

DM: The man's face changed from confusion to sheer terror and screamed like a girl. Roll for damage.

Half-Elf Paladin: *Crits*

DM: You disembowel him instantly.



*SOME TIME LATER, AFTER OUR GNOME DECIDED TO GO ELF CLERIC INSTEAD*

DM: You begin to hear a voice in your head, calling you out out of camp.

Elf Cleric: I follow it.

*Spooky stuff ensues*



DM: *to Dwarf Fighter* you see the Cleric coming back from the woods.

Dwarf Fighter: Where'd you go?

Elf Cleric: Bathroom.

Dwarf Fighter: *Suspicious look*

[braveheart]

Wizard: "you've been most helpful father, here" hands over a gold piece
GM: wait are you sure you're neutral?
Everyone weighing the wizards good/evil actions
Me: SO I CAN LITTERALLY BUY MY ALLIGNMENT

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Barbarian: I bet it says, "Bless This Mess."

Pffft, perfect irony there. I like that concept... in fact, if I were the GM, I'd make it so.

I wouldn't recommend fabric-ating any more-- they always come apart at the seams.

Alright. I'll tighten my belt on the quality of punnery here before I get socked in the stomach.

Please, for the love of stick figures, tell me that this reference was intentional.

It was indeed an intentional reference.
...I hope we're thinking of the same reference though. XD

Matter-Horn: That's not nearly fast enough, hon. We need at least another thirty.

This could go in soooo many directions right now. I can't decide. XD

GM: I feel a great disturbance in the force. As if a thousand bronies cried out in agony at missing this.

*raises hand* :3

Matter-Horn: Can't... hold... it... much... longer...
Drex: This why Drex always go before we leave.

Drex was on his A-game this session, wasn't he?

Reality Warper/Shade: Don't you get it? We're nothing more than playthings! Objects for the amusement of cosmic forces outside our universe. We're toys for their enjoyment. Once they bore of our existence, then they'll wipe us all out and create something else!

Heh, this is some intriguing meta.

GM: Thank you all and good night.

sniff* It was so beautiful.

MonkeyMonk: Hopefully there won't be any more red herrings.
DM: Actually there's a whole barrel of then in the kitchen.

Haha... Yum XD

DM: Looking unimpressed.
MonkeyMonk: Of course. He's a cat.

Seems legit. I mean, I know a lot of cat owners and their cats never seem to be impressed by anything short of a rat exploding.

Guard "Why is there a fire in the middle of the street?"
ParadoxPirate "I'm cooking a fish!"

Not the strangest place to make dinner that I've seen, but indeed gets attention.

Half-elf Paladin (Lawful Good): I use my flaming sword to set it on fire.

Half-elf Paladin: THEY'RE UNARMED!!! CHARGE!!!

A bit ruthless aren't we, paladin? XD

Me: SO I CAN LITTERALLY BUY MY ALLIGNMENT

This is somewhat true in D&D.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Sinclair: I am not to be used as Bittorrent!

Fiona: We're being invaded by Canadians!
Ax: Sorry aboot taking over your planet, eh?

Fiona: You know, in the next campaign I'm running, dual wielding shotguns is a baseline power and you only get stronger from there.
Ax: *manic grin*

GM: You're not sure how he even drank that.
Ax: He has an Emergency Induction Port.

Sinclair: With all these clones around it's looking like my family reuinion.

Sinclair: I am rocking the nines today!
Ax: You mean like Hitler? Nein! Nein! Nei-
Sinclair: Please stop.

GM: Stop taking combat tips from the T-1000!

Sinclair: Ax, have a Snickers^®. You get bloodthristy when you're hungry.

[Spellbreaker26]

GM: He takes 12 points of piercing damage from your attack in sheep form, and 6 points of damage from embarrassment.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

GM: You're not sure how he even drank that.
Ax: He has an Emergency Induction Port.

Don't ask were it is.

GM: He takes 12 points of piercing damage from your attack in sheep form, and 6 points of damage from embarrassment.

Piercing damage from a sheep? O_o`

GM: "Fort Save DC 20 or suffer a strained pelvis and disadvantage to all swagger checks for 24 hours."

[Stealth Marmot]

Half-elf Paladin (Lawful Good):

Are you SURE that qualifier is accurate for this character?

[LastCenturion]

2nd Rogue: "Big-a** Bird Assassin."