Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[Anonymouswizard]

* There is no reason for me to carry more than twenty iron spikes.
** I'm supposed to take something like fire, cold, or lightning for my elemental weapon. Not acid.
*** There is no reason for playing a lawful evil barbarian when the rest of the party is good.

* When told to take any two magic items, cannot pick one that'll give me a backup Cone of Cold when required.
** Especially when I already have a Staff of Frost.

[Katrina]

* While in character for the witch, I have been advised against cackling madly upon seeing the GM's face when I announce that I am casting Shatter on the alchemist. I keep forgetting that he is new and we are not trying to scare him off. It is also in bad form to question how many flasks of alchemist's fire he was carrying.

He appreciated my advice that the alchemist extracts and bombs not be vulnerable to such tactics though.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not be more evil than the campaign villain.

[danielxcutter]

* The verbal component for Black Tentacles when cast by a witch is not "Notice me Patron-Sempai!"
* the material component is not a thong, even if it is easier to explain than the canon squid tentacle.
* My "anime schoolgirl" voice is no longer allowed at the gaming table for the same reason as my "heavy breathing and groaning" that I did when my character feel down the ladder and broke her arm.

Is there context for this? *chuckles*

[Katrina]

Spoiler: contextual groaning

Show

The groaning incident occurred back when I had first joined the group I play with now, who are more of a "kick in the door" with light rp on the side. My background was mostly world of darkness larp, so I was very high rp/in character acting. We were playing a post apocalyptic game and I was running around fixing stuff in an old ruin and ran afoul of a rusted ladder. After the dice were done, I roleplayed out the dialogue of her climbing the ladder, it breaking, her screaming and the pained response when she managed to halt her descent by getting her arm caught in the ladder in such a way that it snapped. My version of a pained response while she also tried to catch her breath from the sheer terror was met with "and now all the guys are confused and turned on." Apparently, it sounded more like a porn movie to them, which I am still not sure if that means I am a bad actor or they are a bunch of perverts...

Apparently, my anime schoolgirl voice also reminds them of hentai. This has lead me to wonder if I perhaps should go into voice acting....

[JAL_1138]

*Must stop giving the DM ideas on how to kill and/or maim the party, or ideas for making villains worse.

*If the low-level party is largely made of squishies, the proper response to encountering an owlbear that hasn't noticed us yet is to run away, or at least back up and shoot from a distance.
**It will not be friends with us and there is no point to trying.
***Getting into melee with it is a very bad idea.
****Especially when the DM's dice are on FIRE and our dice are rolling colder than January in Siberia.
*****Our tactics should not result in a real possibility of getting TPK'd on a minor sidequest to track down a farmer's lost goat just outside the starting town.

[Personification]

*May not chemically analyze the roads of the outlands to find out what exactly good intentions are made of

[oxybe]

*May not chemically analyze the roads of the outlands to find out what exactly good intentions are made of

**may not, after reflecting, realize a cheaper substitute material exists and offer to sell good intentions at a lower premium.

[DigoDragon]

*May not chemically analyze the roads of the outlands to find out what exactly good intentions are made of

Well now that my character has a reliable way to reach the Outlands, I'm curious to try this.

[malachi]

*May not chemically analyze the roads of the outlands to find out what exactly good intentions are made of

** May not pave all roads leading out of the BBEG's base in good intentions to ensure that the BBEG's forces can only go to hell.

[NRSASD]

Spoiler: Context

Show

From the free alpha of the video game Barotrauma, where you explore the oceans of Europa and battle sea monsters, pressure, treachery, and your own incompetence.

*May not act surprised that no one trusts me when I try to check the O2 levels of their diving suits
**Especially not I after replaced a diving suit's O2 tank with the very similar appearing welding fuel tank
***Especially if that suit belonged to our only engineer
****May not lament the cruel irony of drowning because I didn't have any welding fuel to fix the breaches

*May not test the medical cabinet's contents on the crew without their consent
**Especially if by "test" I mean "pursue down the hallways waving hypodermic needles in both hands"

*May not accuse the other crew members of being treacherous without proof
**The engineer being in engineering is not evidence of treachery
***Especially if the engineer is in engineering because you chased him there with a harpoon gun

*Loading the railgun with a nuclear shell is considered quite rude
**Even if the gun crew requested a nuke
***When they requested a nuke, they expected the shell to be properly labeled

*May not inject myself with enough anti-drowning meds that my blood spontaneously generates O2
**May not be surprised that engineering is now chasing me with harpoon guns screaming "Ve vant your blud!"
***May not protest that refilling O2 tanks with my blood is a. impossible in the game and b. an OSHA violation

*Accusing the captain of treachery as I leave the airlock is not a good decision
**May not be surprised that the captain refuses to let me onboard afterwards
***Mashing me into the cliff with the sub was a bit overkill though
****Even if the captain was the traitor

*Wrestling benthic horrors with nothing but a diving suit and a syringe full of neurotoxin is not our most successful strategy
**Even if said benthic horror ate the security team
***Even if the security team are now benthic horrors themselves

[Anonymouswizard]

* May not refuse to get on the boat.

Spoiler

Show

It was a pirate game and we owned the boat. The rest of the party OoC forced me to be on it so we could sail into town.

[Guizonde]

*if the team calls out x, the dm calls out x, and i call out y and i'm right, it's a fluke.
**if this happens 3 times in a session, it doesn't mean i've unlocked "knowledge (4th wall)", or even "bardic knowledge".
***not allowed to convince the younger party members that i'm actually precognitive in real life as well as in-game.

[Samwich]

* The paladin cannot refuse a mission to destroy a demon terrorizing a village because he wants to find weed

** If he accepts the mission, he may not use Guantanamo Bay as a model for information gathering

*** Especially not on the previous victims of the demon attacks

**** It still breaks the paladin code if the rogue does all the interrogation under direct orders from the paladin

[JAL_1138]

* May not refuse to get on the boat.

Spoiler

Show

It was a pirate game and we owned the boat. The rest of the party OoC forced me to be on it so we could sail into town.

How long until the DM broke out the horrible aquatic monsters? 5 minutes? 10?

[Anonymouswizard]

How long until the DM broke out the horrible aquatic monsters? 5 minutes? 10?

None appeared on the way to the island, must have been saving them for the way back.

I mean, I do want to ruin a naval campaign myself at some point, but that's because I'm getting lots of aquatic monster ideas.

[JAL_1138]

None appeared on the way to the island, must have been saving them for the way back.

I mean, I do want to ruin a naval campaign myself at some point, but that's because I'm getting lots of aquatic monster ideas.

*May not contend that the only reasons for water (aside from drinking-water) to appear in-game are: a) the DM found a neat aquatic monster they want to throw at the party; b) the DM wants to mess with the party using the aquatic combat or movement rules; c) the DM has an interest in boating, ships, or naval combat and wants to throw some at the party; d) somebody built Aquaman and the DM is throwing them a bone so the character can feel useful; or e) any combination of the foregoing.

[Personification]

There are legends of an albino drow assassin. Using his magical +5 10 Foot Pole of Vaulting and a heavily enchanted bow, he takes the high ground and strikes down enemies from afar. He is only known by his reputation and his title: the Vaulter White. He is the one who nocks.

(this was from my post on the "Fantasy puns" thread)

*I am not allowed to make my character the Vaulter White
** ESPECIALLY if my character has a 20 (18+2 for elf) dex
***Not even if I homebrew a balanced (pun completely intended) +5 10 ft. pole
**** Still not even if I replace all starting equipment with the +5 10 Foot Pole of Vaulting and heavily enchanted bow
***** Don't even think about replacing the word "drow" with "rock gnome"

I have done none of these things in game, but I REALLY want to now...

EDIT: YAY, like 5 people quoted my second ever post I really shouldn't be this proud, but meh...

[TeChameleon]

*May not contend that the only reasons for water (aside from drinking-water) to appear in-game are: a) the DM found a neat aquatic monster they want to throw at the party; b) the DM wants to mess with the party using the aquatic combat or movement rules; c) the DM has an interest in boating, ships, or naval combat and wants to throw some at the party; d) [b]somebody built Aquaman and the DM is throwing them a bone so the character can feel useful[b]; or e) any combination of the foregoing.

... if someone managed to build Aquaman in D&D with all powers and abilities intact, the BBEG might as well bend over and spread 'em, because they're so screwed... I don't think even JAL would be afraid of water if they a) couldn't drown and b) everything in the big blue, no matter how nasty, answered to them.

[JAL_1138]

... if someone managed to build Aquaman in D&D with all powers and abilities intact, the BBEG might as well bend over and spread 'em, because they're so screwed... I don't think even JAL would be afraid of water if they a) couldn't drown and b) everything in the big blue, no matter how nasty, answered to them.

Referencing more the popular perception, rather than the full list of powers he's had in comics (which has varied significantly depending on the writer and era). Think "Super Friends" Aquaman instead of "Guy who calls taking down blatant Cthulhu expys his day job" Aquaman.

[TeChameleon]

Superfriends Aquaman? You mean the one that accidentally set the Atlantic Ocean on fire, then drowned everyone within a hundred miles of the coast? Any Atlantic coast? Sounds like a botched roll to me... and not noticeably less powerful than 'I eat Cthulhu for breakfast' Aquaman, albeit rather less competent >.>

[Anonymouswizard]

set the Atlantic Ocean on fire

* This cannot be my character goal.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

*I am not to make my character's name a Downfall reference, even by accident.
**Telling authority figures what my character did will not automatically send them into fits of rage.
***Das war nicht ein Befehl.
****"Fegelein" is not a curse word.

[Personification]

*If my first level character could ever be easily mistaken for one of the combatants at Ragnarock, he or she is banned
**Especially if they person that they are mistaken for is even tangentially related to Loki

*may not convince the PC that the high CR dire-shark is actually a porpoise (because it is not a por-pose)

*No recursion!

*May not one-hit-kill a clay golem by "punching it in the א"
**I may not make jokes that can only be understood by people who have a rudimentary knowledge of Jewish folklore relating to Kabbalah and ancient Prague
***Even if it is the main inspiration for at least three different D&D monsters and countless other stories

[DigoDragon]

* Pirate Drow do not come from the Underdeck.

[Guizonde]

* Pirate Drow do not come from the Underdeck.

i really wish i'd thought of that sooner for my current character!

*no more cursing in spanish to avoid teaching the cleric new bad words.
**only allowed to curse in a language the dm can understand.
***may not ask the paladin's player to teach me the rudiments of his occitan (béarnais) and in exchange i'll teach him my gascon so we can both annoy the dm.

[Personification]

* Pirate Drow do not come from the Underdeck.

**Likewise, Wizard drow do not come from the Underdork
***Druid drow are not from the Underbark
****Favored enemy: drow is not called Underdar

[DigoDragon]

*no more cursing in spanish to avoid teaching the cleric new bad words.

Personal experience here--Spanish is one of those languages that's easy to learn curse words from.

[JAL_1138]

Superfriends Aquaman? You mean the one that accidentally set the Atlantic Ocean on fire, then drowned everyone within a hundred miles of the coast? Any Atlantic coast? Sounds like a botched roll to me... and not noticeably less powerful than 'I eat Cthulhu for breakfast' Aquaman, albeit rather less competent >.>

That sounds like a Tinker Gnome left unsupervised for half an hour.

But still, point taken.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Pirate Drow do not come from the Underdeck.

Speaking of games I've played recently. I should have gone for a Rogue, I will if we restart that game as a proper campaign (despite being a pirate I still refuse to get on the boat!).


* Drow in space are still not word elves.