Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

[Guizonde]

Hahaha... that hurts. It makes my ally-inflicted bolt-wound act up.

to be fair, my arch-militant is so good at shooting that for that shot i either hit perfectly or jammed my weapon. despite shooting with an ally in proximity, i had to roll under a 95. i think i rolled a 38. it really helps that my dice seem to work better for trick shots rather than for potshots. in any case, i had 2 unused fate points if things went south. that said, against an ork big mek, a hellgun is good but not great. against a tech-priestess, she'd have suffered a bit. next session i'm picking up the necron's heavy bolter, so i'll have to be a bit more careful.

(big target, very close range, favored weapon, burst fire all gave +10 or 20, and the penalty was -20, netting a net +30 on top of my ballistic skill of 65).

[Tiadoppler]

Wizard: I have no idea. A wizard did it.
Paladin: Uh...
Wizard: I mean, not me. A different wizard.
Paladin: Right. A real wizard.
Wizard: Yeah. No. Hey!
Paladin: I mean a wizard with impressive, mysterious magic.
Wizard: That's not better. (Wizard) goes off and pouts in a corner.


DM: So, what are you trying to do?
Paladin: Investigate the mine?
Fighter: Kill the zombies.
Warlock: Kill the centaurs?
Barbarian: Hit trees!
Sorcerer: How about "survive the trap we just walked into?"
DM: Bingo!


DM: If you get surrounded by the zombie horde, you'll probably end up dead.
Warlock: Wait! For real? You'd kill us?
DM: Yes.
Sorcerer: *nods* In real life.


Paladin: You wouldn't really leave us to die, would you?
Sorcerer: I'm saying that if you died, I'd fly away, carrying (Monk). I'm not leaving when you're still alive.
Fighter: If you died, we'd make sure to recover your body and equipment.
Sorcerer: Oh right, the equipment!


DM: "Surrender? I have an army!"
Paladin: And we have a (Sorcerer)! ... Oh, wow, that was just like Avengers. Is (NPC) Loki, or am I?
DM: That makes you Iron Man.
Paladin: Darn.


Paladin: Are we the bad guys? Does this make me evil? Did I just fall?


Paladin: Okay, mirror, call Lolth!
Warlock: Wha?
DM: "Calling. Lolth."
Paladin: Did that... work?
DM: "Ring... Ring..."
Fighter: Smash the mirror!
Warlock: I hide.
DM: "Who is this? How did you get this number?"
Warlock: We're not home!
Paladin: Shut up, (Warlock)!
DM: "Ah. (Warlock). Interesting."
Warlock: You told her my name!
Paladin: I panicked. I was kidding. This isn't actually happening, is it? I hang up.
DM: The mirror goes blank, then begins to glow red hot and bursts into fragments.
Fighter: That's not good, is it?
Paladin: Oh dear Selune! I just called Lolth! Why did I call Lolth?
Warlock: Why did you tell her my name?
Paladin: Seriously, (DM), did that actually happen?


Paladin: Call Lolth.
DM: "Ring... Ri-" "What is it now?"
Paladin: Hi!
DM: "You will suffer for this!"
Paladin: I hang up.


Fighter: Ask her what she did.
Sorcerer: What did you do?
Paladin: Mirror! Lolth! Talked to! Shatter! Kaboom!
Warlock: And she knows our names now!
Wizard: I do a double-spit-take. I take a bite of food, spit it out in shock, then calmly take another bite of food, and spit that out too.
Sorcerer: We can't let her out alone without a leash.
Monk: Thought (Fighter) babysitting.
Fighter: I tried!
Wizard: That's it. I'm going to learn Geas.
Paladin: But. But! I thought I was just kidding!


Paladin: Oh Selune! I prank-called her. Why did I do that? Are we all going to die?

[HalfTangible]

"I called her a fool. In her attempt to prove me wrong, she proved me right. Just because it worked out for the dumb %$# doesn't mean it was a good idea."

[LordCdrMilitant]

to be fair, my arch-militant is so good at shooting that for that shot i either hit perfectly or jammed my weapon. despite shooting with an ally in proximity, i had to roll under a 95. i think i rolled a 38. it really helps that my dice seem to work better for trick shots rather than for potshots. in any case, i had 2 unused fate points if things went south. that said, against an ork big mek, a hellgun is good but not great. against a tech-priestess, she'd have suffered a bit. next session i'm picking up the necron's heavy bolter, so i'll have to be a bit more careful.

(big target, very close range, favored weapon, burst fire all gave +10 or 20, and the penalty was -20, netting a net +30 on top of my ballistic skill of 65).

And both my techpriest and my seneschal had bonuses to their BS after the penalties for shooting into combat [+30 [Point Blank], -20 [Into CQC], +10 [Size], +20 [Full Auto], +10 [Mechanicus Implants]] when they shot at me and the daemonhost I was in melee with. They both ended up shooting me instead of the daemonhost, rolling critical failures. Fortunately for me, I successfully dodged one burst and blocked most of the other burst with my refractor field [with extensive expenditure of my fate points], ending at 5 critical.

[Guizonde]

And both my techpriest and my seneschal had bonuses to their BS after the penalties for shooting into combat [+30 [Point Blank], -20 [Into CQC], +10 [Size], +20 [Full Auto], +10 [Mechanicus Implants]] when they shot at me and the daemonhost I was in melee with. They both ended up shooting me instead of the daemonhost, rolling critical failures. Fortunately for me, I successfully dodged one burst and blocked most of the other burst with my refractor field [with extensive expenditure of my fate points], ending at 5 critical.

there's bad luck and then there's you. that's murphy's law in practice!

[LordCdrMilitant]

there's bad luck and then there's you. that's murphy's law in practice!

What makes it even funnier is that, while Lux asked her comrades not to shoot, and didn't get hit, Arabella gave a direct order to her men to fire into the close combat on full auto and got hit by all their boltshells.

Spoiler: Context

Show

I ended up in close quarters combat with a daemonhost. Arabella isn't very good at close combat [she isn't very good at shooting, either]. Darathomas and Godrick [techpriest and seneschal] were hesitant to fire into the melee, and were just going to stand there and cheer me on, until I gave them a direct order to open fire on the daemonhost anyway, full auto, on the grounds that I had a refractor field and a reaction to dodge bolt fire with, while my refractor field and armor didn't work against the daemonhost's Warp Weapon, and it would only have taken 1 successful hit to kill the daemonhost and end the problem.

Unfortunately, they both crit-failed, and then crit-failed after fate. Fortunately, I dodged well, passed a bunch of refactor field saves, and then passed the toughness test to keep my hand. I ended up unconscious, but otherwise okay, and we did eventually beat the daemonhost.

[DigoDragon]

Paladin: Oh Selune! I prank-called her. Why did I do that? Are we all going to die?

Because it was amusing, and yes. :D


Stellar: “Anyway, just unlocked Best of the Best in ME3 multiplayer. I now have every single-player achievement and multiplayer challenge of that original trilogy. 100% completion!”
Viridia: “Well done! Now do it again with a guitar hero controller.”

Choro: “Three labs. Six of us. Shall we split up? We're all close by and we could search the area more efficiently as teams of two.”
Strata: “Choro, no, that's how horror movies work.”

Choro: “Eyes only? What, did they think somepony was going to read it with their flank?”

Moon: “Wait, turn off your tact programs? And that would make you more tactful?”
AI: “No, but it would be interesting at this stage.”

GM: “Before anyone asks about why something as silly as fluffy ponies exist, consider that there's furbies on the moon. See, this is a show of restraint. Take pleasure in the fact that your DM doesn't write for IDW.”

GM: “…due to being a dragon and dragonhide being able to stop, say, casual scabs.”
Doc: “Casual scabs? That's an interesting description.”
GM: “Ment to be casual stab, actually.”
Doc: “Ah. That makes more sense. Casual stabbing, done on a Sunday afternoon with a cold one in your off hand, sitting with your victim on the front porch...”

Viridia: “That's not how you talk to people who don't understand your language, Doc. YOU. TALK. LOUDLY. AND. SLOWLY. AND. THAT. WAY. THEY'LL. GET. THE. JIST. OF. WHAT. YOU'RE. SAYING.”
Doc: “So basically speak like an American to the cuties?”

Viridia: “Who hurt you, GM? Who hurt you?”
GM: “The Danish. They invented LEGO.”

[TheYell]

"uh...don't go down the well."

"did he go down the well? I had my back turned."
"YES"

"Message him- STOP SWIMMING. SINK AND CUT YOUR ARMOR STRAPS."
"Your move."
"I run to the well and throw in a rope."
"Free action, I yell "Never mind what I said, grab the rope"

"That's four heads."
"That's THREE heads. You get paid for goblin heads, NOT goblin dog heads."
"We'll renegotiate."
"That's another roll for another time."
"Yes- and when I do, I will NOT say, "Oh I left a goblin dog head back there, what will you give me for it'. I will have the head in hand and dicker for it."
"Make a puppet out of it."
"Hmmm - I do speak Goblin"

"So, what do you think of a nonhuman uprising?"
"You mean within the party?"
"Well as a tiefling I'm game to have these goblins rise against the evil government forces."
"Uh...the only good goblin is a dead one."
"You're being very humancentric."

"Before we go in -- I say, don't mention the letter we found on the dead cop."
"He wasn't a cop."
"He was guarding prison transport. 'Hey uh Mayor, we read your letter to the dead cleric asking for help. Need some?"
"Hrm..."


"Bandits! Bandits everywhere! They even freed a prisoner in transit!"
"No way."
"Hrm...roll for bluff."
"Oh Jesus!"
"Well that went well. Hey Belle, you missed it...I nearly got us all hanged."

[DigoDragon]

Moon: “Also I really want Fan Knife to be here.”
AI: “Who is Fan Knife?”
Moon: “She's a young filly, who looks like a zombie, and is two hundred years old. She's also a ninja.”
AI: “Could you repeat that? I believe you just stated that a young filly, who is also two hundred years old, with the appearance of a zombie, and is a ninja, is roaming this facility?”

GM: “There's twelve units of trash on the floor.”
Doc: “Joy. We can retire from this life of scavenging.”

Doc: “I think I stumbled upon Lilliput.”
GM: “The purple one steadily marched towards [Doc] until it was close enough to touch him, which it did. By hugging his leg.”
Little Purple Pony: “Please be nue daddy.”
Doc: “Uh…”

Stellar: “The cuties are now life bonded to Doc and will accept no other.”
Doc: “So like PERN dragons, but mostly useless in this case.”

Fan Knife: “Is he a mercenary, or a family member?”
Stellar: “Family member. But he's been slightly useful and doesn't seem hostile.”
Viridia: “Stellar's a big fan of monopolization, murder through destitution and for political gain, as long as it's done with nice words.”

Moon: “Like I said, I don't like killing ponies. I won't show him any mercy if he tries anything, but I'm willing to let him walk.”
Viridia: “I mean, I prefer killing to getting stabbed in the back, but that's just me.”
Fan Knife: “Eh, you guys are new here. After the first hundred, it starts to blur together; ponies only have so many different color combinations.”

Strata: “The sooner it's not our problem to save Tauronto from its love of hamburgers, the better.”

[PastorofMuppets]

Three things; 1 there are no racial starting bonuses modifiers or skills in D20 modern, 2 it’s spelled jujitsu, and 3 they train in Krav Maga

[Guizonde]

dm: with a manufactorum, you guys can craft better gear for yourselves, and with your open-minded tech-priests, you can even invent things.
ray: do power-insults exist, and if so do they come with a bayonet lug?
dag: ... i want one.
necron: me too!

dm: start cursing, ray.
ray: we need the dice bonus?
lux: we need to record his litany of hatred and play it on a loop.
jace: isn't that my job?
dm: his foul mouth works. your prayers don't.
jace: "praise the lord and pass the ammo..."

ray: ok, i'm wrapped around the heavy bolter and ready to shoot!
necron: knock, knock! *41 wounds, pen 9 inflicted*
dm: *blinks*
ray: welp, i feel useless.
necron: i am a slow and purposeful close combat nuke.

dag: you need to give orders when asked for a command check, ray! people don't instinctively know to shoot daemons from the warp!
ray: not my fault i'm surrounded by lemmings!

dm: speaking of which, here's a mop. go clean the macro-batteries. the geller field should protect you during your eva.
dag: i'm so glad all i got was a cavity search.

lux: so, we lost the bet.
ross: and ribs.
jace: uh, the necron lost his left leg, and the ork, dag, and me all have bullet wounds in ours...
dm: i did not expect that.

ray: welcome to "cooking on the nemesis"! today's recipe is mushroom stew with seared steak. step one: kill the mushrooms! *shoulders hellgun*
team: *grins*
dm: that should cost you xp, but i'll allow it.

lux: ok, i'll find an stc for chimeras. i want our tank to ride a tank.
necron: "knock-knock", indeed!

*blong*
dm: 40kg of heavy bolter will kill orks, if thrown sufficiently hard!
necron: told you!

dag: imagine ray's storage closet. everything has got a bayonet on it. even the toothbrush!
ray: it's practical! dental hygiene while stabbing a mushroom!
dm: you still can't mount a bayonet on your mop.
ray: but who knows if an ork will attack me while i'm cleaning the macro-batteries?!

ray: how about we ask the astropath if he's made contact?
dag: that's the first non-violent and unquestionably helpful suggestion you've said today! are you suffering from warp-sickness?
team: *chuckles*

ray: astropaths creep me out.
astropath: i heard that, dirtsucker!
ray: now i remember why. friggin' telepaths.
lux: there's too many things that creep you out: psykers, mutants, eldar, ork hygiene, the captain's punishments, the warp...
dag: because he can't stab those things without a good reason.

dm: ok, pilot. plot a route for the asteroid.
ross: uh, i'm still out of it for another 2 weeks.
dm: 0.o right. pilot, stay in bed and be comatose. npc's, plot a route for the asteroid.
jace: that's the spirit!

dm, to a friend watching the game: raymond's an idiot, but that [redacted] can shoot like nobody.
dag: and he keeps us entertained with his colorful insults in his southern accent.
friend: so, he's roleplaying a cursing, redneck lascannon?
dm: ... yes.
lux: is there an stc for that? asking for a friend.

[Gideon Falcon]

Just had this interaction with that group that plays in the same room as me again:

Player 1: We should totally get him drunk.
Me: I sure hope you're not talking about a real person
Player 2: Yes. They have their free agency! We can't take that away!
Me: But you said get them drunk, not have them get drunk.
Player 2: Yes, they have the choice to drink what I put in front of them. Whether or not they know it has alcohol is their business.
Me: Ah, but knowledge is integral to agency! If they don't know, they don't have agency!
Player 2: Yeah, but they know that it could be alcoholic. It's up to them to do the proper research.
Me: So... you're saying it's their fault for trusting you.
Player 2: Yes.

Player 1: I'm the only one wearing green!
Player 2: I'm wearing red, though, so that means you need to kiss me, right?
Player 3: Wait, what's this tradition I've never heard of? I need to wear red!

[bc56]

Arboreas: Arboreas' gonna Arboreas.

[LordCdrMilitant]

Deathwatch:

Catachan Lieutenant Colonel: Follow the Space Marine! Give 'em bugs some Catachan steel!

Catachan Engineer: Here's your charges. We made them dummy proof.

Azra: *rolls a critical failure to plant demolition charges, twice* Uh-oh. *explosion*
Tomix: I thought the engineers said they were dummy proof.

Tomix: Now I see why you call us "Kill Team Incompetent".

Praetorian Commissar: WHAT IS YOUR WILL, MY LORDS?
Diego: Attack down the ridge to cut off the Tyranid breakthrough.
Praetorian Commissar: HIS WILL BE DONE, MY LORDS. DO YOU HEAR THAT MEN? WE ARE DONE WITH THIS POSITION! FIX BAYONETS!
Diego: Stop! Stop! No! No! No! Wait for the tanks!
Tomix: DE-FIX BAYONETS!
Praetorian Commissar: UNDERSTOOD, MY LORDS. DO YOU HEAR THAT MEN? WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE LADS FROM ARMAGEDDON TO GET THEIR **** TOGETHER! RE-FORM RANKS! PRESENT FROM THE SHOULDER! FIRST RANK, FIRE! SECOND RANK, FIRE!

Me [GM]: That lascannon is now a relic of their regiment. It was touched by a Space Marine, and a Space Marine used it to singlehandedly kill a bio-titan.

Tomix: Diego's why the Guardsmen always think we're awesome. It's a good thing that I'm good at hiding, otherwise they'd be really disappointed.

[DigoDragon]

Doc: “Ain't sure how we're getting past that. Suggestions?”
Thanatos: “Attempt diplomacy.”
Choro: “You've got the best track record with this, Doctor. If anyone's going to negotiate, it should be you.”
Doc: “Best track record? Well, then. Guess we're all in trouble.”

Doc: “Thanatos, you any good at picking a lock?”
Thanatos: “Lockpicking tools come in many forms, including a pump-action grenade launcher.”
Hatch: *detonates*

Moon: “Fan Knife and I are from foreign nations, and I don't think Viridia cares about old Equestria.”
Viridia: “I don't care about old Equestria, but I love forty-something Equestria with a saucy streak.”

Doc: “Actually, that's a good point. Better find out what they eat before feeding them anything.”
Moon: “I say we feed them cyanide.”
Doc: “I dunno if that's safe. What if some of them have an almond allergy?”

GM: “There's also the occasional giant monster who, by virtue of paying their taxes, are counted as members of what counts as society.”
Doc: “Kaiju pay taxes?”

GM: “Well, between the guy from the evil family named after a god of death, the murder-child, and the AI who named herself after a light sponge cake, who's likely going to be more evil?”

Choro: “I've got this terrible feeling there's stuff upstairs we really should extract first, if everypony is insistent on plan 'theraputic arson'.”
Doc: “Therapeutic Arson is my new rock band name.”

GM: “One Sexy Sleepware, Crunchmunch brand. It's a thin hoodie with the the Mascot's face, ringed with teeth. Distressingly comfortable. Reduces Cha by 1.”
Viridia: “In what world is that sexy?!”
GM: “Hot Topic.”

[Guizonde]

Azra: *rolls a critical failure to plant demolition charges, twice* Uh-oh. *explosion*
Tomix: I thought the engineers said they were dummy proof.

engineers say a lot of things. for example: "disabling safeties is unsafe". give that to a layman and they'll forget to take it off just before the shooting starts.

lux: ok, i'll shoot single-shot! *click*
dm: the safety was on, apparently.
ross: my turn! *click*
dm: *groan* dag, please do better.
dag: *dubious stare to the dm* *click*
dm: aw, come on!!
ray: i told you to disable all the team's safeties!! *frantically shoots to pick up the slack*

then again, laymen say a lot of things, too. like:

ross: how about we give the explosives to ray?
ray: why not the padré? he's never been hit by shrapnel, unlike the rest of us.
jace: ok, no training, but a lot of faith in the emperor! go!

*kablooie*

(everyone but the padré takes shrapnel damage)

(that was second session. despite padré jace being dismembered in cqc, shot to pieces, burned, trampled, electrocuted, dope-slapped, pistol-whipped, flogged, concussed, crushed, drowned, and shot again, he's never taken shrapnel damage).

[Joe the Rat]

DM: As the cyclopean skull rises into the air, the baleful red light in it's eyesocket joined by a crown of ten more. Meet 13.
PalaDwarf: Thirteen? I only count eleven.
DM: Base 8.

PalaDwarf: Where's the antimagic cone?
DM: Let's see... The Cleric looks like a zombie, the Warlock fell off of the column she was standing on, and you hammer is no longer swearing. However, the elf's trident is still singing sea shanties, and the fighter is still a giant ape, so... About here.

[Tiadoppler]

Warlock: I kind of imagine that Lolth's minions would be like centaurs, but instead of horse bodies, they're like spiders!
Wizard: That's not your imagination. That's your memory. We've talked about driders before.
Sorceress: Why am I not surprised that (Warlock)'s mind has significant filing errors?
Paladin: What mind?


Sorceress: Well, once again, I am upside-down in the mud, unconscious, and my posterior is in great pain.
Wizard: Once again?
Sorceress: Yes.


Wizard: I join (Sorceress) in the land of the sleepy mudlings.


Fighter: Can everyone stop making death saves, please!
Paladin: You'd prefer we start failing them?
Fighter: At this rate? Yes! It'd be a relief.


Barbarian: (Enemy) is bestest friend. You no hurt (enemy)!
Fighter: (Enemy) has mind control!
Paladin: (Barbarian) should be immune! He's a mindless creature.
Barbarian: Can I...?
DM: Yes, (Barbarian) is allowed to hit (Paladin) right now.
Raging Barbarian's Dice: <20>


Paladin: Yawn. I had such a lovely dream.
Fighter: Eat your goodberry and shut up.
Paladin: Don't you want to hear about my dream?


Monk: Hello. I'm a Tiny woodland creature surrounded by big, scary centaurs with low AC and CON saves. I'm at full HP and I've got ki points to burn. I'm going to turn around slowly, nose-boop each of you, and you're all going to be dead in 12 seconds.
Paladin: (Paladin) is now Frightened of you.
Monk: *slow smile*


Paladin: I. Hate. Angels.


DM: "Names are for mortals. Do you know what else is for mortals?"
Monk: Bacon!
Paladin: Death?
Fighter: Existential horror?
Warlock: XP points?
Wizard: Riddles?
DM: (Paladin) was right.
Warlock: Bacon?


Wizard: Selune's Waffle Wagon!
Warlock: The Air Force and the Forcettes?
DM: Not the First Choice in Chosen Ones?
Sorceress: The Reading Rainbowmen?
Fighter: (Fighter)'s Fine Dining and Hired Mercenaries
Monk: Baconeaters.

[LordCdrMilitant]

engineers say a lot of things. for example: "disabling safeties is unsafe". give that to a layman and they'll forget to take it off just before the shooting starts.

lux: ok, i'll shoot single-shot! *click*
dm: the safety was on, apparently.
ross: my turn! *click*
dm: *groan* dag, please do better.
dag: *dubious stare to the dm* *click*
dm: aw, come on!!
ray: i told you to disable all the team's safeties!! *frantically shoots to pick up the slack*

then again, laymen say a lot of things, too. like:

ross: how about we give the explosives to ray?
ray: why not the padré? he's never been hit by shrapnel, unlike the rest of us.
jace: ok, no training, but a lot of faith in the emperor! go!

*kablooie*

(everyone but the padré takes shrapnel damage)

(that was second session. despite padré jace being dismembered in cqc, shot to pieces, burned, trampled, electrocuted, dope-slapped, pistol-whipped, flogged, concussed, crushed, drowned, and shot again, he's never taken shrapnel damage).

It looks like my players aren't the only ones who love demolition charges. Demolitions is an essential skill in my games; the fact that in 1e it's been separated from Tech Use and only really becomes available at higher ranks is hard on them. I think the amount of XP from rank-to-rank is too high, among other things, or maybe I'm forgetting to award XP somewhere along the line.

[Guizonde]

It looks like my players aren't the only ones who love demolition charges. Demolitions is an essential skill in my games; the fact that in 1e it's been separated from Tech Use and only really becomes available at higher ranks is hard on them. I think the amount of XP from rank-to-rank is too high, among other things, or maybe I'm forgetting to award XP somewhere along the line.

i seem to recall having demolitions as a skill in rt 2e. i also know for a fact absolutely no one in the group has any ranks in the bloody skill, thus our favorite game of "not it!" when it comes to setting them up for detonation.

but honestly, what would you do if your dm gave you litterally 25 kg worth of tube charges and assorted krak grenades besides try and be the furthest away from the blast radius?

now, we've stumbled upon a few things that work similarly and are marginally less dangerous to us: a heavy bolter salvo, a necron warscythe, and our gun-cutter's plasma cannon. i say marginally, because we tend to be caught in the blast radius anyway. it's just easier to make our saves when shielded by the gun-cutter's armor or the necron's face.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Prof (OoC): Sorry, it's just 'him' doesn't really narrow it down.
Kassim (OoC): Yeah, this campaign has been a real sausage-fest so far.
Valathar (OoC): Well, there was June...
Kassim (OoC): She's a snake - sausage-shaped, doesn't count.

Valathar (on Pixies): It's not racist if they're annoying.

[LordCdrMilitant]

i seem to recall having demolitions as a skill in rt 2e. i also know for a fact absolutely no one in the group has any ranks in the bloody skill, thus our favorite game of "not it!" when it comes to setting them up for detonation.

but honestly, what would you do if your dm gave you litterally 25 kg worth of tube charges and assorted krak grenades besides try and be the furthest away from the blast radius?

now, we've stumbled upon a few things that work similarly and are marginally less dangerous to us: a heavy bolter salvo, a necron warscythe, and our gun-cutter's plasma cannon. i say marginally, because we tend to be caught in the blast radius anyway. it's just easier to make our saves when shielded by the gun-cutter's armor or the necron's face.

In Dark Heresy 2e, Demolitions is a tech use test.

In Deathwatch/Rogue Trader, Demolitions is an independent skill and first becomes available as "Trained" at Rank 2.


My parties make liberal use of explosives, and I encourage it. It's always better to blast open a hole in a wall then fire a mortar shell and 3 Frag Grenades through the hole than it is to go through the door. Also, I require them to routinely sink warships at their docks, blow up bridges, rail lines, and factories, demolish bunkers and heavy fortifications, clear tunnels, blast paths through rubble, etc. Also, when in doubt, explosives can solve almost any problem, except that none of their deathwatch characters can reliably plant explosives and expect success. Buying all the ranks is Tech Use early game is common for their DH characters, but the rank system in 1e limits them down to exploding themselves a quarter of the time and making duds more than half the time.

[Arutema]

"half the crew is also star shaman mystics. We can walk home..."

Explanation:

Spoiler

Show

Our Starfinder ship battle wasn't going well. Fortunately, star shamans can breathe in space.

[TheYell]

Cleric: We can burn down the forest! It's full of eeevilll!
DM: You have a Druid in the party!
Rogue: Forest fires are part of the natural cycle of the woods though.
Druid: *raises pencil as dagger*

Arcane Archer I listen for voices.
DM OK, what languages do you know?
Arcane Archer: I know Common, Cheliaxan, and Druidic.
Everybody: You can't know Druidic!
Arcane Archer: It was on the list.
DM: You'd have to spend a feat to know Druidic.
Arcane Archer: Ok, then I know...Goblin!

Arcane Archer: I yell "Everything is okay! We took them down!" in Goblin.
DM: Roll for Bluff....ok they buy it.
Arcane Archer: Everybody ready bows as an action!
Rogue: I roll to stop laughing my ass off because I know Goblin.
DM: Yes only the tieflings know Goblin.
Cleric: Wonderful.

Arcane Archer I yell "Everything okay out here. We're okay here."
DM they just saw you riddle a goblin with arrows!
Arcane Archer I'm still gonna attempt the roll.
DM Well...three of them fall for it. The other two are like, [baloney]
Druid Stupid goblins!
Cleric "Whats going on up there? What's your operator number?"

Rogue: "Stop fighting! I am your new leader. I bring you war against the humans! Pay no attention to the humans with me, they are my dupes."
Druid I wonder what tiefling hide goes for these days.

[GrimmTrigger]

"Refridgelich cola: it will turn you into...dead."

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: (imitating Thanatos) “I don't strangle puppies, I just bury the bodies.”

GM: “Look at her, she's eating someone's personal letter. Disgusting. Yer waifu's a goat.”
Viridia: “It's only against the law to read other people's mail. There's no law against eating it.”

GM: “Party's probably going to have to figure out who dies if Livewire-Thanatos-Sari are in one room.”
Moon: “Sari. Or was that a trick question?”
Viridia: “The correct answer is Shade, by the way.”
GM: “Saving Sari by killing her is a creative interpretation of orders.”
Moon: “I swear, she was a zombie before I shot her repeatedly in the head.”

Moon: “Huh, I really don't know what to do with all these goats.”

Moon: “Does anyone here know how to repair stuff? Like greenhouses and things like that?”
Approximately 50 robots at the same time: “THIS UNIT CAN BE OF ASSISTANCE.”
Moon: “Ah. A big explosion, some saved lives, and now an army of loyal robots. Today's been a good day.”

Doc: “Hey, so uh... thanks for not stabbing us in the back up to this point.”

Viridia: “Me being suspicious of everypony is basically what I do now - I mean, I'm pretty sure I've got all of Doc and Moony and Choro's suspicion by how much they trust total jerks.”

Doc: “Since none of us are leggy blondes, I guess we'll just ask her if she wants to help and have a Plan B if she decides no.”

Stellar: “Choro, Livewire is an old... well, she was a crazy pony who traveled with us for a while. You don't have to get involved if you don't want to.”
Choro: “Mmm. If hanging around with crazy ponies was a problem for me, I would probably be somewhere else right now.”

Choro: “You know, this would be the ideal moment for something Evil to attack the town.”
Doc: “What, was the prospect of facing off against a former PC not challenging enough for you?”

Viridia: “Would I be able to change back into pony form and dragon form at will? Because sex will be a lot harder if I can't.”

Moonshadow: “Hey Viridia, up to talking down a bloodthirsty mob? Or maybe it's just a mob in the making, I'm not sure. Either way, Livewire's in charge of it. Apparently.”

[Going Hereward]

Rise of the Rune Lords: The Hook Mountain Massacre. Having butchered a bunch of ogres and one simply obese woman, the rest of the party is looting corpses and tending to injuries.

GM: Okay, is anybody going to search the barn? Its on fire...

Sorcerer, who set the barn on fire: "I will, I still have an hour of immunity to fire. I'm not wasting the spell..."

GM: You step inside and see several bound, charred bodies.

Sorcerer/Me: "Oh ****... Hey guys, was this supposed to be a rescue mission?"

*DM begins playing the theme to Its Always Sunny in Philadephia*

[LordCdrMilitant]

So, not a campaign* quote:

Me: Yeah. Azra and Tomix actually achieved something. Akel basically stood next to my Tank Commander and looked important while the Tank Commander carried three times his weight, and Diego hung out with the artillery park plinking until he was mobbed.
Tomix: This must be some messed up alternate universe.

Azra: ╰༼ •̀۝•́ ༽╯<(“We can do it, yes we can! V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!”)!
Diego: "This just in Dave, I think one of the cheerleaders is gnawing off the face of an athlete"

Azra: Can I get skills for that?
Me: Which skills?
Diego: Perform [Cheer Routine]
Tomix: The Master of Blades distinction?
Diego: You want a distinction for killing 6 hormagaunts?
Tomix: To be fair, Katherine said that Azra and I killed 12 together. We don't know how many I killed and how many Azra killed.
[Also, note: It was 11 genestealers, not 12 hormagaunts]

Me: Diego fired his Heavy Bolter twice, killing about 4 termigaunts, before he was overrun. The screening guardsmen got obliterated on my enemy's turn 1, leaving him exposed and the only infantry target near the artillery park, and thus he took the combined fire of 35 termigaunts with devourers [and died].
Tomix: Seems similar to IRL experience!

Azra: All the chains are worth 100% of the points for style, if not usefulness

Tomix: I'm like a wannabe Grey Knight! All I need to do is discover my inner psychic powers!

Spoiler: *Context for this all:

Show

I have miniatures for each character in my Deathwatch party. I ended up playing an actual 40k game with my Imperial Guard against Tyranids. I also brought my Kill Team along, as their last mission was actually aiding the Imperial Guard vs. Tyranids. They achieved next to nothing for their 375 point cost and the rest of my IG tanks carried the day, hard, but it was cute.

I told them about it and how it went down, and all these quotes are my player's reactions.

[Shulk]

Not campaign quotes, but PRE campaign quotes

"Can I build a Donkey kong Monk"

"He has no style, he has no grace, this kong's inteligence stat is a ****ing disgrace."

"I'm suprised that the only reason I couldn't play donkey kong was that we can't have monster races such as apes or gorillas."

"Inbefore fist of the north Dong Kong"

Yeah, I'm weird like that

[TheYell]

Should have gone with a Derhii