Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

[Necroticplague]

"b*&^%, i'm so insane i loop right back around to being reasonable!"

[DigoDragon]

Hopefully you won't end up in a tube like this: http://www.junkfoodtaster.com/wp-con...4-1024x576.jpg[/SPOILER]

That. Is. Awful. D:


Chrysalis: “Oh good. The cripple isn't going to show me pity. That'd be the end of me right there.”

Love: “Buzz, I'm in the other room. Oh, wait! I am the other room! Have you ponies ever wondered what it’s like to be a rock?”

Rose: “Well I'm a filthy casual, so I'm keeping my thing on Easy mode.”
Love: “It's too late! Butts must be free!”

Sniper: “I did just finish a campaign where we could be in Pride & Prejudice and suddenly have the Hulk burst out of a closet.”

Princess Celestia: “Please, Central. I can sell one of my mugs and have enough bits to buy a small island. I think I can find the funding for this.”
Sniper: “Is it bad that my first reaction to Celestia's reaction is: ‘Betcha Luna could get a large island’?”

Rose: “Aww, Rose is the devil. How sweet. She would eat that 0.87 of a used muffin.”

Sniper: “If you want to have Chrysalis spontaneously fall for the plan in the first two posts, so as to save thread space, I'm good with that.”
GM: “Ha-ha. HA. Haha-ha. No.”

Love: “You know the sound the TARDIS [Rose] makes? That wheezing, groaning... That sound brings hope wherever it [she] goes. Save us Rose! You are our only hope.”
Rose: “I don't think Rose makes that noise, and if she did, she should see a doctor.”

Sniper: “Okay, peeps, wish me luck. This is either going to work splendidly or fail spectacularly. In other words, typical Sniper Scope.”

GM: “Because that's what Undertale is missing in the genocide run, an Evangelion reference.”

Love: “This is most definitely the largest thing she's controlled though. She feels bigger?”
Rose: “She feels big, but does she feel pretty?”
Love: “Of course! She's like 500 million tons of metal right now. Loaded down with top of the line power cores.”
Rose: “That’s hawt.”

[Guizonde]

dm: so, you're playing an ex-orbital drop shock trooper that jumped feet first onto a cadian battlefield screaming french obscenities during the 13th black crusade, managed to medevac a squad of cadians before the planet broke, ended your tenure in the guard with the rank of lieutenant and only then became an inquisitorial stormtrooper being shipped out across two sectors into basically the mouth of hell?
me: life in the guard. the emperor protects.
tau: that's... as depressing as it is inspiring.
me: once again, life in the guard. the emperor expects.
ork: man, and i thought us orks loved battles. i'm green with envy.
kroot: you're always green!
dm: that's one hell of a résumé. here's a hotshot lasgun and carapace armor.
me: pff, with that kind of gear, you'll need a second mouth of hell for the rest of the team. i did all that before with a flashlight and a t-shirt. before breakfast, of course.
kroot: i will reverently eat your corpse so as to pass on your prowess to my kin.
tau: that's a compliment, by the way.
ork: mmmmh, kentucky fried badass....
dm: no eating the new guy!

[Spookykid]

just as the ranger is about the run through a black cloud of impenetrable darkness
me: maybe you should tie a rope around yourself or something, you have a bunch of good loot

pulling the ranger out of the black cloud of impenetrable darkness by a rope
me: dang he's still alive, should have left him in longer

[Hellpyre]

This is my first time meeting a centaur. I thought you would be...longer.

[Beacon of Chaos]

GM: Make an intelligence roll.
Spectre: *rolls*
GM: You know that if anything happens to his dragon, Katari will ****ing kill you.

Sinclair: Oh please, I speak over 30,000 languages.
Fauna: Just not the one you need.
Sinclair: ...what is "Klingon"?

[Gallade]

"I don't care if the manual says swarm armies can't wear armour, I want 500 thousand teeny tiny chainmails for my army ants army!"

[Guizonde]

dm: no teabagging the enemies!
monk and josé: aaaaaawww!
grim: called it!

grim: i'm not sure that's how you perform a prostate exam...
korinn: neither am i, but it's pretty entertaining either way!

eva: is that another thing i don't want to know about?
dm: it comes from josé and it involves flammable liquids and dropped pants. take a wild guess.

dm: reflex save, josé.
josé: *rolls*
dm: welp, you managed to dodge the puke barely. you're getting better at hitting enemies in the family jewels.
josé to monk: told you steel-caps were the way to go!
monk: that's gonna be another recurring theme isn't it?
korinn: i don't need to be an oracle of time to say: duh!

rogue trader:

dm: no pelvic thrusting with the ship!
tau: not even for showing off?

ork: i say we smash it!
dm: anybody else want to offer a more subtle plan?
tau: lance it from orbit?
kroot: eat it?
raymond: all of the above? twice?
dm: quit out-orking the ork!!

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Couple Responses

Show

just as the ranger is about the run through a black cloud of impenetrable darkness
me: maybe you should tie a rope around yourself or something, you have a bunch of good loot

Adventurer Defining Moment #36.

This is my first time meeting a centaur. I thought you would be...longer.

Perfectly worded for just the right amount of open interpretation. A+

GM: "Armond wanted to sample the Ambiance."
Digo: "Is that what her name is?"

Chris: "Shoot, there's an old saying that would apply here. Um..."
GM: "Abandon all hope, ye who enter?"
Chris: "Good guess, but no."
Digo: "Speak friend and enter?"
Chris: "Closer..."
Mel: "It's not delivery, it's Digorno?"
Chris: "That's the one!"
Nick: "...HOW?!"

Mel: "The plot thickens."
Digo: "Like your apple turnover?"
GM: "It needs more cream."
Digo: "Like your apple turnover?"

Chris: "What are Armond and Calvins' opinions on the matter? Or are they sporting the NPC noncommittal symbol?"
GM: "No, no, they do have opinions."
Digo: "We just tend to ignore them."

GM: "You go to shower, or use Prestidigitation to get clean."
Digo: "Prestidigitation just isn't the same as a good scrubbing."
Nick: "It's the difference between a real bath and spraying yourself with Fabreeze."

Nick: "How often do you miss your mark on a teleport spell?"
Ezmerelda: "Never."
Nick: "So this is unusual for you."
Ezmerelda: "Hmm, well there is only one person who would dare to alter my teleport spell."
Digo: "LONE STAR!!" [/Darth Helmet]
(took 10 minutes for the group to recover)

Emperor: "The cloud giants live above the highest point in the mountain range to the west. Reach the summit and then scale a 4-mile ramp up to their castle."
Digo: "We're climbing up a Boris Vallejo painting?"

Chris: "Is there a way to get a cart up that path?"
Emperor: "No, it is not a path usable by wagons."
Digo: "So we don't have Carte Blanche, then?"
Mel: "I hate you all."
GM: "Come on, be a teamster player."
Nick: (singing) "Happy trails to you..."

Nick: "Here's a book--Eleminster's 101 pop-up book of phobias. Wait until you get to the page on spiders."
Chris: "The only spider he'd fear would be Lolth... oh. Oh my."

GM: "So Nick and Armond are off to find the Imperial Pole Dancers."

Chris: "A la carte!"
Digo: "Dude, you're late to that pun thread."

Digo: "Hey, I know that tingle. Maybe this time it won't end in a demon summoning."

Nick: "I'll tell her the tales of adventuring back in our home plane, the first circle of Hell. You know, Orlando."
GM: "The solar doesn't seem to think your party would survive the first level of Hell."
Nick: "She's never been to Orlando in August. Not that she's wrong."

GM: "And if you fire this burst of Pelor's energy in a corn field, you will get penalized."
Mel: "Might be worth it."

Nick: "As the wyvern is smoking, you see a little door open up in the side and a smurf parachutes out."

Digo: "Crit for 24 points."
GM: "So the arrow flies into the wyvern's mouth and out the back end."
Chris: "That's one heck of a trajectory."
GM: "No, it flew straight."

Digo: "Ah, so the material component for a flying tiger is Thai food?"
Nick: "Wrong end."
Digo: "That's the end you need for thrust!"

[Joe the Rat]

Somebody else is driving for once!

The Barbarian: I try to break open the bars. <Natural 1>
DM: You do hear a ripping sound. Take two points of damage.
The Rogue: here, let me pick the lock. <Natural 1>
DM: You manage to break one of your picks in the lock.
The Sorcerer: I try to open the door. <Natrual 20>
DM: Apparently, the door wasn't locked.


DM: As the goblin falls, wisps of blood and mist are drawn across the room into the watchman's mouth, nose, and eyes.
The Ranger: I think the town guard just ate that guys soul.
The Rogue: Is that legal?
The Warlock: (demon voice) Possession is nine-tenths of the law.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Katari: It's like that Uncle Sam poster: Katari wants YOU to not... crime.
Fauna: Not crime?
Sinclair: Wow! Such crime! Many Justice!

[DigoDragon]

The Warlock: (demon voice) Possession is nine-tenths of the law.

Oooh, I gotta steal that one.


Rose: “What will it be, Chryssi? Grenade or muffin? Or do you wanna risk it all for what's... behind the box?”
Sniper: “But... Crow Lock has the box?”
Rose: “Shh! Don't give away the punchline.”

Brazen: “I'm just giggling in my head over the thought of Brazen offering to settle it over a wrestling match but don't know if that would go over very well.”
GM: “Well I mean, [Chrysalis] wouldn't discard the offer immediately.”
Rose: “Is it Chrysalis pondering the option, or Twilight?”
Sniper: “And my guess is... Both?”
Twilight: “I'll have him Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, while you have him Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.”
Chrysalis: “What about Sundays?”
Twilight: “Sundays I will teach you the scientific efficiency of the OT3.”
GM: “Brazen would either be the luckiest or the least fortunate stallion in all Equestria.”
Brazen: “I think that might entirely depend on Seafire's reaction.”
Seafire: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Princess Twilight wants to do what with you?!”
[Beat]
Seafire: “Can... can I come?”

Rose: “WELL HOW ARE YOU?”
Sniper: “I'M FINE, THANK YOU!”
Rose: “I'M HAPPY TO HEAR IT!”
Chrysalis: "Hurry up and kiss, I missed lunch over here."

Chrysalis: “Oh, friendship. Because I've had such good luck with that before. Why not try it another time? What could possibly go wrong?”
Happy: “Um...Um...Hi, Chrysalis. Muffin?”
Chrysalis: "I... what?"

Changeling: “Um... is this a good time for a... sh-sharing circle?”

GM: “Though Cadence has... interesting ways of getting revenge. You're not getting a dagger in the back, so don't worry about it.”
Rose: “You'll know it when your ship gets moved to her /slash/ folder.”

[NRSASD]

Player 1: I examine the art collection for any pieces of value. My noble background ought to help! *rolls 19
DM: You find one of Van Stop's lesser known works, A Farewell to Smells, depicting him mailing his nose to the Bishop
Player 2: (obnoxiously fake british accent) A tour-de-force in nasal nostalgia

[Gallade]

DM:"You raise the Stormcaller and cast a large globe of electricity, which strikes the enemies for..."
(Roll roll)
DM:"...6 damage."
Ricwart: "Don't tell me we went through hell and back and killed a 20,000 year old warlock for...THAT!"
Trund: "Maybe the rod is out of juice? That's usually the case with me."

"I'll pick whatever option will result in less bullets going through my brain"

[DigoDragon]

Sniper: “Now Sniper just had to worry about falling in love with a snail on live television.”

Love: “Sadly, Rose’s forelegs are so messed up they capped the disadvantage (80%). Gratz on your arms being 110% worthless.”
Rose: “See? This is EXACTLY why Rose has self-esteem issues with her body.”

GM: “Hurrah for upgrades! Chest ahead. Watch out! Skeleton!”

GM: “Rose has two [Purple Heart medals] now. Cybernetics! Allowing you to lose the same limb multiple times!”

Red Shield: “I thiiiink we're overdressed.”
Rose: “Yeah... I guess we'll be stealing the attention. Or maybe everyone will get drunk and won't notice after an hour.”
Love: “It's easy to take cloths off. You'll be fine after the first restroom break.”
Sniper: “If I'd known it would turn into a spectacle, I never would have agreed to this.”
Red Shield: “Where do you find these ponies, Rose?”
Rose: “Usually in little plain folders marked 'classified'.”
Love: “Wait, those folders are classified?”

Rainbow Dash: “Ugh. I'm not good at...this...touchy-feely stuff. Can we start punching each other now?”

[JAL_1138]

Warlock Player, OOC: "Oh my God. Are they the party? Are we the NPCs? Are they the protagonists and we're their recurring nemeses?"

[ZeroGear]

Spoiler: Responses

Show

Brazen: “I'm just giggling in my head over the thought of Brazen offering to settle it over a wrestling match but don't know if that would go over very well.”
GM: “Well I mean, [Chrysalis] wouldn't discard the offer immediately.”
Rose: “Is it Chrysalis pondering the option, or Twilight?”
Sniper: “And my guess is... Both?”
Twilight: “I'll have him Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, while you have him Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.”
Chrysalis: “What about Sundays?”
Twilight: “Sundays I will teach you the scientific efficiency of the OT3.”
GM: “Brazen would either be the luckiest or the least fortunate stallion in all Equestria.”
Brazen: “I think that might entirely depend on Seafire's reaction.”
Seafire: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Princess Twilight wants to do what with you?!”
[Beat]
Seafire: “Can... can I come?”

So, we're making it an OT4?

Rose: “WELL HOW ARE YOU?”
Sniper: “I'M FINE, THANK YOU!”
Rose: “I'M HAPPY TO HEAR IT!”
Chrysalis: "Hurry up and kiss, I missed lunch over here."

Or is she waiting for lunch to be served?

Changeling: “Um... is this a good time for a... sh-sharing circle?”

But how does that make you feel?

Player 1: I examine the art collection for any pieces of value. My noble background ought to help! *rolls 19
DM: You find one of Van Stop's lesser known works, A Farewell to Smells, depicting him mailing his nose to the Bishop
Player 2: (obnoxiously fake british accent) A tour-de-force in nasal nostalgia

I guess his art really stikns.

DM:"You raise the Stormcaller and cast a large globe of electricity, which strikes the enemies for..."
(Roll roll)
DM:"...6 damage."
Ricwart: "Don't tell me we went through hell and back and killed a 20,000 year old warlock for...THAT!"
Trund: "Maybe the rod is out of juice? That's usually the case with me."

"I'll pick whatever option will result in less bullets going through my brain"

Are you playing a Destiny RPG? Did someone actually CREATE a Destiny RPG? (I'm guessing no, but all terms here make me think of it since Stormcaller is a Warlock subclass).

GM: “Hurrah for upgrades! Chest ahead. Watch out! Skeleton!”

And someone's been playing Dark Souls again.

Rainbow Dash: “Ugh. I'm not good at...this...touchy-feely stuff. Can we start punching each other now?”

Ah violence, the truest form of expression.

Warlock Player, OOC: "Oh my God. Are they the party? Are we the NPCs? Are they the protagonists and we're their recurring nemeses?"

Now THAT is the question.

Rugar (Barbarian): "What is that?"
Laurence (Wizard): "You mean Conrad? He's my familiar."
Rugar: "But...why a chicken?"
Laurence: "Why not a chicken?"

Delilah (Cleric): "So, what's next?"
Brune (Ranger): "Now we head for the docks. The boat leaves in about an hour."
Delilah: "Do you expect trouble?"
Brune: "Oh, there's always trouble. The only question is what kind to expect."

Laurence: "Well, we've been out here for some time and no enemies. I'd say we've some smooth sailing ahead."
Lookout: "Black sails on the starboard prow!"
*everyone looks at Laurence*
Laurence: "Oh come on, how could that be MY fault?"

Delilah: "What are they doing now?"
Brune: "They seem to be prowling around on deck. Doesn't look like they know we're here."
Laurence: "Hey, has anyone seen Conrad?"
DM: As you say that, you see your rooster walk across the deck towards you. All of the sudden, one of the orcs grabs it by the neck.
Orc: "Boat Snack!"

Laurence: "GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF MY C**K!"
Delilah: "Phrasing!"

Brune: "Sink or swim!" *bull rushes several goblins off the side of the ship*

[Calthropstu]

GM: So you run out of the dungeon with your tail between your legs. You are back at the entrance next to the statue.
Me: I look at the statue.
GM: It's still the same statue you've gone by a dozen times.
Me: I spank it.
GM: Uhhh... it does not respond.
Other PC: What the hell?
Me: We've been chased out of there almost a dozen times now, but it wasn't until just now that I hit rock bottom.

[AshfireMage]

"The Followers of Set are all about informed consent!"

"I'll have you know that zapping ghoul dogs in the butt with a taser was exactly what I had in mind when I created this character"

"He has a dark agenda up his paw-sleeves"


... dogs seem to be the theme this week.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses

Show

Or is she waiting for lunch to be served?

And someone's been playing Dark Souls again.

Spoiler: Response Responses

Show

Well, Rose is kinda her dessert so, she's eating well whichever way you slice it.

Apparently. But it's not me as I had to go look up that quote myself to get it. ^^;

Love: “200 in a second!? Burn it all! Burn it all! My bets are worthless. I'm changing all my bets from Sniper to Rainbow Dash!”
Sniper: “Can you feeeeeel the love tonight?”

Discord: “Excuse me, my dear. Would you be so kind as to direct me to the... Wondercolts Party? I'm afraid I'm a bit lost.”
Love: “You're at... it. HAPPY! SO HAPPY! Do you know who this is? Take me to my car! I have something to show you! WAIT! NO, bring my car here! It'll be faster!”
Wonderbolt: “This better not end up like last time.”
[One car teleported into the lounge later]
Wonderbolt: “Oh this is worse. This is so much worse.”

Rainbow Dash: (*drunk*) “Shtupid... clothzz... tashte badth...”
Rose: “Hey, you want some help with that? You probably know that I know... about bandaging wounds.”
Rainbow Dash: “Oh heeeeey there. Anypony... anypony ever tell you... you got eyezing ames. Er, amazing eyes.”
Rose: “I was told once, yeah. ...thank you for saying so. Here, let me help you. I hope you worked out the... thing between you and Sniper.”
Rainbow Dash: “Pffft. Pfffffft. Sniper's cool. Strong... and bitey, but cool. Bitey like a zombie. Zombie Sniper. Oh no, I've been infected. Braaaains.”
Rose: (*giggling*) “Sniper is kind of a bitey pegasus. He's a good stallion though.”
Rainbow Dash: “Yeah, your eyes are pretty. Your wings are great too, kid. Really grew in... nice.”
Rose: (*a unicorn*) “Uh…”

Sniper: “Just for the record? It's totally not Sniper Scope sending death threats to the Elements. Nope.”

[Gallade]

Trund:"And that closes this chapter of our story."
DM:"You didn't even do that much."
Trund:"Uhm...sub-chapter?"
DM:"..."
Trund:"...Paragraph."
DM:"That's better."

[Fable Wright]

Hunger: "Around adolescence, your body will go through some... changes. Your limbs will feel awkward, you'll start to grow facial hair, and you'll exude blue-green goop that will harden into a shell that will protect you as your internal biology completely changes. This shell is called a 'chrysalis'." Pats Sun on head "You have so much to look forward to."
Sun: "Oh. That's fun."

GM: Never thought I'd hear that phrase.
Fang: Which one?
GM: "Do not trust this mans candy."
Invisible Horse Princess: I hear it rather often, but it's usually being said about me.

Invisible Horse Princess: "Dude, seriously. See a ****ing doctor."
Hunger: "I did. They called it a birth defect."
Invisible House Princess: "Our guy specializes in those."

[Gideon Falcon]

Are you playing a Destiny RPG? Did someone actually CREATE a Destiny RPG? (I'm guessing no, but all terms here make me think of it since Stormcaller is a Warlock subclass).

I'd play that...

[Gallade]

DM:"What you missed last time is...everyone else got cursed and had to go through reincarnation to end it."
Elmin:"How's it going?"
DM:"Pretty badly. Trund is now a female half-elf, Ricwart is a pixie and Kenze a dwarf. As a result, the first two are arguing over who's cuter, Trund is trying to chlorophorm Ricwart, and Kenze can't keep them apart because his arms are too short."

"NO BLACK TENTACLES! At least until third date."

[Guizonde]

chase sequence:

josé: out of the way! official inquisition business!
random guard: which one?
josé running past, hitting the guard with a sack of tatos: the inquisition of the potatooooooooo!
other guard: didn't know erastil had inquisitors... you learn something everyday.

dm: josé just requisitionned a plank of wood in the middle of the desert. i don't know what to do.
eva: how did you pull that one off?!
josé: a mix of skill, balls, and inquisitorial priviledge. mostly sleight of hand and chutzpah. the rosette covers if i get caught.

josé: out of the way! official inquisition business! (ooc: AGAIN!)
guard: hey, check it out! it's those erastil worshippers!
guard 2: you idiot! erastil's followers don't sandboard into town! they're from cayden caillean! get them! *gets hit in the sack with a potato*

grim: i swear, if josé does something reprehensible again, i'll smack his beret clean off!
*...*
dm: soooo, josé caught his grappling hook in your waistband and is giving you a wedgie.
grim: at least it's to save me from drowning again...

eva: i don't mean to put it on the table again, but there have been two orgasms tonight.
korinn: and none of those involving josé!
josé: dm's losing his touch i tell you.

monk: ok, with the bonuses, i've just run at 60kph. worst thing is, that's not even my top speed!
korinn: *cries in 6m/turn*

monk: so, about your kicking people in the sack...
josé: note to self: rubber boots in case of acid blood.
dm: you asked for it.
josé: so did the recipient of the kick!!

grim: i'm getting hit on by an armorer?!
*...*
grim: i'm getting hit on by a frog-person?!
*...*
grim: i'm getting hit on by a teenage dwarven barmaid?!
korinn: at least you don't have an evil book that calls you "mom"!

josé: i think i lost my hp total 3 times over in that battle!
grim: well, all the useful members of the team pack some healing, it's not too hard.
monk: hey!

dm: so what does useless do?
monk: hey!

josé: i just put my sack on the necronomicon in a jaccuzzi. what the hell.
frog-person: *licks josé's shades clean*
josé: we went from porn to chases to human trafficking to orgies to getting licked by frog-people! i give up.

[bulbaquil]

Warlock Player, OOC: "Oh my God. Are they the party? Are we the NPCs? Are they the protagonists and we're their recurring nemeses?"

The RPG character's existential crisis.

[MasterMercury]

DM: A Battle between the Druid and the Necromancer would basically be a game of Clash Royale.

[Teleros]

After about a year and a half of no RPGing, a new campaign dawns, and I get to be a player for the first time in my life.

Spoiler: Characters

Show

Grom The Wicked - Grouchy dwarf war cleric with voices in his head.
Mereen Brightstar - Mostly human wild mage sorcerer with daddy issues and equinophobia.
Fuego... - Gnome invoker with delusions of grandeur and a propensity to hit enemies with a staff.
Nameless warrior - A human battlemaster who wants to become a dictator.

Nameless: "I think your promiscuity is not going to help us".

Grom:"You *-*-*-*#$!$%!! Leave him alone! Kitty cake cream!"

Mereen:"Lick the walls to see if they taste differently"

Nameless:"I am impressed by your maternal skills"

Mereen: "A threesome of trials"

Mereen: "I play with my wand"
Grom:"Shove it your *%$ stupid human"

Mereen:"So Gygaxian with anal probes, that's this dungeon"

Mereen:"I investigate the **** out of that wall"

DM:"Small and alert is what I told my first girlfriend"

Nameless:"This room looks polyamorous"

DM:"You just fingered a dead man with your mage hand"

Grom:"Can I attack with you?"

Mereen:"I did 11 damage with mage hand"

Mereen:"It's gnome mage hand, it's half size."

Mereen:*After being a potted plant*"Well, that was new"

Enjoy

[Guizonde]

josé: hey, throw me your pack!
grim: *rolls poorly*
josé *cl4ptr4p imitation*: i'm over here!

dm: so, the golem is going to try to hit grim and josé *rolls a 2*
grim and josé *cl4ptr4p imitation in chorus*: i'm over here!
...
dm: so, the golem is going to try and smash grim *nat 20*
grim: why did i tell him where i was?

josé: ok, so free is at -6, i'm at -3, how are you holding up grim?
grim: i'm at -37! i'm angry as all hell but i'll die only after that thing is dead!
korinn: we've officially found something harder to kill than josé's sense of humor.
monk: at least josé is funny! *glares at free*

eva: i'll charm the armorer into a discount!
dm: you've got charm person?
eva: *strangles armorer in her opulent chest*
korinn: that's... not how seduction works, eva.

grim: where's korinn?
korinn inside josé's backpack *cl4ptr4p imitation*: i'm over here!
novikov inside korinn's robes: me too!

grim: your beret's moving.
josé: must be my hookah *takes off beret, novikov pops out* that's new and a bit unnerving.
novikov: lol. *imitation trollface.png* by the way, i'm a pseudodragon who bends space and time so i kinda know about hammerspace, but how the hell are you keeping a hookah in there?!
josé: i don't know, i never asked it.

[DigoDragon]

After about a year and a half of no RPGing, a new campaign dawns, and I get to be a player for the first time in my life.

Alright! New experience! :D


GM: "Owl Air. When you absolutely, positively have to arrive there naked."

Johnny: "I saw a Harry Potter Clue game. How lame is that? It was Voldemort, with the Wand, in every room!"

Johnny: "What's he look like?"
GM: "Think football player build above, and ballet dancer below."
Karashi: "So basically your average football player."
GM: "..."
Karashi: "I'm not wrong."

GM: "Karashi, you recognize the bouncer. His name is Eli. You used to run guns for him."
Quieteyes: "His name is Eli?"
GM: "Eli."
Quieteyes: "Oh."
GM: "...ow."
Karashi: "So that's what walking into a glass door looks like."

Quieteyes: "I take a drink."
GM: "It tastes like turpentine's fruitier brother."

Quieteyes: "I don't think the Heal spell will work."
Karashi: "No, you need Detox."
Quieteyes: "And I don't have that spell."
Karashi: "Well then what are we paying you for?"
Quieteyes: "Excuse me?"
Karashi: "I'm just kidding."
Johnny: "Especially about the part of paying you."

Johnny: "You know the hair of the dog that bit you? I'm gonna need the whole kennel."