Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

[Rysto]

Karrik: I'm going to sneak up to the door and peek through that crack. *Rolls 21 for stealth*
DM: Okay, you make it up to the door no problem. Now give me an Investigation check.
Karrik: *Nat 1*
DM: ... When you try to peer through, you poke yourself in the eye on a splinter.
Karrik: But I did it stealthily, so nobody saw that!

Ganoes: I've hit this guy for six damage dice so far. How have I only done 11 damage?

DM: Karrik, give me a religion roll.
Karrik: 5
DM: ... You have no idea why there's a fountain adjacent to your religion's temple.
Karrik: I spent years wandering the forests alone, okay? I didn't learn anything about the organized parts of our worship.

Ganoes: Okay, let's more than 6 damage from 3d8 this time... *Rolls 9 damage*

DM: Karrik, give me a religion roll to determine who or what the woman in the fountain is.
Karrik: ... Natural 1
Ganoes: Your lack of Darkvision really does make you completely useless after sundown, doesn't it?

DM: Okay, the blue Grung isn't quite dead, but he's in really, really rough shape.
Ganoes: Gotcha, 1 HP left. This is the situation I apparently specialize in. *Crits it for near-max damage*
Ganoes: Of course....

DM: One last time. Give me a religion roll to figure out what that hag was doing to the fountain before you all interrupted her.
Karrik: Nat 1
DM: ....
Karrik: No, don't say anything; I'll tell you what Karrik has figured out. This fountain doesn't have anything to do with the temple at all. It's this poor woman's washroom and she was taking a bath in it, and we just murdered her for no reason at all.

[JBPuffin]

Ganoes: I've hit this guy for six damage dice so far. How have I only done 11 damage?
Ganoes: Okay, let's more than 6 damage from 3d8 this time... *Rolls 9 damage*

Vish feels for this guy; crit as a rogue, thinking, "Oh yeah, this'll be great!" Rolled snake eyes on d8+d6. My crit did 2 more damage than it would have otherwise...(and this was with max the dice+roll again and add). Several fights later, did 42 damage to a guy with...probably 10 left. All the while stealing the cleric's kills.

Considering how failure-prone some of my characters have been, really all of these quotes are relatable...

[ZeroGear]

Rivet: "How are we getting past the guards?"
Sypher: "Leave it to me." *walks up to guards*
Guards: "What the?"
Sypher: *opens dress, reveals many guns*
Guards: "Oh shi..." *get blasted to bits*

Wyzz: "What's this button do?"
Buster: "Don't..."
Wyzz: *pushed button*
Trap door: *opens under Buster and Sypher*
Buster: "F*****g ninja house!"

Nyfe: "Why are you carrying her like a rifle?"
Buster: "Ran out of ammo and she's the one with the guns."
Sypher: "He's a better shot than I am."
Nyfe: "...makes perfect sense."

Nyfe: "Don't you think that was a little overkill?"
Buster: "Maxim 37: There is no 'overkill', only 'open fire' and 'reload'."

Wyzz: "What exactly's in that stuff you're drinking?"
Rivit: "It is a secret mixture that contains one or more of the following: Kerosene, Propylene Glycol, Artificial Sweeteners, Sulfuric Acid, Rum, Acetone, Battery Acid, Red Dye #2, Scumm, Axle Grease, and/or Pepperoni."
Wyzz: "...you cyborgs are are weird."

Buster: "...I KNOW this is your fault."
Wyzz: "Why are you blaming me?"
Buster: "You're the one who was cooking up strange stuff in the kitchen!"
Wyzz: "I was making supper!"
Buster: "Then why were you using a voodoo book?!"
Wyzz: "How was I supposed to know it was a voodoo recipe?"
Buster: "IT HAD 'CRUSHED SKULL' AS AN INGREDIENT!"
Wyzz: I THOUGHT IT WAS FRENCH CUISINE!"

[Gallade]

"No!"
"Come on, in Pacific Rim they used giant monster poop too!"
"Yeah, but they didn't make GOLEMS out of it!"
"Because they didn't have magic..."
"THANK GOD they didn't!"

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Yeah, she's supposed to be a pony with wings and magic!

She was. The GM was shifting gears without utilizing the clutch properly.

Barbarian:"Yeah. A Rhubarb-arian!"

See, these are the kind of players I like in my group. :3

Unapologetic punsters.

Oh my god, after many months of casually browsing this series of threads from the first post I have finally caught up. I'm so proud

Woohoo!! :D

Ganoes: I've hit this guy for six damage dice so far. How have I only done 11 damage?

Ganoes: Okay, let's more than 6 damage from 3d8 this time... *Rolls 9 damage*

I know this feeling all too well. This player has my sympathy.

Nyfe: "Why are you carrying her like a rifle?"
Buster: "Ran out of ammo and she's the one with the guns."
Sypher: "He's a better shot than I am."
Nyfe: "...makes perfect sense."

Does she shout 'bang bang' in combat?

"THANK GOD they didn't!"

Um, yeah.

Doc: “I've seen enough Top Gear episodes to know caravans are evil and highly flammable.”
Choro: “And I've seen enough Mad Max to know that post-apocalyptic vehicles are awesome!”
Doc: “That does not make them any less flammable!”

Stellar: “If you don't give at least the appearance of being ready to fight, ponies will take advantage.”
Choro: “Ah! But I have a pointy hat.”
Doc: “Maybe it's good that Doc isn't in this conversation. Something something the number of ponies that take that getup seriously equals no.”

Strata: “That’s... the problem. The same pony cutting up people for science is the same pony putting braces on kids.”
Viridia: “She's giving kids armor?”

Viridia: “It'll be where she keeps her NSFW spells.”
Choro: “You're not far off, Ms. Viridia.”
Doc: “Young Starswirl needed the money.”
Viridia: “Most adult entertainers aren't named for what they're known for, but Starswirl...”

Doc: “Looks like that protectron just got... Moon'd. No wait, that's terrible. Let me try this again. Looks like that protectron just got... Pegasass'd.”
Moon: “With 424 damage before DR, I sure hope so.”
GM: “The protectron was reduced to molten slag.”
Viridia: “Pretty sure you can fix that with a healing potion.”

GM: “I believe Comic Sans is the only proper font for the mascot's actual voice.”
Viridia: “That's because you're evil.”
Doc: “That just makes me hate this creature on an artistically personal level.”
Moon: “I associate Comic Sans with something completely different, so I feel like the effect may be lost.”

[goto124]

She was. The GM was shifting gears without utilizing the clutch properly.

Doc: “I've seen enough Top Gear episodes to know caravans are evil and highly flammable.”

Remember, cars are dangerous!

Viridia: “Most adult entertainers aren't named for what they're known for, but Starswirl...”

Let's play a game of "MLP or Stripper"!

Moon: “I associate Comic Sans with something completely different, so I feel like the effect may be lost.”

Undertale?

[Guizonde]

Nyfe: "Why are you carrying her like a rifle?"
Buster: "Ran out of ammo and she's the one with the guns."
Sypher: "He's a better shot than I am."
Nyfe: "...makes perfect sense."

when players become firearms, only then does the game get interesting for the dm.

Nyfe: "Don't you think that was a little overkill?"
Buster: "Maxim 37: There is no 'overkill', only 'open fire' and 'reload'."

that's not true! there's also "giggle", "grin", "volley fire", "more dakka", and my personal favorite "kill it to death until it's deceased".

Wyzz: "What exactly's in that stuff you're drinking?"
Rivit: "It is a secret mixture that contains one or more of the following: Kerosene, Propylene Glycol, Artificial Sweeteners, Sulfuric Acid, Rum, Acetone, Battery Acid, Red Dye #2, Scumm, Axle Grease, and/or Pepperoni."
Wyzz: "...you cyborgs are are weird."

hurray! monkey island reference!

Buster: "...I KNOW this is your fault."
Wyzz: "Why are you blaming me?"
Buster: "You're the one who was cooking up strange stuff in the kitchen!"
Wyzz: "I was making supper!"
Buster: "Then why were you using a voodoo book?!"
Wyzz: "How was I supposed to know it was a voodoo recipe?"
Buster: "IT HAD 'CRUSHED SKULL' AS AN INGREDIENT!"
Wyzz: I THOUGHT IT WAS FRENCH CUISINE!"

he had a 50/50 chance, to be honest.

[Joe the Rat]

Safety is Everybody's Responsibility

NecroGnome: All right, I've finished my new item - a Bag of Holding. Except this one is waterproof. And cut-resistant.
DM: Inside or outside?
NecroGnome: Both... no, just the outside. I don't want to give up "Plan F"

FairyHalfling: Do Dungeons have OSHA standards? With that handrail broken, they're out of compliance.

DM: NecroGnome goes sliding off the end of the rail, and manages to avoid taking damage...
NecroGnome: Yes!
DM: ...thanks in part to the foot-deep water in the corridor.
NecroGnome: You bastard.
FairyHalfling: Hmm... I'll cast spiderclimb and walk on the wall.
NecroGnome: Oh come on!

DM: Ahead of you, the walls are lined with large copper plates-
NecroGnome: Yeah, no. I'm sending Mr.Squeakers in first.

NecroGnome: We'll use these thunderstones to blast the plates off the walls. It's a perfect plan.

ElfKnight: Well, I used fireball... What else could we use?
DM: You know, the ghouls are pretty well lined up. It's perfect for a Lightning Bolt...
ElfKnight: Well...
GoblinBard: Yeah!
PalaDwarf: Oh no no no no. We're standing in foot-deep water.
GoblinBard: Oh... Yeah, no.
NecroGnome: You sneaky bastard.
DM:

MonkeyMonk (running FairyHalfling): Okay, I'm going to zap-
DM: Deep in the darkness, FairyHalfling sees several large humanoid shapes coming up behind the party.
MonkeyMonk: Crap, where did they come from?
GoblinBard: Maybe they heard the noise?
MonkeyMonk: Gnome...
NecroGnome: That's totally not my fault!

"No!"
"Come on, in Pacific Rim they used giant monster poop too!"
"Yeah, but they didn't make GOLEMS out of it!"
"Because they didn't have magic..."
"THANK GOD they didn't!"

Where's my goddamn shoe?

[Dasamont]

Woohoo, Digo-senpai answered me <3

And the obligatory quote:

Talisan: Wait wait wait... We're supposed to be the good guys?

[DeTess]

DM: Allright, you're standing in the artists bedroom. You can hear the music from the concert coming in from outside. In the room you see...
AssassinFace: Is there a sockdrawer?
DM: Yes, there is.
AssassinFace: Okay, I apply the deadly neurotoxin to her socks.
Dm and rest of the players: ...her socks?
AssassinFace: Yes, her socks. All of them.

<several hours later>

Assassinface *checks newspaper* Told you it would work. Now let's hold on to those guitars we stole for a couple of weeks, then sell them for a fortune.

Spoiler: Context

Show

This was from a Shadowrun session. The artist in question was also an incredibly powerful magician, so we wisely decided we didn't want to fight her in direct combat.

[ZamielVanWeber]

DM: Bleeding is a nonaction.

[Gallade]

"Look at your man, now back to me. Sadly your man doesn't have Quick Draw and Quick Sheath, but he could if he joined the Order of Fortune. What's that in my hands? It's a knight's lance. Look down, look back to me, the lance is now a wand of Searing Ray. Anything is possible when you have Quick Draw.
I'm on a Roc."

"What's the last thing you remember before blacking out?"
"Well, I told him 'you must be the only person who sleeps better because of bed bugs'."
"Serves you right. Spiders aren't even bugs. She does look cuddly though."

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Let's play a game of "MLP or Stripper"!

By far the best quiz I ever aced.

Undertale?

I think so.

hurray! monkey island reference!

I am ashamed I did not pick up on it earlier.

NecroGnome: Both... no, just the outside. I don't want to give up "Plan F"

I'd make it a point to run away from this PC after plan D fails.

:I

Doc: “And why would anyone check their email while drowning in a meat slurry?”

Choro: “Choro's instinct will be to try and wipe it, but most things she can wipe it on are also covered in meat slime.”
Viridia: “Wipe it on Thanatos. No wait, you'd need something less slimy.”

Doc: “For the glory of the Enclave?”
Choro: “But there's no glory in this! She's just going to get herself killed pointlessly! Which does sorta fit the glory level of the Enclave, but still.”

Choro’s SuperEgo: “Hey Choro? You do remember you can teleport, right? Why don't youMMPH!”
Choro’s Id: (*hoofmouth*) “Shush! Getting saved by Ms. Viridia.”

Choro: “Does the Mascot have a name?”
GM: “It hasn't been named yet, but it's probably something nonsensical or harmless.”
Doc: “Like McDonald's old character Grimace?”
Viridia: “How about...Wojabudakowski?”

GM: “No one else needs to promise their firstborn to the dice gods, for the record.”

[Cazero]

Doc: “And why would anyone check their email while drowning in a meat slurry?”

To update your Marebook status to dead, obviously.

[shadowkat678]

I have a few good ones!

If it takes shooting through him to get to you I will. I WILL KILL HIM TO SAVE HIM BECAUSE I LOVE HIM THAT MUCH!

"You know, if this adventuring thing doesn't work out, we should play this game. It's really cool. There's this world without magic, and you use metal horses to get around, and there's this thing called "role-playing."

"Why would they not include MAGIC? That game sound weird. Think I'll pass."

"Don't make me get another bucket!"

"Our bard is useless. He doesn't even really play an instrument. Or fight."

"I'm not useless I'm very good at hiding and running away. I also KILLED A GIANT SPIDER! And I do PUPPET SHOWS!"

"No. That spider thing was mostly Westra. You just poked it in the butt once with your rapier."

"Well...I'm the one writing a book, and you guys are misremembering because that's what I wrote down. So there."

If you don't shut up I will kill all of you. In your sleep. Stab stab stabby stab. I'm an assaisan.

I hate orcs! I will stab ALL OF THEM! *creepy unhinged laughter*

" Don't bring race into this!"
"Normally I wouldn't, but yes. I am bringing race into this."

I like how this note tells them I need to be kept in good condition. Considering I lost a hand and had to get a magical wooden replacement, they didn't seem to do a very good job.

You know, I feel like we've all grown a lot closer through this. Maybe ever enough to be called friends. Which makes me wonder even more...WHY I KNOW NEXT TO NOTHING ABOUT ANY OF YOU PEOPLE! I ONLY CAME HERE TO ESCORT A CART!

[HalfTangible]

Exalted game:

Drunk (obviously faking): Hey! You bumped me!
Vary: Bumped who? I didn't feel any-
*notices how broad the man's shoulders are, and how eager he looked to fight*
Vary: Damn right I did! I'm a priestess of Zelos and he don't take too kindly to drunkards uglier than yer momma! Watcha gonna do about it?!
*Fight ensues*


Nazir: GET ME CLOSER, I'LL PARLAY WITH MY FISTS!


Vary: Come on, boys! WHO'S READY TO RUMBLE?!
EnemyNPC: Mercy, mercy, we surrender! Take all the jade, we'll leave you to it!
Vary: But.... But I just got here! *pout* Come on, no one wants to tangle with me?


Daryn: These guys attacked us and are demonstrably useless in a fight. Letting them attack the Hearthfire would be a liability, not to mention giving them half the treasure.
Vary: They attacked us because we were following them.


Vary: Ha! Sounds simple. Let's set sail, sink some ships, and shred some scales. Swiftly!
AllyNPC: You've been waiting to use that, haven't you?
Vary: Sorry, sod.
AllyNPC: ... So that's a no?
Vary: Surely.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

To update your Marebook status to dead, obviously.

Oh. That makes sense.

I have a few good ones!

Sure is a lot of potential stabbing going on there. :o

Nazir: GET ME CLOSER, I'LL PARLAY WITH MY FISTS!

Now that's what I'm talking about.

Doc: “Did you want to try to talk to it first?”
Moon: “I think we're beyond diplomacy at this point.”
GM: “Now now now, Viridia might be able to find a reasonable compromise between 'get strapped down and undergo gavage until her liver hit's the size of an exercise ball and threatens to split open her abdominal cavity' and 'become best friends forever'.

Viridia: “As proven last time we fought something like this, and Viridia almost turned into a zebra.”

GM: “The GM didn't give an escape route for no reason.”
Viridia: “You don't know that.”

Thanatos: “I would imagine that the filly would have the most utility with them, given that she would be able to use her magic to throw them.”
Doc: “Throwing shouldn't be an issue. It's getting them to detonate where you want them that's the trick.”
Thanatos: “Perhaps it would be best to distribute them according to your individual specialties.”
Doc: “Yeah, that makes about as much sense as tits on a rad-scorpion. I'm just gonna give each of us one and hedge my bets that one of us will nail the server.”

Viridia: “You know, I have a 50% success rate on seducing computers. We could always try that.”
GM: “Thanatos gave a brief glance at Stellar before turning back to Viridia. He looked, to be frank, mildly disturbed.”
Stellar: “She could seduce a marble statue.”

Choro: “Can we not blow up the server before I've had a good look at it please?”
Doc: “Alright, but if the server tries to kill me, I'm gonna kill it right back.”

Choro: “And Ms. Moon says she's about to fight something called the Cabbagetown Bot. We need ‘Deets’. And she wants our help.”

[Gallade]

"When your lower half turns into a spider, going commando is pretty much a forced option. "

[Mutazoia]

Blake: [Takes fighting stance] I know Feng Shui....
Pirate: [Scoffing] Your going to re-arrange my furniture?
Blake: No...I'm going to re-arrange your face [PUNCH]

[Gallade]

"No fair, you're using your OOC barstool engineering experience to gain an advantage!"

[GAAD]

Drek: Flashbangs are NOT drugs. I am not injecting myself with gunpowder.

Drek: I don't want to join the corruption; I want to corrupt the corruption.

Ulga: Remind me why we are buying a kilometer of tripwire.
Drek: We'll never need to buy any more ever again now!

Salesman: Why should I offer you discounts?
Drek: I'm over 65! Senior discount! [is an elf]
Sam: We're learning about the magic of friendship! Student discount!

[Rogan]

Detective: I smell Gas!
DM: No, you don't.
Detective: Yes, I do! At least, thats what will be written in my report.

[Gideon Falcon]

Ranger (to Fighter): "Yeah, that vial of wolf blood you gave me- ...was it expired?"
Druid: "It was a bad idea, that's what it was!"

Druid: (OOC) Somewhere in Time and Space, I am suddenly hitting my head against a pole.
Hypothetical Bystander: "What are you doing?"
Druid: "Somewhere, somehow, [The Fighter] is doing something stupid."

Eldritch Knight: "We've only known you for a week, and you've already done some really dumb stuff.
Fighter: "Yeah, I only died!"

"You're an Action Priest."

"Gnomes are now stackable."

"It's not me you want to question, but my bowtie."

"I threw a rock, and it started swimming."

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

"When your lower half turns into a spider, going commando is pretty much a forced option. "

I don't know of any specialty stores that sell undies for anything but humanoids. Well, maybe for dogs...

Blake: No...I'm going to re-arrange your face [PUNCH]

Haha, now that's a great line before the beatdown. :D

Drek: I'm over 65! Senior discount! [is an elf]

Not the first elf to try pulling that. ^^

Detective: Yes, I do! At least, thats what will be written in my report.

Their reports ought to be interesting reads. I'm curious what else was added.

"Gnomes are now stackable."

All bodies are stackable. You just gotta make em stop wiggling first. ;)

Viridia: “Stellar could grab Doc, Strata could probably teleport and wasn't vulnerable to the infection, and Thanatos sucks.”

Viridia: “I'm pretty sure she's one of those...whatchacallit, real people.”
Choro: “You could ask though. Don't think she's got a reason to say no to that.”
Viridia: “You suggested the same thing in the panties incident, and look what happened there!”

Choro: “And there's a penalty on the Failsafe save of -5. So even if the Bot has Endurance 10, it's a coin toss.”
GM: “Murderbot needs a 5 or below to pass it's Endurance check.”
Die Roll: *crit fail*
GM: “…The Murderbot will now be going to sleep.”
Choro: “WHOOO!!”

Viridia: “Woo, I got it anyway! I retract my compliment!”

Overseer: “I'm going to carve you up, bird.”
Moonshadow: “You'll die trying.” (*gut-shots the Overseer*)

Doc: “With arts and crafts over, Doc just packs the grenades away.”

Viridia: “Pfft crit failure to hit the floor.”
Doc: “10/10 best combat.”
GM: “This is where the real wasteland begins.”

Doc: “Is it ironic that the Overseer is doing our job for us by setting this place on fire?”

Doc: “I just wanted to quote this because Moony is currently ahead in the race.”
Viridia: “Moony is ahead in my heart.”
GM: “Viridia's heart condition continues to grow more serious.”
Doc: “Fiiine, Doc will skip the next cyber-dong upgrade to get that checked.”

Choro: “Exactly! That's twenty whole minutes of being together! Plenty of time to make a new friend!”

[Ixidor92]

Black: If need be I will go out and look for them myself, since none of you seem willing to.
Zelenor: You will do no such thing! I am your parole officer.
Black: You are my parole officer ONLY when it suits you!

[Eno Remnant]

Viridia: “You suggested the same thing in the panties incident, and look what happened there!”

Wha- Bu- You- How did- Ponies?

I'm gonna have to request some heresy. That sweet, sweet heresy.

I am willing to pay with weird dialogue, as it customary around these parts.

[GAAD]

So, um, that kilometer of tripwire? It turned out to actually be critical to another of the party's crazy plans.

Ulga: (OOC) You laughed at us when we bought a kilometer of tripwire! You laughed! But now your boss is trivially butchered. Again. I TOLD you we'd find a use for it!
Me: On the one hand, I'm disappointed at how you keep neutralizing my boss monsters. On the other hand, that was almost as awesome as when you faked an alien invasion to steal that boat.
Ulga: (OOC) And all thanks to ceramics class!

Sam: Ooo, demonic monkeys? I'll call YOU Donkey Kong, YOU Winston, and YOU Caesar!

4 year old drow girl: ... hello?
Drek: Yeah, pretty sure she's evil. I vote we butcher her now to be safe.
Ulga: I'm not quite sure we have any reason to care, honestly.
Me: But aren't you the heroes?
Sam: What? No, we're the Illuminati. Get with the times.

[Gallade]

Root: "I still have cytillesh left. I can stun those hags, I'll probably hit the kids too but they will be fine, it's not damaging."
Geralt:"No way I'm letting you flashbang those kids."
Root: "The kids of the people you just called '[expletive] inbred rubes'?"
Geralt: "Yeah. Their life is already going to be crap, you don't want to add shell shock to that."

Geralt: "What if we had to cross a corridor full of boobytraps?"
Root: "I still have an oil of flight."
Geralt: "And?"
Root: "L'evito*"



*This pun is impossible to translate into English. It's a pun between "L'evito" (I'll avoid them) and "Levito" (I'll levitate)

[Inspector Valin]

Wha- Bu- You- How did- Ponies?

I'm gonna have to request some heresy. That sweet, sweet heresy.

I am willing to pay with weird dialogue, as it customary around these parts.

Your wish is granted! IC, of course. Now Choro, relay the incident of the magic panties!

Spoiler: Context, by Choro

Show

"What's a panty?"

"Mmm, I'm sorry, but I have no more idea than you do. I think it's just the humans saying silly things when planning tactics."

[DigoDragon]

I consider it more of a noodle incident.


Moon: “Well I'm going to take that as proof that the server is trying to kill Moonshadow and needs to be dismantled as well.”
Doc: “The option of not dismantling the server was never on the table as far as Doc was concerned.”
Viridia: “You could just try tipping your server. You cheapskates.”

Choro: “What is this pink goop? We figured it was blood or meat but.... seriously, what is it? Why are they putting it in the vat? What good is liquid meat?
Doc: “Obviously you've never worked at an American fast food chain.”

Doc: “Blowing up stuff always comes with side effects; namely shrapnel, fire, and concussive force.”

GM: “Yeah, you guys are screwed.”
Doc: “I reject your reality and substitute my own!”

Choro: “Can we get drinks after this?
GM: “Choro is underage.”
Choro: “Not in Pony Britain!”
Doc: “Dude, we're gonna get so many drinks that Moonshadow will change her name to Moonshine.”
Choro: “Where though? Andantes? That's a ways off. We need to see if there are some drinks in the factory.”
Doc: “Why would you trust anything in this factory not to poison/kill you?”

GM: “Alright, basic rules for camels; why? The answer, of course, is free time.”

Choro: “Well, behold, what Choro's going to have to do after this fight is over.”
Doc: “Don't stick your tail into electrical sockets.”

Viridia: “Can we put Bethesda's games in the repair pod?”
Doc: “You could, but that probably voids the pod's warranty.”