LGBTAI+ #58 Infinity 2.0: The Darth Arminius Apology Thread

[Nat_Zero]

I've had a question for a while, never got a chance to ask - am I correct in assuming that you guys' ideal world would never have any case of separate gender categories, be it for bathrooms or the Olympics or pro teams?

The word "categories" there is a little confusing. My ideal world will still have people of all gender identities identifying however they wish- I certainly don't want to make everyone be non-binary! However I would love a world where people don't make assumptions about people's gender based on the way they look, and generally think it would be great if people stopped using gendered language based on assumptions.

Instead I would prefer that people who you interact with in passing (waiters, announcers, clerks...) would use gender-neutral language like "Your attention please" or "Good morning folks" etc. In the case of people who you interact with regularly (co-workers, family, friends, classmates...) I wish that people would ask you your pronouns and preferred forms of address, and that it wouldn't be a big deal.

For bathrooms, yeah I totally want all bathrooms to be genderless bathrooms. It's weird to me that where I live at least they've only just begun switching single stall bathrooms from "Men" and "Women" signage to just "Bathroom" signage. I don't care much for sports, but I think that divisions based on some other category like weight/height/ability would be perfectly fine.

It's sadly not my official ID (that has still my old name and assigned gender, and probably will for the foreseeable future), but it is a nice step that let's me use my new name at least sometimes (and I'll probably still need my official ID a lot because the Ergänzungsausweis doesn't have all the information, like my birthday).

And thanks! I actually got a new haircut last week, so I look a bit different now ^_^

Spoiler: Haircut!

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That is a nice step! Some states are allowing an X on official ID, but I think it's only one or two now. Also, yup, still cute.

[Jormengand]

My only wish is that on April 1, all London Underground announcements are preceded by Rob Beckett going "OI YOU LOT"

All London Underground announcements should be done by the announcer from the Stanley Parable.

[Asmodean_]

All London Underground announcements should be done by the announcer from the Stanley Parable.

Oh, did u take the Broom Closet line? Theb room closet line was my favrite!! XD

[Jormengand]

Oh, did u take the Broom Closet line? Theb room closet line was my favrite!! XD

Spoiler: Stanley Parable

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"Hello everyone. Please be aware that there are delays on the mind control line, the parking lot line, and the falling to your death in an attempt to prove that you have a level of control over the story line. There is a good service on all other lines."

[Lentrax]

I hate my life.

That is all.

[Trekkin]

I hate my life.

That is all.

Well, then I really hope you feel better soon, and if you want to talk we're all here for you.

[John Cribati]

I feel like I should be happy that, at least in America, a good number of people have a fictional character they can compare me to when I say I'm asexual.

But on the other hand, that character is Sheldon Cooper and every time someone says that I die a little on the inside.

As for gender, I feel like I'm the equivalent of an atheist when it comes to that. Like... obviously the idea of gender is there in pretty much every culture but there are so many expressions of it that it feels... fake?

[The Extinguisher]

I feel like I should be happy that, at least in America, a good number of people have a fictional character they can compare me to when I say I'm asexual.

But on the other hand, that character is Sheldon Cooper and every time someone says that I die a little on the inside.

As for gender, I feel like I'm the equivalent of an atheist when it comes to that. Like... obviously the idea of gender is there in pretty much every culture but there are so many expressions of it that it feels... fake?

My best friend is the same way. And it doesn't help that they are also taller and have a similar, face shape, so they get the comparison a lot. They hate it.

I'm really struggling on whether or not to go to Pride today. I don't know anyone here (I just moved), and I'm bad at talking and meeting people. But I feel like not going is bad, and it's not like it's unsafe for me to go.
:/

[JusticeZero]

I'm really struggling on whether or not to go to Pride today. I don't know anyone here (I just moved), and I'm bad at talking and meeting people.

Isn't that basically why you should go..? To meet people? It's easy to talk to people at Pride.

[Lycunadari]

I just wrote a long coming out email to my godfather.

[JusticeZero]

I just wrote a long coming out email to my godfather.

Goodness! How are you feeling now? *hugs a bunch*

I'm just sitting around simmering in dysphoria, myself. Sick equals sitting around being introspective equals probably not my best idea ever, neither was talking to a cis girl because cis girls always start talking periods with me for some unfathomable reason. *jealous*
I wish I knew how to help with the coming outing parts. I never found a good way to do that. I've more or less run out of people to fumble through it though.. and nowadays it's pretty severely obvious on sight anyways.

[JNAProductions]

I just wrote a long coming out email to my godfather.

*Offers hugs*

Good luck! I hope that your godfather is supportive about it!

Goodness! How are you feeling now? *hugs a bunch*

I'm just sitting around simmering in dysphoria, myself. Sick equals sitting around being introspective equals probably not my best idea ever, neither was talking to a cis girl because cis girls always start talking periods with me for some unfathomable reason. *jealous*
I wish I knew how to help with the coming outing parts. I never found a good way to do that. I've more or less run out of people to fumble through it though.. and nowadays it's pretty severely obvious on sight anyways.

*Offers hugs as well*

Maybe feel fortunate that you don't have to deal with the bleeding and pain? Regardless, though, you've got my sympathy. And know that you are 100% a woman, even if your biology ain't realizing that.

[Sobol]

A website which procedurally generates random motivational quotes:

http://inspirobot.me/

Some are unexpectedly profound.

Spoiler: Example

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[ArlEammon]

I just wrote a long coming out email to my godfather.

God father? I hope he doesn't shoot you, give you cement shoes or make you an offer you can't refuse.

[Lycunadari]

Goodness! How are you feeling now? *hugs a bunch*

I'm just sitting around simmering in dysphoria, myself. Sick equals sitting around being introspective equals probably not my best idea ever, neither was talking to a cis girl because cis girls always start talking periods with me for some unfathomable reason. *jealous*
I wish I knew how to help with the coming outing parts. I never found a good way to do that. I've more or less run out of people to fumble through it though.. and nowadays it's pretty severely obvious on sight anyways.

I'm doing okay - nervous, of course, but okay.

*offers hugs* Dysphoria sucks (as do periods, but I get where you're coming from). Can you distract yourself with anything? Reading or playing video games or something?
Yeah, coming out is hard. For some reason I thought I should come out to people in person if possible, but a friend convinced me that writing a letter might be a better idea, and I have to agree that it is much less stressful this way. (I was a sobbing mess when I came out to my mum in person, anything is better than that.)

*Offers hugs*

Good luck! I hope that your godfather is supportive about it!

Thanks! I don't really know what to expect from him - I don't think he'll be outright hostile or anything, but from "stop being deluded" to super supportive everything is possible.

God father? I hope he doesn't shoot you, give you cement shoes or make you an offer you can't refuse.

Is that a reference to something? 'Cause joking about a trans person being shot after coming out would be in pretty bad taste.

A website which procedurally generates random motivational quotes:

http://inspirobot.me/

Some are unexpectedly profound.

Spoiler: Example

Show

Inspirobot is great, most of the quotes are really absurd, but occasionally it does produce really great ones.

Spoiler: Like this one for trans people

Show

[JusticeZero]

*offers hugs* Dysphoria sucks (as do periods, but I get where you're coming from). Can you distract yourself with anything? Reading or playing video games or something?

I haven't had the energy or focus even for video games for the past couple days. it's pathetic..

Is that a reference to something? 'Cause joking about a trans person being shot after coming out would be in pretty bad taste.

Movie reference to the movie "The Godfather" about Italian organized crime in America.

Maybe feel fortunate that you don't have to deal with the bleeding and pain? Regardless, though, you've got my sympathy. And know that you are 100% a woman, even if your biology ain't realizing that.

Yeah, let's just not go there. But thank you for trying.
It's just a vague nagging feeling of "Something was supposed to happen sometime in the last few weeks that didn't, something is wrong" added to that reminder of "You are the only one that has nothing to contribute to this conversation - you don't belong here" that bugs the heck out of me. When I say something about it, I get a whole bunch of bewildered looks, like why would I want to experience the same obnoxious things my friends do? And yeah I know they are obnoxious, I have had to deal with my husband fighting with them... doesn't make me feel better about the matter. uuugh.

[Jormengand]

Inspirobot is great, most of the quotes are really absurd, but occasionally it does produce really great ones.

"Don't aspire to romance. Why not just explore your body?"
"You don't need to be at the right place at the right time to create a movement."
"Only when you manage to comprehend the dark side of your true self will you actually discover ideas."
"Loneliness is lethal."
"Wait for others to follow. Or don't."
"Don't alienate strangers. Inspire others."
"Don't go away. Allow yourself to cry."
"Realising that you are a man is what makes you uncontrollable."
"Of course you are wanted. Of course you are dignified. Of course you are unique."
"Stay well. Be yourself."

Spoiler: Less relevant to this thread but worth it for a laugh.

Show

"Board meetings are designed to be destroyed by free thinkers."
"A human brain is almost identical to an office building... awesome for everyone, except monkeys."
"Many people become tourists because they get free candy."
"Fight for hunger. Trust death."
"The geniuses who trust truth are not as bad as the geniuses who trust breasts."
"Don't worry about being on time for your shrinking awkwardness. Just jump up and down repeatedly."
"Kaleize. Looserization" [Sic in both cases!]
"If you are the only one enjoying the bedroom then you are the bedroom."
"Investigate the dark side."

[Sobol]

Relevant to D&D: "A vampire can be an ass, but an ass can't be a vampire."

I also like how sometimes the juxtaposition of text and image creates a new layer of meaning.

[The Extinguisher]

Isn't that basically why you should go..? To meet people? It's easy to talk to people at Pride.

I think you're underestimating just how Bad At Making Friends I am.

But I did end up going and enjoying myself. I mostly sat around in the shade and just soaked in the gay energy but it's always such a feel good experience to see that many not straight people gathered together and having fun. And it was surprisingly not corporatized which was also nice to see.

[JNAProductions]

Yeah, let's just not go there. But thank you for trying.
It's just a vague nagging feeling of "Something was supposed to happen sometime in the last few weeks that didn't, something is wrong" added to that reminder of "You are the only one that has nothing to contribute to this conversation - you don't belong here" that bugs the heck out of me. When I say something about it, I get a whole bunch of bewildered looks, like why would I want to experience the same obnoxious things my friends do? And yeah I know they are obnoxious, I have had to deal with my husband fighting with them... doesn't make me feel better about the matter. uuugh.

Sorry. :(

Regardless, you deserve to be a happy woman. So I hope nothing but good things for you.

[Lycunadari]

My godfather replied and everything is good.

[Orcus The Vile]

*Gives Orcus a serious nod*

Is this... A good thing?

You know, the other side of the coin is that there really are a lot of people out there who want Mr. Right Now for some recreational wiggling who do not necessarily want a long commitment. There's nothing wrong with getting into a relationship that is "We bang each other raw and silly, and now and then we might hang out a bit".
Those relationships aren't unattainable or even exotic. Especially among those who are running primarily testosterone - ye gods, that stuff flipped a breaker switch in my husband, and my getting rid of it got rid of a whole lot of really annoying reactions that were annoying ME before.

Not the same, you can see by his posts that he has very low self-esteem, you know how painful can be to use those dating apps for someone with low self-esteem? It’s devastating. To see all those hunky cute guys and none are interest in you, it's horrible, or so I heard since I like the other poster have some series demands about what and how to do things in bed I knew that a conventional "meet and ****" would not work since I'm not interest in what most gay guys are interests and I can see that the Luz is in the same boat.

To demand so much, cute and muscular guy, who is willing to do what you want while you don't plan to what he wants is a very difficult attitude to have in a "We bang each other raw and silly, and now and then we might hang out a bit" situation.

If he is not “willing to be taken from behind or to take someone from behind” his probability of success using those apps such as grindr and hornet is very small.

[Icewraith]

Is this... A good thing?



Not the same, you can see by his posts that he has very low self-esteem, you know how painful can be to use those dating apps for someone with low self-esteem? It’s devastating. To see all those hunky cute guys and none are interest in you, it's horrible, or so I heard since I like the other poster have some series demands about what and how to do things in bed I knew that a conventional "meet and ****" would not work since I'm not interest in what most gay guys are interests and I can see that the Luz is in the same boat.

To demand so much, cute and muscular guy, who is willing to do what you want while you don't plan to what he wants is a very difficult attitude to have in a "We bang each other raw and silly, and now and then we might hang out a bit" situation.

If he is not “willing to be taken from behind or to take someone from behind” his probability of success using those apps such as grindr and hornet is very small.

Some people just don't find satisfaction in hookups either. Maybe it's innate, maybe it's how you grow up, but I know a couple people of different orientations who got tired of looking for romance, jumped headfirst into hookup culture, and burned out quickly.

[Orcus The Vile]

Some people just don't find satisfaction in hookups either. Maybe it's innate, maybe it's how you grow up, but I know a couple people of different orientations who got tired of looking for romance, jumped headfirst into hookup culture, and burned out quickly.

What do you mean? What do you mean by "burned out quickly"? Just as the dating and marriage? Look at the divorces rates my friend, just look at it.

[Knaight]

Look at the divorces rates my friend, just look at it.

Three things:
1) The divorce rate is totally irrelevant to whether or not people as individuals quickly tire of casual hookups. If the point of contention had to do with social success rates it would be more relevant, but even then it's tenuous unless a direct comparison is being made.
2) The divorce rate isn't a perfect proxy for the failed marriage rate. A marriage that ends amicably and that was generally good for the duration is effectively a success, whereas one that doesn't end but is miserable for at least one of the people in it is a failure. This is particularly worth keeping in mind when looking at divorce rate increases, as a lot of those map fairly well to people finally managing to escape marriages that had already failed.
3) The general rate is heavily skewed by a few factors and thus not a great predictor for individual marriages. People marrying really young (18-20 or so) because of a subcultural mandate to marry young are extremely disproportionately likely to later divorce, and people who are prone to short marriages for whatever reason can have several for the one that people in long marriages have, thus driving the per-marriage divorce rate well above the per-person divorce rate.

[Orcus The Vile]

Three things:
1) The divorce rate is totally irrelevant to whether or not people as individuals quickly tire of casual hookups. If the point of contention had to do with social success rates it would be more relevant, but even then it's tenuous unless a direct comparison is being made.
2) The divorce rate isn't a perfect proxy for the failed marriage rate. A marriage that ends amicably and that was generally good for the duration is effectively a success, whereas one that doesn't end but is miserable for at least one of the people in it is a failure. This is particularly worth keeping in mind when looking at divorce rate increases, as a lot of those map fairly well to people finally managing to escape marriages that had already failed.
3) The general rate is heavily skewed by a few factors and thus not a great predictor for individual marriages. People marrying really young (18-20 or so) because of a subcultural mandate to marry young are extremely disproportionately likely to later divorce, and people who are prone to short marriages for whatever reason can have several for the one that people in long marriages have, thus driving the per-marriage divorce rate well above the per-person divorce rate.

Oh I misread "hookup culture" as "paying for sex culture" rather than "meet and gave sex with strangers culture". Yeah I guess it's not for everyone it's centrally not for me.

[Icewraith]

Oh I misread "hookup culture" as "paying for sex culture" rather than "meet and gave sex with strangers culture". Yeah I guess it's not for everyone it's centrally not for me.

I'm assuming that if someone finds hookup culture in general to be unsatisfactory because they want a relationship, paying directly for sex will be at least equally unsatisfactory.

[Coidzor]

My godfather replied and everything is good.

I'm glad things turned out well.

[Shamash]

Oh I misread "hookup culture" as "paying for sex culture" rather than "meet and gave sex with strangers culture". Yeah I guess it's not for everyone it's centrally not for me.

But it's also possible to "burned out quickly “in a "paying for sex culture", I had a friend who like you was also shy and with unreasonable expatiations on his partners without the desire to become more desirable and meet his own standards, he also saw on hiring guys to have fun as a way out, but just like "paying to win" in video games can lead to addictions so does "paying to win" in social and romantic games can make someone addicted to it.

My friend was so addicted to it, that in two months before our intervention he had spent $1300 on guys. Luckily he had the means to pay but I can see how such addiction can lead to someone's downfall

Since it's something that is not that cheap you need to be careful not to invest so much money on something that will only leave you empty in the end, I rather spend this money on a lasting relationship with a therapist that will make me a better person and ready for a "free" emotional secure relationship.. But each to their own.

[ArlEammon]

I'm glad things turned out well.

If he actually did shoot him I would have been sadder than than I even would be if I hadn't made the Godfather joke. lol.