Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[DigoDragon]

*** Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XII: Earth Pony Tartare is delicious is right out.

Eep! I am totally not continuing my running gag for this, LOL! XD

**** Northen tribal ladies do not particularly enjoy earth pony sausage tartare.

Um...

*Stop with the tartare jokes, everyone.

* I'm preemptively banned from making beef puns and horsing around with wordplay.

[danielxcutter]

* I'm preemptively banned from making beef puns and horsing around with wordplay.

**No. Just no. This is below even my subterrain standards.

[goto124]

*** Sausage puns are the wurst.

[danielxcutter]

*** Sausage puns are the wurst.

****Good gravy!

[Rater202]

****Good gravy! :smallest:

*****I can not make biscuits and gravy if I used troll, elf, earth pony, halfling, thri-keen, orc, vampire, or dragon based sausage to make the gravy.

[danielxcutter]

*****I can not make biscuits and gravy if I used to troll, elf, earth pony, halfling, thri-keen, orc, vampire, or dragon based sasauge to make the gravy.

You misspelled sausage and there's an extra "to".

Also:

******Please stop making sausage gravy.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not make gravy sausages.
** Raiding the gravy train is still banned.

[goto124]

*** The gravy train does not run on the sausage railroad.

**** Including the metaphorical railroad.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not accidentally make plans to start a game with other posters on this thread.

[JAL_1138]

* May not accidentally make plans to start a game with other posters on this thread.

**If I end up accidentally making plans to start a game with other posters on this thread, I must rememember that I've been gnome-free for a logng time gnow agnd may gnot let myself fall off the wagogn agaign.
***May gnot equate playigng tignker gnomes to serious addictiogns.

*I am not from Gnomandy.
**I do not lead a gnomadic lifestyle.
***I cannot play a gnome named Anne.
****Gnome Ann does not own Gnome Ann's Land.
*****May not sing "Gnome, gnome on the range..."
******Cannot play a gnomish wanderer named Add.
*******Cannot play a gnome named Alaska.
********Cannot play a female gnome named Amm who thinks everyone politely saying "no" is just randomly saying her name for some reason.
*********I do not use a "gnoming device" to track people.
**********Cannot play a tinker gnome named Taylor who is a soldier and a spy.
***********Cannot play a gnomish inkeeper named Gnoman Bates.

[Braininthejar2]

Using IKEA catalog as the source of character names is only acceptable if the players don't find out.

[Guizonde]

*just because it artfully describes what i do with my weaponry, "profession: proctologist" is not appropriate.
**same goes for "butcher", "backstreet euthanizer", and "post-partum abortionist".
*** a background in construction is ok. remodeling the landscape out of body parts is not, unless i'm a worshipper of khorne (and even then, it's pretty iffy).
**** repainting the scenery in gore and blood does not allow me to have "profession: artist", despite precedent.


in the end, i went with "profession: expeditor". as in, i expedite problems in the quickest way possible. that character is dead, and she was called

kazu:"EEEEEEEEEEEDWAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!"

[Rater202]

*There is no such thing as a "surprise" zombie apocalypse.

[Catalessi]

*If the sistem is narrative-based, i cannot try to create the most powerful character possible

[DigoDragon]

Using IKEA catalog as the source of character names is only acceptable if the players don't find out.

And those names really Work! :D


* The GM is no longer allowed to complain if the druid uses Stone Shape to bypass a mechanical trap he made immune to sundering, disabling, or being convinced the error of its ways and should seek out a new career choice in it's life.

[goto124]

** Must not ask which player tried to not only convince a mechanical trap the error of its ways, but also attempt to give it career advice.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My half elven scholar is supposed to fight with the very fabric of the universe, not a blood rage and a six foot long halberd.
** Their rage cannot consist of compulsively apologising after every attack.
*** They should not be focusing on Intelligence skills.
**** They are not a failed doctor.

[John Campbell]

** Must not ask which player tried to not only convince a mechanical trap the error of its ways, but also attempt to give it career advice.

I once used fabricate to convince an adamantine door to take up a new career as a pile of adamantine armor and weapons.

[Guizonde]

I once used fabricate to convince an adamantine door to take up a new career as a pile of adamantine armor and weapons.

funny, once i rolled a nat 20 on a metal door and heard the song "necrophobic" from slayer playing. it was the dm's subtle way of telling me there was nothing behind the door.

[DigoDragon]

The 'failed' sunder attempt on the trap I mentioned was by me. I wanted to throw a dead lizardman on the floor pressure plate to trigger it, and then take a few swings at the trap to break it before it resets. I failed to sunder it because, and this was the explanation given by the GM, "The trap takes 30 seconds to reset."

As for the attempt to convince it of a career change, that was the Bard.

[Katrina]

* As the GM, I am not an alien computer intelligence running obscure tests on organic beings. I am never to cite strange and alien world logic such as "the trap takes 30 seconds to reset" as a reason that a player cannot use a viable strategy as breaking the gears of a mechanical device they are aware of.
* At the end of the game, the players will be thanked, and there will be cake.
* Seriously, 30 seconds is enough for like five swings from even the most lowly peon.

* As a player, I am no longer allowed to assume that the movement ratings of games are supposed to equate to the real world. Even when the setting is described as "The normal world, but with super powered mutants." [AMP. A neat little indy game with an ...interesting story]
* Not allowed to make a high schooler who is an olympic level sprinter. And that's not her super power.
* Discouraged from bringing "Kitty the untouchable" to the next session. Despite the fact that she's built on one power, which basically makes her look like a cat woman and boosts her Athletics pool. A dodge rating of +17 in a game where most people are banging a +8 accuracy was funny, but game breaking.
* NO more breaking the game unintentionally. Or intentionally. And if my character breaks the game, she may not be a depressed sympathetic cat girl.

[goto124]

* I should not just give up on trying to understand whatever Digo's GM was thinking.

* At no point, when discussing if it's okay for a young woman to date an old man, arrive at the conclusion that both of them are over 1000 years old and age is not a concern by then.
** What does 'young' and 'old' even mean in such a context?

[JAL_1138]

* At no point, when discussing if it's okay for a young woman to date an old man, arrive at the conclusion that both of them are over 1000 years old and age is not a concern by then.
** What does 'young' and 'old' even mean in such a context?

I suppose it's relative? If one of them is 1800 years old, but the other remembers the creator-deity saying "Fiat lux," you could argue it's still sort of robbing the cradle.

[Katrina]

I suppose it's relative? If one of them is 1800 years old, but the other remembers the creator-deity saying "Fiat lux," you could argue it's still sort of robbing the cradle.

* I have given up on trying to interfere in the affairs of my elders, for I am young and lacking in XP.

[xyamius]

I am no longer allowed to bleed monsters into water skins, cast purify water on it and then tell the party i found it from a natural spring.
I am no longer allowed to take one level of crusader just so i can whirlwind spike chain improved trip heal more than the cleric can her per round.
I am no longer allowed to make checks to see if i can get a werewolf to play fetch with me and after name it jacob.
I am no longer allowed to challenge Dragons or other monsters to games of chance while betting the party's lives without their permission.
I am no longer allowed to use my knowledge of chemistry and engineering while playing a gnome to build anything modern. i.e. rockets, firearms, explosives, toxic gases, napalm, dish soap, etc....
I am no longer allowed to try and find a way to create spf5000 and put body glitter in it so i can create vampires that sparkle in the light.
I am no longer allowed to use Detect evil to find the evil aligned city guardsmen so I can try to get the paladin to kill them just to have him arrested or killed by the rest of the guards.
I am no longer allowed to burn down the forest just to kill the bandits hiding in it. (even if it does complete our current mission)
I am no longer allowed to use checks to get all of a populace into believing that arcane magic is blasphemy and that is why "bad things" happen to them... (also not allowed to cause such events to happen such as destroying their crops, poisoning the cities water, making people look like they died of the random sickness in an attempt to get a bonus on my checks and in the event it works have everyone hand over their magic items and then charge them to "dispose" of them.)
I am no longer allowed to use the leidenfrost effect combined with resistance rings.

[danielxcutter]

*Chain Gating is forbidden. Especially if Epic Spellcasting is on the table.
**As is summoning a bunch of Planetars with Greater Planar Binding and asking them to contribute spell slots.

Spoiler: Context

Show

Normally, epic spells are really hard to make, and even if you can, they often cost a lot. However, if you make it into a ritual in which bunch of other casters contribute spell slots, you can reduce the Spellcraft DC a lot, which makes it cheaper to develop.

"Chain Gating" is a term used by summoning a Solar through Gate, and have that Solar cast Gate, and have *that* Solar cast Gate... you get the idea. Unsurprisingly, this is cheese of the smelliest order. The Greater Planar Binding example isn't nearly as silly, since you have to pay them for each Planetar you summon, but it's still a fine way of making epic spells cheaper.

[DigoDragon]

* At the end of the game, the players will be thanked, and there will be cake.

** I should not expect to have my cake and eat it too. XD

* At no point, when discussing if it's okay for a young woman to date an old man, arrive at the conclusion that both of them are over 1000 years old and age is not a concern by then.

* I am no longer allowed to adopt fellow cohorts and minions as my children.
** Even if my character is technically old enough to be their dad.
*** Not allowed to steal the name "FoxHound" as our team name.
**** Banned from worshiping the team monk as our "Deity in Training".

[TeChameleon]

*There is no such thing as a "surprise" zombie apocalypse.

... at what point is a zombie apocalypse not surprising..? (well, aside from every WWII video game in the last 20 years...)

* 'Gag the wizard' should not be the party's default response to any situation involving diplomacy.

[Guizonde]

*"rum, sodomy, and the lash" is not what the catgirl captain calls "a good time in a brothel", despite the monk's protests.
** neither is it guizonde's or his characters', despite popular rumors.
*** it is, however, an excellent pub rock album.

[goto124]

* 'Gag the wizard' should not be the party's default response to any situation involving diplomacy.

** Neither should the default response to any situation involving diplomacy be 'cast some mind control spell'.
*** Or 'cast Detect Thoughts'
**** Must not guess that the wizard is a fireball-happy kind of guy.