Relationship Woes and Advice XXVIII: Happy and Perfect!

[Anymage]

STUFF

Say that you're not sure about taking on a roommate until you know her a lot better, since living together puts a strain on any relationship. Do get together with her, and kiss her. It's not complicated, and it gets you out of your head.

Help.. It's three and a half months since my breakup and I just want this to end. I don't want my first thought every morning to be 'maybe I'll hear from her today'.

It was better for a couple of weeks, but note I've settled in at work it's back in full force.

What are you doing to get yourself out there, interact with new people (not necessarily people you want to bone), and distract yourself? Because continuing to moon over one person tends to strongly coincide with not getting yourself out and reminding yourself that the world is full of other people.

[Asmotherion]

Help.. It's three and a half months since my breakup and I just want this to end. I don't want my first thought every morning to be 'maybe I'll hear from her today'.

It was better for a couple of weeks, but note I've settled in at work it's back in full force.

In a non offensive tone, how long has it been since you got laid, man?

When I used to break up with a girl I really liked, a couple of one night stands after the event I was done with self pitty and the "try to get her back" feelings. And, best case scenario, I ended up with a cool new agenda of booty calls. XD

Get out there, experiance life! Maybe in a year from now you two will be friends, but a break up is final. Pull yourself together.

And, a last bit of advice: The last thing you need right now is a new relationship. You'll be in a situation were you'll try to "replace" her, and that's unfair both to you, and to the potential "new girl". Go, have sex, be honest about what you're looking for, and everything will heal up.

[Anonymouswizard]

What are you doing to get yourself out there, interact with new people (not necessarily people you want to bone), and distract yourself? Because continuing to moon over one person tends to strongly coincide with not getting yourself out and reminding yourself that the world is full of other people.

Trying to find clubs in my area, although there's a horrifically small amount of anything I'm actually interested in and those that are tend to clash with my shifts (started a new job, now I'm working a full work week but tend to work shifts which cut out most evenings a week and at least one day a weekend). Also trying to meet up with old friends more, but they tend to either be uncontactable or busy with exams at the moment (if they're in the country).

So yeah, I could probably be doing a lot more, but that's because I'm still getting used to shift work. At this point the best days with this are the work days are the best because I'm generally either very busy (kitchen work) or meeting other people that work there.

In a non offensive tone, how long has it been since you got laid, man?

Roughly 13.7 billion years, why? assuming time began with the Big Bang, of course.

When I used to break up with a girl I really liked, a couple of one night stands after the event I was done with self pitty and the "try to get her back" feelings. And, best case scenario, I ended up with a cool new agenda of booty calls. XD

Get out there, experiance life! Maybe in a year from now you two will be friends, but a break up is final. Pull yourself together.

And, a last bit of advice: The last thing you need right now is a new relationship. You'll be in a situation were you'll try to "replace" her, and that's unfair both to you, and to the potential "new girl". Go, have sex, be honest about what you're looking for, and everything will heal up.

You seem to have had a very different life to me

In all seriousness, I do appreciate the advice even if I'm unlikely to be able to use it.


I suspect that half the problem is honestly how people seem to just assume I'm in a relationship (and straight, but that's a different issue). I mean, I know I'm actually fairly attractive (and would be moreso if I lost weight), young, and can be insanely cheerful at times but it's still annoying and makes me nostalgic.

[Stadge]

[QUOTE=Anymage;23046851]Say that you're not sure about taking on a roommate until you know her a lot better, since living together puts a strain on any relationship. Do get together with her, and kiss her. It's not complicated, and it gets you out of your head.

Cheers, I'll do my best this evening! We're gonna meet a couple of hours before the play starts and enjoy some of the sunshine, but I still feel any definitive move-making should wait til afterwars- that way, if it goes badly we don't then have to sit awkwardly through a Chekhov play...

Hopefully it'll have cooled down some by this evening to make chinos more palatable, but if we're lazing in the sun beforehand and its mad hot, can I get away with a pair of nice shorts paired with a smart shirt? It's not the fanciest of theatres and it is weirdly warm for this bit of the UK...

[ve4grm]

Hopefully it'll have cooled down some by this evening to make chinos more palatable, but if we're lazing in the sun beforehand and its mad hot, can I get away with a pair of nice shorts paired with a smart shirt? It's not the fanciest of theatres and it is weirdly warm for this bit of the UK...

I mean, I'm not one to come to for fashion advice for the most part, but I'd say dress for the weather. The smartest suit will still look awful if you're sweating through it.

If you don't sweat a lot, or are willing to suffer, feel free to disregard.

[VoxRationis]

So I met a woman while on the street with my coworkers, of all places. We all talked for some time, and today, I texted her asking her to have lunch, and we made plans to meet for lunch this weekend. My intent is for this to be a date, though the wording, at my friend's suggestion, was casual and lunch-focused, avoiding the term "date" explicitly (a piece of advice I see frequently suggested). I'm wondering, therefore, how clear it is, and how it should be, that this is my intent, and how "date-like" I should act. I surmise that physical contact should be avoided unless explicitly invited, but other than that, I'm uncertain of what is expected. If you received contact from someone you had met the night before, inviting you to lunch, what would your expectations be?

[Recherché]

I actually generally prefer people to be more explicit about whether its a date or not. There's nothing like getting halfway through lunch and having to explain to the person that I'm far more often attracted to women than men. Also the conversation about me being poly tends to go over fairly badly.

As for my expectations, I can be slightly dense about when people are flirting with me but I'm more likely to take a quick lunch invitation as wanting to be friends than romantic. My girlfriend had to be very blunt about asking me to date her to get the message through to me after several more subtle methods completely failed to get through to me. She actually tried the lunch method with no touching and subtle flirting and I totally didn't get it. The other person I might end up dating (right now its just outrageous flirting) went with a much more direct approach that actually included a large amount of very risque jokes and being quite direct about thier sexual interest in me and this approach went much more smoothly.

[Glass Mouse]

If you haven't made explicit your intentions of it being a date, it's not a date.

Not using the word "date" is common advice because it feels low-stakes, and it increases the chances of a yes (you'll get a yes from people who want to date you, people who want to befriend you, and people who are on the fence). The flipside is that, well, you'll often end up lunching with people who don't want to date you and who have no idea that you want to date them. So no, you absolutely cannot assume that your intent is magically clear to the other person.

Of course this is all context dependent. There are (sub)cultures where any interaction between a man and a woman is assumed to be romantic in nature, and there are individual people who are really good at sussing out the intentions of others - people who can navigate the ambiguity and communicate interest subtly in ways where the other person's responses tell them a lot. But "it's not a date unless explicitly said" is a good rule of thumb in the presence of doubt, especially if you're the kind of person who has to ask your friends for advice before sending a text (not that there's anything wrong with that, it just speaks to a somewhat novice level of social/dating skills).

If you're good at reading another person, feel free to try a bit of flirting and see how she responds. If not, it's probably a better bet to just ask directly:

"Hey, I've really enjoyed this lunch. Would you want to meet again, as a date?"

I promise you, if the interest is reciprocated, she'll be glad you asked. If you both already hoped it was a date, you'll share a laugh and go on an actual date later. No harm no foul.

[Anonymouswizard]

Yeah, if it's not a date it's not a date.

Remember that people can be very unobservant. I once had two Korean girls flirting with me fora while evening and I didn't notice. Apparently it was really obvious fitting as well. It also took me months for me to realise my ex was into me. Unless you've actually said 'I think you're like totally hawt and want to go on a date with you' don't assume they think anything other than you wanting to hang out as friends.


Question for all those people who understand this stuff! I'm trying to get into a position where I can go on some casual dates, to try and help get over my ex even if nothing else, but I ain't got any idea how you go about any of this stuff. Even my adventures in online dating have never really got anywhere past the gay men asking for casual sex, so I'm confused on both the online and real world fronts.

[dehro]

Listen to Glass Mouse... it's usually the right thing to do.

[VoxRationis]

If you haven't made explicit your intentions of it being a date, it's not a date.

Yeah, if it's not a date it's not a date.

Disappointing advice, but nonetheless with the air of truth.

If you're good at reading another person, feel free to try a bit of flirting and see how she responds.

And how does flirting work, precisely? I have vague concepts, but it would be nice to know what sort of flirting could be done without appearing creepy.

If not, it's probably a better bet to just ask directly:

"Hey, I've really enjoyed this lunch. Would you want to meet again, as a date?"

I promise you, if the interest is reciprocated, she'll be glad you asked.

And what if the interest is not reciprocated?

[Anonymouswizard]

Disappointing advice, but nonetheless with the air of truth.

Yeah, it is depressing.

I'll be honest, I learnt it when I tried to ask out a Chinese woman. She didn't understand our played oblivious until I literally said I want a date (after which she was upfront about not wanting her, then tried to let me down gently).

And how does flirting work, precisely? I have vague concepts, but it would be nice to know what sort of flirting could be done without appearing creepy.

Actually, can I second this question?

And what if the interest is not reciprocated?

Move on. There will be other women. Even if you end up feeling like you've messed up your one chance with the most perfect woman you've ever met the will be other women. Since of them might even be interested in you.

Seriously, I've been in this situation a couple of times. Just move on, it could take months or years until you find the next woman, but you will find one (unless you live on the moon, at which point you should probably travel to earth and invite women back to your moonbase).

[Glass Mouse]

And how does flirting work, precisely? I have vague concepts, but it would be nice to know what sort of flirting could be done without appearing creepy.

Oh, huh. I want to say, if you don't know how to flirt, don't stress it. Just focus on hanging out, being pleasant company, and figuring out whether you like this lady in a potentially-romantic way. Who knows, maybe you'll learn something that'll put you off of dating her after all.

There are as many flirting "techniques" as there are humans. Some people use compliments. Some use personal questions. Some use touches (but for the love of dice, DON'T DO THIS if you have no idea what you're doing!!!). Some use innuendo. Some use jokes. Some use deep eye contact. Some use asking for advice. I, personally, tend to use insults*. Most people just get tongue-tied. A lot of us don't actually have any idea how to flirt as much as we just have behaviors we subconsciously default to when we like someone.

So, really, don't stress it. Just be pleasant.

* I guess there's a reason I tend to end up with other sarcastic smartasses.

And what if the interest is not reciprocated?

Then you decide whether you want to try for a friendship, or whether to let it go entirely. There are no other options.

[VoxRationis]

Then you decide whether you want to try for a friendship, or whether to let it go entirely. There are no other options.

I meant more in terms of means, or of soothing the awkwardness and backing off with dignity intact, than of goals.

[Anonymouswizard]

I meant more in terms of means, or of soothing the awkwardness and backing off with dignity intact, than of goals.

Good: remain calm, accept it, don't make it awkward, if she wants to leave let her.

Bad: diving out the window as soon as she says no, holding her poodle hostage, silence.

[Form]

So I met a woman while on the street with my coworkers, of all places. We all talked for some time, and today, I texted her asking her to have lunch, and we made plans to meet for lunch this weekend. My intent is for this to be a date, though the wording, at my friend's suggestion, was casual and lunch-focused, avoiding the term "date" explicitly (a piece of advice I see frequently suggested). I'm wondering, therefore, how clear it is, and how it should be, that this is my intent, and how "date-like" I should act. I surmise that physical contact should be avoided unless explicitly invited, but other than that, I'm uncertain of what is expected. If you received contact from someone you had met the night before, inviting you to lunch, what would your expectations be?

This is pretty much a de facto date, although it may not be acknowledged as such until/unless romance ensues. Some light and sporadic physical contact is fine as a means of flirting, but don't overdo it (don't suddenly put your hand your leg for example). You'd probably still do well to explicitly ask for a date sooner rather than later, if only to save yourself considerable time and effort.

[Glass Mouse]

On second thought, I do have potentially useful opinions about flirting. I'm in a rush right now but will be back to write more when/if I remember.

Good: remain calm, accept it, don't make it awkward, if she wants to leave let her.

See also: "Ah okay, you're just such a cool person that I had to ask, but no worries. So how about that topic change?", "Thanks for being honest", being as breezy as authentically possible, change the topic and then follow her lead from there, letting the topic of romance drop forevermore between you.

Bad: diving out the window as soon as she says no, holding her poodle hostage, silence.

See also: "but whyyyyyyyyyyy?", stalking her on Facebook, threatening suicide if she doesn't change her mind, conquering a small nation to impress her.

Holding chihuahuas hostage is okay, though, because they're tiny and you can just tell the police they accidentally fell in your pocket.

[Comrade]

conquering a small nation to impress her.

Now they tell me.

[Glass Mouse]

Okay, one more thing.

This is pretty much a de facto date, although it may not be acknowledged as such until/unless romance ensues. Some light and sporadic physical contact is fine as a means of flirting, but don't overdo it (don't suddenly put your hand your leg for example). You'd probably still do well to explicitly ask for a date sooner rather than later, if only to save yourself considerable time and effort.

Hard disagreement on this.

It's a little bit of a mental juggle, I'm aware. The thing is, if a guy asked me to lunch after meeting somewhere, I would assume some probability of him being interested in dating me. I would also assume some probability of him wanting to be my friend. How exactly I evaluate these probabilities would depend on our actual interaction. Did we flirt when we met? Did he seem interested in me? Was I interested enough in him to actually look for signs of interest?

If I wasn't interested in him romantically, I might still say yes because the fact that he's asking for a friend-like outing (as opposed to a date) signifies that he'd probably want to be friendly even if romance is not on the table, and hey, new friends are neat.
I'd of course also say yes if I wanted to date him. In that case, I'd be spending my time sussing out his interest because, again, he's asked for a friend outing and so I can't assume anything. I'd be optimistic, though.
If he'd given out nothing but friend vibes, I probably wouldn't even do the mental calculations but just go and assume friendship was happening.

I'd be mightily annoyed if he then informed me that it had been a date all along. If you ask in an ambiguous way, you don't get to retroactively disambiguate on a whim.

Of course my bias is skewed by being a woman who spends most of her time around men, and so I would be extremely lonely if I couldn't assume friendship for friendly interactions. If saying yes to every social outing ment I was going on de facto dates, I'd never make a single friend at work or in any social circles (hell, I'm bi, so not even same-sex circles could save me there).

THAT SAID. I'm arguing hard for Schrodinger's Date being actually not a date and for accepting the consequences of that, BUT that doesn't mean casual outings are a bad thing. I personally prefer "dating" like that, because it's low-pressure, I find the sussing-out-interest part kinda fun and exciting, I'm in a cultural context where asking for a "date" sounds pretty stilted, I tend to need time to make up my own mind, and all kinds of other reasons. I'd personally prefer a casual lunch outing to an explicit date. The flipside is that I've had to learn to read social signals in order to navigate, and that I've had to learn to disambiguate clearly at an appropriate time. So, I mean, I'm not harping on Schrodinger's Date because it's a terrible idea per se. I'm just saying nothing is actually romantic until someone decides to disambiguate AND the other person agrees.

If this is all blindingly obvious to everyone here, great. It's just, "You were friendly to me, and now you don't even want to do the horizontal Charleston with me, you bitch, you led me on!" is a thing, frustratingly, and it's directly attributable to this mindset where your own unstated intentions somehow trump what you've communicated and what the other person agreed to.

[Recherché]

I'm with Glass Mouse here, someone asking me to lunch might be a date but it's not always. If I refused every guy on the suspicion that it might be a covert date and I'm A: already dating someone else and most people are monogamous and B: more gay than straight, then I'd have very few opportunities to make friends.

On the other hand if the person who invited me is trying for a covert date then I end up with unwanted "light physical contact" and possibly far worse from people who assume I'm down for more. Or having my chihuahuas held hostage when I finally clear things up and I'm accused of "leading him on."

I suppose I could also have a rainbow flag tattooed on my forehead to deter men but occasionally I am attracted to them. Also it would go horribly with most of my outfits. More seriously telling every single person I'm queer is an invitation to be preached at, harassed about it or have some guy attempt to convert me.

So please for the sake of my chihuahuas and the sanctity of my forehead call it a date before you try to grope me.

[Anonymouswizard]

I grab lunch or coffee with my friends fairly often, does that mean I'm going on dates with them?

I mean, I've used grabbing a coffee or taking a walk together or the like to meet with somebody alone enough to ask them out in person before. I've also done it because I want to meet with friends and one of us is only free around one o'clock. But I've never considered it an actual date unless I've either told somebody I like them (and they responded along similar lines) or the words 'I want to go on a date' with you were used.

[Form]

Okay, one more thing.

It's a little bit of a mental juggle, I'm aware. The thing is, if a guy asked me to lunch after meeting somewhere, I would assume some probability of him being interested in dating me. I would also assume some probability of him wanting to be my friend. How exactly I evaluate these probabilities would depend on our actual interaction. Did we flirt when we met? Did he seem interested in me? Was I interested enough in him to actually look for signs of interest?

I'm not trying to argue that men and women cannot just be friends. Of course there's no rule set in stone, but when a male stranger approaches a female stranger and they make plans it tends to implicitly be meant to be a date. That doesn't mean that one owes the other anything. The context matters and flirting is often ambiguous as well.

I'd be mightily annoyed if he then informed me that it had been a date all along. If you ask in an ambiguous way, you don't get to retroactively disambiguate on a whim.

To be honest I don't really know very well how this goes. Do a lot of guys really go 'Ahah! You've fallen into my fiendishly hidden date trap!'? As far as I can tell things remain fairly ambiguous for a while in practice and then 'suddenly' escalate with mutual consent. Usually because the guy in question takes the initiative to do so as that is still what is expected of him by women, even in contemporary western dating culture.

Of course my bias is skewed by being a woman who spends most of her time around men, and so I would be extremely lonely if I couldn't assume friendship for friendly interactions. If saying yes to every social outing ment I was going on de facto dates, I'd never make a single friend at work or in any social circles (hell, I'm bi, so not even same-sex circles could save me there).

Context matters. There is a difference between going out as a group, which allows for the establishment of friendships, tagging along with an acquaintance to something you're both interested in and one stranger approaching another stranger to set up a one-on-one thing. But I will acknowledge that this is a valid point you're making.

THAT SAID. I'm arguing hard for Schrodinger's Date being actually not a date and for accepting the consequences of that, BUT that doesn't mean casual outings are a bad thing. I personally prefer "dating" like that, because it's low-pressure, I find the sussing-out-interest part kinda fun and exciting, I'm in a cultural context where asking for a "date" sounds pretty stilted, I tend to need time to make up my own mind, and all kinds of other reasons. I'd personally prefer a casual lunch outing to an explicit date. The flipside is that I've had to learn to read social signals in order to navigate, and that I've had to learn to disambiguate clearly at an appropriate time. So, I mean, I'm not harping on Schrodinger's Date because it's a terrible idea per se.

This..... is pretty much de facto dating whilst not really acknowledging as such. I don't think needing to make up your mind and so on really changes that. I don't think this means you owe them anything, but this ambiguity is mostly in your favor and you seem to be using it to buy more time for you to make up your mind. However, the other person is in dating limbo during this time. Now imagine being in that position again and again.

I'm just saying nothing is actually romantic until someone decides to disambiguate AND the other person agrees.

Can't it be? This implies it is a black and white sort of thing, true or false, with nothing in between. I think it is more complex than that and that in practice this is more of a broad spectrum. Now, a relationship tends to have more clearly defined boundaries (although even that can at times be ambiguous), but romance and romantic connotations less os.

If this is all blindingly obvious to everyone here, great. It's just, "You were friendly to me, and now you don't even want to do the horizontal Charleston with me, you bitch, you led me on!" is a thing, frustratingly, and it's directly attributable to this mindset where your own unstated intentions somehow trump what you've communicated and what the other person agreed to.

You're absolutely right that that is a thing and women are completely justified in calling out this sort of behavior and the underlying attitude. I'm not arguing that a guys mindset trumps a woman's decision. But you know what else is a thing? Guys investing vastly more time and effort in dating because they are still expected by society in general and by women to take the initiative and to basically prove themselves during courtship. From my perspective, my experience and my observations Schrödinger's dating tends to favor women this way.

Look, I get it. As a woman you've had to put up with a lot of bull**** from men who are trying to trick you or feel you owe them something for some stupid reason or other and as a guy I probably can't really understand exactly what that is like. I'm not trying to excuse any of that, but guys have to put up stupid things as well and the combination of Schrödinger's date with an expection that men take the initiative is one of those things.

[VoxRationis]

This sort of seems like it's leading to a charged argument about gender and society, and I'd like to back away from that. Since there is disagreement, I am wondering if there is some sort of cultural or subcultural divide responsible. Would you care to characterize your social environments and regions of residence/origin, to whatever degree you find comfortable?

[2D8HP]

...Some light and sporadic physical contact is fine as a means of flirting, but don't overdo it (don't suddenly put your hand your leg for example)....

Maybe depending on culture and sub-culture, but for the most part where I live, unless it welcome, before ir will fly, that "light and sporadic physical contact" best be so light that it isn't noticed, especially if it's not explicitly a "date".

Yeah it's a quick way to learn if someone is "into you", but it's also a way to make someone real uncomfortable, real fast if unwelcome, and if it is unwelcome it's harassment.

Be confident that it won't be creepy before doing any touching no matter how "light".

[Anonymouswizard]

On a less argumentative note, a friend has invited me to a social for a society I was in during my first year of uni, and I've stupidly sorta-agreed to turn up. Now I'm going to be stuck at a picnic this Friday with a load of people I don't know, some of them probably six years younger than me, all massive nerds.

So, uh, hopefully this'll let me get over my ex.

[Glass Mouse]

I suppose I could also have a rainbow flag tattooed on my forehead to deter men but occasionally I am attracted to them. Also it would go horribly with most of my outfits.

Preprosterous! Rainbows go with everything!

I'm not trying to argue that men and women cannot just be friends. Of course there's no rule set in stone, but when a male stranger approaches a female stranger and they make plans it tends to implicitly be meant to be a date.

I agree with you insofar that there are situations where the smart choice on the askee's side is to assume romantic interest. I just don't think there are many situations where the smart choice on the asker's side is to assume that the askee can read their mind. Probability is not certainty, and some people are really, really oblivious.

In Vox's shoes, I'd proceed with optimism but I absolutely would not start pawing at the poor woman before establishing mutual romantic interest.

This..... is pretty much de facto dating whilst not really acknowledging as such. I don't think needing to make up your mind and so on really changes that. I don't think this means you owe them anything, but this ambiguity is mostly in your favor and you seem to be using it to buy more time for you to make up your mind. However, the other person is in dating limbo during this time. Now imagine being in that position again and again.

This confuses me. It sounds like you're criticizing me for preferring a more friends-to-lovers approach to dating.

I mean, if someone doesn't like being in limbo, they could... y'know... just ask for a date?

Can't it be? This implies it is a black and white sort of thing, true or false, with nothing in between. I think it is more complex than that and that in practice this is more of a broad spectrum. Now, a relationship tends to have more clearly defined boundaries (although even that can at times be ambiguous), but romance and romantic connotations less os.

Yeah, sure. I have definitely had situations where I knew a kiss was gonna happen without anyone saying a word. Sometimes people manage to negotiate intimacy through body language and flirting, and that is super cool when it works out. It's actually kind of fun when there's this moment where both people realize that mutual romance is on the table, and the entire interaction shifts.

I think my latest "score" was the exact kind of situation you mean: I'd invited him out for beer on a one-on-one basis a few times, I'd started throwing increasingly raunchy jokes at him, I'd even started with the light touches, and he was very obviously responding positively to all these things... laughing hard at the jokes, leaning in against the touches, complimenting me, increasingly confiding in me, long stares, etc.
Somehow I STILL had to explicitly ask him to date me, but I basically knew the answer was gonna be yes. That's a much less explicit sussing-out than I'm arguing for. It's also something that (apparently????????) takes a lot of social skills. I'm blaming his bad social skills for the fact that I had to use words at all ;)

So you have a good point that in real life people use a lot of things other than words to suss out and convey interest (namely, flirting and... *shudder*... social norms). But if you're the kind of person who needs to ask how to flirt, you probably shouldn't rely on your ability to pick up on subtle social cues. Just be explicit. It really is so much easier, and you're so much less likely to get something horribly, awkwardly wrong.

But you know what else is a thing? Guys investing vastly more time and effort in dating because they are still expected by society in general and by women to take the initiative and to basically prove themselves during courtship. From my perspective, my experience and my observations Schrödinger's dating tends to favor women this way.

Uhhh. Yeah. I'm gonna stay out of the gendered misery contest. It's not gonna end well.



Edit:
Anonymouswizard, I feel so bad for you having to go have geeky and potentially flirty fun with nerdy youngsters. It sounds terrible.

[georgie_leech]

Edit:
Anonymouswizard, I feel so bad for you having to go have geeky and potentially flirty fun with nerdy youngsters. It sounds terrible.

I volunteer as tribute.

[Anonymouswizard]

For those who had a bit of trouble understanding my last post, imagine all the complaining in blue text. Of course, nobody on this thread is that stupid.

Edit:
Anonymouswizard, I feel so bad for you having to go have geeky and potentially flirty fun with nerdy youngsters. It sounds terrible.

I know! It's terrible! I might even find somebody attracted to me.

In all seriousness, I have some social anxiety issues and such at flirting (autism, *sigh*). So yeah, I am kinda really nervous about it, especially the idea that somebody might flirt with me (I mean, it's not like I'm that attractive, but some people have weird tastes). It's just been years since I was last in this situation, kind of tended to avoid large society socials when doing my degree.

[Comrade]

In all seriousness, I have some social anxiety issues and such at flirting (autism, *sigh*). So yeah, I am kinda really nervous about it, especially the idea that somebody might flirt with me (I mean, it's not like I'm that attractive, but some people have weird tastes). It's just been years since I was last in this situation, kind of tended to avoid large society socials when doing my degree.

I can see why it might be a bit nerve-wracking if you haven't done that kind of thing in a while, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. You've got at least one friend there, the one who invited you, right? They can help introduce you to people and hopefully that takes a little off the top of the anxiety. As for flirting... Hey, you said it yourself, they're all massive nerds. They're all probably going to be terrible at flirting anyway. I'm kidding... mostly.

[Anonymouswizard]

I can see why it might be a bit nerve-wracking if you haven't done that kind of thing in a while, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. You've got at least one friend there, the one who invited you, right? They can help introduce you to people and hopefully that takes a little off the top of the anxiety.

True, on that front I only have to worry about her having found somebody to set me up with in the last four days. So a roughly 0.0678% chance.

As for flirting... Hey, you said it yourself, they're all massive nerds. They're all probably going to be terrible at flirting anyway. I'm kidding... mostly.

Ah, reminds me of a thread in the Roleplaying forum from a while back, asking for help Roleplaying flirting. My reply was about the stereotype of gamers being bad at it.

But yeah, the one thing I have to do is not embarrass myself with the lack of recent anime I've watched.