LGBTAI+ #58 Infinity 2.0: The Darth Arminius Apology Thread

[Grytorm]

Oh hello. Good to see you again Miriel.

[Heliomance]

Glad you had a great time!


This seems way over the top. Female/male can have a stronger association with biology, so I've seen people who thinks it's problematic. But in practice, in English, although it does carry that connotation, it's also a fairly standard adjective.

Oh hey Miriel! It's been ages since you've been around! How are you doing?

ION, I just overhauled my OKCupid profile. Anyone mind giving some critiques?

[Miriel]

Oh hello. Good to see you again Miriel.

Hi

Oh hey Miriel! It's been ages since you've been around! How are you doing?

Fairly average. Recovering from some variety of burnout/other mental health thingie. Oh and I finished my master's, and I'm starting a PhD in September!

What about you?

[Shamash]

Fairly average. Recovering from some variety of burnout/other mental health thingie. Oh and I finished my master's, and I'm starting a PhD in September!

That's so cool :D What was your master about? How about your PhD what will it be about?

Bleh. 28 rolls around and I'm still living with my parents. Yay for time drifting past me

I know that "living with your parents" is a big deal for americans, but most of the contries is a very common thing. so it's not a big deal, besides the emotinal suport you resive or can give to them, you can re pay the afection they gave you as a kid and have you seen the prices of houses on today's economy? Oh dear.

Oh hey Miriel! It's been ages since you've been around! How are you doing?

ION, I just overhauled my OKCupid profile. Anyone mind giving some critiques?

It's not working

I went to a hardware store with my father and a very cute hunky guy asked for my help (He didn't knew which
pliers was used to cut wires) I'm not a big fan of tools but since my father is the type of guy who's favorite birthday gift is a screwdriver I learned a thing or too and I helped the guy.

My father saw it and complimented me for knowing which pliers did what and I almost remarked how cute the guy was.

*Sigh* I wish my parents were ok with me being gay so I could make comments like that with someone, or at least I had gay friends that allowed me to make comments like that.

That sucks :\ I also have no gay friends, but hey you have us, do you want to talk about the cute guys you saw?

[Heliomance]

It's not working

How bizarre. Don't know what's causing that, but have a text dump!

Spoiler

Show

My self-summary
Who am I? Who can truly know the measure of a woman?

Well, I suppose I have to try - there'd be little point in having this page if I didn't try to sell myself, would there now?

I am an experienced geek, well-versed in the art of pretending to be a mighty hero in a fantasy realm. I have saved many worlds, and rescued uncounted innocents from perils untold.

I am a theoretical traveller, dreaming about the distant lands I'll go and see someday, when I find someone to share them with.

I am a baby queer, less than a year on from my first Pride and excited for the bright colours and camaraderie of the next.

I am the granddaughter of the woman that invented Ready Brek.

Who am I? 2460- wait, no, that's something else.

What I’m doing with my life
Working nine to five. Learning to code better. Gaming with friends. Attending a lot of other people's weddings. Dodging questions about when it's my turn. Learning to play the tin whistle. Sewing a dress. Learning to live, rather than exist.

I’m really good at
Singing - though not in any sensible range
Advanced maths - a skill that, having graduated university, I will never use again
Pretending I know how to adult

The first things people usually notice about me
Once upon a time, it would have been my waistcoats, top hat, and fancy longcoat. That stopped a few years ago. I have just bought half a dozen new waistcoats though, so watch this space...

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I sadly don't read nearly as much as I used to. I've been an ardent devourer of fantasy and sci-fi in my time - Terry Pratchett, Anne McCaffrey, Jim Butcher, Tamora Pierce... These days I mostly read fanfiction. I miss books, but the internet is just so convenient.

Films: I am fickle in my favour for films, fleetingly fancying first one, then another, depending on what I've seen recently. I do have a fondness for the current trend of superhero films, though.

TV: Doctor Who, Sens8, iZombie, Lucifer, American Gods, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. One of these things is not like the others, one of these things does not belong. American Gods is still great, though, despite being a lot darker than the others I've listed!

Music: By number of tracks on my phone, my top four artists are Nightwish, Meatloaf, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and Lindsey Stirling. I like a pretty eclectic mix, quite heavy on the classic rock and symphonic metal, but there's space for some good old-fashioned cheese in my heart!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Life, the Universe, and Everything. The idea of thought. Who I am. Which of my favourite fiction settings would make totally awesome crossovers.

On a typical Friday night I am
Gaming with friends in lands as exotic as they are distant (by which I mean Southampton). The ability of the Internet to bridge a little thing like spatial disparity is a wondrous thing.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My sexuality confuses me.

You should message me if
you understand what the connection is between what I think about and the number 42, you'd like to ask me questions about something on here, or if you find my particular brand of self-deprecating humour amusing! Mostly, though, if you like what you've seen here and think you'd like to get to know me.

In the interests of full disclosure, I'm trans. If you're okay with that, I'd really love to hear from you! If you're not, better you know now than us both being disappointed once we've struck up a connection.

EDIT: Page might be working again now. I had the "no straight people allowed" filter set, I've just turned it off.

[Miriel]

That's so cool :D What was your master about? How about your PhD what will it be about?

My master's was on youth in Renaissance Venice. My PhD will be completely unrelated: oral history of the trans community in my city.

[Lissou]

Helio, your page is working for me now.

I think it's pretty good, although the very start is a bit weak. I would cut the part about "I have to try writing something", and start directly with the something. Other than that, no suggestions from me. Your profile is very nice and I'd probably send you a message if I wasn't straight (and far away). Good luck!

[Orcus The Vile]

"Who am I? 2460- wait, no, that's something else."

I don't get this joke.

[Heliomance]

"Who am I? 2460- wait, no, that's something else."

I don't get this joke.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2sanq2SM0k

[The Succubus]

*raises hand* Question - is the Trans-Siberian Orchestra actually trans?

[Professor Gnoll]

*raises hand* Question - is the Trans-Siberian Orchestra actually trans?

About as much as the Trans-Siberian Railway.

[noparlpf]

Trans-Siberian? Yes. Transgender? I can't speak for them as a collective; you'd have to ask the individual players.

[Heliomance]

About as much as the Trans-Siberian Railway.

I very much doubt it - it seems unlikely to me that they come from opposite ends of Siberia.

[Orcus The Vile]

I liked your profile Heliomance, good luck on this new adventure. :)

[The Succubus]

About as much as the Trans-Siberian Railway.

So more trainsgender than transgender then? :3

[Lentrax]

So more trainsgender than transgender then? :3

Trainsgender: Get on board.

[golentan]

Trainsgender: Get on board.

Gives a different meaning to riding someone, for sure.

[Iethloc]

The last month or so has been full of emotional turmoil for me, but I think it's finally settled down. Here's some of the stuff that happened:

Turns out I probably can't ever stop one of my medications because I get withdrawal from stopping it (which I've heard is not normal for this med), and that withdrawal primarily involved suicidal ideation. It got to the point where I was making plans. This lasted for about three weeks, with no signs of improvement, before I was allowed to start the medication again.

A little over a month ago, I got a girlfriend! We've had some very good times because we get along very well and share some...interests, but we've also had some rough times because both of us have had stretches of bad mental health recently (like the above for me).

I switched from sublingual estrogen pills to patches. I no longer have to dissolve anything under my tongue! I was really getting tired of that. Now I get to feel paranoid about whether the patch is staying on instead!

Because of all the stuff that has happened, I still haven't applied for a job. However, I did get contacted by someone about getting my nursing assistance certification, so that's moving forward, if slowly.

[DanaK]

Happy pride month, everyone :)

[WarKitty]

So, um, this is going to be more half-coherent thoughts than anything else.

How does queer identity work when one is in a heterosexual relationship? Like, I mean, the fact that I'm dating a guy doesn't mean I'm necessarily not interested in women, but it also means I'm not going to be doing things at the moment with women.

I realize this is a vague question, but I'm just kind of looking for general comments/reflections.

[noparlpf]

Half-coherent? I can work with that.

I'm not bi/pan so I don't know what else to suggest, but like, does NOT being in a relationship mean somebody is automatically asexual? No, that's silly. Your sexuality is what it is regardless of whom you're dating. It might help to not think of a relationship as having a sexuality, which if you think about it sounds kind of weird anyway. Consider it mixed-gender, as opposed to same-gender. That describes what it involves without implying the relationship is a distinct entity thinking about what other kinds of relationships it does or doesn't want to sleep with.

[Kalmageddon]

Now that the LGBT questions thread is not a thing anymore, is it ok to post questions and musings here? There didn't seem to be enough interest in it to keep it afloat anyway, so I'm not sure opening another one would be worth it.

[Lycunadari]

The last month or so has been full of emotional turmoil for me, but I think it's finally settled down. Here's some of the stuff that happened:

Turns out I probably can't ever stop one of my medications because I get withdrawal from stopping it (which I've heard is not normal for this med), and that withdrawal primarily involved suicidal ideation. It got to the point where I was making plans. This lasted for about three weeks, with no signs of improvement, before I was allowed to start the medication again.

A little over a month ago, I got a girlfriend! We've had some very good times because we get along very well and share some...interests, but we've also had some rough times because both of us have had stretches of bad mental health recently (like the above for me).

I switched from sublingual estrogen pills to patches. I no longer have to dissolve anything under my tongue! I was really getting tired of that. Now I get to feel paranoid about whether the patch is staying on instead!

Because of all the stuff that has happened, I still haven't applied for a job. However, I did get contacted by someone about getting my nursing assistance certification, so that's moving forward, if slowly.

Huh, that's weird with the med. I hope it doesn't have any bad side effects at least, if you have to continue taking it?
Also, congrats on getting a girlfriend.

So, um, this is going to be more half-coherent thoughts than anything else.

How does queer identity work when one is in a heterosexual relationship? Like, I mean, the fact that I'm dating a guy doesn't mean I'm necessarily not interested in women, but it also means I'm not going to be doing things at the moment with women.

I realize this is a vague question, but I'm just kind of looking for general comments/reflections.

I've wondered about this as well. But like noparlpf mentioned, you don't stop being queer because you're dating someone of the opposite binary gender. And I think it also depends on how important your queer identity is for you personally - like, if you're someone who does a lot of activism for queer rights, with lots of queer friends, and being queer is a big part of your identity, that will probably not change much because of your partner, while for someone who isn't really involved in queer stuff being queer might sort of lose importance for them depending on their partner's gender.
Also, I've read this post about a similar topic a while ago:

Spoiler

Show

ime bi people’s m/f relationships look Really Different from relationships between two straight people because bi folks have usually done a lot more questioning of heteropatriarchy and the Standard Straight Relationship Script. so like, for the most part, we handle gender roles differently, we handle sex differently (idk about hard science but I’ve read and heard a ton of anecdotes about bi folks being way less invested in piv than straight folks), we conduct our relationships in ways that work for us rather than conforming to the default heteronormative narrative b/c most of us have realized that that’s not the only option.

and the statistics from the CDC, the ones that reveal that bi men and women experience more intimate partner violence than straight or gay people in their gender groups, the ones that reveal that perpetrators of ipv against bi people are largely of the “opposite” gender…I think those do a lot to confirm that bi folks conduct their m/f relationships a lot differently than straight people, and are punished for it by straight partners who want them to conform to heteronormativity.

so please, please don’t dismiss these very significant differences by claiming that our m/f relationships are het/straight relationships or that we’re “het partnered” or anything else to imply that we’re the same as straight people in certain contexts because we’re really not.

Source

Now that the LGBT questions thread is not a thing anymore, is it ok to post questions and musings here? There didn't seem to be enough interest in it to keep it afloat anyway, so I'm not sure opening another one would be worth it.

I dunno, I'd like this thread to stay as safe and not potentially upsetting as possible - we had the other thread for a reason. Maybe ask a mod if it's okay to revive it or to make a new thread?

[Kalmageddon]

Alright, I've asked over at the site issues subgroup to revive it. If they say no, thought, I'm not going to be the one to make a new thread.
Basically I just wanted to ask a few things about prides, I think it's a fairly safe subject, but I won't push it.
Maybe open another one yourself, Lycunadari? I don't feel "qualified".

[Comrade]

The last month or so has been full of emotional turmoil for me, but I think it's finally settled down. Here's some of the stuff that happened:

Turns out I probably can't ever stop one of my medications because I get withdrawal from stopping it (which I've heard is not normal for this med), and that withdrawal primarily involved suicidal ideation. It got to the point where I was making plans. This lasted for about three weeks, with no signs of improvement, before I was allowed to start the medication again.

A little over a month ago, I got a girlfriend! We've had some very good times because we get along very well and share some...interests, but we've also had some rough times because both of us have had stretches of bad mental health recently (like the above for me).

I switched from sublingual estrogen pills to patches. I no longer have to dissolve anything under my tongue! I was really getting tired of that. Now I get to feel paranoid about whether the patch is staying on instead!

Because of all the stuff that has happened, I still haven't applied for a job. However, I did get contacted by someone about getting my nursing assistance certification, so that's moving forward, if slowly.

Sorry to hear about the medication issues. Congratulations on the girlfriend and the certification, though!

[Astrella]

Mrrr, I find myself drifting towards reading r/gendercritical and other terf-y / transphobic stuff again and it's not good for me. and with surgery approaching and all the doubts and fears that come with that I'm feeling a bit bluh about trans stuff.

[WarKitty]

Mrrr, I find myself drifting towards reading r/gendercritical and other terf-y / transphobic stuff again and it's not good for me. and with surgery approaching and all the doubts and fears that come with that I'm feeling a bit bluh about trans stuff.

As someone else who tends to stray into unwise corners of the internet, I sympathize. (I've been getting into arguments with redpillers lately...)

Maybe try taking a walk when you feel that way? Or closing down things like reddit and playing a game?

[thorgrim29]

So my sister came out as bi a few weeks ago. Apparently I was the last in our close family to know by about 6 months because my parents didn't take it particularly well (they would have been fine with lesbian but the bi thing threw them off and still kind of does. I think it's a generation thing) and she got scared afterwards. It's weird, I'm a bit sore about that and I feel bad about feeling sore. On the one hand we've always been very close and have had discussions about sexuality many times so I'm not sure why she was scared to talk to me about it, but on the other hand it's her life, a potentially traumatic experience to begin with, plus she's dealing with a burnout at the moment so I can't expect her to act as rationally as she usually does. I'm pissed at my parents but at the same time I understand that bisexuality is not a thing they were really aware of 7 months ago.

Anyway, everyone is going to be fine (my grandpa might be an issue but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it) and everything, I'm just feeling a bunch of contradictory things about the whole situation and I was wondering if you guys might have some wisdom to share on the subject coming at it from the other side.

[Icewraith]

So, um, this is going to be more half-coherent thoughts than anything else.

How does queer identity work when one is in a heterosexual relationship? Like, I mean, the fact that I'm dating a guy doesn't mean I'm necessarily not interested in women, but it also means I'm not going to be doing things at the moment with women.

I realize this is a vague question, but I'm just kind of looking for general comments/reflections.

If you're willingly in an exclusive relationship, your identity doesn't really matter. Your relationship is with the person you're exclusive with, however they happen to be set up.

If you want to fantasize or browse the internet regarding areas of your identity your SO doesn't scratch, just make sure it's on your own time and not affecting your relationship. Be really careful about this, because it can very easily affect your relationship without you realizing at first.

[WarKitty]

If you're willingly in an exclusive relationship, your identity doesn't really matter. Your relationship is with the person you're exclusive with, however they happen to be set up.

With all due respect, not everyone feels like their identity "doesn't matter" simply because of the particular relationship they are in. Particularly those of us who have gone through a lot of struggle and issues to manage to work with our identities.