Respecting LGBTQ people: Is this character backstory disrespectful or flattering?

[Madokar]

I recently joined a new campaign, and made an Aasimar (Angelkin) paladin. After reading over my copy of "Blood of Angels", a passage on Aasimar origins and births struck my fancy. It basically boils down to same-sex couples praying for children and being blessed with an Aasimar child. So I thought: what if my Aasimar paladin was born to a lesbian couple who wanted a child?

After all things like height, weight and age were calculated, my Aasimar paladin Ragathon (named after the Empyreal Lord Ragathiel) is 76 years old from Vigil in Lastwall. He's buried his birth mother after she's died of old age, and his second mother disappeared during a campaign in the Hold of Belkzen decades ago.

I see Ragathon's parents as being a paladin and cleric of Iomedae. With his birth mother being the cleric. I like the concept, but I'm a bit leery of using gay characters as my parents in my backstory. Mainly because I'm a straight white man born to straight parents and I worry about being insensitive to other groups.

[Vaz]

You cab play a murderous evil racist who.commits sacrifices and worships.elder eviks, but as soon as being Gay gets involed, people lose their cool?

You're fine. Be a decent human being IRL and you can play any character you want in our made up story.

[Calthropstu]

If you have to worry about offending people with a fantasy setting character backstory, then the world is in a sad state of affairs indeed.

[Troacctid]

LGBTQ person here. That sounds adorable. The only problem is...

his second mother (or "father")

...lesbian couples don't have one partner who's the "man." They're both women. That's kind of the point. So, there is no "father," just two mothers.

Also, that's not really how aasimars usually work, but whatever.

If you have to worry about offending people with a fantasy setting character backstory, then the world is in a sad state of affairs indeed.

I think it's great that he wanted to go the extra mile to make sure he wasn't being disrespectful. I've seen far too many cringeworthy stereotypes from people who had no idea what they were doing.

[Madokar]

LGBTQ person here. That sounds adorable. The only problem is...

...lesbian couples don't have one partner who's the "man." They're both women. That's kind of the point. So, there is no "father," just two mothers.

Also, that's not really how aasimars usually work, but whatever.


I think it's great that he wanted to go the extra mile to make sure he wasn't being disrespectful. I've seen far too many cringeworthy stereotypes from people who had no idea what they were doing.

Part of why I ask these questions. The paladin mother was a bit more masculine but still identified as female. I suppose I identified the paladin parent as the father figure because she acted in that capacity. So I learned something today. Don't categorize same-sex parents with traditional parental roles unless they identify with the roles.

The Blood of Angels book clearly states that aasimars can be born to same-sex couples that pray for children, though. Don't really understand how that's supposed to work for two gay men, though...

[nyjastul69]

...Don't really understand how that's supposed to work for two gay men, though...

I think a stork is involved in that one. ;)

[ExLibrisMortis]

The Blood of Angels book clearly states that aasimars can be born to same-sex couples that pray for children, though. Don't really understand how that's supposed to work for two gay men, though...

Miracle is a very versatile spell.

[Zanos]

I think that's a third party book, but whatever. I seriously doubt anyone but the most purposely offended would take issue with your backstory.

[Madokar]

I think that's a third party book, but whatever. I seriously doubt anyone but the most purposely offended would take issue with your backstory.

Nope. Blood of Angels is written by Paizo for Pathfinder.

https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca...=Home&ikwidx=0

[Melcar]

This is supposed to be a game about fantasy, where the murder of innocent children is sometimes fine. It's all about having fun, and is someone at your table is "triggered" by some ingame thing, I would say find another less overly sensitive friend... Racism is build into the game, who cares if it would hurt some LGBTQ people… IT’S A GAME!

[FreddyNoNose]

We have become a nation of people who are tissue paper tough.

Find another player to play in your game.

[Madokar]

This is supposed to be a game about fantasy, where the murder of innocent children is sometimes fine. It's all about having fun, and is someone at your table is "triggered" by some ingame thing, I would say find another less overly sensitive friend... Racism is build into the game, who cares if it would hurt some LGBTQ people… IT’S A GAME!

I care. Because how I play and conceive of a character reflects on me as a person outside the game. And I care about how I interpret LGBTQ issues.

Some people say they play evil characters as an outlet or a fantasy. If you need to fantasize about hurting people, I personally feel that you have some issues in your life you need to address. That isn't a rule for every player of evil characters, but it's my personal opinion. Because I play good characters, especially paladins, since whenever I play as the hero, as a definitive "good guy", it grants me a sense of catharsis and sense of accomplishment.

[Max Caysey]

Are you genuinely asking whether or not this would hurt people, who are not at your table, feelings? That’s so weird! That’s like me asking whether or not people get offended by what they don’t know? Which isn’t even possible! So unless someone at your table is hyper sensitive about a fantasy game, in which case you should talk to that, anything is literally fine. You could play a child rapist, who while defiling her victims ate them as well, but at the same time she was a racist and only defiled gnomes of same sex.

[Calthropstu]

This is supposed to be a game about fantasy, where the murder of innocent children is sometimes fine. It's all about having fun, and is someone at your table is "triggered" by some ingame thing, I would say find another less overly sensitive friend... Racism is build into the game, who cares if it would hurt some LGBTQ people… IT’S A GAME!

Agreed 100%. Getting offended at anything not directed at you or your character in this game is pure silliness.

[Madokar]

Are you genuinely asking whether or not this would hurt people, who are not at your table, feelings? That’s so weird! That’s like me asking whether or not people get offended by what they don’t know? Which isn’t even possible! So unless someone at your table is hyper sensitive about a fantasy game, in which case you should talk to that, anything is literally fine. You could play a child rapist, who while defiling her victims ate them as well, but at the same time she was a racist and only defiled gnomes of same sex.

That... is disgusting beyond all comprehension!!!

[NightDweller]

I recently joined a new campaign, and made an Aasimar (Angelkin) paladin. After reading over my copy of "Blood of Angels", a passage on Aasimar origins and births struck my fancy. It basically boils down to same-sex couples praying for children and being blessed with an Aasimar child. So I thought: what if my Aasimar paladin was born to a lesbian couple who wanted a child?

After all things like height, weight and age were calculated, my Aasimar paladin Ragathon (named after the Empyreal Lord Ragathiel) is 76 years old from Vigil in Lastwall. He's buried his birth mother after she's died of old age, and his second mother disappeared during a campaign in the Hold of Belkzen decades ago.

I see Ragathon's parents as being a paladin and cleric of Iomedae. With his birth mother being the cleric. I like the concept, but I'm a bit leery of using gay characters as my parents in my backstory. Mainly because I'm a straight white man born to straight parents and I worry about being insensitive to other groups.

There is no logical reason to think that what you are proposing is offensive, you being male or heterosexual has little to do with this. And you being caucasian has nothing to do with this.

[Komatik]

If you have to worry about offending people with a fantasy setting character backstory, then the world is in a sad state of affairs indeed.

The world is in a sad state of affairs.

[Recherché]

Queer woman here and yeah the only thing I find even slightly weird is gender stereotyping which parent is "the father figure" or for that matter assuming there is one. And honestly even that's just a minor quibble. I don't/can't represent all non-straight women much less LBGQT people in existence of course. Thank you for checking when you're feeling unsure though rather than blazing straight ahead

[Troacctid]

This is supposed to be a game about fantasy, where the murder of innocent children is sometimes fine. It's all about having fun, and is someone at your table is "triggered" by some ingame thing, I would say find another less overly sensitive friend... Racism is build into the game, who cares if it would hurt some LGBTQ people… IT’S A GAME!

If you fantasize about killing innocent children, I don't think that's fine at all.

And if you think bigotry is okay and treating people with respect is weird, I don't know what to say to you. It's not and it isn't.

[NightDweller]

Queer woman here and yeah the only thing I find even slightly weird is gender stereotyping which parent is "the father figure" or for that matter assuming there is one. And honestly even that's just a minor quibble. I don't/can't represent all non-straight women much less LBGQT people in existence of course. Thank you for checking when you're feeling unsure though rather than blazing straight ahead

No one is a father figure in there.....One of them is just the one to have the child.......

[Max Caysey]

Thank you for checking when you're feeling unsure though rather than blazing straight ahead

Are you thanking him for checking with random people? What good can ever come of that? And what if people had said yes to being offended? Should he not have played his idea? I find it absurd to the highest degree that you would check with other people than your table. I’m not trying to be offensive, but its just so weird to want to get the approval of strangers for something your doing in a fantasy world.

[NightDweller]

Are you thanking him for checking with random people? What good can ever come of that? And what if people had said yes to being offended? Should he not have played his idea? I find it absurd to the highest degree that you would check with other people than your table. I’m not trying to be offensive, but its just so weird to want to get the approval of strangers for something your doing in a fantasy world.

What they said.

[Max Caysey]

If you fantasize about killing innocent children, I don't think that's fine at all.

And if you think bigotry is okay and treating people with respect is weird, I don't know what to say to you. It's not and it isn't.

It’s a fantasy world! I can do whatever. In the real world I treat every living being with respect. But In Dungeons and Dragons I let my imaginary character do imaginary things in an imaginary setting… Just checking here… Am I offending people by the way I play my chaotic evil undead, fiendish necromancer???

You do know that what happens in D&D is not a 1 to 1 representation of what goes on in the real world right? I mean my character can raise the dead. I cant in real life…

And explain why its wrong to play a bigot in a fantasy game?

[Troacctid]

Are you thanking him for checking with random people? What good can ever come of that?

A fairer and more accurate portrayal of a real-world group that he may not have much firsthand experience with.

And what if people had said yes to being offended? Should he not have played his idea?

Or changed it, yes.

I find it absurd to the highest degree that you would check with other people than your table. I’m not trying to be offensive, but its just so weird to want to get the approval of strangers for something your doing in a fantasy world.

You do realize there may be LGBTQ players at his table? If I were still in the closet, I would feel uncomfortable coming out to or even playing in a group that acted with hostility toward people like me. I get enough prejudice in real life without having to deal with it in my game from people who are supposed to be my friends, thanks.

It’s a fantasy world! I can do whatever. In the real world I treat every living being with respect. But In Dungeons and Dragons I let my imaginary character do imaginary things in an imaginary setting… Just checking here… Am I offending people by the way I play my chaotic evil undead, fiendish necromancer???

You do know that what happens in D&D is not a 1 to 1 representation of what goes on in the real world right? I mean my character can raise the dead. I cant in real life…

We're not talking about characters who are bigoted towards other characters. We're talking about characters who are bigoted stereotypes themselves.

[Max Caysey]

A fairer and more accurate portrayal of a real-world group that he may not have much firsthand experience with.


Or changed it, yes.


You do realize there may be LGBTQ players at his table? If I were still in the closet, I would feel uncomfortable coming out to or even playing in a group that acted with hostility toward people like me. I get enough prejudice in real life without having to deal with it in my game from people who are supposed to be my friends, thanks.


We're not talking about characters who are bigoted towards other characters. We're talking about characters who are bigoted stereotypes themselves.

I basically disagree with everything you said. Apart from the notion that there might be someone at his table who dont like it. Beside from that, we do not see eye to eye. I think in a fantasy world, anything is ok.

[Broutchev]

Is your table Ok with that; No ->change it
Yes ->Fine

The rest of the world don't need to approve. I guess it will be not that much relevant when you play your character if his parents wich is: Birth-giver mother, and mother, were lesbians.

If people at your table are homophobic and don't want to play with that, change either the table, or character.

It's kinda like in my game I say no to: Child-murdering, Evil character (not evil actions mind you), rape, graphical sex etc.

Still I say yes to racism, torture and other sensible subjects.

Am I racist, do I advice torture as a human being?

In the long run half the table will not even remember your character name, even less his/her parents relationship, and the other half will not care because killing orcs.

[Broutchev]

I basically disagree with everything you said. Apart from the notion that there might be someone at his table who dont like it. Beside from that, we do not see eye to eye. I think in a fantasy world, anything is ok.

May I addendum that?

I think in a fantasy world, anything (the table has accepted and discussed or is common) is ok

If I were a rape victim the first thing I would say to a new table is: please don't

So yeah like you said anything is ok until someone explicitly mention his limit.

[Keltest]

I basically disagree with everything you said. Apart from the notion that there might be someone at his table who dont like it. Beside from that, we do not see eye to eye. I think in a fantasy world, anything is ok.

Tabletop RPGs are, at the end of the day, a social experience. During such social experiences, people should generally try to avoid making other people uncomfortable.

while there is a certain amount of disconnect when you play "Lord TERROARZAR, the TYRANNICAL DESTROYER OF SEVENTEEN THOUSAND AND EIGHT REALMS", one should still generally strive to not portray an actively offensive stereotype of a real world group. Even if no members of that group are at your table (and in this case, its entirely possible that there can be without you knowing), its still in incredibly poor taste and I feel no qualms at all about judging people who do such things negatively.

In other words, yes, its mean. Don't do it.

[Broutchev]

In other words, yes, its mean. Don't do it.

I don't get it, why can't I play a female character? Why can't I play a black/Chinese/Slav/Latino/Australian dude? Why can't I play a LGBTQ character? Why can't I play an old character? Why can't I play a narrow-minded barbaric power-driven, megalomaniac condescending with ego trip character?

Also, it's not even his character, he's the offspring. It's like saying to the kid of a gay couple to not talk about it since he's not part of it.

You said it's mean, he asked if he was insensitive. The proper answer is ''I personally believe it is insensitive to portray a character from a subject you don't seem to fully grasp'' not ''it's mean. Don't do it''.

Is there a character creation police I was not aware of?

[Keltest]

I don't get it, why can't I play a female character? Why can't I play a black/Chinese/Slav/Latino/Australian dude? Why can't I play a LGBTQ character? Why can't I play an old character? Why can't I play a narrow-minded barbaric power-driven, megalomaniac condescending with ego trip character?

Also, it's not even his character, he's the offspring. It's like saying to the kid of a gay couple to not talk about it since he's not part of it.

You said it's mean, he asked if he was insensitive. The proper answer is ''I personally believe it is insensitive to portray a character from a subject you don't seem to fully grasp'' not ''it's mean. Don't do it''.

Is there a character creation police I was not aware of?

My response was responding to the idea that, because TTRPGs are not the real world, you can do or play anyone you want and not worry that your actions might offend someone. Yes, they can offend someone. Attempting to be respectful of other people is never, ever a bad thing.