Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[noob]

*I may not play a mindbender who have banned enchantment.
**Wish does not allows you to cast charm person even through it is a level 1 spell.

[GiantFlyingHog]

***Hy may alzo not play ein Jägermonster, even iff hats iz aktually ein big part ov their social kustomz.
****Hy especially may not play a Jägermonster in anytink but der Girl Genius settink.
*****Even iff der komik does it, hy schould not try to write der Jäger aksent fonetikally.

* Not allowed to show this to a fellow player and Girl Genius fan, as it might give him ideas
** Must warn the GM that when said player wants to play a character "that's good a making items," he might be in for a bunch of references that he won't get, and also pain and misery

[Rater202]

*I am no longer allowed to argue that I can ritualistically eat a living infant of a sapient race in order to devour its soul for the express and explicit purpose of vastly increasing my power while still remaining chaotic good.

[Anonymouswizard]

* No matter what monster we just killed, I cannot cut open it's eye and take the beauty.

[Potato_Priest]

*Actions in combat should be spent on attacking the kraken, not harvesting its severed tentacles as rations.

[JAL_1138]

* No matter what monster we just killed, I cannot cut open it's eye and take the beauty.

**When DMing, may not decide that the lenses of Beholder eyes are actually crystalline and the little-known true source of rare gemstones known as "beauties," meaning the idiom really did start out being literal.

[Guizonde]

*when my class description is "counselling the team to augment their efficiency", that's not a manual for my teammates to obey as gospel.
**plan a is no longer "ask guizonde what he thinks".
***no longer allowed to answer truthfully to the above.
***a: "i'm too sober for this sh!t" may be true, it's not what the players want to hear.
***b: same goes for "i'm too old for this sh!t", unless playing an old character.
***c: "napalm" is not the solution to everything in dnd.
*calling the monk "an idiot sandwich" is not nice, but preferable to a dope-slap. encouraging the paladin to "eat the idiot sandwich" will get me odd looks from the paladin.
**no turning the monk into an actual sandwich. even if the last time he died he looked like ground meat.
*although hilarious, i'd better have good reasons to end up in the streets proclaiming a church edict wearing only a curtain and a beret. for the third time.

[JAL_1138]

**no turning the monk into an actual sandwich. even if the last time he died he looked like ground meat.

***The halfling and the thri-kreen may not turn the elf into a sandwich.
****No, really. We don't have any bread.

[Guizonde]

***The halfling and the thri-kreen may not turn the elf into a sandwich.
****No, really. We don't have any bread.

tut, tut, tut... there are other uses to a bag of flour besides a poor man's "detect invisibility". baked bread is delicious!

(but no, seriously, even if it's just for humiliation purposes, i'm not allowed to turn the monk into a sandwich. i swear, between my team and my sense of humor...)

[Anonymouswizard]

***The halfling and the thri-kreen may not turn the elf into a sandwich.
****No, really. We don't have any bread.

***** May not suggest that, while Athas doesn't have human bread, it has ample supplies for dwarf bread.

[Rater202]

*While minor manipulation of the emotions of the other players and the GM are permissible as that is basically what all social interaction is, playing the version of "Your the Inspiration" from Elite Beat Agents and then fudging die rolls while the others are crying is so far over the line that it retroactively makes my character chaotic evil.

[noob]

***** May not suggest that, while Athas doesn't have human bread, it has ample supplies for dwarf bread.

******May not say that we already used the dwarf bread to kill the elf because it is even more solid than dwarf steel.

[JAL_1138]

***** May not suggest that, while Athas doesn't have human bread, it has ample supplies for dwarf bread.

******May not counter that dwarf bread is more for keeping you going than for making sandwiches with. Granted, you'll never go hungry when you have some dwarf bread to avoid. You only have to look at it for a moment, and instantly you can think of dozens of things you'd rather eat. Your boots, for example. Raw sheep. Mountains. Your own foot.

******May not say that we already used the dwarf bread to kill the elf because it is even more solid than dwarf steel.

*******To make a meal of dwarf bread, soak it in a bucket of water for a month. Then eat the bucket. (The dwarf bread, of course, will still be as inedible as the day it was forged).

[Guizonde]

(The dwarf bread, of course, will still be as inedible as the day it was forged).

in an american kitchen, you find a 55-gallon drum of oil over a fire pit.

in an indian kitchen, you find 55 different kinds of peppers. all serve a purpose.

in a french kitchen, you find 55 different kinds of gizzards. all serve a purpose.

in a dwarven kitchen, you find 55 different anvils. all. serve. a. purpose.

[Anonymouswizard]

in an american kitchen, you find a 55-gallon drum of oil over a fire pit.

in an indian kitchen, you find 55 different kinds of peppers. all serve a purpose.

in a french kitchen, you find 55 different kinds of gizzards. all serve a purpose.

in a dwarven kitchen, you find 55 different anvils. all. serve. a. purpose.

You see, in an English kitchen we just have mint sauce.

And apple sauce, but some foreigners are and to understand that.

[Guizonde]

You see, in an English kitchen we just have mint sauce.

And apple sauce, but some foreigners are and to understand that.

yes, but with that single ingredient, you have 55 different pie recipes! (based on a traditional english cuisine cookbook i own)

[Potato_Priest]

*I may no longer name my paladins Ho Lee.
**I may not change my paladin's name to Un Ho Lee when he falls.

[PhoenixPhyre]

*I may no longer name my paladins Ho Lee.
**I may not change my paladin's name to Un Ho Lee when he falls.

Especially not if my paladin's race is minotaur.

[Anonymouswizard]

*I may no longer name my paladins Ho Lee.
**I may not change my paladin's name to Un Ho Lee when he falls.

*** May not make my Paladins Chinese to justify the name.
**** Especially if I can convince other players to make twin Chinese necromancers.

[Rater202]

*My Spirit Animal is not an Indominus Rex.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Dwarves do not burn all their hair off as a representation of entering adulthood.

[JAL_1138]

* Dwarves do not burn all their hair off as a representation of entering adulthood.

**Getting all of one's hair burned off in a catastrophic explosion for the first time is not a sign that a gnome is becoming an adult.

[Anonymouswizard]

**Getting all of one's hair burned off in a catastrophic explosion for the first time is not a sign that a gnome is becoming an adult.

Of course not, Gnomes would all start becoming adults after getting their first baking set.

[JAL_1138]

Of course not, Gnomes would all start becoming adults after getting their first baking set.

*Gnomish children's baking sets do not include plastic explosives along with a picture of Jamie Hyneman with the caption "When in doubt, C-4."

EDIT:
** "When in doubt, C-4" is not my Rigger's motto.
***Jamie Hyneman is not my Rigger's patron saint.
****My Rigger may not name his drone "Buster" or "Blendo."
*****My Rigger may not start a cult around the Mythbusters.
******May not name my Rigger "Jamie."
*******If I name my Rigger "Jamie," may not utter the phrase "Jamie want big boom."
********STILL may not play a Rigger.

[Rater202]

*I can't explain my backstory with sock-puppets.
**Especially not IRL.

[PhoenixPhyre]

* I may not decide that all goblins from one particular culture have given names taken from one-syllable English onomatopoeia.

Spoiler: Pseudo-context

Show

Goblins are not necessarily evil--they make up 1/3 of one of the more LG-ish nations as well as existing in migratory kin-groups.

Individually (while not with their kin-group), goblins are only slightly smarter than a smart house-cat, and just as prone to getting into things. As more cluster together (capping at about 100-ish), they get more intelligent because they share an over-conscious. Not quite a hive mind, but more shared memory and processing power. It's entirely an unconscious thing--most don't even know it exists. They just know things even though they didn't experience them directly.

[John Campbell]

* Horror-game monsters do not have to make Fear checks when they see us, no matter how hard we've owned them in the past.

[noob]

*At the end of a coc adventure you do not meet a dnd adventuring team as an eltritch horror who came to undo the world as we know it for unknown motivations(gaining more px but you can not possibly know if you are in coc because there is not such thing as px)

[Drakeburn]

* I will not decline any freebies the GM gives me.
** "Because I couldn't afford to buy the item during character creation" is a stupid argument.
*** Especially when said item is a medical kit.
**** Especially when one of the other PCs has been wounded.
***** ESPECIALLY when my character is supposed to be the medic for the party!

Boy, I was such a noob back then, wasn't I?

[Katrina]

* The verbal component for Black Tentacles when cast by a witch is not "Notice me Patron-Sempai!"
* the material component is not a thong, even if it is easier to explain than the canon squid tentacle.
* My "anime schoolgirl" voice is no longer allowed at the gaming table for the same reason as my "heavy breathing and groaning" that I did when my character feel down the ladder and broke her arm.